Original subtitles

>> WELCOME ABOARD.

MY NAME IS CAROLINE, AND I'LL BE

HELPING YOU TRANSPORT YOUR

PRISONERS TODAY.

WHAT DO WE GOT?

>> Trent: THE WORST OF THE

WORST.

THIS IS EVERYONE WHO'S BEEN

ARRESTED AT COMIC-CON.

WE'RE GONNA SEND THEM AWAY FOR A

LONG, LONG TIME IN A PRISON FAR,

FAR AWAY.

>> Piper: THIS IS A ROUGH GROUP,

LADY -- REAL BUNCH OF STABBERS

AND GRABBERS.

ALL RIGHT, LOAD 'EM UP!

>> Trent: OLIVIA FRAMPTON --

FAKE NERD GIRL.

SHE SEDUCES NERDS WITH HER

CHUNKY FRAMES AND THEN STEALS

THEIR COLLECTIBLES.

>> SOMETIMES I LIKE TO DRESS UP

AS PRINCESS LEIA.

>> Trent: TAVIS COSE.

WEAPON OF CHOICE?

"MAGIC: THE GATHERING."

HE'S LITERALLY CHEATED HIS WAY

THROUGH DOZENS OF TOURNAMENTS.

>> I WON'T BE IN JAIL LONG IF I

PLAY MY CARDS RIGHT.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> Piper: KEEP IT MOVING, BUDDY.

>> Trent: TAKA HARI, A.K.A.

BOB McLAREN -- THE ULTIMATE

OTAKU.

HE STABBED SIX PEOPLE FOR SAYING

THEY DIDN'T GET MANGA.

>> Piper: HE IS LEGITIMATELY A

MURDERER.

>> Trent: THEN THE ULTIMATE

BOTTOM FEEDER IN THIS FISH TANK

OF RAW SEWAGE -- NATE MUNGUS,

A.K.A. MUNGUS THE FUNGUS.

>> Piper: LADY, HE IS ONE OF THE

MOST NOTORIOUS FILM LEAKERS IN

INTERNET HISTORY.

>> I LEAKED THE "JUSTICE LEAGUE"

MOVIE.

YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS?

>> IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN SHOT YET.

>> THAT'S HOW GOOD I AM.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> WELL, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU

BRING ON BOARD, AS LONG AS I GET

HOME IN TIME TO SEE MY SON.

IT'S HIS 3rd BIRTHDAY TODAY.

>> Trent: OKAY, WHATEVER.

>> DIEGO!

>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH

* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH

>> DIEGO!

>> WE HAVE NOW REACHED OUR

CRUISING ALTITUDE ON THIS FLIGHT

FROM SAN DIEGO TO SAN JOSE WITH

A QUICK STOPOVER AT NICK CANNON

SUPERMAX UNDERWATER FACILITY.

>> Piper: NTSF SPRUNG FOR FIRST

CLASS.

NOT TOO SHABBY.

>> Trent: THIS FLIGHT'S A MIDAIR

VOLCANO ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

I SHOULD BE BACK THERE WATCHING

THEM.

>> Piper: THOSE NERDS ARE GONNA

BE FINE BACK THERE.

I, FOR ONE, PLAN ON RELAXING ON

THIS FLIGHT.

>> Trent: 30-MINUTE FLIGHT.

>> Piper: IT IS?

>> Trent: YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

WITH THOSE PILLS.

HEY.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BOUGHT US

SEATS ON A FLIGHT FULL OF

CRIMINALS.

>> I TOLD YOU, WE GOT AN AMAZING

DEAL ON PriceFind.

>> THIS IS JUST LIKE THAT TIME

YOU MADE US SIT THROUGH THAT

FOUR-HOUR TIMESHARE

PRESENTATION.

>> RIGHT. AND WE GOT TWO TICKETS

TO SeaWorld.

>> THE CHEAP SEATS.

>> NO! NO!

>> Trent: I TOLD YOU.

>> NO, NO!

>> Trent: WHO SHIVVED WHO?!

>> THERE'S NO WAY THE

GREEN ARROW CAN DEFEAT THE HULK.

>> THIS STUPID SON OF A BITCH

REFUSES TO ADMIT THAT

GREEN ARROW WOULD MOP THE FLOOR

WITH HULK!

>> Trent: HEY, YOU JUST PUT

TOGETHER WORDS IN AN ORDER I

DON'T UNDERSTAND, SO YOU TELL ME

WHAT'S GOING ON IN ENGLISH NOW!

>> YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE

TALKING ABOUT, MAN!

GREEN ARROW WOULDN'T STAND A

CHANCE!

>> GREEN ARROW IS MORE POWERFUL

THAN MOST OF THE HEROES IN THE

DC UNIVERSE, WHO...

>> [ VOMITING ]

>> HE'S GOT A BOW AND ARROW AND

A GOATEE.

WHAT'S HE GONNA DO?

HE'S GONNA SHOOT THE HULK, AND

THE HULK IS GONNA DIE.

>> MAYBE -- MAYBE -- HE COULD

TAKE ON THE RED HULK.

>> HOW DARE YOU BRING UP

RED HULK!

>> Trent: WHAT THE HELL?

>> YOU JUST FELL FOR OUR

DIVERSION, NOOB.

>> THE CAPTAIN HAS TURNED OFF

THE "NO KILLING" SIGN.

[ LOCKS DISENGAGING ]

>> Trent: PIPER! PIPER!

NO!

PIPER! WAKE UP.

WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?

>> Piper: "CHASING MAVERICKS."

>> Trent: LOOK, THEY SKYJACKED

THE PLANE.

>> Piper: GERARD BUTLER.

>> Trent: I'M NOT GERARD BUTLER.

>> Piper: YES, YOU ARE.

>> DAMN THESE CUFFS.

HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME?

PLEASE, HELP?

>> AAH!

OKAY, LISTEN!

YOU'RE GONNA DO EXACTLY AS I

SAY, OR I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHO'S

PLAYING HAN SOLO'S SON IN THE

NEW "STAR WARS"!

>> NO!

>> CHANGE COURSE FOR COSTA RICA,

THE INTERNATIONAL HOME FOR

CRIMINALS.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS

YOUR NEW CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

>> OH, GREAT.

THEY'VE TAKEN OVER THE PLANE.

ARE YOU HAPPY?

>> WELCOME TO COMIC-CON AIR.

>> Alphonse: WHAT DO YOU MEAN

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN "THE WIRE"?

>> Kove: OH! I CANNOT HEAR THAT

FROM ANOTHER PERSON.

I GET IT -- IT'S GOOD.

[ BEEPING ]

THAT'S THE DISTRESS ALARM ON

TRENT AND PIPER'S PRISON

TRANSPORT.

>> Alphonse: I'LL SEE IF I CAN

INTERFACE WITH SAN DIEGO.

>> Kove: THERE'S NO TIME.

IF THESE NERDS GET LOOSE, IT

COULD BE A CATASTROPHE.

WE NEED TO BLOW UP THAT PLANE!

>> Alphonse: THAT'S TRENT AND

PIPER UP THERE!

>> Kove: I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER

THE SOUND OF ME HITTING THE

"BLOW PLANE UP" BUTTON!

>> Alphonse: NO! DAMN IT!

WHY DO WE HAVE THIS THING

INSTALLED SO PROMINENTLY?

YEAH.

>> Kove: YOU, STOP!

>> Alphonse: WHAT?

OH.

>> [ GASPS ] TRENT!

TRENT, I'M SO SCARED.

>> Trent: I NEED YOU TO BE

BRAVE.

STAY HERE.

THIS FLIGHT'S ABOUT TO GET VERY

TURBULENT.

>> WAIT, TRENT!

BE CAREFUL.

I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT

YOU.

>> Trent: IT'S LIKE THE EIGHTH

TIME I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SPEAK.

>> YEAH.

>> Trent: OKAY.

GET READY FOR YOUR COMPLIMENTARY

BEATDOWN!

HYAAH!

SEAT BACK FORWARD!

TRAY TABLE UP.

SEAT BELT SECURELY FASTENED.

>> OH!

>> AAH-HAAA!

>> [ SHOUTING IN JAPANESE ]

>> Trent: GO PACKING!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT!

HA HA! YOU MISSED.

[ BONES CRACK ]

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

WHOOPS.

[ WIND HOWLING ]

>> ALL THIS TO SAVE $40!

>> IT WASN'T JUST $40!

IT WAS $80!

THAT'S TWO TICKETS!

THAT'S NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT!

THERE GOES MY AIRLINE PILLOW!

I PAID 10 BUCKS FOR THAT THING!

I'M GONNA GO GET IT!

>> NO, BABY, DON'T GO OUT THERE!

>> I'M GOING FOR IT!

[ AIR HISSING ]

[ AIR HOWLING ]

>> Trent: WHEW!

KNEW THAT SUCKED.

>> Kove: WE CANNOT LET THESE

PRISONERS LOOSE. BLOW IT UP!

WE'LL MOURN FOR TRENT LATER.

>> Daisy: WHAT IS HAPPENING?

>> Alphonse: TRENT AND PIPER'S

PRISON TRANSPORT PLANE HAS BEEN

TAKEN OVER BY CRIMINALS.

>> Daisy: OH, MY GOD.

DOES THAT MEAN WE GET TO BLOW

IT UP?

'CAUSE I WANT TO PRESS THE

BUTTON!

>> Alphonse: DO NOT PRESS THAT

BUTTON!

>> TRENT HAUSER IS TAKING BACK

THE PLANE.

>> USE YOUR SKILLS OF SEDUCTION.

TAKE CARE OF HIM.

>> WHAT SKILLS OF SEDUCTION?

I'M JUST A NERD.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

THAT'S MY GIRL.

>> OH! [ GIGGLES ]

I'M SUCH A KLUTZ.

>> Trent: WHERE THE HELL IS

MUNGUS?

>> I DON'T KNOW. HE DISAPPEARED.

IT'S LIKE HE CLIMBED INTO A

TARDIS LIKE SOME KIND OF

TIME LORD.

>> Trent: STOP IT RIGHT THERE.

THE ONLY POP-CULTURE REFERENCE I

KNOW IS LASSIE, AND I'M NOT SURE

IF IT'S A DOG OR A HORSE, SO

YOUR PRETEND-NERD-GIRL ACT WON'T

WORK ON ME.

>> BUT I WEAR GLASSES.

>> Trent: WELL, I SEE RIGHT

THROUGH THOSE NONPRESCRIPTION

LENSES.

I ACTUALLY SEE A VERY BEAUTIFUL

WOMAN THAT MANY MEN WOULD FIND

VERY ATTAINABLE.

>> YOU KNOW I'M A NERD.

>> Trent: OH, YOU ARE A NERD,

AREN'T YOU.

>> I'LL PROVE IT.

ASK ME WHO MY FAVORITE

SUPERHERO IS.

>> Trent: FINE. WHO IS YOUR

FAVORITE SUPERHERO?

>> IT'S THAT GUY FROM

FANTASTIC FOUR.

HIS NAME IS MR. STRETCH.

>> THAT'S NOT HIS NAME!

IT'S MR. FANTASTIC,

REAL NAME -- REED RICHARDS!

HE GOT HIS POWER WHEN THE TEAM

WAS BATHED IN COSMIC RAYS ON A

SCIENTIFIC MISSION!

GOD, I HATE FAKE NERDS.

>> BLOW IT UP! BLOW IT UP!

BLOW IT UP! BLOW IT UP!

>> Alphonse: GUYS! GUYS!

WE'RE GONNA KILL PIPER AND

TRENT.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

>> Sam: WHAT'S THE POINT OF

HAVING THE BUTTON INSTALLED,

ALPHONSE, IF WE'RE NOT GONNA

USE IT?

>> Daisy: IT REALLY IS A

ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY.

>> Kove: DAMN IT, ALPHONSE, I

WILL NOT LET YOU RUIN ANOTHER

ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY

FOR ME.

I AM YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER,

AND I COMMAND YOU TO STAND DOWN!

>> Alphonse: I CANNOT OBEY THAT

ORDER!

MA'AM.

>> Kove: OH.

OH, UH...OKAY.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

IN THIS SITUATION.

NORMALLY, PEOPLE JUST DO WHAT

I SAY.

>> Sam: I DON'T KNOW.

UH, I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.

I'LL CHECK THE AGENT'S MANUAL.

>> OH. IT'S JAMMED.

I DON'T THINK I COULD JIMMY IT.

>> WELL, DADGUMMIT.

THANKS FOR TRYING.

>> HEY, MY PLEASURE.

>> WHY ARE YOU HELPING HIM?

>> Trent: PIPER! WAKE UP!

>> Piper: I'M UP. LET'S GO.

>> OH, HELLO.

>> Trent: GIVE IT UP, MUNGUS.

>> ONE MOVE AND I TAKE THIS OFF

AIRPLANE MODE.

>> Trent: GET HIM, PIPER!

>> AAH! OH, NO!

>> Trent: I KNEW IT.

NERDS CAN'T FUNCTION AROUND

WOMEN.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE, UH...

WHAT'S THE NAME FOR IT?

SOME SORT OF ELEMENT OR A

SUBSTANCE THAT'S YOUR ONLY

WEAKNESS. IT'S, UH...

>> KRYPTONITE!

>> Trent: NO, IT'S NOT

KRYPTONITE.

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING,

THOUGH -- YOU WILL BE IN A CRYPT

TONIGHT.

>> IF I'M NOT GETTING OFF THIS

PLANE, AGENT HAUSER, THEN NO

ONE IS!

>> NONSTOP SERVICE FROM MY FOOT

TO YOUR FACE.

>> Trent: THAT'S GOOD.

>> Piper: ARE YOU FROM

"CHASING MAVERICKS"?

>> YEAH.

>> Trent: OH.

>> SPOILER ALERT --

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE.

>> Trent: NO.

[ AIR HOWLING, ALARM BEEPING ]

>> UNH! TURBULENCE AND GIRLS!

>> Alphonse: YEAH, LOOK UNDER

"I" FOR "INSUBORDINATION."

>> Trent: IT'S TRENT HAUSER, AND

I'VE GOT SOME AIN'T IT COOL

NEWS.

WE'VE REGAINED CONTROL OF THE

FLIGHT.

REPEAT -- WE'VE REGAINED CONTROL

OF THE FLIGHT.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Kove: ALPHONSE.

OH, ALPHONSE.

ALPHONSE.

>> Alphonse: DAMN IT, KOVE!

DAMN IT!

>> $80?

YOU JUST HAD TO SAVE $80?

>> HONEY, RIDE WITH ME IN THE

AMBULANCE.

IT'S A QUICK WALK TO THE HOTEL.

>> Trent: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO

SAY, WHEN THIS WHOLE THING

STARTED, I THOUGHT YOU WERE

COMING ON PRETTY STRONG.

BUT AFTER SURVIVING THAT, I FEEL

LIKE THERE COULD BE A FUTURE

BETWEEN YOU, I, AND YOUR BOY.

>> I WAS JUST FLIRTING WITH YOU

BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULD

PROTECT ME.

I'M ACTUALLY MARRIED, AND I

DON'T HAVE A SON.

I HATE KIDS. MM.

>> Trent: HMM.

WELL, AT LEAST EVERYONE GOT OUT

SAFE, EXCEPT FOR THE PEOPLE WE

KILLED OR SEVERELY INJURED.

>> Piper: YEAH.

I HAD A NICE FLIGHT.

>> LAST ONE ON THE PLANE.

LAST ONE IN LINE.

LAST TO DO EVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA BE THE

FIRST TO DO?

BE A BETTER MAN.

[ LOCK CLICKS ]

I DID IT.

[ EXPLOSION ]

>> AAH!