Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

TV: When Number Gnome Number Three

went to play with Number Gnome Number Four...

TV AND PETER: Number Gnome Number Seven came, too.

Ooh, do you want to join in, too?

It's really fun.

You just have to do the sums that the Number Gnomes do. Like this one.

And when Number Gnome Number Two and Number Gnome Number Four...

It's really easy.

You just have to add up the Number Gnomes as you go.

...went to play with Number Gnome Number Two

and Number Gnome Number Six...

TV AND PETER: Number Gnome Number...

(chuckles) I'll help you.

TV AND PETER: Number Gnome Number Fourteen came, too.

(chuckles) Oh, I love this program.

I'm not changing the channel, Henry!

I know.

- What did you say? - I said I know.

I'm quite happy to watch Number Gnomes. I love Number Gnomes.

Time for bed, boys.

But we're watching Number Gnomes.

Oh. Right, then. Five more minutes.

TV, PETER AND HENRY: When Number Gnome Number Two went to play

with Number Gnome Number Two,

Number Gnome Number Four came, too.

Too easy!

Even I know that two plus two is four.

What are you doing, Henry?

Time for the Number Gnomes to go to bed.

(switch flicks)

(yells) No!

(yells) No!

Eugh! That's gross, Henry.

Yep, it is.

Mum! Henry's watching gross stuff again!

Well, that didn't last long. At least I've got my comic to read.

No, I haven't! I left it in the kitchen!

Essential prop, this is.

Where are you going, Henry?

To get a glass of water?

Alright, then. But be quick.

I will.

- Hello, Henry. - Doing your homework, Dad?

- You could say that. - Anything I can do to help, Dad?

Not really. Unless you like counting toothbrushes.

Well...

Maybe the Number Gnomes can help.

Henry, what are you doing out of bed?

Came down for a glass of water. What are you doing out of bed?

Came down for a glass of...

Ooh, are you playing Number Gnomes?

Not exactly.

I'm Number Gnome Number 365.

And I'm Number Gnome Number 2,799.

Which means I'm Number Gnome, uh, Number...

Which means you're Number Gnome 3,164.

(clears throat) Yes, thank you, Peter.

And none of us like brushing our teeth with Tingly Toothbrushes.

(all chuckle)

Henry! Bed!

We're counting toothbrushes.

What do you mean "we?"

- Peter? - Uh...

Bed. Now.

I said bed.

- Now. - Oh.

- Yeah! - I dunno.

- Penny for them, Henry. - Penny for what?

What you're thinking, Henry. I can hear your brain working.

Oh. I'm thinking about working hard.

You feeling alright, Henry?

No, not me. My dad.

Your dad's thinking about working hard?

Not thinking about it.

He is working hard. Too hard, I reckon.

Is he still watching Boodle Poodles?

Don't think he's got time for that.

Oh, if you haven't even got time to watch your favorite TV show,

then something's gotta change.

Hey! Watch out!

Something wrong, slugsnot?

Yeah, you, snot-for-brains!

Ha! Write me a letter, worm breath, so I can file it under "beetle brain."

Eureka! That's it!

Thanks, bogey brain.

For what?

I can see you, Henry.

Go on, then. Quickly now.

Hello, Henry. Glass of water time again?

Yep. More paperwork?

Yep. More toothbrushes, too.

People can't get enough of Tingly Toothbrushes.

Which is a good thing.

But a bad thing too, 'cause it means even more work for you.

That's right, Henry.

Still, mustn't complain.

Don't think the Number Gnomes can help me this time, Henry.

Dear, Mr Bob.

Please could you make sure that my dad doesn't have too much work to do?

It's not a good thing for him to have too much work to do,

and it's not a good thing for you either

because he won't be able to keep up with counting the toothbrushes.

Signed, a well wisher.

P.S.: He likes Boodle Poodles.

In fact, he really loves them,

and he says he can't even find time to watch them nowadays.

That's a bad thing.

(chuckles) Yeah, I know! Boodle Poodles.

Just as well I haven't inherited my dad's bad taste in TV shows!

To Bossy Bob.

Oops, better not call him that.

To Mr Bob. Boss of Tingly Toothbrushes.

Somewhere near Ashton.

The world. The universe.

What comes after the universe?

Good question that, but maybe not one we can answer right now.

Let's hope this does the trick.

MUM: Good night, Peter.

Night, Henry.

(snores)

MISS BATTLE-AXE: And so if you've ever wondered why deep space

looks broadly the same on all sides of the sky...

(snoring)

It may have something to do with the waves of gravitational energy, which...

(snoring)

Have an even greater impact on the cosmic microwave background.

And may indeed contribute to the theory of everything.

The theory of everything? Does that even exist?

So, if you've ever wondered what comes after the universe...

(knock on door)

(sighs) Enter.

Please, miss, Miss Oddbod wants Henry to go to her office now,

'cause there's a limousine come to take him away.

Just when you're about to learn something interesting,

along comes a limousine.

As I was saying, the universe can wait, 'cause this is really, really cool.

(elevator bell dings)

Oops. Sorry.

(gulps)

Ah, Henry.

Hello, Mr Bob.

You're probably wondering why you're here.

Well...

Thank you for your letter, Henry.

How did you know it was from me?

I'm very clever, Henry.

Well, yes.

And you called your dad "my dad."

Ah, yes. That would have been a bit of a giveaway.

Do you know what I liked most about your letter Henry?

Uh, no?

It showed spirit.

Where others might have been fainthearted, you were brave.

Where others might have told lies, you told the truth.

Uh, right.

I have a son, Henry.

Yes, I know. We've, uh, met.

And I would hope that my son would do for his father

what you have done for yours.

You what? I-I-I mean, uh, yes. Definitely.

And do I understand that you're a Boodle Poodles fan too, eh?

Well, I, uh...

I love the show. And so does Bill.

Woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof.

Right. Well, I probably ought to get back to school now.

Yeah, of course, Henry.

All those things you've got to learn,

so one day you'll be clever enough to work for me.

Just like your dad, eh?

- Will my dad...? - Get to keep his job?

Well, yes.

Tomorrow is another day, son.

I'll take that as a yes, then.

(hums)

Dad, there's a letter for you.

(hums)

Ready for a bit of me time?

Ah, Henry.

Ready for a bit of us time?

Well, yes, but...

No buts, Henry. We're going to spend some quality time together.

Watching Boodle Poodles.

Woof, woof, woof, woof.

Come on, Henry. Boodle Poodle with me.

(yells) No!

Greetings, loyal subjects.

This is your King speaking, King Henry.

PETER: The Horrible.

What are you doing there?

- I'm banished. - Banished?

Yep. Banished.

- You banished him, Henry. - (growls)

I mean, Your Kingship, Sire.

That's better.

No one should forget that I am King Henry.

King Henry the Horrible.

All hail King Henry the Horrible.

Thank you, Andrew the Anxious.

So, Henry, what brings you to the Swamplands?

(sighs) Alright, alright.

What brings you to the Swamplands, Your Kingship, Sire?

- I am on a mission! - A mission?

A mission? I didn't know we were on a mission.

- Did you know we were on a mission? - I dunno.

A risky and dangerous mission!

Same thing if you ask me.

What do you mean?

Well, risky and dangerous mean the same thing,

so you might want to use a different word, for example, risky and tough.

Or risky and hard?

Yeah. That sort of thing. Though tough and hard could mean the same thing, too.

Look, we're on a mission, and that's that.

OK. But if it's either risky, or dangerous then...

(yells) No!

(yells) No!

Right. That's better. Shall we carry on?

(pants) Sorry I'm late. What have I missed?

Uh, what have I missed, King Henry the Horrible?

Welcome, Al the Aerobic. Not much.

- You what? - You haven't missed much.

Oh, thank you. Who are you?

I am Peter the Perfect!

Banished to the Swamplands for speaking the eternal truth!

Oh. That's tough.

But not hard and tough, because that could mean the same thing.

Oh, for goodness' sake! Let's get on with it, shall we?

- Get on with what? - Our mission!

Oh, right. What's one of them, then?

Our mission, oh, Knights of the Purple Hand...

I'm not too late, am I?

- Greetings, Graham the Greedy. - Where are we up to, then?

Our mission is to find the Crimson Cutlass,

and bring it back to its rightful home.

But doesn't the Crimson Cutlass belong to Margaret?

Yeah. And she's never going to give it to us.

I know no one with that name!

- And it's rightfully mine, because... - Because?

- Just because. - Because what, Henry?

- Because it's rightfully mine! - But...

(sighs) Shall we get on,

otherwise this episode will be over before we've even started?

Oh, right. Cool.

Not cool?

Where's Ralph the Rudulus?

His grandma's taken him to the posh car emporium.

Ooo-ee! Get him!

So, what's next then, Henry? Uh, I mean, Your Kingship, Sire?

The Tunnel of Eternal Peril.

Ooh, goody! That's one of my favorite bits!

- (neighs) - What are you doing, worm?

Whoa, beauty!

I thought we were traveling by horse.

And I haven't got any coconuts, so I thought I'd clap my hands instead.

I've got some coconuts, but they're at home.

- Shall get them, Your Kingship, Sire? - No, thank you.

We can do without the coconuts.

- Halt! - We have halted, Henry.

We have now arrived at the Tunnel of Eternal Peril.

Ooh, the Tunnel of Eternal Peril.

Oh, Keeper of the Tunnel of Eternal Peril, do you hear me?

I hear you, weary traveler.

May we pass, Keeper of the Tunnel of Eternal Peril?

What does "Eternal Peril" mean anyway?

I'm not sure, but I don't think it's anything very good.

May we pass, Keeper--

I heard what you said!

I'm just trying to remember what I have to say next.

(sighs)

Look, I say, "May we pass,"

and you say, "Only if you answer my questions three,"

and then I say, "Do your worst," and then...

Oh, oh, yes, I remember.

Only if you answer my questions three.

Do your worst, oh, Keeper of the Tunnel of Eternal Peril.

(chuckles) This is fun.

You go first, Bert the Beefy.

What is your name?

I dunno.

What is your mission?

I dunno.

What is your favorite food?

I dunno.

You may pass, oh, Brave Knight of the Purple Hand.

This might take a bit of time, 'cause I've got lots of favorite foods.

(slurps)

Your turn now, Henry.

I mean, King Henry the Horrible.

(sighs) About time, too.

What is your name?

Look, just get to the third question. It's nearly teatime.

We haven't got close to the home of the Crimson Cutlass.

Oh. Alright, then.

What is three times 54 divided by 12?

What? Why are you asking me a really difficult one?

- (leaves rustle) - We could do with Brian the Brainy.

Yeah, well, he's off buying spare car parts with his dad.

Truly he is wise in the ways of science.

Look, can't you let me through?

Rules is rules, Henry. That's what you always say.

(roars)

You don't frighten me, Henry!

The answer's 13 and a half, Your Kingship, Sire.

Right. Thank you, worm.

Am I unbanished, Your Kingship, Sire?

I'll think about it. (gulps)

The Crimson Cutlass.

ALL: The Crimson Cutlass.

BOY: Psst. King Henry.

- Is it our turn now? - Yes, but we'll have to be quick.

Oh, right, then. Come on, Fluffy. It's our turn.

(yawns)

(growls) I am the Terrible Tiger.

(growls)

And this is the Terrible Tigress.

(growls)

(all gasp)

Whoa! That's scary.

Yeah. Scarier than a plateful of salad!

Run away!

Wait for me!

♪ King Henry wasn't very brave ♪

♪ In fact he was a terrible knave ♪

♪ He was a liar and a cheat ♪

♪ But for horridness He really couldn't be beat ♪

Out of my way, worm!

Yes, Your Kingship, Sire.

At last. The Treehouse of Terror.

GRAHAM AND AL: The Treehouse of Terror.

The Treehouse of Terror.

(echoes) Is there an echo in here?

Greetings, fair lady.

Who you calling a lady?

It is I, King Henry the Horrible.

Never heard of you.

- I'll have a go, shall I, Henry? - Be my guest.

And who might you be, fair lady?

I am Margaret the Magnificent.

- Are you also the Lady of the Lake? - You what?

The Lady of the Lake. You know, the lady that lives in the lake.

What's he going on about, living in a lake?

This is the paradise in which I live.

And oi! No going in our shrubbery.

It makes my dad really mad when you go in our shrubbery.

(meows)

You were saying?

We've come for the Crimson Cutlass!

The Crimson Cutlass?

Yes. The Crimson Cutlass.

Susan the Sour!

You called, m'lady?

Oh, don't you start with the lady stuff.

I'm Margaret the Magnificent.

Yeah, Margaret the Magnificent.

Bring out the rubber chicken.

If you think you're getting my Crimson Cutlass,

you've got another thing coming.

And speaking of thinking, you have the brain of a duck.

Well, you're nothing, but a moody old moose.

And a llama farmer!

Cool. A rubber chicken.

Teatime, boys!

- We win! - Uh...

You're unbanished, worm.

(screams)