Original subtitles

Good evening ladies and gentlemen I hope you didn't mind that interruption,

this trip was my sponsor's suggestion,

he wanted to show off his diving prowess,

you see he's the gentleman who just went over the side,

now he's jerking on the line I intend to ignore him,

his messages are always the same,

always just like this one coming up.

A SECRET LIFE

The coffee's getting cold dear.

-Marjorie. -Yes dear. -I want a divorce.

-Divorce? -That's what I said I want a divorce.

-Why? -No special reason.

Well there must be a reason dear.

Well, just let's say I I want to be free.

Well, you are free.Yyou have the gallery and,

this lovely house and you come and go as you want.

-Jim it's not another woman? -Oh no it's nothing like that it's just a,

well I�m bored I guess that's just nothing to look forward to.

I mean you got to admit we don't mean very much to each other anymore,

-I wouldn't say that. -Well I say it.

There's nothing left of our marriage and you know it.

Oh what you need is a good holiday.

I don't need a good holiday or any other,

kind of holiday I just want to be free,

Jim I don't understand you, is it something I�ve done?

No no it's nothing you've done is just,

well I just can't stand this sort of existence any longer we're just molding

away to nothing, well I don't want it like this for the rest of my life.

What do you want me to do about it?

-Nothing, I�m going away. -Going away?

-Yes. -Where are you going? -Well I I don't know.

-Well you just can't take off into the blue. -Oh yes I can.

-You can? -Yes.

Well Jim whatever you do I�ll never divorce you,

I don't believe in it as far as I�m concerned we're married and that's that.

Oh we'll see about that.

-I�m uh going now. -Very well,

-then I�ll pack for you. -No don't bother,

just have Nancy send my things down to the gallery.

The music is just great you know the sand just feels great on your toes.

No.

-No this isn't right. -What do you mean what isn't right?

You've got your shoes on.

Oh no isn't that better.

Yes much better.

I wish this didn't have to end.

Oh so do I.

-but it's your wife... -Yes I know.

-Why is she so difficult? -Let's not talk about her.

Let's talk about us.

But how can we still living? If we're ever going to,

be together something has got to be done about Marge.

-Well, something will be done. -What?

I don't know but uh,

-you'll think of something. -You bet I will.

We're going back to LA tomorrow and I�m going to,

see Johnson my lawyer and get something started.

ATTORNEYS

I�m afraid mr Howgill that uh lacking an agreement between the,

parties involved, there's just no way of being free of your wife.

You mean as there's nothing you can do for me?

I could take action if she provided the ground,

you know mental or physical cruelty perhaps,

-but you've indicated there's nothing in that area. -Oh, no no no,

-my Marjorie�s not like that. -And you are the one who deserted.

Now you're quite sure that she won't take action?

Oh I�m yeah I�m quite positive mr Johnson here,

Margie said she'd she'd never give me a divorce.

Um, you know there's really nothing unusual about your case mr Howgill,

may I be personal for a moment,

when a man married as long as you have,

been reaches your age he sometimes becomes restless,

cases like yours can be resolved through reconciliation,

Oh no,no mr Johnson, look I assure you that I�m quite serious,

I have no intention of ever going back to Mageory.

I see.

You were mentioned having been away for a couple of months,

had the thought occurred to you that uh women,

not accustomed to living alone sometimes seek the uh,

-companionship of others. -Oh yes yeah well,

Marjorie has a lot of friends you know.

That wasn't what I meant I,

I had referenced to the uh companionship of the opposite sex.

No mr Johnson oh not Marjorie,

oh no, I bet on that.

That may be so but it does seem my only promising possibility.

Yes I�m sure but you you obviously don't know much mr Johnson.

Well it is an avenue that we'll bear looking into at any rate,

I�m going to send a man around to see you,

his name is uh Bates, now where are you staying?

Well I�m staying at the gallery for the moment uh did this man Bates sir,

is he a detective?

Yes he is and you'll find him most discreet and quite capable,

and if there is any uh uh activity,

in the field to which I had reference,

he'll be the one to uncover it.

Well frankly I think this is a waste of time mr Johnson but,

well I suppose if it's the only thing to do, we,

we've got to do it haven't we?

Oh good morning can I help you sir?

-You're mr Howgil? -Yes I am. -Bates.

Oh yeah yeah, Bates won't you sit down, and please mr Bates.

From what mr Johnson had to say about your case I can see no great difficulties,

he said you seemed a little reluctant to employ our firm,

let me assure you that mrs Howgill will never know she's being watched.

No, look Bates I didn't say that...

I am a private investigator,

investigator mr Howgill not private eye,

you mustn't confuse the genuine article with what passes for him on television,

neither I nor any of my men ever become,

involved personally with any of our clients,

what's more we don't even carry guns,

well let's get down to business now to begin with there must be eight-hour shifts,

union rules mr Hawgil and Bates associates is,

prepared to work with three shifts around the clock,

-now I suggest... -Now wait a minute, Bates...

-Something wrong mr Hawgil? -Yeah something certainly is wrong.

Now look I wasn't too sold on the idea of,

spying on my wife in the first place but I,

need a camp on a doorstep 24 hours a day? well,

it it seems to me it's overdoing it a little.

Please sir we don't camp as you put it we,

merely blend with the scenery we're not amateurs.

No of course you're not amateurs face I fully realize that but I,

do you think we're going to need all that watching?

8 a.m to 4 p.m, 4 p.m to midnight,

midnight to 8 a.m which ones do you prefer?

Well leave the 4 p.m now midnight ought to be enough.

Mr Howgill how will we know where your wife,

is if we start at four in the afternoon?

Well all right then make it two watches then.

Which one shall we leave out?

Midnight to 8 a.m.

Mr Howgil, that watch has proved to be the most rewarding of all.

I said leave it out Bates.

Very well, now we can get started,

if you'll just give me your wife's description her address...

It was yesterday that it happened I had the,

4 p.m to midnight watch myself you see.

Look I don't care who had the watch baits just get to the point.

Uh all right ah here we are at 8:05 pm,

the subject left the house in the company of a man who called,

for her in his car, they seemed on good terms with each other,

-and then... -You can stop right there Bates and explain that point?

Since you asked, she kissed him when she got into the convertible.

Kissed him in the convertible.

A black convertible with a white top,

rather fancy if I may say so, but to go out.

Yeah yeah go on Bates.

They drove to the sky house where they held hands and had three martinis,

Three? Marjorie, Marjorie had three martinis?

Three martinis,

they left the sky house at 1007, went to the club royale on the,

strip for supper and dancing returning to the house at 11:51 p.m.

-Well and then Bates? -And then,

it was midnight mr Howgill the male escort was still,

in the house when I was forced to abandon the watch.

You mean to tell me Bates you were banning,

the watch when the guy was still on on the premises?

Please sir you could hardly expect me to work into,

the third watch when it hadn't been agreed upon,

but I dare say it would have worked out,

to your advantage had I been able to do so.

Yes well do it then Bates, I want to know everything the whole story.

The third watch then?

Yes Bates the third watch.

Soda or water?

Uh please dear.

Now what kind of an answer is that I said soda or water?

Oh I�m I�m so sorry Estella, soda please.

-Yeah this will make you feel good. -Oh yeah yeah thank you doll.

Are you perfectly comfortable?

Oh yeah yes I�m quite comfortable thank you.

-Well may I join you? -Oh I mean please do.

Oh there that's better.

-Oh what's the matter? -No nothing, what, why?

Well tonight you just seem sort of different,

distant, are you are you thinking about someone else?

Oh don't be foolish as still you know perfectly well there isn't anybody else.

Yes there is there's Marjorie.

Oh yes I know we we both know about that and well uh,

nothing we can do about her at the moment.

Do you know how many times you've looked at your watch tonight?

-Do you? -Well I�m sorry still it's it's uh, it's business I,

-I was gonna tell you but uh but... -What?

what did you mean to tell me?

Well you see I, I got a business appointment at the gallery tonight.

-At this hour? -Yeah, yeah I was going to tell you but,

well I thought you might misunderstand,

you see in this kind of business there are no regular working hours,

I�ll be back.

-Wait for me now. -I live here remember?

Mr Howgill, mr Howgill...

-Oh it's you Bates... -You shouldn't be seen here.

-How long has this been going on? -The last car drove up about,

half an hour ago, the black convertible the one in front,

-that's mr Brandon�s. -Brandon's?

Niles Brandon the actor.

-Darling, that wasn't too long was it? -No.

Would you mind turning that thing off?

Well I thought you liked that record?

If you want my frank opinion I think it's insipid,

I�ll tell you what I think is insipid

you were saying one thing and doing another,

there was no business at the gallery, I called and there wasn't any answer.

You had no right to go checking up, I,

mean even Marjorie wouldn't do a thing like that.

Well I am not Marjorie and that is just the sort of thing I do.

All right asel all right I, I went for a ride I I wanted to think I,

oh I don't know what's wrong with.

I shouldn't have said those things,

I�m sorry.

Just isn't the same since we came back from Acapulco, just not the same,

I�m sorry Estelle what did you say?

Oh, never mind,

you don't even know that I�m here.

Oh of course I know you're here.

Well you give very little evidence of it,

once more I�ve come to the conclusion that you don't even want a divorce,

I think you'd like to be rid of me and go back to her.

Oh Estelle that's not true not true at all.

-Isn't it? -No.

Hello?

It's for you.

Yes, what?

it's the only car left,

no no no you don't need to do anything more,

Baits now you've done quite enough already yes,

yeah I�ll handle it from here on,

no of course I wouldn't do anything like that,

yes I said I�ll handle it from here on,

yeah,

goodbye.

And just what are you going to handle or maybe I,

should say who are you going to handle, Marjorie or me?

-Oh come come Estella. -It evidently it hasn't occurred to you,

that I might be very interested in the status of your marriage.

-Oh but I wouldn't. -No no you're too interested in looking at your watch,

and keeping phony business appointments,

well for your information mr Howgill I have finally had it I am calling it quits.

-Oh no you can't. -No no I refuse to play,

nursemate to that battered psyche of yours any longer,

goodbye mr Howgill. Goodbye.

Goodbye, goodbye Estelle.

Jim?

Oh why hello there Marjorie.

-How nice to see you. -Well I just thought I�d,

drop by.

Oh, well I�m glad you did.

You're a glad?

Yes.

Why, why should you be glad?

-Why? -Yes.

I suppose it's because it's been so long since I�ve seen you.

Oh yes yes it certainly has been a long time since you've seen me but,

uh I expect you've been keeping yourself fully occupied lately, eh?

-Well I�ve managed to keep busy yes. -How Marjorie?

-How? -Yes.

Oh I uh been to the bridge club and I visited my cousin in san Francisco,

I saw a few plays and I developed a few new uh,

-hobbies. -Oh really?

But you wouldn't be interested in those.

On the country I would be most interested in those,

what sort of hobbies Marjorie?

-Well, mosaics for one thing. -Mosaics?

Say, nothing else?

But Jim why are you so curious?

Oh Marjorie, don't uh, don't you know?

-Should I know? -Oh come Marjorie,

now look you haven't just been playing around with mosaics,

I mean you've acquired some new and interesting friends now, haven't you?

Well how did you know about them?

Them?

Well I mean, I�ve talked a lot about you, is it someone happened to mention it to you?

Oh so you admitted that you admit you've been getting around a bit later,

you've been having a very gay time, eh?

-Well of course. -Good heavens I might have known.

Jim,

why wasn't the same as being with you.

I,

it's so nice to be home again.

-Why don't you stay darling. -Believe me I,

never leave you alone again.

-Oh it's Perry. -Hello mrs Howgill.

I thought you were in New York?

Darling that's films for you I fully expected to be gone today,

but it's just been one conference after another.

Oh yes of course.

Darling did you find my cigarette lighter?

Oh yes yes I just have it right here.

Oh good Niles would never forgive me if I�d lost it.

Now where is that oh here it is. Oh Jim,

this is my husband, Jim I�d like to have you meet miss Perry.

All right.

-How do you do miss Perry? -How do you do?

-here you are dear. -Thank you.

Miss Perry sublet the house for the past month while I was away in san Francisco.

Oh yeah miss Perry sublet the house the whole time you were in San...

Well I do hope the house wasn't left in too much of a mess, I had the cleaners in...

Oh not at all dear everything looked beautiful, thank you.

And I do know that your neighbors will be relieved your back.

Why should they beam sperry?

Well I had a couple of rather noisy parties,

especially the last one.

Well I really must fly now. Goodbye.

-Goodbye mr Hawgill. -Goodbye miss Perry.

You, you mean Marjorie, that, that, that,

she sublet the house and all the time you were away?

Yes darling I told you while I was in san Francisco to cousin Bridgette,

wasn't it lucky that I could support it for the whole month?

Yes yes darling, yeah,

very lucky.

Those of you who admire our dear sponsor,

as much as I, will be glad to know he's approaching a record,

for staying underwater without air,

he left this note to be opened,

in the event he didn't return,

let's have a look at it.

That sneaky sponsor of ours came up on the other side of the boat,

he holds me responsible for the defective equipment,

next week I should be back with another story,

actually I suspect I�ll be here all week,

until then,

good night.