Original subtitles

Good evening.

Tonight we have another treat for those,

of you who enjoy a peek behind the scenes.

I�m sure most of you imagine that years of thought and work,

go behind the creation of a television situation comedy series.

You are absolutely correct.

However modern science has managed to distill and concentrate,

all this work into this small package.

'Instant situation comedy'. All you do is to add water.

You don't even have to stir.

Contains the ingredients for a complete cast together with recorded laughter,

and a large supply of the following:

retorts witty, replies devastating,

quips modest, reproof parental,

mohs ball, and takes double.

All that is necessary is to slice the results into 39 segments.

That is what I would term a population explosion.

I better come in with you. You may need me.

I�ll never forgive myself if anything's happened to her.

-Mrs Evans what's happened? -It's all right Lucy she's fine.

-Hello. -Is the doctor here? -She insisted that I call him.

It might not have been necessary but I thought I�d better humor her.

-Thank goodness you were here. -I just stopped by I thought you might,

-like a little company. -Oh thank you very much.

-Oh what are neighbors for? -Lucy is that you?

-Coming mama. -I wait down here. -Yes you better.

Don't look so frightened dear I�m all right now.

-Are you sure mother? -Perfectly sure.

-Isn't that right dr Larson. -Quite right.

You see? Did you have a nice evening dear?

-It was all right. -How's Arthur? -He's fine.

And his mother. She hasn't been to see me for the longest time.

Well she lives so far out in the country, mother, Arthur scarcely ever sees her himself.

She's such an active woman.

Must be wonderful to be able to get around like that.

-Can I get you something mother? -Well a cup of tea would be nice.

I�m sure dr Larson would like some coffee.

No thanks I must be getting on, good night mrs Baldwin.

-Thank you doctor. -I didn't do a thing.

-Good night Lucy. -I�ll see you to the door I�ll be right back mother.

She is all right isn't she, doctor?

You know as well as I Lucy that she didn't have an attack.

It was staged for your benefit.

Because I was out with Arthur?

Because you were out at all.

Lucy if you take my advice you'll stop giving in to her,

you can't stay cooped up in this house 24 hours a day.

I feel so guilty if anything happened to her here alone.

Nothing's going to happen to her.

It's about time you started thinking of yourself young lady.

-I think about myself all the time. -Then stop thinking and start doing.

It's all wrong Lucy, what are you letting happen.

Well it was a bad day she was very restless.

Well we'll see to it that it's not a bad night.

Yeah put one teaspoon in her tea and she'll sleep right through.

-That way at least you'll get some sleep. -Thank you doctor.

Now remember one teaspoon only it's strong stuff.

Good night doctor.

Well satisfied?

Yeah she's all right.

In other words the same old thing again. Much ado about nothing.

-I�m afraid so. -Well that settles to, Lucy. I can see you're never going to do,

anything about this all happend.

I�ll have to, I�m not gonna let you put off our marriage any longer.

-Darling you know I don't want to. -But you keep on doing it.

Believe me your mother doesn't need you.

Arthur, she thinks she doesn't. That's the same thing isn't it?

No no no. You always worry about what your mother wants.

But what about what you want. Or what we want.

You see, we're not children anymore.

You don't have to tell me that.

All right then,

-look darling I�ve tried to be patient. -I know you have, and I�m very grateful.

Grateful? Well there's nothing to be grateful about?

I love you and I want to marry you, but I won't wait forever.

Arthur it won't be forever just give me a little more time.

No no Lucy, now I had made up a mind even,

before this happened. That I was going to,

settle this tonight once and for all. Now you've got to make a decision.

You either want to marry me or you don't?

And I want your answer tomorrow, and I mean it this time.

Don't worry again.

-You shouldn't have bothered dear. -It was no bother mother.

-Lucy are you angry with me? -Why should I be?

I don't know but you're certainly not acting very nicely.

I�m sorry, you were frightened but I certainly couldn't help having an attack.

Couldn't you?

Well that's a funny thing to say, of course not.

I did so want you to have a nice evening not have anything spoiled.

Oh stop it mother, just stop it.

But what kind of a way is that for you to talk to me?

You did not want me to have a nice evening you did not want me to go out at all.

You're tired my dear you wouldn't talk such nonsense.

Yes, I am tired, I am tired of pretending to believe you,

when you lie there saying one thing and meaning another.

Lucy, I�ve never seen you like this.

Everyone else is running out of patience today why shouldn't I?

But what have I done?

What you always do mama,

you were perfectly impossible all day today because I was foolish enough,

to tell you that I was going out this evening and then to finish it off.

You pretend to have a heart attack when I come home,

to make me feel guiltier if such a thing is possible.

What a dreadful thing to say.

I suppose Arthur�s been putting these ideas into your head.

He doesn't have to I�m not a fool I just act like one.

I don't think I can't discuss it anymore.

Tonight you're obviously overall and I�m not well enough...

You are perfectly well enough.

I think I�m more capable of judging that than you.

And more capable than the doctor mama. He said there,

was no reason for his being called out here tonight.

-Well that was highly unethical of him. -No just honest.

Mom don't you see what you are doing to me?

I am 34 years old, pretty soon I�ll be 35 and then I�ll be 40.

And I�ll still be right here I�ll still have nothing.

What did Arthur say to you tonight to bring all this on?

-It isn't what he said, it's everything. -What did he say?

He said that he wanted to marry me but that he wasn't going to wait forever,

-but he was asking me for the last time. -My dear...

that would be by far the very best thing that could happen.

-For whom, you? -No not for me I�m thinking of you.

-You mustn't marry this man. -Or any man.

-Isn't that what you mean? -No it isn't.

If he were a suitable man who was in love with you..

He is in love with me.

Oh my dear don't make me say things that will hurt you I don't want to.

-I�m only trying to protect you. -Mama I�m going to marry him.

I must say, it Arthur doesn't love you.

-It's the money he's after. -He knows I haven't any money.

He also knows I have.

I actually believe that you'd say anything to get your way.

Oh think what you like of me but don't throw away your life like this.

The money comes to you when I die and I very little time.

-Oh please. -It's true, whether you believe it or not I know it.

When that happens you can do as you please but until,

then I won't let you make this dreadful mistake.

-It is not a mistake. -Very well then.

If you trust him tell him.

Tell him you'll marry him and when you do, I'll change my will.

I'll leave everything I have to charity.

-That won't make any difference. -And there's no problem.

Tell him, tell him tomorrow.

Or are you afraid to risk it.

-Are you? -Yes I am afraid.

Look at me, why should anybody want to marry me now?

Are you satisfied? Is that what you wanted me to say?

My dear you're a lovely woman.

-Everyone can't be a great beauty. -As you have reminded me so often mama.

-My dear loose... -Mama I don't care even if what you say is true, I want him.

I have got to have someone.

I have been by myself long enough.

-Hello. -Hello darling. -Oh hello Arthur.

-Are you all right? -Yes I�m all right. -You're not angry?

-No I�m not angry. -And you do understand how I feel?

I thought I�m very tired tonight, I can't,

cope with yours or anyone else's feelings.

I see. Then I�m to take it your answer is no.

I didn't say that Arthur, I�m very tired you'll have to give me a little more time.

No Lucy no more time.

Lucy Lucy, did you hear me?

Yes Arthur I heard you.

You'll have your answer tomorrow, good night.

I�m sorry mama, I didn't mean to lose my temper.

That's all right we all do one time or another,

it's better than bottling everything up inside.

-Perhaps it is. -We forget all about it.

-I know you didn't mean any of those things you said. -No I didn't.

But you did didn't you mama.

If you mean about Arthur I�m afraid I did.

And I don't suppose there's anything that I could say to make you change your mind.

Not when I know I�m right.

If I was uncertain do you think I�d have used the threat of that money_

-I didn't enjoy that. -I�m sure you didn't.

-But you would do it wouldn't you mama? -I�d have to.

It's for your own good.

Well as you say mama we better just forget all about it.

-Try not to feel too badly. -Oh I nearly forgot,

dr Larson left you some medicine mama.

He thinks you need building up.

-Two tablespoons. -As much as that?

You can take it your tea mama. That way you won't even taste it.

Thinks you humoring me?

Leave the trade here.

Good night Lucy.

Lucy Lucy you forgot the sugar.

Oh thank you mrs Evans she got so annoyed if I forget anything.

Lucy Lucy what is it?

I�m afraid she's gone dear.

She must have been sicker than we thought.

But mrs Evans she wasn't sick enough to die.

What are you looking at?

What is the top doing off this bottle.

I gave her one teaspoon full that's all.

She was supposed to have and then and then I closed it.

-I don't understand? -Why would she take more?

I warned her not to, I told her what the doctor said.

Mrs Evans why would mother want to die?

Iif she did it she must have done it for you.

You were right about your mother Lucy and we were all wrong.

You said you would never leave her while she was still alive.

And she wanted you to marry Arthur and be happy.

You've been so kind mr Simon everyone has.

Why shouldn't. They be everyone knew how devoted you were to your mother.

-Well now what are your plans? -Well I don't really know.

-Arthur wants to get married right away, you know. -I think you're lucky.

Having such a dependable man standing by you through all this.

There's still so much to do I haven't even talked to you about settling the estate.

Oh you don't have to think about that.

-What do you mean? -Well I can handle everything without bothering you.

See your mother was a very meticulous woman she kept all of her bills paid up and,

uh the insurance will cover the cost of the funeral and,

since the annuity ceases at her death there's really very little to settle.

-Annuity? -Well yes.

Well you knew that's where your mother's money came from didn't you?

Yes of course.

Frankly I was against your father's,

investing his money in that fashion but,

uh law you can only advise and your father wanted it that way and,

-so did your mother. -I�m sure she did.

I beg your pardon.

-I�m sure mother wanted it if father did. -Oh oh yes of course.

Well they were both so sure that you'd be married and well taken care of...

-How do you see they were right. -Yes weren't they.

Well mr Simon you must let me know if there's anything I have to do.

-Now there won't be a thing. You just invite me to that wedding. -I will.

-Hello Donna. -Hello Arthur.

-Well, Simon I guess I�m here just in time to say goodbye. -Just about.

Goodbye miss Baldwin nice to see you again mr Clark and good luck to both of you.

Thank you.

-There's something wrong? -No.

You're a lot more cheerful when I left you last night.

-Come on what is it? -I don't want to talk about it.

-Well Lucy look... -Arthur, please.

All right if you don't want to talk about it you don't.

Well what should we talk about?

Our wedding?

-Arthur I�m still not sure. -Uh, too late.

-Made all arrangements for Saturday. -Saturday?

That's right, that'll give you time to shop for the trousseau,

and do whatever else you have to do.

My trousseau. What am I supposed to use for money?

-I don't understand? -Mother's money came from an annuity.

It stopped at her death there's nothing left for me.

Just like your mother...

-And I bet she didn't tell you either didn't she? -No.

Lucy,

is that what this is all about? Is that why you're so upset?

Oh darling what difference does it make?

I�m not rich but I�m not starving.

Hey wait a minute did you think it it would make a difference?

Not really but I was so frightened.

You are silly. Forget about the money.

Let's talk about something important.

Like uh where we're going on our honeymoon.

-Wherever you say. -All right.

Now let's not plan anything we'll get in the car.

We'll just drive and drive, wherever we want to go.

That sounds wonderful just wonderful.

-Is that you dear? -Yes mother it's us.

Oh you look lovely I felt so terrible about missing the wedding.

-Anything that mattered dear? -My mother, I didn't know you were ill.

You mean Arthur hasn't told you?

Of course he hasn't he didn't want to spoil your wedding day, did you dear?

-Well mother she's been through so much lately. -Of course.

Well I had this terrible fall down the seller's steps.

And here I am, and at my age dear.

It's a serious matter.

-Mother you mustn't think that way. -What way can I think?

It's terrible to look forward to bein bedridden.

Doctor has no idea when this will heal.

Patience patience he says could be.

I�ll have to be patient for the rest of my days.

-I�m so sorry mother. -Well,

these things happen I certainly am glad you've,

had so much experience taking care of your,

own mother and Lucy dear I want you to know,

how sweet you are to give up your honeymoon.

You don't mind do you? Arthur said you wouldn't.

You see he couldn't possibly afford a private nurse for me.

-Yes I can see that. -Unfortunately,

this house is plenty big enough for all of us and now take off your,

things and make some tea and we'll have our own little celebration.

Just the three of us. Arthur you show her where to go dear.

Lucy Lucy wait a minute.

-I�m sorry about this. -Arthur when did your mother have her accident?

-What difference does that mean? -Was it before mother died?

Well yes I suppose it was a day or so before.

-A day or so before. -Lucy.

Lucy dear I�m so uncomfortable could you come and help move me dear.

She must be in great pain we'll have to ask the doctor for some sleeping medicine for.

-Lucy please, hurry. -Coming mother.

That may not have been situation comedy for Lucy,

who was caught on her next try,

but perhaps the rest of you found it amusing.

I should be back after the following,

which is designed to sober you up.

Next week our situation comedy takes place in far off Denmark.

Junior overhears a scrap of conversation and quite naturally jumps to the conclusion,

that his uncle murdered his father in order to marry his mother.

This amusing misunderstanding leads to a great number of hilarious situations.

And to the death of all four principles. I�m sure you'll enjoy it.

So tune in next week when we present,

Junior Caesar Ghost. Good night.