Original subtitles

-Yo! Spencer Wright here. -And Billy Joe Cobra.

He's an invisible ghost.

How is it that only my homebods and I can see him?

We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.

Yeehaw!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost!

(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)

Give it, bro-masome! You've been playing for over an hour!

Yep.

(BILLY GROANS)

-Soon as it's game over, she's all yours. -(CHIMES)

-(CHUCKLES) -(WHISTLES)

-Game over. -Hey! No fair!

(BOTH GROAN)

Boys, boys, boys, boys, play nice.

I'm outtie. Gotta hit the camera focusing seminar.

Camera focusing? Woof.

Talk about dull-icatessen.

Huh. For you, maybe. But for me, it's awesome-uh-catessen.

Listen, M. Night Bro-a-malan,

you can't leave me here all alone with the Jeevster.

Uh. What? What are you talking about? You guys hang out all the time.

Yeah, but with you.

You're like the luncheon meat, and we're like the slices of bread.

Without you, there's no sandwich. Comprende?

Dude, you're being a Lame-asaurus Rex. You'll be fine! Have fun.

(SOBS)

Yo, Spendy. Uh.

You want me to fly solo with the Cobra? Uh-huh, I'm not feeling it.

Ugh, you too?

Why? What did he say about me?

Uh, nothing.

Look, it's only for a couple hours. I'm sure you guys can survive without me.

Okay, later on, guys. I gotta roll.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

-I...You first. -You... After you.

Um, so, what do you wanna do?

Well, it's probably not your cup of Joe, but my favorite show's on right now.

Celebrity Window Treatments?

Yeah!

You're ape for drapes, too?

I'm hurtin' for curtains!

Yeah!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Huh! Look at this! Guess you guys figured out a way

to get along without me.

Totally, Spen-knife. Bro-Jeev is a straight-up dudenheimer.

Uh-huh. Boing! That bounced off me and is comin' right back at you!

I'm feeling the love!

Now what say, we hit the WiFri?

All that camera focusing has made me caveman hungry.

Love to, homes, but we already made plans to hit the Karl Bogenshmutz boutique

to do some jeans shopping.

Jeans shopping?

Turns out the Jeevster and I are fellow jeans fiends. (CHUCKLES)

You in?

Uh, I... I guess?

Cool Will Hunting!

Let me just get my jeans-shopping shoes on.

Dudes, what the heifer? You were in there for hours!

Uh, aloha? You can't just rush the most important life decision ever.

And who buys one pair of jeans?

How many pairs do you need?

-(BOTH CHUCKLE) -Well...

you got your classic low-cut, five-pocket button fly.

But that's really your basic day-wear.

Got an afternoon yacht party?

Go with the custom-washed, relaxed-fit, six-pocket cargo.

If you're talkin' premiere or record release party,

you can't go wrong with hand-painted, ruby-studded, machine-torn skinnies.

Uh, I'm jeansed-out.

Now, can we please go to the WiFri for some grub?

Uh-oh. Love to, uh but I heard about an outdoor dipping-sauce festival.

Dipping-sauce festival? I am more than on board!

(SIGHS)

(MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING)

Full-bodied with a smoky blend of oak and... is that cedar?

You've got a good palate, BJC.

Dudes, get a grip, it's ketchup! Come on, we can still make that movie!

Oh, Jeevster! Let's hit the Hummus Pavilion!

Fu Manchu. I gotta separate those egg yolks.

-(EXCLAIMS) -(BARFS)

(SCOFFS)

Hey, Rajeev, Lolo's here!

Why don't you go drop some dipping-sauce knowledge on her?

Yeah! Thanks for the tip, taco chip. How's my grill?

You're good.

-(CHUCKLES) -(SIPS)

Uh. Well, looks like you lost your dipping-buddy.

So, why don't we go in...

You know, I was thinking. Why do I wanna hang out with Lolo?

She's not into all the cool stuff we are. Who's up for bonsai tree pruning?

Whoa! It's like you're reading my mind! To the bonsais!

(SIGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

You know what, dude-monkeys?

I think I'm gonna hit the advanced camera focusing seminar.

You think my ginkgo needs repotting?

'Cause, you know, I feel like I'm third wheeling it here.

I mean, you guys got your little trees. What do you need me for?

Hmm, could be. Those roots are looking a little cramped.

Anyway, the plane leaves in an hour, so...

Bye. I'm out.

Okay, catch you later!

-Yeah, peace out, Bropal. -Hmm.

(SOBS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIPS)

Nothing like a good juice cleanse to clean out the old semicolon!

Ab-fab-solutely!

It's always good to lighten the load before painting your own pottery.

What? Painting pottery?

You trying to give me a case of the boring-jitis?

Wha... What do you got?

You ready?

Breading cats!

What?

Yeah! You put a piece of bread on a cat's head,

then post a picture of it on the internet. Check the roast.

-Weak-a-pedia. -(SHOUTS)

I knew it was a big mistake hanging out with you!

Yeah, I knew first!

I'm gonna go find Spencer!

My bromigo will definitely wanna paint pottery.

I'm gonna find him first,

'cause I know he's totally gonna wanna bread up some cats!

(CRIES) We'll miss you so much!

You don't mind if I turn your room into a wig showroom, do you?

Are you sure you want to do this? What about your friends?

Believe me, they'll be fine.

Don't worry about that wig room nonsense.

I'm gonna smoke my hams in there!

(BOTH GROAN)

Dude! Let's go bread some cats!

Hey, Pablo Picass-bro, we got pots to paint!

(WIND HOWLING)

(PHONES CHIME)

"Dudes, I'm off to Alaska for a year. S'laters, Spencer."

No! I can't hang out with you for a whole year!

Me neither! That's like six months!

(ENGINE REVS)

During our fellowship, you will be 100 percent focused on focusing.

No phone calls, texts, chat, or emails.

If you want to talk to your friends, it'll have to wait a year.

Thank you for flying Three Friends Air.

Today's in-flight movie will be Stop, Drop and Roll.

Through thick and thin, these three buddies

always manage to stay buddies.

Ms. Bigelow, I changed my mind. I don't wanna go to Alaska.

I'm afraid it's too late.

Don't worry, the two years will go by like that.

Huh? I thought it was one!

Huh.

Spendulum! You can't go to Brolaska! Without you, there's no sandwich!

-Tell him, Jeevster! -(SHOUTS)

Don't worry! I got a plan!

-What's your plan? -I don't have a plan.

(SHOUTS)

I'll never bread cats again.

-(CHIMES) -Brojeev! You just cracked it wide open!

(TIRES SCREECH)

-Yeah! -Yeah!

(BOARD RATTLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-Isn't this more fun than jeans shopping? -Well, let's not go crazy.

Keep it going, guys.

Br... Brolaf, where you goin'?

Don't leave me with him!

Huh, chill. I'm just going to go lighten the load.

-Well, hurry back! -You need me to go with?

Handspring! Double twist! Back layout! One, two, three, four!

Dad?

Spencer! You're just in time to see the move

that's gonna win us the district championships.

Brevard High is gonna eat our dust!

Right, girls?

-Yay! -Yay!

Cheer-itating. The Cobra's in!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Dad, you're not a cheerleading coach. You're an accountant.

Not anymore, sonny boy.

We were bought out by the financier M.T. Calorie.

He and I had a good meeting, and we decided to go our separate ways.

Wait, isn't M.T. Calorie Lolo's dad?

Now that you mention it, he did say something

about how his daughter was making him fire me

so we'd have to move back to cow-country,

and she'd never have to see your stupid face again.

I thought the last part was kinda mean.

What? Spencer's dad got another job?

How am I supposed to get rid of Spencer now?

So, how are you gonna pull this off?

You don't know anything about cheerleading.

Hmm.

(CHEERS)

Uh.

Maybe he does.

You didn't know your father is a cheerleading legend?

Why didn't you ever tell me?

Some things are just too painful to talk about.

I had it all,

the looks, the moves, the spirit.

Until that one show I decided to try it.

The most dangerous stunt, Gravity's Rainbow.

(ALARM BLARING)

I vowed never to cheer again.

But a man's gotta take care of his family.

It's either this, or go back to cow-country.

-Huh? -Of course, you'll join the squad, too.

What? No way!

You're my son! Cheering is in your genes!

Go with the flow, bro. With me on your squad, you'll crush it!

(SIGHS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Great practice, ladies. Can I get a "whoo"?

-Whoo! -Whoo!

How's my squad looking, Hugh?

We've got a lot of work to do if we're gonna beat Brevard.

They're the district champs, nine years running.

I'm quite aware of their recent success.

The principal there, one Walter Minator, is fond of rubbing my nose in that fact.

But this year, I'll have my revenge.

Well, we'll do our best.

If you don't beat the Terminator, you can kiss this job goodbye!

Huh.

Girls! We've gotta win this thing, no matter what it takes!

There's one more stunt I wanna show you.

It's called Gravity's Rainbow.

-(SIREN WAILING) -HUGH: Oh, yeah.

-(GROANS) -Dad!

Spencer, you have to lead the team to victory.

Only you can save our family. My cheerleading manual.

-Um. -No pressure, though...

But, Dad, I... I don't know anything about cheerleading!

You're a Wright. You were born to cheer.

Tell Mom I'm gonna be a little late for dinner.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, guys, losing Coach Hugh was a major blow.

Isn't that Spencer coaching them? (CHUCKLES)

Our work is done here.

They've already lost. Come on, Adrian. Let's go shopping.

Like, why should we, like, listen to you?

Yeah. Like, what do you know about cheerleading?

Not much, but I've got one very important secret weapon.

My dad's cheer book.

Excuse me?

ALL: Huh? Alright, that's the spirit!

Let's try the routine called Take it to the Limit.

We start with some brewing, then some Herkie jumps,

then we go into our tumbling pass.

-(MUSIC PLAYING) -(CHEERS)

Not bad. But you bases really need to be there for the flyers.

I'm seeing a little too much wobble. I guess cheerleading is in my genes.

-Okay, time out, brovolone slice. -(WHISTLES)

-Okay. Girls, take five. Go hydrate. -Whoo!

Hey, no offense, dude, but your choreog is like, way old school.

But no worries, Cheermaster Cobra has the routine that kicks bootine.

Check it.

Of course, we'll need to figure out some moves

for the girls to do in the background, but, you know...

-Billy... -You're right. We don't need the girls.

Billy, this isn't about you. The routine is for the squad.

What? Without a sizzlicious front man,

no one's gonna give a squat about your squad.

I don't think an invisible front man is gonna win us any competitions.

Look, I appreciate your help, but I got this covered.

Huh! I guess all your years of performing in front of millions of people

-makes you an expert! -Just calm down, Billy.

I don't have time for one of your celebrity hissy fits.

I'm perfectly calm, Spencer.

(SHOUTS) Perfectly calm!

(EXPLODES)

(IMITATES CHICKEN CLUCKING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Well, Walter, how about a little wager on the outcome?

If the Beverlies win, you give me your mascot!

(GROWLS)

The five-toed sloth? Okay, you're on!

And if we win, you give me your wig!

I don't wear a wig.

(BLOWS)

Fine. You're on.

(SQUISHES)

(WHEELS SQUEAL)

(EXCLAIMS)

Sitting on the job, Coach Wright?

Actually, I had a little cheerleading mishap.

But don't worry, the team's in good hands.

Hey!

(EXCLAIMS)

Billy!

Oh man, am I glad you're here! Listen, sorry if I was a little harsh before.

I don't think we should be talking, J-Bro. We are rivals, after all!

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for our first contestants,

the Brevard Sloths!

That's my cue!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

-(FIREWORKS EXPLODE) -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Ten out of ten! A perfect score!

Uh-huh. Pack your bags, Spencer.

That's how it's done, Buster.

Okay, team. Gather round.

Son, you've brought this squad a long way,

but there's only one way we're gonna win this thing.

We've got to do...

Gravity's Rainbow.

I'll get it right this time.

No, Dad.

-Let me do it. It's in my genes. -Oh.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(GULPS)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(SHOUTS)

(BLOWING)

(CROCODILES ROARING)

(ROARS CONTINUOUSLY)

(SPENCER SHOUTS)

(ALL GASPING)

(GROANS)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(LAUGHS) Huh?

-JUDGE: Ooh! -

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

(CROWD CHANTING) Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

ANNOUNCER: One hundred out of ten! Unprecedented!

-Thanks, dude! -Anytime, buddy.

Though I still think the Billy-ettes should've won.

Huh.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Yay, Spencer! You, like, rule!

I learned it all from the man in the chair.

Wright, I want you back at work 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. I like your pep.

Sorry, M.T., but I've realized that cheerleading is my destiny.

That's why I'm starting up a cheerleading accountancy department.

And you're heading it!

-(CHUCKLES) -What? I hate you, Daddy!

Pumpkin, don't be that way!

We're okay.

(SOBS)

In your face, Minator! I'll take my winnings, please!

(WHISTLES) Buckles!

(SLOTH GROANS)

(CHUCKLES)

Hey! Hey! Give me back my precious!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE VOICE: Yes!