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>> Together: SURPRISE!
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>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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COME ON, OPEN YOUR PRESENT!
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>> OH, ALL RIGHT!
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ALL RIGHT.
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HEY!
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YOU GOT THE ONE I WANTED!
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>> COME ON, TRY IT OUT.
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>> YEAH, YEAH, WATCH OUT.
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[ ENERGY HUMMING ]
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[ MOTOR WHIRRING ]
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>> WORKS!
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HA HA!
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>> IT DOESN'T END THERE.
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WE GOT ICE-CREAM CAKE, AND IT'S
16
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SITTING IN THE BREAK ROOM.
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>> ICE-CREAM CAKE?
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>> RUM RAISIN -- YOUR FAVORITE.
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>> I'LL BE RIGHT THERE, AS SOON
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AS I SET THE AUTOGUARD ON THE
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SYSTEM HERE, GUYS.
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>> * FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD
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FELLOW *
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* FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
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* FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
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>> I LOVE YOU GUYS!
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OH, 41's GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR
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YET.
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>> TUNE IN, TURN ON...
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KNOCKED OUT.
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>> DIEGO!
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>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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>> DIEGO!
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>> Kove: GABBY HOFFSTEIN -- THE
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MOST EXTREME LEFTIST MILITANT OF
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THE HIPPIE GENERATION.
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HE WAS CAPTURED BY NTSF IN 1969
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AND SENTENCED TO 37 CONSECUTIVE
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LIFE TERMS.
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AND NOW HE IS LOOSE IN OUR TIME.
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>> Trent: THE '60s -- THE WORST
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PERIOD IN AMERICA'S HISTORY.
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>> Kove: A MAD MAN LIKE
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HOFFSTEIN ON THE LOOSE THREATENS
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TO UNDO ALL THE GOOD WORK NIXON
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DID.
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>> Trent: WE'LL GET THIS COMMIE
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AND SEND HIM BACK TO RUSSIA.
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>> Kove: NOT SO FAST.
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FOR A CASE WITH THIS HISTORICAL
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MAGNITUDE, WE NEED SOMEONE WHO
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KNOWS HOFFSTEIN INSIDE AND OUT.
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SO I PUT IN A PHONE CALL TO
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BOOTH WHITMAN.
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>> Trent: LEGENDARY NTSF AGENT.
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>> Piper: MORE LIKE LEGENDARY
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MISOGYNIST.
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HE FOUGHT FOR YEARS AGAINST
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WOMEN BEING IN NTSF.
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>> Kove: SADLY, HE LOST THAT
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FIGHT.
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WHITMAN PUT HOFFSTEIN AWAY, AND
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WE'LL NEED HIS INVALUABLE
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EXPERIENCE TO BRING THIS NO-GOOD
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DO-GOODER TO JUSTICE.
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>> I WAS SITTING IN MY
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RETIREMENT HOME, PLAYING
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CRIBBAGE AND PINCHING NURSES'
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BOTTOMS WHEN I HEAR THAT
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HOFFSTEIN IS ON THE LAM.
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I SHOULD HAVE CURB-STOPPED THAT
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GRANOLA FREAK WHEN I HAD THE
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CHANCE.
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>> Trent: BOOTH WHITMAN --
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TRENT HAUSER.
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PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
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>> WHEN DID THEY START LETTING
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NTSF AGENTS GROW OUT HIPPIE
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MANES LIKE COUNTRY JOE?
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HAVE YOUR SECRETARY HERE FIX ME
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A WHISKEY SOUR.
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>> Piper: I'M NOT HIS SECRETARY.
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I'M AN NTSF AGENT.
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>> WELL, WELL, WHO'S THIS HOT
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DRINK OF SASS?
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>> Piper: MY NAME IS
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PIPER FERGUSON
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>> Kove: ENOUGH!
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TRENT, PIPER, ACCOMMODATE
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WHITMAN AND HIS NEEDS.
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[ FINGERS CLICKING ]
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>> HEY, HEY!
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WHAT IT IS, SOUL BROTHER!
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>> AAH!
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WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?
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DID YOU JUST PUT YOUR HAND IN MY
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FACE?
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>> LISTEN, I NEED YOUR HELP.
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WHERE DO THE HIPPIES HANG OUT?
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>> HIPPIES?
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YOU MEAN LIKE SHAGGY FROM
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"SCOOBY DOO" OR...?
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>> NO, I KNOW.
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HEY, WHY SHOULD YOU TRUST ME,
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RIGHT?
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I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU TO MAKE
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SURE THAT YOU CAN DRINK FROM
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THAT FOUNTAIN RIGHT THERE.
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YOU DIG?
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>> WHY WOULD I WANT TO DRINK
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FROM THAT WATER FOUNTAIN?
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THAT'S WHERE HOMELESS PEOPLE GO
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TO URINATE.
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I REALLY GOT TO GET BACK TO
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WORKING ON THIS BLOG ABOUT MY
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ARTISANAL WALLPAPER AND STUDYING
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MUSIC LYRICS.
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>> ARTISANAL?
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I FEEL LIKE I ATE THE BROWN
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ACID, MAN.
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>> Trent: WELCOME TO THE
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BOHEMIAN DISTRICT, WHERE SKINNY
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JEANS, IRONIC T-SHIRTS, AND
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CHUNKY FRAMES REIGN SUPREME.
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>> Piper: COMPUTER TRACKS HIS
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HEAT SIGNATURE TO THIS AREA.
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>> WE'LL TAKE IT ON THE ARCHES.
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>> Trent: HATE WALKING.
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NO GPS.
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>> YOU, PIPER -- TAKE THE LEAD.
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I WANT TO GET A GOOD LOOK AT
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THIS CABOOSE.
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>> Piper: [ SCOFFS ]
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WHAT A PIG.
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>> EXCELLENT.
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SUBVERSIVES.
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TIME TO CRACK SOME SKULLS.
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>> Piper: OKAY, BUDDY BOY, NTSF
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MAY HAVE BEEN THE WILD WEST BACK
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IN YOUR DAY, BUT IT'S 2013, AND
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AROUND HERE, WE FOLLOW PROTOCOL
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WHEN IT COMES TO QUESTIONING
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CIVILIANS.
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[ GUITAR STRUMMING ]
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>> Trent: TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO
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KNOW!
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>> WHY ARE YOU POINTING
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SOMETHING IN MY FACE?!
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>> ANGEL, LET THE MEN DO THE
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DIRTY WORK.
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I WANT YOU TO TAKE THOSE
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BEAUTIFUL ICE-BLUE EYES AND FIND
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ME THE NEAREST CRAPPER.
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I GOT A LOAD ON BOARD THAT WOULD
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CHOKE A GORILLA.
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>> Piper: [ SCOFFS ]
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"BEAUTIFUL EYES."
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>> AAH!
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>> NOW, DOES THAT JOG YOUR
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REEFER-ADDLED MEMORY,
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WAVY GRAVY?!
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>> THERE WAS A GUY WHO WAS HERE
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A FEW MINUTES EARLIER!
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>> YES! HE'S HOFFSTEIN.
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I KNOW IT. I CAN FEEL IT.
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LET'S HIT THE BRICKS.
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>> OH-HO-HO!
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AH, "REVOLUTION IN THE STREETS."
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YEAH.
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"SAN DIEGO TIMES #1 eBOOK."
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I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT AN
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eBOOK IS.
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[ DOOR OPENS, BELL JINGLES ]
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OH!
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OH-HO-HO! MY MAN!
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THE GREEN REVOLUTION IS HERE,
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BABY!
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HEY, I GOT TO GET OFF THESE
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CONCRETE STREETS.
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CAN I HIDE IN YOUR STORE FOR A
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SPELL?
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>> UH, WELL, I SHOULD PROBABLY
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CHECK WITH MY MANAGER.
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>> YEAH, COOL, MAN, COOL!
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WHERE IS HE?
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WHERE'S HE AT?
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>> I THINK HE'S AT THE CORPORATE
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OFFICES IN LA JOLLA.
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>> NO!
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CAPITALISM'S INVISIBLE HANDS HAS
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ALREADY GOT TO THE CO-OPS?!
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YOU DON'T DESERVE THOSE ORANGES,
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MAN.
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OH!
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KRISHNA.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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>> HELLO, OFFICER.
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>> WEED, PLEASE.
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>> OH.
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LEGAL WEED.
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EVEN GRASS SOLD OUT.
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WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO
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AMERICA, MAN?
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>> GIVE US HOFFSTEIN OR GOOD
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LUCK DODGING MY FIST.
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>> YOU'RE CRAZY, MAN.
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I DON'T KNOW NO HOFFSTEIN.
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>> DON'T GIVE ME NO DOUBLE
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NEGATIVES!
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>> Piper: WHITMAN, HE DOESN'T
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KNOW ANYTHING!
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>> ORGANIC GROCERIES, LADIES
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WEARING PANTS.
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NO WONDER WE HAVEN'T WON A WAR
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SINCE KOREA.
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THE WORLD HAS PASSED ME BY.
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>> Piper: WHITMAN, COME BACK!
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>> HEY, MAN, HOW MUCH FOR A
220
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NEWSPAPER?
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>> YEAH, NO, MAN, THIS ISN'T A
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REAL BOOKSTORE.
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NO, THIS IS A SCULPTURE,
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EXPOSING THE ARTIFICIALITY OF
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THE CONCEPT OF OBJECTIVITY IN
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THE PUBLIC SPHERE.
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>> NO!
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>> AAH!
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>> OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY
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WORLD?!
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I GOT TO LEAVE, MAN.
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I GOT TO GET!
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OH, I GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE SAFE,
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LIKE YUGOSLAVIA OR
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CZECHOSLOVAKIA OR EAST GERMANY.
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>> IS THAT LIKE NARNIA?
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ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY NARNIA?
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>> NO, NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.
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OH, MY GOD.
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WHAT KIND OF A WORLD IS IT WHERE
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A BEAUTIFUL MARXIST UTOPIA LIKE
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YUGOSLAVIA DOESN'T EXIST?!
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NO WORLD I WANT TO LIVE IN.
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GET OUT OF MY WAY.
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GET OUT OF MY WAY!
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GET OUT OF MY WAY!
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>> Piper: WHITMAN, WHAT ARE YOU
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DOING?
249
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GABBY'S GETTING AWAY.
250
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>> THE ONLY THING I'M GOOD FOR
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ANYMORE.
252
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I'M A DINOSAUR.
253
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>> Piper: YOU ARE A DINOSAUR.
254
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BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, WHITMAN?
255
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THE WORLD NEEDS DINOSAURS.
256
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WITHOUT THEM, WE WOULDN'T HAVE
257
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FOSSIL FUELS OR HILARIOUS
258
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EXHIBITS IN CREATIONIST MUSEUMS.
259
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AND IN THIS DAY AND AGE OF
260
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METROSEXUAL WIMPS...
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THE TOUGH, HARD-DRINKING,
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RACIST, MISOGYNISTIC,
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HEAVY-SMOKING, ANGERED JUNKIE
264
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,627
TAKES US BACK TO A BETTER TIME.
265
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,703
POINT IS, WHITMAN, YOU CANNOT
266
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,741
GIVE UP NOW.
267
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:50,736
THE PEOPLE OF SAN DIEGO NEED
268
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:53,508
YOU.
269
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,177
AND I NEED YOU, TOO.
270
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,035
>> GOD, I WISH I KNEW YOU
271
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,114
50 YEARS AGO.
272
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,981
I'D HAVE MADE YOU MY MISTRESS.
273
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:00,980
>> Piper: THANK YOU FOR SAYING
274
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,121
THAT.
275
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,015
>> NOT EVEN ONE SHAVE AND IT'S
276
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,049
ALREADY BROKEN.
277
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:09,664
STUPID PIECE OF JUNK.
278
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:10,657
7600?
279
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,888
I WANTED THE 8600.
280
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:13,863
>> [ SIGHS ]
281
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,631
FOR EVERY SEASON...
282
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:18,029
TURN...TURN, TURN.
283
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,601
>> Piper: SO, WHAT WAS HOFFSTEIN
284
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,600
CHARGED WITH ANYWAY?
285
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,102
>> ENCOURAGING WOMEN AND
286
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,673
AFRICAN-AMERICANS TO VOTE.
287
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,543
>> Trent: PUT IT IN MY EAR.
288
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:28,581
WHAT?
289
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:31,176
HOSTAGE AT THE CRYO-JAIL.
290
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:33,008
>> Piper: LEAD THE WAY, WHITMAN.
291
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,023
ACTUALLY, I'LL LEAD THE WAY.
292
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,288
>> HOFFSTEIN.
293
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,134
>> WELL, WELL, WELL, WHITMAN.
294
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,659
LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT,
295
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,934
WHITE PIG -- I DON'T BELIEVE IN
296
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,073
VIOLENT CONFLICT!
297
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,197
>> WELL, TOO BAD FOR YOU.
298
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,702
GOOD GUY NEVER TAKES THE FIRST
299
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:57,304
SHOT. GO AHEAD.
300
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,344
>> I'M A CONSCIENTIOUS
301
00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,138
OBJECTOR, MAN.
302
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,739
>> OH, DON'T START THIS HIPPIE
303
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:01,211
[BLEEP]
304
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,708
>> THAT'S WHAT I AM, MAN!
305
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:03,340
I'M A HIPPIE!
306
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,813
I'M A BIG STINKY HIPPIE,
307
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:05,352
ALL RIGHT?
308
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,245
RELAX. MELLOW.
309
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,016
FIND YOUR INNER MELLOW, WHITMAN!
310
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,315
NO, NO, NO, NO!
311
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,986
AAH! AAH!
312
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,215
>> THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
313
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:17,021
I'M DONE.
314
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,164
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
315
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,359
>> WE DON'T BELONG IN THIS
316
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,190
WORLD, WHITMAN.
317
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:23,004
YOU AND ME...
318
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:26,066
WE SHOUL BE FROZEN, MAN.
319
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,736
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, HOFFSTEIN?
320
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:28,695
YOU'RE RIGHT.
321
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,942
WE BOTH SHOULD BE ON ICE.
322
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:33,268
>> Piper: BOOTH, NO, NO.
323
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,813
>> LISTEN, PIPER, YOU DON'T MEAN
324
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,209
A DAMN TO ME.
325
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,050
YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER SKIRT TO BE
326
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,306
USED AND TOSSED ASIDE.
327
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,723
>> IT'S WHAT'S RIGHT.
328
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:44,315
WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE '68, MAN.
329
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,647
>> WAKE ME WHEN MEN ARE BACK IN
330
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,824
VOGUE AND "NO SMOKING" SIGNS ARE
331
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,662
IRONIC JOKES THAT HANG IN
332
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,388
KITSCHY CHAIN RESTAURANTS.
333
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,092
>> I'LL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER
334
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,064
SIDE, BROTHER.
335
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,978
[ BODY THUDS, SHATTERS ]
336
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:15,915
>> Trent: LOOKS LIKE YOU KNOCKED
337
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,376
HIM OUT...COLD.
338
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,224
>> AW, TRENT, YOU'RE TRYING WAY
339
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,649
TOO HARD.
340
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,194
ALL RIGHT, WE'VE GOT SOME CHEAP
341
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,019
LIQUOR.
342
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,293
LET'S GO LOOK FOR SOME CHEAP
343
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,191
WOMEN.
344
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,232
>> Trent: CHEERS TO THAT.
345
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:29,696
[ GLASSES CLINK ]
346
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:33,197
>> Piper: MRS. PIPER WHITMAN.
347
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,170
I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.
21259
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