Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK? ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

(birds chirp)

(imitates whirring motor)

Out, worm!

Henry, we need to talk.

We've just talked, worm.

I'm talking now, and you've just been talking. So, out.

No, I mean, we have to talk to each other.

I am talking to you. Out, worm!

Oh, you are so annoying, Henry!

Well, if I'm so annoying, why do you need to talk to me?

Because... (sighs)

Because you're the leader of the Purple Hand Gang.

Hang on a minute. Is that what this is all about?

The Purple Hand Gang?

Yes.

Lord High Majesty, the Purple Hand Gang is in grave danger.

Let me tell you why.

So, you see, it's all about managing your data.

Run that by me one more time. What's data got to do with it?

Data is information, Henry.

And data can be dangerous.

If it falls into the wrong hands.

So, a complete review of your records and admin systems

should just about do it.

But I haven't got time for all that.

I've got a new Grosser-Than-Gross Snotbag to try out.

I know, Henry. That's where I come in!

HENRY: How?

Make me your chief secretary, Lord High Majesty.

And you reckon that'll keep the Purple Hand Gang out of danger?

We can but try.

Alright, then.

But you're not allowed to sit on the Sofa of Doom.

Of course not, Lord High Majesty.

Alright, it's a deal.

Oh, now, where did I put that snotbag?

Mum, I'm chief secretary to the Purple Hand Gang!

Uh... how did that happen?

(yells)

(hums)

(both laugh)

- (both laugh) - (rustling)

Did you hear something?

Henry, look! Someone's spying on us.

Hey! What are you doing?

(Peter grunts)

Hey, this shoe is...

- Peter's. - But...

(muffled) Help!

(sighs) Ready?

(Peter grunts)

(exhales) Now... where was I?

You were spying on us, Peter.

No, I wasn't. Tell him, Henry.

Tell me what, Henry?

Well, the worm and I just have a little deal going on. It's nothing, really.

A little deal going on?

He was spying on us, Henry.

No, I wasn't. I was making an inventory.

An inventory? What's one of them, then?

An inventory. A list. Of our assets.

Our assets? What's he talking about, Henry?

All part of a chief secretary's job.

(sighs)

The Purple Hand Gang is in danger, Ralph.

- Is it? - PETER: Yes, it is.

- And I'm part of the solution. - You are?

Apparently, he is.

So I had to agree for him to be chief secretary.

As long as he delivers the goods.

I will, Lord High Majesty. I will.

What did I say about not sitting on the Sofa of Doom?

Oh! Of course, Lord High Majesty.

I apologize.

Don't worry, Ralph. I'm good.

In fact, I'm the best.

Hmm, that lot are up to something,

or my name's not Margaret Millicent Maudita Smythe.

Susa-a-a-an!

(rock music blasts)

(shouts) Henry!

(music stops)

What did you do that for?

I need to speak with you, Lord High Majesty.

We need to talk passwords.

Well, do we have to do this now, worm?

The sooner we have everything written down,

the sooner we can be certain that...

Yeah, I know, the sooner we can be certain

that the Purple Hand Gang is safe from any bogey brains

that might want to have a go at it.

Well, that's not exactly how I was going to put it, but, yes.

Alright, then, worm, what do you want me to do?

Why don't you take a seat over here?

Then you can fill in the form I've made.

(sighs) Finished, worm.

Your snotbag, Lord High Majesty.

- Cool! Thanks, worm. - (squelches)

(squelches)

Uh, Lord High Majesty...

What is it, worm?

Do you think we could drop the "worm" bit now?

No... worm.

Of course, Lord High Majesty. I just thought I'd ask.

(squelches)

Come on, Henry. Let's have a go.

- (squelches) - (all laugh)

(clears throat) Knock, knock.

Sounds like your chief secretary, Henry.

- Sounds like Peter. - Exactly.

What's going on, Henry?

What's going on, worm?

(clears throat) Chief Secretary reporting for duty, Lord High Majesty.

What are you talking about?

You're having a meeting with the Purple Hand Gang.

Yes. But what's it got to do with you?

We need to make sure that meetings from now on are minuted properly.

That way you're protected if--

Alright, alright, you'd better come in.

Peter at a Purple Hand Gang meeting?

Hmm, there's definitely something going on. Susan!

Oh! Still not here.

Same old story.

If you want a job doing, do it yourself.

(Peter groans)

Well, that was easy.

Margaret!

Gotcha!

- (shouts) No! - RALPH: What's going on?

Uh, nothing.

Just lost my footing.

Well, just don't lose that data, Peter.

We wouldn't want that to fall into enemy hands now, would we?

Uh, no.

(gulps) We wouldn't.

Help.

(cackles)

Well, Margaret, you are a genius!

Yeah, genius you are, Margaret.

For what have we here?

"Minutes of a meeting of the Purple Hand Gang."

"Strictly private and confidential."

Yeah, right!

(cackles)

You can do it, Peter.

- You can do it. - "Do not read under pain of death."

Yeah, double-right! (cackles)

Henry's going to be so mad. He'll never speak to me again.

Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

(gasps) But I won't be chief secretary anymore.

Let's see what's inside, shall we?

I've got to do something.

What would Henry do?

He would attack. That's what he would do.

"Item one on the agenda, Grosser-Than-Gross Snotbag testing."

"Item two on the agenda, is the new snotbag better than the old one?"

Well, this is interesting.

Snotbags. Is that all they ever think about?

This is it. Concentrate, Peter.

Snotbags and more snotbags.

(yells)

Oh, what's the point?!

(growls)

(yells) I'll get you, Peter!

(sighs with relief)

You sure everything's alright, worm?

Oh, yes, Lord High Majesty.

Uh, just thought I'd take a little run round the garden.

That's weird.

Uh, yes, Lord High Majesty.

Night, chief secretary of the Purple Hand Gang.

(Margaret growls)

(groans)

Once a bogey brain, always a bogey brain.

And so it is always at this time of the year that...

(yawns)

Henry, are we keeping you awake?

Uh, yes, Miss Battle-Axe.

I mean, no, Miss Battle-Axe.

Pay attention, then.

Oh, sorry, Miss Battle-Axe. Late night last night.

I'm sure.

Now, as I was saying, it's that time of year

when we say goodbye to our old class rep...

- Goodbye. - Good riddance.

...and we say hello to our new class rep.

Oh, please, miss! Pick me, miss!

Now, then, Nicola, as old class rep...

- Goodbye. - Yes, thank you, Nicola.

As old class rep, would you remind us of our class motto?

- Bogeyus maximus! - (giggles)

(clears throat) Do unto others as you would be done by.

Thank you, Nicola.

That means you'd better all behave, or else.

No, it doesn't. It means...

Yes, thank you, Brian.

So, Nicola, it's time for a new class rep.

- Goodbye. - And a new class motto.

Who are you going to choose, Nicola?

Oh, please, miss! Me, miss!

Ah, yes, Margaret.

Too moody.

Not today, thank you, Margaret.

- (snivels) - Too weepy.

No, thank you, William.

(sobs)

MISS BATTLE-AXE: No. No. And Bert...

Do you really want to...?

I dunno.

I choose...

...Henry.

No!

No!

Thank you, Nicola. Class dismissed.

(class cheers)

Couldn't organize a paper bag in a sweet shop.

Do I understand, Margaret,

that you think you should have been chosen as class rep?

Well, that's obvious, isn't it?

I mean... yes, miss.

- Alright, then. - Alright, then, what?

Alright, then, you can be class rep. Now, could I get past, please?

Almost right, Henry.

Alright, then, you can sort it out between you.

Rules of engagement are as follows...

You've got 24 hours to convince me that you should be class rep.

Yes!

OK.

Thank you, miss! I won't let you down, miss!

I know you won't, Margaret.

I'm looking forward to hearing all about it.

You can go now, Margaret.

Yes, miss. Just one more question.

Yes, Margaret?

Would I be correct in assuming

that the class motto will be a determining factor?

Oh, the best class motto wins, Susan.

You would be correct, Margaret.

That means yes, Susan.

But don't tell Henry that.

- Bet you're happy, Henry. - Yeah! Why?

'Cause you don't have to be class rep anymore.

Yeah. Though...

Though what?

There's something about being in competition with Margaret.

No, Henry. No, no!

No!

Let's go and play football.

- Oi! - Hey!

"Amid a world of noisy, shallow actors,

it is noble to stand aside, and say, 'I will simply be.'"

You what?

Be not afraid of greatness.

Some are born great,

some achieve greatness,

and others have greatness thrust upon them.

Just ignore her, Henry.

The fault, dear Henry, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.

What you gonna do now, Henry?

Men of few words are the best men, slugsnot.

(cackles) Call that a motto?

You won't get very far with that.

What did you say?

I mean, that's not a winning class motto, is it?

Oh! (groans)

We weren't supposed to tell him about the class motto!

Well, now you have.

So all's fair in love and war, as they say.

Please tell me you're not going to do it.

- Do what? - Whatever you're thinking of doing.

Ah, you've got to remember, Ralph, when life throws you a lemon...

Throw it right back! Back me up here, will you?

Mirror, mirror, not on the wall,

who will be class rep after all?

You will, Margaret.

Oh. So, what shall we do first?

Well, I'd recommend finding your motto.

Once that's in place, the rest is easy.

"Do something today that your future self will thank you for."

Huh! Too easy!

I've dumped Susan, and made you my campaign manager,

and it's not even teatime yet.

"One man's truth is another man's lie." Well, that's not true.

"Eyes in front of you, not behind you."

Well, that's obvious.

You've got lots of cups.

Yeah, well... "You can't control what you don't measure."

How does that work?

I have lots of cups. It means I'm great.

Yeah. Great at getting up in the morning.

Great at doing something great today.

And great at being the best daughter.

Yeah, well, my dad gave me that one.

So, what's going to get you best at being class rep, then?

Well, I'm clever, smart, nice, kind, pretty, generous, a perfectionist -

that can be a good thing, as well as a bad thing, by the way -

and I'm just all-round perfect.

- Anything else you got going for you? - Huh! What else do I need?

HENRY: Don't let the bogey brains get you down!

Vote for a class rep without a frown!

(shouts) Very funny, Henry!

But nowhere near good enough.

You get what you incentivize, Henry!

What's that supposed to mean?

Henry, Mum says tea's ready, so come and wash your hands!

Go away, worm! Can't you see I'm busy?

(both laugh)

Oh, yes, you're very busy, Henry. Doing nothing!

Why don't you go and have your tea,

and quit worrying about whether you're going to be class rep?

'Cause, don't you know, "quitters never win and winners never quit!"

They've got a point, Henry.

But I'm not quitting, Peter.

Do you really want that kind of hassle in your life, Henry?

What do you mean?

"He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day!"

I can't run away from them. I'll never hear the end of it.

Alright, then. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Alright! Just stop with the mottos! You're driving me crazy!

Well, what have you got to say for yourself, worm?

"If you can't understand my silence, then you can't understand my words."

(laughs)

What a worm!

They don't call you Nasty Nicola for nothing, do they?

You sure you want to be class rep badly enough, Margaret?

"Fortune favors the brave," Henry.

Come on. You can do it!

Thank you. I think.

Remind me why old Battle-Axe

thought it was a good idea for you to be joint class reps.

No idea. All I know is I went in this morning

ready to tell her I didn't want to be class rep after all.

And?

Margaret said she didn't want to be class rep, either.

Something about not being nasty enough after all.

- Was she kidding? - Who knows? She's such a bogey brain.

But old Battle-Axe came up with the best class motto in the end,

so it seemed rude not to say yes.

Oh. Yeah. Better the devil you know..

...than the devil you don't.

Well, it made sense at the time.

Come on, Henry. Let's rock!