Original subtitles

Good evening.

Something must be done about this, on this roof alone.

There are three reindeer and a stalk caught in the antennae.

We certainly can't have that.

It interferes with reception. The picture becomes quite grotesque,

Allow me to illustrate.

You see what I mean? It's rather like home movies made by Picasso or someone.

But enough of this.

You tuned in to see a story.

And I�m certain you don't want to spend the time looking at a negative.

But first one minute from a man who is a positive thinker.

A WOMAN'S HELP

Ten seconds.

Five, four, three,

two, one, all right.

Exactly three minutes mr Burton, just how she likes it.

Oh thank you Chester.

And be sure that there's a clean napkin on the tray,

mrs Butron said the last one was soiled.

Yes sir and how is mrs Burton feeling this morning?

About the same as usual.

Oh yeah I better go up to her.

You certainly took your time how long does it take to cook an egg for heaven's sake.

I�m sorry, dear.

I just hope this woman you hide looks after me better than you do, Arnold.

Please give me my tray.

-What time does she ride anyway? -Uh a train gets set at nine.

Perhaps I�d better send Chester to the station now.

-Is he very anxious? -I just don't want miss Greco to feel lost that's all.

All right tell Chester to get started.

I suppose she'll be some frittery blonde with 10 thumbs and a bad permanent.

I�m sure she'll be fine the nurse's registry recommended her highly and you saw her,

references. Now you need a woman to look after you Elizabeth you said so yourself.

Oh honest stop yammering and go.

Arnold,

as soon as miss Greco arrives

send her up here I want to look at this creature.

Miss Greco is here sir.

How do you do mrs Greco? I�m Arnold Burton.

Oh will you take ms Greco�s luggage up to a room please.

-Yes sir thank. -Thank you.

Well won't you uh sit down miss Greco you must be tired after a long trip.

A little.

I hope you're going to be happy with this ms Greco.

My wife needs a woman to look after.

I�ve been doing everything I can of course but uh,

well, as she herself suggested,

a practical nurse would be so much more,

practical.

-You uh you know about her ailment? -Yes I do.

Well it's, it's nothing dangerous but it is rather unpleasant for her.

She's uh in bed most the time she just hobbles about a bit.

She's practically never out of her room except for walks in the garden.

And she's, she's very fond of her little walks.

I see.

What uh...

-would you care for cigarette? -No thank you.

Yes, it isn't uh this nursing she needs as much,

as companionship you, you know how women are.

Yes.

Well I, I certainly hope you're going to, be happy with this miss Greco.

Well that's, that's her bell I expect she wants to see you now.

It's, uh it's right this way.

Here's miss Greco, Elizabeth.

How do you do mrs Burton?

How do you do miss Greco?

I�ve just been telling miss Greco how we've been looking forward to her arrival.

Yes, well, I expect you want to change.

Your room is down the corridor two doors from mine.

-If you'll excuse me. -Of course.

Well, where did you get her? From the folly berger?

Oh really Elizabeth...

Oh she didn't fool me for a minute she's a chorus girl if ever I saw one.

I suppose you think you're being very clever don't you.

Nothing of the sword.

You chose her yourself, remember?

The references sent by the nurse's registry, never saw the woman before.

-But you admit that she's pretty. -She's attractive yes.

-But not pretty no. -Very well..

Well, she may stay it should be interesting watching you two.

But make no mistake about it Arnold I�ll be watching.

Already Elizabeth you're talking nonsense.

I know you Arnold I know you inside out,

I can hear your romantic little heart beating.

I know the kind of man you are you're the kind of man that's always dependingon women.

Oh, for one thing or another.

Do we have to talk about this now?

-First it was your mother. -You've never even met my mother.

Your sister told me, your mother did everything for you.

And then me. There's always been a woman to help you.

-Now Arnold isn't that true? -You're not being fair Elizabeth.

Go ahead. Tell your miss Greco,

she's hired.

In faith I do not love thee with mine eyes,

but are they in thee a thousand errors note,

just my heart that loves what they despise,

who in despite of you is pleased to dote.

Arnold if you must read poetry can't you find something better than that?

Elizabeth this is Shakespeare.

It's a lot of romantic glop If you ask me.

Why can't you read me a good novel?

Well I thought you might like a little poetry for a change.

I might but you read it so badly.

Well miss Greco,

you try.

Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tuned delighted,

nor tender feeling to base touches prone,

nor taste nor smell desire to be invited to an essential feast with thee alone,

but my five wits know my five senses can,

dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,

Foolish is right, don't you think so Arnold?

-I�m sorry I wasn't listening. -Not listening? Oh what a pity.

-This Greco reads so beautifully. -Shall I go on.

Please do, Arnold appreciates that kind of thing. Don't you Arnold?

Don't you?

Very much.

-I�m cold I want to go in. -Of course mrs Burton.

-Well come on, come on. -Yes, dear.

Oh I didn't realize anyone was here.

-It's quite all right. Look, please come in. -I�ve been having trouble sleeping.

I often do that's why I come down here I have a glass of hot milk.

So, it's the only thing really.

-I�ll say can I fix your one? -Please don't trouble.

No no, no there's no trouble, not at all here.

Here, sit right down here at the table.

It's high time if somebody waited on you ms Greco.

-Thank you. -All right.

Well they kept you hopping these, uh past two months.

I haven't minded.

-You've been wonderfully patient with her. -She isn't that much trouble.

Um you can be honest with me.

I�ve been a nurse for the past year.

Yeah, weren't you a little brandy, miss.

No thank you.

It must be terrible for you seeing her like this.

Especially if you you love her a great deal.

Yes it would be awkward, but...

My milk is getting cold.

I�m sorry.

-I love you. - I love you too.

But it's hopeless isn't?

It depends on what you mean by hopeless.

I mean marriage of course.

That is what you meant isn't it?

It would be ordinarily because you know I�m a very married man.

There are divorce courts.

Yeah, also poor houses.

I don't have any money on my own you know I�m not used to,

-having no money. -That's all there is to it?

-You can't admit that. -What else can there be?

I won't be a backstreet wife.

That's a dreadful novelettes phrase.

I prefer lover.

And I prefer wife.

There must be something we can do.

This isn't fair to any of us.

Except for Elizabeth.

She's not gonna get any better.

She is get more miserable every day.

You, uh you know that medicine that you give her every night...

-You mean the nine o'clock sedative? -Yeah.

Now when um when doctor I have first prescribed it for,

he warned me that it was very strong.

She's so uncomfortable at night it helps a lot.

Yeah, you know, about the proper dosage and all that don't you?

Yes, I know the drug could be dangerous.

That an overdose could affect the brain.

Possibly cause hemorrhaging.

Yes, naturally you wouldn't make any mistake about overdosing.

Of course not.

gonna be foolish.

Very foolish.

So easily detectable.

However isn't it true,

that it wouldn't be detected if it were administered,

a little bit at a time? That is,

three extra drops every night have the same effect as an overdose.

-Only not immediately. -Yes I believe that's true.

She become weaker every day.

-It's bound to be a symptom. -Yes but not necessarily a scribal to the drug.

And the uh, the amount in the bottle,

would hardly be noticeable, don't you think?

I suppose so.

Um how, how long do you think it'd take before...?

I really can't say.

Just this is a guess.

I would say,

about two months.

That'll be June.

Good morning darling, well how are we feeling this morning?

-Arnold your cheerfulness is depressing. -I�m sorry dear.

What are you dressed up for?

-Oh. I thought I might play a little tennis. -No you can't.

-Why not? -I want you to read to me this morning.

well can't miss Greco do that?

I�m sick of the sound of miss Greco�s voice and frankly, Arnold,

I�m sick of everything about miss Greco.

Really Elizabeth you know how helpful she's been.

Has she? Then why do I feel so much worse?

Well you really can't blame her for that.

Did I tell you that dr Ivey wants me to enter the hospital for observation?

Well if he really thinks it's necessary...

He says this loss of appetite is serious.

Oh I�m sure there's nothing too serious.

-How can you be so sure?

-I suppose the doctor should know what he's talking about.

But you know how you hate hospitals. Besides,

what would I do without you?

I wonder.

And if you wait a few days? And if you don't feel any better you go to the hospital.

But let's, let's not talk about it anymore.

I�ve got to run, I�ll be late for my game.

-Arnold? -Yes? -I�ve already told dr Ivey.

That I�ll enter the hospital the middle of next week.

Well if you really think that's best Elizabeth.

You realize what this means don't you?

They give her a thorough examination they're bound to detect the overdose in her system.

What should we do?

Perhaps we stopped.

No, no, it's too late for that.

But, eh,

there is another way, of course.

You mean increase the dose.

Just another couple drops.

Do you still love me?

Oh, what a pretty picture.

Go right on with it Arnold don't let me interrupt you.

You forgot to give me my sedative.

And I couldn't find the bell I had to walk down here all by myself.

But I�m glad I did, I wouldn't have missed this for the world.

Please mrs Burton you mustn't think...

Quiet, you I�ve had enough of you understand that?

-Quite enough. -Eh, no you're mistaken, Elizabeth uh,

miss Greco Millie has something in her eye.

I know she does.

You.

But she's one woman you won't lean on again Arnold.

-I want to out of this house tomorrow. -Mrs Burton please, listen.

You're fired. And if Arnold was my employee instead of my husband,

maybe I�d fire him too, but he's my husband.

Understand? He's my husband.

Now you can help me back upstairs Arnold.

Tomorrow you'll call the nurses registry and arrange for a substitute for miss Greco.

Only this time I�ll interview the candidates personally.

Yes Elizabeth.

Poor Arnold.

Elizabeth what are you doing out of bed?

You'll overtire yourself I didn't want to miss the great farewell scene.

Besides I�m feeling so much better this morning.

I called dr Ivey and told him to cancel the hospital appointment.

-I don't think I�m going to need it after all. -That's fine dear.

-Right poor Arnold you look so upset. -Stop it Elizabeth.

There's always been a woman's help, hasn't? There only now she's gone.

You have to depend on me again.

Poor little sick me.

Arnold, did you do what I told you did you call the nurses registry?

Yeah yes there'll be uh three candidates here this afternoon,

for you to choose from starting at two o'clock.

-Good- I uh I was thinking of going out to a movie if you don't think you'll need me.

Go ahead see a good romantic movie full of passionate love scenes.

Get it out of your system.

-Did you enjoy your movie? -Was all right.

Well our problems are solved I�ve found the perfect woman.

-She's already started work. -I�m glad that they all show up on time.

The first two are impossible too young but the third, ideal.

She's in the kitchen why don't you go down and have a look at her.

-We seem to find it amusing. -Amusing?

Why should I?

Go on downstairs and look at her.

Go on Arnold.

Does she want me, your missus?

I was just making a pot of coffee.

How do you like her?

How do you like your new dream girl Arnold?

My wife gets her sedate at exactly nine o'clock. You won't forget it, will you?

No of course not.

-You're sure that you understand about the dosage? -Oh yes I understand.

Just three more drops than it calls from the bottle.

That's right. It shouldn't take long to finish her off now.

Oh I, I certainly appreciate this,

mother.

Well that's the way the bustle bounces.

Now we have some medicine of our own we must take.

After which I shall reappear. Courage now.

It may be bitter but you'll feel better when it's over.

By the by, Arnold Burton's attempt to achieve,

single blessedness was frustrated by his mother.

At a crucial moment the poor woman became completely adult,

due to an overdose of cooking sherry.

Next week...

This is amazing I never saw a stalk at work before.

I hope they have a lay ready.

They'll find that isn't Santa coming down the chimney.

Good night.