Original subtitles

Romantic night out, just you and me?

Yes, please.

Hugh: Andie? Josh?

Over here, guys!

Quick, out the hole.

Ahh, we should just stay and say hi.

- No, we shouldn't. - Ahh, come on.

I don't want to be rude.

Did you hear me? Come on over!

Join us!

- Hey! - Hey, hey!

Here is your carrot cotton-tail crudit�.

You guys already ordered.

You know, we don't want to impose.

Yeah, we should just--

Hugh: No, there's plenty.

- Server: Enjoy. - I'm such an idiot.

Josh, this is my girlfriend Greer.

- Oh... - She just agreed!

Oh, um, Greer and I know each other.

I can't wait to hear how!

We dated.

And you're all still friends?

That's amazing!

I haven't had many girlfriends--

zero, technically speaking--

but I would hope to continue a cordial connection

if we ever broke up-- not that I would want that!

Me either. I'm about to speak real nerd right now,

but I like you more than Prince Zardix

likes Princess Horas Valpuna.

You read the "Galaxy 3021" series. Oh, my--

So you would stop pressing and stressing,

but real talk? I liked it.

Okay, why are we still here?

We're gonna leave soon.

Hugh, you're gonna model your costume for me

before I have to jet to SUC tryouts, right?

We'll see. More like you'll see!

'Cause I'm definitely gonna show you!

With your help, I'm gonna be the best dressed

at Brayer Cosplay this weekend.

Boy: Small world!

Me and Cora are going to that, too!

Hey, blood sis.

Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

I need to pee.

Uh, ladies first.

Hey, Andie, now that Greer and I are going steady,

steady for good, do you think she's gonna want to, like, tongue kiss?

What I'm asking is,

do you think that Greer has ever...

frenched?

Frenched? Yeah, Hugh, Greer has frenched!

Unlike me, who's about to go get "frenched" right now!

- You still want to do this? - Let's get it in!

Let's just slow down for a second maybe.

My God, if we went any slower, we'd be going backwards.

So, get on your back, put the talking on mute,

go to the menu, skip stop,

and slam those digits to fast forward

to your clothes being off. Play!

Andy, hold on. Press pause for one second.

You're upset, and I think I know why.

Greer dating Hugh?

You and your cousin have always been a little--

Oh, my God, get off about me and my cousin!

That's a really weird choice of words.

God, did it take Greer this long to get into that denim?

Greer? Is that what this is about?

- This is about Greer? - It's not about Greer.

It's about the fact that you two slept together

- after how long? - That doesn't matter.

- How long? - Eight minutes.

Oh, my God!

You jumped right into bed with Greer,

but with me it takes you two years

to tell me how you felt?

And now you have two months until you leave?

Are you not as attracted to me or something?

Ands, that is so ridiculously crazy.

I'm attracted to you on such a different level.

But we've talked about this,

that we wanted this first time to be meaningful, right?

I wanted to know certain things about you.

Like, your favorite chicken? Strips.

Favorite color? Blue.

Favorite kind of music? Bad.

Look, I just want to do the right thing,

and, honestly, to me, that doesn't seem like

having sex for the first time when all you're gonna be thinking about is Greer.

What about the right thing for me, Josh?

The nice guy routine is tired and so am I.

This is my room. You leave.

Pick a good one, Andy! Come through, hot mess!

- What are you doing? No! - Let her rip it!

How am I supposed to have the most epic summer,

if I can't even have the most epic sex with my boyfriend?

Come on, tell Wynn what happened.

And the rant begins in three, two, one.

Last night, Josh and I ended up

on an accidental double date with--

Me and Greer! So much fun!

We got home, and I slung my snapper right at him,

but I got denied.

I just don't understand who denies sex

after a half a year of waiting.

All right, Tricky Lake, there's gotta be more to this story.

With Greer involved, there always is.

Fine, yeah. Greer has banged my beau,

which I would be totally cool with,

except to for the fact that I haven't yet.

I mean, Josh just cares so much about my feelings

that he doesn't care about my squealings.

Banged your beau? Greer's had sex with Josh?

- She's had sex, period? - Sex on her period?

I don't know. I mean, probably.

I've been preparing for our first tonsil hockey scrimmage.

I'm not ready for the playoffs.

Oh, God! Ugh, I am exhausted with schooling these virgins.

All right, no three-step plan.

Let's just get down to the list.

Wait, I thought we were ripping the list.

Or burning. Whichever.

I'm fine with both.

I would ask what your damage is,

but I'd miss my life.

I'm glad you asked.

I knew this list was gonna be a trigger,

and it was!

The last list item we did was number 66,

and my behavior added another six.

We upgraded kick the can

to kick... a man.

Wynn, you got it all wrong.

Number 66 isn't "kick a man."

It's "Kick it with The Man,"

as in hang out with your boss.

What? Your lingo is insane!

No one here even has a job!

You know what? I'm picking the next one,

and I pick number 273.

Plead the deed.

Not number 273.

That was the day you confessed to Principal Pleats

about me taking the rap for you.

That was the day you got expelled.

This doesn't sound very fun,

how did that make the most epic summer list?

Her not coming back to school felt epic to me.

Let's upgrade to...

...and I know just where to start.

Hugh you in-- side of me, right now?

No, not me. No.

Ooh. Ooh.

I've gotta go face Greer's sexpectations head on.

Dakota, you down?

Oh, I was gonna say no anyway,

but now I've got a real reason to. Bye!

Oh!

One on one time with one of my oldest friends?

Feels like the perfect distraction.

What's the BBBA?

Bullies, Bitches, and Bad guys...

- Anonymous! - Okay, what are we doing here?

Well, I realized that I needed help staying on track

before the list gets me in more trouble.

- For your moms? - For my moms, but also for me.

Ms. Fixler, I've been waiting for you

to come to this meeting for a long time.

You need some serious help.

I'm actually just here to support my friend.

You're about as supportive as my old C-cup.

Not very.

Welcome to today's meeting

of Bullies, Bitches, and Bad guys... Anonymous.

This isn't the Better Business Bureau?

Well, how am I supposed to dispute that complaint

about dipping my nut-- nut-- nothing.

Get the out!

What are you doing?

Who told you you look good in red?

Calm down.

Take a deep breath, say the mantra.

All: I'm not bad, I'm mad,

which makes me sad,

but underneath, I'm rad.

Amen.

Step one of the program is personal testimonies.

If you feel moved to speak, the floor is yours.

Hello, my name is Wynn,

and it turns out... I'm a bully.

- All: Hi, Wynn. - What's up, Wynn?

I'm a human thermometer.

I go from Celsius to 100 like that.

It's a problem because it gets me in pickles.

Which, sure, is a great delicious snack.

But we all know how it ends.

With diarrhea.

And that's why I'm here today. Thank you.

Wynn, you're not a bully.

Believe me, I know bullies.

Ms. Fixler, care to share with the class?

Okay. Hi, I'm Andie Fixler,

and I know a lot about bullies

because my brother is Alec Fixler.

Both: He turned us into a monster.

Yeah, and his hair is so dumb.

My brother stopped me from having

the high school love story that, honestly, I deserved.

And an old bully recently re-entered my life,

and now she's a walking reminder that I still have not

sexed my soul mate.

Andie, I found you.

Here, I got you these.

Josh, thank you.

I'm so glad you changed your mind.

Let's go bang in the closet!

- I didn't change my mind. - What?

So you just brought me flowers to be nice?

- Yeah. - Ugh.

Just what I need, more nice!

Could we talk about this in private?

You know what? No, thank you, Josh.

I don't need your good guy gardenias.

I need you to plow my garden!

Both: Nut up, son!

She can't flowers, dude!

- All right. - Girl: You look like your mom!

Ms. Fixler! You are a trigger

to everyone you encounter!

This group's regressed more than ever with your presence!

Which means we're on to step two! Go make amends!

And, Andie? Never come back.

? I used to take on the world on my own... ?

Hugh, come on! I know you didn't have dairy.

This shouldn't be taking so long.

Hugh: I changed my mind!

My cosplay costume feels... revealing.

Okay, revealing?

I did not read 52 volumes of "Galaxy 3021"

when I could have been practicing my cheerleading

just for you to pussy out at the last second.

Finally.

This doesn't arouse you, does it?

"Arouse" is not the word.

Hey, um, I got you a present.

I was reading volume 26 and I noticed

that Zardix had just a little bit...

of shimmer.

A hundo-p, I was not into cosplay,

but on you, it is super sexy.

What?

Maybe I should get a Valpuna costume and dress up with you.

Imitation dairy! Same reaction!

Oh, what?

I thought I was meeting with Skip Lunch, Sr.,

the biggest modeling agent in Brayer County,

not some 12 year old skeleton in hand-me-downs.

My dad's not taking on any new clients right now,

but I'm looking for the next big thing.

Maybe then my dad will get off my case

about how much Fanta I drink.

I have been living at the Town Center Mall,

working and twerking in front of a Spencer's Gifts,

poppin' and droppin' at Sbarro's,

shakin' and bakin' at Yankee Candle.

D knows how to move the mall like no one you've ever met.

While I don't get why a scout hasn't scooped me, I'm not gonna settle.

Seen that suit, so... boy, bye!

Dakota, wait.

You're a star.

I get tens of submissions a day,

and no one stood out to me like you.

I'm gonna ask you something you get asked

on every date you go on,

"What is it that you have to offer?"

I'll be submitting Dakota for local gigs.

I'm talking ice cream parlors,

suit emporium liquidation sales,

and our biggest employer,

Brayer Burials casket display modeling!

Well, even Tyrese was the face of Lyme disease

when he got started.

It'll be nothing but a pit stop on the way

to the Big Apple before the end of the summer.

You accomplishing your dreams reminds me of mine,

to grow up, meet someone,

have that someone have a dream,

have that someone's dream to be a model,

and have that dream come true.

I'm just happy I met someone hot enough to make it happen.

This is better than any handshake agreement

I've ever had.

Whew!

I can't believe we're on the last step

of my two-step program.

It feels like this morning it was just step one.

- It was. - Oh, ho! I am so hyped!

I've never said sorry to anyone I've wronged before.

How many wronged are you righting, exactly?

- About... - Uh-oh.

I realize it was inappropriate of me to shave your cat

simply because you said you were sneezy.

Just because you said you were desperate for sleep,

doesn't mean it was okay for me to sneak PM drug you.

Just because you said you were curious about Internet fame,

did not give me the right to make you into a meme.

I'm sorry you went viral.

I'm sorry I tricked you into eating gluten.

There are other ways to find out if you're intolerant.

I'm really glad you made it out of the coma.

Just because you wanted quiet in the library

didn't give me the right to duct-tape unwilling mouths.

Sorry I took off your husband's 'stache.

Wynn, why am I in the hot seat?

Because you're my last and most important apology.

It's why I insisted that you come to the BBBA meeting.

The whole reason I'm in that group is because of you.

Me? You've never bullied me before.

Ghosting is a form of bullying.

It's a slogan on my anti-bullying poster.

Friends don't leave friends without explanations,

which I know kind of happens to you a lot.

I'm really sorry.

Whew! Ha-ha!

Oh, I was really nervous about saying all that.

That's why I kinda went through the whole thing

with all those hobos before you.

- I can't get down. - Beat it, June!

So, do you accept my apology?

Of course.

You coming back and saving my summer

was all of the apology that I would ever need from you.

Wynn, I really missed you,

and I'm sorry if I pushed the list too hard.

Hot mess or not, you are making my summer epic.

Well, if I ever ghost you again, it's because I'm dead

and I'm haunting you for friendship.

What was that?

Josh? What are you doing here?

I've been waiting for a perfect time to give you this.

A calendar?

So you can pick a new day for our first time.

I want there to be a special day

for our special deed.

I did pick a date, Josh.

We passed it, so I'll pick a new date, okay?

Right now. Let's go bang.

Why don't we just pick a day that isn't so soon

that it feels like it's just coming out of horny anger,

but not so far away that you're gonna feel emotionally abandoned

when I go to college.

I'm tired of waiting, Josh.

So I'm gonna go to my room and start 'bating,

'cause clearly that's the only action

I'm getting out of this relationship.

And, yeah, I am masturbating.

I'm free!

Hugh, are you okay? You've been acting weird.

I mean, weirder than usual.

Oh, I'm fine.

The cosplay was just getting too intimate for Prince Zardix.

A Prince should never be pressured into intimacy ever.

I mean, Xavier Zardix doesn't even have genitals.

Okay, did I miss something in the comics?

'Cause I think I would have remembered that.

- What's wrong? - Nothing. It's nothing.

- You wouldn't understand. - No, please tell me.

You didn't understand cosplay

and you still helped me with that.

Let me try.

Okay, um, it's just that

SUC tryouts are tonight

and I-- I'm really nervous.

You're a great cheer-er.

You'll do super. Why are you second guessing yourself?

I don't know. I guess it's, like,

cheerleading is life or whatever,

but for me it just-- it kind of feels like a past one?

I'm not exactly Susie Spirit anymore, so...

Isn't cheerleading all about supporting the team?

I bet you'll be an even better cheerleader now that you're nice.

Dictionary logic. I like it.

You know what? Yeah.

Yeah! I am gonna go out there

and I am gonna be an SUC succubus.

Succubus?

The female demon that has sex with you in your sleep?

Uh, yeah-doi.com. It's SUC's mascot.

Oh, my God! Will you watch my tryout routine?

- Uh... - Hit it, Shaw!

Don't care if it's wrong or right.

Entering your end zone tonight.

Close your eyes and go to sleep.

I will score on you so deep.

"Go, fight, win," is what they say.

My defense is my vajay!

I will eat your heart.

Man, I am refreshed.

Hey, maybe next year I'll go for honor roll.

Awesome, first a sexless summer,

and now a school year of Wynn studying?

At least I have Dakota to keep some flair in my hair.

Ooh, sorry, Grumplestiltskin.

I'm a signed model now.

If you're looking for a meet and greet

in New York next year, contact my people.

They'll try to fit you in.

Hi, guys.

As if today wasn't shitty enough,

enter a walking reminder that my own boyfriend

is muzzling my muffin!

Okay! Andie said "muffin".

All right, let's go watch your favorite show,

"Four Fast Friends," reset you back to bland.

Ooh, I'm gonna leave you two to it.

I gotta go bang my BF 'cause,

bonus perks of becoming a model,

- Ruben's hornier than-- - No! Stay, Dakota!

Hugh, I made the squad.

I'm an official SUC Succubus!

I'm not prepared to penetrate yet!

- Uh, what? - Andie told me you and Josh had sex

after eight minutes, which is really fast.

And I'm not ready to yet because I'm a virgin,

but I'm scared you'll make me.

Wow. Is that really your impression of me?

You think I'm just here to pluck your duck?

I mean, I guess I get it.

It's hard not to see anything but a super hot babe

with knock-out knockers and seamless stems,

but, Hugh, I thought you of all people would.

I'm catching feels for you,

but if you don't feel the same way,

you need to let me know now.

Sorry, your my first gal pal and...

you're clearly too cool for me.

Damn, I didn't know guys could be hot and nice.

I've done hot and dumb, hot and boring,

hot and funny, which is, like, super hard to find.

I guess we're both just looking for something we've never had.

Maybe we could find it together.

I would like that.

And, Hugh, I would never pressure you

into doing something that you're not prepared to do.

I'm cool to wait until you're ready.

- Until marriage? - What? No! What?

Mmm.

Announcer on TV: Next on "Four Fast Friends"...

? Four regular Joes just doing their thing ?

? Four regular Joes, four regular Joes ?

? And they meet each other fast ?

? And soon they start to click ?

? Because four fast friends ?

What?

Josh: Andie, it's Josh.

Go away!

I don't need anymore of your niceties.

All right, listen up,

I am an all-American, Prom King-winning,

football-playing, pretty in-shape

for an 18-year-old kind of guy.

I also happen to be the kind of guy

that likes to take your photos.

I love to buy you flowers.

And I like knowing what your favorite cheese is-- string.

And I want to pick a special day for our first time.

You wanna know why?

Because I am a nice guy.

And I like that about you.

It just-- it made me feel like you didn't want me,

which in a weird way kind of made me want you more,

- and I just kind of-- - Shh.

Do you have any doubts about how much I want you?

- Unh-uh. - Let's stop talking.

? Nothing can stop me now with my four fast friends ?

Damn! My name's Soda and I am...

All: ...one sassy sidekick.

That's right!

Guys, I've got a major boy dilemma.

All: Oh, Mandy!

? Four fast friends ?

? And they're out on their own ?

? Four fast, four fast friends ?

? Nothing can stop me now ?

? With my four fast friends ?

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