Original subtitles

Yo! Spencer Wright here.

-And Billy Joe Cobra. -He's an invisible ghost.

How is it that only my homebods and I can see him?

We've each got some of Billy Joe's gear.

Yee-haw!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

SPENCER: Dude, that's my ghost!

Okay, Billy, you ready to do this?

They don't call me One-Take Cobra for nothing!

Start wide and truck in on the pool. Not too fast, okay?

Whoa, I can see the beach from up here! Dude, it's a killer whale!

Wait, maybe it's just a beach ball. Where's the zoom on this thing? Whoops!

(SHUDDERS)

Sorry about that, Brosephus.

Okay, let's go again. But we gotta get this quick,

-we have to leave for school soon. -(HUGH HUMMING)

-Hey, Dad! Happy birthday! -Thanks, pal!

I can't wait for my big birthday barbecue dinner.

I get to try out this new grill your mom bought me.

(CLATTERING)

Unassembled!

-(CHEERS) -(CHUCKLES) Would you mind waiting

-for just a couple minutes? -HUGH: Mm?

I'm in the middle of a shot here. It's for your birthday movie!

No problem! Anything for the birthday movie!

Always loved the birthday movie!

(SIGHS)

So, how's my cinematogglin'?

Pretty bangin', huh? (LAUGHS) Us great artists just have a knack.

Yeah? Well, bad news, Picasso. Looks like you forgot to take off the lens cap.

Or, you forgot to tell me to take off the lens cap.

But if you ask nicely, One-Take Cobra might just be willing to do take two.

That would be, like, take 12.

You think it's so easy, why don't you just fly up there and get the shot?

Well, that's right, 'cause you can't fly.

But maybe I could. What if you lay a little ectoplasm on me?

I bet I could fly up there and get the shot myself.

-(TRUMPET PLAYS) -(GASPS) Righteous plan.

Please hold for ecto. (GARGLES )

Now apply directly to the flight cortex of the brainial matter.

(SPENCER GRUNTS) Mhm... Ah!

(DRUM ROLL PLAYS)

-(GRUNTS) -(THUD)

SPENCER: I don't think it's working.

JESSICA: Spencer, Mom says it's time to get your butt to school!

Oh, forget it. We'll do it later. Take your ecto back.

-Ew! Don't want it! -Well, I don't want it either.

(BOTH GRUNT)

-(SPENCER GROANS) -(RUMBLING)

-(BANG) -He shoots, he scores! (LAUGHS)

(GROANS) I... I don't feel so good.

Ah... Huh?

(CREEPY MUSIC PLAYING)

-Oh, man! You turned me into a ghost! -BILLY: Oops.

And it's awesome! (CHEERS)

Yeah! (CHEERS)

-Yeah! -BILLY: Hey, hey, hey!

-JESSICA: Spencer! -(BOTH GRUNT)

Are you in there?

(JESSICA GRUNTS)

Mom, he's not here. He must've snuck out.

-Great! She doesn't see me! -(BOTH CHEER)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Oh, man! Rajeev and Shanilla are gonna flip a biscuit

when they check the ghost action. (CHUCKLES)

-Dudes! I am the ghost of Spencer Wright. -Hey, Billy, what's crackin'?

Have you seen Spencer?

Wait. How come they can see you, but not me?

Ghost 101, dude. BRB.

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

-SHANILLA: Mm? -RAJEEV: Mm.

-(SHANILLA GASPS) -Put these on. They're Spencer's.

-RAJEEV: Hmm? -(SPENCER SQUEAKS)

-Mm. -(GROANS)

-Whoa, dude, you're a ghost! -(TEETH CHATTERING)

No! You were so young! You had so much to live for!

Shanilla, I'm fine. I just swallowed some ecto and it turned me all ghost-y.

Hey, homes, since you're invisible and all, how about hookin' a brother up?

(CHUCKLES) Lolo might be talking about me.

I once smelled Rajeev's breath. It was like underpants and toothpaste.

(GIRLS LAUGH)

-So, was it about me? -Yep.

She was, uh, talking about getting close to you.

Oh, yeah! I am the man!

(GRUNTING AND CHEERING)

You're the dorkstronaut is more like it! (LAUGHS)

(GASPS)

(SHUDDERS)

(GRUNTS) My ball!

Take him downtown, LeBro!

KLEET: Get back here!

Where are you going, ball?

-Hey! (GRUNTS) -(ALL LAUGH)

Good morning, class. Ms. Rumsfeld is out sick today and I'll be subbing for her.

Hmm.

I see Mr. Wright is absent. How unfortunate for him.

-Zero for the day! -(SPENCER GASPS)

(LAUGHS) Let's make it the whole week.

(GRUNTS)

Please do as I do and turn to chapter six in A Time for Poe... (GRUNTS)

-What in the world? -Uh, you said to do as you do.

-(BOTH LAUGH) -Well-played, Brojangles.

-What you got for an encore? -Check this out.

(ALL GASP)

(ALL LAUGH)

-(GASPS AND GRUNTS) -(ALL LAUGHING)

-(SCREAMS) -(THUDS)

(ALL GASP)

-PONZI: Class dismissed. -ALL: Yeah!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(BOTH MUNCHING AND SLURPING)

KLEET: Hmm?

(GASPS)

-(HUMS) -(EERIE MUSIC PLAYS)

-(YELPS) -(ZAPS)

(SCREAMS)

Huh?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah!

Huh?

(LAUGHS)

-Dude! How awesome was that day? -Epic, my man. Epic.

Gotta get home to finish the movie, then you can change me back to normal.

(CHUCKLES)

Can't show up for Pop's birthday as the ghost of Spencer Wright, right?

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Yeah, yeah. Truthin'. (CHUCKLES) Sure. Yeah, yeah. Hmm.

-What's with you? -Nothin'.

That whole "change you back" thing, though. You know?

-What did you have in mind exactly? -What? What did you have in mind?

Uh...

Dude! I can't stay a ghost forever.

You were just saying how much you liked it!

-Yeah, for a day! -Hmm.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hugh the man.

We gotta figure this out, Billy. It's almost barbecue time!

(GRUNTS)

SPENCER: Okay. Ectoplasm goes in the mouth,

down the esophagus, and into the stomach.

So, I figure all we need to do is get it out of there, right? And, wham!

-Flesh-and-blood Spencer is back! -Easy-peasy. (GRUNTS)

Whoa!

Okay, plan B.

(SPENCER SCREAMS)

(THUD)

-Are you crazy? -It's possible.

Plan C! Cover me, I'm goin' in!

(GRUNTS)

BILLY: Right. Okay. Houston, we have ecto.

Okay, good, good. Now grab it and get the heck out of my guts! (GRUNTS)

BILLY: Weirdness. Kind of stuck in here. God, no.

I'll just bust my way out!

-(SPENCER GRUNTING) -(THUD)

-Cool! We're like twins. -Not cool, fool. Fix it!

BILLY: Quick! Hold on tight to something.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

Fail.

-(GASPS AND YELLS) -(BOTH GRUNT)

-Two guys, one butt? -Worse fail!

-(CLEARS THROAT) -What's gonna happen when I don't show up

for my dad's birthday dinner? They're gonna call out the National Guard!

(SCREECHING)

It's got it all, hon. Remote control, nuclear-powered heating unit,

and a turbo-charged rotisserie

that can spin fast enough to enrich uranium!

-Let's go get our protein! -(CHUCKLES)

Wait a minute. High-speed rotisserie? That's it! Come on, Billy.

-Let's get our butts out there. -Uh, you mean "butt." Whoa!

-Okay. Brace yourself. -I don't know, Brotisserie.

I never even liked going on the merry-go-round.

-(BEEPS) -(ROTISSERIE WHIRRS)

-(BILLY GRUNTING) -Hang on! Pedal to the metal!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(SPENCER SCREAMS)

(THUD)

(SPENCER GROANING)

(VOMITS)

Spencer Wright, yakkin' for the win.

Yeah... (EXHALES SHARPLY) ...it worked.

(ROTISSERIE WHIRRS)

Uh-oh.

Hey, didn't see that in the manual.

Hey, get the camera!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

I've still got ribs, steaks and burgers. Who needs more?

Oh, Dad, no. (SIGHS)

Tasty BBQ.

-(BOTTLE SQUIRTS) -(BILLY SLURPS)

-Okay, everyone, it's movie time! -HUGH: Oh! (CHUCKLES)

SPENCER: They say a man's home is his castle.

When that man's name is Hugh Wright,

it's more than a castle. It's one big do-it-yourself project.

(GASPS)

(BOTTLE SQUIRTS)

-(CRACKLES) -Huh? (SCREAMS)

(ROTISSERIE WHIRRS)

-(ROTISSERIE CRASHING) -(METAL CLATTERING)

-(ALL GASP) -Oh, no.

(JANE SIGHS)

(TIRES SCREECH)

(BUZZER RINGS)

-(RAJEEV SCREAMING) -(SCREAMS)

I hate delivering to this house, man!

And cut!

-Did you get that? -Totally!

Man, that is so going in the Melon Head movie.

RAJEEV: You know what? I should be getting danger pay.

-Oh, man, it's here. -Could it be?

-Open it. -I'm so excited!

SPENCER: My new video game!

(BOTH GASP)

BOTH: Axe Maniac!

-Two, the Axening. -Yeah!

-Yeah! -(GRUNTS)

All right, nerds! See you at the WiFri!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

A to the X to the E! Axe Maniac! You'll never defeat me.

BOTH: Whoa!

(GUITAR ZAPS)

(SCOFFING) So small they couldn't even put strings on it!

(CHUCKLING) That is so cute! This is gonna be child's play.

Then prepare to cry like a little baby.

(ZAPS)

BILLY: (GRUNTING) Oh!

(BILLY GRUNTING)

-Oh, what was that about child's play? -(BILLY GRUNTING)

Dude, this game's making my fingers all confused!

-The pain. -Oh, come on.

-I'm sure you're not even hurt. -Almost, Spencer!

-Almost. -Oh, the boss!

You'll be my rock-and-roll game-playing slave forever, baby. (LAUGHS)

-Let's go see a horror movie! -SPENCER: Hey! You're blocking

-my view, dude! -Let's check out the babes

-at the WiFri! -SPENCER: Out of my way!

Come on, dude. This game is boring! Let's go do something we can do together.

SPENCER: Maybe you're not a good enough guitarist to play this game.

What? I played for years!

-With lots of... of fans. -SPENCER: Right.

-And... and awards! -SPENCER: Uh-huh.

I am too good for the game.

Well, you're kind of in my way, Mr. Too-Good-For-The-Game, so...

Well, if that's how you feel about it, then I'm gonna go eat my feelings.

-(CLICKING) -(DINGING)

(ZAPPING AND BLEEPING)

(CLEARS THROAT) Spence, you know, to have a long and meaningful bro-lationship,

there are certain lines that should not be crossed.

Yeah, like interrupting my game play, dude?

No! Like making sure your mom only buys smooth peanut butter, not crunchy.

Are you kidding me?

Smooth PB is the gloop of the gods. There's not a thing in this world

that you can't do with... (SCREAMS) ...peanut butter!

(POPS MOUTH) Smooth.

You can spackle the walls.

Impress the ladies!

It's stronger than glue.

Peanut butter! Smooth. Eat hot protons, hairball!

Are you listening to me?

Yeah, you should, uh, you should wear the blue one.

(WHIMPERS) You're not listening to me.

(SOBS)

-Billy! -(SOBS)

-Billy, come on. -No! That's it! It's over!

I'm out of here! And I won't be coming back!

-Oh, come on! -Ever! I'm leaving!

Gone! Goodbye!

(GRUNTS)

-Don't you think you're overreacting? -BILLY: Sayonara! I’ve got my phone on.

(GRUNTS) Don't they know who I am? I'm a superstar!

All righty! Give you a call.

(ZAPPING AND CRACKLING)

I feel so alive. (LAUGHS)

Whoa!

Hello, Lolo.

If you'll just give me your info, I'd like to enter you into our grand prize drawing

for an all-expenses-paid date with me!

Uh, that would be, like, when pigs fly.

Cool, I can wait.

Rajeev! (SOBS) Spencer and I had a spat! He won't listen to me!

-Can you believe that? -RAJEEV: Away from me, you ghoul!

Huh? Did you just call me a ghoul?

No, no! No! No! I... I wasn't talking to you,

-I was talking to... -The invisible man?

Why don't you do me a favor, then, and disappear.

-Thanks, Billy. -He hasn't even bothered to call me.

Let me handle this.

(GASPS) Do you really think you could do something, Rajeev?

Hey, man. I'm "The Raj," remember?

Anything you can't do, I can do, Rajeev style.

(TEETH CHATTERING)

SPENCER: Hey! This is Spencer's cell. You know what to do.

(CHUCKLES) Hey, Spencer! What up, bro?

Yeah, Rajeev here! I'm... I'm here with Billy.

I hear there's a little static going on between the two of you.

You know what? You should step up, bro, and apologize.

Huh? Yeah. All righty. Cool! Always happy to help a bro. (CHUCKLES)

Catch you later my dude, gotta jump. Peace!

-What did he say? -Uh, he said that he is... sorry.

-(CHEERS) Thanks, Rajeev! You rock! -Okay, get off!

Hey, Lolo, I think I just saw a pig fly.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(VIDEO GAME ZAPPING AND BLIPPING)

Hey, Spence! Apology accepted!

Shall we partake in a delicious peanut butter party?

Spence, let's go out and do something!

(ITALIAN ACCENT) Spencer! I'm a the Ghost of Video Games Past!

-Uh, Billy? -No. I said,

I am the Ghost of Video Games Past!

-I recognize your voice, Billy. -No, you don't.

-Your hat has your initials. -No, it doesn't.

-Billy. -Here we go!

-SPENCER: Billy, where are we? -BILLY: This is your past, my boy!

Look at it!

Terry the Octopus!

SPENCER: Oh, man! I remember this! My first video game.

BILLY: That's right. See, you could play the game

but you knew when to put it away.

Okay, sweetie, let's put away the game. You have other presents to open.

No!

-You can play it later, son. -Give it to me!

-Give it to me! -(HUGH EXCLAIMING)

-(CLATTERING) -SPENCER: Give it! Give it...

-You were saying? -Talking to yourself again, Spencer?

(LAUGHS)

You have to stop playing those video games!

(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING)

I am the Ghost of Video Game Present!

Mmm.

This video game's sure got you hooked.

Come on, man, snap out of it!

(AXE MANIAC BOSS GRUNTING)

-(SOBS) -It's gonna be fine, honey.

-No, it's not! -It's not the end of the world.

Yes, it is! (SOBS)

Look how your crazy video game habit is hurting your parents.

HUGH: (SOBBING) I've lost my big guy! I've lost him forever!

JANE: Hold still.

My big guy! Honey, your brave lion is back!

-(IMITATES LION) -(LAUGHS) Hugh! Oh, no!

You were saying?

All right, so maybe you're not hurting your parents,

but you know who you are hurting?

That awesome guy and great friend, Billy Joe Cobra!

-How am I hurting you? -This.

A jar of peanut butter, could have been fit for the gods!

-AXE MANIAC BOSS: Where's my Axe Man? -Huh?

Hey! Hey! Get back here! Spencer!

(GROANS)

Never stop playing! (LAUGHS)

You're coming with me.

(AXE MANIAC BOSS GRUNTING)

SPENCER: Uh...

-Where are we this time? -BILLY: We're in the future.

SPENCER: Really? 'Cause the future looks an awful lot like the past.

BILLY: No, it doesn't. It's the future. Ten years from now, you look like crud,

your family has left you, your toenails are all nasty, and all you have left

is your precious little video game.

-Is that what you want? -What is wrong with you?

-Must get back to my game. -My brother is weird.

-Oh, I give up. -(TOILET FLUSHES)

It's time to take drastic measures!

Not this time, Cobra. Spencer is finally under my control. (LAUGHS)

Axe Maniac.

I couldn't have done it without your ectoplasm tears,

-and he'll be my game player forever! -(SPENCER GRUNTING)

(LAUGHS MENACINGLY)

No! (GRUNTS)

Axe Maniac.

Spencer! Come on, buddy! Snap out of it!

-Let go, or I'll crush you, baby! -You can't crush me, I'm a ghost!

(BILLY GROANING)

(GASPS) Spencer!

You shouldn't have come, Cobra!

-(GRUNTS) -(ZAPS)

(BILLY CONTINUES GRUNTING)

(BILLY LAUGHS)

-(SNARLS) -Later, sucka!

-(BILLY GRUNTING) -(AXE MANIAC BOSS GRUNTING)

Wha... (GASPS) ...Billy? Where are we?

-(LAUGHS) -No! Take me and Spence,

just let my poor little jar of peanut butter go! (SOBS)

-(GRUNTS) -(BILLY SOBBING)

(GRUNTS)

(CRACKLES)

(SCREAMS)

(THUD)

-Gloop of the gods, right, buddy? -You were listening to me after all.

-(AXE MANIAC BOSS GRUNTING) -(BOTH SCREAM)

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) -(AXE MANIAC BOSS SCREAMING)

-Billy! -(GRUNTS AND SCREAMS)

-Quick, Billy! Toss it! -(HORN HONKING)

Whoa, man! A Game Crate Five Thousand! All right!

Maybe this route ain't so bad after all.

-(CRACKLING) -(DELIVERY MAN) What the... Wait.

-No! No! (SCREAMING) -(AXE MANIAC BOSS GRUNTING)

BOTH: Yeah!

-We beat the boss! -(CHEERS)

Yeah, we beat the boss!

(GRUNTS) Who the man? I'm the man!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Guess we gotta be a little more aware of your ectoplasm getting dropped around.

True. But you sure took care of business back there, bro.

-Hey, you weren't so bad yourself. -Hey, hey.

Still, I wonder what would happen if you gave a little ecto-dose to my cell.

Only one way to find out!

-Well? Nothing? -(CELL PHONE BUZZING)

-(ROARING) -SPENCER: (SCREAMING) No!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE VOICE: Yes!