Original subtitles

Yo! Spencer Wright, here.

-And, Billy Joe Cobra. -He's an invisible ghost.

How is it that only my homebods and I can see him?

We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.

Yee-haw!

SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost!

Hey! Check out the CD fiesta I found.

-Yeah! -(CHUCKLES)

Comin' back at ya! Check the swerve! Ha!

Huh?

-Huh? -Yeah!

-Where did it go? -Right here, tool shed.

-"Billy's next mega-hit" -Whoa! Cue it up, bro-man!

(BEEPS)

Yo! You mess with my brain You gonna feel the pain

I'll serve you up like A chicken chow mein

I send ya to... to the Ukraine On an economy-class plane!

Hey, I remember this!

It's called "Get Outta My Face" It's pure genius!

All I gotta do is lay down some backing tracks, and viola!

We'll be needin' a new shelf in my awards room.

-Dude, we have to work on your confidence. -Call up my record company,

tell 'em you found an unreleased Cobra single

that's gonna burn up the download-osphere!

Hey, I might know a hot young director who could make a video for it!

-Could really help get his name out there. -Yeah maybe. Tell him to send me his reel.

-I mean me, Brunch Menu! -Oh! Totes!

FEMALE VOICE: Good morning. Chin Music.

Mr. Chinowitz, a young man on the line says he has an undiscovered

-Billy Joe Cobra single. -(GASPS) Are you for real? Talk to me.

Uh, my name is Spencer Wright. Not only do I have a song,

but there's also an awesome video to go with it.

Is the song any good? Who cares? I want it!

Billy was the top horse in my stable.

-When can you get it to me? -Uh, well, I need to do a little remixing.

Five o'clock? Five o'clock would be good.

I'm gonna get my whole team working on this.

We're going huge with it. Big kiss. Talk soon.

-(GROANS) -The Cobra's back!

I wonder how long it'll take to get to number one! (LAUGHS)

-Maybe you should finish the song first. -Oh, right.

What time is my band getting here?

Dude, I always work with a band. That's part of the Cobra's process.

You could have told me that before I called up your record company

and promised them a song and video by five o'clock! Which...

Which is four hours from now!

Brolax. This is the music business. Nobody cares about deadlines.

Here now is me, Greg Slick, with this entertainment update,

Dateline Hollywood, where an area teen has discovered an unreleased

Billy Joe Cobra single. The song and a new video will drop today

at five o'clock. That is unless the teen, one Spencer Wright,

is nothing more than a delusional, attention-seeking liar.

-We'll know in a few hours. -(SCREAMS)

All right! Into that studio, now!

Fine, but I'm still not gonna have it by five.

I gotta lay down all the tracks myself and I'm only one ghost, you know.

Not necessarily.

(CHUCKLES)

Are you steppin' in what I think you're steppin' in?

-With both feet. (CHUCKLES) -(CHUCKLES)

Party time!

-No, not that! -Oh, that.

(GAGGING)

Yes!

Say hello, to my new bass player.

(BASS GUITAR PLAYING)

What's shakin', Bro-Diddly?

(BLOWS)

(POPS)

On the drums, give it up for bro-clone number two.

(DRUM BEAT MUSIC)

How you livin', bro-peeps?

Band of Billys. Huh! I like it.

Well, we're gonna go hit the studio. And now that we got the song covered,

don't let me down with that video, Spencil.

-Yeah, Spendant. -What he said, Spenalty Kick.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey, guys, don't let me interrupt. Just lookin' for a firewire cable.

(CHEWING, SPITS)

Wow. You guys finished already?

Yeah, with the spicy chicken wings. But the pizza hasn't arrived yet.

-(CONTINUES CHEWING) -I was talking about the song.

Oh, right! Yeah, we really gotta get on that.

You know what the problem is? We need a second drummer.

Totally! Great minds think alike, bro.

I hear that, bro!

Welcome to the party, bro-clone!

-(DRUM BEAT) -Hey! All right.

Now, do you guys think you can get to work? Don't forget, we got a deadline.

Absolutely!

-Just as soon as we have a horn section. -Good call, my bro-in-the-know.

So, looks like you got everything you need. Guess you guys are ready to...

(SCREAMS)

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(GRUNTS)

All set, bromander! Ready for Billy Bowling!

-Hey! What gives-- (SCREAMS)

Woo-hoo!

(SCREAMS)

(THUDS)

(LAUGHING)

-You guys are supposed to be recording! -Brohemian,

you can't force creativity. You gotta wait till inspiration hits ya.

Let me see if I can help.

Hey, this is nice! Feels good!

-Wait! -Not the fifty-seven gold top!

Then get your invisible butt in that studio!

All of you! We've only got two hours!

And if we don't deliver that song, the whole world is gonna think

I'm a "delusional, attention-seeking liar."

Yeah, yeah, keep movin'.

Three, four...

-(MUSIC PLAYING) -(CHUCKLES) Ahan!

(LAUGHING)

-What? Why'd you stop? -Uh... no reason.

Oh, come on! Let me hear it! It sounded good.

-You sure you wanna hear it? -Of course. Totally!

(LAUGHING)

Okay, okay, okay. One, two, one, two, three, four.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

He kills all your fun And he makes you work

Spencer Wright! Spencer Wright!

He smells like butt And acts like a jerk

Spencer Wright! Spencer Wright!

-(DOORBELL RINGING) -(LAUGHING)

-Do you like it, bro? -Shh!

Here now is me, Greg Slick, at the home of Spencer Wright...

Spencer Wright!

...who claims to have discovered an unreleased Billy Joe Cobra single.

Spencer, it's less than an hour till the deadline,

and there is still no sign of this single.

Are you prepared to admit that this is all just a hoax?

-No! -There you have it, folks.

-I guess Spencer Wright is... -Spencer Wright!

...too deep into this lie to dig his way out. What's that?

I'm just getting word that there's talk of prosecuting Spencer Wright for fraud!

-But it's not fraud! -(CHUCKLES)

Well, when you're in prison, you'll have plenty of time to think

about why you played this sick, twisted joke on innocent music lovers.

-(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING) -Goodbye, Greg!

-(SIGHS) -(PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Rajeev.

Dude, you look really sweaty on TV.

-Rajeev, I'm in big trouble here. -Huh?

Tell the Jeevster all about it. I think we can help.

This is great!

How did I not know you guys were trained musicians?

-We're trained to be modest too. -Okay, we're rolling.

This is "Get Outta My Face" take one!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

-Cut! Cut! -What about my solo?

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

(GRUNTS)

Maybe these aren't the right instruments. What else can you guys play?

-(MUSIC PLAYING) -(SCREAMS)

(MUSIC STOPS PLAYING)

That's worse.

(PLAYS FLUTE)

I can't work this way! I'm a professional.

You're right. Check it out.

(BEEPS)

You think you're all that But you're just a spoiled brat

I've seen prettier faces On a naked mole rat

That just lost a fight with an alley cat

You think you're phat But your rhymes fall flat

Yo, Billy Joe Cobra is where it's at!

Oh, this is from the feud! Why didn't you say so?

-What feud? -How do you not know about this?

Were you living on another planet?

It all started a while back, at the Self Regard Awards.

Billy turned up in a brand new, one-of-a-kind outfit.

-(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING) -SHANILA: Or so he thought.

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(BILLY GROANS)

-(GRUNTS) -(HEN CLUCKING)

(GRUNTS)

SHANILA: It was war. Ms. Blah-Blah dissed Billy with her single

"You're So Lame."

Billy countered with "I Know You Are But What Am I?"

And so on and so on.

A feud, huh? BRB.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hey, guys, glad to see you're having fun. Just stopped by to let you know

that the record company has decided to kill the new single, okay?

(BLOWS TRUMPET)

-What? -Yeah, they signed Ms. Blah-Blah.

No.

Ms. Blah-Blah? We can't let that bag-face pown us like that!

No! No! No! No!

What's the planet, Janet?

Think, think, think, think!

Light-bulb moment! We'll record our own tune-age!

Our own tune-age, our own tune-age

Billys away!

(CHUCKLES) Gotcha!

Ready, Billys? One, two, three, four!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

GREG: And "Get Outta My Face,"

the new song and video from Billy Joe Cobra

and director Spencer Wright, has soared to number one

on the pop charts in record time!

(CHUCKLES) Huh, Cobra's back on top! And I couldn't have done it

-without you, bro. -Yeah, no sweatpants.

Now, maybe there's something you could do for me.

-Name it. Whatever! -Can you please get rid of these clones?

SPENCER: But, Mr. Ponzi, I didn't have anything to do with it!

Oh really, Mr. Wright? You were the only one at that table.

Are you telling me the mustard just flew out of the bottle all on its own?

(GRUNTING)

(CHUCKLES)

-Uh, not exactly. -Write, Wright!

"I will not mustardize my principal," 100,000 times.

A 100,000? I'm not sure I can finish that before we're supposed to leave

for the FAME awards.

Oh, don't worry about that, because you won't be joining

your classmates at the FAME awards. You're gonna stay here

until I return to release you. Is that clear?

But you can't do that!

I can do whatever I want! Because I'm the principal

and you're nothing.

And if you're thinking of trying to sneak out, think again.

I'll have eyes on you the whole time!

Half a megapixel of pure gotcha!

Smile!

I suppose this is partially my fault?

Partially? Do you realize what we're missing?

The FAME awards, Billy.

The night that Hollywood gives itself a hug!

Who do you think you're talkin' to, brojak? I'll have you know that

I was the original model for the statuette.

They're giving a Lifetime Achievement Award

to the greatest special effects legend in the business!

Stan Winnihausen!

You don't really need me here, do you? I mean, you've got all that writing to do.

I'd just be a distraction.

Uh-uh. Forget it, Cobra. You're not going without me.

(GRUNTS)

'Cause we're both goin'!

But... Ponzi's camera. How you gonna be in two places at once?

I'm gonna need you to pick a few things up for me. First, get me a spool

of five-gauge electrical wire.

Roger. Go someplace, get some things.

Hey, what's wrong with your pen?

-(SIGHS) You're a ghost, genius. -Oh, right, I knew that.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, soup kitchen is across the street, pal.

How dare you!

I am the Principal of Beverly Beverly High!

You can't be seen on the red carpet looking like you lost a fight

with a hot dog cart. Back door!

Security!

(PANTING)

I've never been so insulted! This is all Wright's fault!

Speaking of which... (CHUCKLES)

It warms the heart.

Hmm, not bad, Brotoshop.

-Ready to give Hollywood a hug? -Oh, yeah!

Please! Please! No pictures! Well, if you insist, just a few. (CHUCKLES)

You do know they can't see you, right?

We gotta figure out a way in, and quick. I don't wanna miss Stan's award.

-I got an idea! -I got a better idea.

All you gotta do is ghost your way inside, grab my ticket from Ponzi,

and then meet me out back.

Oh, man! What a spread! Just like old times!

Caviar!

(GULPS, BURPS)

I just remembered! I hate caviar! (VOMITS)

(SCREAMS)

(SLURPS) Ah!

-(CONTINUES SCREAMING) -Hey, Desiree! Looking fine, girl!

-(PHONE BEEPING) -Come on! Come on!

Whoa!

Hey! (GRUNTS)

Dullsville, people! Let's get our crunk on!

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

(PHONE RINGING)

Cobra here. Brojangles! Where are you!

The party is kickin' it! You gotta get in here!

Oh, right, your ticket. Of course, I didn't forget!

Ladies and gentleman, please welcome your M.C. for the evening,

hip-hop artist, movie star A Buck Three-Eighty!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(CHUCKLES)

(GROANS)

(CHUCKLES)

Sorry, bro. I couldn't score the ticket. I looked everywhere.

Everywhere, huh?

Well, not everywhere. But if he's got a ticket there,

-I don't think you'd want it! -Truth.

-Hey! I've got another idea. -(PHONE BEEPING)

Yeah! I found an ad online from some dude who said he's got an extra ticket.

Cool. Good luck. I gotta get back for best supporting actress.

Hmm...

I mean, I'll stay here and keep you company.

So you see, the mustard must have aggravated my condiment allergy.

But I'm fine now. May I please return to my seat?

-(CROWD GRUMBLING) -(PHONE BEEPS)

Oh, a buyer for Wright's ticket. Yes!

-(HORNS HONKING) -(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hey!

Was that... No, it couldn't be.

Hey! Mustard man! You trying to scalp tickets?

(SCREAMS)

Dude, we've gotta find a way in. I'm gonna miss Stan the Man.

(CAR APPROACHING)

(CHEERING)

Hey! It's Ms. Blah-Blah! Man, she practically missed the whole show.

It's called being fashionably late.

I used to do it all the time. In fact, I think I invented it.

I remember... Spencer? Nice.

Hmm... if I didn't know any better I'd say that lump is shaped exactly

like Spencer Wright, if he were trying to hide underneath a long train.

(LAUGHS)

-Oh! -Gotcha!

-Huh? -(CROWD CHEERING)

Dude, this is your chance, go!

(SPENCER PANTING)

(GROANING) Huh?

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

And now to present the FAME Lifetime Achievement Award...

Turn around, Wright.

(GIGGLING)

-(SCREAMS) -(GROWLS)

(PANTING)

Here to present the Lifetime Achievement Famey

is famous Hollywood haberdasher Murray Chodak.

Huh? Huh... Mm. (SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

You're on! Go, go, go!

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -Murray Chodak!

-Hi. -Huh, Spencer!

Yeah!

Uh, let's see. I can't believe I'm getting to do this. (CHUCKLES)

You know, most people have probably never heard of Stan Winnihausen.

But if you really love movies the way I do,

you know they would be nothing without guys like Stan.

Who can forget such classics as Blood Foot Summer, No Guts, No Gory--

-Psst! -Huh?

Well, I guess I'm out of time. Thanks for the nightmares, Stan!

And it is my pleasure to present the FAMEY for Lifetime Achievement

-to my idol, Stan Winnihausen! -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Whoa! That's quite a special effect!

We may be looking at the next Stan Winnihausen!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Huh?

I knew it.

We gotta beat Ponzi back to school.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(PANTING)

(SCREAMS) Huh?

Oh, Principal Ponzi, how was the show? I think I fell asleep.

How did you... weren't you...

(GROANS) Oh, never mind! Go home, Wright!

At least I don't have to see you for another ten hours.

(CHUCKLES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE VOICE: Yes!