Original subtitles

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ La, la la la, la‐la la la ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da da da ♪

♪ Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ♪

[ Funk plays ]

[ Bloop! ]

You telling me he couldnt catch that?

I blasted it right in his mouth!

Thats what she said.

[ Laughing ]

Yall done? Cause we down a player.

Hey, Lazor Wulf. Hey.

[sigh] Guess well just have to forfeit.

I think you missed me up there, but, I can play.

Stupid Horse, if you play,

then whos gonna wave the very important

Stupid Flag? ‐My arms are tired

and Im sick of waving [bshh]

Your boy is ready to throw some hoops!

You must be out your damn mind, my dude.

Dont touch that ball.

Look, man. We all got our lanes

and, when it comes to basketball, specifically,

you just happen to be outside of the lane.

[ Applause ] Pbbt! Outside the lanes?

Ill show you.

These balls?

These balls right here?

Will be dribbled.

[singsong] Thats what she said.

No, thats what I said.

Man, these things are so much bigger up close.

Thats what she...

You know what? Never mind.

Its not even fun no more.

Good, cause that was getting very annoying.

Look, Stupid Horse, the bottom line is

that basketball is just too dangerous for you.

Sorry, cant hear you over the sound

of all this cool Dribble Dutchin Im doin.

Ah.

This is some white‐horse [bshh]

Were gonna lose big, man.

[Bshh] it! Lets just play.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Everyone, stand back!

I got this.

I call this move...

Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs.

[ Whoosh! ] Aaaah!

My ankies!

[ Monitor beeps ] [ Poot! ]

[ Clang! ]

♪

Am I...dead?

[ Crackle! ] Ooh!

My ankies are broken!

No! My dreams of being

a professional power walker are...

Hi. [Ting!] Im God.

Say hi back to me.

‐Uh...hi. ‐Good.

So, youre about to enter a place

that was created for the corniest cornballs

and lamest lames of all creation.

A sanctuary for hopeless suckers

and basketball‐ playing spazzes

who get crossed over in pickup games.

A haven where you spend all day and all night

praisin... [chuckle]

me. Youre about to enter

[ Chimes ] Milwaukee.

Oh. Tight?

Anyway, enjoy your stay.

And, in closing, welcome to [chimes] Milwaukee.

You [bshh] live here now.

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Warbling ] Whoa!

Hey, the name is Webster, but, you know,

everybody call me Web, you know what Im saying?

I mean, they dont, but itd be real cool

if they did, though, you know what Im saying?

Anyhow, Im the mayor of Milwaukee

and Im also the assistant

cereal‐aisle manager at Mustys.

Mind you, thats only cause I turned down

a NBA contract with the Bucks.

Problem was, you know, they aint have enough bucks

to afford your boy Web, you know what Im saying?

So, I said, [bshh] that

and got a job at the drugstore.

Wow! That was your... only option?

Nah, I had options, now. [chuckle] I mean...

Jo‐Anns Fabrics wanted my ass, bad.

But Im allergic to yellow yarn and [bshh]

so, you know, I couldnt deal with that,

but, anyways, lets get these ankles of yours unbroke.

[Crackle] Aah!

Ooh!

Ah!

Heres a Welcome to the Neighborhood basket.

[Chomp!] Oh, yeah, thats dirt.

Close enough. I mean, its a garbie sandwich.

Everybody else, they like to eat dirt.

Thats some powerfully sad shit.

No long faces, pimp.

It may be hard, at first, but, eventually,

youll lower your standards and get used to it.

Ha! Thats what she said.

[ Gasp! ]

[ Clattering ]

That is the most

high‐larious joke I have ever heard

in my high‐larious life.

Outside of the stuff I be saying, you know.

Thats what she said.

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Cough ]

Thats what she said.

[ Suspenseful chord strikes ] [ Applause ]

Ha! You know what?

You aint no loser, after all.

No, youre a pretty cool dude.

You mustve had all kinda cool friends

where you come from.

[ Warbling ]

[ Tranquil tune plays ]

Im definitely an extremely talented person.

Hey, you guys remember Stupid Horse?

Cant say I do.

Oh, I mustve made him up, then.

Oh. Damn.

I think were outta cereal.

No cereal?

We cant watch "Blue Bloods,"

if we dont got no damn cereal.

Stupid Horse usually gets it.

So, he is real.

All right. So, where the hell do we get cereal?

Yeti, could you check Dorco?

[ Beeping ]

[ Ding! ] It says here that cereal comes

from the supermarket.

Theres a Mustys right downtown.

Nah, you dont wanna mess with Mustys.

Ive been to one before.

Thats where I lost my best friend,

Ralph Macchio.

So many lost homeys.

Wallace, Infinit Moscles, Slime ‐‐

[ Horn playing "La Cucaracha" ]

Yo, we cant hear you!

Were already in the car!

And now, appearing for his 17th

consecutive showing today,

the one, true, rude dude from Saskatchewan,

North Carolina, I assu‐m‐m‐me...

Stupid

Ho‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o‐rse!

♪ Thats what she said ♪

♪ Thats what she said ♪

[ Clapping ]

♪ Say, say, say, say, say ♪

♪ Say, say, say, say, say, yeah! Ha! ♪

[ Faint warbling ]

Yes! Amazin, isnt he, folks?

Hope yall having a good time. So, Stupid Horse

is about to take a 47‐minute break.

In the meantime, Im about to proceed

to fart into the microphone.

Shut the [bshh] up!

We want Cool Horse to talk!

[ Feedback whines ] You know, I really appreciate

all the love, but, you guys are all right, too.

What the [bshh] is this spinna talking bout?

Im just saying, [Poot!] everyones capable

of doing the cool things I do.

Yall can be so much more than just Milwaukeeans.

Youre telling us not to eat the dirty sammich?

You dont have to eat the dirt sandwich.

[ Clapping ]

[ Thud! ] Aah!

♪ No more ♪

♪ Dirt sandwiches, ow! ♪

Man, how in the hell was I afraid of this place?

Mustys is amazing! [ Chomp! ]

Truly is.

Stupid Horse been doing the groceries for years

and bringing home the worst cereal.

How could he skip these?

Dude is physically incapable

of having the right idea.

Whos Stupid Horse, again?

Yo, for real, for real, Imma need to know

whos paying for all this cereal.

Ralph, is that you?!

I thought you were dead!

Dead? [laughs] Heck, nah.

Im the cereal‐aisle manager

at your local Mustys.

Cereal‐aisle manager?

Wait, what? Hold on.

You stopped hanging out with me

to manage a damn cereal aisle?!

You goddamn right, I did.

This gig right here?

This gig right here?!

comes with a great healthcare package.

Damn, Daniel‐son, thats amazing.

Its really great to see you alive and well, man.

Hope you enjoy cleaning the cereal aisle.

So, Imma need yall to hold up

because yall paying for all this cereal.

Paying? Thats disgusting.

I will not be doing that.

I cant believe you, Ralph!

You used to be my most bestest friend!

How much do we owe you, Mr. Cereal‐aisle Manager?

Um...

Yo, Canon, you mind reaching

into my back pocket and grabbing that calculator?

Itd be greatly appreciated on my end.

[ Music plays faintly ]

Oh, you think you can just moonwalk outta here?!

Yall gonna put some respect

on my cereal aisle!

[ Door opens, bell chimes ]

[ Wheels squeaking ]

This aint no way to live, man.

I cant spend my life

stealing from the cereal aisle.

I aint no halfway crook.

My cereal aisle will be respected!

[ Bloop! ] So, every time we want cereal,

we gotta pay for it? That right there is a scam!

Yeah, this is stressing me out way too much.

This is Stupid Horses work.

We have to get him back from Milwaukee.

Uh, not Milwaukee.

Thats where the lames are.

If a bunch of old folks ate a gang of even older eggs

and then gathered around in an ancient circle

and held a vintage farting contest,

thats what Milwaukee smells like.

[laughs] I could do this all day, but we do gotta go.

[ Adventure music plays ]

I already hate it here. ‐Hey, you guys.

Look in the direction my hand is pointing.

I guess its too late.

Homey turned into a statue.

No, thats a Stupid Statue of a Stupid Horse.

Im Stupid Horse.

What is going on here?

I found my own circle of dudes.

And they even named me the greatest of all dudes.

The G‐o‐d. [laughs]

Ohhh!

So, you are the Stupid Horse.

Okay, well, its time to tell your stupid subjects "peace."

Lets get outta here. ‐Hell to the nah‐nah‐nah.

I kinda got a good thing going on here now.

Yeah, but we need you!

Yall just need me to get your favorite cereal,

Puffy Kombs!

Yeah, no, [bshh] Its a dangerous game

and I have no shame in admitting

that Im not about that life.

Well, sorry, gang,

but I finally found my lane.

♪ Im G‐o‐d ♪

♪ Of Milwaukee ♪

♪ Is ya with me? ♪

[chanting] G‐o‐d!

G‐o‐d!

♪ Louder ♪

We down with G‐o‐d!

G‐o‐d!

Cant hear you!

G‐o‐d!

G‐o‐d!

G‐o‐d!

Ahhhh! My ankies!

G‐o‐d! G‐o‐d!

‐Ha ha! ‐G‐o‐d!

Yo, thats what Im talking about!

Cool Horse is the new ruler of the Wauk!

‐G‐o‐d! ‐G‐o‐d!

‐G‐o‐d! ‐G‐o‐d!

G‐o‐‐!

Who dares summon me during the "Blue Bloods"?

Oh!

♪

[ Poot! ] Yo, whats up, Wallace?

Yo, whats good, Canon?

You know the homey hates being interrupted

during "Blue Bloods."

Actually, we were not calling you,

cause, see, my boy Super Cool Horse

right here, got us feeling all like good and [bshh]

so we started chanting his name all loud.

But you know, he kind of cool, like you,

but way, [chuckling] way cooler, though.

Way, way cooler.

Someone cooler than me?!

In Milwaukee?!

[ Zap! ]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

I gave you your own land, with only one requirement:

The never‐ending, ceaseless praising

of me.

And I come here to catch you praising someone else?!

[ Zap! ] [ Sniff ]

Show me the face

of this fool whom you praise.

[ Blurp! ]

Any last words,

before I beat you in the face

with my wrath?

Uh...

thats what

she said?

[ Suspenseful chord strikes ]

[ Laughing ]

That was pretty good.

See, that ‐‐ thats what Ive been

trying to tell you, man.

Thats my boy, yo.

[ Zapping ] Shut the [bshh] up, Web!

Hey, Fool Horse? Heh. You funny.

Too funny for this shit‐hole.

You have earned your freedom.

Ho‐Hold on, Stupid Horse. Now, I know you not just

gonna leave me, just hanging?

Please, please, man.

Okay, the truth is,

I really do [bshh] hate it here.

Everyone smells like fresh ear holes.

Ew.

Stupid Horse! Dont leave us here!

I mean, dont leave me here! [laughs]

This is just way, way too much

for me to take! Come on, now!

I cant take it, man! I cant take it!

[wearily] Thats what she said.

♪

♪

[ Clang, drumroll ]

♪