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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,840 * 2 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,342 Hey. 3 00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,684 Cooper Barrett here, once again, 4 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,308 with another important life lesson. 5 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,683 When you're in your 20s, 6 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,381 you tend to feel like you're invincible, 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:16,183 which can lead to getting into bad situations... 8 00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,147 for some very dumb reasons. 9 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,917 My name is Cooper Barrett. 10 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,585 My friends and I are here to mess up our lives 11 00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,625 so you don't have to. 12 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,943 The world can be a scary place. 13 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,441 Earthquakes, tsunamis, Bill Cosby, 14 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,244 those ear spacer thingies. 15 00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,736 But there's one thing 16 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,247 that's scarier than all of that. 17 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,650 And that's when you can't find your phone. 18 00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:57,131 The most important thing is to stay calm. 19 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,488 * 20 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:06,930 * Sorry if I woke you up this morning, it was early * 21 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:09,297 * The sun was coming up and I'd been drinking * 22 00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,307 * Too much... 23 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:22,147 I will find you. 24 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,954 (indistinct chatter) 25 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,316 (laughs) 26 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,631 Cooper, what happened? Are you okay? 27 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,960 Were we robbed? Did they take my Beanie Babies? 28 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,225 No, it's way worse than that. 29 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,225 (crying): I can't find my phone. 30 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,566 Oh, buddy, 31 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,170 I'm so sorry for your loss. 32 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,102 It's in a better place now. Uh, it's a phone. 33 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,837 I was in the Laundromat, and I came right here. I've checked 34 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,443 everywhere in between. I'm completely off the grid. 35 00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,675 Now I know what those poor bastards in the '90s felt like. 36 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,411 That's horrible. Why you didn't call us? 37 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,476 'Cause I didn't have my phone! 38 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,024 I don't know anyone's numbers. (groans) 39 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,148 I just have you all stored with the little pictures 40 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,524 and I just, I just press on 41 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,851 your tiny little faces and it calls you. 42 00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,086 It's the perfect system! Hey, hey. 43 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,291 You know what the great thing about phones is, though? 44 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,964 You can buy another one. 45 00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,632 I can't. They're, like, 700 bucks. 46 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,930 BARRY: All right, look. Here's what we gonna do. 47 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,131 You can share my phone, okay? 48 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,303 We can be phonemates, all right? 49 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:13,171 One rule, though. No LOLing allowed. 50 00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,441 You know you not laughing out loud when you typing, okay? 51 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,609 A "ha" or a "ha-ha" would do just fine. 52 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,139 I don't know where else it could be. 53 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,444 KELLY: Well, we were at the bar this morning, 54 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,275 watching the game; did you check there? 55 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,012 The bar. The bar, the bar! 56 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,346 Bar, bar, bar, bar, bar... 57 00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:32,192 * Two sides and two numbers 58 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:35,290 * Two lives left undiscovered... * 59 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,793 I'm gonna ask around. 60 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,134 Hey! We know you! 61 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,628 KELLY: Hi. Oh, hey! 62 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,130 What is the occasion? 63 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,561 Oh, well, we're just celebrating 64 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,796 a big new purchase. That's right. 65 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,802 Josh just bought a sweet new car. 66 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,144 Ooh, you got a Ferrari? Lambo? 67 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,068 Submarine? JOSH: No, no. 68 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,973 Brand-new SUV, fully loaded, video screens in the back 69 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,036 so the kid can watch cartoons. 70 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,084 Yeah! 71 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,809 Your excitement makes me sad. 72 00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,245 Either way, we're gonna get drunk and sing karaoke. 73 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,750 Oh, yeah, we are. 74 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:03,151 You guys are like Benjamin Button, where you look 40, 75 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,653 but you're actually a thousand years old. 76 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,485 Guys, guys, my phone's not here. 77 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,320 What? That's so weird. Okay. 78 00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,356 Well, you definitely had it last night at dinner, and then... 79 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,761 at the observatory. Yeah, 'cause we took the selfie at sunset. 80 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,663 Yeah. LESLIE: Selfie at sunset? What's going on...? 81 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,225 We don't talk about it. Oh! I got it! 82 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,074 It just popped up on the Find My Phone thing. 83 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,368 Whoever has it just turned it on. Hey, that's not far from here. 84 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,501 Let's go get it. Uh-uh-uh, that's not 85 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,595 such a good idea. People get killed 86 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,066 chasing down their phones. 87 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,414 My buddy Phil tracked down his 88 00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,839 a few years back, ended up having an affair. 89 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,075 He's much happier now. 90 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,679 Either way, it's very dangerous. 91 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,111 You know what, Josh? 92 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,905 It could be dangerous, but bros stick together. 93 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,917 You think these guys want to go? They got better things to do. 94 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,519 I actually don't have anything better to do. 95 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,621 I got a mah-jongg sesh with the ladies. 96 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,953 But they're in 'cause they're bros. 97 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,058 But if you want to go do your old guy stuff, then, 98 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,120 you know, go ahead. No, no, no. 99 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,857 I'm in for the bro adventure. 100 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,963 What? Hey, listen, 101 00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,704 I'm the original bro. 102 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,759 I'm the only actual bro here. 103 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,698 LESLIE: How am I gonna be Hootie without my Blowfish? 104 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,103 I will hang out with you tonight, Leslie. 105 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,544 I won't do Hootie, but I will "Uptown Funk" 106 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,140 the crap out of you, girl. 107 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,041 Wow. Wow. Perfect. To the SUV! 108 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,984 Bro-venture! Bro-venture! 109 00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,240 Find that phone! Find that phone! 110 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,578 I'm so glad I'm staying with you. 111 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:06,913 Yeah. I don't want to go with them. 112 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,319 COOPER: All right. 113 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,391 When we get to wherever this is, I'll go up and knock. 114 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,890 I need you guys to have my back in case anything goes down. Got it. 115 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,562 Think something mysterious is gonna go down? 116 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,060 Yeah, man, we could get shot. This is gonna be fun. 117 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,462 That's not fun! Getting shot's not fun! 118 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,895 All right, says it's right here on the left. 119 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,801 Lil' Spoons Ice Cream Shop? 120 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:31,135 (whoops) Let's go kick some ass! (laughs) 121 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,571 COOPER: Hey, Josh, the child lock. Dude, you got the child safety locks on, man. 122 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,577 I got it. I got it. Hold on one second! Don't know how to work this car? 123 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,739 That's the windows, man. 124 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,607 COOPER and BARRY: Unlock it. 125 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,406 Josh. (overlapping chatter) 126 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,818 Okay, just let me... You guys. (car alarm blaring) 127 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,179 We got an emergency situation going on. 128 00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,816 Stop playing! Okay, okay. 129 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:49,022 * We could put it on the stage... * Everyone! 130 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,756 Okay. So you hate it. 131 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,161 I love being married. 132 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,292 It's just sometimes I miss the single life. 133 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,998 So, who are you gonna hook up with tonight? 134 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,200 Uh, probably no one. Oh, yeah, right, because of Cooper. 135 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:03,173 What? Come on, don't pretend there's nothing there. 136 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,813 There's nothing there. Mm. 137 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,778 There's nothing there! I'm serious. 138 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,678 Cooper's like Steve Buscemi. Mm. 139 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,780 I love him, but I don't want to have sex with him. 140 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,782 Well, if you don't have feelings for him, 141 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,954 then you can go talk to that cute guy over there. 142 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:20,294 Mm, no. He's good-looking like a modelly, perfect face, 143 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,060 I-can-see-our-kids kind of way, but I'm just not feeling it. 144 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,960 Because you have feelings for Cooper. 145 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,962 No! Ugh! In that case, I will go talk to him for you. 146 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,795 Please don't. You're welcome. 147 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,800 I don't need your help. I got this. 148 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:37,643 No. No. No. Barry? 149 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,311 "Irish need not apply." 150 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,969 Did you know Barry's racist? 151 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,978 Oh, yeah, but just against Irish people. 152 00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,150 He had a really bad experience last St. Patrick's Day. 153 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,708 Listen, about that guy... Let me guess. 154 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,477 He wants me to come over, have a drink with him. 155 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,917 Oh, no, honey, he doesn't like you. 156 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,721 Can we have more shots? Sure. 157 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,063 Uh... what? 158 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,088 (door bells tinkle) WOMAN: Welcome to Lil' Spoons! 159 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,594 Thanks. 160 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,126 Thanks. 161 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,772 NEAL: So one of these 162 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,740 ice cream-loving fools is a thief! 163 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,410 But which one? 164 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:12,839 I say we start punching people 165 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,273 in the face and ask questions later. 166 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,507 Go easy there, Dwayne "Mr. T" Johnson. 167 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:17,914 No, it's two different people. 168 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,405 No, instead of hitting strangers in the face, 169 00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,247 I say we call my phone and see who answers. 170 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,281 Ooh, catch 'em red-handed. 171 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,585 Or in this case, phone-handed. 172 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,458 No. I'm sorry. Hated myself the second I said that. 173 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,018 (line ringing) 174 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,557 (phone ringing) 175 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,963 Aha! Got you, Joe Biden! 176 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,764 JOSH: Oh, Barry, that is not Joe Biden. 177 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,266 No, this is Joe Biden. Look at the man's face. 178 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,598 That's Joe Biden, 179 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,543 and this is his wife, the Second Lady. 180 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,369 These are just really, really old white people. 181 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,713 Come on. It's still ringing. 182 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,938 MAN (on phone): Hello. Shh, shh. 183 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,444 Um, hi. 184 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,777 You stole my friend's phone, and we would like it back, please. 185 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,283 Why don't you try to come get it from me? 186 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,715 Okay, I got this. 187 00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,621 (imitating Liam Neeson): I can tell you I don't have any money. 188 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:04,394 But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. 189 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,964 If you let my phone go now, that will be the end of it. 190 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,734 But if you don't, I will look for you, 191 00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,473 I will find you and I will kill you. 192 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,100 I won't actually kill him. That's from Taken. 193 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,644 They need to make a sequel. All right. 194 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,269 Good luck. 195 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,614 Aw, what? He out-Taken-ed us. 196 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,270 Hey, he's already on the move. He's heading toward downtown. 197 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,578 Let's go. Uh, guys, guys, uh, 198 00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,110 the area that he's headed towards 199 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,854 is pretty dangerous at night-- I'm just saying. 200 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,949 What? USC is downtown. It's probably just college kids. 201 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,281 One street is college kids. 202 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,576 The next street over is Murdertown. 203 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:31,618 Murdertown? 204 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,022 Oh, I love Murdertown. 205 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,693 That's my favorite Sondheim musical. 206 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,191 You know what, guys? 207 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,756 I may not have a special set of skills, 208 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,204 but what I do have is a special set of friends. 209 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,499 You guys. I'm talking about you guys. 210 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,135 A little cheesy. Okay, okay. Nice moment. 211 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,969 All right, come on, hands in. Neal? 212 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,644 This is a really bad idea. 213 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,873 And... 214 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,177 break! Murdertown! 215 00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,318 (gunshots in distance) 216 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,290 All right, this is it. 217 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,462 I'm gonna wait in here. I'm gonna stay. 218 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,631 Oh, come on, man. It's not that bad. 219 00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,631 Look, there's a cop right there. That's a homeless guy. 220 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,163 No, that's definitely a cop. 221 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,467 Look, he's, like, investigating something... 222 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,128 No, he is pooping. Oh, yeah. 223 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,468 See, I told y'all we should've brought our guns. 224 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,043 I don't think paintball guns would've been 225 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,872 that helpful in this situation. 226 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,337 Unless you want to add to all of this graffiti. Come on, guys. 227 00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,476 We could be 30 seconds away from getting my life back. 228 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,311 Neal, what happened to kicking ass and taking names? 229 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,646 That was at an ice cream shop. This is like the Bates Motel. 230 00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,393 Just buy a new phone, Cooper. I can't afford one. 231 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,418 Plus, I want that phone. It has important stuff on it. 232 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,263 I don't have the cloud 'cause of Edward Snowden. 233 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,659 I don't care what nobody says. That man is a patriot. 234 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,903 Yeah, guys. I think I'm gonna sit this one out, 235 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:51,258 stay in the car with Neal, you know, make sure he's okay. 236 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,428 You know what, I got your back. I'm your ride or die. 237 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,436 You my Bobby, I'm your Whitney. All right, 238 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,438 everybody relax. Josh and I are like that, too. 239 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,010 He's my Jay and I'm his Bey. 240 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,409 We're going in. Beyoncé, we out. 241 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,610 We support you spiritually. Thank you 242 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,442 for calling me that. Good luck! 243 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,946 Holler if you need us! You know, 244 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,779 I don't really think of you as my Jay. 245 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:10,445 Yeah, I have no idea what you're saying right now. 246 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,093 Okay, can we just go over this again? 247 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,119 What did you say to that guy? 248 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,053 I said, "Hi." 249 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,887 Oh, my God! 250 00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,463 You are so rusty. What else? 251 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:21,531 I said, um, "This is my friend Kelly." Oh, stop talking. 252 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,101 No wonder he rejected you. He didn't reject me. He rejected you. 253 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,571 Well, the situation's a little ambiguous. 254 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,069 No, he specifically said he did not like you. 255 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,400 You know what, you got me in this situation. 256 00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,735 Now I have no choice but to fix it 257 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,610 by bringing out the big guns. 258 00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,039 What's up, O'Hanlon's?! 259 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,113 (cheering) (whoops) 260 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,752 Yeah! All right, this one goes out to all the fellas 261 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,478 in the front row with the, uh, construction boots, 262 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,623 the, uh, button-down shirt, the cropped black hair... 263 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,450 Okay, they got it, Kells. Drop the beat. 264 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,454 * 265 00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:46,315 * Ah 266 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,293 * Uh, uh 267 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,421 * Ah * Check it, check it... 268 00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,787 Man, this is getting kind of real. 269 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,927 What if we have to, like, fight? 270 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,633 Dude, that's not gonna happen. I'm a black man, okay? 271 00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,225 All I got to do 272 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,636 is puff out my chest and act a little gangster. 273 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,499 What if they're black? Then I just act crazy, man. 274 00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,766 Black people hate crazy. 275 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,105 I got a plan for 276 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,809 every type of person except for mermaids. 277 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,250 All right, get ready to run. 278 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,681 Are you guys here for the party? 279 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,687 We are now. 280 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,419 And I'm looking for my phone. 281 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,263 Britney just found one. Why don't you come in, 282 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,289 get a drink, and I'll grab it for you. 283 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,458 Mmm. I am digging this new ride, my man. 284 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,698 Yeah. It's like a wagon-shaped living room. 285 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,644 I'm pretty happy about it. Hey, check it out. 286 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,840 Maybe this neighborhood's not so bad after all. 287 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,783 Those kids are pretty good. 288 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,709 Usually, 99% of skateboard jumps land with a broken ankle 289 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:44,984 and me laughing at them. 290 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,682 (both chuckle) 291 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,045 Oh! Oh! That was awesome! 292 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,353 (honking horn) 293 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,894 (Neal and Josh shouting) 294 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,561 You! I like it! Yeah, you! 295 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,888 Yeah, bud! (grunting) 296 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:57,994 Nice! 297 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,862 (slurping) 298 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,625 Uh-oh. (chuckles nervously) 299 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:04,503 This is bad. 300 00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,201 What did you just do? 301 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,873 * Tell me, ma, what it's gonna be, she said * 302 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:12,842 * You don't know what you mean to me * 303 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:17,313 * I do, all I think about is you * * Oh, oh 304 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,714 * Even when I'm with my boo 305 00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,747 Uh, Kelly? Kelly! * You know I'm crazy over you... * 306 00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,422 That's my boyfriend, bitch. 307 00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,921 You have a girlfriend! 308 00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,424 That's why you're pretending not to like me. That makes sense. 309 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,516 * East Coast, I know you're shakin' right... * 310 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,928 You're about to get punched in the face. 311 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,590 What? Oh, boy. 312 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,827 (bystanders gasping) 313 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,504 Uh, okay. I'm comin', I'm comin', I'm comin'. 314 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,872 (shouting, grunting) 315 00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:47,942 (indistinct chatter, music playing) 316 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,605 Think we should tell Josh and Neal? 317 00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:52,112 No, I think they're safer in the car. 318 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,975 We are going to die! (shouting) 319 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,763 For real? In America? 320 00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,392 Oh, my God. I love cheerleading. 321 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,856 That's my favorite sport. 322 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,425 I'm a spotter. I can hold anybody. 323 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,432 (indistinct shouting) 324 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,865 Give us your money! I will be notifying your parent 325 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,502 and/or legal guardian and will not be giving you any of my money! 326 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,310 Here's our money. 327 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,376 Here you go. 328 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,611 I'm calling Cooper. 329 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,805 He doesn't have his phone! 330 00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,117 Oh, yeah. Uh, Barry. 331 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:28,648 Yes! 332 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:29,721 (beep) 333 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,819 (phone ringing) 334 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,692 Hello? 335 00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,158 I'm sorry. 336 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,330 Uh, I'll text Leslie again. 337 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,659 And we'll get that phone, too! 338 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,396 And your clothes. 339 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,102 You guys will not be getting away with this! 340 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,574 I am a lawyer and can get you all in serious trouble! 341 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,042 Yeah, good luck. 342 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,642 Good luck. 343 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,643 That's him! 344 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:55,614 What? I'd recognize 345 00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,142 that voice anywhere. 346 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,607 That's the kid that has Cooper's phone! 347 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,075 Come on, man. We just want my friend's phone back. 348 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,754 Sure. For a hundred bucks. 349 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,592 Okay. Josh, can I borrow a hundred dollars? 350 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,618 They have our wallets! 351 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,523 How much for my friend's wallet? 352 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,855 Ooh, this is the best night of mine's 353 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,591 or anyone else's life. 354 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,785 I got to figure out how to get my phone stolen by a bunch 355 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,498 of hot 20-year-olds all the time. 356 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,629 Man... Here's your phone! 357 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,474 Oh. Thanks. 358 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,771 Uh... this isn't my phone. 359 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,873 Oh. 360 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:25,865 Damn it. 361 00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,536 You want to make out later? 362 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,284 Yeah, I'd like that. 363 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,609 (chuckles) 364 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,353 Barry, that wasn't my phone. 365 00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,880 Barry? 366 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:38,485 (sultry music playing) 367 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,516 Hey. 368 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:45,727 I'm Ashley. 369 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,998 Can I ask you a question? 370 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:52,298 Is this outfit guy hot or girl hot? 371 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,472 You are girl, guy, animal and tree hot. 372 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,141 I'm not implying you sleep with animals or trees, 373 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,240 but if you did, I wouldn't judge. 374 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,342 (suavely): I'm Barry. 375 00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,914 Mmm. Ooh, la, la. (chuckles) 376 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,876 Where is my phone? 377 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,424 * Sorry if I woke you up this morning * 378 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,424 * It was early 379 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,186 * The sun was coming up and I'd been drinking * 380 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,726 * Too much... 381 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,265 Hey! Oh, hey, guys. 382 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,428 Sorry, I'll be out in a sec. 383 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,836 Just, uh, keep doing what you're doing. 384 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,268 Cooper, you still owe me that make-out. 385 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,014 Yeah, I know, I just... I just really 386 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,180 got to find my phone first. What could be on your phone 387 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,438 that's better than making out with me? 388 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:40,247 Oh, you know, I have a few apps that I, that I really love, 389 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,510 but, um... 390 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,118 probably definitely nothing. 391 00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,621 I'm sorry, there's just something on my phone 392 00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,652 that means a lot to me. I can't explain it. 393 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,459 I'll make out with you. Ow! 394 00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,431 That was insane. 395 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,230 Yeah. Who would've thought that a hip-hop song 396 00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,132 could lead to any violence? 397 00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,874 I'm sorry. I only approached that guy 398 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,629 because I wanted to get you to admit 399 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,938 that you were really into Cooper. 400 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:03,940 Clearly, you're not. 401 00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,411 No, I'm totally not. 402 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,708 Okay? 403 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,079 Although... 404 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,538 there was this one weird moment last night. 405 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,636 I knew it-- you had sex. 406 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,977 No! God, no. 407 00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,812 We were up at the observatory 408 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,877 and the sun was setting and... 409 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,876 And you had sex. 410 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,987 Would you just let me finish? 411 00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,960 We had just taken a selfie overlooking the city 412 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,730 and... we looked at each other, 413 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,498 and I just thought... 414 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,058 Whatever. It's stupid. 415 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,727 Aw. Kelly. 416 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,234 There's nothing there. Kelly. 417 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,336 Hey, uh, is this your phone? 418 00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,298 I thought I saw it fly out of your hand 419 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,307 after you threw a choke hold on that girl. 420 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,269 It is. Thanks. 421 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,378 So, what are you doing after this? 422 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,613 I'm married with a child. 423 00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:46,905 What about tomorrow night? 424 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,646 No, thank you, I'm good. 425 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,153 (chuckles) 426 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,654 Looks like, uh, baby mama's still got it. 427 00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,915 All right. Not so rusty. 428 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,923 No. 429 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,285 (chuckles) 430 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,091 Josh? 431 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,298 Oh, God. 432 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,099 Look, look, look, Tina... 433 00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,131 Tina, I appreciate what you're trying to do, 434 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,636 but this is not happening right now. I need to find my phone. 435 00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,038 Okay? Sorry. 436 00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,276 Cooper, we are in the middle of a Weird Science teenage 437 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,538 male fantasy and you're sitting there looking for your phone? 438 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,277 I have important stuff on there, man. 439 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,282 I don't know who you are anymore. 440 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,724 So you drove all the way out here just to help your friend? 441 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,450 Damn right. You know, I'm a ride or die. 442 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,815 Unless I had a girlfriend, then she'd come first. 443 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,494 How come you don't have a girlfriend? 444 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,122 Because I just met you. 445 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:34,128 (both chuckle) 446 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,331 (gasps) There's a fire. 447 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,503 You bet there is. 448 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,870 No, there's an ugly, boring car 449 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,568 on fire outside. 450 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,800 Josh! 451 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,644 You want kids? 452 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,900 COOPER: Barry! I'll be back, baby, 453 00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:45,937 I'll be back! 454 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,687 What did you do to our car? 455 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,228 You guys really should've come inside the house. 456 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,938 Damn. This is the worst. And you're wearing my Underoos. 457 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,610 Laundry day's tomorrow. 458 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,509 Wait, so you're saying a bunch of teenagers took my phone, 459 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,942 then they took your phones and your clothes, 460 00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,446 and we're just gonna let them get away with this? 461 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,278 Looking that way. No. No, no, no. 462 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:28,954 We're gonna go back to the apartment, we're gonna regroup, 463 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,351 we're gonna get the paintball gear, 464 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,523 we're gonna track 'em down, 465 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,121 and then we're gonna give 'em hell. 466 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,753 Yeah! All right? All right, let's do it. 467 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:35,787 And break! 468 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,922 No, no break. Not this time. 469 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:38,927 Josh, you love this stuff. 470 00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,258 Yeah, I do most of the time, 471 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,303 but my brand-new car just exploded! 472 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,599 Listen... 473 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,231 I love our adventures. I do. 474 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,796 But I also love karaoke. And a dependable automobile. 475 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,635 And the occasional procedural drama like Bones. 476 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,711 There's no shame in that, honey. Boreanaz is a straight-up fox. 477 00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,811 No one can tell me that dude doesn't still have it. 478 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,284 One day you'll understand that you don't always 479 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,252 have to act like an idiot to get what you want. 480 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,081 Come on, honey, let's go. 481 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,151 Later. 482 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,786 Guys... 483 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,890 You coming back in, baby? 484 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,492 I can't. I got to go get a cell phone from some teenagers. 485 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,855 You know, man stuff. 486 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,027 (gunfire sound effects) 487 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,739 This is the place. 488 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,240 That's the turd. 489 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,772 Everyone ready? Yeah. Yeah. 490 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,676 Oh, hold on. Let me kiss my girlfriend first. 491 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,279 Ha! Is that Kate Upton? 492 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,451 I don't have a picture of Ashley yet. 493 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,180 Look, now, remember, guys, today we draw a line. 494 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,247 For days and years to come, 495 00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:42,516 people will tell the story of three brave young men 496 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,785 who courageously fought back against the tyranny 497 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,864 of rambunctious teens, 498 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,603 dressed in paintball gear, in our mid-20s, 499 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,858 about to storm a house. What the hell are we doing? 500 00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,297 I have no idea. I'm all fogged up. 501 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,673 Long story short, your son stole our stuff and then blew up 502 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:58,342 my brother's brand-new, fully-loaded SUV. 503 00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:01,871 Brandon, get your sorry ass down here! 504 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,278 I'm very disappointed in you, young man. 505 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,854 Like I said: special set of skills. 506 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,190 Look what I got. 507 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,622 Oh. Hey! 508 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,327 Ratting out a kid to his parents. 509 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,829 How very middle-aged of you. 510 00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,400 Yeah, you were right. 511 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,959 Sometimes the best way to handle things is the mature, 512 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,467 non-paintball approach. 513 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,569 I'm never watching Bones, though. 514 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,640 Well, you don't know what you're missing. 515 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,969 It looks like they 516 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,843 kissed and made up. Yeah. (laughs) 517 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,342 It's good, because 518 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,814 Josh means everything to Cooper. 519 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,013 I think you might mean a little something to him, too. 520 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,045 Can you just forget about that observatory stuff? 521 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,320 It didn't mean anything, and honestly, 522 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,079 I-I wouldn't go there, 523 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,986 and he definitely wouldn't. 524 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,358 Okay, well, if you ever want to duet again, just give me a call. 525 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,758 I do want to duet again, 526 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,489 but first I need to heal up 527 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,864 and learn some submission moves. 528 00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,697 So, to sum up, teenagers are jerks. 529 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,770 Sorority girls are awesome. 530 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,769 And just 'cause you're young doesn't mean you're invincible. 531 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,172 'Cause if you're not careful, bad things can happen 532 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,114 that are way worse than losing one of these things. 533 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,740 Speaking of, back up your phone, 534 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,077 because some of the things on here are... 535 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,453 irreplaceable. 536 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,422 * Who's that girl? 537 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:21,351 * Who's that girl? * 538 00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,788 KELLY: What are you looking at? 539 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:23,892 Nothing. 540 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,293 BARRY: Hey, everybody! 541 00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,285 Everybody, this is Ashley! 542 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,627 She's my Bobby now. 543 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:30,762 He's my Whitney! 544 00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:31,897 Mmm! Mmm! 545 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:35,341 That's sweet, but disturbing. 546 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,269 Oh, one more thing. 547 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,866 I freakin' love Bones. 548 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,478 She's my Bobby, though. We get it. 549 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,111 No, no, no, no, no. Hey, guys. 550 00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,475 Hey. Hi. Hi, Bobby-- Ashley. 551 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,975 Hi. 552 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,286 What is it? 553 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,449 It's a time machine. It's a landline. 554 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,117 I got it in case we ever lose our phones again. 555 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,615 I feel like we're living in a museum. 556 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,627 Yeah, let me text Ashley. 557 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,128 Oh, hold on, I want to check 558 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,789 my e-mail real quick. Guys, it's a landline. 559 00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,298 Can only use it to call people. 560 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,430 The last thing I want to do is talk to people on the phone. 561 00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,466 You can't say emojis, Cooper. 562 00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,005 (phone ringing) 563 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,270 Cooper! 564 00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,438 Put your talking machine on silent! 565 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,879 Hello? 566 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:25,991 Yeah. 567 00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,818 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 41445

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