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1
00:00:01,083 --> 00:00:02,583
♪ La, la, la ♪
2
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:06,497
♪ La, la la la, la-la la la ♪
3
00:00:06,583 --> 00:00:08,293
♪ Da da da da ♪
4
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:11,245
♪ Da da da da da da ♪
5
00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:16,583
♪ Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪
6
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:19,247
And we all know who y'all got
to thank for introducing
7
00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:21,583
the Heated Toilet seat
to Strongburg right?
8
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,997
Hmm.
9
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,420
Ugh.
10
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:28,460
Was it Battle Ham?
11
00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:29,882
Y'all know
what it is.
12
00:00:29,958 --> 00:00:32,878
Folks were living in the damn
Dark Ages before that.
13
00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:35,918
Listen, Lazor Wulf,
as your bestest homie,
14
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,630
I say that sounds like
a bunch of horse sh--
15
00:00:38,708 --> 00:00:41,628
I'm usually not one to mix
shit-talk with food-talk,
16
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,788
but shout-out
to the homie Battle Ham
17
00:00:43,875 --> 00:00:47,375
for all his contributions
to our modern society.
18
00:00:48,958 --> 00:00:50,458
[ Smack! Smack! Smack! ]
19
00:00:50,542 --> 00:00:53,462
If you can't carry
7,000 mozzarella sticks,
20
00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:56,712
then it shouldn't be on option
on the damn "Food Go-Go" app.
21
00:00:56,792 --> 00:01:00,542
I hear you, but let's be our
most honest selves right now.
22
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:04,285
Do you really need
any more mozzarella sticks?
23
00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,125
Oh, shit.
24
00:01:06,208 --> 00:01:07,998
Dude must have hit his head
or something.
25
00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:09,213
Shut up, Wallace!
26
00:01:09,292 --> 00:01:11,632
Are you saying I need
to go on a diet?
27
00:01:11,708 --> 00:01:13,378
Unh-unh.
Don't put that on me, bro.
28
00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:15,538
Oh, here it go.
29
00:01:15,625 --> 00:01:19,125
So "Food Go-Go" thinks I need
to go on a diet, huh?
30
00:01:19,208 --> 00:01:22,208
Well, I guess I'm going
on a fucking diet,
31
00:01:22,292 --> 00:01:24,002
and y'all know
when I go on a diet...
32
00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:26,793
[ Sighs ]
The whole world goes on a diet.
33
00:01:26,875 --> 00:01:28,165
That's fucking right.
34
00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:31,080
Unless folks ate
already.
35
00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:33,827
So...how do I get
hooooom--
36
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,462
[ Smack! ]
37
00:01:38,542 --> 00:01:39,712
Huh?
Huh?
38
00:01:39,792 --> 00:01:40,962
What the hell?
39
00:01:41,042 --> 00:01:43,172
Y'all know I don't mix
magic with my food.
40
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,880
My corn
and pizza rolls!
41
00:01:45,958 --> 00:01:49,828
Brr! I demand to speak
to a manager right now.
42
00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:51,167
Woman: Good thing
we ate already.
43
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:52,670
Anyone seen where
Battle Ham went?
44
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:54,460
No idea, my dude.
45
00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:56,292
[ Whirring ]
46
00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:58,665
Hola, dickheads.
47
00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:01,170
Look what I just
bought off the Dorkhole.
48
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,880
Oh, shit.
49
00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:04,578
Did y'all blow up
another Esther's?
50
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,707
Nah. It --
It just disappeared.
51
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:08,422
Nice tank.
52
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,210
How we talking about tanks
when Battle Ham
53
00:02:10,292 --> 00:02:11,832
and all of the food
is gone?
54
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:16,037
Well, I mean, it is a ham,
and ham is food, so...
55
00:02:16,125 --> 00:02:17,535
Ah!
Hey, watch your mouth.
56
00:02:17,625 --> 00:02:19,035
Battle Ham is more
than food.
57
00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:21,915
Whoa. You can't be fighting
on no empty stomach, my dude.
58
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,040
You're right,
Yeti.
59
00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,665
I lost my composure.
60
00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:28,540
So Battle Ham is --
is really gone?
61
00:02:28,625 --> 00:02:30,205
Looks that way,
my dude.
62
00:02:30,292 --> 00:02:33,542
So y'all want to go home and
watch "My Bruther and Mee"?
63
00:02:33,625 --> 00:02:35,575
Goo Punch!
Everybody!
64
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:36,877
Goo Punch!
65
00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:38,918
I can't,
not with BH gone.
66
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,960
I'm so sorry,
Lazor.
67
00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:43,632
I bought
a fucking tank.
68
00:02:43,708 --> 00:02:44,878
[ Sighs ]
69
00:02:44,958 --> 00:02:48,208
Dude loved tanks...
and heated toilet seats.
70
00:02:48,292 --> 00:02:51,382
We were living in the Dark Ages
before those.
71
00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:53,248
Shout-out to the homie,
for real.
72
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:54,583
[ Indistinct talking ]
73
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,827
Jet Skis, chocolaty cereal,
box braids --
74
00:02:57,917 --> 00:02:59,707
That was all Battle Ham.
75
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:02,332
Well, Battle Ham
introduced me to Gladys.
76
00:03:02,417 --> 00:03:03,577
[ Barks ]
77
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:06,247
Battle Ham taught me
how to load my first gat.
78
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:09,793
Ooh, lil buster taught me
how to drive my biggety bus.
79
00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:12,535
And let's not forget
that Battle Ham also produced
80
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,495
the Josh Hartnett-starring
vehicle "The Faculty."
81
00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,633
What? No. Y'all
are missing the...
82
00:03:17,708 --> 00:03:19,208
Ham! Battle Ham!
Battle Ham!
83
00:03:19,292 --> 00:03:21,582
Never mind.
I'm going to the mall.
84
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,877
That was Battle Ham's
third favorite place.
85
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:25,208
You want us to come
with you,
86
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:29,962
you know, mainly me,
your bestest homie?
87
00:03:30,042 --> 00:03:31,212
No.
I'd rather go alone.
88
00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:33,292
Plus, Battle Ham
never really liked you.
89
00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:34,915
[ Gasps ]
90
00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:41,875
You're hugging me
too tight.
91
00:03:41,958 --> 00:03:44,748
Car sticker?
Hell yes.
92
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,753
These folks
are phony as fu--.
93
00:03:46,833 --> 00:03:50,173
It is I, Lamont Brickwater,and tonight, I plan
94
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:54,250
on premiering the beginningof my 37-part docuseries,
95
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,673
"The Strongest of Hams.The Battle Ham Story."
96
00:03:57,750 --> 00:04:00,460
I, Lazor Wulf,
am not okay with this.
97
00:04:00,542 --> 00:04:03,922
Merch! Merch!
Merch!
98
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,330
Canon,
what the fuck is this?
99
00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:07,207
What it is,
is what it look like --
100
00:04:07,292 --> 00:04:10,792
celebrating a lost soul
the only way one should,
101
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,285
with merch!
102
00:04:13,375 --> 00:04:14,495
[ Zap! ]
103
00:04:14,583 --> 00:04:16,923
'Cause we family,
I'm-a let that slide,
104
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,420
but you better change
your fucking attitude.
105
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:20,670
More like
Hater Wulf.
106
00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:22,500
Oh, no.
107
00:04:22,583 --> 00:04:24,333
Wah! Wah! Oh!
108
00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:26,127
Look at you.
[ Growls ]
109
00:04:26,208 --> 00:04:27,708
Bet you hungry
as hell.
110
00:04:27,792 --> 00:04:29,382
Shut up, Wallace!
Ah!
111
00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:31,418
Strongburg-ians...
112
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,750
What's going on here,
Kim?
113
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:35,173
Hey, Lazor. You here
for Yeti's show too, huh?
114
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,630
Yeti's show?
Audience:Yay!
115
00:04:36,708 --> 00:04:38,958
You are gathered to witness
my newest of trick,
116
00:04:39,042 --> 00:04:40,882
one that I've named
117
00:04:40,958 --> 00:04:43,328
Battle Ham Is
the Greatest Friend
118
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,287
I Have Ever Fucking Had.
119
00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:46,245
Audience: Yay!
120
00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:47,463
I will perform this trick
121
00:04:47,542 --> 00:04:49,252
both blindfold
and then backwards.
122
00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:50,543
Better not,
though.
123
00:04:50,625 --> 00:04:51,995
[ Sighs ]
124
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,713
Lazor Wulf leaves as Yeti
pulls
off the trick with ease.
125
00:04:54,792 --> 00:04:58,082
Mm, mm, mm. So much anger
in his little heart.
126
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,077
Probably just hungry.
127
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,917
No.
128
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,420
No.
129
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,080
No!
130
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:06,377
♪ You say you overlook? ♪
131
00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:08,378
♪ Nah,
you just overcook ♪
132
00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:09,708
♪ How you gonna
roast me ♪
133
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,082
♪ When I wrote
the cookbook? ♪
134
00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:13,327
[ Laughs ]
135
00:05:13,417 --> 00:05:16,957
Oh, we rap for our food
'round here, baby.
136
00:05:17,042 --> 00:05:18,922
Well, prepare to be
blown away
137
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,040
because I'm not only
the best rapper...
138
00:05:21,125 --> 00:05:22,075
[ Stomach growls ]
139
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,827
...but I'm also
hungry.
140
00:05:23,917 --> 00:05:25,707
♪ Mayonnaise, lettuce,
pickles, and meat ♪
141
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:30,042
♪ Two slices of bread
and a side of cheese ♪
142
00:05:30,125 --> 00:05:32,125
That ain't
no freestyle.
143
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,708
That was a lunch order.
144
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,462
[ Laughs ]
Give me back my mic.
145
00:05:35,542 --> 00:05:37,292
What you mean?
That was great.
146
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:39,075
Give me something
to eat now.
147
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:40,577
Can't you see
I'm hungry?
148
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,417
Please, feed me.
149
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,420
Fuck no.
150
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:44,960
You gon' starve
to death.
151
00:05:45,042 --> 00:05:47,422
You hear me?!
You gon' starve.
152
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:48,710
[ Crying ]
153
00:05:48,792 --> 00:05:52,582
Yep. I give this, like,
5 more minutes.
154
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,577
Coming up ina couple minutes --
155
00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:57,497
If a horse is stupid,and nobody hears it...
156
00:05:59,958 --> 00:06:01,418
[ Zap! ]
157
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:04,080
♪♪
158
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:06,577
You ain't never had
your ass beat, huh?
159
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,247
Hmm.
Don't think I have.
160
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:10,883
[ Crying ]
161
00:06:10,958 --> 00:06:14,418
We were beyond friends,Jamantha.
162
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,880
We were family.
163
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:21,788
There wasn't a day
we didn't go to the mall.
164
00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:24,495
[ Crying ]
165
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:27,133
So I've petitioned
to get Strongburg
166
00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:30,288
to be renamed
to StrongHam,
167
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:34,075
and we will be meeting
at Strongburg Square
168
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:39,627
[Crying] to properly
commiserate my buddy.
169
00:06:39,708 --> 00:06:40,958
[ Cries ]
170
00:06:41,042 --> 00:06:43,002
Mmm, that's that
good shit.
171
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,463
Okay. I'm ready.
172
00:06:44,542 --> 00:06:46,172
Wait.
Are we li-- Are we live?
173
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:47,630
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
174
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:48,998
Do you hate me
that much?
175
00:06:49,083 --> 00:06:51,383
You fucking got me on TV
looking like a Goddamn --
176
00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:52,958
[ Static ]
177
00:06:53,042 --> 00:06:54,752
That, right there,
is the last straw.
178
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:56,673
These motherfuckers
play too much.
179
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,170
[ Chatter ]
180
00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,170
[ Slam! ]
181
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,460
Unh-unh.
182
00:07:00,542 --> 00:07:03,172
Walk back out that door
and walk in my store
183
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:04,830
like you got
some damn sense.
184
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,827
For real?
185
00:07:06,917 --> 00:07:09,667
[ Creaking ]
186
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:11,170
So what's
your problem?
187
00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,710
It's disgusting,
and I am disgusted.
188
00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:16,502
Oh,
the Battle Ham thing.
189
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:19,583
Look, folks are going to
mourn how they mourn.
190
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:21,167
Nah, fuck that.
191
00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:23,460
Folks can go get their own
dead friends to mourn.
192
00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:27,172
Spinna, Battle Ham
is everyone's dead friend now,
193
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,290
and you got to live
with that.
194
00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:31,325
Also, you don't
own the dude.
195
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:32,707
And neither does --
Hey, boss.
196
00:07:32,792 --> 00:07:34,712
It looks like your copyright
for Battle Ham --
197
00:07:34,792 --> 00:07:36,002
Okay, thanks, Kinny!
Bye!
198
00:07:36,083 --> 00:07:37,583
What did you file
a copyright for?
199
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:41,747
Uh, hmm, uh,
how do I put this?
200
00:07:41,833 --> 00:07:44,173
Damn, Blazor, really?
Look.
201
00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:47,500
The opportunity
presented itself, and I took it.
202
00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:48,713
You know me.
203
00:07:48,792 --> 00:07:50,252
I'm a grabber
of opportunities.
204
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:51,633
That is so fucked up.
205
00:07:51,708 --> 00:07:54,038
Look. It seemed like
a great idea at the time.
206
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,495
And what time was that?
207
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:57,883
'Cause the homie and the food
disappeared 7 minutes ago.
208
00:07:57,958 --> 00:07:59,128
About 10 minutes ago.
209
00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:00,668
Look.
Just take it.
210
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:03,330
Seriously, take it before
I change my mind.
211
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:04,877
For real?
Yes!
212
00:08:04,958 --> 00:08:07,958
Consider it an early
and last birthday present.
213
00:08:08,042 --> 00:08:09,832
I don't usually
thank folks, but --
214
00:08:09,917 --> 00:08:12,377
Well, don't start today 'cause
that's not how we were raised.
215
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,878
Well, I've got one more
last favor to ask.
216
00:08:14,958 --> 00:08:20,248
People of Strongburg,
it's me, ♪ Stupid Horse ♪
217
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,883
Thank you for pulling up
to this special occasion.
218
00:08:23,958 --> 00:08:25,538
Battle Ham!
Battle Ham!
219
00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:26,915
Shut up!
220
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,460
I'm fucking talking here.
221
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:32,792
We are here for Battle Ham,
my best friend,
222
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:38,575
and we are here to get
Strongburg renamed to...
223
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:44,037
[Deep voice] StrongHam.
224
00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:45,955
[ Sighs ]
Can we cheer now,
225
00:08:46,042 --> 00:08:47,752
or you gon' tell us
to shut up again?
226
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,133
Oh, uh, yeah.
Y'all can cheer now.
227
00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:52,378
Audience: Uh, yay!
228
00:08:52,458 --> 00:08:53,788
Okay.
That's enough.
229
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:58,165
I also wrote a song that
♪ I'd love to sing ♪
230
00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,250
Ah!
231
00:08:59,333 --> 00:09:00,883
♪ Oh, my God ♪
232
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,458
♪ It's Armageddon ♪
233
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,962
Where'd that
come from?
234
00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:05,132
Over there.
235
00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:07,828
-Oh, go, go. Get out of the way!
-Ah!
236
00:09:09,625 --> 00:09:12,785
All of y'all dum-dums
have 3 seconds to disperse.
237
00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:15,375
Lazor Wulf,
what is this about?
238
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:16,918
You know what this
is about.
239
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,420
Y'all being annoying
as fuck
240
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,130
and lying on
my dead homie's name,
241
00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:23,248
and now that I own the rights,
it'll strictly be pay-to-play.
242
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:25,633
Is this about
the T-shirts?
243
00:09:25,708 --> 00:09:28,038
Abandon ship,
my dudes.
244
00:09:28,125 --> 00:09:29,745
Motherfucker
done lost his mind!
245
00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,753
That's right, Strongburg.
Skedaddle, dickheads!
246
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:33,793
Go home.
247
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,995
No, StrongHam-ians
Do not run.
248
00:09:36,083 --> 00:09:38,963
We must stand and...
249
00:09:39,042 --> 00:09:40,462
You know what?
Never mind.
250
00:09:40,542 --> 00:09:42,212
I'm not dying for this.
251
00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:43,582
Mnh-mnh.
252
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:44,667
[ Glass shatters ]
253
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,000
No.
254
00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:47,963
I don't want to rap.
255
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,332
Don't make me rap.
256
00:09:50,417 --> 00:09:52,577
I am so
freaking hungry.
257
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,537
I can't even sleep.
258
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:57,825
I'm having nightmares where
I got to freestyle for my
food.
259
00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:58,957
Freestyle?
260
00:09:59,042 --> 00:10:00,792
Just bring
the damn food back.
261
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:02,785
[ Crying ]
Goddamn.
262
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:08,173
We have so much
space here now.
263
00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:11,580
I'm-a see if I can buy
this up real quick.
264
00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:12,877
Shit.
265
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:14,998
There goes my five-story
mini mall.
266
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:16,923
Lazor,
remember our deal.
267
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,670
You owe me 1 day's help
in my new plant store.
268
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,290
Gas for tanks
ain't cheap.
269
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:23,705
Yeah, yeah.
270
00:10:23,792 --> 00:10:25,082
[ Flies buzzing ]
271
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,287
Oh, shit.
272
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,205
Battle Ham?
273
00:10:28,292 --> 00:10:29,832
Yo, where you been dude?
274
00:10:29,917 --> 00:10:32,627
You had these clowns thinking
you were dead in the streets.
275
00:10:32,708 --> 00:10:33,918
They were coming out
the woodwork,
276
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,380
making false claims
on your name,
277
00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:37,378
and you know
I couldn't let that slide.
278
00:10:37,458 --> 00:10:38,538
Well, no worries.
279
00:10:38,625 --> 00:10:40,535
It's handled,
and you're welcome.
280
00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:42,245
Anyways, you hungry?
281
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:45,383
'Cause I ain't eaten a damn
thing in about 11 minutes.
282
00:10:45,458 --> 00:10:47,208
Oh, yeah, one more thing.
283
00:10:47,292 --> 00:10:49,672
I own you now, and you caused
30 million in damage
284
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,790
that you have to pay.
285
00:10:51,875 --> 00:10:55,535
Wallace, order me 800
lemon-pepper wings
286
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:56,995
right the fuck now!
287
00:10:57,083 --> 00:10:59,213
I'm hungry, Goddammit.
288
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:10,582
♪♪
20073
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