Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

(yawns and farts)

(chuckles) Oops, sorry.

Out of my way, worm.

- (squelches) - PETER: Ugh! What's that?

Gross Goo. Top grade. Snotbag extraordinaire.

Mum! Henry called me a snotbag.

MUM: Don't be horrid, Henry.

(growls and sighs)

You wouldn't think I was Lord High Majesty

of the Purple Hand Gang, would you?

(grunts)

(yells) No!

Ah, there you are. And, no, it didn't hurt too much, since you asked.

Mum's told me to tidy up every last bit of everything, or else.

Every last bit of everything, Henry, or else.

- Or else what, Mum? - Or else... Or else...

Oh, just or else, Henry.

This, my friend, is the best!

And only the best is good enough for me.

(grunts)

Ooh, uh, uh, ooh, uh.

Ooh, uh... Ouch!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

(chuckles) That was meant to happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I used to play with him all the time.

I am the Raider of the Lost Fart.

Prepare to meet thy doom!

You are a worthy adversary.

But victory is mine!

(groans)

You got me, brave Sir Knight of the Black Heart.

Yeah?

- Gotcha! - (grunts)

- MUM: Henry? - Yes, Mum?

I see you've nearly finished tidying up.

Yes, Mum.

At least you won't be needing anything for Christmas.

Yeah. No! I mean...

What did you mean by that?

I meant you've got so many toys

you're not going to need any more for a very long time.

Ouch!

But...

What are we gonna do, Fang?

I can't not have any more toys for a very long time.

I need toys.

I am toys.

I suppose I could...

No, that won't work. Or maybe...

(hooting)

Cool! The new Toy Heaven catalogue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Only not cool, 'cause I'm never gonna get to Toy Heaven.

- (Henry sighs) - (groans)

Wish I could make it all invisible.

Eureka!

That's it!

I'll give it all away.

- Huh? - Yeah!

If I give it all away, then I won't have any toys,

and Mum and Dad will have to buy me some new ones!

- Sorry, old friend. - Oh?

She'll never find you there.

"Wanted. Someone to take all my toys away. So I can get new ones."

"Signed. Henry."

(chuckles) That should do the trick.

Good job, Fang.

Fang, let's put these up and then we can grab ourselves a bit of Toy Heaven.

FANG: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you can't say we haven't tried.

(horn honks)

(chuckles) Oh, that is so cool!

(horn honks)

(doorbell rings)

You want to take everything?

He wants to take everything!

(chuckles) How cool is that?

I'll be right back.

Hmm, I need something to put it all in.

Think, Henry, think.

Oh, this'll do. Come on, Fang. Help me get it all in.

(horn honks)

Bye, toys!

Come on, Fang. Let's get choosing.

(horn honks)

(doorbell rings)

One here. And one here.

One for you. And one for me.

(horn honks)

- It's tidy in here. - Yep.

Wait. Does that mean it's all stuffed in your bedroom cupboard?

No. I've given it all away.

- You have? - Yep.

Henry, can I borrow your creepy castle kit?

We're having a scary night in for Gordon's birthday and...

- Nope. - Nope what?

- No. You can't borrow it. - Mum!

You can't borrow it, because I haven't got it.

What?

Henry's given it all away, he says.

It's true. It's all gone.

- All of it? - All of it.

Including the creepy castle kit.

Don't worry, sweetie pie.

Toy Heaven will have one.

Ooh, goody! Can we go and get one now, Mum. Can we? Pleasity please?

(chuckles) Alright, Peter. Go and get your coat.

Looks like we're going to Toy Heaven!

Is there anything else you want from Toy Heaven, bunny bundle?

- Ooh! - Well, since you're asking...

- BOTH: Henry! - I'd like one of these.

And one of these, and one, maybe two of these.

Don't be horrid, Henry!

Just saying.

Turns out Mum was talking to the worm, not to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the trip to Toy Heaven wasn't heavenly after all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(imitates burping and farting)

Yeah, I miss my Gross dolls, too.

It's one of my sticky spiders! It can't be.

Let's find out what's going on.

This just came in through my window.

- That's mine. - I know.

But where did it come from?

I think I know.

- Henry? - Yes, Mum?

Would you know why my bedspread

is hanging up on next door's washing line?

Um, no.

GIRL: Go away.

No! You've got my stuff.

- And? - And I want it all back.

Sorry, Henry. Not possible.

Why isn't it possible?

Because it's my stuff now.

My dad paid a lot of money of it.

"A present for my precious little Margaret Millicent Maudita,

'cause she's such a superstar," he said.

Couldn't believe my luck when I found out what he'd really bought.

Yeah, well, it was all a mistake.

Maybe. But you're not getting it back.

Unless...

Unless you agree to play a game of my choice

every day for a whole month.

And then what?

And then you'll get your stuff back.

- That's it? - That's it.

(sighs) Deal.

Sorry. Didn't hear you. What did you say?

I said deal.

What did I do to deserve this?

Now, this game is called Tutu Time.

I'll go first.

(both laugh)

(yells) No!

TV: And on tonight's edition of "Who Do We Think You Might Be?"

we ask, are you this person?

Ready for my bedtime story, Mum.

Bedtime, Henry.

TV: Because if you are this person...

- It's not my bedtime. - Yes, it is.

TV: ...then we need you to...

HENRY: I never go to sleep at the same time as the worm.

Don't be horrid, Henry.

(sighs) You might not go to sleep at the same time as Peter, Henry,

but it is still your bedtime.

Mr Tiddler is waiting.

- But I want to watch-- - It's bedtime.

- But I want to watch-- - Not you. Henry.

- Oh, uh, yes, Henry. Bedtime. - But...

Get in touch with us.

Mr Tiddler's getting very cross.

Oh, for goodness' sake!

Don't you want to read Mr Tiddler to me?

Because we think...

Of course I do, sweet chicken.

Sweet chicken?

You might be him. Or her.

- Henry! - Or even it.

- Yes, Mum? - PETER: Mum!

(shouts) Henry! Upstairs! Now!

(yells) No!

(sighs)

"This is the story of Mr Tiddler."

"A cat who couldn't help being the nicest cat in the whole wide world."

A cat who couldn't help meowing,

because he was the nicest cat in the whole wide world.

"So Mr Tiddler jumped up onto the chair,

and did a great big..."

No, he didn't!

He turned round three times.

And then he did a great big...

(shouts) Mum!

MUM: Don't be horrid, Henry!

Can you believe I'm having to do this?

Come on, Henry. What happens next?

"'Phew, that was close,' said Mr Tiddler. The end."

Henry, you cheated.

- Who cares? - I do.

And so does everyone who loves Mr Tiddler more than anything.

Huh, that'll be just you then.

I'm not the only one, Henry.

Bedtime story finished, Peter?

- No. - Yes.

(yawns) Oh, is that the time?

Ooh, I really must get to bed.

School tomorrow.

Mum, will you read it to me?

Of course, I will honey bun.

Where did you get to?

Mr Tiddler jumped up onto the chair and turned around three times.

Oh, I love this bit.

(chuckles) Me too.

MUM: "Mr Tiddler jumped up onto the chair..."

(owl hoots)

(tablet beeps)

Henry, she's alive!

Horrid child.

Who's alive?

Oh, Henry, don't you know anything?

I know a dog just tried to wee on my leg.

Why would he want to do that?

How should I know?

Have you heard the good news, Henry?

Yeah. She's alive.

Ooh, this is my most favorite book in the whole wide world.

Actually, I think it's my most favorite book in the whole wide universe!

This is my life.

Filled with nothing but Mr Tiddler books and a dog that wants to wee on my leg.

MUM: Why would he want to do that, Henry?

Look, Henry. Mum brought this back from work for me.

Great.

Come on, Henry. We're celebrating.

(Mum and Dad chuckle)

Just think, if I hadn't been watching my favorite TV show,

we'd never have known what happened to her.

Who said TV doesn't tell you anything?

Exactly, Henry.

- So can I go and watch some now? - No.

- But you just said... - N-O spells no, Henry.

Great. I'll go and do my homework, then.

That's the little old lady.

What did you say, Henry?

I said... Nothing.

Tell me, Henry. Or I'll tell Mum.

You'll tell Mum what?

Whatever.

You'll still get into trouble.

Now tell me.

That looks like the little old lady.

- PETER: With the dog that wees? - Yeah.

Oh, it can't be.

She's alive and well and living a glamorous life as a famous writer.

It said so on Dad's TV show.

(scoffs) Whatever. See you later, poopergator!

(Peter gasps)

It is her!

And she's living on our road!

Who would have believed it?

Ahem.

- Um, ahem. - Yes?

- I want to ask you something. - Can't you see I'm busy?

This is important.

- No, it's not. - Yes, it is.

It's important, because if you don't listen to me,

then I'm going to tell everyone that you read me bedtime stories.

You've got five seconds.

I want you to introduce me.

Alright, then.

This is my wormy worm little brother, also known as Perfect Peter.

OK?

No! I mean, introduce me to her.

Why would I want to do that?

Because I'll let you have all my TV turns for a week.

A month. A year.

(sighs) OK.

Huh! That was easy!

It's worth it.

I've written her a Mr Tiddler story.

Why would you do that? She's got lots of her own.

It's called fan fiction. Don't you know anything, Henry?

I knew that.

And I'm going to ask her to sign all my books.

And I'm going to make loads more Mr Tiddler fairy cakes.

With pom poms on.

That sounds like a good idea. Off you go, then.

What? Those fairy cakes were good.

Um, excuse me.

What is it, horrid boy?

HENRY: I know who you are.

Do you?

And my wormy... My little brother really likes your books.

And I should care because?

Well, because he likes them. And you wrote them.

Yeah, well, I don't like children.

I can see that.

Don't like cats either.

- But Mr Tiddler's a cat! - I had noticed.

Come on, Mr Tiddler. We're off.

Huh! Mr Piddler more like.

Gah! Not another horrid boy coming to pester me.

Hey, that's my brother. He only wants you to sign his books.

Huh! Some chance!

And he's written a Mr Tiddler story for you. All by himself.

Tell him I'll sue.

(sighs) This isn't going to work, is it?

Not unless we do a deal.

What sort of a deal?

Here's how it's going to work.

(whispers)

Well? What happened?

- I made a mistake. - A mistake?

- HENRY: She's not her. - Oh.

- She's her twin sister. - Oh?

But she'll get your books signed for you.

Oh!

She says you should change your story a bit.

- Oh. - I've got some ideas about that.

- Come on. - Oh!

TV: And on tonight's edition of "Would You Vote For This Person

If They Were The Last Person in the World?" we ask...

Ready for my bedtime story.

Bedtime, Henry.

- Are you sitting comfortably? - Yes.

Good. Then let's begin.

"This is the story of Mr Piddler."

"A dog who couldn't help being the horridest dog in the whole wide world."

A dog who couldn't help weeing on people's legs,

because he was the horridest dog in the whole wide world."

(chuckles)