Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK? ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

(birds chirp)

HENRY: Greetings, members of the mighty Purple Hand Gang.

As you can see today is Saturday, AKA chores day,

and today I am doing my Saturday chores with good cheer and a happy face.

Come on. We've got loads of things to do today.

- Laundry, Henry. - Done, Mum.

Not so fast, Henry.

- But... - It's Saturday today.

- I know. - And that means?

Yes, I know. Saturday is chores day.

- Toilet rolls? - Check.

- Laundry? - Check. I already told you that.

I know I said I would do this with good cheer and a happy face, but...

I've changed my mind.

(shouts) I hate laundry more than nearly anything else!

Except worms and bogey brains!

Hmm. That's better.

Nothing like a bit of anger management.

Right, let's get you into the machine.

Uh, I suppose you need washing, too.

(groans)

Now look what you made me do.

Oh, no. No, no, no!

(exhales)

I can do this.

Today is a good day.

You are one naughty little sock.

(roars)

(roars)

Today is a good day.

Today is going to be a good day.

Take two.

- Put this in the bin, please, Henry. - Why?

Because it's rubbish, and it belongs in the bin.

I can see that. Why have I got to do it?

- Because... - Why can't the worm do it?

Oh, don't be horrid, Henry. Peter's counting raisins for me.

Then why can't Dad do it?

Your father's getting the barbecue going.

HENRY: But it's raining.

Yes, I know.

Well, then, why can't Fluffy do it?

(meows)

Fluffy's a cat, Henry.

I know that.

Oh.

Watch this.

(grunts)

And, yes, that does make me feel better!

(grunts)

Stupid bag. Stupid, stupid bag.

- Oi, who you calling a stupid bag? - No one.

Oh, well, that's another fine mess you've gotten yourself into, Henry.

What's that supposed to mean? Another fine mess?

It doesn't even make sense.

Maybe not to a bogey brain like you.

Well, can't hang around here all day talking to the likes of you. I'm off.

Too right you are.

Stupid, stupid bag!

Don't be horrid, Henry.

Oh! What's going on here?

The bag's broken.

Yes, I can see that.

- Take this. - But...

And clear this mess up.

- But... - No buts, Henry. Just do it.

When you've finished, tidy your room.

But why?

Because Great Aunt Greta's coming to lunch.

- But why do I have to tidy my room? - Because, Henry.

We're not having lunch in my bedroom, are we?

(sighs) It's so not fair. Today is not being a good day.

Oh... good job, Henry.

Not a good day at all.

Let's try that again, shall we?

Whoa! Watch out, Henry!

Watch out yourself!

Why do grown-ups always tell you to do the things they should be doing?

Wow! That is kinda cool!

Henry!

Hmm. Dad didn't think it was kinda cool.

He thought it was kinda my fault, which, well, I suppose it was, really.

(doorbell rings)

Think I'll just stay up here. Out of trouble.

MUM: Henry?

Henry!

(sighs)

- There you are Henry. - Yep.

Come down, and say hello to Great Aunt Greta.

Hello, Great Aunt Greta.

Henrietta, how lovely to see you.

Still thinks I'm a girl.

Henry, come down, and look after Great Aunt Greta and...

- Donald. - Uh, Donald.

Donald.

Donald.

Right. Donald. I'll just...

Donald.

- I've told Donald... - Donald.

I've told Donald all about you, Henrietta.

- Have you? - Oh, yes.

I've told him about how you like wearing big knickers.

Great.

And skipping.

And that you still have a teddy bear called Mr Bill.

(roars)

(sighs) This way.

I was hoping, Henrietta, that you could show Donald...

Donald.

That you could show Donald your marvelous fort.

Oh, OK. This way, then.

- Donald wants to see my fort. - Donald.

Oh, right. Off you go, then.

Ooh, barbecue soufflé. My favorite.

- With raisins. - That's unusual.

Yes, well, we're doing our best.

I'll give you a hand, dear.

- Here we go. - Donald.

Right. Donald.

Not having a good day, Henry?

Not really.

You see, things keep going wrong. It's just not fair.

First, the washing machine, then the sock,

then the rubbish bag, and now lunch with...

Oh, I didn't mean to be rude.

Oh, that's OK, Henry.

A girl's gotta say what a girl's gotta say.

(both laugh)

Yeah, I guess you're right!

Donald.

In fact, they call me Dancing Donald.

(both laugh)

OK, Dancing Donald!

(both laugh)

You know what I always say, Henry?

- What's that? - Donald.

Dancing Donald.

(both laugh)

I always say that you're as happy as you make up your mind to be.

Yeah. You what?

One thing that makes me happy...

...is playing my air guitar.

Cool! You play air guitar?

Air-guitar champion three years running.

- Shall we, Henry? - We shall!

BOTH: Donald.

(both laugh)

(electric guitar music)

Henry? Oh, hello.

- Donald. - Hello, Donald.

- Care to join us? - Well, I...

(electric guitar music)

You know, today was a good day after all.

And you wanna know why?

Because I said so!

Mum says it's time to get up.

Mum says you have to get up now.

Mum says if you don't get up right away,

you will never read another Gross Class Zero comic.

Never watch another TV program.

I think she means it, Henry.

Alright, alright.

(groans)

(rock music blasts)

And you'll never, ever listen the Killer Boy Rats again!

(groans)

Henry!

(sighs) What is it now?

Mum says she can't find her mobile phone.

What? Again?

Yuck.

- Where is it, Henry? - Where's what?

- My mobile. - (sighs) Tried the fridge?

Oh, don't be horrid, Henry!

- Morning, Henry. - Morning.

Don't be horrid, Henry.

Peter's eaten all the Sweet Tweets.

Really? That box was only opened yesterday.

You can have some of mine, Henry.

No, thanks, worm. Too much milk.

Suit yourself.

This is all your fault, smelly nappy baby.

Why is it my fault?

Because you went shopping with Mum.

Yes. Because I'm a helpful...

- Worm? - No, I...

Look what I found.

Cool!

Is that my phone you've got there?

Oh... yes. Oops.

Thank you, Henry. I think.

- Haven't you left for work yet? - I'm leaving now.

(sighs)

Thank you!

Oh. Right, then. Who wants cereal?

Me!

Oh, after you, Henry.

There's a good boy, Peter.

Now, where did I put my tie?

(ting!)

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking another typical morning in the Henry household. You'd be right.

It is another typical morning in the Henry household. That's got me thinking.

I present to you my parents.

It's fair to say that my parents are the reason why my life just isn't fair.

Of course, there's the wormy worm and old bogey brain next door

and school and teachers and rude relatives

and dogs that wee on your leg.

Well, a whole load of things that mean my life isn't fair.

But my parents were here first.

They're always on at me to be perfect,

but let's face it, they're not exactly perfect, are they?

Even when they're not wearing silly hats,

Mum's always losing her phone,

and Dad never knows where he's put his tie.

So I thought I'd see what it was like having parents that were perfect.

(clicks fingers)

No!

No!

(clicks fingers)

Some of my friends have perfect parents.

Rude Ralph's dad is perfect.

Aerobic Al's dad is perfect.

Well, not the sporty bit, obviously, but Al likes it.

Beefy Bert's dad is perfect. At least he gets a lift to school.

New Nick's parents were kind of cool.

(sings operatically) ♪ Henry, welcome! Welco-o-o-ome! ♪

HENRY: Though they were kind of weird, too.

Not really perfect, though they let us stay up late and eat what we wanted.

(dog barks)

I suppose you could say Moody Margaret's parents are perfect.

They give her everything she wants.

(barks)

Though sometimes that's not a good thing.

(barks)

What's with those boodle poodles anyway?

So, I hope I have demonstrated to you, dear viewer,

how perfect parents can be.

(mumbles)

Oh!

With this in mind...

(mutters) Mum!

...let's see how perfect my parents could be.

(laughs)

(clicks fingers)

Henry!

This show is not about perfect worms, it's about perfect parents.

Ah, Henry, there you are.

Hello, Mum.

- Have a good day at school today? - Not really.

Oh, I'm sorry. I've been thinking about you all day.

I was worried you'd get wet on your way home.

Bert's dad gave me a lift on the bus.

Oh, what a cool guy. Now, Henry, what would you like for your tea?

Not vegetables.

(laughs) Duh! Of course not Henry.

I know you don't like vegetables.

- PETER: Mum! - HENRY: Um..

Huh! Little brother not in a good mood?

Uh, you could say that.

Don't worry. I'll make sure he's out of your way before you have your tea.

Can I watch Gross Class Breakout ?

- Have you got homework? - Not much.

Go on, then. I'm sure Dad'll do your homework when he's back.

See, the perfect parent.

TV: Gross Class Breakout!

Teatime, Henry.

Are they carrot sticks?

Go on. Try one.

Oh, they're chips!

(laughs) That's right, Henry. Mum thought she'd play a joke on you.

- No ketchup? - Ta-dah!

- You didn't think I'd forget, did you? - They're delicious.

I know.

- (laughs) Oops, naughty me. - You found your tie, then?

Of course, I know where all my ties are.

Including this one! (chuckles)

(laughs)

Now, then, what's happening with Gross Class Breakout?

(TV blasts)

Perfect!

(both snore)

Henry, Dad, time for bed.

(yawns)

Oh, yes, definitely my bedtime.

(yawns)

I'm going to watch the next Gross Class Breakout.

- You'll be needing this, then. - Thanks, Mum.

Come on, Dad. Let's get you up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.

I might watch the one after that.

Whatever you want, Henry.

I'll just shut the door, so you're not disturbed.

(TV turns on)

(purrs)

- (meows) - Ow!

(yawns)

I like perfect.

Perfect is good.

But it's time for bed now.

(snores)

What is it?

It's time to get up, Henry.

- But... - It's alright. I packed your schoolbag.

Oh, right.

And here's your lunchbox. Full of all the things you like!

Hmm, that's good.

I found six copies of that comic you like, in case you get bored in class.

Uh, OK.

Some DVDs in case you get really bored.

Oh, and you'll be needing this.

Mum, I'm not sure...

And I even found my mobile.

You can borrow it until we get you your own brand-new one.

How cool is that?!

Uh, cool. I think.

(phone rings)

I'll go and get breakfast ready.

It's a double-cheesy whopper burger with all the trimmings. Your favorite.

Um, yeah.

(rock music plays)

Oh, sorry, Henry. That's not nearly loud enough, is it?

(rock music blasts)

No!