Original subtitles

Yo! Spencer Wright here.

-And Billy Joe Cobra. -He's an invisible ghost.

How is it that only my homebods and I can see him?

We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.

Yee-haw!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost!

TV HOST: Hello, TV viewers, and welcome to today's game!

-Let's get started. -(MUNCHES LOUDLY)

What legendary pop star had over a dozen number one hits

-before the age of fifteen? -(BILLY MUNCHING)

Oh! I know that one! Wait! It's on the tip of my tongue.

It's me! (LAUGHS)

Hey Spen-pal, check it out! Your bestest bro is a trivia question!

One sec, Billy. Just gotta finish editing this movie.

And here's a clue, contestants. One of his early hits was "Best Day Ever".

-(TIMER TICKS) -(BUZZER SOUNDS)

AUDIENCE: Aw!

TV HOST: The correct answer was... Billy Joe Cobra.

(CONTESTANTS SHRUG AUDIBLY)

Oh, come on, you chuckleheads!

"Best Day Ever"! Number one for thirty-six weeks!

You people have no culture!

(SHOUTS)

-(GIRLS SCREAM) -(AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

Billy Joe Cobra! Number one for thirty-six weeks!

(LAUGHS)

Hey, Spence! Mind if I check the weather? I'm going golfing and your mom says

-I need to bring a sweater. -Sure, Dad. Whatever.

What are you doing, gumbro?

Your old man breaks every computer he touches, remember?

Dad, no!

-(MOUSE CLICKING) -(SPARKS)

-Huh? -(CLANGING, POWERS DOWN)

Don't worry. A few minutes in my workshop and this baby'll be good as new!

(CHUCKLES)

-My Yoofie is toast! -Your who-sie is what-sie?

Yoofie, as in "Young Filmmaker Award."

I was working on my entry for the competition

when my dad fried my computer!

So? It's a do-over. No sweatpants.

The deadline is today! I can't remake that movie in a day!

-It took me weeks. -You're slow-mo.

Back in the day, we used to make

a whole music videos during our lunch breaks.

Uh, dude, I've seen your music videos.

They look like they were made during your bathroom breaks.

Yeah, well, they won awards.

That's right, they did. Billy, you're a genius!

I can knock out a video today and enter it

into the music video category.

(CHUCKLES) And I've got the perfect song for ya! "Best Day Ever"!

(LAUGHS) It's gonna score you a Yoofie

and school the kids of today on what good music is!

It's a total win-win!

So, I was thinking that my character should have a cool accent, huh?

What do you think?

You don't have any lines. It's a music video.

(MEOWS)

-Fine, you can have an accent. -Yes!

(WITH ACCENT) Excuse me, I no speak-a so good,

but you are beautiful, cool man.

-Huh? -(SCREAMS)

Ready to try one, Dad?

You betcha, son! I'll do whatever it takes to make this up to you.

SPENCER: Action!

-(GROANS) -(SCREAMS)

-Whoa! No! Cut! Cut! Cut! -Wait. Cut!

What's the problem? Something break? Hugh's your man!

Uh, everything's fine, Dad.

Okay, let's take five, everybody.

Dude, you're totally missing the point of the song.

It's called "Best Day Ever". It's not about zombies!

It's about girls and sunshine, and big yachts and money.

That's what all your songs are about.

Oh, come on! Name one other song of mine that's like that.

I don't know. How about "Big Yachts and Money"?

Okay, you win this round.

To me, "Best Day Ever" is about the day the zombies attack.

All of humanity is on the verge of being wiped out,

but one man...

rises up and destroys the brain-eating undead

and saves the world. That's the best day ever!

Oh, I see.

Nope. Nope, no, I don't.

-Come on, you can't say that! -Make your stupid video! I'm out.

I'll make my own video and win my own Yoofie.

-Ha! -You, making a film?

Oh, that is something I'd like to see.

Well, you're not gonna. 'Cause you're banned from my set!

(EXCLAIMS)

-Okay, all right. Break time's over. -(SCREECHES, CRASHES)

Let's try it again from the zombie's entrance.

(BABBLES, GROWLS)

-SPENCER: Rajeev? -(MUSIC PLAYING)

-Perfect! -SPENCER: Rajeev, what's the deal?

We've only got a few hours to make this video.

I need you on the set!

What can I say? Everybody wants a piece of the Jeevster!

Hey! You were banned, remember?

Come on, Rajeev. Do you really wanna work with a guy

who calls you stuff like "lame sauce and a bag of chips"?

Hey, I never said that!

-Well, not to your face, anyway. -The horror! We're done here.

Fine! Go back to being zombie bait.

Nothing can separate true friends like us, huh, Spence?

Yeah. Too bad.

Guess you're gonna miss your love scene with Lolo-Calorie, then.

Lolo's gonna be in your video?

-(PHONE BEEPING) -We're in negotiations.

He's bluffing!

Check this out, you guys.

I just got an offer to star in a music video by a famous director.

-Is it legit? -LOLO: ‘Course not, puffbrain.

They're shooting it at Spencer's house!

He's probably making something for his MeTube and wants me to think

-he's a famous director. What a tool! -So, you're not gonna do it?

Wrong. I could use some new vids of me looking cool for my fan page.

(BEEPS, VIBRATES)

-And Lolo is in. -(HOOTS)

(PHONE VIBRATES, BEEPS)

-And so are the Soapies. -All right!

Fine! But don't come crawling back. I'm replacing you!

But who could replace the Jeevster?

Excuse me, man. Can somebody sign for this?

-Don't I need a costume or something? -No time. Just get in there!

-I've never acted before. -Don't act, just react, okay?

Whatever happens, just do what comes naturally.

Okay, here we go!

-And... action! -(CAMERA BEEPING)

(GROWLS)

-Could you sign here? -SPENCER: Cut! What was that?

-It came naturally. -(GROANS)

Okay, we're here!

Where's Spence... I mean, the "famous director"?

Uh, he prefers to keep out of sight while directing. He's very eccentric.

-Just give her the deets on the scene. -Uh, okay.

So, in the first scene, we're all just hanging out,

dancin' and chillaxin', just like we always do.

We never do that.

-Well, maybe we should start because... -Rajeev!

Okay, okay. Let's roll it!

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA BEEPING)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

-Cut! What are you doing? -I'm being fly and you're into me.

-In your dreams! -No, in your script!

No one's gonna buy this.

RAJEEV: Huh...

SPENCER: Okay, this next scene is the big climax.

The zombie corners you.

It looks like the end, but you have other ideas, like...

Like telling him how he could save money with second-day delivery?

No! For the last time, you're not a delivery guy.

The uniform says different, chief.

No! You're not a delivery guy!

-(PANTING, GROANING) -Yes, I am.

Psst, don't worry, son.

I've got an idea that's gonna make this take "the one".

Just make it work, okay?

-Rolling! And... action! -(CAMERA BEEPS)

-(LAUGHS MANIACALLY) -(SCREAMS)

(SPENCER GROANS)

(CRACKING)

You're a loser and dancing with babes is your fantasy!

Works for me. As long as we're together, baby.

(SCREAMS)

Nobody move!

(GASPS, EXHALES)

-(GLASS SHATTERS) -(ALL SCREAM)

(GIRLS SCREAM)

Huh, I should have known this would be total amateur hour.

Come on, girls, we're through here. Let's go get our hair done.

Lolo! Wait! I love the wet look!

Well, son, looks like I'll never be able to make things up to you.

But hey, that kind of disappointment is part of being a parent.

Better fix that glass before your mom gets home.

-Think you dropped this, dude. -Huh? (SCREAMS)

-What's going on? -(TIRES SCREECH, ENGINE REVS)

Well... (SIGHS) ...looks like I won't be taking home a Yoofie this year.

Yeah, and I guess those chuckleheads won't get to know about the Cobra.

Anyway, it's more fun when we make movies together, right?

Truthin'.

-Buds. (CHUCKLES) -Buds. (CHUCKLES)

You know, too bad I didn't finish my vid, 'cause some of my shots were epic, man.

Yeah, mine, too.

Hey, maybe it's not too late to win that Yoofie.

(CASH REGISTER DING)

(LAPTOPS BEEPS)

(LAPTOP BEEPS)

(LAPTOP BEEPS)

(LAPTOP BEEPS)

We are done!

(NOTIFICATION SOUND)

Hey! It's an e-mail from the Young Filmmakers Competition.

-What? -Whoa! We won a Yoofie!

-(CHEERS) Ha-ha! -All right! Yeah!

Can't say I'm surprised, though. I knew we'd get Best Music Video!

-Uh, we didn't. -What?

We won for Most Bizarre Comedy Short.

-Great! Ha-ha! -Yeah!

-BILLY: Yoofie! Yoofie! Yoofie! Yoofie! -(SPENCER LAUGHS)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

SPENCER: No. No!

(GROANS) No!

Bro, why you stressin'? It's just a yearbook photo.

Because every year I end up looking like a total toolbar.

That was the year I shot First Zombie on the Sun.

This was the year my mom was reading Extreme Knitting for Dummies for the Soul.

And that was the year my dad tried to launch his own satellite,

so he wouldn't have to pay for cable.

Yeah, I get it. But what's the big deezy? Nobody ever looks at these things.

Oh see, now you gotta think ahead. When I'm a big-time director,

people are gonna be digging up old photos of me all the time.

I don't wanna look like a jackmonkey. (CHUCKLES)

Say no more, brotunda.

Say hello to your new photo stylist.

Lesson number one. You wanna be a star, you gotta dress like one.

Feast your eyes!

I know it's gonna be hard to choose.

Yeah, for real. Do I want to look totally bizarre...

or just a little weird?

Uh...

Billy, I can't wear this stuff.

-I mean, come on! A fur coat? -Not just any fur coat, my friend.

That baby's woven from real werewolf hair! (CHUCKLES)

-(ROARS) -Now, when you say "real" werewolf...

Hmm?

Never mind.

Ooh. Why is it all sticky?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, might be a little ectoplasm.

I still like to wear it when I'm feeling a little...

you know, fashion-y.

(HOWLING)

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah, I can totally see me in this.

"Hey, everyone, just here for the class photo.

"Don't mind the full-length werewolf coat."

(GROANS, GASPS)

-It's stuck. -Come here.

-(GROANS) -Ow! (GROANS)

That felt like it was pulling my skin!

Huh?

(SCREAMS) I'm a werewolf!

How cool is that? (CHUCKLES)

Wait. Class photo. Not cool at all.

Billy, you gotta do something.

Not to worry, dude-slacks. Back in the pop star days

I did a lot of shirtless videos where the director wanted the smooth look.

-Is this gonna hurt? -Compared to what?

(SPENCER SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERS)

-Hmm. -Spencer! Are you okay?

(ALL SCREAM)

Everyone, stay back! I told you we had raccoons!

-Get outta here! Get! Get! -Dad, Dad, Dad, it's me!

-The raccoon ate Spencer! -(GASPS)

-Hi-yah! -(WHIMPERS)

(GROANS)

-Give me back my brother, you big rat! -Jessica, stop!

-It's me, Spencer! -(GASPS)

-(LAUGHS) -(GROANS)

Boy, manhood sure came on fast.

Looks like we need a father-son shaving session.

-Now, the key is to go with the grain. -(BUZZES)

-All right. -(BUZZES)

Yow-za! That's a quick-growing beard.

All us Wrights have a little of the mountain man in us!

Wait here! Let me go get your mom.

Hey Brodog, have you tried a higher setting?

(REVS)

-(LAUGHS) Hmm. -Ha-hey.

That is one tough beard.

This thick head of hair is a gift!

Ooh, we have to embrace it. Sculpt it!

Tada! What do you think? (CHUCKLES)

A fashion do.

Just in time for your school photo tomorrow.

How am I gonna explain this when I'm a famous director?

-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) -(LAUGHTER)

Careful, he might be rabid.

(GRUNTS)

-(KEYS RATTLING) -(SCREAMS)

-(ALARM BUZZING, BEEPS) -(TEETH CHATTER)

(SIGHS)

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Best Shirtless Performance In a Music...

Dude, I had the craziest dream. You had this fur coat,

and when I put it on I turned into a werewolf.

Crazy stuff, my man. (CHUCKLES) Wait. I had the same dream.

-Weird. -Weird.

So, what do you think I should wear for Picture Day?

How about...

Wait. Picture Day? That was in my dream, too.

Yeah! Mine, too.

-Weird! -Weird!

So, like, anyway, I was on the set the other day...

I had a pedicure done. You think that's gonna show up?

BOY: So, my mom was, like, "You'll smile?" And I'm like,

"Mom, no way,"

and she's like, "Way." And I'm like, "No."

Mr. Wright, you look like a filthy animal.

Need I remind you it's Picture Day? Comb your hair!

You're the boss, Ponzu sauce.

-What? -I mean, uh, yes, sir.

Today we'll be starting a unit on astronomy.

Sweet!

And what better place to start than with our nearest neighbor, the moon.

The moon has been explored in great depth...

-SPENCER: Huh? -...thanks to powerful telescopes,

as well as the six...

-(STRAINED) Billy? -...manned missions to the moon.

I have a surprise for you. Genuine moon rocks!

Cool!

(WHIMPERS)

-(FOOTSTEPS RETREATING) -Huh?

Hey, what's the hurry, bro-bro dancer? You're missing the moon rocks!

Dude, that was no dream. I really am a werewolf!

-(GASPS) -Hey, you there!

Hairy kid! Why aren't you in class?

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Oh, you're in big trouble now, furball.

There's gotta be an antidote.

You've wasted a good part of your life watching werewolf movies.

You must've seen something.

Nope. That's the thing about werewolfism. It's irre...(HOWLS) ...versible.

You should totally shave your initials into your face.

How fresh would that be? All right!

Wait a minute.

There is one movie. Scent of a... (HOWLS) ...A Werewolf! Yeah!

The guy in that movie mixes a potion and turns back into a human.

PRINCIPAL PONZI: You think this is over, furball?

Oh, it's far from over! Your pelt is mine! (LAUGHING)

Okay, I need you guys to get me some ingredients.

-(BOTH GASP) -I'll take care the Ponzinator.

(SCREAMS)

What in the world?

Why do I get the sneaking suspicion Spencer Wright

and his so-called "special effects" have something to do with this?

(GROANS) Heel, wiggy!

Wha... (PANTS)

(WHISTLES)

(GROANS, SHOUTS)

All right, Shanila! Four sprigs of nightshade?

Couldn't find nightshade.

But they had this parsley in the cafeteria.

Jeevster, the unspun wool from a black sheep?

-No go, but I got this gym sock. -SHANILA: Ugh!

I think it's made from some kind of wool. Now let me see...

Uh, nope, cotton. Oh, well. Close enough, right?

(SCISSORS SNIPPING)

Come on out, hairy boy. It's time for a shave.

Billy, please, tell me you've got the silver nitrate.

I would've but I was busy getting these moon rocks.

-They'll make a killer studded belt. -(WOLF HOWLING)

Quick! Put ‘em away!

Wait, that's it! Remember Alien Space Werewolves?

I mean, I didn't think of it at the time 'cause it's, you know,

more of a "sci-fi film" than it is a werewolf film.

Though, come to think of it, werewolf films are really

kind of a subgenre of sci-fi. So, you know what?

I should probably recategorize my DVD collection.

Anyway, in Alien Space Werewolves, they cure the astronaut werewolf

by taking him to the moo... (HOWLS) (CLEARS THROAT) to the moon!

The concentration of moon energy overloads the curse and cures him.

-Billy, go get the rest of the rocks. -You mean these?

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

All students report to the gymnasium for Picture Day.

You guys should get outta here.

This could get, uh, hairy. (GROANS) There we are.

One small step for my bro...

one big leap for brokind.

(WHIMPERS)

-Sounds like quite a party in there. -What's going on here?

-Some sort of criminal activity, perhaps? -(CHUCKLES)

Well, if it's a crime to love school, then yes, lock me up, Mr. Ponzi.

(GASPS)

-CRASHING) -Oh!

Excuse me. Acid reflux. (CHUCKLES) Oh!

I gotcha now!

(GROANS)

Ah-ha! Mr. Wright! And what exactly are you doing in that closet?

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Just, um, changing for Picture Day. (CHUCKLES)

Gotta look my best. See ya!

Wiggy?

(PONZI YELLING)

-Dude, I'm good. -Hey, I'm your stylist,

and you're good when I say you're good.

You're good.

Okay, everybody. Big smile!

-(HOWLS) -(STUDENTS SCREAM)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE VOICE: Yes!