Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK? ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

(birds chirp)

(humsFrère Jacques)

- Eek! - Ah, Peter! Nice of you to drop in.

But I... You...

What are you doing here, Margaret?

Oh, just going through some Purple Hand Gang paperwork.

But you... I...

What's this about, Margaret?

Come and sit here, Peter, and I'll tell you all about it.

No!

So, you see, Peter, the mistake you made was...

The mistake you made was...

Um, trusting you?

No. Well, yes, that was a mistake.

But the real mistake you made was...

Hmm, nope. It's not there.

The real mistake you made

was getting Henry to write all the passwords down in one place.

Ah, yes, I see. And then...

And then putting the top-secret Purple Hand Gang documents in one place.

In my trusty pink box.

That's right. Your trusty pink box.

Only problem is I've got a trusty pink box, too.

And it's got all the top-secret Purple Hand Gang documents in it.

(gasps)

PETER: Ow!

Peter, I need your help.

- You do? - I do.

But I... Hang on a minute.

If you've got all the top-secret documents already,

then why do you need my help?

Because they're not top secret anymore.

What do you mean?

Well, obviously, they're nottopsecret anymore,

because you've seen them, but they're still secret.

No, Peter.

Not just a little bit secret?

No, Peter.

You mean Henry knows about this?

You could even say he's masterminding it.

Huh! Henry couldn't mastermind his way out of a paper bag!

He relies on everyone else to do his horrid work.

That's what he wants us all to think, Peter, but really...

But really he's masterminding everything.

Yes.

In fact, you could say that he is the mastermind of all masterminds.

Oh.

It's not fair, Al. How come you can do walkie keepie-uppies, and I can't?

I'm good at them, and you're not.

- That doesn't entirely explain it. - You what, Henry?

- Wait there. I'll be back in a minute. - Right, Henry.

Is this really necessary, Margaret?

Do you want to out-mastermind the mastermind or not?

I do, Margaret. The double-crossing dealer!

The dirty rat!

Yes! The scurvy knave.

Dirty rotten scoundrel!

- (Henry whistles) - (gasps) Quick! Here he comes!

We need a gag.

Here. Bite on this.

Mmm, mmm.

(muffled speech)

(whistles)

Enemy attack!

- Peter? - Henry.

What are you doing, worm?

And why are you attacking me with apples?

It's me who's been attacked! Can't you see?

Oh, yeah. Who else is here?

No one.

Did you tie yourself up, then?

No, Henry. It was Margaret.

HENRY: Hmm, not bad.

For a bogey brain.

But why would she bother tyingyouup?

Because I'm chief secretary of the Purple Hand Gang.

- So? - So...

There's been a breach in security.

(laughs) A breach in security?

A breach in security?

What have you done, Peter?

Nothing. I mean, everything.

She knows everything?

PETER: She knows everything.

You mean she knows that the password is...?

And that the secret handshake looks like...?

And that we hide the biscuit tin in the...?

But this is terrible news!

What about me, Henry?

What about you, worm?

I'm all tied up.

If you shout loudly enough, I'm sure Mum'll hear you.

Where are you going, Henry?

To convene an emergency meeting of the Purple Hand Gang, of course!

Well, that went well.

- Ooh, do you think so? - No!

He didn't reveal the password, or the secret handshake,

or where he hides the biscuit tin.

Oh. But I thought you knew all that already.

If I knew all that already, then why would I be here bothering with you?

Oh, I suppose I didn't really think that through.

That's right, Peter. You didn't really think that through.

- As usual. - Where are you going, Margaret?

To spy on the emergency meeting of the Purple Hand Gang, of course!

- But what about me, Margaret? - I'm sure you'll figure something out.

Mum!

What's going on, Henry?

Emergency meeting of the Purple Hand Gang.

Why are we going on the bus?

- Usually we go to Ralph's house. - Too obvious.

- Where are we going? - Wait and see.

Should have known better than to leave it all to an amateur!

Hmm! Meeting in the dark, are you?

Ha! You can't fool me.

(all chatter over each other)

Hang on! We're never going to get anywhere.

Here. We'll use this.

Whoever's holding it gets to speak. Who wants to go first?

Obviously, this is a serious issue.

What we gonna do about it, Henry?

(giggles)

No money.

- Cool! Can I use your bus pass, Bert? - I dunno.

- Can I use this? - I dunno.

Eureka!

That's it!

- (bell dings) - You're a genius, Bert!

He dunno.

Oi! I know you're in there.

I say, hello?

I'm looking for the Purple Hand Gang.

The Purple what?

The Purple Hand Gang.

Oh, what's the point? I'm coming down.

- Bit odd. - Very odd, if you ask me.

Here, you don't think she's Ralph's girlfriend, do you?

(Margaret mutters)

Hope not.

♪ I can feel a twinkling ♪

♪ I can hear a sound ♪

I'm remembering all my happy songs to keep my spirits up.

That's what theBest Boys' Book of Daring Deedssuggests.

Henry! I knew you'd come back for me!

Found it!

There you go.

- What's that, Henry? - The very first Purple Pass.

AL: Oh, right.

HENRY: One for you.

How do I know this isn't going to fall into enemy hands?

Oh, no, Lord High Majesty.

You can trust me.

I will guard this with my life!

Best Boys' honor! Number Gnomes honor!

Yeah, yeah.

You can rely on me, your number one chief secretary,

to never let you down.

Let's go find the others.

And to make sure that this Purple Pass, this pass of purpleness,

which represents so much in my life,

will never, ever, ever fall into enemy hands!

Ooh, wait for me!

(grunts)

Wait for me!

(Margaret cackles)

MARGARET: Dear Bogey Brain,

it's time to change the game.

Sign here if you are brave enough.

Take this to your leader.

Dear Bogey Brain, I'm brave enough to change the game.

Signed, Me.

I am so gonna get you this time, Henry.

(cackles)

(grunts)

(Henry laughs)

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - (laughs)

- (bag squelches) - (laughs)

Yes, worm?

Chief Secretary of the Purple Hand Gang reporting for duty, sir.

What is it now, worm? Here, hold this.

(sighs)

Yes, Lord High Majesty. (sighs)

Susan!

Found it! Now, where did I put that other snotbag?

Your snotbag, Lord High Majesty.

- (squelches) - Thanks, worm!

The pleasure is all mine, Lord High Majesty.

(grunts)

Pull, Susan! Pull the rope!

Yeah, pull the rope.

- Ahem. - What is it, worm?

You haven't forgotten about your appointment with the enemy,

have you, Lord High Majesty?

You what?

Your appointment. With the enemy.

Oh, that.

Fuss about nothing, if you ask me.

My spies tell me she has a new and secret weapon.

HENRY: Does she now?

Well, maybe we've a new and secret weapon or two of our own, eh, Fang?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But...

Hey, Henry, ready for some action?

Right. Let's start with the easy ones.

Bogey brain. Beetle brain. Duck brain.

Any other kind of brain?

Duh, no, 'cause brains don't really come into it.

Yeah, don't really.

Do you mind? I'm thinking.

Oh, yeah. I'm thinking.

Good. 'Cause we need more names.

Yeah. More names.

You what, Margaret?

More names. I said we need more names!

Oh, yeah. We need more names.

Go on, then. Look in there.

Yeah. Look in there. You what, Margaret?

Go on. Open the book.

Yeah. Open the book.

(sighs) This is what I have to work with.

I haven't got all day, Susan.

Oh, yeah. All day Susan.

Oh, I'll do it, then, shall I?

Yeah. Shall I?

Susan, we are in the presence of greatness.

Yeah. The presence of greatness.

I don't mean just me, Susan.

I mean this book.

Yeah. This book.

I mean, how could one person write all those words?

Yeah. All those words. Who wrote all those words, Margaret?

Oh I don't know. Some guy called Shaky Spear.

But I've heard he is the King of Insults.

And that's what we need.

Ooh, that's not bad.

Huh! I like this one.

That could work.

Pribbling onion-eyed moldwarp.

Yeah. Mold... You what, Margaret?

Moldwarp. Pribbling onion-eyed moldwarp.

Write that one down, Susan. We'll start with that one.

(rings)

Oyez, oyez, oyez.

Let round one commence.

(rings)

Ask not for whom the bell tolls.

What's that meant to mean?

Dunno. Heard it somewhere. Sounded cool.

Oi!

I said oi!

Ready to change the game?

Are you talking to me, bogey brain?

(cackles) Bogey brain? Is that the best you can come up with?

Well, it's been good enough for you so far.

Susan!

What's that when it's at home?

This, my friend, is what we in the business call a game changer.

Yeah, a game changer.

(snorts)

- MARGARET: It's not a game, Al. - But you just said--

I said it was a game changer!

I didn't say it was a game.

- Susan! - Oh, yeah.

Well, I reckon that's round one to me.

Yeah. Round one to us.

Alright, then. Round one to us.

Careful with that, Susan!

Yeah. Careful, Susan.

If it's not a game, then how can it be a game changer?

Who knows? That's bogey-brain logic.

We've got to think Purple Hand Gang logic, Al.

- Right. - Snotbags!

- Cool! I was thinking that too, Henry. - How many have you got?

At least 50. Want me to go and get them?

- Good idea. - (bell rings)

- I'll hold the fort while you're gone. - Back in a roly mo!

This is a game changer.

Come on, then. Give me what you've got.

Go on, then, Susan.

Give him what we've got.

Yeah. What we've got.

"Onion-eyed. Pribbling. Moldwarp. Scullion."

"Tickle. Brained. Weather. Bitten."

Is that the best you can do?

Oh, for goodness' sake!

"Thou onion-eyed pribbling moldwarp."

"Tickle brained scullion."

"Weather-bitten wagtail."

"Grey-coated gnat."

"Creature of bombast!"

No more!

That's how it's done, Susan.

Yeah. How it's done.

Round three. Bring it on.

- (whimpers) - Henry! What happened?

I don't know. All those names.

They just sort of rushed at me and...

She called me a moldy warp.

You rest, Henry. I'll take it from here.

No! I'm coming with you!

Alright, then. But let me deal with it, OK?

OK. I'll watch your back.

- Well, that was fun. - Yeah. Fun.

(cackles)

Here's Vicky!

Get rid of her, Susan. She'll ruin everything.

Yeah. Ruin everything.

(cackles)

Great! Just great!

- Sir, I-- - Where's Al?

We've got to help him!

Oh, bother!

(Vicky snorts)

Round three! Here I come!

Thou errant mumble-news.

Magnanimous moose.

Lazy loitering llama.

Thou giddy goose. Malingering map of woe.

Lumpish lily-livered lout.

Ouch.

What kept you so long, Peter?

It's not easy stacking snotbags, you know.

(snorts)

(squelching)

Scatter-brain scullion.

Mammering mountain goat!

Villainous villain of villainy!

(both grunt)

MARGARET: Woeful wind-breaking windbag of wilderness!

Fearful friend of filibusters!

(splutters and coughs)

So, who's a moldy warp now?

(sighs and pants)

Get lost, you... you...

- Bogey brain? - That'll do!

For now.