Original subtitles

[BUZZING]

[GASPS AND SCREAMS]

You'll never escape, Timothee Chalamet!

What's going on?

Destiny, something just crawled on me.

We live in a cabin. It happens.

No, this was different.

This was either the biggest bug I've ever seen.

Or the smallest horse.

Ava, I'm sure you're just...[BUZZING]

Oh, sweet mercy! There it is!

[SCREAMING]

[SHUDDERS] It just went under the bed.

[BUZZING STOPS]

I can't find it.

It could be anywhere.

Why does Matteo have to be on a road trip?

He's our go-to bug weirdo!

Well, no way I'm sleeping tonight

with that creepy thing around.

I'm already having enough trouble

with Dream Timothy Chalamet stealing my cheesecake.

There's only one thing to do then.

We're gonna have

-to kill it. -Catch it.

What?

No. We should catch and release it,

so it can go be with its friends.

I think we should kill and release it

to teach its friends a lesson.

How are we friends?

[OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Here we are. My childhood home.

Generations of Hockhausers have

come and gone through this kitchen,

but the smell of cornmeal mush...

[SNIFFS]

...still remains.

Shouldn't we have let your relatives know we're coming?

Yeah, I'm a little worried

about the sign outside that says

"Beware of cow."

Don't worry. My cousin Cricket

and her husband just took over the farm

and they love surprises.

Plus, Pop-pop just told me

that they named their new arrival after me.

So, of course, I have to meet the little cutie-pie.

[MAN AND WOMAN LAUGHING]

That's them! Let's hide. They'll be so happy.

Myron, did you feed the leftover chicken to the hogs?

Yep. And I fed the leftover bacon

to the chickens. Circle of life.

Surprise![YELPS]

Jeepers cripes, alfrighty!

Myron, get the attack cow!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Cricket, it's just me.

Cousin Lou.

Why didn't you tell me you were coming?

Well, like I said...

Surprise!

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

You know, if there's one thing

this road trip has taught us,

it's that we should stop surprising

our family members.

Hey, Parker. What you up to?

Finn, my friend, I am deep in thought.

On purpose?

Weird.

Lou's back from her road trip tomorrow,

so tonight is my last night as camp director.

Oh, no. But you've been doing so well.

I want to do something epic tonight to celebrate.

Are we celebrating that you thought

you let Matteo slip into another dimension?

Or that you lost control

of the camp and ate a fistful of Wakapeppers.

I also brought you breakfast that one time,

and I noticed you didn't mention that.

The point is, it has to be perfect.

Oh, I got it!

We'll have a dance party.

Dancing?

Uh, I don't know.

Hey, how about we just sit down in a quiet room

while keeping our arms and legs motionless?

Just spitballing. Please do that.

Come on, everyone loves dancing.

Whoo! That one got me through

to the finals on Canada's most popular talent show,

What's that Dancing All About, eh?

Well, you guys have fun.

Dancing's not really my thing.

Well, then, let's make it your thing.

When I'm done with you,

you'll be the best dancer at camp.

Well, second best.

My Viennese waltz in the finals got

four out of four maple leaves.

One-two-three. Watch your step. [GRUNTS]

I can't believe we missed

a whole night's sleep looking

for that stupid bug.

You're not planning to use the magazine

to kill it, are you?

No, I'm just going to lull it to sleep

with this article about J. Lo's amazing new life.

[BUZZING] Wait.

I think I hear it in the bathroom.

Here, little buggy.

I'm just gonna scoop you up

so I can return you to the ecosystem.

And you can be with...

[BUZZING][SCREAMING]

It flies!

To heck with the ecosystem! Kill it!

-AVA: Oh,my gosh! -What?

J. Lo's new life really is amazing

So you and your camp friends

broke into our house to surprise us.

What a fun, well-thought-out idea.

I am sorry, Cricket.

I thought you guys would like the surprise.

I was just telling Noah and Matteo

how our farm has always had an open door policy.

Not since the tractor got stolen.

Not Pop-pop's tractor.

That was his favorite way to spread manure.

What was his least favorite way?

Well, being here really takes me back.

You know, my parents used to mark my height on the wall,

over here each year, and...

Hey! Where's my height?

Oh, we did some repainting.

The pencil marks clashed with our new refrigerator.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry

my childhood didn't match your decor.

And right over here is the Hockhauser cousins family portrait

with my face scratched out of it.

Wouldn't you know? The cat got to it. [ROARS]

Huh. Just my face?

Some cats do find your smile off-putting.

So weird. I think it's perfectly adequate.

Okay, Well, I did come all the way here

to meet my namesake.

So where is the cute little Lou?

Uh, Myron, can you go get our little girl?

Yep.

Hope she didn't wander into traffic again.

They keep the baby outside?

Must be a farm thing.

Hopefully she's safe

from that super-tall cat

who hates human faces.

You know, Cricket, I am really honored

that you decided to name your baby after me.

Here's our girl.

Lou, meet Lou Junior.

What the Hockhauser?

They painted over my height,

scratched my face out of a family photo

and named a donkey after me.

Maybe it's a sign of affection.

Oh, please, Noah.

Everyone knows you name pigs after people you respect,

donkeys are for people you're angry with,

sheep are for cool people,

and turkeys are hilarious.

Right. My bad.

Lou, if you're upset,

why don't you just have an honest talk with them about it?

Oh, sweet, sweet Matteo.

Around here on the farm,

that's not how we do things.

We bottle up our feelings, preserve them for winter,

and then the rage keeps you warm.

Lou, I'm just gonna

squeeze right past you.

Oh, I meant the donkey, not you.

It is so confusing having two Lous.

Is it? Because one of us is wearing pants

and the other one just pooped on the linoleum.

So, how long will you be staying?

I just need to know how many plans I should cancel.

Only a little while. Just long enough to figure out

how many other traces of me have been erased.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Everything they're saying sounds so polite,

but it's making my tummy hurt.

It's true. Things have changed a lot

around here since you left.

I see you've changed, too.

Owning your own camp must pay well.

That RV is mighty fancy.

I was gonna get one of those,

but it turns out that wishing well is a scam!

Oh, I just borrowed the RV from a friend.

Ah. [CHUCKLES] So you're rich

and you have rich friends.

[LAUGHING] How rich.

Okay.

My psychology professor would say

this passive-aggressiveness is very unhealthy.

He might also have some thoughts

about the deep-fried butter.

Finn, you got your dance gear on? Let's go.

It's been like 20 minutes

since I did the Futsal Shuffle.

And I got needs.

Okay. I don't know how this thing

is gonna help me dance,

but I really like how it hugs my hips.

What you are wearing is the Dancemaster 3000.

It's one of the inventions I came up with

during my entrepreneurial days.

Or as my parents call it,

the "Now we have to sell the beach house" days.

You invented this thing?

Well, I invented the idea, which is the hard part.

The scientists I hired did all the easy stuff,

like, making it work.

But we don't talk about him after he stormed off yelling,

"I won't be a part of this deadly project any longer!"

-Why? -All right, let's do this.

So, the neural receptors in this helmet

translate brainwaves into motor activities.

Hmm. I get it,

is what I'd say if I got it.

All you do is think about dancing,

and the suit will do the moves.

Let's give it a try.[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Follow me.

And, five, six, seven, eight.

Give it a pop. Pop, pop, pop.

Just think. That's it!

Let's go.

Try this. Five, six, seven, eight.

Gonna spin around, roll it down,

pull it back up, pass to you.

Let's go. Yes!

Here we go. What? That's it.

This is amazing. I can't believe I was

such a baby about this. Whoa!

Parker, what's happening?

Oh, no. I was worried about this.

You said babies.

Sometimes the neural receptors get glitchy

and they pick up on non-dance thoughts.

Wait. So are you saying

if I think about something weird, like,

a monkey running around

rubbing his butt on trees, I'll end up...

Whoa!

[KIDS LAUGHING]

Parker, that's the most embarrassing thing in my life,

and I dated a lawnmower.

Finn, I'm sorry.

Not only will I not be dancing tonight,

but I'm not going to the party at all.

And I'm never gonna dance again.

And someday, I'm gonna become

a mayor of a small town

and outlaw dancing altogether!

Isn't that just the plot of the movie Footloose?

Kevin Bacon's performance is inspired!

We are going into -that bathroom. -Yeah!

And we are going -to get that bug. -Yeah!

And then I'm gonna put on some deodorant

'cause I forgot to this morning.

I wasn't gonna say anything, but yeah.

[BUZZING][BOTH GASP AND SCREAM]

[BUZZING]

It seems bigger now!

Has it been working out?

[BUZZING STOPS]

[GASPS] Where is it?

I don't see it.

Maybe it's calling a truce?

[BUZZING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

There's no truce. There's no truce!

Quick! Wave your armpits at it.

I get it. I'll put on deodorant.

Looks like the dishes are done.

Anything else we can do?

No, thank you, Lou. You've done plenty.

All right. Well...

Oh. I see.

Boys, Cricket has just asked us to leave.

-She did? -Yeah.

She said, "All right, well..." and slapped her thigh.

And around here, that means

quit the sittin' and get to gettin'.

Don't worry. I hear your thigh slap,

and I raise you a hair flip. Come on, boys.

[WIND BLOWING]

Whoa! It is really windy out there!

I'm a city guy.

Is corn supposed to fly?

And another thing, just to set the record straight,

I am not rich. I run a modest summer camp.

Our drinking water is run off from the local splash park.

[GASPS] You keep your gasp to yourself.

How do you think you get free tickets?

You know what I think?

I think since you left the farm,

you've become...

citified.[GASPS]

-Me? Citified? -Mm-hmm.

In Lou's defense,

she still has a pet pig she takes to church.

I bet you she's too good to slaughter it herself!

That's it. Enough pleasantries.

Pleasantries?

You know what? It wasn't the cat

who scratched your face off that photo. It was me!

With my good cheese knives.

I knew it. How could you blame

Kitty Musgraves for your dirty deed?

And we named the donkey after you,

because she's...

I got that one! Not very subtle.

We did it all because we know why you let the farm.

You think that you're better than us.

That's why we don't want anything around here

that reminds us of you.

Oh, and by the way,

these two are no better.

No, no, no, no!

Us. What did we do?

This one acts like a know-it-all.

Um, I think you're projecting.

And the actor. Where are you from?

Hollywood?

No. Studio City.

Oh. "Studio City." Might as well call it

"We think we're better than everyone else" city.

No. You're thinking of Beverly Hills.

Leave my boys alone.

We did not show up here uninvited

to be treated like uninvited guests.

For the last time, we are leaving.

[SIREN WAILING]

Oh. That's the tornado siren.

We are staying!

[RUMBLING]

You know, I always thought I'd go out

in a moose stampede, or trying to befriend

a rabid possum, but not being stuck

in a storm cellar with a family who doesn't like me.

Oh, look who's bragging

about getting to hang out with a rabid possum.

Well, at least you know where you stand with them.

Very far away!

Well, if you don't like it here,

maybe you'd be more comfortable

in the back bedroom

with your donkey namesake, Good Lou.

Oh! Are you saying I'm Bad Lou?

No. You're Worst Lou.

Bad Lou is what we named the gofer

who lives under the toolshed.

Will everyone just stop?

I'm fed up with all of you

being so mean to each other.

You're all just covering the fact

that you're clearly hurt.

I mean, you don't have to take

a post-graduate class in psychology, which I have.

ALL: We get it!

[RUMBLING]

You guys need to confront your true feelings!

What true feeling?

Isn't it obvious?

Cricket and Myron feel abandoned by you.

What? Is that true?

Of course it's true!

You and I were gonna run the farm together

when we grew up. That was our dream. But then you left.

Yeah, because my dreams changed.

But leaving the farm was

was never easy for me. I've missed you.

Well, that's hard to believe when you never visit.

We thought you forgot about us.

I could never forget about you.

Family means everything to me.

And I should have made a point to stay in touch,

and I didn't. And I am so sorry.

-I'm sorry, too! -Me, too!

And since we're confessing our feelings,

I fed my dinner to the donkey.

That pot roast was dry!

I still play with puppets!

Did the tornado pass us?

-Sounds like it. -We're safe.

[EXCLAIMS] I'm gonna live!

Did you say my pot roast was dry?

[CRYING] I'm gonna die.

Finn, I know you were embarrassed out there,

but it wasn't that bad.

Everyone in camp laughed at me

and I have splinters in my butt.

Okay. It was that bad.

Listen, I was wrong.

I shouldn't have tried to make you a better dancer,

especially with the Dancemaster 3000.

It's called that for a reason.

The 2,999 that came before it

literally burst into flames.

I'm beginning to understand how you came to us.

Look, I'm sorry.

Dancing isn't about being perfect. It's about having fun.

Well, I used to have fun dancing.

But not anymore.

What changed?

Me. I changed.

Ever since I got tall so fast, I feel weird.

I'm embarrassed to do anything physical in front of people.

Dude, I get it.

Growing up, it's hard on everyone.

But what you're going through is perfectly normal.

Not for me.

It's like for the past year, I've been wearing

an Awkwardmaster 3000.

Being your age was tough for me, too.

Check out this poor goof.[GASPS]

Whoa, look at you. [GASPS]

I mean...

[EXCITEDLY] Wow, look at you.

The point is, the next few years could be awkward.

But if you let that keep you from doing things that are fun,

you're gonna miss out on a lot.

Yeah, maybe.

Look, you don't gotta dance at the party tonight,

but I would really love for you to be there.

By the way, you should delete that photo

and shoot down whatever cloud it's stored on.

No way. I never want to forget that part of my life.

And when I look back, I realize it was a pretty okay time.

You do you regret the fedora, though, right?

Oh, absolutely. My parents should have stepped in.

Huh. I thought I was taller than that.

Guess that tornado must've scared a couple inches off of me.

We'll be sad to see you go,

but I know you have to get back to work.

Yeah. I'm sorry to leave so soon,

but this drive took longer than I thought,

and I left my camp in the hands of a real life dingus.

You must be doing a great job there

because these two are actually pretty sweet.

Thanks.

As my postgraduate psychology professor once said...

Does he ever -stop with that? -No.

Well, we better hit the road.

But this time, I promise I will be back very soon.

Good, because you will always have a home here.

[CHUCKLES]

Before I go, there is one more family member

I need to say goodbye to. Lou.

We're sorry we named her after you.

Yeah, we should've name her after that tractor thief.

Three raccoons in a trench coat.

Anyhoo...

Well, looks like you've got to be the Lou around here now.

Take care of Cricket and Myron.

Especially Myron.

That boy ain't right.

Um, guys...

Was the RV always on its side like that.

No! My puppets!

We've looked everywhere for that bug.

Maybe it's gone.

Destiny, it's right there, on your trophy.

No, don't.

That's my trophy for Most Humble Humanitarian under 20.

I wiped the floor with those do-gooder losers.

I'm sorry, Destiny, but it has to be done.

Wait. Where did it go?

[BUZZING]

It's on your guitar.[GASPS]

Quick, fly back -to the trophy. -Ava!

Fine.

Oh, but I can't look.

Goodbye, guitar.

I'll always remember your wonky E string.

Ava, the bug... [GASPS]

[GASPS]

...left.

[GASPING] My guitar!

So, I destroyed it for nothing.

Would it help if I gave you my trophy to smash?

Little bit.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Wait. This is what a dance party is?

'Cause sitting around and sulking I can do.

It's like you're not the only kid that feels awkward at this age.

Come on. Let's get out there.

Seriously? You okay if you end up feeling a little awkward?

Maybe, maybe not.

But like you said, I won't know if I don't try.

And if I need something else for everyone to laugh at,

I'll show them your school picture.

[CHUCKLES] Fair.

All right, let's see what you got.

Hey, talk about old school. What else you got?

Whoo! Look at these feet.

Yeah! Try this. Wave it out. Pew.

Send it back. What? Let's go. Hey!

Yeah![ALL CHEERING]

Hey, everybody. We're back.

Already?

Parker, you threw me a welcome back home surprise party?

That was so sweet.

No, actually... Oh, you're right, Lou.

It's a "welcome back early before we even expect you to come home party".

Hey, Parker, where do you want...

Hey... Lou.

"Great job, Camp Director Parker."

Is that what we're calling you now?

Oh. That must be a typo. [CHUCKLES]

I'll talk to the sign guy.

Hey, I thought you weren't driving back until tomorrow.

Oh, there was -a change of plans. -We had to fly home.

Fly? What happened to my RV?

It's getting a little work done.

-What? -Hey, let's not even focus on that right now.

This is a party, you know. Conga line starts here.

Come on, Camp Director Parker.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

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