Original subtitles

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face and brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king, I'll do my thing ♪

♪ Then my life would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang rules, OK? ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

RALPH: Password?

- Um... - Can't let you in without the password.

Uh, uh, uh... ketchup?

RALPH: Nope. That was last week's password.

- Chips? - That was the week before.

(sobs) Give me a clue! Please.

RALPH: (sighs) Alright, then.

Moody Margaret is a...

Ooh! Uh, uh...

A moldy old measle!

Enter, esteemed Purple Hand Gang member.

- Hey, Ralph. - Hey, Al.

Hey!

- What do you think you're doing? - What do you think you're doing?

You're supposed to ask him for a password before you let him in,

not have a chat first.

- AL: Can I come in now? - What's the password?

Moldy old measle.

Updated security.

Password has now been changed.

- AL: What's going on, Ralph? - Uh, hang on, Al.

RALPH: Uh, can we come in now, please, Peter?

Peter? Can we come in?

PETER: Password?

No!

So, you see, I had no choice.

I had to change the password,

otherwise who knows what might have happened?

Oh, yeah? And what might have happened?

All sorts of people, unauthorized people,

might have got into the Purple Hand Gang fort.

- Really? - Yes, really.

- Dark forces are at work, Henry. - (laughs)

As chief secretary of the Purple Hand Gang,

it is my job to make sure that security is not breached.

Hmm.

Look, Henry, I know I'm not always as good as I can be,

but I try to give of my best and...

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Just don't make it difficult for everyone else, OK.

Then I'll have to reconsider my decision to make you chief secretary.

- Deal? - Deal.

- Shake on it? - I still have standards.

- Peter? - Ooh, not now, Mum.

I'm on important Purple Hand Gang business.

Well, that's nice.

(birds chirp)

(inhales)

Aah, the sweet smell of spring.

MARGARET: The sweet smell of treachery more like.

Oh, no, you don't! That's mine!

I know. That's why I want it.

Go away, Margaret.

- Not until you give me what I want. - Never.

It's more than my life's worth. You know that.

And I care because?

Oh, let me help you, Mum.

- Allow me. - Oh, thank you.

Thank you, sweetie bun. Oh, hello, Margaret.

(cackles)

Oh!

Peter?

Peter, what's the matter?

Shh, Mum. Nothing. I'll be right back.

But it's teatime, Peter.

Important Purple Hand Gang business, Mum.

Oh. Right.

Interesting.

Not so interesting.

Hmm, little bit interesting.

Oh. Very interesting.

MAN: Princess, it's suppertime.

(knock on door)

Princess, are you there?

- Princess? - Princess what?

Uh, Princess Petal Petunia Perfection Personified.

- It's suppertime! - Perfect!

Is it suppertime yet? I'm starving.

- Something the matter, Princess Petal? - No.

Actually, yes. I need the mustard.

Yes, Princess.

Yes?

Give me my pink box back.

- Why should I? - Because if Henry finds out...

You mean when Henry finds out.

(gulps) Because when Henry finds out...

You won't be chief secretary of the Purple Hand Gang anymore.

PETER: Correct.

- Get me the piccalilli chutney, too. - Yes, Princess.

- You were saying? - Can I have my pink box back?

It's not about what you have, it's about what you need.

Alright, then, I need my pink box back.

You can have your pink box back.

Phew. Thank you, Margaret.

But get Henry to change the Purple Hand Gang rules first.

What? Change the rules?

That's what I said. Have you read the rules recently?

Well, no, but...

"Rule number one, no wormy worms allowed."

Specially not you, Peter.

That's wormist.

"Rule number two, no girls allowed,

specially not bogey brains who live next door."

That's girlist.

Don't you mean that's sexist?

No, I mean it's girlist, and bogey brainist.

Oh. Right. Well, I'll see what I can do.

- You do that. - Phew.

I thought you were going to steal all the secret Purple Hand Gang information

that's in the pink box,

and then I'd really be in big trouble.

Really, Peter? Now why would I do a thing like that?

Um, I don't know.

Maybe because you really, really want to be a member of the Purple Hand Gang.

Just sort out the rules, Peter, and we'll take it from there.

TV: Take that, you rogue.

Henry? Henry?

(TV turns off)

Hey! I was watching that.

I need to talk to you about the rules of the Purple Hand Gang.

What? What's wrong with the rules?

We need to rewrite them. They're not fair.

(scoffs) Not fair? What do you mean not fair?

I'll tell you about not fair, Peter!

Not fair is when you have to get up early and go to school,

even though every fiber of your body says that's wrong.

And don't talk to me about the weekends,

because not fair is when I have to do all the chores

before I get to relax and enjoy myself, while you get to go to yoga and ballet,

and all the things you get to go to.

But you don't want to go to ballet or yoga. Do you?

No, of course I don't want to!

I want to watch TV and read my comics and play Gross Class Zero.

And not fair is when Mum and Dad nag, nag to eat your vegetables

and do your homework and tidy your room and put on your coat

and don't play your music so loud

and grow up and act your age and tell the truth

except when Great Aunt Greta asks

if you liked the pink sparkly jumper she sent you and...

(sighs) Listen, Peter, you've got to learn that fair is not as fair does.

Fair is not really fair at all.

In fact, fair does not exist in real life.

And life is really not fair. Ever.

Now... can I carry on watching my TV program in peace?

Oh... Uh, yes, Henry.

I mean, Lord High Majesty.

Aren't you forgetting something, worm?

Oh, thank you, Henry.

- You want to shake on it? - The remote control?

- Oh! Uh, of course. - (TV turns on)

TV: So think on that, you liver-lilied jellyfish.

MARGARET: Oi!

Yes, well, you see, it should have arrived by now.

I want a word with you.

I can wait, worm.

Is she stalking you, Peter?

Sort of. Oh...

What have you done, Peter?

It's not what I've done, Ted. It's what I haven't done.

Come and tell us all about it.

I'm still waiting, worm.

He'll be right with you, Margaret.

He's just... finishing off the document.

Well, he'd better hurry up. I haven't got all day.

All done.

Really?

Yes, it was quite easy in the end.

Really?

"Rule number one, no wormy worms, except for Peter."

"Rule number two: no girls allowed,

except for bogey brains who live next door."

How do I know this is real?

The seal of the Purple Hand Gang.

It's official.

- Put it in here, then. - Thank you, Margaret.

No, thank you, Peter.

Aren't mobile phones wonderful?

(cackles)

It's Saturday! Fang!

- It's Saturday! - (grunts)

- Go, Fang! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(Mum hums)

(keypad clicks)

Oh!

Oh. (chuckles)

(door opens)

(yawns)

(urinates and farts)

(toilet flushes)

(hums)

Phew.

(pants)

- Mission accomplished? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(laughs) Good work, Fang!

MARGARET: Psst! Psst! Henry!

MARGARET: Oi!

Oi, bogey brain.

I know you're there, because I've just seen the rat peeking out.

Eh?

MARGARET: So am I talking to myself, then, or what?

(mimics Susan) Yeah, Margaret, you're talking to yourself.

(normal voice) Oh, no, I'm not, lemon face! I'm talking to you.

(mimics Susan) Oh, yeah, you're talking to me.

(normal voice) I'm talking to you about a bogey brain and his ridiculous rat!

He is not a rat!

MARGARET: Ha! Yeah, he is.

No, he is not! He's a hamster!

(Margaret cackles)

A hamster? A hamster? As if!

He's more of a hamster than you'll ever be.

(mimics Susan) Did he just say you were a hamster, Margaret?

(normal voice) I think he did, Susan.

Which just goes to show what a bogey brain he is!

I said...

We heard you, you moldy old measle!

(screams)

MUM: Henry?

Oh, you're awake.

(yawns) Yes, Mum.

MARGARET: I'll get you, Henry!

Someone else is awake, too.

(grunts)

Really! That girl needs to learn not to be so horrid.

Oh, poor Fang.

He's fallen asleep on his seesaw.

Let's get him back in his cage.

Poor Fang. He's not like other hamsters, is he?

No, I suppose he isn't.

Well, none of this is getting your Saturday chores done, is it?

(sighs) Uh, no, I guess not.

So what are you going to start with?

Oh, well, I...

Good idea, Henry. Start by sorting the laundry.

What?

What's the matter, Fang?

(groans)

(laughs) But they're right.

- Huh? - You're not like other hamsters.

- (grunts) - You're awake during the day.

You sleep in a bed like I do.

You're a champion comic collector, and you fire a mean slime ball.

Yeah! (laughs)

And you're the best at helping me sort laundry.

- Huh? - Aren't you?

Then what are we waiting for? Let's go sort some laundry.

FANG: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(knocking at door)

MUM: Henry? How are you getting on?

Fine, Mum. Just sorting the laundry.

Oh... good job, Fang!

MUM: Henry, can you hurry up?

Peter needs to brush his teeth before we go to dance class.

- Oh, what a worm. - MUM: Don't be horrid, Henry!

(banging on door)

- Henry! - Coming, Mum!

MUM: Teeth, honey bunny.

Coming, Mum!

Ahem, Henry...

What is it, worm?

- These socks are dirty. - So?

PETER: So they need to go in the laundry basket.

- HENRY: So? - PETER: So, that's your job Henry.

- (roars) - Eek!

MUM: Don't be horrid, Henry!

Henry's eating my socks!

(coughs and splutters)

Right, Henry, that's it.

I want all these socks sorted into pairs by the time we get back.

- But.. - No buts, Henry, or else.

Or else what, Mum?

Oh... Uh, no TV for a week.

A month.

A year. And that's that.

This time I mean it, Henry.

Come on, bunny bear. Let's get you to your dance class.

I'll just put on my twinkly toes. (laughs)

But, Mum...

N-O spells no, Henry.

I didn't even ask her, and she still said no!

What?

This is what I am now. A simple sock sorter.

With no TV for a whole year.

I've really messed up this time, haven't I, Fang?

(sighs) This one isn't going to be easy to get out of, is it?

Unless you can help me?

Oh, come on, Fang! You're a super sock sorter.

(sighs) Looks like I'm gonna have to do this myself.

Maybe this isn't so hard after all.

Huh!

This is really hard.

Don't suppose you want to help me?

No. Thought not.

Why do we need socks anyway?

I bet the Fearless Phantom never wears socks,

and if he did, I bet he has his own sock sorter.

- Hey, maybe I could be his sock sorter! - (snorts)

Maybe not. (sighs)

MUM: We're back.

Hey, look! Fang, look! I did it.

(yawns)

Well, nearly.

Bingo!

Mum, look, I've sorted all the socks. I am a super sock sorter.

Not bad, Henry.

Oh, you missed one, Henry.

Where's the other one, worm?

Oh, Henry, don't be horrid. I'm going to get tea ready.

Can I watch Gross Class Zero?

Not until all the socks are sorted, Henry.

(growls)

Where is it, smelly nappy baby?

What have you done with it?

Eek! Mum!

It's so not fair, Fang.

I did all that sorting, all by myself.

And then the worm comes, and takes it all away from me.

Oh, it's just not fair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

(hums)

That's mine, Henry.

I said...

(squeals)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

No! (grunts)

(exhales)

That was the best Gross Class Zero ever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mum was right, Fang.

You are so not a hamster!

You're a super sock sorter!

And a super sock saver.

And you're my best friend ever in the whole wide world.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!