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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:04,338
‐ ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:08,709
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:12,713
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
4
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:16,783
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,921
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo
6
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:23,657
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:24,658
‐ [laughs]
8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,859
Ooh. [growls]
9
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:26,860
‐ Mommy.
‐ Aaaaaaah.
10
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:29,263
‐ Duncan.
‐ Duncan.
11
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,535
‐ Ahh.
‐ What's wrong, Jing?
12
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:37,104
‐ Did you have that dream
about the woman
13
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,972
with no eyes
that stares at you?
14
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,141
‐ No, worse.
I've outgrown my room.
15
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,243
‐ But you love this room.
‐ Sure, 4
16
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,813
Sure, 4 1/2‐year‐old me did,
but that was months ago.
17
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,415
I'm a totally different person.
18
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:52,686
I can balance on one foot now.
19
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:53,520
‐ How does she do that?
20
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:56,223
‐ Well, Jing,
what would you like?
21
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:59,927
‐ Something more mature,
like maybe warrior princess,
22
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,829
unicorns obvi, but I wouldn't
rule out rapping chipmunks.
23
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,165
‐ Say no more. This weekend
24
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,701
I'm gonna give you
an amazing room makeover.
25
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,369
‐ You're a plumber, Dad.
26
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:12,172
You dig hair out of toilets.
Hire a contractor.
27
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:14,508
‐ I dig lots of stuff
out of toilets.
28
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,610
And I can do anything
a contractor does,
29
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,044
just not legally.
30
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,645
‐ Thanks, Daddy.
31
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,247
I'll more in with Kimberly
till you're done.
32
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,382
Sister sleepover.
33
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:24,985
‐ No, I need my privacy
in case a boy calls.
34
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:26,019
[laughter]
35
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,020
‐ That's great.
36
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,022
‐ Oh, we're sorry, honey.
37
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,791
It's gonna happen someday.
38
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:32,593
‐ Have you heard something?
39
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:33,560
Is it the kid who came
to our door selling seeds?
40
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,596
Because I felt like
we made a connection.
41
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:36,430
‐ Let's go, Kimberly.
42
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:38,799
You're making
a fool of yourself.
43
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,935
‐ Hey Duncan, wanna remodel
Jing's room with me?
44
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:42,970
Be the master's apprentice?
45
00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,272
‐ Oh, I'd hate to, but Mom's
already trapped me
46
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,540
into doing something with her.
47
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,142
‐ I'm cashing in an old
IOU Duncan
48
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,545
made for me last Mother's Day.
49
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,748
So we're going bowling, 'cause
that was always our thing.
50
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,717
It'll be just like old times.
51
00:01:56,783 --> 00:02:01,455
Mother and son hangin'
and bowlin' and‐‐Dunkie.
52
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:02,456
‐ Ooh
‐ Ah.
53
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,224
‐ Ugh, I had it.
54
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,529
‐ Slow and steady wins
the race, Dunkie.
55
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:12,599
Head on a swivel.
Check side, rear, front,
56
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:16,136
side, rear, front,
side, rear, front...
57
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:19,406
‐ I'm gonna barf.
‐ Good. That means you're safe.
58
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,241
Careful.
59
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,777
You almost bumped that car full
of nudists drinking hot tea.
60
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,248
Okay,
there's the bowling alley.
61
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,517
Use your signal
and patiently wait your turn.
62
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,554
Wait for it.
63
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:36,490
Wait for it.
64
00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:38,625
Okay, ready?
65
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,627
Wait for it.
66
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:44,231
Now take your well‐earned
left turn and ease this baby
67
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:47,401
into a spot far
from unmarked white vans.
68
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,438
‐ Forget it.
I'm not walking that far.
69
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,845
‐ Mom, my name's Duncan.
70
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,815
‐ Dunkie's cuter.
‐ Ugh.
71
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,216
‐ Hold out your hands.
72
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,686
This is what I used to do
for your bottom.
73
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,387
‐ Ugh.
74
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,826
[all cheering]
75
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,095
‐ Aw, man.
‐ What's wrong?
76
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:16,897
Don't you like bowling anymore?
77
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,032
‐ I love bowling.
It's just that...
78
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,301
‐ Is it the noise?
The watery pizza?
79
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,536
The broken claw machine?
80
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:26,106
The sweaty guy in the tank top
who keeps kissing his ball?
81
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,575
[laughter]
82
00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,243
Oh, I get it.
83
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:33,447
You think I'm embarrassed
to be seen with you.
84
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:35,916
Well, don't you worry
your sweet powdered bottom
85
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:39,319
about that.
Let's hit some pins.
86
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,121
Ugh.
87
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,824
Yes. Three.
88
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,864
‐ Ooh, ahh.
89
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,866
[laughter]
90
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,134
‐ Something popped in my chest.
91
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:57,070
‐ He does like bowling.
92
00:03:57,137 --> 00:04:00,407
Just not with me.
93
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:05,045
‐ I came in
like a wrecking ball ♪
94
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:09,516
♪ I never hit so hard in love
95
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:13,687
♪ All I wanted
was to break your walls ♪
96
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,688
[grunts]
97
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:18,291
♪ Yeah, I wre‐e‐e‐ecked you
98
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:19,092
[grunts]
99
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:22,329
♪ Yeah, I wre‐e‐e‐ecked you
100
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,732
‐ Wow. I've never been in
your room longer than‐‐
101
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:26,800
Jing, get out of my room.
102
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,802
‐ Let's lay some ground
rules here.
103
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:29,803
Don't touch my computer.
104
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,272
Don't touch my makeup.
Don't touch my phone.
105
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,874
‐ This is gonna be fun.
106
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,876
So what do girls
do at sleepovers?
107
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,277
I've never been on one.
108
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,246
‐ We do each other's hair,
nails,
109
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,148
and you can never go wrong
110
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,549
with dishing hot gossip
or trashing good friends.
111
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,818
‐ Won't that hurt
their feelings?
112
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,554
‐ You have so much to learn.
Let's start with hot gossip.
113
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,290
Tara likes Ryan.
But Ryan likes Amber.
114
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:52,025
But Amber's just using Ryan
to make Daniel K. jealous.
115
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,226
But here's the twist.
Daniel K.
116
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,363
is in love with Ryan.
Your turn.
117
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:59,166
‐ Well,
opossum is nice to beaver,
118
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,067
beaver is nice to ladybug,
119
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,936
but opossum
is also nice to ladybug.
120
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,673
It's all crazy,
and I'm, like, drama.
121
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,042
‐ Do you know any real people?
‐ I know you,
122
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,944
but you don't seem
to have a love life.
123
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,346
‐ Ouch. You catch on quick.
124
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,384
‐ [whimpering]
125
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,587
‐ Honey, why are you crying.
126
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,190
And have you seen
my good nail gun?
127
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:26,693
‐ It's over, Jack.
It's all over.
128
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,497
‐ Can't we at least wait until
the kids leave for college?
129
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,966
‐ No.
Duncan's childhood is over.
130
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,035
He's outgrown me.
131
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,437
Just like he's outgrown
this little hoodie
132
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,340
and his one‐eyed teddy bear
and his baby teeth
133
00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,108
and the hair
from his first haircut.
134
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,978
Aw, look how cute
he used to be.
135
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,648
‐ Oh, boy. Listen, honey,
Duncan's 15 now.
136
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,517
It's normal.
He'll appreciate you again
137
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,318
in his forties
when his wife leaves him
138
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:52,986
and he needs you
to watch his kids.
139
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,654
‐ I can't wait that long.
140
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:57,591
There's gotta be something
we can enjoy together.
141
00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,260
I wonder if he still plays
his little xylophone.
142
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:02,696
[xylophone clanging]
143
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:05,232
Yeah, that's jazz, man.
144
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,868
‐ Annie, take it from
the neediest man alive.
145
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:10,237
You've gotta be patient.
He'll find his way back to you.
146
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:13,406
‐ Not if I find my way
back to him first.
147
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,610
I put a GPS tracker
on his hoodie.
148
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:19,279
Thanks for the wise
but completely wrong advice.
149
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:20,680
See ya.
150
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:25,218
‐ Hug me.
‐ Ahh!
151
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:29,422
‐ Well, the night's young, and
this Dew's got me feelin' good.
152
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,825
What's next?
153
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,526
‐ What was that?
154
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,428
‐ If it's in the woods,
it's gotta be good.
155
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,697
[all panting]
156
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:39,366
‐ I'll bet it's a spaceship.
157
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:41,268
‐ We can protect the adorable
alien
158
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,335
inside from the government.
159
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,706
‐ I'll get him wasted
and teach him how to cuss.
160
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:49,442
‐ A stock car track.
That's cool too, right?
161
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,511
‐ Deadbeat dads
goin' 200 miles an hour?
162
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,648
Uh, yeah.
163
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:03,890
‐ Mia, you work here?
164
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,825
‐ Papa Mom sponsors a car,
165
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,595
so apparently part of
my below‐minimum‐wage job now
166
00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:10,563
is to make sure
nobody messes with it.
167
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:12,933
‐ Can I mess with it?
‐ Yeah, sure.
168
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:15,502
‐ Ugh. Look, I'm a race car
drivin' guy.
169
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:20,373
Meer‐shwer‐hrr‐frow.
170
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,841
‐ Those are some great
racing sounds.
171
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:22,976
Is he your driver?
‐ Please say yes.
172
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,844
Please say yes. Please say yes.
173
00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:28,214
‐ Hang on, let me just take
a look at my paystub. Yes.
174
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,056
‐ Ah, only good things
will come of this.
175
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,724
[tires screech]
176
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,493
Hi, I'm Dirty Duncan Harris.
When I have a big race,
177
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,698
Papa Mom's Pizza
gives me the fuel I need.
178
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,132
Mmm. Tastes like Amurica.
179
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:50,337
‐ And cut.
Duncan, baby, beautiful.
180
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:51,404
‐ Hey, Duncan,
I brought our ten
181
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:55,208
beautiful multi‐racial kids
to visit you on set.
182
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:58,278
‐ I am truly blessed.
183
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,480
I can't provide
for all them kids.
184
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:01,848
[phone beeping]
185
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:05,719
‐ He's gotta be
around here somewhere.
186
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,387
‐ Mom? What are you doing here?
187
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,123
‐ Not letting you outgrow me.
‐ Duncan.
188
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,926
The race has started.
Vroom‐vroom already.
189
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,128
‐ How do you start this thing?
‐ Ugh.
190
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,529
Flip the rocker switches,
191
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:17,664
hit the clutch,
and throw it into first.
192
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,466
‐ Huh?
193
00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:20,600
‐ Drive.
194
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,204
[tires squealing]
195
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,007
‐ Side, rear, front.
Wait your turn. Wait your turn.
196
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:28,875
‐ Forget all that crap.
We're racin' now.
197
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,744
‐ Ahh! Uh‐uh‐uh!
198
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:34,748
[engines revving]
199
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,150
‐ Faster, Dunkie.
Swift and crazy wins the race.
200
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,952
‐ There's a car in front of us.
201
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,320
‐ Not if you bump
his ass there ain't.
202
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,626
‐ Since when are you
a psycho driver?
203
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,162
‐ Since I thought I lost
my baby boy forever.
204
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,630
‐ I have a brother?
205
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,833
Oh, cool, but you should
probably tell Dad.
206
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:57,370
[cheers and applause]
207
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:01,741
Oh, my God, we won.
Thanks, Mom.
208
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,944
‐ I've reconnected with my son.
209
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:08,782
[cheers and applause]
210
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:18,191
‐ [slurping] Mom, would you
like a victory sip?
211
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,061
‐ Oh, wow, gravy tastes
so much better out of a trophy.
212
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,597
‐ Well, congratulations,
you two.
213
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:25,665
‐ Jealousy doesn't look good
on you, Jack.
214
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:28,234
[glugging]
215
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,469
‐ I didn't know you were
so into racing, Mom.
216
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,971
‐ Oh, I'm not.
I'm into winning.
217
00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:34,240
Especially with my son.
218
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,976
‐ With her crazy competitive
side and my ability
219
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,244
to sit,
we're a great team.
220
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,113
‐ We ride together;
we die together.
221
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,248
‐ I wanna die with Kimberly.
‐ Aw.
222
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,851
I thought I was dying alone.
223
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,986
‐ Wait. Who do I get
to die with?
224
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:47,921
‐ You can die
with me too, Daddy.
225
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:50,857
‐ Thanks, honey. Mwah.
226
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,660
‐ I'm sorry, Jack, I was so
busy talking about Duncan
227
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:56,729
and I being race car drivers
that I forgot to ask
228
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,532
how your little girl's room
was coming along.
229
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,002
‐ Well, I'm hell on wheels too.
Pastel color wheels.
230
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:05,105
Pick one, Jing.
What's speaking to you?
231
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,107
Cherub's Nipple
Pink or Bunnies' Blood Blue?
232
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,975
‐ What paint store
do you shop at?
233
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,845
‐ Surprise me.
And take your time, Daddy.
234
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:13,379
We're having fun
doing sister stuff.
235
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,149
Today I learned to throw shade,
236
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,485
and we talked to Grandma
on the Ouija board.
237
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,588
She's in pain.
238
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:24,657
[giggling]
239
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:28,027
‐ There are 500 shows
on 600 streaming services
240
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,662
and whatever Quibi was.
Why are you watching
241
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,531
"Hector The Detector"
for the fourth time?
242
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,533
‐ I find something new
every time I watch it.
243
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,835
And I wanna give you a peak
into my world.
244
00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:38,171
Watch with me.
245
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,574
‐ Let's see what's
in the mailbox.
246
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,575
It's mail.
247
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,143
‐ [laughs]
248
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,844
‐ Oh, my God. Calm down.
249
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:48,248
Mail should be in the mailbox.
That's where it belongs.
250
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:51,518
‐ It's fun to laugh.
How come you never laugh?
251
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:54,988
‐ Laughing gives you wrinkles.
I'd rather be hot than happy.
252
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:58,658
‐ The laughing stops now.
Mmm. Hee‐hee.
253
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:02,095
Sorry, I just thought
about Hector and the mail.
254
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,964
‐ Ugh. Good night.
255
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:06,499
Huh?
256
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,101
‐ [snoring]
257
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,104
‐ [groans]
258
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,239
[groaning]
259
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,542
‐ [giggles]
Mail.
260
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:19,245
[twangy upbeat music]
261
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,682
‐ Fake high. Go low, Dunkie.
262
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:23,850
‐ [grunting]
263
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,952
Yeah!
‐ Whoo!
264
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:29,255
And that's the
Kansas City shuffle.
265
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,857
‐ I can't get ahead of him.
266
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:31,958
‐ Get me close.
267
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:38,731
♪
268
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:39,532
"Frogger" it, baby.
269
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:43,269
♪
270
00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:46,139
‐ Last lap.
We're never gonna win this.
271
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,540
‐ [whistles]
272
00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:54,147
♪
273
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,282
‐ Uh, that don't seem fair.
274
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:57,951
‐ Yeah,
is anyone gonna say anything?
275
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,687
[cheers and applause]
276
00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:03,423
‐ Ugh.
‐ Yeah.
277
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:04,390
‐ Ugh, ugh.
278
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,126
Ugh, if you ain't fast,
you last.
279
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:10,763
‐ Bow to your gods.
Your wives are mine now.
280
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:13,499
‐ Thanks for teaching me that
vulgar celebration dance, Mom.
281
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,300
[grunting]
282
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,170
‐ Everyone loves
a cocky winner.
283
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,972
‐ Duncan and Annie,
284
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:20,840
that was an incredible
montage of victories.
285
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:21,975
Just the right amount
to qualify
286
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:23,710
for the 24 Minutes of Oakdale.
287
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:27,180
‐ Thank you, Jimmy Don.
And I just want to say
288
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,850
as a mama
I am so proud of my boy.
289
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,919
‐ Give it up
for Team Mama's Boy.
290
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:33,920
‐ Team what?
291
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,054
[cheers and applause]
292
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:38,057
all: Mama's Boy. Mama's Boy.
293
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:40,627
Mama's Boy. Mama's Boy.
294
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,729
‐ Mama's Boy.
295
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,264
‐ Dunkie, we're a hit.
296
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,600
all: Mama's Boy. Mama's Boy.
‐ [groans]
297
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,002
‐ You awake? You awake?
298
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:50,536
‐ Stop.
‐ Oh good, you're awake.
299
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,572
‐ What are you doing up
so early?
300
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:55,141
‐ You mean what
are we doing up so early?
301
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,010
We're having breakfast.
302
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,411
‐Ugh.
‐ Hurry up and eat
303
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,547
so I can finish your
"Hector the Detector" tattoo.
304
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,183
‐ Finish? Augh.
305
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:05,952
‐ Don't worry. It's permanent.
306
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,220
‐ Ahh!
307
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,390
‐ Ahh!
It's fun screaming with you.
308
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,392
‐ Ugh.
309
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,260
When are you gonna be done
with...
310
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:18,531
‐ Ohh, I can't decide
what to build.
311
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:19,866
It's too hard.
312
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,267
‐ I thought you
were almost done.
313
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,602
This morning you had
a color wheel.
314
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,138
‐ I was going to do
a princess castle,
315
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,807
but then I worried that
that would reinforce the idea
316
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:28,808
that women need a man
to be happy.
317
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,343
Then I thought Wonder Woman,
318
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,211
but would that make
her feel bad,
319
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,079
because Jing can't do
what Wonder Woman does.
320
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,480
She kills Nazis,
321
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,683
and a five‐year‐old
can't compete with that.
322
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:37,650
Then I thought space station,
but I don't want her
323
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:41,087
to live out of state.
I'm in over my head.
324
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,289
Maybe it's time
to call a contractor.
325
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,491
‐ First of all, women do need
a man to be happy.
326
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,993
And we don't have time
to call a contractor.
327
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,229
Give me your pen.
328
00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:51,998
This is what we're doing.
329
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,534
‐ I love it.
330
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,136
But I had this idea
for vaulted ceilings and‐‐
331
00:13:57,203 --> 00:14:01,074
‐ You're not in charge anymore.
Turn in your nail gun.
332
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,475
‐ Thank you
for your leadership.
333
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:11,017
‐ Mmm, I think you made
Duncan's mom a little too sexy.
334
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,085
‐ I don't think
I made her sexy enough.
335
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,487
Here's my original design.
336
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:15,488
[all groan]
337
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:16,823
‐ Dang, son,
what's wrong with you?
338
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:19,292
‐ That is anatomically
impossible.
339
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:24,097
‐ Yeah, her back would break.
Oh!
340
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:26,699
‐ That is the worst thing
I've ever seen.
341
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,968
‐ Trust me. It's not.
[gulps]
342
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,436
‐ This is humiliating.
343
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,039
Isn't there a better name
than Mama's Boy?
344
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,708
‐ You gotta embrace it, man;
it's your moniker.
345
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:36,976
Or as I called it, "money‐ker."
346
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,911
‐ Heh, clever.
347
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:39,779
‐ Once the public knows you
as something, you're branded.
348
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,582
Look, your hashtag's
already trending.
349
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,984
Or as I call it,
"spending." [chuckles]
350
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,586
I call everything
something else.
351
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,521
‐ Ooh, Wolf. I love it.
352
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,190
You really know
how to paint a woman.
353
00:14:51,257 --> 00:14:53,126
‐ Mom, I've been thinking.
354
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:55,862
Maybe it's time
we get out of racing.
355
00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,998
You know, like, quit while
we're solidly in the middle.
356
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,000
‐ No way.
I would never quit on you.
357
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:04,103
‐ I don't mind.
I‐‐I quit on you in bowling.
358
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:05,438
‐ And that was the worst day
of my life.
359
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,307
I wanted to step in front
of a speeding train,
360
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:11,110
but now look at us.
We have a thing again.
361
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:15,581
Now let's go get our urine
tested for drugs together.
362
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,950
For drugs. Together.
363
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:21,087
‐ Ba‐donk. Ba‐damn.
364
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,261
‐ Your urine test says
you're drug‐free
365
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,830
but peri‐menopausal.
366
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,632
Oh, wait, that's mine.
[laughs]
367
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:34,634
God, we laugh together,
don't we, Dunkie?
368
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:38,971
‐ I'm going to the car.
‐ Let's go together as a team.
369
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:42,108
‐ Ugh.
‐ Already racing, huh?
370
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,277
‐ Hey, Mrs. H.
‐ Oh, hi, Bex.
371
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,480
‐ So how ya doin', huh? Jack?
The kids?
372
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,482
‐ Uh, the‐‐the race is about
to start, Bex.
373
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,351
‐ Okay, uh,
how do I put this lightly?
374
00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:54,821
Every moment Duncan sits
in that car with you
375
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:55,888
is a humiliating nightmare.
376
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,157
‐ What?
Where's that coming from?
377
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,092
Also,
what was the harsh version?
378
00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,861
‐ Duncan hates being called
Mama's Boy.
379
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,130
‐ But the crowd loves it.
380
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,933
And if he had a problem
with it, he would have told me.
381
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:08,267
Teenage boys love to share.
382
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,937
‐ Mrs. H, may I turn your head?
383
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,873
‐ Of course, always.
384
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:17,343
all: ♪ Rock‐a‐bye Dunkie
on the blacktop ♪
385
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:20,313
‐ Stop it.
You're making me sleepy.
386
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:22,081
‐ Have I been so blinded
by my desire
387
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,450
for a connection with my son
388
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,354
that I put my emotional needs
ahead of what's best for him?
389
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,958
‐ Yeah, I guess.
‐ Oh, Bex, I can always count
390
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,893
on you
to call me on my crap.
391
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,796
Let's finally have that lunch
we keep saying we're gonna do.
392
00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:37,830
‐ I'd like that.
393
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:40,099
[engines revving]
394
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,468
‐ [groaning]
395
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,804
Hurry up, get in.
The race is gonna start.
396
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:46,372
‐ Sorry, you're driving this
one
397
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,108
on your own.
‐ Are you sure?
398
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,644
I know how much us being
a team means to you.
399
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,045
‐ Yeah, but I'm a mom.
400
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,515
And my job is to suffer
so you can be happy.
401
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,117
Besides,
we'll always be a team.
402
00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,385
And when you're 40
and divorced,
403
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,621
I'll watch your kids for you.
404
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,056
‐ Good, 'cause there's gonna be
ten of 'em. Thanks, Mom.
405
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:07,960
‐ Drivers, start your engines.
406
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,097
‐ And I had Wolf
make a few changes to the car.
407
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,699
‐ Damn straight I'm a Big Boy.
408
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,434
‐ Go get 'em, Dunkie.
409
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:18,437
[engines revving]
410
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,474
‐ Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
411
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,175
Ahh! I want my mama!
412
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,080
‐ Aww, nuts.
413
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,416
There goes my lunch with Annie.
414
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,485
‐ Ready, Jing?
415
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,319
♪ Ta‐daaah
416
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,622
‐ Ohh.
417
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,958
‐ You said you liked
warrior princesses,
418
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:39,959
so now you can sleep
on Moana's boat
419
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:43,629
under the stars at night.
420
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,831
‐ And I built you
a unicorn dresser, obvi.
421
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,633
‐ And finding an outfit
is a breeze
422
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,235
with Hector the Detector.
423
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,170
‐ Socks are for feet.
424
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,873
‐ And I believe someone said
rapping chipmunks.
425
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,976
[chipmunks chittering]
426
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,978
‐ Awww, spit that nasty stuff.
427
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,913
‐ Oh, my gosh.
428
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,316
You did everything I said.
429
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:06,652
‐ So do you love it?
‐ No. I wanna list it.
430
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:07,887
‐ What's wrong with you?
431
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:09,655
I would've killed for a room
like this when I was your age.
432
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,457
But I had to bunk with Duncan,
433
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,759
because Dad needed a room
for his scrapbooking.
434
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,428
‐ I thought I was into it.
435
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:17,029
Turns out, I was just high
from the glue fumes.
436
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,599
‐ I actually liked my old room,
437
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,300
but I wanted to hang out
with my cool big sister
438
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,202
before she forgets all about me
439
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,504
and only cares about boys
who make her cry.
440
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,173
‐ I had no idea
you wanted to hang out.
441
00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:29,375
‐ I want your advice
on fashion and boys,
442
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,510
even though your love life
is a disaster.
443
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,779
You're funny,
and you smell good.
444
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,314
I want to be like you.
445
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,050
‐ I knew I was perfect.
[camera shutter clicks]
446
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,786
‐ I can't wait to glue this
in a scrapbook.
447
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,054
[inhales]
Glue.
448
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,391
[engines revving]
449
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,527
‐ Ahhh! Something popped
in my chest again.
450
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,730
‐ Oh, Bex, I don't want
to smother Dunkie,
451
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,132
but his car is spinning wildly
out of control.
452
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,968
‐ And his engine's on fire.
453
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,803
I know nothing about
being a parent,
454
00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:58,137
but I think it's time to step in.
455
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:02,375
‐ Ahhhh!
456
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:02,908
[loud thump]
457
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,311
‐ Ride or die, baby.
458
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:10,249
[tires squealing]
459
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:13,119
‐ Never give me my space again.
‐ That's all I wanted to hear.
460
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,588
Now let's win this thing.
‐ Mama's Boy!
461
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,724
[tires squealing]
462
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,726
[twangy upbeat music]
463
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:28,034
♪
464
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:38,611
‐ And team Mama's Boy
465
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,947
in a miracle
comeback finishes...sixth.
466
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,482
‐ Yeah, it was crazy to think
we could win.
467
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,352
I mean, we were so far behind
when I jumped on the roof.
468
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:47,753
‐ Oh, yeah,
I was driving backwards
469
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:50,222
for at least ten minutes.
470
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:54,026
‐ Yeah, ugh, ugh, ugh.
Dance with me, Mom.
471
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,828
‐ A good mother knows when
it's time to let her son
472
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,364
crotch chop alone.
473
00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,899
‐ Ugh, ugh. Take that.
Take all of it.
474
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:02,034
‐ That's my boy!
475
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,636
[cheers and applause]
476
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,842
‐ Heads‐up, do not order
the cheesy‐filled crust.
477
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:10,976
‐ Why not?
478
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,578
‐ It is neither cheese
nor crust.
479
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:16,048
‐ But they're BOGO.
‐ Come on, Mom.
480
00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:17,249
It's our victory party.
481
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,984
Let's go
get some sixth‐place pies.
482
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,454
‐ Go with your friends
and celebrate, Duncan.
483
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,724
‐ Thanks. And let's go
bowling again sometime.
484
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,926
Also, I need your credit card.
485
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,394
‐ Already pinned it
to your T‐shirt.
486
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,134
[tires squealing]
487
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,669
Rrrr! Whoo‐hoo!
488
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:40,473
‐ What a woman.
489
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:55,654
‐ Ow.
490
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:00,893
Huh?
491
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:04,263
Little sis to big sis.
Thank you. Over.
492
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:06,932
‐ This is big sis.
You're welcome. Over.
493
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:10,269
‐ What happened to Ryan
and Daniel K? Over.
494
00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:11,170
‐ They're over. Over.
495
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:14,406
‐ Girl, that's not
what I heard. Over.
496
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:17,476
‐ Guys, get off channel one.
It's for me and Mom. Over.
497
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:20,746
‐ Everyone off the channel
and go to bed. Over.
498
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,414
‐ I love you, sexy driver.
499
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:24,350
‐ I love you, construction man.
500
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:27,553
You can property
my brother any time.
501
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,488
[smooching]
502
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:31,857
‐ Oh, my God.
Your walkies are still on.
503
00:21:31,907 --> 00:21:36,457
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