Original subtitles

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ La, la la la, la-la la la ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪

♪ Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪

-[ Growling ] -[ Grunting ]

[ Trills ]

[ Grunting continues ]

Give up, you stone-colored shit fox.

[ Laughing ]

[ Growls and coughs ]

[ Grunting ] Give up!

[ Grunting ]

[ Taps loudly ]

Smartest decision you've ever made.

Now give me my damn title.

Take heed! This is the beginning

of a forever-long winning streak.

Mwah! Ooh! [ Kissing ] Oh.

Ah, mm, yeah. Oh, baby.

Mm, ooh, you so nasty.

And that was the last time you actually won anything.

What the fuck you telling me this for?

I was just thinking about how big of a loser you are.

No offense.

You got some nerve calling me a loser.

I should kick your ass.

It'd probably be the first fight you won

in 25,000 years.

Fuck you, Wallace. We're going to Strongburg.

What for? [ Shriek ]

I'm going to get my biggest W

by handing my smallest annoyance

their largest L. [ Snaps fingers ]

[ Snoring ] Singer: ♪ That's a fish ♪

♪ What's a fish? A doo-doo fish ♪

♪ A boot and fish ♪

♪ Swimmin' towards each other in love ♪

[ Shriek ] God is in the motherfigity house!

♪ That's a fish ♪ [ Snoring ]

♪ What's a fish? ♪ That's nice. Now leave.

I challenge you... to a fight.

♪ A boot and fish ♪

[ Signal whirring ]

I'm good. Fighting is archaic.

[ Blasts ]

What the hell, man?

Fuck is wrong with you?

[ Doors creak ]

Like I said, fighting is archaic.

[ Bell tolls ] But I am willing to play you

in a game of OhNo. OhNo?

Only losers in Milwaukee know how to play that shit.

[ Quacking ]

Man, you know we don't know how to play that shit.

[ Clatters ]

OhNo is another one of your shit ideas

that mistakenly went through.

Yeah, but to be fair, they're all usually shit ideas.

Dude is a legit loser.

[ Squeaking ]

Shut up, Wallace. OhNo it is.

I'll hand you your ass and return home a winner.

What is all this commotion I hear? [ Scream ]

Wow.

You got to lose that hat.

You lookin' like the jack of all asses right now.

Uh-ah! Learn to love it.

Learn to love it.

Can we play already?

Fine. I'll deal.

♪♪

[ Toilet flushes ]

Goddamn it, this game is fixed!

How do you lose before we even start?

For an omnipotent being,

you take the most Ls, my dude.

The most! You, like, addicted to losing or something?

Well, I -- I...

One more game! Please!

[ Whimpers ]

No, I think I'm good.

We're going to go to the mall and buy us a TV

with Stupid Horse's money.

Wait, wait, wait!

Lazor Wulf: Okay, you have my attention.

God: I won this from your great,

great, great, great, great...

...great-great-grandfather, Infiniti Wulf.

One more contest, winner gets the belt.

[ Snoring ]

Eh, I'll need a second to consider this,

in a huddle with my friends and family.

Not you, Stupid Horse, because of a hat.

Aww! That loss is technically

the only real L this family has taken

if you exclude all of Canon's. True. True.

I was asleep throughout most of this,

but I say do what you gotta do, my dude.

I can't stress enough how that one loss

has haunted this family. I mean, this ain't no typical

Canon Wulf fuck up.

Now, go whup Big Head's ass

and end the shame that Infiniti Wulf casted on this family!

The fuck you shouting for?

The point of a huddle is to whisper

and shouting negates that.

Alright, good talk, gang,

Break!

My answer is...

Aight.

Good.

But only if we move from Strongburg

and into Thee Realm of Tarnation.

Not Tarnation!

Lazor, this was not discussed in the huddle.

Same place where I won my championship belt.

[ Laughs ]

It's a deal.

Oh, wow. You might actually have a chance,

Shut up, Wallace! [ Thunder crashes ]

I also get to choose the game,

you floating geriatric fart wind.

Fine with me, shit whiskers.

But you must come alone.

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Birds crying ]

Y'all want to play Connect 5?

I'm down as long as Stupid Horse don't get to play.

That hat really is upsetting.

The hate only makes me stronger.

Oof. You got to be a strong individual to wear that hat.

♪♪

Thee Realm of Tarnation, where time is silent

and everything is nothing.

Where we have endless space for our final confrontation.

Pick your form of war, you summertime armpit.

Rock, Paper, Scissors, you floating trash cloud.

[ Laughs ] So, that's your choice?

Best two out of three.

Winner takes the belt.

Loser has to stay out of the next episode.

[ Laughs ] Works for me.

Start thinking of excuses for why you can't show up

for your own show! Stop stalling

and let's do this, dum dum.

That's mean.

Let us begin!

Ooh, one more thing. This game

will be presided by the honorable Judge Judy.

Round 1 -- rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

♪♪

[ Thudding ]

[ Laughs ]

Paper always beats rock, you badly-drawn terrier.

[ Sighs ] I might need a new strategy.

Round 2 --

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

♪♪

Aah!

[ Panting ]

And it seems rock beats scissors.

Hmm.

This biscuit brain can only throw rock.

Hate to admit this, but,

looking like I'mma need to call upon the spirit of my great,

great, great, great, great, great, great, great...

...great, great, great, great-grandfather.

Stop stalling and come and get your beating,

you talking trash bag.

Infiniti Wulf? [ Groans ]

[ Laughs ] Infiniti Wulf ain't gonna be enough to beat me!

I suggest you call all your homies.

Yo! Are we in Tarnation right now?

Infiniti Wulf's here too?

Infiniti Wulf?

What call him for? He's the reason for this mess.

[ Laughs ]

Just glad it ain't me this time.

How did we get here?

Hey, guys, I think I might need some...

[ Clears throat ]

[ Sighs ]

Nope, can't say it.

You can't ask for help?

You're a piece of work.

Don't worry, Lazor.

We're going to help you.

Actually, Stupid Horse,

I don't know if I want your help.

W-Why not?! That hat...

it's seriously the worst thing that I've ever seen.

I-I can take it off!

Look!

Nah, it's too late.

But, Lazor, I want to hellllll--

Lazor Wulf?

No!

Sent you back 'cause of the hat, huh?

Yes, he did.

Does this place smell like the hottest of garbáge?

No, that's just Infiniti Wulf.

It's his overwhelming stench of loserdom.

You've got everything you need?

-I hate eating here! -Good.

'Cause I don't want to hear no excuses

when I hand you your ass.

Round 3 -- rock...

You got this.

Get ready to hold this L.

Ooh. ...paper...

-Snip-snip, dip-shit. -Scissors.

Seriously, how did we get here?

Alright, Lazor, let's win this.

Gotta fix this sorry motherfucker's mistake.

[ Sighs ] You're the sorry motherfucker,

if you were wondering.

...shoot!

[ Laughs ]

Canon Wulf: Restore our family's honor!

Yo, you shout so much.

Scissors?

Why did I throw scissors when I knew he'd throw rock?

Wallace: 'Cause you a loser.

♪♪

Alright, thanks for y'all help.

Now go away. Asshole.

[ God sobbing ] And hopefully now

your loser spirit can rest in peace.

[ Laughs ]

She killing you right now, my guy.

[ Laughs ] But to be fair, you are a loser.

The belt. Best three out of five?

Nah, I already spent too much time here.

And I still need to go buy a new TV.

That is seriously one big-ass bill.

[ Sobs ] Yes, it is.

Why?!

It's too big and it's ugly as fuck.

How do you get out of here?

Walk a -- Walk a quarter of a mile that way

and make a left, walk for 10 more minutes

and you'll see a door.

Take it and it'll lead you back to Strongburg.

[ Sobs ] Aight.

I have a question. What?

How were you so confident you would win?

You should come to the table reads.

[ Sobbing ]

I miss my belt!

It's aight, man.

Winnin' probably everything.

I mean, it's something, but it's not everything.

[ Sobs harder ] What's funny is that

you should be able to win,

at least make yourself win.

Which makes a Spinna wonder, are you even God?

[ Sobbing ]

♪♪

♪♪