Original subtitles

Yo! Spencer Wright here.

And Billy Joe Cobra.

He's an invisible ghost.

How is it that only my homebods and I can see him?

We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.

-Yee-haw! -(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost!

Hey! How's the script coming, Edgar Allan Bro? (CHUCKLES)

Hey, you know, don't worry about any interruptions.

'Cause your polterpal here is here to make sure

nobody messes with your flow. (CHUCKLES)

-Thanks, Billy. You the ghost. -No need to thank me.

-I mean, we artists have it hard enough... -(WHISTLING)

...without people distracting us...

-(GROANS) Billy! -Oh!

Sorry. I'm not making a sound now.

Just gonna leave you to do your work...

-(WHISTLING) -BILLY: ...just concentrate.

Really, just focus, you know.

(BILLY GROANS)

(REGAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Here's your lunch, Lolo. I got all your favorites.

You dressed the salad?

I always have my dressing on the side!

BUDDY: (SCREAMS) Sorry. I'm so clumsy. I'll get you another tray.

(GRUNTS)

-(LOLO SCREECHING) -(GROANS)

SPENCER: Hey! Come on! Give it back!

(PANTS)

Oh.

Listen up, peeps! (GIGGLES)

It's the script for Denser's new movie. (LAUGHS)

And listen to this dialogue!

(CHUCKLES) "Zombie one... Guh, guh, guh, guh."

(CHUCKLES) "Zombie two...'" (EVIL LAUGHTER)

(ALL LAUGH)

Give it back, Lolo! I mean it!

And what'll you do if I don't? Use your lame-o special effects on me?

SPENCER: Huh?

Right there with you, bro-diddley.

(LAUGHING)

(ALL GASP)

-ALL: Whoa. -LOLO: Huh? (GASPS)

SPENCER: Hmm.

Oh, big whoop. So, you know some tricks. You're still a feeb.

Why can't we just be friends, Lolo? I tell you what. Lunch is on me.

-(GRUNTS) -(ALL GASP)

(GRUNTS AND SNEEZES) Oh.

(ALL LAUGH)

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Do you not know who I am?

(LOLO CRIES)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

(CHEERING)

(BALLOONS SQUEAK)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

-For Spencer stamp your feet! -(CLAPPING)

-'Cause Spencer can't be beat! -(CLAPPING)

-What the what? -You kicked Lolo to the curb, brozilla.

That means there's a new king in town, and his name is you.

Uh, morning, Spencer. How was the walk?

You've got history first, then math, followed by study hall.

I've rescheduled Spanish before lunch, so, I can get you out early after math,

but I can change it back. Let me know if it works for you.

-Uh, okay. -(BEATBOXES)

(WHIRRS)

The answers to the math homework? Uh, thanks, I guess.

(ISTEVIE BEEPS AND WHISTLES)

Hey, Spencer, buddy! Hit me, I'm open! I'm over here!

Pass it!

-Yeah! -(WHISTLING)

Huh?

-Oh, no. -Yeah!

I'm gonna need a new spleen when Kleet's done with me.

-(SNIFFLES) Sorry, Spence! My fault! -Uh...

For Spencer stamp your feet! 'Cause Spencer can't be beat!

I can't believe what I'm seeing! Spencer's a loser, remember?

Doreen, Maureen, Florine, back me up on this!

It's momentous! It's stupendous! Spencer rules and Lolo's friendless!

Sorry, Lolo. I don't like it either, but you're out.

-Spencer's in. -(CHUCKLES) Yeah!

I'll be back and I'm gonna remember everyone who dissed me.

In fact, I'm taking names!

Sweet!

Come on Spen-pal. Let's see what this baby can do.

(ENGINE REVS)

(LOLO GROANS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

-(REGAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(GIRLS SQUEAL)

Hi, Spencer, I got you your lunch.

-Um. -(SHUDDERS) Oh.

-Thanks? -Huh? Oh...

This is so weird.

Oh, yeah, you don't like your dressing on the side, do you?

Not that! All the royal treatment.

What? Enjoy it, bro. You've got the power now.

You can do anything you want.

I know what you should do!

Make 'em wrap you up in a big velvet diaper

and hand-feed you sweet nectar from a tube!

That's pointless. You should have 'em send you text messages

saying you're the prettiest girl at the school!

I mean, um, have 'em bake you a cake.

I think you're all thinking way too small.

I need all the zombies on their opening marks!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I'm proud of you, Spendrix. Way to use the power.

I got you some water, Spencer. Still or sparkling?

Oh, you don't have to do that.

-Dude, the king always gets water. -Fine. Uh, just give me a regular water.

-Cold or room temperature? -(SIGHS)

Okay, iStevie.

-(BEEPS) -SPENCER: Roll camera! And action!

(GROANING)

Cut! Okay, guys. Great rehearsal. Now, let's really do one.

-What are you doing, brozone? -Another take. Why?

They messed up. Spencer is not a happy king.

Spencer needs to show it. Rip somebody a new one.

That's what Lolo would do and I'm not her.

Hey, say what you want, but when it comes to occupying the throne,

-the girl's got skills, man. -SPENCER: Look, if it's okay with you,

I'm gonna do this my way.

Okay. Take two, everybody. This is the one! I can feel it!

-Okay, roll camera. -(CAMERA WHIRRING)

-Wait! Refill? -SPENCER: (GROANS) Cut!

(ALL GROAN)

SPENCER: Cut!

(ALL GROAN)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

SPENCER: Cut!

-Cut! -(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Cut!

Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!

(GRUNTS)

Dude, we need to have a man-to-ghost talk.

Not now, Billy.

All right, everybody, listen up.

I don't know about the rest of you farts, but I'm trying to make movie here.

So, how about you all get your heads out of your little butts

and we do this thing right!

Um, I think, like, we're all getting a little tired, though.

(IN HIGH PITCH VOICE) Aw, you're tired, huh?

You want a widdle nap? You want to call it a day?

Well, too bad!

If you all weren't completely useless, we'd be done by now!

(ALL GROANING)

And why is my water bottle empty?

Ah! Uh, um.

(GLUGS WATER)

(BUDDY WHIMPERS)

That's my boy!

(ALL GROAN)

(PANTING)

I don't care if he is, like, king of the school.

I can't take much more of this!

-You should, like, say something. -Why don't you say something?

Don't look at me!

SPENCER: Okay, zombies, the most important shot.

The whole movie's garbage if we don't get this right.

So, anybody screws up this shot,

they're gonna be in my doghouse, big time! And action!

(ALL GROAN)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-Cut! -(CELL PHONE RINGING STOPS)

-Give it to me! -(BEATBOXES)

Oh, really? Then whose phone was it? Let's go. Hand it over.

(ISTEVIE BEATBOXES)

Bye-bye, phone! (LAUGHING)

(BEATBOXES)

Hey, Broregard. Why didn't you pick up when I called?

I'm a little busy here, Billy. Wait, you just called me?

Yeah. I dropped my phone in the toilet. I wanted to see if it still worked.

-(GROANS) You ruined a take, drill bit! -(BEATBOXES)

Are you forgetting who I am?

Oh, I know exactly who you are.

Just another doughnut who's ruining my movie!

-Hey! -PAULA: Hey! Look!

Quit it, toolbar! You're stretching the waist band!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Spencer's giving himself a wedgie. What a weirdo! (LAUGHS)

(KIDS LAUGHING)

(BEATBOXES)

Down with Spencer! He hogged all the water!

He gave me blisters on my feet! How am I supposed to kick butt now?

Get him!

-(SPENCER PANTS) -(ALL GROANING)

Sorry, Wright. Your cart-driving days are over.

(SCREAMS)

(ALL GROAN)

(SPENCER SCREAMS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

I gotta hand it to you, dude.

It takes major huevos for you to even think about going to school today.

What am I gonna do, crawl in a hole?

'Sides, I got some apologizing to do. I really lost it there.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah, you really did. What were you thinking?

Me? But... But you were the one... You know what? Forget it.

(CHEERING AND MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEATBOXES)

Well, you heard the new king. From now on, we all have to talk beatbox.

(ALL BEATBOXING)

(LAUGHING)

BILLY: Whoa... Hey... Whoa!

Whoa, whoa.

Yeah!

(GASPS)

(SPENCER GRUNTS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

Whoa-oh! Thanks, dude. I owe you one.

No proboskis. You can repay me in ice cream.

(ICE CREAM VAN JINGLE PLAYS)

(CHUCKLES) Hey, you got it. Let me grab some cash!

Hmm, do I want the Strawberry Mayhem or the Chocolate Ten-Car Pileup?

(GASPS AND GROANS)

(CHUCKLES) I'm sure Madame X will give you all the ice cream you want

when you're living in a jar in her basement!

MALE VOICE: I've got you, Billy!

-(BOY GROANS) -Oh!

Wow! Billy Joe Cobra!

(SCREAMS) Ghost!

Please don't hurt me!

-(ENGINE STARTS) -(VAN REVS)

-Billy? -(BILLY GASPS)

Is he gone yet?

Yeah. Didn't you see him playing demolition derby?

Not Hoover, the ghost. (SCREAMS)

What ghost?

MALE VOICE: (MUMBLES) Here, wear my retainer!

(GASPS)

Hi! I'm Bobby!

I saw on Ghostbook that you were still haunting your old house,

so, I just had to come meet you!

I'm the biggest Cobra fan in the world!

Whoa, you're a fan? Why didn't you say so?

Give me your address and I'll send you a pic.

-Billy! The dude just saved your bacon! -Okay, an autographed pic.

Why don't you let him hang out for a while?

That would be awesome!

And if that ice cream man comes back, I'll show him what I learned

in Krav Maga class.

(BOBBY YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

(BOBBY WHIMPERS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

BOBBY: This is so cool!

Hanging out in Billy Joe Cobra's crib with Billy Joe Cobra!

I'm so amped I could explode. Seriously!

(ECTOPLASM SPLASHES)

Whoa, cool! Billy, you should learn how to do that.

Dude, if we're gonna hang, you gotta learn to chill a little bit.

I don't really know how to chill.

What? (SIGHS) Okay, I'll give you a few pointers.

(SQUEALS) Billy Joe Cobra is going to give me pointers on how to chill!

(ECTOPLASM SPLASHES)

(GRUNTS)

Okay. First off, you can't look like you're majoring in Dork Studies at Nerd U.

Now, that's the sauce!

-(VEHICLE APPROACHING) -SPENCER: Uh-oh,

Hoover's back.

(BEEPING)

Krav Maga!

(BOBBY SCREECHES)

-Oh! Uh... -(GROANS) I'll handle it.

You guys keep out of sight.

(SPY MUSIC PLAYS)

Huh? Ah! (SCREAMS)

Oh, no!

Oh!

(SCREAMS)

(HOOVER GROANS)

One more time. A bro who's really good at things is a...

Bro-fessional!

What do you use when you're quoting your bro?

Bro-tation marks!

What do you call a bro who likes to hug a lot?

-A broa constrictor! -By Brove, I think he's got it!

Ha!

-I'm hungry. Let's go get some munchies. -You mean "brovisions". Ha!

(BILLY GRUNTS)

Whoo!

Something to remember, ghosts and refrigerators do not mix.

Freezers are worse. I got caught in this bad boy one time

and I was frozen solid for a month.

(TEETH CHATTERING)

Hey! How'd you do that?

Oh, sorry! I forgot you're a newbie.

Going through walls is pretty advanced ghost skill.

But don't worry. One day you'll...

BOBBY: Ah!

(BOBBY CHUCKLES)

Ah, beginner's luck. That's cool.

But it takes a lot of practice to get mad ghost skills,

like changing shapes and...

We can change shapes?

Oh! (SQUEALS AND SPUTTERS)

-(HISSES) -(SCREAMS)

Wow! What else can we do?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow it down, young blood.

Next thing you know you're gonna wanna inhabit somebody,

which takes years to mast... (GROANS)

Hey, look! I'm Billy Joe Cobra! Yeah!

I don't think we have to worry about Hoover for a while. (CHUCKLES)

Where's Bobby?

-(BILLY BURPS) -Right here, brotein shake!

Billy was just showing me the bropes...

-(BILLY WHIMPERS) -...of being a ghost.

Who knew we had so many awesome powers?

I thought all we could do was change people into things.

Ghosts don't change people into things. What a dumb bucket.

BOBBY: Huh?

-(IMITATES MONKEY) -(CYMBALS CRASH)

(CHUCKLES) Whoa, ho, ho! That's awesome!

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

SPENCER: Oh, I don't believe this!

You want some more of me, Hoover?

(CYMBALS CRASH)

(HOOTING AGGRESSIVELY)

Sorry, bro. I almost forgot.

(GROANS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(BEEPS AND WHIRRS)

-(ALARM BLARING) -(HOOVER GASPS)

(GRUMBLES)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(CHUCKLES)

(HOOVER SCREAMS)

(THUDS)

Hey! Broman, I really need to talk to you about Bobby.

I can't deal with that jerk salad anymore.

Really? He seems like a pretty nice guy.

You sure this isn't about how he out-ghosted you back there?

(SCOFFS) Don't even, dude!

Look, Take-Your-Loser-to-Work Day was fine for a while,

but it's getting to be a real snooze. Time for him to bounce.

So, I'm a loser, huh? Not good enough to hang with the great Billy Joe Cobra?

We'll see about that.

(GROANS) Ah...

Hey! There you are, Oklabroma!

I whipped up a special treat for ya in the kitchen! Come on!

Aw, the guy loves you. Just... Just let him hang a little longer.

(SCOFFS) Fine. (YELLS)

This is just my way of thanking you for being such a great ghost bro.

I hope I haven't been too much of a pain.

Yeah, well, you kind of have been. But, you know,

the Cobra's all about forgiveness.

-So, where's that treat? -Right there in the freezer.

(BILLY GASPS)

-Well, if you don't want it... -Hey, no backsies!

-(OBJECTS CLATTERING) -(BILLY YELLING)

You're right. Ghosts and freezers don't mix.

(BILLY SCREAMING AND CRYING)

Hey, Billy. What's up?

(GASPS) Bobby! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) You freaked me out a bit there.

Where's Billy?

Billy's somewhere he can't say mean things about people anymore!

Anyway, we don't need him. From now on, I'm your ghost bro!

(GASPS)

HUGH: Huh?

Oh, whew...

(TEETH CHATTERING)

(BOTH SHUDDER)

Just think of me as the new, improved Billy Joe Cobra.

(LAUGHS) Improved? More like...

de-improved!

Well, look who it is! Here to be schooled again?

Today's lesson, the ecto-bomb! (GRUNTS)

-(GRUNTS) -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

Ah, big whoop. Like I can't do that?

BILLY: Whoa.

BOBBY: Hey! Come back!

SPENCER: Really, Hoover?

Hey! Hoover!

(BILLY YELLING AND SCREAMING)

Hey, Sam, you want Billy? You can have him! He's on the roof!

(GRUNTS) Just put this in your mouth!

Uh, no thanks.

Are you aware there's a ghost on the roof?

Ghost on the roof!

(DRIVER SCREAMS)

Huh, how'd he see him without the retainer?

Well, this is just another thing I can do that lame chops here can't.

(SCREAMS)

Spencer! Help!

(BOTH GROAN)

Hate to knock you off the charts, bro,

but now I'm Billy Joe Cobra.

Who else would you be? (GRUNTS)

A tricycle? (SCOFFS)

Madame X cut my truck budget, but now she'll have to kiss my shorts,

because I've got Billy Joe Cobra! (CHUCKLES) Uh, who's that?

No one. It's Billy's cousin, Martin Joe Cobra.

Okay.

(BOTH SIGH)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

HOOVER: Ta-da!

Who's the best Cobra catcher?

MADAME X: Not you! Any idiot can see that's just some random ghost

wearing Billy's clothes!

Uh...

(GROANS)

Thanks, man! Oh, a little stuffy in there.

What do you make in here? Pizza? That is so cool!

Hey, can we hang out?

I want to be just like you!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE VOICE: Yes!