Original subtitles

Yo! Spencer Wright here.

-And Billy Joe Cobra. -He's an invisible ghost.

How is it that only my homebods and I can see him?

We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.

-Yee-haw! -(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost!

Whee!

-(HORN HONKING) -Whee!

(YELLS)

SPENCER: Playground of the Doomed.

Take one, and action!

(DEVICE WHIRRING, BEEPING)

-Whoa, whoa! -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

BILLY: (CHEERING) Yee-haw!

-(CLATTERS, CRACKLES) -Uh-oh.

SPENCER: Jeevster, reel her in!

-I can't! -Huh, gimme!

(RAJEEV YELLS)

(BEEPING, SPLUTTERING)

(POWERS DOWN)

(SIGHS, LAUGHS) Guess I still need to work the kinks out of this one. Oh, boy.

Brilliant! I saw it all from my office across the street!

Who's your publicist? You don't have one? Well, you do now.

-(RAJEEV YELLS) -Sandy Fleckenlips, PR goddess.

-What's your name? -Spencer Wright.

Well, I wanna be in the Spencer Wright business.

We'll work the whole "kid filmmaker" angle.

People will eat it up. I'll make you famous.

-Dude, it's your big break! -(KEYPAD BEEPING)

Sandy's a Hollywood legend! (CHUCKLES)

Thanks, Sandy

-but I'm not sure I need a publicist. -Huh?

Fame isn't really my thing. I just like to make my movies.

-(GASPS) -Do you want your movies to be seen

by billions around the globe?

Destiny is knocking, dude. Let her in!

-Okay, why not? -Best decision you ever made.

Pretty soon I'll have the whole town talking about you.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(BILLY SLURPING)

-Why didn't you tell me, you jerk? -Tell you what?

That you're dating Serena Poppins, the hottest teen star on the LOL Network!

"Serena Poppins was recently spotted canoodling with her new boy toy,

"white-hot horror-helmer, Spencer Wright."

Sandy Fleckenlips, bro-peller! Don't you get it? It's a PR stunt.

And it's gonna get you yacht-loads of attention!

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

-What the what? -JESSICA: Oh, my gosh!

You're totally famous! Which means I'm kinda famous, too!

I've gotta go post this on Myfacesterspace!

(ENGINE REVVING)

SANDY: Okay, superstar, now that you're heating up,

it's time for your first public appearance.

(BILLY LAUGHS)

-(BILLY CHEERING) -(CLATTERING)

-A pet store? -Hello, pet lovers.

Please give a warm welcome to Hollywood's newest A-list director,

not to mention Serena Poppins' new boy toy,

Spencer Wright!

-(GASPS) It's him! -He's shorter in person.

-Will you sign my fish? -(GIRLS GIGGLING)

Too bad they can't see me. Then they'd really be stoked!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

SANDY: Bubala, you're a natural.

The Spencer Wright fame train is pulling out of the station!

Choo-choo!

(CHEERING)

PHOTOGRAPHER 1: Okay, Spencer, over here.

No, no, over here! That's it! Work it! Work it!

FANGIRL 1: Can you, like, sign this, Spencer?

FANGIRL 2: Yeah, like, mine, too. -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(GROWLING)

You seem a little grumpy. What's up, bro?

I'll tell you what's up, bro. It's all, "Spencer this, Spencer that,"

and no one gives a rat's butt about the Cobra!

I'm sorry, dude, but why would anybody be interested in yesterday's news...

(CHUCKLES) ...when they got the next big thing?

-What? -Spence-o, you're blowing up huge!

This mag did a whole spread of candid pics. Check it out!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, I was with you all those times. Where am I?

Where do ya think, homes? Invisible! You know, 'cause you're a ghost?

(MIMICS SARCASTICALLY)

-I'm out of here! Goodbye! -Aw, he's just a jealous Josephine.

Can't blame him, really. (SLURPS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(VOCALIZES) I got Hugh, babe

Special delivery for Serena Poppins' white-hot boy toy.

That's for me.

Well, look at you, Mr. Popular.

An invitation to the red-carpet premiere of Bloodstock Four?

Sorry, you're too young.

-Mm, chocolate butterscotch s'mores! -Ah! Trade ya!

(CHUCKLES) Wow! A diving watch,

personally engraved MP3 player, bath and body lotion.

Bath and body lotion? Uh, I can't take it anymore!

Billy, come on! It's yours, buddy.

-Where you going? -Nowhere fast, I guess.

-Ew, buttless jeans? -Oh, what size?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't care what they found in his bloodstream,

my client has never eaten a corn dog in his life,

and if you print any... (GASPS, SCREAMS)

Haunted guitar!

Just me, Billy Joe Cobra.

So I'm a ghost now but I haven't lost any of that Cobra magic!

Billy Joe Cobra? Wow! Huge fan!

You look great for a ghost. Transparency is very in right now.

Listen, chica, I'm ready to make a comeback.

And I want you as my publicist.

Of course you do! Let's make music together.

-RAJEEV: Why does she get the MP3 player? -'Cause you took all the body lotion.

Oh, yeah. (CHUCKLES)

-(RAJEEV SCREAMS) -BILLY: Yeah.

Big things are gonna be happening for the Cobra.

Get ready to bite some dust, suckers.

I'd love to hang, but I gotta get to a meeting.

So, laters.

Who you calling?

Now that I've got all this publicity, it's time to use some of my star power.

(CLEARS THROAT) Serena! It's me, your white-hot boy toy.

I'm making a new movie, and I want you to star in it.

Oh, sweetie, I'd love to be in it, but I never mix work and pleasure.

It's too hard on the relationship and you're too important to me, Lester.

And you do know we don't really have a relationship, right?

Excuse me? Haven't you been checking the gossip sites?

We were just in Vegas together, and you bought me two dozen red roses.

Listen, I have to go, Les. Love you.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

Ah, who needs her?

I'm the white-hot horror-helmer, Spencer Wright!

So, I'm thinkin', first, I'll record a comeback album.

I'm totally cool with going on all the TV talk shows to promote it.

BTW, let's talk movie cameos.

-You want to be in movies? -Totes.

It's kinda hard to command the screen when people can't see you.

How about a tour?

Love it! We'll find my old back-up band and tear up some stadiums!

Listen, Billy Joe Cobra is great and all,

but what the world really wants to see is a ghost!

(GUITAR STOPS ABRUPTLY)

-Say what? -Yeah, like a scary movie but real!

We put you out on a stage and all people see is a floating guitar

that's really playing!

So they won't even know it's me?

Hon, a ghost is a ghost. There's no room for egos on this.

If there is no room for egos, there's no room for BJC. I'm out!

SANDY: I don't think so.

You're gonna make me rich.

A ghost containment thingie! Where did you get that?

-Where else? GhoulBay! -(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

Okay, Jeevy-baby, ready to do one?

-(CLAMORING) -REPORTER 1: Spencer, over here.

Hey! Who are you wearing? You look fabulous.

-(CLAMORING CONTINUES) -Guys, please! We're working.

If everybody could just take a few steps back

and be really quiet.

Please.

Thank you.

-Okay, rolling and... -TOUR GUIDE: To your left,

it's white-hot horror-helmer, Spencer Wright,

shootin' one of his movies!

This is nuts. I can't believe I've been such a toolbag.

(GRUNTS)

Come on, Rajeev, we're gonna go and see Sandy.

Why?

To fire her. I'm all through being famous.

If I can't even make my movies, what's the point?

But, dude, the body lotions!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Sandy, wait up. We gotta talk.

(MUFFLED STRUGGLING)

-Hey, let him out of there! -Who?

(SCREAMS) A ghost!

Huh, huh?

Ha!

(SNICKERS)

(STOMPING)

(SCOFFS) Your little special effects don't scare me!

(DEVICE BEEPING)

(GASPS)

-Oh, don't... -(CRASHING)

(WHOOSHING)

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(GASPS)

-(GASPS) -By the way, you're fired!

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna tell the whole world about Billy Joe Cobra!

Uh, Good! Maybe another publicist will want to represent him!

Never mind.

(BILLY GRUNTS)

(SANDY SCREAMS)

Thanks, zambroni!

No problem, pal. I'm just glad this whole PR thing is over.

-It wasn't good for either of us. -Truthness.

So what was all this about me finding another publicist?

-(SPENCER GRUNTS) -Ah!

That's cool. I was just asking.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

The new list of World's Most Famous-Famous People is out!

(GASPS EXCITEDLY) Where do you think I'll be? Top five? Top three?

You're right, probably just number one. (LAUGHS)

Coming in at number three,

Extreme pastry chef, Clive Randall Biggenbottom!

"Extreme Pastry Chef"? Is that the name of his band?

At number two, Carl Suckerbug,

the social networking genius behind Facetablet.

(GASPS) This is whack! A chef and a computer geek?

Ah, I guess maybe they're keepin' the number one spot open for BJC.

And the number one spot goes to Danny Peckham!

A soccer player?

-(GROWLS) -Dude, sports stars are the new pop stars.

They get all kinds of endorsement deals and stuff.

In some countries, Danny Peckham is actually more famous

for his canned hams than he is for his soccer.

Okay, I can work with this.

To get back on top, I just need to take up soccer.

(CROWD CHEERING)

KLEET: Heads up, losers!

(ALL GRUNTING)

L.A. Suntanners could use a guy with my skills! Uh.

Yeah, and so could the Cobra.

Heh.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

-(SPENCER GASPS) -Uh, A little help?

-Who let you in here? -KLEET: Ha, Gotcha!

It's me, General Bro's chicken! The Cobra!

What? How do you know about Billy?

Wait! Billy?

Huh?

-Why do you look like Kleet? -I don't look like him. (GRUNTS)

-I'm inside him. See? -Dude, get out of there!

Ha, no way, Bronaldo.

The Cobra's gonna ride Kleet all the way to the top of the list!

(MUMBLES)

So now I gotta hang out with Kleet all the time?

Nah! Just for a little while. I'm too good looking to go around forever

with this ugly mug. I just wanna feel that fame rush again.

I don't know, Billy. I mean, Kleet's an okay player,

but he's no Danny Peckham.

No sweatpants, duder. When in doubt, ghostify.

(BELCHES)

(GRUNTS)

Oops.

I'm still gettin' the hang of this soccer business.

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(HORN BLOWS)

(BELCHES) And that's just my opening number.

(LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

(CHEERING)

-Woo-hoo. -All right!

(LAUGHS, GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

-(CROWD CHEERING) -(BLOWS HORN)

Ha, ha, yeah! Huh. All right!

And now, we are witnessing the birth of the next great soccer celebrity!

I can definitely see a line of canned hams in his future!

(LAUGHS)

Hoover? What are you doing here?

You think all I do is try to suck ghosts into a jar? I have a life, you know!

Kleet! Kleet!

Kleet! Kleet! Kleet!

How would you like to play soccer for the Los Angeles Suntanners?

We're prepared to offer you a five-year contract

for 50 jillion bucks, plus a chain of chicken restaurants...

Hang on! I'd like to speak to Bill... Kleet for a moment.

-Who are you? -His agent.

Huh?

Dude, you can't sign that contract.

Uh, well, you think I should make 'em throw in a cosmetics line?

No, man! I thought this was just for a little while.

If you sign, I'm not gonna get to see you for the next five years.

Uh. Sure you will.

-All our games are on TV. -(SPENCER GROANS)

-What's it gonna be, fellas? -Where do I sign?

(SIGHS)

There is a new number one

on the World's Most Famous-Famous Persons list.

Soccer phenom, Kleet Kleeterson.

Let's go to him live, where he's about to make a major announcement!

Jane! Spencer! Hurry!

Kleet's gonna make some kind of announcement!

-JANE: (PANTING) Oh. -What now?

Hey, Bropeeps! Check it, I've decided that the name Kleet

isn't doin' it for me anymore.

From now on, I want everyone to call me Billy.

Oh.

In honor of the coolest pop star ever, my hero and yours too,

Billy Joe Cobra!

Oh, man! He's losing it!

Listen, that kid is our ticket to the cup!

He can call himself the Queen of Cuckoo Town for all I care!

Go, Suntanners! Go, Billy!

(HORN BLARES)

-Oh, come on, Billy! Come on! Come on! -Come on, Billy! We love you!

-Yeah! Go! Go! I love you, Billy! -(HORN BLARES)

COMMENTATOR: The final seconds of the match. The score's all even.

Kleet... I mean, Billy, with the ball.

What's up with him? With his ghost skills, it should be one hundred to nothing.

Ha, you know Billy, the drama queen.

He probably wants to score the winning goal in the last second.

Awesome!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

COMMENTATOR: Look at him go! This is why they signed him!

This is why they gave him those chicken restaurants!

(TEETH CHATTERING)

KLEET: Huh?

Whoa! Hair emergency!

(CHUCKLES)

Hey!

(BALL WHISTLES THROUGH THE AIR)

-(GRUNTS) -(WHISTLE BLOWING)

-What? Why did he stop? -That ball hog lost the game for us!

COMMENTATOR: This is a travesty! I've never seen anything

more shameful than what Billy did on the field today!

Let's run him out of town for good!

(CROWD BOOING, CLAMORING)

Hugh, get my heavy purse.

I wanna give that Billy a piece of my mind!

(GROWLING)

(EXCLAIMS) Yeah!

(SNARLS)

Dude! It's Billy, remember?

Sure, he may be a self-centered egomaniac, but he's still our friend.

We gotta bail him out. Come on, Rajeev!

(WHIMPERS)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

Uh, Soccer stardom was fun,

but I think it's time for the Cobra to hang up his boots! (BELCHES)

(BILLY GRUNTS)

-(BILLY GRUNTING) -(KLEET GROANS)

Bummer town.

I've been in here too long, and I can't get out!

There he is! Get him!

-(GROANS) -(CROWD CLAMORING)

(BOTH PANT)

I give up! Where can he be?

-We looked all over for him. -My bromies!

Billy! What are you doing in there?

It's my panic box. I had it installed back in the day.

(CHUCKLES) You know how fans can be.

-(GRUNTING) -(RAJEEV STRAINS)

Dude, you're in deep doo-doo. And not just with me!

People are seriously ticked. You gotta get out of Kleet and pronto.

Yeah, uh, small problem there. I'm stuck inside him!

-Though there is plenty of legroom. -RAJEEV: Hey, guys, check this out!

CROWD: (CHANTING) Get him! Get him! Get him! Get him! Get him! Get him!

Come on, Rajeev!

We gotta get to Hoover's pizza van!

Stay here! Don't move!

Dude, what's taking so long?

Well, I'm sorry but this pizza oven is so slow.

Would you forget about the pizza? We're here for the Ghost Containment Unit.

Fine.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(RAJEEV CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

How about those Suntanners? Tough loss, huh?

Ah, we'll get 'em next time. Go, Suntanners!

-Yeah. -(SAM CHUCKLES)

Huh?

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, Spencer! Wanna join the mob? (GASPS)

(GASPS)

(HUGH GASPS)

He's in here!

CROWD: (CHANTING) Get him! Get him! Get him!

(GROANS, PANTS)

(PANTS)

He's heading to the pool! Come on!

(GROANS)

(SCREAMS)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

(BILLY GRUNTS)

Ha! Thanks, double bro-seven!

CROWD: (CHANTING) Down with Billy! Down with Billy!

-(KLEET SCREAMING) -(THUDDING)

Who's Billy? (GROANS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

And finally at number one, it's MeTube sensation,

Beansie, the harp-playing weasel!

Poor Billy, booted off the list by a weasel.

I think after the angry mob, Billy's over the whole list thing.

-What's this, Buck? -New recipe. Give it a try.

(CHOKES) Uh.

(VOMITING)

Uh, what is this? Tastes like barf.

Fine.

(SIGHS) Celebrity chef, that's out. What's next?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE VOICE: Yes!