Original subtitles

[theme song playing]

♪ It's not easy being me ♪

♪ "Wash your face And brush your hair" ♪

♪ Nag, nag, nag It's just not fair ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ So down with school I'm gonna rule ♪

♪ And when I'm king I'll do my thing ♪

♪ And then my life Would be so sweet ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah Nah, nah, ney ♪

♪ The Purple Hand Gang Rules, okay ♪

♪ It's so easy being me ♪

♪ I'm Horrid Henry ♪

[birds chirping]

I'm going now!

I said, I'm going now!

Have a good day, princess.

Huh, as if you care.

Do you want me to run you to school, poppet?

Not today, Dad. Can't you see I'm busy?

Oh, uh, right. Only I--

I said,

[screaming] no!

[screaming] No!

Whatever you say, poppet.

And don't call me "poppet".

Oh, sorry, poppet.

Ugh... Parents.

Who'd have them? They're only good for one thing

and that's giving you stuff.

Like, the Excellent Excelcious 25000 Free Five-way mobile phone.

Look at it. Is that not a thing of beauty?

It's got extra dongles and three different types of Peppermint Posies.

And it's got a state-of-the-art recording studio built-in,

which of course I'm going to need,

if I'm going to be a star.

Ha. No equipment on this planet

could make you a star, beetle bones.

Hey, how are you doing today?

Do you mind? I'm talking.

This is my show, bogey brain.

I'm the one who does the talking around here.

That's what you think.

Yeah, it is what I think.

All right then, have it your own way. What do I care, anyway?

I'm going to be a star just as soon as I get my new mobile phone.

Yeah, yeah, you already told us with a built-in... [mocks]

State-of-the-art recording studio.

Hang on a minute.

Did you say, a built-in state-of-the-art recording studio?

Yeah, I did.

Cool.

Well, dream on, slug's nut, 'cause you're not getting one.

I am. And when I do,

-it's farewell frown-face... -[cooing]

hello happiness.

Yeah, well, like I said, it will never happen.

It just so happens, it will.

'Cause my dad has arranged for the producer of Make Me a Star

to come to dinner this very night at my house.

Not your house, my house.

So, like I said, farewell, rot-face.

I'm impressed.

-[ringing] -Hello.

Dad, it's me.

[chittering on phone]

Margaret, your daughter, remember?

[chittering]

Listen, I need you to invite the producer of Make me a Star

to our house for dinner tonight.

[chittering]

[angrily] Yes, of course it's important.

Ah, there you are.

How do I look?

Ooh yes, I do look gorgeous, don't I?

Pink really is my colour.

What's that? What am I singing tonight?

Shh, it's a secret.

[laughs]

Nearly showtime.

Just time to do my breathing exercises.

[inhales]

Mm, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Ah, ready, poppet?

Ugh... Can't you see I'm breathing?

Oh, uh, sorry, poppet, I'll come back in five.

Make sure you do. And don't call me "poppet"!

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes, breathing.

[inhales]

Mm, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Ah, there you are.

Well, you didn't expect me

to let this chance pass me by, did you?

If that beetle brain is going to be a star,

then I am, too.

Well, wish me luck.

[Mum reading] "And so, Rony Mo and Little Bo

sat down to a yuppity tea of moly munchies."

[meows]

[Mum] Henry, is that you?

Um... Just going to get my homework book.

Homework book?

[speaking gibberish]

[knock at the door]

Enter.

-Ready, poppet? -Ready?

Of course, I'm ready.

Showtime.

Showtime.

Surprise.

[violin music playing]

♪ Shh, it's a secret No need to shout ♪

♪ Secrets are what It's all about ♪

♪ Secret club What do we do? ♪

♪ Shh, it's a secret Not telling you ♪

♪ Nunga, nunga, nunga, nin Without the password You can't come in ♪

♪ Only for girls We don't like boys ♪

♪ Unless you've got some really good toys ♪

♪ Secret club is the best Secret club rules the nest ♪

♪ S-E-C-R-E-T club, yeah ♪

That's enough, Moody Margaret.

The Purple Hand Gang fights back.

Hooray.

What are you doing here, traitor?

She threatened to tell my mum

that I was reading a Gross Class Hero comic

instead of doing my maths homework yesterday.

What a mouldy old Measle.

One, two, three, four.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Purple Hand Gang's Beyond compare ♪

♪ Whenever you need us We'll be there ♪

♪ Top-level missions Are what we do ♪

♪ Don't call us We'll call you ♪

♪ I'm the leader And if you forget ♪

♪ You'll walk the plank No safety net ♪

♪ We're mean and murky Crazy and cool ♪

♪ Chocolate biscuits Are our fuel ♪

♪ Purple Hand Gang Is the best ♪

♪ Purple Hand Gang Beats the rest ♪

♪ P-U-R-P-L-E Hand Gang ♪

♪ Enemy ahoy! Hang on to your coats ♪

♪ Pull up the drawbridge And fill the moat ♪

♪ We run to attack I'll beat your sword♪

♪ There's never time For us to get bored ♪

♪ Purple is the colour Pirates is the game ♪

♪ You know the Purple Hand Gang Is the name ♪

♪ Wherever we go Wherever we run ♪

♪ The Skull and Crossbones That's our home ♪

♪ Play with dollies, Biscuit eating ♪

♪ Reading comics Enemy beating ♪

♪ We don't boast We don't brag ♪

♪ All you need Is your own handbag ♪

♪ When the going Gets really rough ♪

♪ The Purple Hang Gang Gets really tough ♪

♪ Alien invasion Pirate raid ♪

♪ Give us a call We'll come to your aid ♪

[grunting]

♪ Secret Club is the best ♪

♪ Secret Club Rules the nest ♪

♪ Purple Hand Gang Is the best ♪

♪ Purple Hand Gang Beats the rest ♪

♪ Secret Club is the best ♪

♪ Secret Club rules the nest ♪

♪ Purple Hand Gang Is the best ♪

♪ Purple Hand Gang Beats the rest ♪

♪ Our club is the best ♪

[all applaud]

Yay, Windy! Well done!

Well done, woohoo.

[Henry groans]

Where's he gone?

This is all your fault, slug breath.

You stole my moment.

Wait, I've got good news, poppet.

What?

Well, the famous producer he say, yes.

He say yes, what?

He say, yes, you are a superstar in the making.

Yes!

What's my first stage role going to be, then?

-Um... -How about the Wicked Witch?

-[chuckles] -You watch--

Oh, yes. The Wicked Witch in Somewhere Over the Tornado.

[gasps] I love that show.

What do you think of that, poppet?

Don't call me "poppet"!

Phew. What a night.

So, Margaret's dad paid the producer to say all that.

Who said money doesn't talk?

[laughs wickedly]

...the answer when divided by 50 and multiplied by 365 is...

[snoring]

-Henry! -Whoa.

Sorry, Miss Battle-Axe, uh, late night last night.

Ah, Miss Battle-Axe.

I am looking for volunteers.

Oh, no problem, Miss Oddbod.

-Henry. -Uh, yes, Miss Battle-Axe?

We'll have one volunteer at your service.

What? No! I mean...

Um... what am I volunteering for?

Being a bogey brain, beetle bug that's what.

-Miss Oddbod. -Uh, thank you, Boudica.

I need a volunteer to help me make a video.

[all clamouring]

It's too late. Henry has already volunteered.

Yes! Ha, I'm going to make a video.

Na, na, na, na, na.

Of course, it's not something I think Henry can be trusted to do on his own.

What?

So, he'll be working with another volunteer.

Huh?

Thank you, Margaret, for volunteering.

[screaming] No!

So, you see, that's the challenge.

Um, what's the challenge, Miss Oddbod?

To sell the school, Henry.

We're going to sell the school?

Well, uh, yes, in a manner of speaking.

We're gonna sell the school!

Can you believe that? [chuckles]

So, what video are you making?

Gross Class Hero's gruesomest gross beats ever?

Boodle Poodles bounce backwards?

Scooter Skater's sky roll school?

No. My video is going to be even bigger and better than all those put together.

Ha. What do you mean your video?

The video I'm going to make.

The video you are going to make with what?

-You what? -You heard me.

With what are you going to make the video

what you are going to make?

-Um... -She's right, Henry.

You haven't got a video camera.

But you've got one.

Well, Mum lent it to my Aunty Shields,

who gave it to my second cousin, Alex, twice removed.

-And then-- -Great.

No video camera.

Oh, well then, I guess that's going to be the video what I'm going to make.

Isn't it?

How are we going to play this, then?

Well, I'll be the very important Director.

Ralph, you can be the second and third and fourth A.D.

Cool.

Hmm, I'll be best boy.

-And me. -And me.

And me.

Susan can be the costume designer.

Gurinder, you're on make-up, Linda, hair.

Soraya, you can be the singing coach.

Ooh, will there be singing in it?

No.

Brian, you're in-charge of accounts.

Graham, catering, Al, stunts.

Bert?

-I don't know. -Correct.

-William? -[weeps]

Forget it, you're fired.

[wailing]

And everyone else can be extras.

[all] Hooray.

But don't think you're going to get a credit.

[all booing]

I am the very important Director and what I say, goes.

[all] Ugh.

Hey, coming through, excuse me.

I heard you're making a video.

I have come to offer my services.

Uh... what can you do?

Well, uh, I'm a reasonably good football player.

I hit darts every now and then. I play the tuba.

No, none of that's working for me, buddy.

I can be pretty mean. [growls]

[all groaning]

All right, then, security.

Oh, uh, right.

[clears throat]

It's time to make my very important Director's speech.

Oh, well, yes, of course.

Listen to me, you lot.

Tomorrow we are making our movie.

[all cheering]

Correction, I'm making a movie.

You lot are just helping me.

[all] Oh? Yay!

And if I say pink is purple and purple is pink,

then you don't blink.

If I say, down is up and up is down,

you don't even frown!

Oh, [laughs] I'm a poet and I don't even know it.

[laughs]

And if I tell you to laugh, you laugh!

[bored laugh]

Right, I think that covers everything.

Um, Margaret, I haven't got a job.

You? You.

You're the first A.D.

Yes! First A.D! [laughs]

That's assistant Director,

[hesitantly] isn't it?

Well, that's good, isn't it?

Oh, yes.

It's good, Henry.

It means, you belong to me, forever!

[laughs maliciously]

Now then, let's get this show rolling and gathering no moss.

We're gonna break down the doors

and blow open the windows on this old school,

and we are going to sell, sell, sell!

Oh, dear. I hope we haven't done something we're going to regret later, Boudica.

Quite likely, Cynthia.

Hmm...

Perhaps, you'd better keep an eye on this, Boudica.

With pleasure, Miss Cynthia, with pleasure.

[skids]

And where do you think you're going?

To school, we're making a movie.

Correction, I'm making a movie.

-You are-- -Just helping, yes, I know.

Aren't you going to ask me what I'm doing now?

What are you doing now, bogey brain?

I beg your pardon?

Sorry. What are you doing now, oh, very important Director?

-I am thinking... -Thinking about what?

Thinking about what to call my movie.

Oh, ha. Good luck with that then.

Uh, it's the first A.D.'s job to come up with a title.

Is it? Oh, in that case,

How about, Buy this School, Now?

Hmm. Doesn't have much of a ring about it.

How about something a bit more exotic?

Oh, I know. Bogeus Maximus.

It's the school motto.

Even I know that's not true, Henry.

Try again.

[sighs] All right, then.

How about the real school motto?

Which is?

Ad solum esperanto.

-I think. -Hmm?

I like that. I'll have that.

Ad solum Despereto.

-But... -[rumbling]

[brakes squeal]

[honks]

What's that?

That is my driver.

All very important Directors have drivers, didn't you know?

[sighs] Oh, Ad solum Despereto.

[beeping]

Welcome to Ashton Primary School.

A school which has produced at least one famous pupil.

And many brilliant teachers.

What's she doing here?

Oh, I'm just keeping an eye on you, Henry.

Like any good Executive Producer, [chuckles]

from a distance.

Turn over.

[snores and groans]

Ahem. And now, let me show you around our modest, little school.

It comes complete with your very own demon dinner lady.

And her very own vat of delicious stew.

Boys' and girls' toilets. I mean, lavatories.

[weeping]

Exceptionally well-behaved pupils,

who are most definitely not out of control.

[all clamouring]

Oops.

And our highly secure

[whispers] confiscation cupboard.

Thank you, Peter.

The professional can take it from here.

So, if you want to buy this school, you better hurry.

And who wouldn't want to buy something as lovely as this?

It's yours for a quid if you can get me onto Too Cool for School.

Oh, nearly forgot.

Ad solum Despereto.

[all in bored voice] Ad solum Despereto.

It's a wrap.

Now, where's my very important hat?

Well, when I asked you to sell the school,

I didn't think you would actually try to sell the school.

I was thinking more that you would

sell the school to pupils who might want to come here.

[both] Oh.

Tell me, who was responsible for making this video?

-She was. -He was.

Well, you're fired.

[both screaming] No!

Thank you and goodnight.

[theme music playing]