Original subtitles

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ La, la la la, la-la la la ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪

♪ Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪

How the hell did y'all rack up a $700 bill?

You do realize that Esther's isn't, like, that good.

[ All gasp ]

I apologize in advance for losing my temper.

What?

You trippin', Blazor.

Esther's is the best-ther's.

Mm. I should've workshopped that line more.

I stand by what I said.

Esther? What are you doing here?

I heard somebody talking shit.

It was Blazor.

Boy, don't nobody like a snitch.

And, you, people eat here

because I slaughtered all my competition

and established my brand.

Esther's -- your only option.

Exactly.

So watch how you speak on my brand.

'Cause I'll fucking kill ya.

Understand?

Understood. Speaking of brands,

picking up the check for spinnas ain't mine.

No worries. I got this.

King Yeti pulls out a giant novelty check.

Where'd you get all that money?

Frasier Crane is extremely buns, good sir.

Period. [ Cheers and applause ]

But it's my spin. This is some bullsh--

I am officially involved

in whatever you decide to do with that money.

'Cause my brand is "follow the money."

Well, I was gonna buy a coffee with the rest,

but all this branding talk has got me thinking.

[ Bell dings ]

Welcome to Bidi-Bidi Bike-Bike.

This is a brilliant idea.

I got to be your business partner.

Sure, as long as you handle the money

and all the shit that feels like actual work.

Ye-e-e-e-s.

Yeti, where are the bikes you plan on selling?

Oh, there's only one bike worth selling.

So a bike shop that only sells your one bike.

Right.

Oh, I love me a gimmick.

We'll auction it and sell it to the highest bidder.

I just came up with that.

Ideas like that be why I pay you to pay yourself, brother.

Okay, y'all clearly have no intention

of acting reasonable today, so I'm gonna sit this one out.

See you next week.

Man: Stand by.

King Yeti, your bike is your thing.

Yeah, but what is a "thing,"

other than a way to burden yourself with expectations,

blinding us to the truths and freedoms of the world?

I'mma just assume that was deep.

It isn't. But I also spent all my money

on this rightchea for the grand opening.

So I'm gonna have to see this one through.

My brand is a wolf with a laser on his back

who helps the homies.

So I just can't stand by and let you sell your bike.

Yeah, that's nice.

Could you grab me a coffee on the way back?

Decaf, right?

Now, where does money come from?

So, why do you want a job in the Clurb?

To be real with you, Patricia,

I'm just looking to get hired then fired

and get that unemployment check

so I can buy my friend's bike and give it back to him.

How adorable.

Now, go grab a mop, and clean the floors.

[ Sighs ]

Done. Time for my first break.

God: Wallace, what is this minty drink?

He's here? Hm, nice.

I'm about to get fired in record time.

That's a mojito, man.

Well, this shit is refreshing.

Can we go already?

V.I.P. isn't V.I. when you're the only "P" in it.

Hell no.

I love it.

I feel at peace here.

Ooh.

Now I really feel Clurb-ready.

You look Goddamn embarrassing.

Lazor Wulf: Yo, dum-dum. Here are your drinks.

That'll be $388.

[ Laughs ]

Normally, I'd be fucking pissed at you ruining my peace,

but seeing you work is bringing me pleasure.

Now, clean that up.

[ Laughs ]

Man, the Clurb might be hell for us,

but for him, it's heaven.

This ain't on brand.

You Goddamn right it ain't,

you malfunctioning piss whistle.

I've got to accelerate this process.

Hey, you know you fucked up so hard

when you made elbows, right?

[ Laughs ]

It's true.

Try as much as you want --

you ain't never getting fired from the Clurb.

Never.

Patricia, give this wolf a promotion.

Mm-hmm.

Things have taken a truly bad turn.

Stupid Horse: Hey, hey, hey.

Lazor Wulf.

Look who figured out that two o'clock

on a Tuesday is the only time to hit the ♪ Clu-urb. ♪

Jamantha Cartwright here at the grand opening

of Bidi-Bidi Bi-- Yo, could you shut up right quick, though?

You know what?

Fuck this.

And now for the moment we --

uh, I mean, I have been waiting for.

Congratulations. You got red.

Nice. What'd I win?

What you mean? Isn't red enough?

Okay, fine. You win a selfie.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

King Yeti, we got a problem.

Look around.

We got customers. -[ Coughs ]

We got cash registers. [ Cash register dings ]

We even have a Jermajesty Jackson endorsement.

I do not endorse this. [ Coughs ]

Shit is perfecto, my dude.

Relax.

We only got $36 of actual monies.

Hm.

That can't be good.

What would Esther do?

Hmm. Hmm.

Oh, I killed all my competition, baby.

I wrapped my hands around their necks and I squoze

until I saw the life drain from they necks.

Their bodies. Wrong line.

Sorry.

I know what I must does.

Good. Could you grab me a coffee on the way back?

Regular, right?

You don't sell bikes here anymore.

Well, we don't sell bikes. We --

Exactly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y.

♪♪

You know, I'm actually thinking we might just stay here.

Uh, that would be a tough adjustment.

They ain't got no TV here,

plus I'm falling all behind on "Buffy."

Shut up, Wallace. Where's Lazor Wulf?

I'm up here working.

♪♪

Boy, you just got yourself a promotion.

-Damn. -Hey, Lazor Wulf.

Check out my Dutty Wine.

I need to get fired now.

[ Laughs ]

I already told you, dum-dum.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

You ain't never, ever, never, never leaving the Clurb.

You are now the manager of the Clurb.

[ Sighs ] Figured as much.

God: [ Laughs ] Right on brand.

Aw, what's wrong, homey?

A frown in the Clurb is like a fart in the wind.

Misplaced.

I can't get fired, and King Yeti's gonna lose his bike.

Cool, cool, cool.

So, you want to dance now?

Stupid Horse, you're talented at being annoying.

What's your brand?

I have no idea.

♪ But I do what I do to bri-- ♪

[ Sighs ]

[ Panting ]

All bike and bike-related business in town,

including the children's library,

'cause fuck books, are gone.

Also, here's your coffee.

My dude.

[ Slurps ]

So, you think folks definitely gonna bid now?

Patience.

Now, who's in the market for a new bike?

[ Indistinct talking ]

I detect a bit of smokiness with hints of cherry and lavender.

What do you think, Wallace?

I don't care.

Hey, VIPs. Y'all in the mood for

♪ some dirty horsey dancing? ♪

♪ Dirty horsey ♪

Aah! -[ Groans ]

Unh-unh. Who the fuck let this dumb,

janky-ass jackass into the Clurb?

Me. I-It was me.

I did it. -Patricia!

Sorry, Lazor, but he's my biggest investor.

Bless you, Patricia. Bless you.

Lazor Wulf, take me with you.

Sit down, Wallace.

We live here now.

Before we proceed with the bidding, King Yeti

would like to grace us with a poem.

The bike is my thing.

It is not my only thing.

Spinny wheels are tight.

The end.

Alright, let's take someone's money.

The lucky person going home with King Yeti's

bike today is -- -Hold up.

I've got the money and your coffee.

Ah. Just in time.

I'm almost done with this cup.

Homey, this is $37.

The current bid is $25,000.

$25,000?

Oh, shit. You should take that, Yeti.

$25,000 going once, twice.

King Yeti: Ho-Ho-Ho-Hold up. Hold up.

I am no longer selling my bike.

-What? -What the heck, Yeti?

Seeing all this commotion over my bike is an honor,

but my real goal was to prove

that I could sell this bike if I wanted to.

And I did, so mission accomplished.

What the fuck is you saying?

That the power is not in the brand.

The power is in you. You feel me?

No, King Yeti.

I don't feel you.

Well said? I don't know.

I'm just glad you ain't selling the bike.

-Thanks, my dude. -Hmm.

Since this is a wash,

can I at least burn the store down?

Of course.

Have at it, my dude.

It was pretty nice being a successful business owner.

I got two free cups of coffee out of the deal.

No, you fucking didn't. That'll be $38.50.

For real.

Ain't no such thing as a free coffee.

[ Crying ] Why am I crying?

I was having so much fun.

'Cause, homey, it's the Clurb.

No matter how good you think it's going,

it always ends in tears.

For real. You ain't really Clurbed

if you not sobbing at the end of the night.

[ Crying ]

I feel so alone.