Original subtitles

Good evening, we decided to utilize,

assembly line methods in the making of our shows,

mine is the last operation,

you will notice one of our productions coming along now,

also saccharin,

a little pruning,

a one,

two commercials,

three commercials,

ah here's another one,

I can see this is going to keep me quite busy,

in the meantime suppose you look at one of the finished products.

FINAL ARRANGGMENTS

-Good morning. - Good morning. -Can we be of assistance?

Well uh yes I’d like some information.

Well of course,

you have lost a loved one, eh?

Well it's rather difficult to talk about.

Well of course, shall we step into the uh counseling room?

Thank you.

Uh please sit down.

Now...

I’d like some information,

well about a funeral.

Well of course uh,

at a time like this relatives usually has a number of questions,

now I I think you'll find it easier if we fill out this form.

-Form? -For the necessary details,

the uh, disposition of the remains, the,

the name of the deceased and and so on.

Could that wait for later? um I’m really interested in in the arrangements.

Oh certainly I I understand exactly,

shall we start with the uh caskets then?

If it's customary...

Oh certainly, we always want our clients to know exactly what they're getting,

so we uh step this way?

Now uh here's our dignity service,

this model has been most popular with our clients,

this model not including a floral selection, and a gift to the officiate,

would cost uh uh 2600 dollars.

-2600? -Too expensive?

Never mind,

over here we have something a little bit cheaper,

scale to meet the needs of everyone,

the uh peerless model,

it combines simplicity with good taste.

Actually, what I had in mind was something more,

colorful.

-You mean something more elaborate? -Yes.

Oh in that case,

allow me to,

recommend this,

our supremacy service.

the casket of finest mahogany,

with bronzed embellishments,

and lined with quilted satin,

our private chapel banked with flowers,

music by the finest organist in the city,

a service if I may say so fit for a king,

and the cost is only 4780 dollars,

think of it as a last tribute to your loved one.

-I’ll take it. -You will never regret the supremacy service,

now, for a few uh necessary details,

uh what physician signed the death certificate?

Well I’m afraid there isn't any death certificate.

-No death certificate? -No. -Well this is uh, most irregular,

but, what is the name of the deceased?

Well there isn't any deceased,

yet.

And then Leonard I had to get up and I had to drag,

myself just as sick as I am all the way to the front door.

-Mr Thompson? -and it was that man from the cleaners.

Cicero honey now shh, mama's talking.

Leonard? Now listen to me he wanted,

the bill for the last two months, now I gave you the,

money for that bill then and what did you do with it?

Did you spend it at that terrible old curio shop? because if you did,

Leonard you know I’ve told you if you,

waste any more of our money that way,

oh Cicero, oh now shhh.

-Leonard? -Elsie I haven't been to mr Bradshaw’s shop for a couple of months,

and to,

you must know the truth,

there was a collection made in the office for one of the girls who had an accident,

well of course I gave it to them,

I didn't want them to think that my wife just only gave me lunch money,

no Elsie, I didn't mean it that way,

if you would only listen to me, I,

-Mr Thompson? -Yeah hold it, what?

-Mr Andrews is waiting it's very urgent. -Yes I know, I’ll be right there.

Thank you. Elsie I can't talk to you now, I’ll call you back.

All right Leonard, you go, but don't think that I’m going to forget this,

you have no idea of the value of money I have to drum it into you,

you're going to have to realize that money doesn't grow on trees.

Mr Bradshaw?

Hello?

Mr Bradshaw?

Well, mr Thompson, haven't seen you in quite some time.

-Well your door was unlocked. -Well I was about to close up,

what can I do for you?

Well if you're closing maybe I better come back another time.

Oh no I wouldn't hear of it. As a matter of fact,

I’ve been wanting to get a hold of you,

show you some stuff that I got here,

-Oh good. -Here,

take a look at this witch doctor's mask,

-came on the Solomon islands, ugly thing, isn't it that? -Yes.

-Ceremonial mask? -Yes it's uh,

using the head hunting dance before the tribe sets,

out to lop the noggins off a few of their neighbors,

-would you like to have it mr Thomsom? -No, thanks,

I’ve already bought two masks from you.

So you have, how so ever here's a little item that you might enjoy,

it's a blue gun made by african pygmies,

shoots poison darts.

-Poison darts? -That genuine article,

here,

you see that brown goo there on the tip?

That's the poison,

I got this from a french sailor,

I haven't even had a chance to clean it off yet,

pygmy blows,

the dart hits a monkey up in the tree,

down comes the monkey dead in the door nail,

just a scratch is all it takes.

-Really? As quick as that? -Yep.

As a matter of fact maybe I...

I couldn't sell it to you till I cleaned it up,

can't go around selling people poison darts now could it?

-No I guess not. -However,

if you want it too wide and lay it away for you.

No I’m just looking today, to tell the truth my wife doesn't like my hobby.

Women, they just don't seem to have the,

spirit of adventure do they mister Thompson.

-They sure don't. -But as long as you're here,

let me show you a couple of beauties I got in from Persia,

here,

take,

hold it,

feel that balance,

and it's just as sharp as razor,

whyte go into a man like cutting hot butter,

Yeah, but once you got it in,

how would you get it out?

I think this will help you mrs Thompson.

Thank you dr Maxwell I know it will,

and I’d like you to stop in again tomorrow just to check.

-Yes of course you want me to. -Oh I do, because doctor,

you don't know how I suffer sometimes,

you know that for 15 years I’ve been an invalid because of him,

-ever since he took me on that horrible trip to Haiti. -Haiti?

Yes, oh that's where I had my accident,

he insisted that I go with him and I climb some old ruins,

and I got dizzy and I fell,

and I was in a cast for months,

and then this pain started,

doctor, do you think if I got some heat treatments it would help?

Well mrs Thompson if you take my advice...

Leonard is that you?

Well come in. You're late Leonard.

-I had a few things to attend to. -This is dr Maxwell.

-Doctor, my husband. -How do you do mr Thompson?

I’m glad to have the chance to meet you, I was just telling your wife I think she,

ought to have a little exercise such as walking.

Dr Maxwell has been so encouraging.

Thank you.

-Until tomorrow doctor. -Right, mrs Thompson.

I brought you milk.

Another new doctor Elsie?

You really don't want me to get well do you Leonard?

Years ago dr barns said you should have some exercise.

Never mind what dr Barns said,

you're disappointed because dr Maxwell is going to help me,

You'd just rather I would die wouldn't you Leonard?

How can you say such a thing?

You think I don't know it?

Ever since you dragged me off to that horrible,

trip to Haiti you've been wanting me dead,

so you could go on your trip to the south seas,

or the orient or any one of those nasty little foreign countries.

Well, Elsie I’m sorry about the accident,

-I know it's my fault. -You go to that curio shop,

and you get out of there and you think you're Leonard Thomson great white hunter,

or something equally idiotic,

Leonard you're pathetic you couldn't kill a mouse.

I might surprise you Elsie.

The only way that you could surprise me is to act like a man,

and you're going to have to,

you're going to have to ask for a raise,

you're going to have to make more money,

you're going to have to hire a real housekeeper because I’m sick of your cooking,

and I’m sick of that sloppy cleaning woman who comes here only once a week,

you are going to have to take care of me Leonard,

the way a husband should take care of a wife that he has made a crip of,

you know what dr Maxwell said to me?

he said that if I take care of myself,

I can live another 30 years,

you hear that Leonard? another 30 years.

Ah mr Sims...

-Mr Thompson... -Mr Sims I want you to handle all the details.

-Well fine, you still want the supremacy service? -Yes,

and here is four thousand seven hundred eighty dollars in cash.

I want four thousand seven hundred eighty dollars of sim service.

Why, quite so mr Thompson quite so,

you will be completely satisfied,

-we will outdo ourselves. -I’m counting on that.

Now for a few necessary details,

what is the name of the deceased?

You don't have to worry about that now,

here's the address, I want you to come by tomorrow evening to collect the body.

Yes but,

this is most irregular.

Shall we say tomorrow evening at eight o'clock?

-Eight o'clock? -Sharp.

Look out mr Thompson I can't stop.

All right, I'll catch you, here we go, there.

-Thanks mr Thompson. -You almost took a tumble.

-You dropped something. -Oh thank you.

What is it?

Well Billy that's called an amulet,

that's a good luck piece for somebody going on a trip.

You're going on a trip? -Yes, I am.

I’d like to go on a trip.

Billy you are on a trip.

-Me? -Of course, you know every day can be a new adventure,

someplace else to go, somewhere new to see,

and even if you have to stay here in one place,

and there are books and pictures that can,

take you to the far corners of the earth, and you know Billy,

it could be a wonderful adventure,

you must be careful not to take a wrong turn or,

you'll end up in a stagnant swamp,

and there's no way out,

you try not to do that.

I don't understand.

Well I guess I was thinking out loud,

I have to go Billy, take care.

Goodbye mr Thompson, have a nice trip.

Hey mr Thompson, if you like to travel,

maybe you'd like to come to see the movie.

-What movie is that? -At our school, it's about India,

my teacher gave me six tickets to sell,

they're only 50 cents each.

Is that all? well, I think I can afford that,

-let's see now. -Thanks mr Thompson, they're the first ones I’ve sold.

All right so long.

Hey mr Thompson,

you forgot your tickets.

Billy Howard get off my lawn.

But I have some tickets for you, it's a movie at our school.

I’m not interested now you know, you children are forbidden to come on my lawn.

But mr Thompson already paid for these tickets,

it's a movie about India, tomorrow night.

I said I wasn't interested, mr Thompson knows that I never go out.

I can't I’m not well enough now go on use the walk.

If you're not well enough how can you go on a trip?

What trip?

What are you talking about?

Mr Thompson told me he was going on a trip.

He did, did he? And where is this trip to?

He said just as far away from here so he could get.

where's that?

It's no place at all,

he isn't going anywhere.

Thank you.

Excuse me,

do you have some red poison?

Yes sir,

now if you have rats this will take care of them.

Is that painless?

I don't know I never took any.

Of course, I’m really looking for something that's painless and quick.

It sounds like you're planning a mercy killing.

Here's what you want,

now this is the newest stuff,

and I’ll never know what hit,

all right before you can buy that though,

you have to sign a register.

What's the reason for that?

Oh it's it's nothing serious just so we can keep track.

-Is that you? I want to talk to you. -Yes I’ll be right in.

How did you get in? I didn't hear the front door open.

I came in through the kitchen.

Snake didn't you mean,

well where have you been?

I had to work late at the office.

You never had to work late before, your job is that important?

I have to make some final arrangements.

For your wonderful trip?

-My trip? -I heard all about it,

Billy Howard told me, now Leonard you can forget all about that,

there's no money being spent around here on any trip.

Well,

it's too late to change my plans,

I’ve quit my job,

You what?

That's right, it's something I should have done a long time ago,

oh look at this,

here's the insurance policy,

five thousand dollars I’ve cashed it in,

and I’ve already spent four thousand seven hundred eighty dollars of it.

-You're lying? -Oh no, I’m not,

job is gone, the insurance is gone,

there's 220 left of that money and 20 dollars in our savings account,

there would have been more of course but you spent every cent,

I ever earned on medicine and doctors for,

that illness you seem to enjoy so much?

The things is you're having a nervous break...

I am not having a nervous breakdown!

at last I realize what I have to do,

anything would be better than to spend another 30 years, of the kind of life I’ve been leading with you,

you've been out with that accident in Haiti 15 years ago, you're strong as a horse.

Stop that, you stop it and you stop being idiotic,

you're not going any place because I won't let you.

There's nothing you can do about it,

I don't know where I’m going exactly,

but any place would be better than this.

You're out of your mind.

There's someone at the door you better answer.

Me answered?

Did you hear what I said? Answer that door!

All right Leonard.

-Hurry up! -All right.

Good evening madam.

What is it?

We have come for the body as instructed.

The body?

Yes madam.

Leonard...

I would like to make it clear that the appearance of a suicide on our program,

in no way constitutes an endorsement of this,

as a solution to life's problems,

there are many better means to get out of a difficult situation,

money for example,

and now I shall return in a moment.

That is all for tonight,

I wonder if we could leave out commercials now and then,

big brother never sleeps,

good night.