Original subtitles

- [Narrator] The following is a counseling session

with a certified therapist.

The patients, however, are comedians.

They are not in an actual relationship,

and their stories are fictional.

I love you.

(relaxed music)

- We are here because we have to be.

- I'm here because I wanna be.

I really wanna sort this out.

- Okay, why don't we start-- - With a lie?

- Well. - She already did.

She doesn't want to be here.

- I know you're here for court mandated therapy.

- Yeah court mandated it.

- I see you guys are fighting over the inheritance,

that's what's going on.

- Yeah.

- Who's older? - Obviously.

- Okay, all right.

So you're older. - I am.

Older brother, responsible.

- Although he hasn't been much of a brother.

Haven't seen him for 10 years, so.

- How did you guys's father die?

- Uh--

(80s electro-pop music)

I mean I don't really know, to be honest.

I was just doing my morning workout,

he was just sitting there all old,

and his body was withering away.

Probably just died of old age or something.

♪ I told you that was music is meant for ♪

(80s electro-pop music)

- Oh (bleep).

- I'm very sorry for your loss.

- It's okay.

- So 10 years ago, you left the family.

- I left the family to go forge my own path

to start a startup for helping startups get started,

and I think that I don't know why the family--

- You just left to forge a path,

is that why you never talk to us?

- You left us, you took off.

I wanted to be my own person, is that so wrong?

I'll tell you what, I know a little story about someone

who also wanted to be their own person,

and that man's name was Christopher Columbus

and that's where I live, Columbus, Ohio.

- And he murdered a ton of people and didn't even know

where he ended up-- - No he did not.

- We're talking about Christopher Columbus.

- Oh. - Yeah, okay,

so you left 10 years ago to do your thing.

- And get the startup going.

- [Natalie] 'Cause he can't think of an actual startup.

- [Davina] Okay, hang on, it's his turn, it's his turn.

- In Ohio, Columbus Ohio, and yeah, basically there

'cause that's where the SV's moving, Silicon Valley.

It's kinda picking up from Cali and it's heading over

to Columbus, anybody in the biz kinda knows that there's--

- Nobody's doing that-- - Stirring afoot.

- Nobody's doing that, you're gonna fail.

- Anyways, I get word that my father has passed away

and if you need details I immediately fell to the floor

in sort of a platoon fashion and screamed to the sky.

- Okay, Natalie, do you often do things like that

when your brother's trying to talk

or kill the stress that way?

- I'm expressing myself.

- How did your father, what was your relationship

with your father? - He loved me.

- Okay. - We really connected

early on, I don't know what it was,

but we just had a very strong bond.

There was a little animosity between he and I

when I didn't go and become a lawyer,

which I was very capable of doing.

There's no me not becoming a lawyer

because I couldn't handle it.

- I don't think he is smart enough--

- Very capable-- - To be a lawyer.

- Well he was, 'cause he was a lawyer.

- No, you.

- I am also smart enough to be a lawyer.

So I could have been a lawyer.

- Let's let Rory talk.

- But instead I said I wanna forge my own path

and I think that scared my dad, I think he feared that

I would go on and become-- - A loser.

- Bigger and better at life and as you can tell,

if you know anything about startups, I'm doing (sighs),

it's going pretty good.

- What are you doing?

- We're just getting started.

- What is it about, the startup?

- Help another startup.

- So thank you for sharing.

- So what are your ideas for some other startups?

- Maybe rallying some startups to get things started.

- I'm gonna stop you for a second.

Natalie, how about you, what was your relationship like

with your dad?

- So our dad always treated me like second best garbage.

- [Rory] Makes sense.

- He would always talk about him.

He was always talk about Rory, where's Rory?

Where is Rory and I'm like, "What about me?

"I'm right freaking here, it's like I'm invisible

"to everyone," I'm invisible to you.

I'm invisible to Dad.

- You feel obviously very resentful,

but what happened really hurt.

- Rightfully so, I think,

and I think that's why I should keep the money.

- What was it like seeing one another after 10 years?

(chuckles)

(soft music)

- Well what is that? - It's a BMW.

- It's a Mercedes and it's irresponsible, wasteful spending.

My wife and I went to the house

and guess how we were greeted?

She opens the door, she's wearing a fur coat.

Hello, the 90s called.

1790s.

She was eating shrimp cocktail, it was 9 a.m.

- I'm on a paleo diet, I survive on protein.

Okay, I don't care what time of (bleep) day it is.

- We just saw each other for the first time in 10 years,

and those are the exact words she said,

and I said, "You have got to change.

"But right now, where (bleep) is the money?"

- What are you gonna do with the money

once it clears probate?

Leave with your fake pregnant wife?

- Oh my-- - You're both sick.

- She is. - You're sick, you're sick!

- She is sick. - What's wrong with her?

- She's fake pregnant.

- Okay, so you were really upset when you saw her

in the fur coat and shrimp.

- Who knows how much shrimp she's purchased.

Who knows what fish market she's gone to to buy in bulk,

because clearly that's the case.

- I have to eat freshly caught shrimp.

- [Davina] And why is it an issue for you?

- Because I'm allergic to shell fish.

I'm allergic to shrimp. - Well to be fair--

- [Davina] But you weren't eating it, right?

- I wasn't eating it, if it's near me, if it's near.

And she was throwing the shrimp tails at me.

Throwing is nice, she was spitting them.

Like that, she'd go, fuh!

Like, pluh!

Oh and she was sexually aggressive towards my wife.

- [Davina] What do you mean?

- He has a hot wife and-- - What was she doing to her?

- Thrusting my hips up against her.

Kinda making like a hissing sound in her ear, kinda--

(hisses)

- [Rory] And my wife when she gets nervous

laughs hysterically, and I know that she's in pain

when she's laughing hysterically, and I think she thought,

ooh I'm very funny.

- So there's a reason that you guys are here.

Do you wanna tell me what happened at the funeral?

- I'll start because I feel like I was the one

who was violated.

- And then I'll finish because I'm the one who will

clean up the lies that she tells.

- Okay.

(somber music)

- [Natalie] It was so depressing, it made me sick.

My dad looked like (bleep).

There were 10 people there and they were all so sad.

I was trying to make it fun,

and Rory was being a little bitch.

- Which is unfortunate 'cause we were

grieving someone's death.

- I was celebrating my father's life.

- I'm grieving his death.

- And I wanted to have a fun party,

and just kinda like let loose and he was threatened by that

because he doesn't really know how to have fun.

- [Rory] Not threatened, I know how to have fun

all the time.

- [Davina] Again, everybody deals with grief

in a different way.

- Woo!

(relaxed music)

Rory seems to think that it is (bleep) up

that I'm not miserable up here.

I refuse to be because I'm just happy

that my dad lived and party back at our place.

After this we're gonna have some champagne and poppers

for anyone who's interested.

- Do you guys know what a popper is?

Tell us what a popper is.

- A popper is a vial, you unscrew it and sniff it,

and it makes your butt loose.

- At a funeral.

- A celebration of life party--

- At a funeral-- - Which I was trying to

turn into an orgy.

- And that seemed appropriate how?

- Because my dad loved to (bleep).

- So after Natalie gave her eulogy--

- Snooze fest-- - You gave yours.

- I had everyone stand up and I had them put

both hands in the air and I said, "Who here

"wants to one day drive a Lamborghini?"

And every single person kept both hands up,

and I said, "That's the start of something special,"

and I explained that I'm in the business of starting things

that need to start when people are lacking a start.

I'm a starter, I'm a starter startup, you know?

I am now a good 10 minutes into my eulogy.

Everyone is still standing with both arms up.

- Not everyone.

- Well everyone but her, but at one point I did see

half a hand go up.

- Some of the stuff you were saying--

- Some of it she was like, I would like that.

And I said, "Keep your hands up if you wanna help

"hit $250,000 by the end of this eulogy."

It was a metaphor for how important it is

to invest in startups.

- [Natalie] Begging grieving people

for money for your startup.

- Hang on one second.

You're totally gonna have the floor in just a minute.

- I'm sorry. - Thank you, thank you.

In a hurtful manner a lot of people put their arms down

and sat back down but I think they got the message.

If you wanna be successful it's not free.

And I think you're probably getting that message too

and before we take off I'll make sure I leave a card

and you can see where my Kickstarter website is.

- So the first stage in grief and loss is denial

and it kinda seems like maybe you might be there right now.

- No.

- [Davina] In shock about your dad's death.

- Yeah it does seem like that, yeah.

- No, you're both wrong, which is weird.

In these kinda numbers, usually two out of three people's

right about something but in this case,

two out of three are wrong.

Well I was kind of winding down, and I feel something

hit my face aggressively and it makes like a (flicks tongue)

sound, you know what I mean, that's like (flicks tongue).

I then see the shrimp are coming at me from her,

and I'm not even joking-- - You were throwing shrimp.

- While also living in fear that I was about to die

from my shrimp allergy, I was also blown away

by how quickly and how frequently

she was throwing shrimp at me.

There was, deet, deet, deet, and I was like,

I don't even know how you do that.

- So you were really sabotaging your brother.

- Yeah, I'd say that.

- And it was just, it hurt and I started to

break out in hives, I was itching all over,

just now I'm like instinctually I'm reliving it.

I fall to the ground and I'm like oh my God,

I'm gonna die at my dad's funeral.

(screams)

(grunting)

- Eat it!

Eat the shrimp, Rory!

- I can't breathe!

- Do you like that, huh? - I hate it!

- Do you like that? - No I don't like it!

Ow!

- What are you trying to do, Natalie?

- Obviously hurt me.

- I'm trying to make a connection.

- Ouch!

- He didn't even touch it that time.

- When she gets close, I feel the pain.

- Yeah, maybe physically connecting with him

wasn't the best idea right now.

Maybe there's other ways.

- Financially supporting me would be a

better way to go then.

I honestly feel like if we shared that--

- You're not getting any (bleep) money.

- I'd feel such a great connection if we shared Dad's money.

- You're not getting any of the money.

- Yeah, nobody's gonna get any of the money

until they can resolve it.

- Doctor! - Until we can resolve it.

- Doctor!

- What if we give you some of the money,

is this what this is about?

- No. - You want some of the money.

I like where you're at.

- I get paid whether or not--

- Getting things started.

- Well, thank you both for coming today.

I'm not able to sign off on this yet.

We will meet again next week, same time,

and I look forward to helping you resolve the situation.

- Unreal.

- Thanks for having us, thanks so much.

- You're welcome. - Absolutely.

Is there money? - There's no money.

I'll see you next week.

- Is there money in here?

Would it be cash or would it be a check like--

- I'll see you guys next week.

- [Rory] I hope it's cash in like a briefcase.

- [Natalie] Shut up.

(relaxed music)