Original subtitles

* If I could walk

* Oh

* You know I'd never lie.

(applause)

Oz, hey!

Have a seat... except, we don't have any seats.

It's okay. I'll just scrunch in.

Xander?

Why are you giving me a lap dance?

What? I just like you.

WILLOW: And that's very beautiful.

I think it's great

when two people like two people

and want to be close to them instead of anyone else.

Hear, hear!

Yeah, well put. Hey, can I snag a sip?

Sure. Yeah, you got it.

(applause)

Thank you!

Thank you. Uh, we're here through Saturday.

Enjoy the veal.

Why are you guys so hyper?

Hey, speaking of people

and things they do that aren't like usual,

anyone notice Buffy acting sort of different?

Let's see, uh, killing zombies,

uh, torching sewer monsters...

And no, that's, uh,

pretty much the, uh, same old Buffster.

Well, I just mean, you know, she's off by herself a lot more.

And she's kind of distracted.

Think maybe she has a new honey?

A boyfriend?

Why wouldn't she tell us?

Excuse me?

When your last steady killed half the class,

and then your rebound guy sends you a dump-o-gram?

It makes a girl shy.

But we're the best of Buffy's bestest buds.

She'd tell us. Tell you what?

About your new boyfriend, who we made up--

unless we didn't?

This was a topic of discussion?

Well, raised, but never discussed.

So, are you dating somebody or not?

I wouldn't use the word "dating,"

but I am going out with somebody.

Tonight, as a matter of fact.

Really? Who?

Yo, what's up? Hey, time to motorvate.

Really, we're just good friends.

(both grunting)

(grunting)

Synchronized slaying.

New Olympic category?

What do you think?

WOMAN: Sloppy.

You telegraph punches, leave blind sides open

and, for a school-night slaying,

take entirely too much time.

Which one of you is Faith?

FAITH: It depends.

Who the hell are you?

Gwendolyn Post.

Mrs.

Your new watcher.

(wolf howling)

*

FAITH: I'm telling you.

I don't need a new watcher.

No offense, lady.

I just have this problem with authority figures.

They end up kind of dead.

Duly noted, and fortunately, it's not up to you.

Mr. Giles, where do you keep the rest of your books?

I-I'm sorry. "The rest"?

Yes, the actual library.

Oh, I see.

I can assure you, Mrs. Post,

this is the finest occult reference collection--

This side of the Atlantic, I'm sure.

Do you have Hume's Paranormal Encyclopedia?

The Labyrinth Maps of Malta?

It's on order.

Well, I suppose that you have

Sir Robert Kane's Twilight Compendium?

Oh, uh...

Yes, I... yes.

Yes, I do.

Yes, of course you do.

I have been sent by the Council

for a very important reason.

Faith needs a watcher.

I am to act in that capacity and report back.

Excuse me, Mary Poppins, you don't seem to be listening--

Faith, if the Council feels that you need closer observation, then, uh,

we will all, of course, cooperate.

The Council wishes me to report on the entire situation here,

including you.

Hmm, academic probation's not so funny today, huh, Giles?

MRS. POST: The fact is

there is talk in the Council

that you have become a bit too

American.

Me? Him?

A demon named Lagos is coming here to the Hellmouth.

Mr. Giles, an illustration of Lagos, if you please.

Oh, uh... yes, uh...

Perhaps later.

Lagos seeks

the Glove of Myhnegon.

No record of this glove's full power exists.

But we do know it is highly dangerous

and must not fall into the hands of a demon.

Lagos must be stopped.

Uh, what-what do you propose?

Well, if it's not too radical a suggestion,

I thought we might kill him.

I suggest two slayers at full strength

for a coordinated hunt.

We believe the glove to be buried in a tomb somewhere,

so Lagos will be headed for the cemetery.

There is more than one in Sunnydale.

I see.

How many?

Uh, 12, within the city limits.

Well, we'll just have to take them one at a time.

Anything in your books that might pinpoint

the exact location of the tomb would be useful.

But then, we cannot ask for miracles.

We will begin

tomorrow at sunset.

Faith?

With me, please.

That was bracing.

Interesting lady.

Can we kill her?

I think the Council might frown upon that.

Well... uh, how do you feel

about a spot of training?

*

Uh...

I got to go.

Big night for us slayer types.

People to see.

Demons to kill.

Better hurry before somebody figures out what we're doing.

What are we doing?

Training.

And almost kissing.

Sorry.

It's just...

old habit.

Bad, bad habit...

to be broken.

It's hard.

It's not hard.

Cold turkey.

That's the key to quitting.

You think they make a patch for this?

You have to go.

I really do.

I'm gonna try

and vent a little hormonal angst

by going out there and killing a Lagos.

Whatever that is.

Lagos?

Some demon looking for some all-powerful thingamabob,

and I got to stop him before he unleashes

unholy havoc, and it's another

Tuesday night in Sunnydale.

Be careful.

God, this is intolerable.

There's not a word here about Lagos or the glove.

We don't have time for this near-missing.

Just find out all you can about the demon.

(stammers) Its strengths,

its weaknesses, its places of origin--

and most importantly,

what it plans to do with this blasted glove.

Hey, you're not the watcher of me.

Then go home, but if you choose to stay, then work.

Ugh.

It's late. I'm tired.

What does he want from us, anyway?

The number of a qualified surgeon

to remove the British flag from his butt?

My eyes are all blurry.

(groans)

Oh, stop.

Right.

Stop means no.

And no means no,

so, um...

stop.

Willow, Xander?

You can stop your, uh, studying.

I've got what I need.

What have you got?

Uh, the probable location

of the Glove of Myhnegon.

It's, uh, housed in the Von Hauptman family crypt.

Yeah, that's, uh, that big one over at the Restfield cemetery.

Yeah, well, that's great, Giles.

Um, how'd you find it?

I looked.

Where's Buffy at?

Uh, I'm not sure.

Well, I'll go check out this, uh, crypt.

Um, tell her heads-up if she, uh, stops by.

Yes, by all means, go.

And I'll just keep studying.

I think we're on the verge of a big Lagos breakthrough.

No, I'd say we're done.

Ronnie, deadbeat.

Steve, klepto.

Kenny... drummer.

Eventually, I just had to face up

to my destiny as a loser magnet.

Now it's strictly get some, get gone.

You can't trust guys.

You can trust some guys.

Really, I've read about them.

Yeah. So, what about you?

You mean like, me and guys me?

Mm-hmm.

Not much to tell these days.

Yeah, but you got to have stories.

I mean, I've had my share of losers,

but you, you boinked the undead.

What was that like?

Life with Angel's-- was complicated.

It's still a little hard for me to talk about.

Well, try.

Look, Faith,

all the Angel issues are still kind of with me,

so if you don't mind, I'd rather not.

Yeah.

Yeah, whatever.

You know what?

We're oh for six tonight.

Why don't we just blow this off?

I am kind of beat--

But-but Shady Hill's pretty close.

I'll swing through it. It's on my way anyway.

Alone? I-I don't know if I'd feel--

I got Miss Priss on my back now.

I don't need another baby-sitter.

I'll holler if I'm having any fun.

Okay.

Later.

Thanks.

(bird calling)

(rustling, scraping)

(loud thudding)

Son of a bitch. It's my lucky day.

(grunting)

(growling)

(grunting)

(low growling)

(grunts, growls)

(grunts, groans)

(growling)

(gasps)

(angry chuffing)

(panting, groans)

(bird calling, panting)

(sighs)

Hey, Giles, here's a nifty idea.

Why don't I alleviate my guilt by going out

and getting myself really, really killed?

(rustling, scraping)

*

(Buffy exhales loudly)

Uh.

(panting)

Oh, God.

Buffy? What am I doing?

What are you doing?

I don't know. Shame on you!

Oh, God, I...

I don't even know why I came back here.

Uh, uh... it's good you did.

I think I have what you're looking for.

Great. Just, wherever this was gift-wrapped,

remind me not to shop there.

Glove of Myhnegon.

The world's ugliest fashion accessory. Don't.

Once you put it on, the glove can never be removed.

So... no touching.

Kind of like us.

You hold on to it. I'll...

I'll tell Giles in the morning.

At least he'll be happy.

Ah! Yes. There we are.

There's a wood engraving. See?

The Glove of Myhnegon.

Yes, engraved by Father Theodore of Wolsham.

Yes. Based, I believe,

on very sketchy and unreliable folk legends.

The pictures are fun to look at, Mr. Giles,

but one really ought to read the nice words, as well.

(tea kettle whistling)

Ah. Yes.

Some tea, perhaps?

I know that you must find me tiresome,

but it's insidious, really.

A person slips up on the little things,

and soon everything's gone

to hell in a hand basket.

For example, Buffy, your slayer...

Mrs. Post... I can assure you

that Buffy is both dedicated and industrious,

and I am in complete control of my slayer.

(door rattles)

Giles! We have a big problem.

It's Buffy.

Will you excuse us?

(whispering)

Would you like some assistance?

Thank you.

That won't be necessary.

(birds singing

(door opens, footsteps approaching)

BUFFY: Lagos is

out of luck. I got the magic mitten thingy.

What's with all

the tragedy masks?

Better take a seat, Buffy.

What's going on?

We know Angel is alive.

Xander saw you with him.

It would appear that you've been hiding him

and that you lied to us.

WILLOW: Nobody's here to blame you, Buffy.

But this is serious. You need help.

It's not what you think.

Hope not, because I think you're harboring a vicious killer.

WILLOW: This isn't about attacking Buffy.

Remember, "I" statements only.

"I feel angry." "I feel worried."

CORDELIA: Fine.

Here's one.

I feel worried.

About me!

Last time around, Angel barely laid a hand on Buffy.

He was way more interested in killing her friends.

But he's better now. XANDER: Better

for how long, Buffy?

I mean, did you even think about that?

What is this, demons anonymous?

I don't need an intervention here.

Oh, don't you?

You must've known it was wrong seeing Angel, or

you wouldn't have hidden it from all of us.

I was going to tell you, I was.

It was just that I... I didn't know why he came back.

I-I just wanted to wait.

For what? For Angel to go psycho again

the next time you give him a happy?

I'm not going to...

We're not together like that.

But you were kissing him.

You were spying on me?

What gives you the right?

CORDELIA: What gives you the right to suck face

with your demon lover again?

It was an accident.

What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?

It was wrong, okay? I know that,

and I know that it can't happen again.

But you guys have to believe me.

I would never put you in any danger.

If I thought for a second that

Angel was gonna hurt anyone... XANDER: You would stop him.

Like you did last time with Ms. Calendar.

WILLOW: Buffy,

I feel that when it comes to Angel, you can't see straight.

And that's why we're-we're all going to help you face this.

But he's better now, I swear. Look, you guys, he's the one

that found the Glove of Myhnegon.

He's keeping it safe for us in the mansion.

Right! Great plan.

Leave tons of firepower with a scary guy,

and leave us to clean up the mess.

You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?

I don't need an excuse.

I think lots of dead people actually constitutes a reason.

Right. This is all nobility.

This has nothing to do with jealousy.

Hello? Miss Not-Over-Yourself-Yet?

Don't you start with me. WILLOW: Giles, no one's doing

the "I" statements. That's enough!

Everybody.

Now Buffy knows our concerns,

and her actions, however ill-advised,

can be understood.

Our...

priority right now is to retrieve the Glove of Myhnegon

and try to destroy it.

Now, all of you, back to your classes.

(door opens)

(door closes)

Thanks for the bail in there.

I know this is a lot to absorb,

but Angel did find the glove, and that was a-a good...

Be quiet.

I won't remind you that the fate of the world

often lies with the slayer.

What would be the point?

Nor shall I remind you that you've jeopardized the lives

of all that you hold dear by harboring a known murderer.

But sadly, I must remind you

that Angel tortured me...

for hours... for pleasure.

You should have told me he was alive.

You didn't.

You have no respect for me or the job I perform.

(knocking)

A word of advice?

Vampires rarely knock, especially in daylight.

Oh, right.

(scoffs)

So... this is your home.

Yeah. The, uh, decorator actually just left.

Faith...

do you know who the Spartans were?

Wild stab. A bunch of guys from Spart?

They were the fiercest warriors known to Ancient Greece.

And they lived in quarters very much like these.

Do you know why? Because

a true fighter needs nothing else.

I'm going to be very hard on you, Faith.

I will not

brook insolence or laziness.

And I will not allow blunders like last night's attack.

You will probably hate me

a great deal of the time.

You think? (siren blaring)

But I will make you a better slayer,

and that will keep you alive.

You have to trust that I am right.

God only knows what Mr. Giles has been filling your head with.

Giles is okay.

His methods

are unfathomable to me.

I find him entirely confounding.

But that is not important.

Let him have his games and secret meetings.

What meetings?

Oh, I don't know. Something with Buffy and her friends.

Oh, right.

I guess that doesn't include me.

And why does he let her socialize so much?

It hardly seems...

No matter.

Would you like to do some training?

Training? As in kicking and punching and stabbing?

Yes, that's the idea.

I'm your girl.

(school bell rings)

(indistinct, overlapping chatter)

Hey. Hey.

So on a scale of one to a million,

how much are you hating me right now? Zero.

You were scared, you kept a secret, you know?

It's okay. I mean, secrets aren't bad.

You know, they're normal.

They're better than normal.

They're good. Secrets are good.

Must be a reason why we keep 'em, right?

Yeah, I guess.

So, are you going to The Bronze tonight,

or, uh, are you gonna sneak away

for a not-so-secret rendezvous with Angel?

None of the above.

I'm gonna try and kill this Lagos guy.

Peace offering to Giles.

Well, Angel has the glove now, right?

Yup, but Lagos doesn't know that.

I figure sooner or later, he's bound

to show up at that crypt looking for it.

Ah, but instead, he finds Buffy in a not-so-good mood?

That's my brilliant plan.

(rock music playing, indistinct crowd chatter)

You look pissed.

Rough day. Tell me about it.

Rather just shoot.

Don't think I don't know what you and your pals

were talking about behind my back today.

(strikes ball) Yeah? What was that?

More about this glove deal than you're saying.

The Glove of Myhnegon? Right.

How'd you like a hit of some real news?

Angel's still alive.

The vampire.

Back in town. Saw him myself.

Toting the popular and famous glove.

Angel.

(strikes ball)

Guy like that, with that kind of glove

could kill a whole mess of people.

Said the same thing to Buffy myself.

Weird how she didn't seem to care.

Buffy knew he was alive.

I can't believe her. She says

he's clean. Yeah, well, I say we can't afford to find out.

I say I deal with this problem right now.

I say I slay.

Can I come?

You wanted to see me, Mr. Giles?

Yes. I do apologize for bringing you in at this late hour.

Please. A good watcher must be awake and alert at all hours.

Would you like some tea?

God, yes, please.

I'm completely knackered.

I spent the afternoon training with Faith.

She doesn't lack for energy. (laughs)

She's your first slayer, I take it?

If you're questioning my qualifications...

No, I'm not.

I have the utmost respect for your methods...

in my own American way.

I also have the glove.

Oh, not actually on me, but, uh, I believe it's safe.

It's at a... a mansion on Crawford Street.

A-a... a friend of Buffy's is keeping it there.

Well, we must get to it.

Immediately.

Hide it before someone else finds it.

Or better still, destroy it.

Destroy it?

Yes. Yes, I-I...

I didn't think it could be done either, but, uh...

it involves transforming fire into living flame and

immolating the glove.

It's complex, but, uh...

I believe I have all the necessary materials.

Well, I must say, Mr. Giles...

good show.

(grunts)

(gasps softly)

Good show indeed.

(grunts)

(chair squeaking)

(crickets chirping)

Um, not to downplay my own slaying abilities,

which in some circles are considered formidable,

but shouldn't Faith be here?

I tried calling, but no one was home.

Look, if you're feeling any demon-o-phobia, please.

Splitting is totally an option.

You're not the one in trouble with Giles.

That's true. (bird calling)

How long do you think he can stay angry at me, anyway?

The emotional marathon man?

Yeah. I can't really blame him.

It's weird, though.

Now that my secret...

Angel-- it's all out in the open...

I feel better.

Well, sure you do. This big burden's been lifted.

Keeping secrets is a lot of work.

One could hypothetically imagine.

You have no idea.

None whatsoever.

But... can I ask you a question?

When you were with Angel and nobody knew about it,

did that make it feel, you know, sexier somehow?

Not really.

It's too much pressure.

After a while, it even makes the fun parts...

not so fun.

Huh.

What makes you think all this secret stuff is sexy, anyway?

Nothing. Just wondering.

Got to keep asking the big old questions

when you're blessed with this girl's thirst for knowledge.

And okay, there's something I have to tell you.

What?

Okay. This will make me feel better, right?

(sighs)

You know, I always consider myself a good person.

Floss, do my homework, never cheat.

But lately-- and please don't judge me on this--

but I want you to be the first to know that-that...

there's a demon behind you.

(growling)

(grunts)

(demon growls, Buffy gasps)

(demon growls, Buffy groans)

(grunting and growling)

(Buffy gasps, growling)

Ooh.

(growls, Buffy groans)

(growling)

(grunting)

Now we're talking. (low growling)

(grunts)

Yes!

(sighs, bird calling)

Sorry about that.

So, what were you saying?

Oh, I...

I opened my S.A.T. test booklet five minutes early.

Just doesn't seem important now, does it?

Your secret's safe with me.

Come on.

Let's go bring Giles some happiness.

Good old Sunnydale Library.

Fully equipped with reference books, file cards...

and weapons. Beauty.

I call crossbow. You got it.

All right, ready to go? That I am.

(male moaning)

Wait. What?

Oh, my God, it's Giles!

Giles, can you hear me?

What the hell happened?

Gee, let me guess.

Stop. Hold. Just think a minute.

Yeah, I'm thinking. Thinking Buffy's ex-meat did this.

It's not Angel's style.

The guy's a demon. How much more proof do you need?

Bite marks would be nice.

Yeah, I have a medical emergency. Sunnydale High.

Screw this waiting crap. Faith,

if we leave, Giles could die. Yeah, he's gonna have

a whole lot of company unless I do something permanent. Wait!

For what? You gonna grow a pair?

You handle the baby-sit, and I'm gonna kill Angel.

(door closes) Damn it!

(speaking Latin)

Giles is gonna be psyched

that we showed up stuffy old Mrs. Post.

Oh, my God. WOMAN: Sunnydale Medical...

What happened? Giles. We have a Caucasian male, mid-forties.

Blunt object head trauma. Notify ER we're bringing him in.

What happened? No time for this.

Wait. Buffy, you must...

must destroy the glove. You want him to live?

Get out of the way. Use... living flame...

WOMAN: Move!

What happened?

Your boyfriend's not as cured as you thought.

What makes you think that Angel had anything to do with this?

We saw what you saw.

So you just assume? I didn't.

Faith did.

What did you tell her?

Only what everyone knows.

She's a big girl. Came to her own conclusions.

How much of a head start does she have?

Ten minutes.

Go through Giles' research, figure out

how to destroy the glove.

Shut up and help me.

What do you want?

Gwen Post. Mr. Giles sent me.

What for?

To help you destroy the glove. Is that the living flame?

Yes.

Look, I'm sorry to be so abrupt,

but Lagos is on his way here now.

If you're performing the ritual incorrectly,

it will only make the glove more powerful.

All right.

Good. Where is the glove?

It's in the trunk.

(grunts, thudding)

That's what I love about this town.

Everyone's so helpful.

Bugger! Bugger!

Okay. That hurt.

But it was supposed to kill you.

If you'd been human,

it would have.

But... I believe this your poison.

(growls)

(growls)

(grunts)

Mrs. Post!

(growls) I can't believe

how much I'm gonna kill you. You're not

getting that glove. You want to bet?

(grunting)

(growling) (grunting)

(grunting)

What? (grunting)

XANDER: Think we got it? WILLOW: Well, it's either

the catalyst for living flame,

or just some really smelly sand.

We'll have to test this. I'll double-check.

What?

I know what the glove does.

There's no time to test this.

I can't let you do it, Faith. You're confused,

Twinkie. Let me clear you up.

Vampire, slayer, dead vampire.

There's a lot that you don't understand.

MRS. POST: Faith? She doesn't

know. She's blinded by love.

Faith, no.

Trust me.

Faith, we can figure this out.

(groaning)

(grunting)

(choking)

(groaning)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(yells, grunting)

The glove-- it's in the trunk.

We'll get it. Help Faith.

(groaning)

What are you...?

Stop! Guys, listen!

(grunting)

(blows landing, grunting continues)

Finally.

(blows landing, grunting continues)

(grunts)

(grunting)

(blows landing, grunting continues)

(speaks Gaelic)

(thunder crackles and rumbles)

(thunder crackling)

What's going on?

Faith, a word of advice.

You're an idiot.

(speaks Gaelic)

(thunder crackling)

(electrical hissing, thunder crackling)

(speaks Gaelic, thunder crackling)

(panting)

(speaks Gaelic)

(thunder crackling, hissing, rumbling)

Can you draw her fire?

You bet I can. Go do it.

(speaks Gaelic, explosive crackle)

MRS. POST: There's nothing you can do to me now.

I have the glove. With the glove comes

the power. I'm getting that.

(hissing)

(thunder crackling, screaming)

(screaming)

(screaming, whooshing)

(indistinct, overlapping chatter)

So there's no more glove thingy?

No. Little living flame, little mesquite-- gone for good.

Sounds like we missed

a lot of fun. Then we're

telling it wrong. WILLOW: What do you think

Buffy and Angel are gonna do? XANDER: Boy,

do I don't know.

WILLOW: Well, he saved

me from a horrible flamey death.

That sort of makes me like him again.

XANDER: Well, as long

as she and Angel don't get pelvic, we'll be okay, I guess.

What are you guys talking about?

Oddly enough, your boyfriend. Again.

He's not my boyfriend.

Really, truly, he's...

I don't know.

Are we cool?

Yeah.

Just seeing the two of you kissing

after everything that happened, I leaned toward the postal.

But I trust you.

I don't, just for the record.

(clears his throat)

Let me guess.

Gwendolyn Post, not a watcher?

Yes, she was.

She was, uh, kicked out by the Council

a couple of years ago for misuses of Dark Power.

They swear there was a memo.

BUFFY: Well, I better go.

Little more damage control.

WILLOW (sighs): The whole

Angel thing is so weird.

Yes, well, we'll have to see how that unfolds, won't we?

MAN (on TV): Yes, sir?

Police officers. My name's Friday. This is...

(knocking)

Come in. (door opens)

(TV plays indistinctly in the background)

Hey.

(door closes)

MAN (on TV): Called the police just a little while ago.

Talked to a man down there. I didn't get his name, though.

The place looks nice.

Yeah, it's real Spartan.

MAN (on TV): Can you show us where they broke in, please?

How are you?

Five by five.

I'll interpret that as good.

Look, Gwendolyn Post,

or whoever she may be, had us all fooled, even Giles.

Yeah, well, you can't trust people.

I should've learned that by now.

I realize this is gonna sound funny coming from someone

that just spent a lot of time kicking your face...

but you can trust me.

Is that right?

I know I kept secrets,

but I didn't have a choice.

I'm on your side.

I'm on my side,

and that's enough.

Not always.

Is that it?

Yeah, I guess.

All right. Well, then, I'll see you.

(TV plays indistinctly in the background)

Uh, Buffy?

Yeah?

Nothing.

Grr. Argh.