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1
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:15,081
High school's like a good selfie
2
00:00:15,114 --> 00:00:16,582
Sure, you can do it
on your own,
3
00:00:16,615 --> 00:00:17,917
but if you really want to crush it,
4
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:20,219
you have to surround yourself
with your best friends.
5
00:00:20,252 --> 00:00:22,221
These are mine.
6
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:23,756
Imogen... we're next-door neighbors,
7
00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:25,758
and this is her first year
of public school.
8
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:28,094
She's adjusting.
9
00:00:28,127 --> 00:00:29,595
Courtney, my brother's girlfriend...
10
00:00:29,628 --> 00:00:30,930
she shouldn't even be here.
11
00:00:30,963 --> 00:00:34,267
She graduated last year,
but can't seem to stay away.
12
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,602
Dakota... his advice is top-notch,
13
00:00:36,635 --> 00:00:39,605
and he's the gayest
straight shooter at Brayer.
14
00:00:39,638 --> 00:00:42,108
And Andie... me,
15
00:00:42,141 --> 00:00:43,776
just trying
to land a boyfriend.
16
00:00:43,809 --> 00:00:46,612
before I graduate.
17
00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:49,615
This is my foursome...
18
00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:51,484
the nonsexual kind.
19
00:01:04,663 --> 00:01:07,133
Ew.
20
00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:09,769
- Oh.
21
00:01:09,802 --> 00:01:12,572
Aah!
22
00:01:20,312 --> 00:01:23,449
Alec? God, you're like
an abstinence umbrella
23
00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:25,819
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you, little sis.
24
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:30,423
Okay, the only thing
that scares me
25
00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:32,692
is your hyper-focus
on my relationship status.
26
00:01:32,725 --> 00:01:35,228
I swear to God, if it even
reads "it's complicated"--
27
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:38,731
- Babe!
- Hey, babe.
28
00:01:38,764 --> 00:01:40,834
- Mm, mm!
- Ew.
29
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:03,489
Hey! Little sis!
30
00:02:03,522 --> 00:02:05,758
- Stop.
Courtney, we're not related.
31
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:07,927
- Andie, I've been dating
your brother, like, forever,
32
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,629
and I've known you
since braces.
33
00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:10,897
We're basically blood twins.
34
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,732
- I don't even know
what that means.
35
00:02:12,765 --> 00:02:15,234
- Andie, the top looks a little,
uh, low-cut, don't you think?
36
00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:16,936
Looks like
you're asking for it.
37
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,704
- I am asking for it, Alec.
38
00:02:18,737 --> 00:02:20,173
- What?
39
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:21,774
- Babe, she looks
adorable, okay?
40
00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:23,576
Just leave her alone.
41
00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:25,478
- No, Alec,
what are you doing?
42
00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:27,213
Stop.
- All the staple removers--
43
00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:30,616
Alec.
44
00:02:30,649 --> 00:02:32,385
It's because he cares.
45
00:02:36,255 --> 00:02:37,690
- It's a good look,
kiddo.
46
00:02:39,425 --> 00:02:43,696
"Kiddo"?
47
00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,199
- Got it.
Camel toe epidemic--
48
00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:48,568
are high-waisted pants
really to blame?
49
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,436
What do you think?
50
00:02:50,469 --> 00:02:52,238
Think this'll be
a good segment for our show?
51
00:02:52,271 --> 00:02:53,839
- W-w-wait. I know I've only
been in school for one month,
52
00:02:53,872 --> 00:02:55,541
but there's already
an epidemic?
53
00:02:55,574 --> 00:02:59,545
Okay, okay, okay, where do
I find the camel toe pamphlets?
54
00:02:59,578 --> 00:03:01,214
In the Nurse's.
I will go get one.
55
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,216
- Take it easy, Homeschooled.
56
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:04,784
Camel toes
aren't contagious...
57
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:07,553
although your pants
would beg to differ.
58
00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:11,224
Well, I am totally
sister-zoned.
59
00:03:11,257 --> 00:03:12,525
Guys!
60
00:03:12,558 --> 00:03:13,993
Guys, guys.
61
00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:16,262
Alec has made it, like,
completely impossible
62
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:17,863
for me to get any play
until I graduate.
63
00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:19,298
You know
what was happening to me
64
00:03:19,331 --> 00:03:20,700
when I was walking
down the hallway today?
65
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:22,735
I was giving DSEs to, like,
every single guy I saw--
66
00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:24,570
- District state elections.
67
00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:27,273
both: No.
- No, Google it, Homeschooled.
68
00:03:27,306 --> 00:03:29,909
- It's like Alec thinks it's
his responsibility to protect me
69
00:03:29,942 --> 00:03:32,912
ever since our dad left,
which, unfortunately for me,
70
00:03:32,945 --> 00:03:34,780
means invoking
the Bro Code--
71
00:03:34,813 --> 00:03:37,984
you know, like, bros before hos,
except I'll never be a ho
72
00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,885
because of my bro,
and I'm gonna die a virgin.
73
00:03:39,918 --> 00:03:42,755
- Actually, my mom says
that hoes are also garden tools.
74
00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:44,824
So, if somebody ever calls
you that, you can be like,
75
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:47,293
"Oh, well, thank you for
appreciating my green thumb."
76
00:03:47,326 --> 00:03:49,795
- Andie, I'm sorry.
I really can't with this one.
77
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:51,330
I really can't.
- Dakota, Dakota.
78
00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:52,798
- I can't. I can't.
- Dakota...
79
00:03:52,831 --> 00:03:54,767
Imogen is one of us now.
80
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,435
She's one
of my oldest friends,
81
00:03:56,468 --> 00:03:57,870
and I promised her mom
I'd look out for her.
82
00:03:57,903 --> 00:03:59,972
Back to the real issue.
I'm sister-zoned.
83
00:04:00,005 --> 00:04:01,907
And did I even mention
that Alec
84
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:04,277
totally embarrassed me
in front of Josh today?
85
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,979
- Honey, how many times are
we gonna have this discussion?
86
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:09,782
All right, Josh is a Furby
in an arcade claw machine.
87
00:04:09,815 --> 00:04:11,851
You have to get through some
of those wack, disgusting,
88
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:14,854
irrelevant stuffed animals
before you can get that Furby.
89
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,857
- Yes, and, plus,
he's Alec's best friend.
90
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,793
I mean, how would you feel
if somebody tried to date me?
91
00:04:20,826 --> 00:04:22,695
- Imogen,
it's not the same thing.
92
00:04:22,728 --> 00:04:23,996
- I'm dateabl--
- No.
93
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:25,331
No, not the same thing.
94
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:26,866
Andie, look...
95
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:29,368
All right, so Josh and Alec
aren't really the problem.
96
00:04:29,401 --> 00:04:30,870
The problem is you.
97
00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:33,839
I mean, you go full lemon face
around the male species.
98
00:04:33,872 --> 00:04:35,408
- It's not my fault.
99
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,576
Josh is the only guy
that Alec lets me talk to,
100
00:04:37,609 --> 00:04:39,745
and I can barely form
a sentence around him.
101
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:41,881
He's just so cute,
102
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:44,016
and he's different
than Alec's other friends.
103
00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:45,751
Josh is just so--
104
00:04:45,784 --> 00:04:48,587
- Josh is what?
105
00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:51,590
- Giving me a ride home
from--from band camp,
106
00:04:51,623 --> 00:04:52,925
from band camp, yeah.
107
00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:55,361
both: Band camp.
- Yeah.
108
00:04:55,394 --> 00:04:56,796
- You don't play
an instrument.
109
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,597
- I know. That's why
I need band camp.
110
00:04:58,630 --> 00:04:59,865
- Cool.
111
00:04:59,898 --> 00:05:01,467
- By the way,
doesn't "going to college"
112
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,336
mean you occasionally
have to attend class?
113
00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,771
- Actually, that's the opposite
of what being in college means.
114
00:05:05,804 --> 00:05:07,807
Besides, you guys,
we're a foursome.
115
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,076
If I was always in class, we
wouldn't be a foursome anymore.
116
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,078
We'd be, like, a threesome
and a "onesome."
117
00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:15,448
- Hey, hey, Courtney,
yeah, we were a foursome,
118
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,083
but, you know,
people get older.
119
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:18,651
You know, things change,
120
00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:20,953
and, you know, older people
go away to college.
121
00:05:20,986 --> 00:05:23,122
- No, no, older people maintain
their friendships
122
00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:24,657
'cause it helps
with longevity.
123
00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:26,826
- No, we're talking
about how your boyfriend
124
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,828
is making it impossible
for Andie to land a date.
125
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,663
- Don't blame Alec, okay?
126
00:05:30,696 --> 00:05:31,997
If Andie wants to cruise,
127
00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:34,734
she needs to become
forbidden fruit...
128
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:38,504
you know, like, a star fruit
or a kiwi or a jackfruit.
129
00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,139
- Like Adam and Eve.
130
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:41,841
- Lightbulb!
131
00:05:41,874 --> 00:05:45,010
Andie, we will get a college guy
to come to Brayer
132
00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,113
and pretend to be
your boyfriend.
133
00:05:47,146 --> 00:05:50,850
And then, bam, all the boys
at Brayer are now noticing you
134
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:53,018
as someone else's property.
135
00:05:53,051 --> 00:05:55,521
Come on, let's see
what we're working with here.
136
00:05:55,554 --> 00:05:58,124
Okay, we definitely need
to show some more ta-tas!
137
00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:00,025
- No, no.
- Put those babies up!
138
00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:01,927
- Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
139
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:06,599
I would say I should've knocked,
but this is my classroom.
140
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,534
Andie, what gives?
141
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,903
I gave you the keys to the media
room for "Cup O'Brayer."
142
00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:12,905
Did I make a mistake?
- No, Mr. Shaw.
143
00:06:12,938 --> 00:06:14,140
We were just editing
a segment--
144
00:06:16,942 --> 00:06:19,578
I don't need to hear
the details, all right?
145
00:06:19,611 --> 00:06:22,915
What I do need is for y'all
not to ditch class
146
00:06:22,948 --> 00:06:25,084
and then come in
and hang out in here,
147
00:06:25,117 --> 00:06:26,819
because it comes
back to me.
148
00:06:26,852 --> 00:06:29,422
- Uh, Steve?
- Dakota...
149
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:32,024
I've asked you repeatedly.
Don't call me Steve.
150
00:06:32,057 --> 00:06:33,626
Uh, Courtney.
151
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,828
- Courtney, come on,
you know the drill.
152
00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:38,564
- But, Mr. Shaw,
these are my friends.
153
00:06:38,597 --> 00:06:41,167
- If you don't go to school
here, you can't hang out here.
154
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,802
- Mm-hmm.
You know who else
155
00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:44,437
hangs around
schools they don't attend?
156
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,672
Pedophiles.
157
00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:50,609
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
158
00:06:50,642 --> 00:06:52,812
- I texted you at noon
and never heard back.
159
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,480
I know, baby.
I was in school.
160
00:06:54,513 --> 00:06:55,815
Right.
161
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:57,950
Duh.
162
00:07:00,853 --> 00:07:02,988
It's just--
you posted this pic of you
163
00:07:03,021 --> 00:07:05,825
and two freshmen
butter faces.
164
00:07:05,858 --> 00:07:07,993
- Oh, right.
Right, right, right, yeah.
165
00:07:08,026 --> 00:07:10,996
Um, Mrs. Patel
was totally on my nuts.
166
00:07:11,029 --> 00:07:12,231
She took my phone.
167
00:07:12,264 --> 00:07:13,833
- That is so annoying.
168
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:16,469
- Yeah, it's annoying.
169
00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:21,674
- I just want to make sure
I'm getting this right.
170
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,676
Mrs. Patel posted your pic,
171
00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:27,046
and Mrs. Patel captioned it
"me and my main hos"?
172
00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:28,881
- You know, Court,
I only have ten minutes
173
00:07:28,914 --> 00:07:30,082
before practice, baby,
174
00:07:30,115 --> 00:07:31,717
and I chose to spend
this time with you.
175
00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,586
You know,
I want to make it special.
176
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:35,120
- I know, babe. It's just--
I feel like I'm telling
177
00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:36,822
you something,
and you're not really listening
178
00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:38,190
to what I'm saying.
- You know what, Courtney?
179
00:07:38,223 --> 00:07:40,593
Did you IUD release
an extra dose of estrogen?
180
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,561
Because
you're being crazy!
181
00:07:42,594 --> 00:07:43,762
That happened twice,
and you promised
182
00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:45,064
you wouldn't
bring it up again.
183
00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:46,599
- I can't deal with this
right now, Court.
184
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,501
I got to go to practice.
I cannot deal with this.
185
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:50,035
- You don't get to pick
when we're done talking, babe.
186
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:52,771
I have more to say.
I love you, babe!
187
00:07:52,804 --> 00:07:56,041
It's cool, everybody.
We're cool.
188
00:07:56,074 --> 00:07:57,510
Hey.
189
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,078
- Hey, Andie.
- Hey, unlock it.
190
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,846
- Just don't--
Okay, just don't--
191
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:02,715
just don't press the door
when I'm doing it.
192
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,950
Just stop--If you just
don't pull the door--
193
00:08:04,983 --> 00:08:07,286
Just one second.
Take your hand off the knob.
194
00:08:07,319 --> 00:08:09,722
Okay, cool.
195
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:12,525
God, your brother is being
such a chode.
196
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,628
I'm busy. I don't have to spend
all my time at Brayer, you know,
197
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,129
but--but men have needs.
198
00:08:17,162 --> 00:08:18,797
I'm basically his genie.
199
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:20,299
I made an exception
for your brother,
200
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:22,134
because I developed,
like, hella early,
201
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:24,003
and I cougared it for him
because I thought he could be--
202
00:08:24,036 --> 00:08:27,006
- Hey, Courtney, sorry, sorry,
but are you taking me home now?
203
00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:29,275
- No. Remember?
Fake boyfriend.
204
00:08:31,076 --> 00:08:32,244
- No, no, no, no.
- Courtney, I don't want to--
205
00:08:32,277 --> 00:08:34,113
- This is both important
and fun.
206
00:08:36,114 --> 00:08:39,151
It's on
like "Donkey Kong."
207
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,590
- Are you sure
they're gonna show?
208
00:08:44,623 --> 00:08:46,992
- Stop fidgeting.
They're Beta Delta Psi pledges.
209
00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:49,695
Of course they're gonna show.
They totally owe me.
210
00:08:49,728 --> 00:08:51,163
- Why?
211
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:54,567
Let's just say
they don't let virgins rush.
212
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,804
Pledges, good evening.
213
00:08:58,837 --> 00:09:01,574
Thank you all so much
for being here with us tonight.
214
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:04,910
Hello, Courtney.
215
00:09:04,943 --> 00:09:07,346
- Our big brothers told us if we
didn't come, we'd get paddled.
216
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:08,781
- That's true.
217
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:11,717
Gentlemen,
it has been an incredible
218
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:14,287
two minutes
here in my dorm room.
219
00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:19,892
But I only have one rose
to hand out.
220
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:24,029
After this, all but one of you
will be going home.
221
00:09:24,062 --> 00:09:26,732
I wish you all the best.
222
00:09:26,765 --> 00:09:30,603
And without further ado,
here's Andie.
223
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:34,640
- I'm here today to--
- Louder, Andie!
224
00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:37,943
- I'm here today to pick one
of you to be my fake boyfriend!
225
00:09:37,976 --> 00:09:40,646
- Uh, even though we're playing
your fake boyfriend,
226
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,381
you're gonna us
for real, right?
227
00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:46,118
- Bachelor Number Three...
228
00:09:46,151 --> 00:09:47,920
- Blondes.
229
00:09:47,953 --> 00:09:49,855
- As my fake boyfriend,
230
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:52,124
you'll be kissing me
on the mouth.
231
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:54,793
I mean--I mean,
we'll have a kiss,
232
00:09:54,826 --> 00:09:56,662
share--share a kiss.
233
00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:59,665
Bachelor Number Two...
234
00:09:59,698 --> 00:10:02,668
what do you do to prep
before a kiss?
235
00:10:02,701 --> 00:10:04,269
- I like to fluff my stuff,
236
00:10:04,302 --> 00:10:05,170
so that when I lean
up against you,
237
00:10:05,203 --> 00:10:08,007
you can really feel
what I'm packing.
238
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,242
- Oh, that's thoughtful.
239
00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:11,777
- Do you even go here?
240
00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,746
- No, I'm a townie,
241
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,080
but I can get
you guys beer.
242
00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:17,182
- Bachelor Number Two, get!
243
00:10:17,215 --> 00:10:19,218
- Okay, I'm going.
Jeez.
244
00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:21,020
- Courtney,
who are these guys?
245
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,656
Does everyone act like this?
Because I am not ready for this.
246
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,990
- You need to ask them
something sexy.
247
00:10:25,023 --> 00:10:28,093
- Okay, uh, sexy.
Okay.
248
00:10:28,126 --> 00:10:29,762
Boxers or briefs?
249
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,397
- Boxers.
250
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:34,767
- Briefs.
- Commando.
251
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,935
- Oh, my God, okay.
252
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:39,772
- Will the three bachelors
who just dropped their pants
253
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,940
please get out of here?
254
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,781
And now
for the final rose...
255
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:52,284
Andie, when you're ready,
select your suitor.
256
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:55,688
- It's, uh, pretty much just me,
so makes it easy.
257
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,891
- Yeah, so,
Bachelor Number One, Eric,
258
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:00,359
before you accept this rose,
259
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:02,261
we're gonna be kissing
in front of a lot of people,
260
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,697
so I need to know
I can trust you.
261
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:12,471
- Okay, I will see you
tomorrow, girlfriend.
262
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:22,314
- Andie, I cannot believe you're
gonna kiss a complete stranger.
263
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:25,317
I mean, what about cold sores?
What if Alec sees him kiss you?
264
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:27,186
Oh, my God,
he's gonna kill him.
265
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:29,021
- Thanks for
your concern, Imogen,
266
00:11:29,054 --> 00:11:31,190
but Courtney promised this would
get me out of the sister-zone.
267
00:11:31,223 --> 00:11:33,025
So, if you could please
stop talking
268
00:11:33,058 --> 00:11:36,195
about mouth herpes and homicide,
I'd really appreciate it.
269
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,397
- Who's that?
270
00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:40,866
- So mature.
271
00:11:40,899 --> 00:11:43,769
- I wouldn't kick him out of bed
for eating biscuits.
272
00:11:47,405 --> 00:11:51,343
- This is my girlfriend.
273
00:11:59,484 --> 00:12:01,253
Whoa.
274
00:12:01,286 --> 00:12:03,889
I can't believe
that actually worked.
275
00:12:03,922 --> 00:12:06,225
- Aah!
- Alec!
276
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:09,094
- Get off Alec's sister!
- She's just a kid, you perv!
277
00:12:09,127 --> 00:12:11,330
- Oh, my God.
Alec, get off of him!
278
00:12:13,064 --> 00:12:14,466
- This was not worth it!
279
00:12:14,499 --> 00:12:17,336
- Hey! That's my sister
you're talking about!
280
00:12:19,971 --> 00:12:21,140
- What's going on?
281
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,042
- Just my brother
ruining my life.
282
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:26,445
- Mm.
Yeah, I saw.
283
00:12:26,478 --> 00:12:27,980
Here's a helpful hint.
284
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,315
Maybe don't make out
with guys at school.
285
00:12:30,348 --> 00:12:32,952
I'm just joking, kiddo.
286
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,158
- I am seriously
in a worse situation now
287
00:12:39,191 --> 00:12:40,492
than when we started.
288
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,828
Now every guy will know
what will happen to them
289
00:12:42,861 --> 00:12:45,831
if come near me,
and that was just for a kiss.
290
00:12:45,864 --> 00:12:47,499
Imagine second base.
291
00:12:47,532 --> 00:12:49,835
- Ugh.
- I try not to.
292
00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:51,270
I saw my mom get
a mammogram once,
293
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:53,005
and it basically scarred me
for life.
294
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:55,841
- Okay.
Guys, be honest.
295
00:12:55,874 --> 00:12:58,577
I'm not totally
unfortunate-looking, right?
296
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,179
I mean, I have highlights,
297
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:02,214
and I think I look
pretty good in jeans,
298
00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:04,550
and I'm a classy amount
of easy and--
299
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,218
- Andie...
300
00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:08,921
I think I have something
that's gonna help.
301
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,590
- Uh, phone number
or credit card.
302
00:13:11,623 --> 00:13:13,058
Are we gonna go shopping?
303
00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:14,560
You guys,
we might go shopping.
304
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:17,062
- Andie,
choose a color.
305
00:13:17,095 --> 00:13:18,897
- Green?
306
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,399
- G-R-E-E-N.
307
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:22,067
Pick a number.
308
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,436
- Four.
- One, two, three, four.
309
00:13:26,304 --> 00:13:28,240
Okay, Andie...
310
00:13:28,273 --> 00:13:29,474
pick one.
311
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:39,251
Will Andie get
a boyfriend?
312
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,591
No, sorry, Andie.
313
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:47,059
- Well, that was helpful.
314
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:49,127
- Actually, you know what,
you guys?
315
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,029
I think the Cootie Catcher's
premonition is for the best,
316
00:13:51,062 --> 00:13:53,298
because 98%
of high-school relationships
317
00:13:53,331 --> 00:13:56,301
end in a messy breakup
or teen pregnancy.
318
00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:59,137
- Thanks for trying, Imogen,
but I'm gonna go home now
319
00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:01,306
and accept the fact
that until I graduate,
320
00:14:01,339 --> 00:14:04,376
I'm wearing a chastity belt that
only my brother has the key to.
321
00:14:06,444 --> 00:14:09,215
I know that sounded gross.
322
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:14,152
- Do either of you guys
want to know your future?
323
00:14:14,185 --> 00:14:16,455
both: No.
324
00:14:21,526 --> 00:14:23,362
- Alec.
325
00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:25,664
Alec.
326
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:27,966
Alec's in this too.
327
00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:29,201
Hey, girl.
328
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:30,636
- He's in every single picture.
329
00:14:30,669 --> 00:14:33,672
- Andie, are you still
stalking Josh?
330
00:14:33,705 --> 00:14:35,374
Maybe.
331
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:37,676
Andie, look, I know you've had
a real poodle of a week,
332
00:14:37,709 --> 00:14:39,111
but I'm not gonna
let you give up
333
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:40,545
on the mess that is dating
in high school.
334
00:14:40,578 --> 00:14:43,215
I mean, every girl deserves
at least a chance.
335
00:14:43,248 --> 00:14:46,251
- Dakota, I'm tired.
I don't want to play anymore.
336
00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:47,519
- You haven't even asked me
337
00:14:47,552 --> 00:14:49,187
if I had a plan to fix
your whole situation.
338
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:50,489
- Not interested.
339
00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:54,192
- Wow, and I thought
we were the closest.
340
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:56,962
What do you have in mind?
341
00:14:56,995 --> 00:15:00,465
- All right,
I'll need an hour, and, uh...
342
00:15:00,498 --> 00:15:03,235
yeah, you'll definitely
need to shave.
343
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:10,108
All right, Andie,
let's do this.
344
00:15:10,141 --> 00:15:12,411
Let's make love
to the camera.
345
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:14,012
- Dakota,
what the actual--
346
00:15:14,045 --> 00:15:15,247
- We're changing
the conversation.
347
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,115
- By filming me
having sex?
348
00:15:17,148 --> 00:15:19,117
I'm not exactly down
with that, Dakota.
349
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:20,452
- No, no, no, Andie.
350
00:15:20,485 --> 00:15:22,154
What we're gonna do is,
351
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:24,156
you know, we're gonna take
some sexy photos,
352
00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:27,292
doll you up,
really fix all of this,
353
00:15:27,325 --> 00:15:29,127
and then, um...
354
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,963
give them to Josh.
355
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,297
- No, Dakota.
356
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,333
Absolutely not.
We are not doing that.
357
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:36,468
Come on, Andie.
Come on, strip.
358
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,737
- Stop. No, Dakota,
this is stupid.
359
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:40,439
You know what's stupid, Andie?
360
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:42,140
That you don't even realize
that you're the best
361
00:15:42,173 --> 00:15:43,642
and any guy would be lucky
to hang out with you.
362
00:15:43,675 --> 00:15:45,143
- Dakota...
363
00:15:45,176 --> 00:15:46,478
- Who became my only friend
in four years?
364
00:15:46,511 --> 00:15:48,180
Me.
365
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:50,015
- Who cheered me up when I did
not have a homecoming date?
366
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,316
- Me.
367
00:15:51,349 --> 00:15:53,185
- And who pretended to be
my preggo girlfriend
368
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,020
just to prank my mom?
- Me.
369
00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:57,189
- Andie, you are a gorgeous
and amazing person,
370
00:15:57,222 --> 00:15:59,358
and it sucks you need a guy
to validate that.
371
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:01,193
- Me.
- No.
372
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:03,395
No response on that one.
373
00:16:03,428 --> 00:16:05,130
All right, Andie, look,
374
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,032
the reason I wanted to take
these pictures
375
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:08,567
isn't for someone's
spank bank.
376
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,203
It's to show you
how sexy, independent,
377
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:12,537
and Beyonc๏ฟฝ you are,
378
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,039
because until you see it,
379
00:16:14,072 --> 00:16:15,574
how can you expect
anyone else to?
380
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:17,542
Come on,
please, Andie?
381
00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:19,378
Please?
- Fine.
382
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,380
- Yes.
All right, let's do this.
383
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:24,383
All right, Andie, pose for me.
Pose for me.
384
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:26,785
Come on, now, lick those paws.
385
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:29,521
Where is your milk,
Mrs. Kitty Cat?
386
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:31,590
Yes, Andie.
387
00:16:34,192 --> 00:16:35,761
- Bite the ruler.
Bite the ruler.
388
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,462
Ooh, I love it. I love it.
389
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:38,764
Give me some rolls
on the bed.
390
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,767
Give me some rolls.
I need some rolls.
391
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,602
Oh, oh!
You're at the beach now.
392
00:16:43,635 --> 00:16:44,803
Okay.
393
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:53,478
- Ooh, you're bad.
You're so bad.
394
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,514
Come on, spin for me, Andie.
Spin.
395
00:16:57,782 --> 00:17:00,285
Spin like a dreidel, Andie.
396
00:17:03,154 --> 00:17:05,323
- Oh, oh, wow.
You took that literally.
397
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:09,561
Come on, let me help you.
One, two, three.
398
00:17:12,497 --> 00:17:14,166
- Okay.
399
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,168
Okay.
Okay, I'll admit it.
400
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,502
That was actually pretty fun,
401
00:17:17,535 --> 00:17:20,639
and I look
Smokey the Bear hot in these.
402
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:23,341
But, Dakota,
you will be burning them.
403
00:17:23,374 --> 00:17:25,077
No one can see them.
404
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:26,678
- Andie, come on,
my camera's digital.
405
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:28,346
Burning it
would be impractical.
406
00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:30,582
- Dakota.
- Fine.
407
00:17:30,615 --> 00:17:32,350
Fine, fine.
Look, they're deleted.
408
00:17:32,383 --> 00:17:33,685
See?
- Okay.
409
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:36,354
Well, these
you can actually burn.
410
00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:38,690
I'll just hold on
to these.
411
00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:40,692
- No. No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
412
00:17:40,725 --> 00:17:43,195
These are mine, in case I need
to bring these back up
413
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:45,363
and show you
what you're capable of.
414
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:46,832
Fine.
415
00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,533
Even if no one sees
these pictures,
416
00:17:48,566 --> 00:17:50,268
it made me feel
a whole lot better.
417
00:17:50,301 --> 00:17:53,171
- Oh, Andie, anytime.
418
00:17:53,204 --> 00:17:56,208
- Where are you going?
Hot date?
419
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,742
- Let me tell you something.
420
00:17:57,775 --> 00:17:59,411
Whoever invented ManKitty
421
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:01,680
is literally
the Bill Gates of gays.
422
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:05,384
All righty, Dakota's
about to go get some.
423
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,166
- REPEAT OF LAST NIGHT?
- MINUS THE KISSING COUSINS ROLE PLAY.
424
00:18:13,191 --> 00:18:14,159
- Oh!
- Sorry.
425
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:15,727
- Oh.
- Sorry, man.
426
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,597
- Oh, wow. You're harder
than you look, Annie Leibovitz.
427
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:21,366
I like that in a man.
428
00:18:21,399 --> 00:18:23,368
- Thanks, Dakota.
429
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:33,145
Yo, Josh, you here?
430
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:35,614
I'm taking a deuce,
so just chill in my room.
431
00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:39,551
Yeah. Yeah, that
sounds good, man.
432
00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:45,423
- Wow.
433
00:18:45,456 --> 00:18:46,825
- Oh.
434
00:18:46,858 --> 00:18:48,560
Oh, hey.
435
00:18:48,593 --> 00:18:50,762
- What's going on in here?
- What, this?
436
00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:52,497
- Yeah.
- Oh, um...
437
00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:54,166
it's for a play.
438
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,700
- Uh...
- Uh-huh.
439
00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:57,903
"The Count
of Summer Cristo's Dream."
440
00:18:57,936 --> 00:19:00,839
- Is it, like,
a '70s porn theme kind of deal?
441
00:19:00,872 --> 00:19:02,207
'Cause--
442
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,675
Wow.
Nice--nice whip.
443
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,477
- No, no, no, that was--
that was a pillow.
444
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:07,212
- You sure?
I've seen a whip before.
445
00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:08,914
That's--that is
definitely a whip.
446
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,549
- Just--
Those are pillows.
447
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:12,350
Um, no, it's--
The theme's abstract.
448
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:15,387
It's just
my interpretation.
449
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,855
- Okay.
450
00:19:16,888 --> 00:19:19,257
Good luck with that.
451
00:19:19,290 --> 00:19:20,759
- Thanks.
452
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,795
- I'm just gonna
double-check here.
453
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,297
Are you--are you good?
454
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,399
- Me? Yeah.
No. Yeah, I'm fine.
455
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:28,900
Why?
456
00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:31,403
- I don't know. You brought
that guy to school today.
457
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,405
You're dressed
in kitty stockings,
458
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:36,274
and, you know, your room looks
like Jenna Jameson's sex lair,
459
00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:39,211
so I feel like that warranted
a "you good?"
460
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:40,912
- Oh, yeah, I get that.
Totally makes sense.
461
00:19:40,945 --> 00:19:44,282
Um, no, I'm fine.
Today was just really weird.
462
00:19:44,315 --> 00:19:47,986
Courtney had this plan,
and play rehearsal ran late.
463
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:50,288
But to answer
your question thoroughly,
464
00:19:50,321 --> 00:19:53,592
yes, I'm good.
465
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:55,327
I'm great.
466
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,928
- Josh, is that you?
467
00:19:56,961 --> 00:19:58,930
I'm--I'm just finishing--
468
00:19:58,963 --> 00:20:01,233
- Uh, you look great.
See you later, Andie.
469
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,968
- Nice!
470
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,970
Yo, come in here, man.
471
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:06,805
- Whoo.
472
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:18,650
All right,
so not much has changed.
473
00:20:18,683 --> 00:20:20,685
Guys are still repelled by me
because of Alec,
474
00:20:20,718 --> 00:20:23,355
but I can't help but look
at the bright side.
475
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,990
Josh didn't call me "kiddo,"
476
00:20:25,023 --> 00:20:28,693
and if that can change,
who knows what's next?
477
00:20:28,726 --> 00:20:29,828
- Hey.
- Hey.
478
00:20:29,861 --> 00:20:32,831
- Hey.
- Hey. You seem chipper.
479
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:35,000
- Did you get eight hours
of sleep? Crucial.
480
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,369
- Did you take an upper instead
of your PMS pills?
481
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:39,271
I hate that,
but I love it.
482
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:42,674
- No, I've just been thinking,
my brother graduates in a year,
483
00:20:42,707 --> 00:20:44,542
and after that,
all of the boys at Brayer
484
00:20:44,575 --> 00:20:47,045
will get tired of hooking up
with the same old sloppy seconds
485
00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:49,414
and have no other choice.
486
00:20:49,447 --> 00:20:51,283
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
487
00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:57,922
I'm the last-resort
cherry on this ice cream sundae.
488
00:20:57,955 --> 00:20:59,591
See you later,
sister-zone.
489
00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:03,762
- Don't look
at my sister!
490
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:09,000
- Well, there's always college.
491
00:21:14,639 --> 00:21:16,941
- Don't talk to my sister!
492
00:21:16,974 --> 00:21:18,943
I'm an animal!
493
00:21:18,993 --> 00:21:23,543
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Afrikaans
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