Original subtitles

Lou! There you are!

Yes, yes, yes. Here I am!

Definitely not trying to conceal the expiration date

on these discount fish sticks.

Okie-doke.

I have huge news.

There is going to be a new reality show

about summer camp!

I already watch one of those every day.

It's called Lou's Life.

It starts in the morning when I open my eyes,

and ends when I put on my "Life is Purrr-fect"

kitty sleep mask.

Well, now you can share Lou's Life with the world,

because they want to shoot the show here!

Only it will be called Real Camp Lives of Maine.

And people will actually want to watch it.

No offense to your adorable face mask.

Really? Why did they choose us?

It's either because they heard about

this camp's amazing reputation,

or because I wouldn't stop calling them.

We'll never know.

So we're going to be on TV?

Well, they're just shooting a test episode to start,

and then we'll see.

This could be great publicity for the camp.

And maybe, just a thought,

for an aspiring actor?

There it is.

Fine. And when would this reality show start filming?

It already has...

Hello.

I'm your producer, Jane.

But just act like we aren't even here.

Okay. [LAUGHS]

And, um... [CLEARS THROAT]

How long exactly have you not been here?

Long enough to know those fish sticks

are old enough to legally drive.

She already knows too much.

[WHISTLES]

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

This is great. I'm so at peace right now.

Yeah, relaxing outside,

doing crafts, eating snacks with friends.

These blueberries are too crunchy though.

That's because they're beads.

Oh. Then they're the correct amount of crunchy.

That's a cool flower crown, by the way.

Thank you. I love making them.

It gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Yeah, eating a bowl of beads gets you there, too.

Have you ever considered selling your flower crowns at camp?

Get a little extra spending money.

Buy some stuff.

It would be great to have my own money.

I've never gotten an allowance.

When you have clown parents,

they think pockets are just for really long handkerchiefs.

But I don't need anything else at camp.

I'm not talking about what you need.

I'm talking about what you want.

Which is like what you need, but funner.

You make a good point.

Okay, I'll sell them!

There you go! Treat yourself!

And if you have a little extra pocket change,

treat the person that inspired you.

You made the right decision coming to Camp Kikiwaka.

You're going to get a ton of

exciting material for the show.

Like an arts and crafts class?

Not just any arts and crafts class.

Our arts and crafts class

[WITH FLAIR] outside!

Usually we do them in the Mess Hall,

but for you, we're shaking things up.

Hey!

Oops, the camera wasn't on me. Should I do that again?

Nope. We're good.

Matteo and Finn,

I see you're making macaroni necklaces.

Finn, how about you walk our viewers through your exciting process?

Uh...

Line?

There are no lines,

this is a reality show.

Just say the first thing that comes to your mind.

Line!

Matteo! How about you walk me through your exciting process?

Sure.

I'm kicking things off with...

The first noodle.

And done!

Now, onto the second noodle.

Done!

Fascinating, right?

Riveting.

If you like that, wait till you see our whittling class.

Is that camper carving a spoon or a fork?

Only tines will tell!

[LAUGHS] Get it?

I'm afraid I do.

Tines. Like the pointy parts of a fork?

Gotta love utensil-based humor.

People eat it up with a... Spoon.

[LAUGHS]

Line!

Lou, are you in here?

LOU: Yeah, just cleaning up the grease trap.

I probably shouldn't be talking, though.

I might get something in my... [GRUNTS]

Hey, not that bad!

You have a visitor...

You sure do!

I came a long way to see my purty little possum patty!

[GASPS] Pop Pop?

[LAUGHS] Oh, sorry.

I almost got grease on your good traveling shirt.

Ava, this is my grandpa, Elmer J. Hockhauser.

But you can call him Pop Pop.

Yeah, we met.

He said he was looking for his favorite filly,

and I was gonna take him down to the barn,

but then he clarified.

Showing up unannounced, that is so like you.

That's why they call me Pop Pop.

Always pop poppin' in!

You haven't visited in ages,

so I thought it was high time

I spent a few days at this camp you're always going on about.

Sure could use a heapin' helpin'

of quality time with my Lou-Lou Bell!

Pop Pop and Lou-Lou Bell?

Seriously?

I brought your favorite treat.[GASPS] You didn't!

Sure did. First, let me hear it.

♪ You get corn from the field

♪ Water from the well

♪ Whenever we're together life is really swell

♪ Muck out the barn don't even mind the smell

♪ 'Cause you're my Pop Pop and I'm your Lou-Lou Bell ♪

[LAUGHS]

Yay! A lolly!

What is happening?

I'm always plumb tickled by that.

Now you go get cleaned up,

and I'll finish the grease trap.

Oh, don't worry about it, I've got it.

A scraper?

Lou-Lou Bell, that'll take you all night.

Let me go get my metal scrubber.

Oh, and one more for being special.

Thank you, Pop Pop.

Does Pop Pop's Special Girl

wanna explain what that dance was?

Wow. So many campers are

wearing flower crowns out there.

It reminds me of a Canadian music festival

like Maple-palooza or North by More North.

And, with the money I made, I bought

a professional gardening kit from the camp store.

This says to people

"Back off, 'cause I mean business."

The business of growing

sustainable fruits and veggies.

So what are you buying next?

May I suggest Maple-palooza tickets?

I heard they just booked Colderplay.

More stuff would be great,

but I can't buy anything else. I already sold

to everyone here who wants one.

Well, then level up.

I can make you a website

to sell your flower crowns online.

Keep treating yourself, lady.

Huh. I guess I could use a new watch.

Mine got broken during the Great Raccoon Uprising last summer.

I lost a lot of good jewelry that day.

Okay, I'm in! Level me up.

Awesome. Now, are you really going to lay

"Raccoon Uprising" on me, then just blow past it?

Dish.

It was the hottest...

Now it's time for our joyous nightly ritual

called campfire,

where we all sit around a campfire.

Hey there![YELPS]

Wow!

He really does keep popping up.

Was I lucky enough to get here

for trash burning night?

Making s'mores is the camp's oldest tradition,

started by our camp founder, Jedediah Swearengen.

Back then, they used to put roasted squirrel

between two pieces of hardtack.

But now we leave out the hardtack.

What you should be leaving out

is the chocolate and marshmallows.

When you had sugar before you went to bed, ooh,

you were bouncing off the walls all night.

Drove me nuttier than squirrel scat.

But the kids love s'mores.

You know I'm right.

What do I always say?

Pop Pop knows best.

Okay, change of plans. No s'mores tonight.

Ava, just start the singalong.

An end of the night singalong without any sugar?

I can't row, row, row my boat in these conditions.

Great first day.

Hey, tomorrow, if you need some theme music,

I can rock out on my trombone.

My performances have been described as inescapable.

Actually, we're done here. This camp doesn't have

the drama, the tension we need.

What? How about that whittling class?

The tension was so thick you could slowly carve it

with a very small, child-safe knife.

I'm sorry, Noah. Your camp doesn't make good reality TV.

But I need this.

I'm actually an aspiring actor,

and I was hoping this could be my big break.

No, I didn't sense that desperation at all.

Please?

Fine.

We'll shoot one more day. But if things don't pick up,

I have to move on and try out another camp.

Little does Jane know, I have a plan.

JANE: I'm literally filming you right now.

Oh, right.

Little do you know, I have a plan.

Guys, Jane doesn't think we're interesting enough.

So we need to stage a big argument for the cameras.

But we're all best friends.

I don't want to fight with you guys.

We'll just be faking it.

All Jane needs are some dramatic moments.

Or, as they say in the biz, "Oh-no mo-mos"

Ready to get started, Noah?

I don't know. There's just so much drama.

How can one cabin contain it all?

Yeah.

Matteo, you are making me so mad.

Am I? Well, uh,

you're making me so mad I could scream.

[GRUNTS WEAKLY]

Guys, she's not buying it.

We need to pull something from real life.

Matteo, remember that thing about Finn's clothes?

What thing about my clothes?

Matteo, tell Finn how you don't like

when he throws his clothes all over the floor.

Hey, I don't throw them on the floor.

I keep them on the floor. I have a system.

Well, it's a dumb system.

It's what Matteo has said many, many times.

Many, many? Maybe once or twice,

[STRAINING] but always behind his back.

The nice way.

And, Finn, tell Matteo

how you wish he'd stop talking about birds so much.

What?

Well, maybe if you stopped talking about birds,

you could listen to me explain my system.

This seems so real.

Forgive me for thinking you might be interested

to know that pigeons can distinguish between humans,

or how baby hoatzins... You're doing it again.

Birds, birds, birds, birds!

Ooh, face!

Fine. You want to talk about your system?

Let's talk about your system.

There is a flaw in your system.

Observe.

How dare you?

Those are clean floor clothes.

Go bigger.

You know what? We're just

so level ten mad at each other.

Maybe we shouldn't even be bunkmates anymore.

I think that's a great idea.

Me, too, and I have to go to the bathroom,

so I'm gonna storm out this way.

[DOOR CLOSES]

This is going to make a great "oh-no mo-mo."

Did you hear him? "Birds, birds, birds, birds."

If I do talk about birds a lot,

it's because they're fascinating.

Like how Bassian thrushes find food by passing gas.

Matteo talked to you about birds, didn't he?

I admit the farting one is amazing,

but still.

Wow, look at you.

You're like a tiny mob wife.

Thank you.

The online flower crown business is going nuts.

So I thought I'd update the look.

Good for you. You want to grab some lunch, eat outside?

I wish I could, but I have a ton of crown orders to fill.

Would you look at the time on my beautiful new watch?

I've got to go.

Maybe later, then.

Here's a five spot.

Get yourself something nice. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Well, our last scene couldn't have gone any better.

Let's talk about how we can turn up the drama even more.

"I'm giving Finn the silent treatment.

"He'll never hear my angelic voice again."

This is just a picture of an angry rocket ship.

Wow! Staying in character

even without the cameras?

Those guys are naturals.

I wonder when this is going to blow up in his face.

I hope I'm there to see it.

Noah, why did Finn and Matteo

both come to me separately

this morning, asking to be switched to different cabins?

Ooh! It's happening.

They did that? But it was just supposed

to be a fake fight for the cameras.

Well, if this reality show is gonna hurt my campers,

I'm gonna have to ask Jane to leave.

Now, now, Lou-Lou Bell.

Whoa! He popped out of nowhere.

Yeah, it's kind of his thing.

You really want to send those cameras away?

I wouldn't.

After all, any press is good press.

Hmm, I'm not so sure about that.

After all the headlines we got about sinkholes

and fires and serving expired food,

which they cannot prove.

What do we always say, Lou-Lou Bell?

But...

Pop Pop knows best.

Noah, you think you can square things up with your boys?

Yeah, I know just what to do.

I have no idea what to do.

Why do you let him boss you around?

What are you -talking about? -Grease traps, s'mores,

and now this. He's mowing your lawn, Lou.

It's just the way it's always been.

I grew up on Pop Pop's farm,

and he's used to taking care of things,

including me.

Well, you're not a little girl anymore.

I think it's time you tell him that you can take care

of yourself, and this camp.

I know, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

And besides, he's leaving tonight, so it'll be fine.

Holy mackerel!

Did you use this post

to plug up the septic tank?

Lou-Lou Bell, I taught you better than that!

It'll be fine.

It'll be fine.

If it wasn't for your Pop Pop,

you'd all be stepping in poop poop.

It'll be fine.

Well, this escalated quickly.

Destiny, where did all this stuff come from?

I bought it. Business is booming

and I'm making that paper. That's just a metaphor.

Most of my money's in crypto. I'm not an idiot.

How about a break? You have scary eyes.

Can't stop, won't stop. I'm turning and burning,

and earning, so you can start weaving,

or start leaving, Park-side-of-the-moon.

You remind me of someone.

Someone who loves nicknames and money.

Handsome, very handsome.

It'll come to me.

Put some muscle into it.

Come on now. If I chopped like that,

the internets wouldn't have turned me

into that "Ripped Grandpa" meme.

Okay, kids, that's enough. And if you agree

to not tell your parents about this tonight,

we'll all get the expensive ice cream.

Pop Pop, thank you so much

for trying to help, but shouldn't you be headed to the airport?

If you miss your flight, you won't be home in time

for the evening corn shucking.

Don't you worry your pretty little head about that.

I'm not leaving.

Pardon?

Yup, I talked to your Gam Gam,

and I'm staying here for the rest of the summer.

Clearly, you need my help to whip this place into shape.

So that works out great, right?

Oh, so he can Pop Pop in, but he can't Pop Pop out?

I feel like my head's gonna Pop Pop right off.

Wait. He's not going to see this, is he?

Give me that camera!

Noah, why are we in here again?

I already have footage of the kitchen.

I've seen how the sausage is made,

and it's with otter paws.

We're here for a reconciliation dinner.

Perfect! Those kinds of dinners are

a hit on every reality show!

I knew you would love it.

I love it when kids start throwing drinks in each other's faces.

Dang it! We should have brought ponchos.

There are my Grizzlies.

-Why is he here? -Why is he here?

Oh, We're starting that hot? Okay.

I just thought since we're breaking up,

we should have a farewell dinner.

I guess I could deal with Finn chewing

with his mouth open one last time.

I keep telling you,

the food tastes better when you add some air.

Don't forget, you guys have juice,

in case you get thirsty.

Thirsty for payback.

Before we start,

I just want to say this is nice.

Remember the first time we had a meal together?

Yeah.

We ate the sloppiest of joes

and the browniest of mounds.

We were truly kings among men.

I remember Noah wouldn't stop

talking about being an actor.

Yes. More, more.

Then you said, "Kid who falls in lake?

"I wish he would have just stayed in there."

Okay. Less, less.

Ooh! Remember when Noah was teaching us

how to hit a birdie in badminton,

but by mistake, he swatted an actual bird?

Or how about that time he thought your slipper was a mouse,

and then he screamed and jumped into Lou's arms?

[SCREAMS MOCKINGLY]

Yes, we're laughing about silly things

that happened to all of us.

MATTEO AND FINN: I don't want to move out.

BOTH: I don't want to move out either.

Boom! Reconciled.

Wait! No.

Reconciliation dinners aren't actually

for reconciliation.

They're supposed to make things worse.

I need something big.

And here it is.

A big old group hug.

Bring it in, Grizzlies.

No hugs!

Look, I'm almost done filming this episode.

It's got everything. Deep-seated family issues,

weird bird facts, gratuitous Canadian wordplay.

All I need is someone throwing a drink in someone's face,

and we've got the perfect episode!

But my boys fighting isn't perfect to me.

If someone doesn't throw a drink, there's no show.

Do you really want to ruin your chance at being a big star?

If that's what it means, fine.

I never should have got them into this.

They're not throwing anything.

Then I'll do it.

Get ready for a juice bath.

No! I forgot my bleach pen!

What in the heck fire is going on here?

These boys won't throw a drink, so I'm going to do it.

I'll just edit it in later to make it look like they did.

Oh, no, you won't. Put the juice down.

Lou-Lou Bell. I've got this.

No, Pop Pop. I've got this.

I never should have let you come to this camp.

I thought a reality show would be good for this place.

But only if it reflects the reality

of what Kikiwaka's all about. Fun and friendship.

People don't tune in for that nonsense.

They tune in for this!

Watch yourself, ma'am.

That's a pretty blouse.

It'd be a shame if it got crangerined.

You don't have the guts to throw that at me.

[SCOFFS] You know what?

You're right.

Maybe I don't.

-No, my footage is ruined! -You're darn tootin' it is.

Now get off my land!

Well, I'll be.

-Thanks, Lou. -No problem, partner.

Good thing she high-tailed it out of here,

because I was madder than an unbroken bronco

getting stung by a scorpion in a patch of pricklies.

You can stop talking like that.

But I don't wanna.

-Destiny? -How do I get that money?

Oh, no! I've been asleep for five minutes!

That means I'm three flower crowns behind,

and I need this exact same tracksuit in blue!

Destiny, this has to stop.

Look at you. You've become a stuff-obsessed fanatic.

Essentially me.

It's like looking in a mirror, a funhouse mirror

that makes me shorter and more shimmery.

But I'm treating myself, like you said.

When's the last time you treated yourself

to a breath of fresh air? Or a hike?

Or something else that's boring, but good for the soul?

It's been a while, but isn't more money a good thing?

I used to think so, until you showed me

that I could enjoy this camp without my money.

And you were enjoying camp too.

Remember? How making flower crowns

used to make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Yeah. Now I just feel all hot and sweaty.

This tracksuit does not breathe.

Look, I'm not saying you can't run your own business.

You're really good at it.

In a way I super want to exploit one day.

But for now, you should only be doing it if it makes you happy.

So let me get this straight.

You, Mr. Bowling Alley in his Three-Story RV,

are telling me I should level down?

Weird, right?

Before you know it, I might even be downsizing my sneaker closet.

-No, you won't. -No, I won't. They're my babies.

You know what?

You're right. I'm gonna return everything

and get back to what makes me happy,

making crowns for fun.

Although it might be kind of hard to return the pony.

There's a pony?

How many crowns did you sell?

Hey, Pop Pop.

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but...

Lou-Lou Bell... Let me finish.

Here's the thing.

This is my camp, and I'm in charge,

and not to toot my own horn, but I do a great job.

Here, Lou knows best.

I'm beginning to realize that.

I've never seen that side of you before.

That's because you've never given me the chance to show you.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

Even though you still want me to be.

You're right.

I haven't treated you like an adult,

and I'm sorry.

I guess I still see you as the little girl who always

followed me around the farm.

Maybe I just miss you needing me.

Pop Pop, I'm always gonna need you.

I just don't need you to take care of me anymore.

You raised me better than that.

I guess I did.

I guess it's time for me to go home.

You got this, and I'm so proud of you.

Thanks, Pop Pop.

I'm proud of me, too.

And I'm proud of you too!

Holy-moly! She just popped out of nowhere.

Is that what it's like when I do it?

That's plumb obnoxious.

Yeah, that was the next heart to heart we were gonna have.

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