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1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,840
*
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,342
Hey.
3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,684
Cooper Barrett here, once again,
4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,308
with another important
life lesson.
5
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,683
When you're in your 20s,
6
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,381
you tend to feel
like you're invincible,
7
00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:16,183
which can lead to getting
into bad situations...
8
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,147
for some very dumb reasons.
9
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,917
My name is Cooper Barrett.
10
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,585
My friends and I are here
to mess up our lives
11
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,625
so you don't have to.
12
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,943
The world can be a scary place.
13
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,441
Earthquakes, tsunamis,
Bill Cosby,
14
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,244
those ear spacer thingies.
15
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,736
But there's one thing
16
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,247
that's scarier
than all of that.
17
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,650
And that's when
you can't find your phone.
18
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:57,131
The most important thing
is to stay calm.
19
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,488
*
20
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:06,930
* Sorry if I woke you up
this morning, it was early *
21
00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:09,297
* The sun was coming up
and I'd been drinking *
22
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,307
* Too much...
23
00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:22,147
I will find you.
24
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,954
(indistinct chatter)
25
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,316
(laughs)
26
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,631
Cooper, what happened?
Are you okay?
27
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,960
Were we robbed? Did they
take my Beanie Babies?
28
00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,225
No, it's way worse than that.
29
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:38,225
(crying):
I can't find my phone.
30
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,566
Oh, buddy,
31
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,170
I'm so sorry for your loss.
32
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,102
It's in a better
place now.
Uh, it's a phone.
33
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,837
I was in the Laundromat, and
I came right here. I've checked
34
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,443
everywhere in between.
I'm completely off the grid.
35
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,675
Now I know what those poor
bastards in the '90s felt like.
36
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,411
That's horrible.
Why you didn't call us?
37
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,476
'Cause I didn't have my phone!
38
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,024
I don't know anyone's numbers.
(groans)
39
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,148
I just have you all stored
with the little pictures
40
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,524
and I just, I just press on
41
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,851
your tiny little faces
and it calls you.
42
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,086
It's the perfect system!
Hey, hey.
43
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,291
You know what the great thing
about phones is, though?
44
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,964
You can buy another one.
45
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,632
I can't.
They're, like, 700 bucks.
46
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:07,930
BARRY: All right, look.
Here's what we gonna do.
47
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,131
You can share my phone, okay?
48
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,303
We can be phonemates, all right?
49
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:13,171
One rule, though.
No LOLing allowed.
50
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,441
You know you not laughing out
loud when you typing, okay?
51
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:18,609
A "ha" or a "ha-ha"
would do just fine.
52
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,139
I don't know
where else it could be.
53
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,444
KELLY: Well, we were at
the bar this morning,
54
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:24,275
watching the game;
did you check there?
55
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,012
The bar.
The bar, the bar!
56
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,346
Bar, bar, bar, bar, bar...
57
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:32,192
* Two sides and two numbers
58
00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:35,290
* Two lives
left undiscovered... *
59
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,793
I'm gonna ask around.
60
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,134
Hey! We know you!
61
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,628
KELLY:
Hi.
Oh, hey!
62
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,130
What is the occasion?
63
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,561
Oh, well, we're just celebrating
64
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,796
a big new purchase.
That's right.
65
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,802
Josh just bought
a sweet new car.
66
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,144
Ooh, you got a Ferrari?
Lambo?
67
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,068
Submarine?
JOSH:
No, no.
68
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,973
Brand-new SUV, fully loaded,
video screens in the back
69
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,036
so the kid can
watch cartoons.
70
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,084
Yeah!
71
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,809
Your excitement makes me sad.
72
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,245
Either way, we're gonna
get drunk and sing karaoke.
73
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,750
Oh, yeah, we are.
74
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:03,151
You guys are like Benjamin
Button, where you look 40,
75
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,653
but you're actually
a thousand years old.
76
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,485
Guys, guys,
my phone's not here.
77
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,320
What?
That's so weird. Okay.
78
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:10,356
Well, you definitely had it last
night at dinner, and then...
79
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,761
at the observatory.
Yeah, 'cause we took
the selfie at sunset.
80
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,663
Yeah.
LESLIE: Selfie at sunset?
What's going on...?
81
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,225
We don't talk about it.
Oh! I got it!
82
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,074
It just popped up
on the Find My Phone thing.
83
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,368
Whoever has it
just turned it on.
Hey, that's not far from here.
84
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,501
Let's go get it.
Uh-uh-uh,
that's not
85
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,595
such a good idea.
People get killed
86
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,066
chasing down their phones.
87
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,414
My buddy Phil
tracked down his
88
00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,839
a few years back,
ended up having an affair.
89
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,075
He's much happier now.
90
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,679
Either way, it's
very dangerous.
91
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,111
You know what, Josh?
92
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,905
It could be dangerous,
but bros stick together.
93
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,917
You think these guys want to go?
They got better things to do.
94
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,519
I actually don't have
anything better to do.
95
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,621
I got a mah-jongg sesh
with the ladies.
96
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,953
But they're in
'cause they're bros.
97
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,058
But if you want to go do
your old guy stuff, then,
98
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,120
you know, go ahead.
No, no, no.
99
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,857
I'm in for the bro adventure.
100
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,963
What?
Hey, listen,
101
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,704
I'm the original bro.
102
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,759
I'm the only actual bro here.
103
00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,698
LESLIE: How am I gonna be Hootie
without my Blowfish?
104
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,103
I will hang out with you
tonight, Leslie.
105
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,544
I won't do Hootie,
but I will "Uptown Funk"
106
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,140
the crap out of you, girl.
107
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,041
Wow. Wow.
Perfect. To the SUV!
108
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,984
Bro-venture!
Bro-venture!
109
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:04,240
Find that phone!
Find that phone!
110
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,578
I'm so glad I'm
staying with you.
111
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:06,913
Yeah.
I don't want to
go with them.
112
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,319
COOPER:
All right.
113
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,391
When we get to wherever this
is, I'll go up and knock.
114
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,890
I need you guys to have my back
in case anything goes down.
Got it.
115
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,562
Think something mysterious
is gonna go down?
116
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:19,060
Yeah, man, we could get shot.
This is gonna be fun.
117
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,462
That's not fun!
Getting shot's not fun!
118
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,895
All right, says it's
right here on the left.
119
00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:27,801
Lil' Spoons Ice Cream Shop?
120
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:31,135
(whoops)
Let's go kick some ass!
(laughs)
121
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,571
COOPER: Hey, Josh,
the child lock.
Dude, you got
the child safety locks on, man.
122
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,577
I got it. I got it.
Hold on one second!
Don't know how to work this car?
123
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,739
That's the windows, man.
124
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,607
COOPER and BARRY:
Unlock it.
125
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,406
Josh.
(overlapping chatter)
126
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,818
Okay, just let me...
You guys.
(car alarm blaring)
127
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,179
We got an emergency
situation going on.
128
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,816
Stop playing!
Okay, okay.
129
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:49,022
* We could put it
on the stage... * Everyone!
130
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:50,756
Okay.
So you hate it.
131
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,161
I love being married.
132
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,292
It's just sometimes
I miss the single life.
133
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,998
So, who are you gonna
hook up with tonight?
134
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,200
Uh, probably no one.
Oh, yeah,
right, because of Cooper.
135
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:03,173
What?
Come on, don't pretend
there's nothing there.
136
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:04,813
There's nothing there.
Mm.
137
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,778
There's nothing there!
I'm serious.
138
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,678
Cooper's like
Steve Buscemi.
Mm.
139
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,780
I love him, but I don't
want to have sex with him.
140
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,782
Well, if you don't have
feelings for him,
141
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,954
then you can go talk to
that cute guy over there.
142
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:20,294
Mm, no. He's good-looking
like a modelly, perfect face,
143
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,060
I-can-see-our-kids kind of way,
but I'm just not feeling it.
144
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,960
Because you have
feelings for Cooper.
145
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,962
No!
Ugh! In that case, I will
go talk to him for you.
146
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,795
Please don't.
You're welcome.
147
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,800
I don't need your help.
I got this.
148
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:37,643
No. No. No. Barry?
149
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,311
"Irish need not apply."
150
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,969
Did you know
Barry's racist?
151
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,978
Oh, yeah, but just
against Irish people.
152
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,150
He had a really bad experience
last St. Patrick's Day.
153
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,708
Listen, about
that guy...
Let me guess.
154
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,477
He wants me to come over,
have a drink with him.
155
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:50,917
Oh, no, honey, he
doesn't like you.
156
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,721
Can we have more shots?
Sure.
157
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:55,063
Uh... what?
158
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:57,088
(door bells tinkle)
WOMAN:
Welcome to Lil' Spoons!
159
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,594
Thanks.
160
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:01,126
Thanks.
161
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,772
NEAL:
So one of these
162
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,740
ice cream-loving fools
is a thief!
163
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:11,410
But which one?
164
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:12,839
I say we start
punching people
165
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,273
in the face and
ask questions later.
166
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,507
Go easy there,
Dwayne "Mr. T" Johnson.
167
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:17,914
No, it's two different people.
168
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,405
No, instead of hitting
strangers in the face,
169
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:21,247
I say we call my phone
and see who answers.
170
00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:22,281
Ooh, catch 'em
red-handed.
171
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,585
Or in this case,
phone-handed.
172
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,458
No. I'm sorry. Hated myself
the second I said that.
173
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,018
(line ringing)
174
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,557
(phone ringing)
175
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,963
Aha! Got you, Joe Biden!
176
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,764
JOSH:
Oh, Barry,
that is not Joe Biden.
177
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,266
No, this is Joe Biden.
Look at the man's face.
178
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,598
That's Joe Biden,
179
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,543
and this is his wife,
the Second Lady.
180
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,369
These are just really,
really old white people.
181
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,713
Come on. It's
still ringing.
182
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,938
MAN (on phone):
Hello.
Shh, shh.
183
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,444
Um, hi.
184
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:52,777
You stole my friend's phone, and
we would like it back, please.
185
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,283
Why don't you try
to come get it from me?
186
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,715
Okay, I got this.
187
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,621
(imitating Liam Neeson): I can
tell you I don't have any money.
188
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:04,394
But what I do have is a very
particular set of skills.
189
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,964
If you let my phone go now,
that will be the end of it.
190
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,734
But if you don't,
I will look for you,
191
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,473
I will find you
and I will kill you.
192
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,100
I won't actually kill him.
That's from Taken.
193
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,644
They need to make a sequel.
All right.
194
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,269
Good luck.
195
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,614
Aw, what?
He out-Taken-ed us.
196
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,270
Hey, he's already on the move.
He's heading toward downtown.
197
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,578
Let's go.
Uh, guys, guys, uh,
198
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,110
the area
that he's headed towards
199
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,854
is pretty dangerous at night--
I'm just saying.
200
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,949
What? USC is downtown.
It's probably just college kids.
201
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,281
One street is college kids.
202
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:30,576
The next street over
is Murdertown.
203
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:31,618
Murdertown?
204
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,022
Oh, I love Murdertown.
205
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,693
That's my favorite
Sondheim musical.
206
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,191
You know what, guys?
207
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,756
I may not have
a special set of skills,
208
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,204
but what I do have
is a special set of friends.
209
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,499
You guys.
I'm talking about you guys.
210
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,135
A little cheesy.
Okay, okay.
Nice moment.
211
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,969
All right, come on, hands in.
Neal?
212
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,644
This is a really bad idea.
213
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,873
And...
214
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,177
break!
Murdertown!
215
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,318
(gunshots in distance)
216
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,290
All right, this is it.
217
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,462
I'm gonna wait in here.
I'm gonna stay.
218
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,631
Oh, come on, man.
It's not that bad.
219
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,631
Look, there's a cop right there.
That's a homeless guy.
220
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,163
No, that's definitely a cop.
221
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,467
Look, he's, like,
investigating something...
222
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:21,128
No, he is pooping.
Oh, yeah.
223
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,468
See, I told y'all we
should've brought our guns.
224
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,043
I don't think paintball guns
would've been
225
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,872
that helpful in this situation.
226
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,337
Unless you want to add
to all of this graffiti.
Come on, guys.
227
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,476
We could be 30 seconds away
from getting my life back.
228
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,311
Neal, what happened to
kicking ass and taking names?
229
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,646
That was at an ice cream shop.
This is like the Bates Motel.
230
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:38,393
Just buy a new phone, Cooper.
I can't afford one.
231
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,418
Plus, I want that phone.
It has important stuff on it.
232
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,263
I don't have the cloud
'cause of Edward Snowden.
233
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,659
I don't care what nobody says.
That man is a patriot.
234
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,903
Yeah, guys. I think I'm
gonna sit this one out,
235
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:51,258
stay in the car with Neal,
you know, make sure he's okay.
236
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,428
You know what, I got your back.
I'm your ride or die.
237
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,436
You my Bobby,
I'm your Whitney.
All right,
238
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,438
everybody relax.
Josh and I are like that, too.
239
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,010
He's my Jay and I'm his Bey.
240
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,409
We're going in.
Beyoncé, we out.
241
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,610
We support you spiritually.
Thank you
242
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,442
for calling me that.
Good luck!
243
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,946
Holler if you need us!
You know,
244
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,779
I don't really think of you
as my Jay.
245
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:10,445
Yeah, I have no idea what
you're saying right now.
246
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:12,093
Okay, can we just
go over this again?
247
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,119
What did you say
to that guy?
248
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,053
I said, "Hi."
249
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,887
Oh, my God!
250
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,463
You are so rusty. What else?
251
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:21,531
I said, um,
"This is my friend Kelly."
Oh, stop talking.
252
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,101
No wonder he rejected you.
He didn't reject me.
He rejected you.
253
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,571
Well, the situation's
a little ambiguous.
254
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,069
No, he specifically said
he did not like you.
255
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,400
You know what, you got me
in this situation.
256
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,735
Now I have no choice
but to fix it
257
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,610
by bringing out the big guns.
258
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,039
What's up, O'Hanlon's?!
259
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,113
(cheering)
(whoops)
260
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,752
Yeah!
All right, this one goes out
to all the fellas
261
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:40,478
in the front row with
the, uh, construction boots,
262
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,623
the, uh, button-down shirt,
the cropped black hair...
263
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,450
Okay, they got it, Kells.
Drop the beat.
264
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:45,454
*
265
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:46,315
* Ah
266
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,293
* Uh, uh
267
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,421
* Ah
* Check it, check it...
268
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,787
Man, this is getting
kind of real.
269
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,927
What if we have to, like, fight?
270
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,633
Dude, that's not gonna happen.
I'm a black man, okay?
271
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,225
All I got to do
272
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,636
is puff out my chest
and act a little gangster.
273
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,499
What if they're black?
Then I just act crazy, man.
274
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,766
Black people hate crazy.
275
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,105
I got a plan for
276
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,809
every type of person
except for mermaids.
277
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,250
All right,
get ready to run.
278
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,681
Are you guys here for the party?
279
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,687
We are now.
280
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,419
And I'm looking
for my phone.
281
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,263
Britney just found one.
Why don't you come in,
282
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,289
get a drink, and
I'll grab it for you.
283
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,458
Mmm. I am digging
this new ride, my man.
284
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,698
Yeah.
It's like a wagon-shaped
living room.
285
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,644
I'm pretty happy about it.
Hey, check it out.
286
00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:39,840
Maybe this neighborhood's
not so bad after all.
287
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,783
Those kids are pretty good.
288
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,709
Usually, 99% of skateboard jumps
land with a broken ankle
289
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:44,984
and me laughing at them.
290
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,682
(both chuckle)
291
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,045
Oh!
Oh! That was awesome!
292
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,353
(honking horn)
293
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,894
(Neal and Josh shouting)
294
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,561
You! I like it!
Yeah, you!
295
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,888
Yeah, bud!
(grunting)
296
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:57,994
Nice!
297
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,862
(slurping)
298
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,625
Uh-oh.
(chuckles nervously)
299
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:04,503
This is bad.
300
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,201
What did you just do?
301
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,873
* Tell me, ma, what it's
gonna be, she said *
302
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:12,842
* You don't know
what you mean to me *
303
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:17,313
* I do, all I think
about is you *
* Oh, oh
304
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,714
* Even when I'm with my boo
305
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,747
Uh, Kelly? Kelly!
* You know I'm
crazy over you... *
306
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,422
That's my
boyfriend, bitch.
307
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,921
You have a girlfriend!
308
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,424
That's why you're
pretending not to like me.
That makes sense.
309
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,516
* East Coast,
I know you're shakin' right... *
310
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,928
You're about to get
punched in the face.
311
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,590
What?
Oh, boy.
312
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,827
(bystanders gasping)
313
00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:39,504
Uh, okay. I'm comin',
I'm comin', I'm comin'.
314
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:40,872
(shouting, grunting)
315
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:47,942
(indistinct chatter,
music playing)
316
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,605
Think we should
tell Josh and Neal?
317
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:52,112
No, I think
they're safer in the car.
318
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,975
We are going to die!
(shouting)
319
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:04,763
For real? In America?
320
00:12:04,792 --> 00:12:06,392
Oh, my God.
I love cheerleading.
321
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,856
That's my favorite sport.
322
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,425
I'm a spotter.
I can hold anybody.
323
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:12,432
(indistinct shouting)
324
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,865
Give us your money!
I will be notifying your parent
325
00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:17,502
and/or legal guardian
and will not be giving
you any of my money!
326
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,310
Here's our money.
327
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,376
Here you go.
328
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,611
I'm calling Cooper.
329
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,805
He doesn't have his phone!
330
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:28,117
Oh, yeah. Uh, Barry.
331
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:28,648
Yes!
332
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:29,721
(beep)
333
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,819
(phone ringing)
334
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,692
Hello?
335
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,158
I'm sorry.
336
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,330
Uh, I'll text
Leslie again.
337
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,659
And we'll get that phone, too!
338
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,396
And your clothes.
339
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,102
You guys will not be
getting away with this!
340
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,574
I am a lawyer and can get
you all in serious trouble!
341
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,042
Yeah, good luck.
342
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,642
Good luck.
343
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,643
That's him!
344
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:55,614
What?
I'd recognize
345
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:57,142
that voice anywhere.
346
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,607
That's the kid that
has Cooper's phone!
347
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,075
Come on, man. We just want
my friend's phone back.
348
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,754
Sure. For a hundred bucks.
349
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,592
Okay. Josh, can I borrow
a hundred dollars?
350
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:06,618
They have our wallets!
351
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:08,523
How much for my friend's wallet?
352
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,855
Ooh, this is
the best night of mine's
353
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,591
or anyone else's life.
354
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,785
I got to figure out how to get
my phone stolen by a bunch
355
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,498
of hot 20-year-olds
all the time.
356
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,629
Man...
Here's your phone!
357
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,474
Oh. Thanks.
358
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,771
Uh... this isn't my phone.
359
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,873
Oh.
360
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:25,865
Damn it.
361
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,536
You want to make out later?
362
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:29,284
Yeah, I'd like that.
363
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,609
(chuckles)
364
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,353
Barry, that wasn't my phone.
365
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:34,880
Barry?
366
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:38,485
(sultry music playing)
367
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,516
Hey.
368
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:45,727
I'm Ashley.
369
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,998
Can I ask you a question?
370
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:52,298
Is this outfit guy hot
or girl hot?
371
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,472
You are girl, guy,
animal and tree hot.
372
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,141
I'm not implying you sleep
with animals or trees,
373
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,240
but if you did,
I wouldn't judge.
374
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,342
(suavely):
I'm Barry.
375
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,914
Mmm. Ooh, la, la.
(chuckles)
376
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,876
Where is my phone?
377
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,424
* Sorry if I woke you up
this morning *
378
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,424
* It was early
379
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,186
* The sun was coming up
and I'd been drinking *
380
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,726
* Too much...
381
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:25,265
Hey!
Oh, hey, guys.
382
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,428
Sorry, I'll be
out in a sec.
383
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,836
Just, uh, keep doing
what you're doing.
384
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,268
Cooper, you still
owe me that make-out.
385
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,014
Yeah, I know, I just...
I just really
386
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:35,180
got to find my phone first.
What could be
on your phone
387
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,438
that's better than
making out with me?
388
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:40,247
Oh, you know, I have a few apps
that I, that I really love,
389
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,510
but, um...
390
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,118
probably
definitely nothing.
391
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,621
I'm sorry, there's just
something on my phone
392
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,652
that means a lot to me.
I can't explain it.
393
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,459
I'll make out with you.
Ow!
394
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,431
That was insane.
395
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,230
Yeah. Who would've thought
that a hip-hop song
396
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,132
could lead to
any violence?
397
00:14:57,164 --> 00:14:59,874
I'm sorry.
I only approached that guy
398
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,629
because I wanted
to get you to admit
399
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:02,938
that you were
really into Cooper.
400
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:03,940
Clearly, you're not.
401
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,411
No, I'm totally not.
402
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,708
Okay?
403
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,079
Although...
404
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,538
there was this one
weird moment last night.
405
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,636
I knew it-- you had sex.
406
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:11,977
No! God, no.
407
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,812
We were up at
the observatory
408
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,877
and the sun was
setting and...
409
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,876
And you had sex.
410
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,987
Would you just
let me finish?
411
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,960
We had just taken a selfie
overlooking the city
412
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,730
and... we looked
at each other,
413
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,498
and I just thought...
414
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,058
Whatever. It's stupid.
415
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,727
Aw. Kelly.
416
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,234
There's nothing there.
Kelly.
417
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,336
Hey, uh, is this your phone?
418
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,298
I thought I saw it
fly out of your hand
419
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,307
after you threw a
choke hold on that girl.
420
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,269
It is. Thanks.
421
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,378
So, what are you doing
after this?
422
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,613
I'm married with a child.
423
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:46,905
What about tomorrow night?
424
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,646
No, thank you, I'm good.
425
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,153
(chuckles)
426
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,654
Looks like, uh, baby
mama's still got it.
427
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:53,915
All right.
Not so rusty.
428
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,923
No.
429
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,285
(chuckles)
430
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,091
Josh?
431
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,298
Oh, God.
432
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,099
Look, look, look, Tina...
433
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,131
Tina, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
434
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,636
but this is not happening right
now. I need to find my phone.
435
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,038
Okay? Sorry.
436
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,276
Cooper, we are in the middle
of a Weird Science teenage
437
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,538
male fantasy and you're sitting
there looking for your phone?
438
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,277
I have important stuff
on there, man.
439
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,282
I don't know
who you are anymore.
440
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,724
So you drove all the way out
here just to help your friend?
441
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,450
Damn right.
You know, I'm a ride or die.
442
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,815
Unless I had a girlfriend,
then she'd come first.
443
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,494
How come you don't
have a girlfriend?
444
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,122
Because I just met you.
445
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:34,128
(both chuckle)
446
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,331
(gasps)
There's a fire.
447
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,503
You bet there is.
448
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,870
No, there's an
ugly, boring car
449
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,568
on fire outside.
450
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,800
Josh!
451
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,644
You want kids?
452
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,900
COOPER:
Barry!
I'll be back, baby,
453
00:16:44,937 --> 00:16:45,937
I'll be back!
454
00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:02,687
What did you do
to our car?
455
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,228
You guys really should've
come inside the house.
456
00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,938
Damn. This is the worst.
And you're wearing my Underoos.
457
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,610
Laundry day's tomorrow.
458
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,509
Wait, so you're saying a bunch
of teenagers took my phone,
459
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,942
then they took your phones
and your clothes,
460
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,446
and we're just gonna
let them get away with this?
461
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,278
Looking that way.
No. No, no, no.
462
00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:28,954
We're gonna go back to the
apartment, we're gonna regroup,
463
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,351
we're gonna get
the paintball gear,
464
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,523
we're gonna track 'em down,
465
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,121
and then we're gonna
give 'em hell.
466
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,753
Yeah!
All right?
All right, let's do it.
467
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:35,787
And break!
468
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,922
No, no break. Not this time.
469
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:38,927
Josh, you love this stuff.
470
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,258
Yeah, I do most of the time,
471
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,303
but my brand-new car
just exploded!
472
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,599
Listen...
473
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,231
I love our adventures. I do.
474
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,796
But I also love karaoke.
And a dependable automobile.
475
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,635
And the occasional
procedural drama like Bones.
476
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,711
There's no shame in that, honey.
Boreanaz is a straight-up fox.
477
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,811
No one can tell me that dude
doesn't still have it.
478
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,284
One day you'll understand
that you don't always
479
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,252
have to act like an idiot
to get what you want.
480
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,081
Come on, honey,
let's go.
481
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,151
Later.
482
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,786
Guys...
483
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,890
You coming back in, baby?
484
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,492
I can't. I got to go get a cell
phone from some teenagers.
485
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,855
You know, man stuff.
486
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,027
(gunfire sound effects)
487
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,739
This is the place.
488
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,240
That's the turd.
489
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,772
Everyone ready?
Yeah.
Yeah.
490
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,676
Oh, hold on. Let me kiss
my girlfriend first.
491
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:31,279
Ha! Is that Kate Upton?
492
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,451
I don't have a picture
of Ashley yet.
493
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,180
Look, now, remember, guys,
today we draw a line.
494
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,247
For days and years to come,
495
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:42,516
people will tell the story
of three brave young men
496
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,785
who courageously fought back
against the tyranny
497
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,864
of rambunctious teens,
498
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,603
dressed in paintball gear,
in our mid-20s,
499
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,858
about to storm a house.
What the hell are we doing?
500
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,297
I have no idea.
I'm all fogged up.
501
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,673
Long story short, your son
stole our stuff and then blew up
502
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:58,342
my brother's brand-new,
fully-loaded SUV.
503
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:01,871
Brandon, get your
sorry ass down here!
504
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,278
I'm very disappointed
in you, young man.
505
00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,854
Like I said:
special set of skills.
506
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,190
Look what I got.
507
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:17,622
Oh.
Hey!
508
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,327
Ratting out a kid
to his parents.
509
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,829
How very
middle-aged of you.
510
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,400
Yeah, you were right.
511
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,959
Sometimes the best way
to handle things is the mature,
512
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,467
non-paintball approach.
513
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,569
I'm never
watching Bones, though.
514
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,640
Well, you don't know
what you're missing.
515
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,969
It looks like they
516
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,843
kissed and made up.
Yeah. (laughs)
517
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,342
It's good, because
518
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,814
Josh means
everything to Cooper.
519
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,013
I think you might mean a little
something to him, too.
520
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,045
Can you just forget about
that observatory stuff?
521
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,320
It didn't mean
anything, and honestly,
522
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,079
I-I wouldn't go there,
523
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,986
and he definitely
wouldn't.
524
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,358
Okay, well, if you ever want to
duet again, just give me a call.
525
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,758
I do want to duet again,
526
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,489
but first I
need to heal up
527
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,864
and learn some submission moves.
528
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,697
So, to sum up,
teenagers are jerks.
529
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,770
Sorority girls are awesome.
530
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:02,769
And just 'cause you're young
doesn't mean you're invincible.
531
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,172
'Cause if you're not careful,
bad things can happen
532
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,114
that are way worse than losing
one of these things.
533
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,740
Speaking of, back up your phone,
534
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,077
because some of the things
on here are...
535
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,453
irreplaceable.
536
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,422
* Who's that girl?
537
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:21,351
* Who's that
girl? *
538
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:22,788
KELLY:
What are you looking at?
539
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:23,892
Nothing.
540
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,293
BARRY:
Hey, everybody!
541
00:20:25,325 --> 00:20:27,285
Everybody, this is Ashley!
542
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,627
She's my Bobby now.
543
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:30,762
He's my Whitney!
544
00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:31,897
Mmm!
Mmm!
545
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:35,341
That's sweet,
but disturbing.
546
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,269
Oh, one more thing.
547
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,866
I freakin' love Bones.
548
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,478
She's my Bobby, though.
We get it.
549
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:46,111
No, no, no, no, no.
Hey, guys.
550
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,475
Hey.
Hi.
Hi, Bobby-- Ashley.
551
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,975
Hi.
552
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,286
What is it?
553
00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,449
It's a time machine.
It's a landline.
554
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,117
I got it in case we ever
lose our phones again.
555
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,615
I feel like we're living
in a museum.
556
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:58,627
Yeah, let me text Ashley.
557
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,128
Oh, hold on, I want to check
558
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:01,789
my e-mail real quick.
Guys, it's a landline.
559
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,298
Can only use it to call people.
560
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,430
The last thing I want to do
is talk to people on the phone.
561
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,466
You can't say emojis, Cooper.
562
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,005
(phone ringing)
563
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,270
Cooper!
564
00:21:15,308 --> 00:21:17,438
Put your talking machine
on silent!
565
00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,879
Hello?
566
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:25,991
Yeah.
567
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,818
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
41445
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