Original subtitles

Here. You starting all over again?

What about itif I am?

Well, supposing the police was to come along?

I et them come.

The windows are all steamed up. The doors are locked.

It's like a turkish bath in here.

It don't half make you thirsty.

Here. Watch your ring with my stockings.

Move over a bit, then.

Get your knee off the steering wheel!

I can't. I'm stuck.

Here. Look out. T'll do it.

Oh, that hurt!

I told you before to be careful where you put your legs.

I was only trying to be helpful.

I can help myself.

Hello.

They never make these cars big enough, do they?

Well, you all settled in?

Right. We can begin.

- My name is... - Alfie?

Alfie.

I suppose you think you're gonna see the bleeding titles now.

You're not, so you can all relax.

- Alfie. - Here.

What time did your old man say he'd be waiting at the station?

Oh, never mind about him.

That's just who I am gonna mind. Never spoil a good thing.

That's a thing you women can't get into your heads.

Come on now, enough's as good as a feast.

You've soon changed your tune.

Well, that horn put me off.

I hate the noise at a time like that.

Eh, mate?

- Here, don't forget your napkin. - T won't.

Do you know what I thought first time I saw you put your handkerchief

- over your shoulder? - What?

Thought you were gonna take out your fiddle.

I come from a musical family, don't I?

- Here. - What?

Mind you don't catch cold.

I've had a lovely time, Alfie.

A married woman, see?

They're every one of them in need of a good laugh.

It don't never strike their husbands.

I always say, make a married woman laugh

and you're halfway there with her.

Course, it don't work with the single bird.

Starts you off on the wrong foot.

You get one of them laughing, you won't get nothing else.

Here, just listen to it.

It was dead glum when I met it tonight.

I listened to all its problems, then I got it laughing.

It'll go home happy.

Where did you tell your husbana you were going?

Pictures with olive.

- What pictures? - Just the pictures.

Never be vague like that. It plants suspicion.

No wonder there's all this broken marriage and divorce about.

It would never occur to that husband of mine

that another man would wanna take me out.

No, I see what you mean. Here.

Suck these sweets, siddie, so he don't smell the gin.

I don't care if he does smell it.

Be human. You and me are having a good time. Why should we hurt him?

- He's done us no harm. - You like to see everybody happy.

Well, I don't believe in making anybody unhappy, not if I don't have to.

Or in making an enemy.

You could be crossing the Sahara desert

and he'd be just the bloke you'd run into.

Yeah, well, what about next week?

Same time, same place?

Maybe.

I'll go and get me ticket.

What she don't know is, we won't be seeing much more of her.

She's on her way out.

When a married woman gets too hot on, it's time to cool off.

The next thing she'll want is to introduce me to the husband.

I can see it coming.

- Well, I'll say good night, dear girl. - Yeah.

This is a ticket for the firm's dance on Saturday. I'll treat you to it.

Won't your old man be there?

Yeah, I'd like you to meet.

Good night.

Don't forget your napkin.

Yeah. Well, I'm like the boy scouts, ain't I? Always prepared.

Blimey. Once I've met the husband, it don't half put me off the wife.

1 mean, he could be dying on his bed,

but if I ain't met him, I won't think about him, will I?

It's once you meet.

Likely as not, he'll turn out to be a real good sport.

His sort usually are.

As I'm having it off with her, I keep thinking about him

hanging up his drip-dry shirts

or arguing in the pub about football or cricket.

You get a lot of his sort, Chelsea supporters.

Hello.

Had a nice time, dear?

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Good film?

There was a queue, so we didn't wait. We went to a restaurant instead.

Did you enjoy yourself? That's the main thing.

Well, I did me best. What about you?

I've been going through that garden catalog that came this morning.

Very interesting.

Hey, you should go out more often. Do you good.

You come back ever so cheerful.

- Made over again, you might say. - Yeah.

Now I'm off to visit a little bird called gilda.

And while she ain't exactly stupid, she is a bit on the simple side.

She'd never make a number one.

I mean, you couldn't take her out and show her off.

She ain't an exciting dresser, but she's a cracking little stand-by.

And for another thing, she ain't a Liberty-taker.

Most birds go mad to get hold of a bloke,

and the first thing they think of is how to go about changing him.

Now, I told gilda from the start that I ain't the marrying sort,

and you know what? She don't mind.

She's a stand-by and she knows jt.

And any bird that knows its place in this world can be quite content.

Alfie?

Did you forget your key?

Humphrey, it's you.

Yeah, I'm sorry for coming round so late,

but, well, you know, I was just passing by.

Yes, I see.

Only I just finished work and, you know, was like feeling a bit lonely

so thought I'd, like, you know, pop in.

Yes, I see.

Have I come at an awkward time?

I am expecting Alfie any minute.

There ain't half a pong in here.

On, it's phul-Nana, scent of araby. Don't you like it?

No. I like everything to smell just as it is, natural. Know what I mean?

I got your meal ready.

Never push things at me soon as I come in. I hate anything like that.

- I like to get me bearings first. - Just as you like it.

That's enough of that and all.

I saw that geezer Humphrey going off.

Here, here.

You're not having it off with him, are you?

Alfie, I can't bear another man to come near me since I met you.

Well, I just wondered.

Did he just call to give you these chocolates, then?

No. He called to tell me he loved me.

Love you? Blimey, some men are funny.

Alfie, do you love me?

Well, shall we say, I like you a lot.

Now, well, I will have that grub after all.

Hot water bottle?

She's getting a bit previous.

Hello.

Is today the 22nd?

Yeah, I think so.

Shouldn't our little friend have arrived on the 19th?

Oh, don't worry, he'll turn up. He always has done.

He's usually so punctual.

You know, Alfie, I had a really good day at the café today.

Took over £50 on the till. Isn't that wonderful?

What's so wonderful about it? It's not as if it was your money.

Well, I like to think of them doing well.

Besides, it keeps me busy.

Ain't it time you started that fiddle I told you about,

playing the piano on the till?

Oh, Alfie, I coulan't.

That must be the only till in London that ain't bent.

Luigi and his wife, they treat me like one of the family.

There's all the more reason to do them.

Alfie, I'm happy as I am.

You could still be happy with a few hundred quid

instead of tuppence-ha penny.

Now, look.

The one thing you gotta get into that little head of yours, girl,

is that nobody don't help you in this life.

You gotta help yourself.

Why, if you'd only fiddled 5 Bob a day,

you'd have 200 nicker on one side by now.

Money isn't everything, Alfie.

That's only people who ain't got none talk like that.

I've always haa a fiddle on every job I've done

because a fiddle gives you an interest in your work.

And I believe that everybody should take an interest in their work.

- There's another little job done. - Yeah.

You sound cheerful, elkins.

Yes, some mornings I feel quite chirpy.

Yeah? Not all that chirpy on what I'm paying you.

You must be working a nice little fiddle.

That's defamation of character. I'll report you to the union.

Oh, come off it. How do you think I got where I am?

I'm quite satisfied as long as you do the job well.

But don't get greedy,

otherwise you'll kill the goose.

I tumbled at once. I should never have whistled.

Never be cheerful on a job if you're doing a fiddle.

You re getting careless these days, alf.

- You can say that again. - How do you mean?

Little gilda, she's pregnant.

- No. How long? - Couple of months.

You ain't thinking of getting married to her?

What, me in my state of health?

Sorry. Full up.

Room for just one more inside.

Oh, Humphrey, I'm glad it's your bus.

- Are you? - I haven't seen you for so long.

Well, you don't need flinging downstairs

to know you're not welcome.

- I'm sorry. - That's all right.

- I've missed our little chats. - Have you?

Two sixpennies, when you've got the time.

1A.

I've never seen vou looking lovelier.

I still can't get you out of my mind.

How's... how's Alfie these days?

He's fine. Fine.

Mind you, it doesn't hurt like it used to.

- What doesn't? - Well, you know, the old heartache.

Still, I wouldn't be without it.

You haven't got engaged or anything like that, have you?

No, nothing like that.

He doesn't rush into things, Alfie.

I don't expect you'll ever be needing me, but if you do, I'll...

I'll always be there.

Bye, gilda.

God bless.

Hello, Alfie.

You're late, girl.

I ran all the way.

Any news? Any reports from the front?

No.

It doesn't look like it.

We've definitely got to do something about this little lot.

I... I've tried everything, Alfie.

You've been taking stuff on the quiet?

You don't wanna make yourself ill, you know.

Alfie...

- You're not getting cooey lately. - I'm sorry.

And you're not only cooey, in @ way you're more bossified.

It's as though I've got to take notice of you, instead of you of me.

I don't know how to describe it, but I can feel it.

- Do you love me? - And what can I say when you ask?

You shouldn't ask, you know. Ili tell you, when I feel like it.

- I'll go and make the coffee. - Yeah. Make it strong.

Alfie, I was thinking.

Why can't we go through with it?

Blimey, what an horrible thought.

I've never been through with anything in all me life.

I mean, if I was to marry you, girl,

you'd might gain a husband, but you'd lose a good friend.

You don't have to marry me, Alfie. I've got it worked out.

I don't care what you've got worked out.

Think twice before you turn an innocent little creature out

- into this worla. - T wouldn't turn him out.

I'll have him adopted.

Adopted? What are you talking about, adopted?

Well, by a rich woman, see?

- A rich woman? - I'd like to do that much for him.

I'd be certain he'd have a good life, then.

Steady on, girl.

I mean, you can't be sure there's something there yet, can you?

This morning, I thought I felt him kick.

Kick? How the hell can they kick? It won't be the size of my thumbnail.

- I'll tell you next time. - You'll do nothing of the sort.

You don't wanna give way to your impulses like that.

Because something a woman might think natural,

like as not, a bloke would find a bit sickening.

Mrs. artoni at the café used to call her husband every time their baby moved.

What you don't realize is that men are more sensitive than women.

Remember that big bird I used to dance with at the locarno?

One Sunday night, she showed me her operation scar

what she had made when she was a kid.

A long scar it was with all white skin around it.

You know what? I got straight out of bed, I did, and put me clobber on.

"What's up with you?" She says.

“I'd sooner go out and see a bleeding horror film" I said,

"than a thing like that.”

Alfie, please.

Please, can I, you know, go through with it and have the baby?

What are you asking me for? It's yours, innit?

Nobody in this world has any right to stop you doing what you wanna do.

Oh, steady on, girl.

Now then, now then.

Don't break your bleeding heart.

If you wanna do something Ana you think it's right, you do it.

To hell with them. Mind me shirt.

Now...

You know what? She was quite happy them months she was carrying,

which to my mind was a bit out of place in a way,

her not being married, see?

Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a time,

especially in the early months.

And I told her, I says, "blimey, girl, you ain't as ugly as I thought."

Anyway, her time comes,

and into the hospital she goes to have it.

I wasn't there, so I didn't know till they told me.

Then, from all accounts, the kid comes out at 3.

Right bang on the minute, you might say.

Alfie?

I didn't see you there. You look all different.

- What do you mean? - Oh, sort of mumsy.

I... I put my name down as Mrs. elkins.

- Was that all right? - Course it's all right.

Put your name down as who you like. It's a free country, innit?

I brought you some flowers.

Well, I didn't wanna be seen carrying them.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, freesias. How delightful.

I'll put them into a vase for you, Mrs. elkins.

Well, what do you think of your little son, Mr. elkins?

- My what? - He hasn't seen him yet.

Here he is.

He's the image of his father.

Yes.

I can see more of me in him than you.

What are you gonna call him?

I thought Malcolm Alfred.

Malcolm bleeding Alfred?

He'll never forgive you if you give him a name like that.

Here. He's moving. Quick, you better take him.

Nah, the mistake I made with gilda was getting involved.

I was having a beautiful little life and I couldn't see it.

There was this manageress of a dry-cleaner's.

And I was getting a suit cleaned in the bargain.

Well, you can't turn something like that down.

Then, there was this chiropodist woman

from a foot-comfort service I was having it off with.

She used to cut me corns handsome, she did.

Blimey, I never had me feet in such lovely condition.

I was hopping about like a little fairy.

She's got a little ginger mustache.

But I find I'm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman,

provided she's got something else to make up for it.

Well, that's what we're all here for, innit?

To help one another out in this life.

Then there was dora, this little bird from pimlico I was having it off with

every Monday and Wednesday

when her young man was at his body-building classes.

And on top of them, there was always the odd bird

that came my way by chance.

Oh, what a lovely baby.

- Yeah. - Is it yours?

No, no. It's my sisters.

So why I had to get involved with gilda, I do not know.

What's that brown round his mouth?

It's that bar of chocolate I gave him.

Oh, Alfie, you shouldn't.

You smell a bit milkified.

Oh, I'm sorry, Alfie. I'll have a wash.

No, I don't mind. It smells mumsy.

How long you gonna keep him on the breast-feeding caper?

Oh, as long as I can, Alfie. It's the best thing for him.

You don't let yourself get too attached to him, you know.

Why shouldn't I? I'm his mother.

And I'm his father, but you've gotta be fair.

You've gotta think of him.

What about this rich woman?

What rich woman?

Rich woman you was gonna get him adopted to

so he'd have a fair chance in life.

I got to think about it. I can't rush into it.

You better make up your mind quick, one way or the other.

Why? Why should I?

Well, because he might get so drawn to you,

he'll fret his little heart out when they come and take him away.

Who says they're gonna take him away?

That's what you saiq,

that you were gonna get him adopted so he wouldn't want for nothing.

That was a long time ago.

You know what you've had, don't you, girl?

You've had a change of heart.

I can see it in your face.

What about it? Haven't you ever had one?

Yes, but I've always resisted it.

Lying there in the hospital feeding him must have brought it on.

I can see your face changing every time I went in.

- Coming over all mumsy it was. - Well, I'm not ashamed of it.

But you've got to think of him, gilda.

You could never bring him up like this rich woman could,

give him the things she could.

We'll see. I'm going back to work next week.

She could really take care of him.

Dress him handsome, feed him beautiful.

Who says I can't dress him proper?

I 00k.

Look at that lovely shawl and that cot cover

and all the things for him in that drawer.

You can't learn him to talk nice, can you?

Not like this rich woman could, can you, eh?

I can if I try hard.

Not proper, you can't. Before he can talk proper,

he'll be "bleeding this” and "bleeding that" and worse.

- I won't let him. - These are dry. You can use them.

Anyway, who'll look after him when you go back to the caff?

I'm not going back to the caff.

I'm going working in the brewery. It's better paid.

What, lugging bleeding beer crates about?

Now, when will you learn some sense, gilda?

Who will look after him while you're at the brewery?

A woman called Mrs. tippet.

She's got four children of her own, Alfie. And she'll look after him

from Monday morning till Friday teatime.

And I'll have him all the weekend.

I think that's best for him.

And what about...? And what about me?

You think I'm gonna spend my weekends dodging about

under wet nappies?

You won't leave us, Alfie, not now?

I'll have to think about it.

Please.

I won't ever ask you for anything, not a farthing.

But don't leave us now.

- If you do, I'll... I... - Now, now, now. Don't talk like that.

I haven't said I'll leave you, have I?

I just felt I had to speak up

because I don't think you'll do right by that kid.

But I will, Alfie.

I'll look after him, straight up.

I'll never neglect him. Never.

I'm only telling you the truth, as I see it.

You won't leave us, will you?

Oh, promise me, Alfie. Promise me.

Let go. Don't ruckle me sleeve.

What do you think I am? I ain't a savage.

I ain't gonna scarper.

But don't you start off crying either.

Otherwise I'll belt you one, for sure.

I don't feel up to it.

Don't. Don't jump up to him at once.

It don't do. You'll grow more and more attached to one another

he won't even go to this Mrs. tippet.

Here, me mate.

That's enough of that now.

I'll give you something to cry for.

Come on now.

There, you see?

All you need is a father's voice.

Don't forget. He's got a hard life in front of him,

so you don't wanna give him any wrong impression from the start.

Now, about this little kid of mine,

well, he turns out to be a real quick 'un.

And he don't half love it when I play games with him.

Never wants his mother, always asking for his father.

Very soon, I find I'm getting quite attached to him.

Know what I mean?

Now, that's something I always guard against

because sooner or later, that's gonna bring you some pain.

So if a bird ain't got you one way, she's got you another.

That's the trouble, innit?

Once you get a kid in your life, it ain't your bleeding own.

- Look at the things you have to do. - Next, please.

Well, you can't be too careful, not with hereditary.

No smoking, please.

Queer job for a bird, innit?

Photographing people's insides.

Chin on the top, please.

Hands on hips.

Shoulders forward.

What does she think I am, a bleeding contortionist?

Nice hands, though.

Firm but gentle. Know what I mean?

- I wouldn't mind her giving me a... - Hold it.

Next thing, they'll be taking pictures of what you're thinking.

There'll be some x certificates knocking around then, eh?

Sorry I'm late. There was a traffic jam at piccadilly.

On, it's all right. You're here now.

Yeah. I brought you some cherries.

Oh, you shouldn't have done.

Well, we never got that rain they promised us.

It doesn't look like it.

You had a hard morning?

The usual.

I don't like you working on that brewery bay.

That's no job for a woman.

You get used to it.

- What's that? - That's that ring I was talking about.

Oh, it's heavy.

Twenty-two karat. Solid gold.

Same as I say, that was my mother's.

They don't make rings like that today.

No. They made them to last in the old days.

- Can I try it on? - Yeah, go on.

No. No.

No, sorry, but it... it's bad luck.

They say that once you put a wedding ring on,

you should never take it off again. That's what they say.

I mean, I don't know if there's anything in it.

Humphrey..

How would you feel...

Bringing up another man's child?

Have a cherry?

You mean little Malcolm.

Well, I mean, once we were married,

I could only look on him as my own child.

I mean to say I'd try to be, you know, a good father to him,

if he'd have me.

Here.

Can I have this?

Here. Come on, darling.

Have a little bit of the lady's sandwich.

Just a little bit of the lady's sandwich.

Come on, darling. Won't hurt you.

Come on.

Just a little bit. Come on.

Good boy.

I must go. I shall be late for work.

Will you think over what 1 said to you last Wednesday?

I've been thinking it over.

Now, I'll tell it to you for the very last time, Malcolm.

Then you gotta go to bye-byes.

Abou Ben adhem may his tribe increase

awoke one night from a dream of peace

and saw within the moonlight in his room

making it rich and like a Lily in bloom

an angel writing in a book of gold

what's an angel?

You know what an angel is. I told you.

They're on guard up in heaven, all around god.

Exceeding peace had made Ben adhem bold

who's Ben adhem, enh?

Well, he's the man that it's all happening to.

Now, shut your eyes and listen, Malcolm.

Lie down and don't ask questions.

And to the presence in the room he said

"what writest thou?"

The vision raised its head

and with a look made of all sweet accord

answered

"the names of those who love the lord."

What a lad he is.

Could hardly keep his eyes open, but he wouldn't give in.

Know what? He went off just like that.

He'll be a real handful in a few months' time.

We'll have to be careful what we say in front of him.

He's as sharp as a needle.

Wait till he sees that great Teddy bear I bought him for his birthday.

It's about that size, ever so soft.

The bloke who sold it me said it was a real rich kid's Teddy.

Here, do you fancy an hour's kip, girl, while he's asleep?

Cloth ears, I' m talking to you.

Humphrey's been to see me twice this week at lunchtime.

What's he after? A bit on the side?

No. Nothing like that.

We just talked a bit.

Then don't tell me what you talk about because I don't want to know.

The one thing I can't bear to hear about

is a bird and a bloke having their innocent talks together.

You know what?

I think it's more intimate than the other.

What is he after?

He wants to marry me.

What did you tell him?

That I'd talk it over with you first.

Why talk it over with me? You're a free agent.

Malcolm needs a father.

What do you think I am?

I don't mean just a weekend father. I mean a proper father.

Yeah, well, we all need proper fathers.

And proper mothers too, come to that.

It seems there's just not enough to go around these days.

I don't love him.

I don't know what love is, the way you birds talk about it.

But I... I respect him.

Well...

You'd better marry him then, hadn't you?

You got young buster in there to think about.

I'll be seeing you.

Maybe.

Daddy.

Daddy!

Nice, innit?

Goes like a bomb too.

This car-hire firm I'm working for, they have all the best stuff.

Know where I'm off to now?

Pick up a party of publicans, take them to Brighton for the races.

Well, you've gotta out and enjoy yourself.

I mean, once a bloke starts to think about a bird he's finished with,

well, there's a waste of time for you if you like.

I'm not picking them up till half past 11,

so I'm just popping in here.

[T's about that X-ray.

Didn't come out right or something.

Load of red tape, if you ask me.

Tilt forward, please.

Thank you.

You've done this before, haven't you?

Thank you.

Have you been worrying about anything lately, Mr. elkins?

Who, me? No. I'm not the worrying sort.

Here. You know what?

Gilda's only decided to marry this Humphrey geezer...

Do you find you get tired easily?

No. I'm full of energy. Always have been.

I got a letter from her, see?

"I don't love him,” she says, "but I do respect him."

Well, I don't want no bird's respect.

I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Step on the scales, please.

I haven't got much time, you know.

She's told me time and again she loves me.

Loves me for myself, whatever that may mean.

Have you lost any weight lately?

No. I always weigh 12 stone 6.

Have done for years.

But I've never told her I love her,

except at those times when you've got to say something

for appearances' sake. You know what I mean?

Eleven stone 9 pounds.

Get out of here.

You sure these scales are right?

Well, this suit don't weigh nothing.

Nine ounces. Lightweight.

It's a new terylene and mohair.

You don't feel as though you got nothing on at all.

The one thing I never do with a woman, I never...

Take your shirt off, please.

Would you take your shirt off, please?

I never crawled to one.

They either take me as I am or not at all.

Do you perspire?

I mean, do you sweat much?

Sweat? No.

Tell a lie.

I did sweat last Sunday at the locarno.

I was dancing then, see, and I'd had a few beers.

Of course, I use a deodorant under me armpits.

Just rub it on. Quite good, they are.

I see,

do you ever sweat at night?

At nights?

You mean in bed?

Yes. In bed.

Come to think of it, I did sweat a lot last night,

and I couldn't, for the life of me, understand why.

Sit there with your back to me, please.

Now take a deep breath.

Now breathe out slowly.

She said in her letter, "Malcolm and me will be all right.

- I'll be at home to look after him." - Again. A good deep one.

Hold it.

- Let it out. - "What about you, Alfie?" She says.

"What will you do? Won't you miss us?"

- Say 99. - Ninety-nine.

You know what? I came over quite choked at that bit.

Again. Whisper it this time.

Ninety-nine.

- Whisper it again. - Ninety-nine.

Of course, I managed before...

I managed before I met her, and I'll manage now she's gone.

Do you have a feeling of pain in your back?

Pain? No.

You know what? Last week, I find I'm missing her,

so I calls her...

Funny, I do feel some pain there now.

- Where, there? - No, a bit to the left.

- There? - Higher up.

- There? - Yeah. There.

Is it tender?

Well, it is when you prod it and mess it about.

Turn around, please.

Yeah, so I calls round, you see?

And you know what? She wouldn't let me in. She kept me at the door.

Take a deep breath.

But Malcolm, he must have heard me because he kept yelling "daddy,"

- so she had to let me in. - Breathe out.

Do you know what? She wouldn't let me touch her.

She drew back, first time ever.

- Ninety-nine. - Hundred.

- What? - Oh, 99.

Yeah, she drew back.

"I'm sorry, Alfie,” she says, "but I'm playing fair by Humphrey,

- the way I always played fair by you." - Do you cough much?

Cough? No.

Well, only in the mornings, but so does everyone.

You know, after the first smoke.

She never wanted no other geezer when she was with me.

So, what playing fair was there in that? Bleeding sauce.

Do you bring anything up when you cough?

No, no. I just clear me chest. Well, that's the point of coughing, innit?

You know, bring something up, clear the tubes.

And now the pair of them are gonna take my little son from me.

And do you know what?

There are times when I can still hear him calling "daddy" after me.

Do you find you get quickly irritable of late?

Funny you should ask that,

because I do find I do me nut very easily these days.

Do you sleep well, Mr. elkins?

I ike a top.

The moment my head touches the pillow, I'm off.

I never wake up till...

Till when, Mr. elkins?

I never used to wake up till it was time to get up.

That's elkins with an s.

- You know what I mean? - It think so.

And now?

Well, now, I always wake up dead on the same time,

4:00 in the morning.

That is no matter how much I've had to drink or...

Can I be perfectly frank with you?

Certainly.

No matter who's beside me.

- You know what I mean? - Yes. I understand.

Thank you.

I never have been partial to these all-night sessions.

Because, for one thing, I've rarely found a woman...

You...? You don't mind if I come out with it straight?

You can tell me everything.

Very few birds can get into my rhythm of sleeping.

- 1 see. - Yeah, I find myself

lying there in the dark, staring at the ceiling.

And I keep thinking about this young kid I used to know.

I was very friendly with his mother, see?

Nothing special.

Just an ordinary girl,

put I knew him well, the child, you see?

I'm afraid there's something I must tell you, Mr. elkins.

I mean, all I wanted was for her to come back with little Malcolm

so we could spend our Sundays together.

But she never come.

Did you understand me?

Oh, yes. Perfectly.

Now, if you lose your bird, you can always replace her.

But with a child, it's different.

They're each one themselves.

Each one's got his different nature.

Now, I may not be the best daddy in the world,

but I am his real dad.

Now, credit where credit's due.

There's something I simply must tell you, Mr. elkins.

He's come out of these loins as they say.

What do you wanna tell me?

I ook at this.

They can't get away from it. He's my son.

This is your X-ray, Mr. elkins.

Blimey! Is that me?

Yes, it is.

I'm just a load of old ribs.

I'm afraid there are two shadows on your lungs.

Shadows on me lungs? What are you talking about?

- What sort of shadows? - Look at this patch.

You've got an infection here, and one here.

Infection? But I can't have.

- I ain't been with nobody. - It's not a question...

Here, you ve got to do something about this.

Don't worry, we can deal with it.

You better handle it quick. I want the best attention there is.

- I'll even pay for it. - It's just a question of rest.

That's all you need, rest.

Icantrest. I'm off to Brighton now

with a party of licentious victualers. We're in for a real good blowout.

- It's all been booked. - You have to be unbooked.

You need rest in the quiet of the country.

I hate the country.

Anyway, how can you rest with all that bleeding dawn chorus?

What's the matter?

My... my feet feel like lead.

The sweat is pouring off me.

Now, Mr. elkins, do keep calm.

These are only shadows, you know.

Shadows?

On me lungs”?

I'm being eaten away.

This is the end of me.

Oh, god in heaven, help me.

Good afternoon, Mr. elkins.

Good afternoon.

Here.

Once you know you ain't gonna die,

funny how soon you pull back to normal.

Know what? I used to think money was everything.

If you've got money, I used to say, you can have beautiful birds,

handsome suits, a car of your own.

But those things ain't a bit of use without your good health.

Hello, Harry.

Not come yet?

She's run off with the milkman.

Here.

See this chap here?

His name's Harry clamacraft.

He's 35 years old, married, with three kids.

He's sitting up there in bed waiting for his wife Lily to visit him.

He's had nothing else on his mind since last Sunday,

and I know for sure she'll be late.

Watch it. In a minute, he'll pick up that book

and pretend he's not worried and he's reading.

There you are. What did I tell you?

He's no more reading than I am.

He's all ears, listening for her footsteps.

You know what?

I ain't had a single visitor since I've been in here.

I told them all I'm on silence, not allowed to talk.

I'm on silence, not to talk.

Oi, Harry, your old woman's here.

Mrs. clamacraft, don't go all the way round. Come through here.

Do you think I should? I'm not supposed to.

Of course you can. Come on.

There she is, Harry.

- Hello, love. - Oh, Harry, I'm ever so sorry I'm late.

Oh, that's all right. Now you've come.

She's 20 minutes late.

And now she wastes another 20 telling him why.

I left home in time,

but everything went wrong at the station.

- You look worried. - I was only worried

in case something might have happened to you.

Here's your new-laid eggs.

And here's your marmalade.

Bleeding great chunks of peel in it.

No wonder he don't get well.

Hey, did that chap come about the smell at the bottom of the garden?

He thinks it might be trouble with the main drain.

Here, look at him. Now he's worried about the bleeding drains.

How were your last x-rays?

I think they're improving.

But next time ask him to have a look at that loose gutter.

It might fall on you or the kids.

- Yeah. Kill the bleeding lot of them. - Yes, I will.

How was your sputum test?

Now, there's a morale raiser.

They re waiting for the results.

Are you managing all right?

- I mean, about money. - Yes. Everything's going fine.

- You sure? - Yes, certain.

They're trying to get through to one another, see.

Know what I mean?

It ain't easy with their sort of mentality.

Here. See this?

Carla, her name is.

Hear how her skirt rustles?

There's something about that rustling.

I think I'll get on me bed, just in case.

Don't let me disturb you. You can take that later.

- Thank you. - T know what it must be like

seeing each other only once a week.

She seems quite nice.

Yes, she's very nice.

I'll just get you ready for your injection, Mr. elkins.

Oh, thank you, nurse.

Would you like a banana?

Oh, thanks.

1A.

Did my mother come around?

What?

Oh, yes.

- Was everything all right? - Well, she seemed a bit put out

because I hadn't made the kids a cooked dinner.

She's mad about Sunday dinners.

Young Phil's missing you ever so.

Is he?

He must have woken up early this morning.

- Yeah? - I could hear him talking to himself

in his cough, you know, like he does.

He kept scolding you for not coming home.

Bless him.

- Oh, I seem to have only just got here. - Yeah, well, don't hurry.

Dirty beast.

I'll get the sister to give you your injection after tea, Mr. elkins.

Yeah, tell her to send the blond, the one who's a good dart thrower.

Won't forget to write, will you, love?

First thing in the morning as soon as they've gone to school.

- Give my love to Phil and Shirley. - It will.

- Bye-bye, love. - I'll see you, and eat your eggs.

Yeah, I will.

Don't worry, love. I'll be all right in a minute.

- He hates me going. - Yeah, well, I'll soon cheer him up.

Oh, thank you.

You get dependent on them coming, see?

And it don't do to get dependent on nobody in this life.

They bring their fruit and flowers and whatnot

and tell you how well you're looking.

And after about five minutes, they're dying for the bell to go

so they can get away.

I know.

I've watched them.

Then they're no sooner out the door and they say to each other:

"Cool. Did you see old ned? Didn't he look rough?

Keep them insurance policies dusted.

Don't throw that black hat away."

I've heard them.

Mr. flkins.

Oh, hello, nurse.

You should be in bed.

I couldn't sleep, so I come down and made meself a cup of tea.

You're not supposed to.

I've been doing things all my life I'm not supposed to.

You know what? I had a horrible nightmare.

You must have had too much supper.

No, serious. I dreamt that the hydrogen bomb had fallen

and I didn't get killed.

But I got some of that dust on me shoulder, see?

So I rushes in this house, shuts the door,

and who should be standing there but little Malcolm.

- Who? - Eh?

Oh, yeah. It's this kid I used to know.

And then I realized that this... This dust on me,

this poison I picked up, will kill him.

And I was taking it to him.

I was taking death to him.

But what could I do?

I had to save me bleeding self, didn't I?

Didn't half make me feel rough, though.

I suppose it would make some sense to a psychiatrist.

You know what? I wish just for once

I could get meself to do something good in me dreams.

I mean, it wouldn't cost me anything

and I'd get a great deal of satisfaction out of it.

Just goes to show you,

if they ain't got you when youre awake, they got you when you're asleep.

You'll be leaving here next month, won't you?

Yean.

I'll be glad to get back to London.

It won't be the same without you around here.

I ain't gone yet, girl.

Would you like me to give you something to make you sleep?

Now, there's a good idea.

All right, then, come with me.

Marvelous what you can get on the national health, ain't it?

Goodbye, Mr. eikins.

- Goodbye, Mrs. clamacraft. - Bye-bye, love.

- You know something, Harry? - What?

These visiting days ain't doing you any good.

How do you mean?

It takes you a week to get over one.

If youre not careful, you'll be leaving here in your wooden suit.

- Know what I mean? - But, Alfie, that's all that I live for,

to see her and talk to her:

You gotta live for yourself in this world, not for others.

Have to do without her if she got killed, wouldn't you?

Oh, don't talk like that, Alfie.

No. All I'm saying is, it don't do to get attached to nobody like that in this life.

- What your sort don't understand... - Yeah?

- What you don't understand... - What?

- Is, well... - What?

Is the bond between husband and wife.

The bond? What I do understand is human bleeding nature. Here.

How do you know your missus ain't got a geezer waiting outside?

You say another word about my wife, I'll get out of this chair...

Harry, rnarry, narry.

Harry, don't get aerated.

Harry. Here, sit quiet.

Here, have a fag.

The doc says I'm not supposed to smoke more than five a day.

Take no notice of the doc. You gotta get yourself better.

No, all I meant was, that with a bird,

you can never tell where it's been or what it's done.

Hey, would you mind saying 'she? You're talking about my wife.

"She" or I they're all birds.

What you gotta do, Harry, is start living for yourself, like I do.

They won't keep me here long.

No, but, Alfie, I miss the kids, especially the youngest.

Here. Now, just listen to me, Harry.

Just listen to me for a minute.

Supposing tonight you was to snuff it. Know what I mean?

- You're rotten, you are. - No, just supposing.

That's it, have a giggle. That's all life is, a giggle.

- Yeah, go on. - Now, say your old woman

picks up with a bloke and brings him home.

Not Lily. She wouldn't.

Why not? She ain't bad. You know, she got a fair little figure.

Not my type, of course, but still.

Anyway, she brings this bloke home

and introduces him to the kids as uncle bill.

Your kids would get a big kick out of it.

No, not young Phil. He wouldn't.

He'd be the first, especially if uncle bill brought around some toys.

He wouldn't buy young Phil with toys.

The next thing is, your missus start telling the neighbors

the kids need a dad. She's gonna blame it on the kids, see?

What's going on? What are you getting at?

I only want you to see the truth and start getting better.

Now, for the first month or two after you're gone,

your wife and kids might take some flowers to the cemetery.

But once she's married again

and the kids start calling uncle bill "dad,"

your little grave will become just a mass of weeds.

If you walked into your own home six months later,

your kids run to uncle bill, shouting, "dad, who is it?"

If you don't stop, I'll knock your head in.

- Harry. - Stop it! You're driving me up the wall!

Harry, all I want is for you to see life, see what it is and what it does to you.

I... I never wanted to hurt you, Harry.

I never want to hurt anyboay.

No, 1 suppose not.

But you do, Alfie. You do.

Want a game of drafts?

Yeah, all right.

Come on.

Oil!

Alfie, the old times.

- How are you doing? - All right.

- Look at you. - I feel all right.

See, I've got a gaff lined up for you.

I'm not used to all this noise and rushing about. Come on.

I've had six months of peace and quiet and fresh air, see?

I'd be dead scared to take a car through the streets now.

I've got just the job for you, then, all the fresh air you want.

- What? - Street photography.

- Doing it meself now. - Where?

Up at tower hill. Tons of tourists.

Chat the birds up easy.

They re asking for it half the time. Nothing to it.

Little camera. "Hold it, lady. A little bit more to the left.

Three for 12 and a Tanner. How's that?"

- These photographers are a nuisance. - Just a minute.

It would be lovely nice. That'll be funny, you know.

Three for 12 and a Tanner. I'm sure he's a nice gentleman.

You can have it on your own if you don't like him, love. I mean...

- You got film in that camera? - Fh?

- You loaded? - Yeah.

Oh, good. Oh, good morning to you. Nice to see you, madam.

Come on, lady. Give us a great big smile.

- Here you are, sir. - Not today, thank you.

- They won't bite you. - I don't want my photograph taken.

I can't say I blame you. What about the young lady?

- And nor does she. - How would you know that, sir?

What about it? One on your Jack? I mean, on your own?

All right, I think I will.

- Vacationing? - No.

- Immigrant? - In a way.

- Married? - Sometimes.

- Now? - No, not now.

How do you want me?

How do I want you? Well, I've got two positions,

straight up or sideways, depending on your nationality.

I'll tell you what, I'll have you against the ships.

All right, I've always been partial to the Navy.

Now, you look a real treat there, you do.

Ruby, we've no time to waste here.

It won't take a tick, sir. We've got a fast film in today.

Allow me, madam.

He's getting a bit choked up, isn't he?

Well, don't let it worry you.

Oh, it doesn't worry me. It doesn't seem to worry you, either.

- Well, I never let any man worry me. - No. I see what you mean.

Now, that's lovely.

Can you hold it?

- I'll do my best, young man. - Put a jerk in it.

['Il put a jerk in you if you're not careful. Right. Hold it.

I ovely. That's a real beauty.

Now, let's get in for the close-up. Lick your lips.

Strewth.

Now watch the Dickie bird.

Now what's your address?

And your telephone number?

That's three of each. Be 15 shillings, sir.

- Haven't you got any change? - No, I haven't.

Now, I'll have to go and look for some.

Keep the bloody change.

Hello, my old. How about a little souvenir?

I say you can have it... I can have an enlargement for four and six, sir.

The sun's coming out...

"I got just the job for you," nat says. "Plenty of fresh air."

Know what? I got the flu twice in six weeks.

So I went back to the hire-car lark with the rolls here.

Oh, yeah.

It's very nice of you to come, Alfie.

Wasn't it, lil?

Yes, it was.

Well, if I had known you were gonna be here, I wouldn't have come.

I didn't mean that.

Course not.

She looks real tired. Don't you think so, Alfie?

I'm all right.

I've told you before, Harry, you gotta think about yourself.

Otherwise, you'll never get out of here.

Yeah, but...

Alfie, do you think you could give her a lift home in your car?

On, Harry, please, no.

You know, it's a long way for her by train.

Yean. I'll take her back.

It's a pleasure.

Oh, he'll take you back.

She didn't wanna come and I didn't wanna take her.

We both agreed to please Harry, see?

Looks real ribby though, don't she?

To brighten her up, I'm taking her a roundabout way,

show her a bit of the scenery.

Well, you can only try, can't you?

How would you like a nice cup of tea, girl?

Oh, I don't want to be any trouble.

That's all right.

One thing about driving a rolls, they're pleased to see you anywhere.

Know what?

When she smiles that little smile of hers, I'm quite touched by it.

Yeah. Now I look at her, she ain't so ugly after all.

It must be hard on you, girl, old Harry being away so long.

Still, I'll say this for him,

he could hardly wait for those visiting days to come around.

Don't worry about him, Lily.

He'll be home soon.

Course he will.

Cheer up.

Well, what harm can it do?

Old Harry will never know.

And even if he did, he shouldn't begrudge me.

Nor her, come to that.

Anda it will round off the tea nicely.

I don't know what you must think of me.

I bet you ain't been with many blokes besides Harry.

I haven't been with anyone.

- Where you going, love? - London.

It's a big place for a little girl. Come on, hop in.

Hello, frank.

What do you want to eat?

I'm not hungry. Just a cup of tea, please.

You must eat something.

No, thank you. Just tea with sugar.

- Wotcher, Alfie. - How you doing?

Come on, Alfie.

You wanna watch your loading ropes, frank.

- They look a bit dodgy. - Ta.

What's the fancy dress for?

Got a rolls outside, don't I?

You're almost a stranger, Alfie. Why didn't you turn up?

Sorry, darling, 1 couldn't make it.

A small tea Ana a slice of buttered toast, please.

You won't get far on cups of tea.

I'll be all right.

Who's the mystery?

That one, frank brought in.

You wanna watch it, Alfie. That's frank's bird.

It's not my type, anyway.

I'll just go and check those ropes, see they're all right. You okay?

Bit dead in here, though, innit?

I think t'll have a tune.

They ain't half got some old ones, ain't they?

Yes.

Did you come in with frank?

Yes. Why?

He's a good bloke, frank. Good mate.

- Yes, he seems nice. - Yeah.

He'd share his last cigarette with you.

Very good-hearted is frank.

You know what?

He'll even share his birds with his mates.

One bloke told me he'll even lend you his wife.

Like the eskimos do.

I wouldn't fancy that.

Well, I mean, she's so bad-tempered.

I didn't think he was married.

Oh, yes, he got at least one wife.

Well, I mean, being a long-distance lorry driver,

he's away from home every other night, see?

Funny, some blokes, aren't they?

I wouldn't like anything like that, sharing a girl, would you?

No.

- Where are you making for? - Well, London.

- Any particular place? - Not really. I...

I'd like to get a room and a job if I could.

Here. I might be able to help you.

I know the personnel officer of a big toffee factory.

Lovely little number that is.

Could I see you in London, then?

See me in London? I could take you down there.

- Butl'm... - I've got a rolls Royce out there.

Radio, heater, the lot.

But I should have to tell that man, frank, first.

Oh, we daren't risk that. He'll knock your block off.

Mine too.

See that door there?

Well, 50 yards down the road there's a telephone kiosk.

You wait for me there.

I don't like doing that.

You don't wanna be frightened of me.

I ain't a wolf, you know.

Go on before he comes back.

You don't want sharing, do you?

- No. - No, of course you don't.

(Go on, away you go.

Would you please tell that driver I came in with

- that I'm sorry, but I've had to go. - T'll tell him.

How much do I owe you, flo?

- One and a penny. - Here.

You ain't going yet, Alfie?

Yeah, I find I'm in a bit of a hurry all of a sudden.

What about your toast, then?

Give it to frank. He could do with a slice.

- See you. - See you, Alfie.

Did you see the way he lapped it up?

Can't see what they all see in him.

Frank will go raving maa when he comes back.

Good.

Sit back and enjoy yourself, girl.

Do your folks at home know where you're going?

I haven't got any.

Oh, there must be somebody.

I want to make a new start in London.

Well, I reckon you ve landed on your feet.

You'll have a great little life with me.

It ain't come up too bad, has it?

All it needed was a good wash and a bit of care and attention.

It's quite dainty.

You know what I mean?

Here. 1 no sooner take a pair of socks off

and it washes them.

And it can cook too.

A bit limited on the menu.

It goes in mostly for lancashire hotpot and steak and kidney pie.

They blow you out a bit.

But it does do a marvelous egg custard.

I ain't never tasted nothing like it.

It's pretty fair on the other and all.

A bit on the shy side, but I find it makes quite a change these days.

Oi, turn it down a bit, Annie.

It's in love, see?

Now, when it listens to that stuff, it daydreams

that the bloke who threw it over will one day want it back.

What a bleeding hope.

Just watch how it works.

Scrub, scrub, scrub.

It takes some birds like that.

Not all of them.

Can I get you a cup of tea, Alfie?

You always wanna be doing something.

Here, I had a bird once, a big, fat thing it was,

got crossed in love or something.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

She used to sit in front of the fire all day long,

smoking cigarettes and drinking tea,

till her shins were burnt red raw.

"Get us a cup of tea, bracken-shins,” I said to it one time.

"What?" it said, "vou paralyzed?"

I soon got rid of it.

Are you going visiting your friend at the sanatorium, Alfie?

Old Harry? Yeah, I thought I would.

You fancy a ride in the car, girl?

I've some washing to do.

You re always bleeding washing. Why don't you take a rest?

I feel better if I'm doing something, Alfie.

Well, if it makes you feel better, I'm not gonna stop you.

Punishes itself, you see.

That way, life can't get at it the same.

What time will you be back, Alfie?

Girl, you shouldn't ask me that.

When I go out that door, I don't know what day I'll be back,

let alone what time.

I'm what is called a free agent.

Sorry, Alfie.

I just thought I'd have your meal ready.

Make a meal that's always ready, hash or stew or something.

I thought I'd ao something special.

Get those boots for me, will you, girl?

See? Even she's started asking me when I'll be back.

Know what? That little remark could be the writing on the wall.

- Annie. - Yes?

When are you gonna start using those gloves I bought you?

You'll ruin your hands, what with all that scrubbing and whatnot.

They don't matter.

They may not matter to you, but they matter to me.

Nothing puts me off more

than a woman getting hold of me with hard, horny mitts.

You got pretty little fingers.

They're like a child's.

I ook after them for me.

Sometimes, it gets a dead, ghostifiea look come over its little face,

as though it were all sick inside with love or something

and its poor bleeding Mina was stumbling about,

looking for a corner to rest in.

Take the other night, for instance.

After what wed just been through together, it made me really mad.

After all, there's a time and a place for everything.

Even your thoughts have a proper place.

Sorry, Alfie.

Forget him, girl.

I'm here and in the flesh.

Blimey, she looked dead guilty.

Know what? I was sorry I spoke.

“Alfie,” I says to meself, "she's as human as you are.”

Well, I'll be off now, girl.

Like to give me a brush-down?

Shall I say you'll be back about 7, Alfie?

You can say what you like.

Whether I'll be or not is another matter.

You have something ready. If I'm here, I'll eat it. If I'm not, I won't.

You know what, Annie?

You're a nice-looking girl, only you wanna brighten yourself up.

You don't wanna mope about depressed. You gotta think of others.

So long.

Take care of yourself, Alfie.

I didn't like leaving it there on a Sunday, scrubbing away.

But what could I do? You know what I mean?

I couldn't take it with me.

Going up in the worlqg, ain't I?

Do you know what the rents are here?

Fifteen quid a week.

That's including central heating, of course.

You'll never guess who I'm calling on.

Well, I wouldn't have believed it meself three months ago.

I'm here, girl.

That's life, innit?

You can never teil what's round the corner.

Know what I mean?

Down one minute, up the next.

You drop a Tanner, 100k around, and what do you find?

- Ruby! - Hello, baby.

Hold it.

Gotcha.

She's in lovely condition.

- What are you so impatient about? - What do you think?

Don't kiss my ear. You know what it does to me.

- Come on, what about it? - No, no, no.

Let's at least have a drink first. Whiskey?

You haven't got a beer, have you? Light ale or something?

Yes, I've probably got a beer on the ice.

She gets all this lot off income tax.

Business expenses, see? She owns three hairdressers'.

The thing I like about Ruby, she's a mature woman.

When she gets hold of you, you can feel a lifetime of experience

in her fingers. Know what I mean?

I find I'm going in more for that sort of woman these days.

Here, don't you dig your nails in again, like you did last Thursday night.

I got scratches all down me back.

Yeah, I may do more than that to you today.

Great long wheals they are. She dug her nails right in.

She's had two husbands.

Both dead.

And I've a good idea what they died of.

She don't keep asking you do you love her, like these young birds do.

She don't never mention love.

She knows what she wants and she's gonna get it.

If there's any going.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Alfie, don't you ever think about

bringing your girlfriends flowers or candy?

Yeah, I often think about it, but I never do it,

not unless they're in hospital.

Don't put your wet glass on my polished table.

You know, you're getting bleeding fussy.

- I'm not getting bleeding fussy. - Yes, you are.

I am not fussy!

Hello.

She's in beautiful condition.

- You're a little sexpot, ain't you? - Am I?

Yeah. Youre a little lust-box, ain't you?

My little lust-box.

I might settle down with her.

With a wife like Ruby, wouldn't want nothing on the side.

Do you know what I mean?

Bedroom.

Here. Come and have a 100k at this a minute.

Great, innit?

Have you caught the ceilings?

Look at the size of that bath, king-size.

A bit of a tight squeeze with the two of us in it,

but you can have a lot of fun splashing about and whatnot.

Do you know there have been times

that I felt lucky to get out of that bath alive?

He found himself another gal the dirty rotten hound

he found himself another creole miss

don't waste your time, Sally find another guy

don't waste your time, Sally coming through the rye

get up and go, Sally don't sing too low, Sally

at least he didn't take your dough, Sally

go, Sally, go

so now you've met another guy slowly take your time

give away too much and you are lost

now he's telling you a lie smiles as sweet as lime

baby, Sally, baby you've been crossed

well, don't waste your time, Sally find another guy

- hello, lace. - Hello, Alfie.

- What you having, then? - Brown ale.

Get up and go, Sally don't sing too low, Sally

at least he didn't take your dough, Sally

go, Sally, go

Have you got the car outside, Alfie?

Oh, know what? I don't think I'll go up the club after all.

I got this bird, Annie, from up north staying at my pad.

- She can't half cook. - Cook?

What's bleeding cooking got to do with it?

She don't like it if he don't come home for his meals, eh, Alfie?

No, no, no. She does some handsome nosh-ups.

- Oh, yean? - Yeah. Steak and kidney pie,

lancashire hotpot. I love her cooking, I do.

I thought she was looking a bit blown out. Eh, vi?

What do you mean, blown out?

It's just the appearance, you see, Alfie.

- What appearance? - Well, you look all puffed up,

blown out, sort of poncified.

Poncified?

I've never felt fitter in all my life.

He wasn't saying you wasn't fit, was you, lace?

No, you just look different, that's all. Don't he, vi?

What's bleeding different about me?

That bird Annie of yours,

she's putting a block on you, mate, and you can't see it.

- What do you say, Perce? - Yeah, looks that way to me, mate.

- She's only looking after me. - Looking after you?

In 12 months' time, you won't be able to recognize yourself.

You'll be stuffed to the ears with that bleeding hotpot.

Far away to fight the foe

now I hear the bugles calling

and I can no longer stay

goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you

well, goodbye, Dolly gray

well, goodbye, Dolly I must leave you

- oh, how you going, mate? - I thought it was you.

Remember that day you come in the busy bee?

- What day was that? - Couple of weeks back.

You was in a chauffeur's uniform.

Oh, yeah, yeah. What about it?

You didn't, by any chance, slope off with a girl from sheffield called Annie

when my back was turned?

Who, me? No, I don't know what you're talking about.

You're a bloody liar!

Here, watch the suit. It just come back from the cleaners.

What the bleeding hell?

Well, goodbye, Dolly I've gotta leave you

though it breaks my heart to go

something tells me I am needed

far away to fight the foe

now I hear the bugles calling

I can no longer stay with you

goodbye, Dolly I've gotta leave you

goodbye, Dolly gray

well, goodbye, Dolly I've gotta leave you

though it grieves my heart so

something tells me I'm needed

far away to fight the foe

I hear the bugles calling

I can no longer stay

goodbye, Dolly I've gotta leave you

goodbye, Dolly gray

Is that you, Alfie?

Yeah, it's me.

I'm late, ain't I?

Start rucking me.

What happened?

You've got an awful black eye.

Blimey, he's injured me for life.

Where's that steak you bought?

I've made you steak and kidney pie with it.

I'm fed up with hotpots and steak and kidney pies.

Why can't we have something out of a can for a change?

Corned beef or spam?

Handsome grub, that was.

You always said you liked my steak and kidney pies.

If I get that lot on top of a skinful of beer,

I'll hardly draw me a bleeding breath.

I get a horrible feeling of being full-up, blown out, poncified.

You always said you loved that feeling of being really full.

What I loved once and what I love now are two different things.

And where's my button-down shirt?

Your blue one? In the drawer.

- No, the pink one. - I washed it. It'll soon be dry.

Why did you wanna wash it for? I only wore it for a couple hours.

I thought it would feel fresher for you.

You know, I do believe you only wash to fill in your bleeding time.

- Why should I? - To get him out of your mind.

Get who out of me mind?

You know who, that bleeding Tony you write about in your little diary.

You can't get out of your Mina or something.

Why shouldn't I?

You shouldn't because them's me secret thoughts.

You ain't entitled to secret thoughts, not living with me.

Everyone's entitled to secret thoughts.

Then you shouldn't write them down and let me see them.

I only wrote them to get them out of me.

I'll show you what I think of you, your secret thoughts,

and your bleeding steak and kidney pie!

And don't take nothing that don't belong to you, either.

Don't let your custard spoil.

It's in the oven.

Annie?

Annie!

Come back! It didn't mean it!

Annie?

Annie!

Come in.

You're a bit early, girl.

I didn't want to be late.

Is he coming?

Yeah, about 2:00 he said he'd be here.

Here, give us your bag.

Blimey.

Your hands ain't half cold.

You ain't worrying, are you?

A bit.

Yeah. You're all dark under the eyes.

I couldn't sleep last night.

Well...

And you can get ready for him when you want to.

Thanks.

I've let meself in for something this time, all right.

It was that day I took her out to the river, see?

Right about three months ago, it was.

Yeah, that was something I thought I got for nothing.

But it don't never work out that way, does it?

So I agrees to help her and lay it all on.

Well, it was the least I could do, knowing old Harry and all.

See what I mean?

Oh, come in, mate.

Well, here we are.

What do you mean, "here we are?”

1 mean, you've come to the right place.

And this is the young lady I talked to you about on the phone.

Pleased to meet you.

Ain't you got your gear with you?

Don't ask questions.

Oh, sorry.

Right, well, this is the room where you can examine this young lady.

And why should I examine this young lady?

Well, you've got to, ain't you, before you do it?

- Before I do what? - Do what you've come to do.

Be quiet, Alfie. There must be some mistake.

You are the bloke... the gentleman I talked to last Thursday night, ain't you?

- Alfie, please be quiet. - Don't worry, my dear.

Now, I must have a serious talk with you both.

Are you two married?

Us two married?

Blimey! Do we look it? No.

I mean, she's a married woman, but I'm a single man.

Is there any chance of you getting married in the near future?

I very much doubt that.

What do you say, Lily?

But you are the putative father.

The what? Me?

I'm nothing. I'm just obliging a friend.

Well, that's unusual.

It's very unusual.

You are the man who is going to help me?

Her old man's in a sanatorium, see?

And she's had a moral lapse. See what I mean?

And I'm not quite sure that I do.

Yeah, it will never happen again.

The only reason she needs helping

is that her marriage would look very dodgy

if her husband come out at this stage of the game, got me?

She got three other kids as well.

And where do you fit into all this?

Well, she had no place to go, see?

Well, that's most altruistic.

And I hope you both appreciate the seriousness of this case.

To terminate a pregnancy after more than 28 days

is a criminal offense punishable in a court of law with seven years' jail.

Do you understand this, you two?

Yean.

Not only that, but it's a crime against the unborn child.

It's a course never to be embarked upon lightly.

Therefore I must ask you to consider all the circumstances thoroughly

before you go through with your decision.

Since afterwards, it will be too late to change your mind.

Have you given the matter your fullest consideration?

What do you say, Lily?

I've no way out.

And you've decided to go through with it?

Yes, 1 must.

Then I might be able to help you.

Thank you.

Yes. Oh, yes, have you got the money?

Eh? Oh, yeah, the money. The young lady got it.

It will be 30 pounds.

Twenty-five. That was the figure we discussed.

Very well then, 25.

Right. Very well.

Right, young laay. If you'd care to follow me.

I'll need some boiling water.

Oh, yeah, the kettle's on the stove in there.

Good.

I hate anything like this.

My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure.

When it comes to the pain, I'm like every other bloke.

I don't wanna know.

- Have you done? - Almost everything I can do.

Can she go home now, then?

Good lord, no. Don't you understand?

It's only been induced. It hasn't happened yet.

That comes later.

By the way, if her temperature rises rapidly, give her two of these.

I'll leave you six.

How will I know?

Well, if she starts to sweat, give her two.

Here, mate, don't you think you ought to stay and see the job through,

considering how much you've been paid?

Two if she sweats.

How you feeling, girl?

He gave me these tablets to give to you.

Take two if your temperature goes up.

You do look ola, girl.

He got his money easy, enh?

Here, not so loud. My landlady will hear.

I can't help it!

- This pain! - Lily.

God, this pain! I can't help...

I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry. I had to do it.

If my landlady heard, she'd have the ambulance here,

doctors, police, the lot.

Then all this would have been for nothing.

You see what I mean? That's why I had to do it.

Lily, Lily.

Lily, Lily, Lily.

Lily. Is there something I can get you, Lily?

Would you like a cup of tea?

No. You go.

I'm better on my own.

There's nothing you can do.

You'll be all right, will you?

Sure you'll be all right?

I know it don't look nice, going off and leaving her.

But what do look nice when you get close up to it, eh?

Here, come on, Malcolm.

Oh, you naughty boy.

You're keeping everyone waiting.

Suzanne Elizabeth, I baptize thee in the name of the father

and of the son and of the holy ghost. Amen.

And now we join together in the family prayer of christians.

Our father, which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come,

thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Who's daddy's best boy, eh?

Who's daddy's best boy”?

Who's the best boy in the world?

Lily?

Is it all over?

Yes.

I'll be ready to go in a minute.

There's no hurry, girl. No hurry.

Don't.

Don't go in there.

I could have dropped on the spot with the shock.

All I was expecting to see was...

Well, come to think of it, I don't rightly know what I was expecting to see.

Certainly not this perfectly formed being.

I half expected it to cry out.

It didn't, of course. It couldn't have done.

It could never have had any life in it.

1 mean, not a proper life of its own.

No, 1 suppose not.

Still...

It must have had some life, of course.

And as it lay there so quiet, so still...

It quite touched me.

And I started praying or something,

saying things like, "god help me," and things like that.

And then I starts to cry. Straight out.

The tears were running down me face, all salty, like I was a kid meself.

Crying for him, you mean, alf?

No, no, not for him.

He was past it.

For me bleeding self.

You know, it don't half bring it home to you what you are

when you see a helpless little thing like that lying in your own hands.

He'd been quite perfect.

And I thought to meself:

“You know what, Alfie? You know what you done?

You murdered him."

There's nothing you can do about it now, alf.

Eh? Don't be bloody funny. That's all I've got in the world.

I'll give you this watch as security.

If I haven't paid you back in two weeks, you can sell it.

I don't want no security, Alfie. I'll give you the money.

Thanks very much, nat.

Well, that's that.

You all ready?

Come on, I'll run you home.

I'd sooner go on me own.

You say that again, vou will go home on your own.

- I want to. - Okay by me.

There's a bus to Waterloo or a green line all the way.

Here. This is for little Phil.

Who?

Phil, your youngest, the one that writes all them squiggly letters.

- What is it? - You wanna see it?

I bought it a long, long time ago.

For a little kid I used to know.

Catch.

Tell him it's from his uncle Alfie.

Come with me.

I'll take you home.

I'm definitely gonna settle down with this Ruby.

I'm fed up with being on the move.

You know, I find I'm not stalking these young birds anymore.

Hey, Ruby!

Where are you, girl?

Alfie?

Yeah, I thought I'd give you a surprise.

I'll be right out.

Make yourself a drink.

All right.

I was sleeping.

I've got a headache. I took a pill.

Oh, sorry.

You said you were on a job today.

Yeah, but it fell through. Want a drink?

No. No, thanks.

Maybe you better go, darling. I've got a splitting headache.

All right, then. Well, you better have these now I've brought them.

Alfie, what a thing for you to do. I...

I never thought I'd live to see the day.

I like surprising a woman.

Well, you certainly did that.

Look at the wrapper. They're not off a barrow.

I can see that.

Well, they're lovely. They're really lovely. Thank you.

- Well, I'll go. You take an aspirin, girl. - It will.

- That's new. - New, what?

That radio. Where did you get that?

I picked it up cheap.

You'll ring me tomorrow? I'll... I'll be all right then.

Yeah, well, I'll come around lunchtime.

We might have a session.

Yeah, why not?

Right. See you.

Alfie.

Yeah?

I'm sorry about the headache. I'll make it up to you.

Sure.

What's that?

What?

That.

Well, it's a guitar.

What, you doing it with groups now, then?

Don't be so disgusting.

And the radio. Here, you got a bloke in there, haven't you?

It's none of your damn business.

You pick him up cheap too?

There is no one in there.

I mean, I never... I honestly thought you had a headache.

What a mug I've grown into.

Alfie, get out of here. I have a splitting headache.

Why him? Better than me?

What's he got that I havent, apart from long hair?

Well?

Come on, let's have it.

What's he bleeding got?

He's younger than you are.

You got it?

"He's younger than you are,” that's what she said.

Anybody would think I was doddering about on bleeding crutches.

Trouble is, I still keep thinking about her.

I can't get her out of me mind.

Who'd have thought a ruddy great lust-box like her

would have found her way into anybody's feelings?

She might have looked a hard case,

but underneath she was quite mumsy,

and she was in beautiful condition.

Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful.

After all, it ain't through the eyes that you feel beauty.

It's how the heart hungers for something that makes it beautiful.

Cooee.

Siddie.

Alfie, hello.

I ain't seen you in ages.

You didn't turn up.

On, look, I can explain that.

Ain't half missed you.

I like that gear.

Where you going?

I got the car round the corner.

What about it?

No, I can't. I'm gonna meet me husband.

It's nice material.

Still, you always was a shappy dresser.

What about Sunday then?

- I'm not sure. - Come on.

Same time? Same place?

We'll see.

I'll wait for you for about five minutes.

Don't forget your napkin.

You know, I'm like the boy scouts, I am. Always prepared.

See you then, eh?

Maybe.

You know what?

When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known,

and think of all the things they've done for me

and the little I've done for them,

you'd think I'd had the best of it all along the line.

But what have I got out of it?

I got a Bob or two, some decent clothes, a car.

I got me health back, and I ain't attached.

But I ain't got me peace of mind.

And if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing.

I don't know.

It seems to me if they ain't got you one way, they got you another.

So, what's the answer?

That's what I keep asking meself.

What's it all about?

Know what I mean?

Come on, boy. Come on.