Original subtitles

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ La, la la la, la-la la la ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪

♪ Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪

[ Donkey braying ]

You again?! Hello, Mr. Action Jackson,

my name is Lazor Wulf, I'm a huge fan

and would love it if --

I know who you are!

You were here yesterday!

Hello, Mr. Action Jackson!

[ Screams ] Get out of my garage!

I was. And the day before that!

♪ Shucky ducky, you're the one ♪

♪ Shucky ducky, you're... so much fun! ♪

Hello, Mr. Action Jackson, my name is Laz--

Aaaahhh! Get out!

That was bad timing on my end

but as you can see, I used the doorbell today.

[ Donkey braying ]

♪♪

And my name is not Action Jackson!

It's Carl -- Carl Weathers!

Carl Weathers?

What the hell is this man talking about?

[ Electronic motors whirring ]

[ Glugging ]

♪♪

Oh -- oh, God! How did you get in here?!

I thought I locked the door!

First of all, don't insult me by calling me God,

and second, how are you not Action Jackson?

You look just like dude.

Cause I'm Carl Weathers,

and "Action Jackson" is a damn movie!

I think you mean documentary?

Yeah... sure, whatever.

Regardless, he's not even here!

[ Doorbell chimes ] [ Grumbles ]

Gotcha!

♪♪

[ Whirring ]

Now, what do you mean he's "gone"?

I meant just that!

He's not here -- he's gone,

and you don't have to ever bother me

about him ever again!

Now please, for the final time...

leave me alone!

[ Whirring ]

Gone?

Canon: Then I ran up on them fools with the quickness!

-Watch out! -They ain't see you coming?

Not at all.

And then what happened?

Nothing, I'm just fucking with y'all.

I made up that whole story. I just wanted some attention.

[ Slurping ] And you got it, my dude.

Yes, I did.

Yes... I did. You so lame.

Well, I rather enjoyed that story, Canon.

Excuse me, but who are you?

My name is Malcolm.

Well, what the fuck you doing at our table, Malcolm?

Y'all done yet? Actually, I was sitting here

before y'all got here.

I didn't want to be rude, so I just kept sittin'.

If you gonna sit with us we gonna need you

to be silent, ya nerd!

Anyways, anyone heard from Lazor?

[ Sound effect of machine gunfire ]

What's up, I'm handling very important business.

No you not. Where are you for real?

Outside of Carl Weathers' house.

Carl Weathers? I thought you were bugging Action Jackson?

Exactly. What are you talking about?

I'm trying to right an injustice!

Sorry, still lost here.

Look, Blazor, I know for a fact

that Carl Weathers murdered Action Jackson.

No, he didn't!

Imma need you to leave that man alone!

No.

♪♪

Officer! It's me, Carl Weathers... again.

And I, Carl Weathers, am being harassed...

again.

♪♪

Lazor Wulf? Again?

Just don't open the door, man.

Look, why don't you just come an arrest him?

I don't deserve to be bothered like this on a weekly basis!

[ Groans ] You being wild dramatic right now.

Well -- Well, I am fucking actor!

Now will you come handle this already?

Look, I'm about to beat the high score,

so we'll probably just head down right after, okay?

Homie needs to get some friends.

Homie is convinced that this dude, Carl Weathers,

has done something to Action Jackson.

What happened to Action Jackson?

Nothing! Lazor's probably tripping.

Carl Weathers? I don't know.

That name just don't sit well with me.

Same, Yeti, same.

[ Whinnies ] Who the fuck asked you?!

♪♪

Hey, Action!

[ Sighs ]

Looks like I might have to take matters into my own hands...

again.

And if he shows up again,

I'll have something for him this time.

♪♪

Really? What is it?

How did you even --

Oh... you forgot to lock the back door.

[ Eight-bit zapping ]

Seriously, what is wrong with you?

Justice is what's wrong with me.

I'm not a doctor...

[ Groans ]

You're not going to give up on this, are you?

I can't.

♪ Then I guess this is how it's gotta be ♪

[ Gunshot ]

Uh... Should we be worried?

About Lazor? Nah, he's good.

Stupid Horse, is right though.

He is usually back by now.

This Carl Weathers character...

I just don't know.

♪♪

Ooh! I'm about to beat the high score y'all!

Shots fired at Carl Weathers' house.

Get your asses there pronto.

Oh, no! But I'm so close!

Now!

Let's go-o-o-o!

Lazor Wulf might've done it this time.

I hope we're not too late.

Y'all hear that?

Let's go-o-o-o!

Mm, I think I'm going to sit this one out.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

No one care about you, Michael!

You'll never be a part of our group!

[ Shatters ]

Awww, my raisin soup.

♪♪

You should've just left me alone!

You made me do this to you!

[ Grumbles ] [ Door bell clunking ]

What? Who could that be?

[ High pitched ] ♪ Who is it? ♪

It's the Woop-Woops! Open the door!

Ooh, uh, it's okay.

I'm totally fine now.

Okay... So...

Where is Lazor Wulf? Ha, well, I killed --

[ Gasps ] I mean, I mean,

we talked it out and he went home.

Open the door, Carl.

Okay, I'm opening the door real slow.

It's going to take me a couple minutes.

There's a lot of locks on this door.

[ Pop, groans ]

What the fuck is wrong with you, Carl?!

Hmm! You not going nowhere, my dude.

Let me go!

Where's my brother?

Yeah! Where the hell is Lazor Wulf?

I don't know who you're talking about!

Oh, you don't, huh?

Hold him still King Yeti!

[ Groans ]

Wow.

You weren't ever going to open the door, were you?

[ Ding-ding-ding ]

Where is he, Carl?!

Ugh, I think I found him.

Oh, no.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Carl?!

Let me go!

I had to! He left me no choice!

He wouldn't leave me alone!

What does that mean? He was just being a fan!

No! He was harassing me!

And they did nothing to stop it!

So, I did what I had to do!

I knew you weren't right!

Fuck all of you!

I just wanted to be left alone!

Well you will be left alone --

for the rest of your life...

In a prison cell!

Don't step on my line!

My bad.

Carl Weathers,

you are under arrest

for the murder of Lazor Wulf.

No, he's not. Lazor?!

You're alive?! Wait a minute...

No, you wait a minute,

I have more words to say.

[ Gasps, laughs maniacally ] How?! I shot you!

Did you -- or do you remember shooting my...

stunt double!

Ah, the classic stunt double trick.

[ Applause ]

Awesome! So no one's dead.

Let him go!

Hold up. Someone is dead!

I knew you killed Action Jackson and I told you

I was going to bring you to justice.

You're still on this shit?

How can I kill someone who doesn't exist?

He did exist and I figured the only way

I could prove it was by finding his body.

And there was only one way to do that...

I had to make Carl believe that he killed me too.

I followed behind, saw him go to the basement,

and saw him head to this chest --

this exact chest right here.

Holy shit! Ho-ly shit!

I dunno, I kinda saw that coming.

Bullshit, Wallace! You ain't seen shit coming!

Whatever man.

I... I just wanted peace!

I kept -- I kept telling him I wasn't Action Jackson!

Why couldn't he listen?!

Wait a minute...

so Action Jackson is a real person?

Of course, what else would he be?

I thought if I just got rid of Jackson...

Sorry -- I thought if I just rid of Action...

maybe he'd stop bugging me!

That doesn't make any sense!

Why would he stop bugging you if you did that?

You don't get to say that!

How does a wolf with a laser on his back make sense?

Does it make sense that same wolf

with a with a laser on his back,

is a fan of Action Jackson?

Only five people have watched that movie!

Five!

Five?!

You's a piece of shit, Carl,

and I hope you rot! [ Growls ]

Look as long as I have my peace and don't have to see him again,

I regret nothing!

Take him away.

I used to beat the crap out of Cody in Street Fighter

on the daily.

I'll do just fine in jail.

Carl Weathers, bitch!

Lazor, where are you going?

I already got what I was looking for.

What was that?

To prove I was right, Canon.

Action Jackson is a documentary.

[ Explosion ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪