Original subtitles

>> HOLLYWOOD -- WHERE DREAMS ARE

MADE, BUT ALSO WHERE DREAMS

ARE CRUSHED.

BUT, REST ASSURED, TONIGHT YOUR

DREAMS WILL COME TRUE...

REALLY TRUE.

WELCOME TO "THE GREATEST EVENT

IN TELEVISION HISTORY."

>> LIVE FROM

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA, IT'S THE

LIVE COUNTDOWN TO "THE GREATEST

EVENT IN TELEVISION HISTORY."

AND NOW YOUR HOST, JEFF PROBST.

>> HELLO, EVERYBODY.

I'M JEFF PROBST, AND WELCOME

BACK TO THIS.

LAST YEAR, WE BROUGHT YOU WHAT

WE WERE LED TO BELIEVE WAS THE

GREATEST EVENT IN TELEVISION

HISTORY -- A SHOT-FOR-SHOT

RE-CREATION OF THE OPENING TITLE

SEQUENCE TO THE 1980s HIT SHOW

"SIMON & SIMON."

WELL, AS IT TURNS OUT, IT WASN'T

THE GREATEST EVENT IN TELEVISION

HISTORY -- NOT EVEN [BLEEP]

CLOSE.

HOW DOES AN ERROR THIS EGREGIOUS

HAPPEN?

I DO NOT KNOW.

BUT FOR CONFIRMATION, WE WENT TO

THE TALLEST TELEVISION EXPERT IN

NORTH HOLLYWOOD TO FIND OUT IF

"SIMON & SIMON" WAS, IN FACT,

THE GREATEST EVENT IN TELEVISION

HISTORY.

>> NO.

>> TONIGHT WE BRING YOU WHAT WE

HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY ASSURED IS

THE GREATEST EVENT IN TELEVISION

HISTORY -- A SHOT-FOR-SHOT

RE-CREATION OF THE OPENING TITLE

SEQUENCE FROM THE CLASSIC '80s

TV SHOW "HART TO HART," WITH

BELOVED STAR AMY POEHLER AND

WORKING ACTOR ADAM SCOTT.

ONCE AGAIN, WE'LL TAKE YOU

INSIDE THE PROCESS OF CREATING

HISTORY AGAIN.

LET'S START THE CLOCK...

AGAIN.

WITH A BUDGET OF OVER

$40 MILLION AND A CREW LARGER

THAN ANY CREW WHO HAS WORKED ON

A RE-CREATION OF THE

FOURTH-SEASON OPENING CREDITS OF

"HART TO HART," THE PROCESS

BEGAN, AS IT ALWAYS DOES, WITH A

GREAT PIECE OF DRAMATIC

STORYTELLING IN THE REHEARSAL

ROOM.

[ INDISTINCT CHATTER ]

>> HI, EVERYBODY. I'M AMY.

HEY. HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.

HI. HI, NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> AS DIRECTOR, FIRST-TIMER

PAUL RUST WAS SELECTED.

>> JUST WONDERING, UH, HAVE YOU

CAST MY CO-STAR YET?

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> WHO'S MR. HART, EH?

>> [ CHUCKLES ] LET ME GUESS.

>> OKAY.

>> RYAN GOSLING?

>> NO.

>> BRADLEY COOPER?

>> IT'S ADAM!

>> ADAM SANDLER?

>> HEY, HEY.

IS THIS WHERE ALL THE KICK-ASS

PEOPLE HANG OUT?

>> [ CHUCKLES ] AH!

>> [ CHUCKLES ] WHAT'S UP, BRO?

>> LOOK AT THIS GUY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

>> YOU GOOD?

>> MUCH BETTER NOW.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

>> AH! I'M GOOD.

>> ADAM -- LET'S HEAR IT FOR

ADAM.

>> HEY, EVERYBODY!

HEY, HEY!

AH, COME ON. COME ON.

IT'S JUST ME.

HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

HEY, UH, WE FIGURED OUT WHO MY

CO-STAR IS?

>> GET READY.

IT'S --

>> NATALIE PORTMAN.

>> AMY POEHLER.

HUH?

>> OKAY.

I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT AMY

BEING ON THE PROJECT.

I THINK IT'S GREAT.

IT'S A SURPRISE.

WORKING WITH AMY IS A

CHALLENGE, BUT WE WORK THROUGH

IT, AND WE -- WE DO THE BEST WE

CAN.

>> BEFORE WE SET THINGS IN

STONE, WE COULD JUST SWITCH

REALLY FAST.

>> SWITCH WHAT?

>> HORATIO COULD PLAY MR. HART,

AND YOU COULD PLAY MAX.

>> HORATIO. WHAT'S UP?

>> I'M PLAYING MAX.

I'M ONLY REALLY IN LIKE THE

FIRST MINUTE OF THE VIDEO, BUT

THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE WE'RE

MAKING SOMETHING GOOD HERE, AND,

LIKE, THERE'S NO SMALL PLAYERS

IN THIS THING, YOU KNOW?

>> I WOULD LOVE TO GET STARTED.

ARE YOU GOOD WITH THAT?

>> OH, I'M DEFINITELY GONNA DO

IT.

>> I'M DOING IT, TOO.

>> OKAY.

>> YOU'RE GONNA DO IT.

>> I AM DOING IT.

WE'RE ALL DOING IT.

>> ALL RIGHT. GREAT.

I'M HAPPY THAT I'M WORKING WITH

ADAM.

THE GREAT THING ABOUT WORKING

WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS THAT

YOU KNOW ALL OF THEIR TRICKS, SO

YOU ARE NEVER SURPRISED.

IT CREATES A MUTUAL SENSE OF

TRUST AND COMPLACENCY, AND

THAT'S NICE, AS AN ACTOR, TO

HAVE THE TIME TO PREPARE FOR THE

THREE OR FOUR THINGS THAT HE

DOES.

SO, PAUL, I JUST HAD A QUICK

QUESTION.

>> YEAH?

>> ADAM GETS TO DO THIS?

BECAUSE I-I THOUGHT HE ALREADY

DID ONE.

PEOPLE GET TO DO TWO?

>> YEAH, HE'S -- HE'S DOING TWO.

>> WHY IS HE IN TWO?

ADAM WAS TOLD HE'S GONNA BE IN

THE GREATEST THING IN TV [BLEEP]

WHATEVER.

HE WASN'T. THEY PROVED IT.

CASE [BLEEP] CLOSED.

>> I'M ADAM, BY THE WAY.

>> HENCEFORTH, CHECK THE [BLEEP]

CONTRACT, BRO.

ADAM'S IN THESE IN PERPETUITY,

WHICH MEANS FOREVER.

>> "I SAW YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME FOR?"

LIKE THAT?

>> NO.

>> SHOULD WE GO BACK, OR --

>> NO, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT

SCREWED UP.

SO WE CAN KEEP GOING.

>> OKAY.

REHEARSAL FOR ME IS WHEN I START

SEARCHING FOR TRUTH, AND WHEN I

SAY TRUTH, I MEAN THOSE TASTY

LITTLE NUGGETS THAT WE CAN JUST

GOBBLE UP SO WE CAN THEM SPIT

THEM OUT TO THE AUDIENCE AND

MAKE THEIR LIVES BETTER.

AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, AND

THAT'S THE GOAL.

>> PAUL, ONE MORE TIME -- WHY AM

I SITTING?

>> UH, 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN A CAR.

>> I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD

BE SITTING.

I DON'T KNOW IF MY CHARACTER

WOULD SIT.

COULD I STAND?

>> WHILE DRIVING?

>> YEAH.

THE REHEARSAL PROCESS HAS BEEN

HARD BECAUSE WHAT WE'RE DOING IS

WE'RE JUST KIND OF COPYING

WHAT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE, AND IT

COMES VERY EASILY TO ADAM.

AND IT'S A CHALLENGE FOR ME,

BECAUSE I'M SO CREATIVE AND

ORIGINAL, AND IT JUST -- IT'S

HARD FOR ME TO GET THERE.

>> I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING, TOO,

THAT MAYBE I'D BE STANDING?

LIKE, MAYBE I'M ALSO STANDING.

IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU?

>> UM, IT IS. IT'S FINE.

>> OKAY.

>> IT'S JUST -- I DON'T KNOW --

IF, LIKE -- IF WE'RE BOTH

STANDING, IS SUDDENLY LIKE --

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

>> OH. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

ACTUALLY, YEAH.

YEAH. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> NO, I-I --

>> NO, I'LL STAND -- I'LL SIT.

>> OR WE COULD DO IT LIKE IN THE

ORIGINAL, WHERE, YOU KNOW, BOTH

OF YOU ARE SITTING IN THE CAR.

>> YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.

>> YEAH. MM-HMM.

>> THAT'S WHAT WE SHOULD DO.

>> YEAH.

>> OKAY, COOL.

>> THANK YOU.

>> THAT'S GOOD.

OR...MAYBE, LIKE, I'M THE ONE

STANDING?

LIKE, MAYBE I'M, LIKE -- YEAH.

LIKE, MAYBE I'M STANDING, AND

YOU'RE SITTING, AND -- IS

THAT...

>> AMY, UM...

>> SURE, WHATEVER. YEAH.

>> OKAY.

OKAY, GREAT.

>> GREAT. OKAY.

>> AFTER AN EXHAUSTIVE TWO WEEKS

OF REHEARSAL, THE "HART TO HART"

TEAM WAS READY TO SHOOT.

>> STANDBY.

>> HI.

>> MR. SCOTT, WE'RE WAITING FOR

YOU ON SET.

>> OH.

IS AMY OUTSIDE, BY ANY CHANCE?

>> NO, SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU TO

LEAVE YOUR TRAILER.

>> INTERESTING.

I MEAN, I JUST DON'T WANT TO

STEP OUT OF MY TRAILER TILL AMY

STEPS OUT OF HER TRAILER.

IT JUST, LIKE, SETS THIS BAD

PRECEDENT.

>> YEAH, UH, WELL, YOU KNOW

WHAT?

I CAN JUST TAKE YOU NOW.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

>> HI.

>> MS. POEHLER.

ARE YOU GONNA COME TO SET TODAY?

>> YEAH. SURE.

WE READY TO GO?

>> YEAH.

>> OKAY. ADAM'S ON SET?

>> YEAH, HE'S JUST WAITING FOR

YOU TO LEAVE YOUR TRAILER.

>> HE'S NOT ON SET?

>> HE WANTED YOU TO LEAVE YOUR

TRAILER FIRST, SO...

>> DON'T BE UPSET.

DON'T BE SCARED.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M NOT ANGRY AT YOU.

I KNOW YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> THANKS SO MUCH.

>> OKAY. BYE.

>> WELL, WE'RE READY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S NORMALLY AN EASY

JOB.

UH, YOU JUST TELL PEOPLE WHEN

IT'S TIME TO GO TO SET, UH, AND

THEY GO, BUT THESE PEOPLE,

NEITHER OF THEM WANT TO GO TO

SET.

>> PRODUCTION RESUMED AFTER

BOTH AMY AND ADAM AGREED TO

LEAVE THEIR TRAILERS AT THE

EXACT SAME TIME.

[ AIR HORN BLOWS ]

HOWEVER, WALKING ONTO SET WAS

SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

>> GO AHEAD.

>> WHENEVER YOU'RE READY.

>> I'M READY.

>> TALENT AND ADAM ARE READY.

>> I DON'T LIKE WASTING TIME.

IT'S JUST SOMETHING I DON'T DO.

I AM UNABLE TO WASTE TIME

BECAUSE I THINK TIME IS

PRECIOUS, AND WHEN I HEAR THAT

THERE MIGHT BE TIME WASTED ON

SET, I JUST WON'T GO, BECAUSE

WHEN I GO ON SET, I WANT TO

WORK.

SHE'S ON THE SET.

TECHNICALLY, SHE'S ON THE SET.

>> OKAY, LET'S GET STARTED!

>> [BLEEP]

>> WITH AMY TECHNICALLY STEPPING

ON SET FIRST, ADAM RELUCTANTLY

AGREED TO GET STARTED.

>> I THINK HE SAYS "CHEERS."

>> OKAY, PAUL. ARE YOU HERE?

>> YEAH. RIGHT HERE, BUDDY.

WHAT'S UP?

>> HEY.

Can you -- can you tell Amy

that, like, when -- when we do

the -- the toast, the timing has

to be -- it's like a

one-two-three thing, but I feel

like she's kind of going on

four.

I'm going on three.

>> So, Adam was kind of

concerned --

>> Can you let Adam know that,

um, finding rhythm can be

difficult when a partner you're

working with doesn't have any?

>> PAUL.

>> Do -- Do you know?

>> WOULD YOU MIND TELLING AMY

THAT, WHILE I AM EXHAUSTED BY

HER, I ACTUALLY FIND HER LITTLE

GAMES HILARIOUS.

>> WHEN ADAM AND I WORK

TOGETHER, THERE'S A CERTAIN,

LIKE, UH, VOCABULARY THAT WE

DON'T HAVE -- WE DON'T SHARE.

>> WE CAN TALK ALL NIGHT LONG --

ALL NIGHT LONG.

WILL YOU LET AMY KNOW THAT?

>> PAUL, WILL YOU LET ADAM

KNOW -- AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET HORATIO KNOW, TOO, THAT WHEN

YOU'RE WORKING WITH A ROBOT,

SOMETIMES YOU FORGET THAT THEY

HAVE EMOTION.

>> HORATIO.

>> WHAT?

>> AMY THINKS --

>> I HEARD IT.

I'VE BEEN AROUND THE SET FOR

THREE DAYS NOW.

OH, EXCUSE ME. THAT'S MY WATER.

UH, YESTERDAY, I-I DIDN'T LEAVE

A CHAIR FOR NINE HOURS.

BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE WE'RE

MAKING SOMETHING GOOD HERE, AND

AS FAR AS AMY AND ADAM BEING

MAYBE A LITTLE WEIRD OR

SOMETHING ON THE SET, I DON'T

KNOW.

THEY CARE ABOUT THEIR WORK.

SO, I DON'T KNOW.

I TRY NOT TO GET INTO ALL THAT

BUSINESS.

"WHAT?

THAT GUY'S A [BLEEP] DICK," OR,

"WHAT A JACKOFF," OR, "I'LL

NEVER WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE

AGAIN," OR, "[BLEEP] 'A,' I HOPE

THOSE GUYS DIE" -- YOU KNOW, YOU

HEAR [BLEEP] LIKE THIS, AND

YOU'RE LIKE, "WELL, WHATEVER."

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

HEY, GUYS, IT'S TACO TRUCK

FRIDAYS.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME FOR A

SEC.

I HAVE TO TAKE A [BLEEP]

>> OKAY.

BETTER GET THAT DONE BEFORE THEM

TACOS.

AMY.

>> HEY.

>> WHAT'S UP?

WE HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THE

SET.

EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT,

"AMY'S KILLING IT, YOU KNOW?"

>> AWW.

>> "SHE'S DOING SO GREAT."

>> WELL, THAT'S SO SWEET TO

HEAR.

>> YEAH.

>> PEOPLE ARE REALLY NICE HERE.

>> I'M A LITTLE WORRIED BECAUSE,

YOU KNOW, WE'VE ONLY SHOT, YOU

KNOW, 10 SECONDS OF FILM.

>> SORRY. I WASN'T LISTENING.

WHAT?

>> AND CUT.

[ BUZZER ]

>> BUT WHAT AMY WAS DOING WASN'T

WHAT THE INTRO WAS, EITHER.

>> BUT IT WORKS. BUT IT WORKS.

>> WHY DOES THAT WORK AND THIS

DOESN'T WORK?

PAUL, WOULD YOU MIND TELLING AMY

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF SHE DIDN'T

USE THE "N" WORD ON SET TODAY.

>> AAH!

>> SORRY.

>> WITH THE PRODUCTION MAKING

LITTLE TO NO PROGRESS,

THERAPIST AND CHEMISTRY

SPECIALIST BELL TAINT WAS

BROUGHT IN TO HELP ADDRESS

ON-SET TENSION AND IMPROVE AMY

AND ADAM'S RELATIONSHIP.

>> I AM JUST HAVING A HARD TIME

CONNECTING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF

THE GLASSES.

I CAN'T SEE ADAM'S EYES, AND I

THINK THAT'S INTERESTING, DON'T

YOU?

>> I THINK YOU'RE SAYING IT TO

ME WHEN WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO

SAY IS TO ADAM.

>> I JUST THINK IT'S INTERESTING

THAT YOU'RE WEARING GLASSES

WHILE WE DO THIS, UH, THERAPY

SESSION, WHICH YOU --

>> UH, HERE, LET'S TRY THIS

EXERCISE.

SO IT'S AN EXERCISE THAT I CALL

"POST-IT."

I'M GONNA GIVE EACH OF YOU A

POST-IT.

ONE FOR YOU, AMY.

>> THANK YOU.

>> WELL, DON'T SAY THANK YOU TO

ME.

SAY THANK YOU TO ADAM.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO

HERE.

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR, UH, BEING NEXT TO

ME WHEN THE THERAPIST GAVE ME A

POST-IT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK LET'S PUT A HOLD ON THAT

'CAUSE I -- YOU'RE NOT READY.

>> WELL, IT JUST IS CONFUSING.

>> HERE IS YOUR POST-IT.

>> IT'S REALLY DARK IN HERE.

CAN WE GET SOME -- SOME LIGHTS

ON OR SOMETHING?

>> WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE YOUR

GLASSES OFF?

>> I CAN'T.

THE LIGHTS ARE TOO BRIGHT.

HMM. INTERESTING.

>> HERE IS THE EXERCISE -- I

WANT YOU TO EACH WRITE ON THE

PAPER A LIST OF 15 MEMORIES THAT

MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU ABOUT THE

OTHER PERSON -- JUST A PARAGRAPH

OR TWO ON EACH MEMORY.

OKAY, LET'S SEE.

SO YOU WROTE, "I LIKE TITTIES."

OKAY.

HAS A PICTURE OF A BUTT, AND IT

SAYS, "I'M ADAM, AND I LIKE TO

FART."

AND THEN THERE IS A LITTLE LINE

COMING OUT THAT, I'M GUESSING,

SYMBOLIZES THE SMELL OF THE

FART.

IT'S CLEAR WHAT'S GOING ON WITH

AMY AND ADAM.

I MEAN, ADAM CLEARLY SUFFERS

FROM A VERSION OF LUPUS THAT

I'VE SEEN MANY TIMES, AND AMY'S

WAY OF COPING WITH IT IS TO USE

VIOLENCE.

WHEN YOU HAVE A VIOLENT PERSON

CONSTANTLY HITTING SOMEONE WITH

LUPUS, THEY CALL IT THE

LUPUS PUNCH.

WHEN YOU GET HIT WITH A LUPUS

PUNCH, YOU'RE WEAKER BECAUSE

OF -- WELL, BECAUSE OF THE

LUPUS.

LOOK, I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE THE

"ARTISTS" AMONG THE THREE OF US,

BUT I HAVE DONE A FEW GIGS BACK

IN THE DAY WITH A BLUES COMBO IN

CLEVELAND, OHIO.

UH, WE DID SPARKYS.

WE DID GROMMS SANDWICH.

UH, AND WE DID SPARKYS AGAIN.

IS -- IS ANYONE DOING THE SCORE

YET FOR THIS PIECE, BECAUSE --

>> I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

>> I THINK --

>> I -- I DO KNOW WHAT I'M --

>> I THINK THEY'RE JUST USING

THE MUSIC FROM THE ORIGINAL

SHOW.

>> OKAY, 'CAUSE I DO HAVE SOME

IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M NOT JUST SAYING, "OH, YOU

KNOW."

YOU CAN CALL SPARKYS.

>> WITH DR. TAINT'S THERAPY

BEHIND THEM, AMY AND ADAM WERE

ABLE TO SET ASIDE THEIR

DIFFERENCES AND COMPLETE WORK ON

THE PROJECT.

[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> WE GOT IT.IC PLAYS ]

>> [ LAUGHING ]

>> YOU SEE WHAT HE'S DOING?

>> YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING?

IT'S LIKE SHE'S SUCKING MY...

>> AND IT WAS ALL WORTH IT.

WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE IS WHAT

WILL CERTAINLY BE KNOWN --

CERTAINLY GO -- W-WILL SURELY GO

DOWN AS, RIGHT?

10...9...8...7...

6...5...4...

3...2...1...

[ CROWD CHEERING ]

[ THEME SONG PLAYS ]

>> THIS IS MY BOSS,

JONATHAN HART, A SELF-MADE

MILLIONAIRE.

HE'S QUITE A GUY.

THIS IS MRS. H.

SHE'S GORGEOUS.

SHE'S ONE LADY WHO KNOWS HOW TO

TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

BY THE WAY, MY NAME IS MAX.

I TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF THEM,

WHICH AIN'T EASY, 'CAUSE WHEN

THEY MET, IT WAS MURDER!

>> [ BARKS ]

>> THANK YOU, AND GOODNI--

[ THEME SONG PLAYS ]

>> THIS IS MY BOSS,

JONATHAN HART, A SELF-MADE

MILLIONAIRE.

HE'S QUITE A GUY.

THIS IS MRS. H.

SHE'S GORGEOUS.

SHE'S ONE LADY WHO KNOWS HOW TO

TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

BY THE WAY, MY NAME IS MAX.

I TAKE CARE OF BOTH OF THEM,

WHICH AIN'T EASY, 'CAUSE WHEN

THEY MET, IT WAS MURDER!

>> [ BARKS ]

>> UH, YOU KNOW, WHEN PAUL RUST

CAME TO ME, UH, AND SAID

[CLEARS THROAT] YOU KNOW, WE

WANT TO DO A LOT OF THIS STUFF

IN POST, I -- YOU KNOW, I LOOKED

AT HIM, I SAID, "YOU COULD JUST

SHOOT THIS STUFF, BUT I

UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'VE COME TO

ME."

WHAT I DO, WHAT I SPECIALIZE IN,

IS TAKING EVERYDAY OBJECTS THAT

YOU COULD SHOOT IN REALITY, AND

I CGI THEM.

SOMETIMES YOU'LL SEE A SHOT, AND

THEY -- THEY CAN'T GET THE

RIGHTS TO A SET OF CAR KEYS, SO

WE'LL BUILD THOSE CAR KEYS IN

POST.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T HAVE

FINGERNAILS.

WE'LL BUILD THOSE FINGERNAILS IN

POST.

PEOPLE EATING TINFOIL, BECAUSE

OF FILLINGS -- PEOPLE HAVE

FILLINGS -- UH, IT CAN REACT.

>> SURE.

>> SO WE DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE

PEOPLE -- WE'LL JUST HAVE PEOPLE

EAT, UH, GREEN PAPER.

AND THEN WE'LL MAKE IT INTO

TINFOIL IN POST.

PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME, AM I

JEALOUS OF MY COUSIN

MICHAEL BAY?

UH, YOU KNOW, MICHAEL --

I'M SORRY TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT

MICHAEL, BUT IT'S LIKE -- IT'S

SOMETHING I DEAL WITH ON A

DAY-TO-DAY BASIS.

AND MY WIFE IS LIKE, "NOBODY IS

COMPARING YOU TO MICHAEL."

I SAID, "I'M -- I AM -- TALK TO

MY MOM, BECAUSE I GET ALL THE

CLIPPINGS."

I GET EVERY CLIPPING, EVERY

ARTICLE, EVERY -- AND NOW, WITH

THE INTERNET, ALL THE

INTERVIEWS, ALL THE PRESS

JUNKETS, I SEE EVERY ONE, AND I

WATCH THEM ALL, 'CAUSE -- WHAT?

HE'S MY COUSIN.

I'M PROUD OF HIM.

BUT TO SEE MICHAEL BAY SUCCEED

AS HE HAS, AND TO KNOW THAT WE

WERE -- GREW UP IN THE SANDBOX

TOGETHER PLAYING AND -- AND, YOU

KNOW, BOTH HAD PRETTY GRAND

DREAMS, AND TO SEE HIM SUCCEED

HOW HE HA-- HOW HE HAS, AND TO

KNOW THAT I'M DOING FINE...

UM, I'M MAKING A LIVING DOING

WHAT I LOVE, WHICH IS TO

RE-CREATE, UM, REAL-LIFE OBJECTS

IN CGI.

I HAVE A PROGRAM THAT MAKES

LIQUID LOOK ALMOST REAL.

ONE OF MY SPECIALTIES IS

DIARRHEA.

SO [CLEARS THROAT] NOT EVERYBODY

WANTS TO ACTUALLY GET DIARRHEA

IN A MOVIE.

LET'S SAY SOMEONE NEEDS SOME

DIARRHEA, YOU KNOW, FOR A MOVIE,

AND THEY DON'T WANT -- THEN THEY

COME TO ME, AND I BUILD IT IN

POST, YOU KNOW?

UM, AND IT'S EASY.

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'M ONE OF THE BEST DIARRHEA

GUYS IN THE BIZ.