Original subtitles

- Previously on Foursome.

Things got heated when my big bro

sent us to the swelter shelter.

Some spiritual awakenings were woke.

- I'm a cock.

- While others kept us wishing we were still asleep.

Something's not right.

I had no time to get clarity on my vision

because I got major chakra-ed.

Hopefully, having Kent here will recenter my aura,

or at least re-pleasure my areo-ra.

You're elbows deep in--

- Ah, that's my bag.

- Should we just try another position?

- Yeah, okay.

- Should I put my leg like this?

- Not that way.

- Wrong one!

- Sorry, sorry, unintentional.

- Ow!

- Yowza!

Leave them!

I like them!

- SO-sex.

I just had the worst boink of my life.

It's like we both forgot what goes where.

- Chin up, Wonderl-Andie.

You guys are just out of practice.

- Do you guys think it's possible

that Kent and I just lost it?

- Probably.

- I highly doubt that your sexual chemistry

has declined arbitrarily.

Immensely probable that this is due to a lack of oxytocin.

- Pill Nye, the Science Guy.

All anyone remembers from chem class

is your boy, tap and zap.

Speak English, be humble.

- Oxytocin is a hormone and neurotransmitter

released through loving, intimate interactions.

- When has science ever helped anybody?

Your book babbling ain't solving nothing.

Ugh, we need to reprogram you.

Clear your sched today.

- But I--

- Non negotiable.

Today, you're gonna be enrolling in Beach Island U,

school of changing your personality.

- Great, yeah, let's definitely revisit this later.

But right now, me time.

I'm worried that part of the reason why Kent and I

keep swinging and missing is because when we were

in the sweat lodge, my vision was all about Josh and--

- Uh-uh, quit.

I'd rather hear Peg recite a textbook from memory

than hear one more than about that pansy fool.

- Thank you.

- I'm sorry, gr-Andie jester, but Dakota's right.

You get super extra when dealing with Josh.

- Besides, your boy has a killer accent

and a body that just won't quit.

- Mm-hmm.

Plus he's the only guy who's ever stood up to Alec.

- I like all the letters in his name because they're his.

- Well, what I think what Peg was trying

but failing super hard to say earlier is that

you and Kent need to take a day to reconnect.

That way, your, uh--

- Oxytocin levels.

- Yeah, they can bounce back.

Then you and Kent can bounce back, up on it.

You are in the most romantic place in the world,

Beach Island!

Seize the day.

- You know what, you guys are right.

I'm not gonna go backwards.

the past.

Feel the future.

I'm not gonna take this lying down

because I already did that, and it did not work.

Things are about to get real romantic.

Guys.

Hello?

- Humpback whales pass by Beach Island during mating season.

Known for their majestic whale song--

- Terry!

If you tell me one more whale migration story,

I'm gonna make you sleep in the bathroom!

On to more serious matters.

Now that Peg has pulled a Benedict Arnold,

no more mister nice guy.

It's time to frame the Foursome.

- I don't know.

Peg seemed pretty sure sabotaging them was a bad idea.

- Peg, like the novel turned cinema, has become Gone Girl,

and so is her futile way of doing things.

- Great film, even better book.

- She's going to be devastated, no, Divit-stated,

when my plan prevails and I finally take down

the Foursome once and for all.

- Okey-dokey.

- We're gonna need a solid frame, perhaps based on truth.

Peg's no bozo like the rest of those clowns.

- Maybe whale watching

would give us a good idea.

- I'm more excited to proofread this paper

than when I found out male seahorses have the babies.

I mean what kind of hilarious trick of nature is that?

- Step away from the highlighter!

- Hey, it was just getting good.

- We're here to collect your admissions to Beach Island U,

as in you gonna get reprogrammed.

- Time to turn this bookworm into an earthworm.

There's a big ass world out there, and we are all about

experiencing things, not just reading about them, ugh.

- You may be able to quote a sonnet from Shakespeare's

Othello or give us the science behind a smooch,

but it's time you discovered real life, Peg.

It's time that you become you.

- Yeah.

- What she said.

- Hey, there is no need for that!

First of all, it is recyclable.

And secondly, I already agreed.

- Feelings over facts.

Let the life lessons begin.

- Wow, this is prime real estate.

- Yeah, I reserved the cabana for the two of us.

Great spot for connecting.

- There's also nobody here.

Did you reserve the whole area just for us?

- No, I just spread a rumor

that someone diarrhea-ed in the pool.

- Beauty and brains.

- Ow!

- Yeah.

Ouch.

This privacy's really good, huh?

- So rare these days.

- Yeah, cheers to that.

- Amen.

Great weather.

- Mm, great.

- It's good.

- Yeah, no, it is.

It's good weather for this kind of activity.

- Yeah.

Whew.

I'm gonna go take a dip in the pool.

- Yeah, I mean it's pretty hot out here.

- More like lukewarm.

- Hmm?

- Nothing.

Water feels great.

- Oh, yeah?

- I'm completely naked, aren't I?

- Yeah.

Yeah, you are.

Guess we're skinny dipping.

- All right, Peg, let's start with the basics

to avoid being basic.

Facts and figures are no substitute for real feelings.

- Who threw that?

- Feelings over facts, step one.

To win the gold, be bold.

Every member of the Foursome

is known for being bold and taking chances.

Dakota banged a teacher on school grounds.

- Courtney rushed the most ruthless

sorority in the world.

- Living dangerously makes you feel so alive.

- I feel most alive when I'm living as myself.

Be you, whoever that may be underneath.

- May, oh, my god.

Put your clothes on.

- I suppose your observations are correct.

I am a very risk averse individual.

Perhaps I could entertain the thought

of changing that behavior.

- Exactly.

What's something you always wanted to do

but chicken out on every time?

- I've always wanted to pierce my ears.

Tartar sauce!

Shaka Khan!

- Hey, guys, what's going on?

Girl blood.

- How do you feel?

- I feel,

I feel that being bold and taking chances

is different than being reckless with your body.

Court, guess what, you have a penis burned on your back.

Dakota, your teacher banging

is going to affect you down the line 100%.

I should have stood stronger with my convictions,

but it's a learning experience.

And for that, I am grateful.

Ugh.

I learned.

- We need something juicy,

something big, something, anything.

- I can go in as a stripper and you can take pictures

of them touching me inappropriately and show that to Slacks.

- Constance, did you see we had to share this island?

- With the bums from Brayer?

Yes, Rosamund.

Public school students are always so--

- Unwashed, I know.

- I'm sure I saw Kent Saydak.

He must regret downgrading from Stevenston to Brayer,

or as we like to call it--

- Share.

- As they're poor and have to share everything.

- Pardon, but didn't you just say "Kent Saydak"?

- Yes, he used to attend Stevenston Prep with us.

- You guys go to the Stevenston?

I heard you have a seltzer water fountain.

- Drink your mead, Terry.

Tell me more about Kent Saydak.

- No.

- I'll make it worth your while.

I'll buy you all the shrimps and drinks you like.

- Fine.

We'll stay but only because--

- Our massage was postponed,

and we love when the destitute treat the affluent.

It's bizarre.

- So bizarre.

Fun and bizarre.

- About Kent.

- Well, Kent was always a sportsman.

He played football against the commoners of--

- Brayer.

Slumming it, if you ask me.

Anyway, during a game against the Bobcats,

there was this brute who was constantly flipping his hair.

- Terry, listen.

Go on, ladies.

- Here's where it gets really succulent.

- I honestly can't decide what surprised me the most,

the fact that we were naked in public

or you showing up after the sweat lodge.

Thank you, by the way, in case I haven't already said that.

It really means a lot that you came

all the way here to be with me.

- Well, you know I'd walk 500 miles just to be

the man who walked 500 miles to meet you at your door.

- Australian band?

- Yeah, yeah, it is.

I thought you would,

don't worry.

Oh, hey, I took the liberty of ordering an appetizer.

- Yay.

- Enjoy.

You don't like oysters?

It's okay, I'll order something else.

- Oh, no, no, no.

That was probably just a bad one.

Okay.

There might be a small possibility that I don't love them,

but you do and I just wanna have something in common.

- We have things in common.

- Scary movies, I hate them, you love them.

What's next, you know?

Are you gonna tell me you hate roller coasters?

- Well, yeah, they make me nauseous.

- That was supposed to be an impossible example.

- I'll still wait in line with you though.

- That's the worst part.

- Sorry, I didn't realize

that you had such a passion for roller coasters.

If it means that much, I'll take a Dramamine.

- Then I'll know you're faking it, and it won't be as fun.

- Hey, hey, it's okay that we have different interests.

Have you ever heard that opposites attract?

- No.

- It's a law of physics.

- Keep talking.

- Well, because we have our differences,

we can teach each other new things.

For example, did you know that oysters are an aphrodisiac?

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Are they working?

- Yes, indeed, they are, Ms. Fixler.

- I'm sorry.

I just got a little freaked out.

You may be surprised to hear this

but you're my first boyfriend.

Nope, nope, I can't do it.

No, I can't do that either.

- Oh, man.

- You smell like fish.

- Feelings over facts, step two.

To go on a real date, you must first find your mate.

What revs your engine?

What shucks your clam?

Life's garbage without a solid crush.

Now don't think.

Just feel out your perfect squeeze

to build the man you wanna please.

- Hey, what,

oh, okay.

I forgot I gotta go catch a wave.

- Ugh.

I mean "no judgment."

How do you feel?

- Hmm, I feel,

I feel like this makeshift stranger

and I have no emotional connection.

Who are you, guy?

I don't know.

I feel attracted to someone when we connect

over shared interests like how exciting it is

that female kangaroos have three vaginas.

See, handsome deteriorates over time.

How will I ever find a lasting relationship

if I don't look beyond looks?

- Oh!

Oh, god!

I have never connected with someone longer than a hot beat.

Should I move on from studs to boring duds?

- Are Justin and I just cheap thrills?

Do I even know him?

- The only person I know is me.

I know her well.

She's crazy.

- I'm sorry if I crashed your trip.

I know how important your friends are to you.

I just had to make sure that everything was okay.

- What do you mean?

- I just feel like things have been

a bit weird between us lately, you know?

And not just on the phone but ever since I got here.

- Yeah, they kinda have been.

But today really made me feel a lot better about everything.

My friends are important to me but so are you,

and I'm really glad that you're here.

- Feelings over facts, step three.

Be May.

- You mean be me?

- I think she means be you, as in yourself.

Weird but enlightened.

- Part of feeling great is loving the skin you're in.

The more you show, the more you glow.

You'll ooze confidence.

And when you're confident,

you have the best life experiences.

Now that I'm free of being a clone, I'm free of clothing,

and I can show you guys who I really am.

- She's not ready.

- No.

I don't hate it.

- Ooh, delish, delight, delight.

- It's a May-over.

How do you feel?

- I feel,

I feel like I fit the standard of what you think is dressing

to impress, but I dress to impress myself, not others.

I don't wanna reveal too much to the outside world.

Anyone I want to attract

won't have anything left for their imagination.

And my female or gentleman caller is going to have a huge

imagination.

- Class dis-May.

- Hey, guys, how are you doing?

- Get out!

Don't look at me!

Close your eyes!

Use your imagination!

- One special edition coming right up.

This is gonna be the mac daddy of destruction.

- It seems a little harsh.

Maybe we should just let everything go

and sometime.

- Stevenston would be to thank.

Not even Peg will see this coming.

- We still have time to take it back.

- I thought I'm gonna get sick of saying this but I haven't.

So shut up, Terry, and run!

- Did you guys hear that?

- No.

No.

No, no.

Ugh, damn!

Being slightly less superficial

really does take the fun out of online mating.

Maybe I should finally add words to my profile.

- Hey, Court, come on out of there.

- Don't look at me!

Only know me.

- Dakota, Courtney, what gives?

Why are you acting stranger than usual?

- We tried to reprogram you but instead,

you gave us a new hard drive.

Or should I say soft drive?

Maybe it's us not living our life to the fullest.

Could banging teachers be inappropriate?

- You said it, Dakota.

I've been so focused on showing skin

that I missed out on showing what's within.

I'm just an empty shell with a forever tramp stamp.

- Courtney, you love being a part of your sorority.

That forever brand earned you an unforgettable winter break

that it will forever remind you of.

Mistakes are there to teach us.

Now what do you say?

- I'm sorry I pierced your ears without your permission?

- While the risk of infection in my lobe hole still stands,

the world didn't crumble and ear I am.

- It's a dad joke.

- It's good.

- You forced me out of my comfort zone,

an important lesson in and of itself.

And Dakota, I'm sure that teacher

taught you a valuable lesson.

Thanks to you, I've realized that perhaps I'm ready

to start dating when the right suitor presents themself.

If scantily clad clothes or first day third base

is what works for your life,

then you do what makes you happy.

- Aw, Peg!

Being exactly who you are is what the foursome is all about.

We did teach you something after all.

- You spoke from your heart and not from a textbook.

You aren't a robot after all.

- May!

- Now I'm off to do what makes me feel

the most dangerous, the most alive,

grammar corrections.

Dakota, Courtney, May, come quick!

- What's wrong?

Was there a run-on sentence?

Did someone start a paragraph with but?

- No, it's a special edition

Beach Island Brayer Bulletin exclusive.

- Ex-Stevenston jock, Kent Saydak,

bags Brayer's own Andie Fixler to scorn rival Alec Fixler.

- What?

- Read the article.

- After losing to Alec Fixler in the state championship,

transfer student Kent Saydak moved to Brayer

after taking a vow--

- To take down longtime rival Alec Fixler by--

- Taking his most prized possession,

his sister, Andie Fixler, by--

- Taking her virtue.

- Written by V. ITDI.

V. ITDI is an anagram of Divit.

This must be Divit's doing.

- He writes for the Beach newspaper?

- No, don't you see

that this is the Bulletin, not the beach?

This is a calculated and diabolical move by our nemesis.

- Do you think it's true?

- What does this mean?

Did Kent come to Brayer because of Alec?

- He couldn't have done that.

It's despicable!

- Deplorable!

- Diabolical.

People are capable of terrible things.

- So should we tell Andie?

- No!

- We need to know the truth first.

- Hey, sorry if you guys were worried.

Kent and I spent the...

Okay, why is everyone acting so weird?

- We're not acting weird.

- I'm doing a crossword puzzle, and I'm not done yet.

- Andie!

- Come on, Andie!

- Are you okay?

- We're worried about you.

- Andie, please, let's talk about this.

- Josh?

? I've waited for you, babe

? I played it by the rules

? I can't wait another day

? I can't afford to lose

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