Original subtitles

♪ La, la la la, la‐la la la ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪

♪ Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪

[ Farts ] I know you just farted,

but Im going to respect your hustle and not say a word.

Thank you. And I knew from this moment on,

wed be friends until the end of this drive.

Stupid Horse, where you got us going, my dude?

Ill give you 12 hints.

Its called Gods Museum of Obvious Beliefs.

Come on. You know I dont participate in God‐related activities.

Its too late to back out, anyways. Were already here.

Also, I heard they got a real, live Bigfoot

with little foots.

Thats bull[Bshh]

Lazor Wulf continues to sit in the car

and refuses to give to Stupid Horses words any credence.

Lazor Wulf, having your life revolve around stuff

you cant prove or confirm is what life is all about.

All: Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Everything is a lie.

Like for one, the Earth being flat ‐‐

no, thank you.

At the Church of Scientifical Spinnas,

were only preaching facts, like how theres only one Earth

and that its most definitely round.

Hmm, you talking that shit. Preach.

Flat, why? Because God says so?

The man is a deceiver.

[ Deep voice ] No, youre the deceiver‐r‐r‐r‐r‐r.

[ Normal voice ] Why am I so passionate about this?

Ive been trying to tell these spinnas, man.

God is the fibber.

He has us running around in circles believing

that this world is flat,

and the sheep like you believe him.

Baah!

Baaaaaaah!

Tragic.

Tragic, it is. I have to pee.

My name is Bill Figga, the Science Spinna.

I believe the Earth is round. Bye‐bye.

That man has not a single [Bshh] to give.

He was talking a serious amount of bunk.

Luckily you held me back. I was gonna thrash him.

You know, Stupid Horse, I believe I found something to believe in.

Lamar Wulf, I like your character.

Youre special and loyal.

Thanks, Mr. Figga.

You know, we always got room for one more Scientifical spinna.

Where do I sign? Uh, are you serious?

I thought beliefs were stupid.

No, your beliefs. His beliefs are scientific.

Its even in the name.

My beliefs are smart and real.

Flat Earths are real.

Round stuff is stupid and unreal.

What the [Bshh] did you just say?

Damn!

Dont insult my beliefs.

Ill eat your [Bshh] heart. I swear I will.

Lazor Wulf, I think its time that you remove yourself

from these God‐fearing flat‐Earthers

and join the family.

Peace.

Thats cool.

Have your little funky round friends.

Yeti and I are going to learn actual things in a real museum.

I dont know. Not really the museum type, my dude.

They got [deep voice] Neanderthal unicyclers.

Im in.

Matilda: You got globes, bobble Earths

and your Coco Earth Puffs all in there.

Now, go out there and spread that round‐Earther truth.

And dont forget to sell that merch. Merch?

I thought we were heading back to the compound so me and Bill

can discuss how to get these round‐Earth measures rolling.

See what I did there? You got to prove your worth.

And that involves selling merch?

Yep.

♪

Hi. Im with the Church of Scientifical Spinnas.

Did you know that everything that we think

that we know is pure bunk?

Hey, check this out.

Go pee into your own mouth.

I will not be doing that. But would you like a snow globe?

[ Doorbell ringing ]

Hi. I see that you live here, too.

Would you like to buy a dope round Earth?

Get out of here, mayonnaise monkey.

Mayonnaise ‐‐ the worst condiment.

It truly is. Now, get off my second porch!

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Ooh, you like my haircut, little buster?

No, but would you like to hear about the round Earth

and buy a snow globe? Hey, buster.

Compliment my haircut first

before you get on my biggety bus.

Sir, I cant do that.

Pull yourself together, Lazor, and remember why you did this.

You got to help spread the truth.

Now, where is unnecessary roundness valued?

Yo, son, you a genius. All them big marbles

with islands on it make perfect, cheap implants

for my delicate dancers.

Thanks for the money, and I really hope

you enjoy the rest of your day, sir.

Yes!

[ Sighs ] That was great. Okay, time to go.

Huh?

Looks like were locked in.

All: Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Uh, if I may ask, whats this stupid thing yall doing?

Bill Figga demands we praise his scientificalness all day,

or well get a stern talking to and a beating.

Yeah, got you.

Wheres Prophet Figga anyway?

♪

Hey. I know you.

You were the one with the horse.

You sell that merch yet?

[ Cash register dings ]

Great job. I knew you were a true believer.

Yeah, I guess. Can I ask what the hell this is all about?

What does it look like its about?

This is the round pathway to scientifical enlightenment.

That doesnt make any sense.

I dont see anybody around here talking round‐Earth philosophy.

As a matter of fact,

everyone is just walking around praising you.

Glad you understand.

Before you go and make me more money,

I need you to scrub the buttocks.

Thanks. Wont be doing that.

Why not? You dont want your glorious leader

walking around with a dusty bum.

Hey, you know what? Youre exactly like God.

No, Im better.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Bill Figga, hes that spinna.

Im good, and Imma keep letting the world know its round.

I dont need to praise you to do that.

[ Laughs ]

Did I say that funny?

Spinna, its flat, like the ass of a person whose butt is flat.

I made it all up. Wait, you made it up? Why?

I enjoy getting these fart huffers worked up,

and if I make some bread and get some gullible wolves

to scrub my butt in the process, even better!

So yall going to act like you really dont hear this [Bshh]

The leader is confessing that hes a fraud.

[ Man coughs ]

Whatever. Im about to prove you wrong

and expose your already‐exposed dumb ass to the world.

Get him.

♪

♪

O‐M‐to‐the‐G‐O‐D.

Wowee, were going to have a sleepover.

What should we do first? Oh, I know!

[ Deep voice ] Lets roast some bananas and tell some erotic stories.

I could use a coffee right about now.

Aah!

Shh, shh. Be quiet, man.

Just a scary voice coming from something scary.

Lets walk towards it and make friends.

Aah!

♪

Aah!

♪

[ Buzzer sounds ]

[ Knuckles crack ]

Aah!

♪

Any luck, round‐Earther girl?

I keep telling you my name is Matilda,

and, no, sir, he doesnt seem to be around.

Hmm. I know how to flush him out.

[ Clears throat ]

You know whos amazing?

God.

God is so, so magnificent.

Hell, no, hes not.

Get him.

♪

Hey, look. I need to borrow your bus.

Oh, this bus?

Only if you tell me you like my haircut.

Tell me you like my cut. Tell me you like my cut.

Tell me you like my cut.

I just cant do that, sir.

Oh, no bus for you, then, buster.

Okay. You have a unique haircut.

Oh, good enough for me, little wolfy buster.

[ Shouting ]

Ill never be able to live down complimenting

that terrible‐ass haircut.

Bill Figga is about to pay for this.

[ Tires squeal ]

Your timing is impeccable.

Hurry up and get in the Goddamn bus.

Hows your day going, my dude?

Im about to drive to the ends of the Earth

and prove that there are no ends of the Earth

cause the mother[Bshh] Earth is round,

And Im going to also prove that Bill ‐‐

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thats all well and good, but can we stop for coffee first

before we get into that?

Of course.

[ Tires squeal ]

[ Slurps ] Were almost there.

This map says the so‐called end of the Earth is in a half‐mile.

♪ This is so exciting ♪

♪ Three best friends hijacking a bus ♪

♪ And driving it off to the end of the Earth together ♪

♪ Bow‐wow‐wow ♪

[ Grunts ]

Lazor Wulf, you traitorous fool!

Why are you trying to ruin a good this?

Cause there is no ends of the Earth,

and Im going to prove it by myself.

Lazor Wulf, dont do this.

I wont believe it.

Well, you only live once, my dude. [ Slurps ]

Youve killed us! You have killed us!

Oh!

This doesnt make any sense.

How can it not be round?

Something is off.

You, Lazor Wulf, you have ruined everything!

Bye‐bye.

No!

What the [Bshh]

[ Coughs ] Hmm!

So youre the real spinna of science?

Yep. When are you going to learn

Im always going to be right even when Im wrong?

Which I never am.

I shouldve known youd be involved in this.

Im kind of honored you went through all this trouble

just to annoy me. Youre welcome.

Now, explain to me, which is it,

that you dont respect me or you just think Im dumb?

Which? Its a lot of both.

I gave you lizard people, a whole round‐Earth movement,

and even got you stealing a bus, and you still question my power.

Okay. Lets see if you can question the Cosmic Remote.

Cosmic Remote? Yes, the Cosmic Remote.

With this, the Earth can be changed into any shape.

This way, no one is right ‐‐ only me!

[ Laughs ] [ Stomach gurgles ]

I drank too much coffee, my dude.

Got the bubble guts.

All of this just to keep people

in such perpetual chaos and confusion?

Yep. Now, praise me.

Before I do that, one more question.

So that remote right there controls everything

thats happening on Earth right now?

Yep, this remote right here.

Its really expensive, and I dont make this version anymore.

Collectors item.

[ Powering down ]

Goddamn it!

Oh, what on Gods flat Earth just happened?

Same old, same old.

Just me proving I was right about something.

Read the synopsis.

Yeah, you know, its just some regular‐degular

strong‐bird‐type [Bshh] Yeah.

My name is Matilda ‐‐ Ma‐til‐da.

[ Sizzling ]

♪