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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,315 >> Alphonse: * THE FIRST KILL'S 2 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,647 BY CANDY CANE * 3 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:18,921 >> [ SCREAMS ] 4 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:19,619 >> HO, HO, HO. 5 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,920 >> Kove: [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 6 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:21,821 >> Piper: GET THE -- 7 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:22,892 >> Alphonse: IT'S TRUE! 8 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:23,920 >> Piper: YOU CAN SING. 9 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,064 >> Kove: WE NEED TO STICK 10 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:25,559 TOGETHER. 11 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,389 [ DRILL WHIRRING ] 12 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:27,064 >> [ GRUNTS ] 13 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:27,801 >> Piper: WHOA! 14 00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:28,495 >> HO, HO, HO. 15 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,496 >> Piper: [ WHIMPERS ] 16 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:30,527 >> Alphonse: SANTA! 17 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:42,113 >> Sam: S.A.M.'S ONBOARD CAMERA 18 00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,480 IS OPERATIONAL. 19 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,647 >> Kove: WONDERFUL. 20 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,345 I WANT TO DOCUMENT EVERY SECOND 21 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,147 OF THIS GLORIOUS NTSF CHRISTMAS! 22 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,779 >> Jessie: AND I'M GONNA TAPE 23 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,493 EVERYTHING FOR MY HOLIDAY VLOG, 24 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:51,985 TOO! 25 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,245 >> Kove: OH, GREAT! 26 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,124 BETWEEN JESSIE, S.A.M., AND MY 27 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:57,093 HIDDEN HOME-SECURITY CAMS, I CAN 28 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,931 FULLY COVER MY NTSF CHRISTMAS 29 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:00,656 VIDEO FROM EVERY CONCEIVABLE 30 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:01,131 ANGLE. 31 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,599 >> Sam: WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY 32 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:03,826 HIDDEN CAMERAS EVERYWHERE? 33 00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,001 >> Kove: I LIKE TO MAKE 34 00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,498 LOVEMAKING VIDEOTAPES, AND I CAN 35 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,700 NEVER BE QUITE SURE WHEN OR 36 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:08,871 WHERE ONE MIGHT BREAK OUT. 37 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,199 >> Jessie: WITH ALL THIS EXTRA 38 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,544 FOOTAGE, YOU COULD CUT TOGETHER 39 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:12,869 A FULL-LENGTH FEATURE FILM, IF 40 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:13,613 YOU WANTED TO. 41 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,007 >> Kove: AN ENTIRE MOVIE MADE OF 42 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:15,938 FOUND FOOTAGE? 43 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:17,513 SOUNDS LIKE A GIMMICK TO ME. 44 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,011 WELL, NOW THAT THAT'S BEEN 45 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,782 ESTABLISHED, LET'S DECORATE THE 46 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:21,221 TREE. 47 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,715 JESSIE, I'M PUTTING YOU IN 48 00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:23,976 CHARGE OF THE TINSEL. 49 00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,394 THAT SEEMS LIKE IT'S UP YOUR 50 00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:25,846 ALLEY. 51 00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:27,393 AND, PIPER, YOU'RE A WOMAN, SO 52 00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:28,518 YOU GET THE ORNAMENTS. 53 00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,622 >> Piper: NO, DOLLS. 54 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:30,163 NO, NO. 55 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,488 DOLLS REALLY FREAK ME OUT. 56 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:32,192 I CAN'T. NO. 57 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,633 >> Jessie: WHAT, THIS LITTLE 58 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,357 DOLL, PIPER? 59 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,962 THIS LITTLE DOLL CAN'T HURT YOU. 60 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:36,533 OR CAN IT? 61 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,900 >> Piper: GET THE [BLEEP] AWAY 62 00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:38,398 FROM ME! 63 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,729 >> Kove: NOW, I KNOW IT'S NOT 64 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,203 QUITE CHRISTMAS YET, BUT I CAN'T 65 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:41,872 HELP MYSELF. 66 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,199 LET'S OPEN UP PRESENTS EARLY. 67 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,374 >> Alphonse: WHOA, WAIT! 68 00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,512 IT'S BAD LUCK TO OPEN UP 69 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,966 PRESENTS EARLY ON CHRISTMAS EVE. 70 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,084 >> Kove: THAT'S ABSOLUTE 71 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:48,635 NONSENSE. 72 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:49,842 WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT? 73 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,153 >> Alphonse: BACK IN ALASKA, 74 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,345 WHERE SANTA HUNTS DOWN AND 75 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:53,706 PUNISHES THOSE THAT DON'T OBEY 76 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:54,324 HIS RULES. 77 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,715 >> Sam: GIVE YOUR ALASKAN VOODOO 78 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:56,546 MYSTICISM A REST. 79 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,920 >> Alphonse: DID YOU KNOW THAT 80 00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,248 SANTA'S SUIT STARTS OFF WHITE? 81 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,653 BUT IT'S STAINED WITH THE BLOOD 82 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:01,524 OF HIS VICTIMS. 83 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,092 HIS SLEIGH IS PUT TOGETHER WITH 84 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,560 THE BONES OF THOSE THAT HAVE 85 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:05,258 DEFIED HIM. 86 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,759 HIS REINDEER ARE NORMAL DEER, 87 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,730 BUT THEY BREATHE FIRE AND SPIT 88 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:09,159 ACID! 89 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,563 >> Jessie: WHAT'S IN HIS BAG OF 90 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:11,004 TOYS? 91 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,428 >> Alphonse: JUST TOYS, BUT WITH 92 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,773 PIECES SMALL ENOUGH TO CHOKE 93 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:14,097 YOU. 94 00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,601 >> Sam: YOU GUYS ARE RIDICULOUS. 95 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,773 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS 96 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,010 SANTA CLAUS, GOOD OR EVIL. 97 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:19,435 YOU'RE STARTING TO MAKE ME VERY 98 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,010 PROUD TO BE JEWISH. 99 00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,278 [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] 100 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,706 >> Alphonse: THAT'S HIM! 101 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:25,051 >> Trent: HO, HO, HEY, 102 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:25,745 EVERYBODY. 103 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,176 LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S HAVING A... 104 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,052 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 105 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,220 >> Kove: NOT A PUN, BUT THE 106 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,289 SENTIMENT IS APPRECIATED 107 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:32,916 NONETHELESS. 108 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,260 PRESENTS GO OVER THERE, AND YOU 109 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,385 KNOW MY CHRISTMAS RULES -- 110 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,689 PHONES AND GUNS IN THE HOLIDAY 111 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:37,060 SACK. 112 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,287 >> Jessie: PIPER, WHERE'S YOUR 113 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,062 FIANCé, TUCKER? 114 00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,429 >> Piper: OH, HE HATES CHRISTMAS 115 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,758 PARTIES, AND HE'D RATHER STAY AT 116 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,032 HOME AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES BY 117 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:43,460 HIMSELF. 118 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,874 >> COME ON. COME ON. 119 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,595 COME ON! COME ON! COME ON! 120 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,601 [ GRUNTS ] 121 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,742 >> Kove: WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, 122 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,808 ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR YOU, ONE 123 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:53,636 FOR YOU. 124 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,211 >> Trent: GREAT BOW. 125 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,379 >> Kove: AND, SAM, IN 126 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,707 SENSITIVITY TO YOUR JEWISH 127 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,151 FAITH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET 128 00:02:59,146 --> 00:02:59,576 ONE. 129 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,050 YOU CAN JUST STAND THERE AND 130 00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:02,548 WATCH EVERYBODY ELSE HAVING A 131 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,220 GOOD TIME. 132 00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,787 LET'S OPEN 'EM UP, CHRISTIANS! 133 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,115 >> Jessie: A FLIP CAMERA! 134 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,789 NOW I'VE GOT DOUBLE THE COVERAGE 135 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:08,558 FOR MY VLOG! 136 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,116 >> Kove: ALPHONSE, PLUG IN THE 137 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:11,663 CHRISTMAS ANGEL, AND, EVERYBODY 138 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:12,759 ELSE, VIDEOTAPE IT. 139 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,730 [ CHUCKLES ] 140 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:17,770 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 141 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,395 >> Alphonse: SANTA! 142 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,830 >> Sam: YOU BLEW A FUSE FROM ALL 143 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,244 THESE GAUDY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. 144 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,496 >> Kove: JESSIE, YOU'RE THE 145 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:24,104 LEAST FUN. 146 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:25,474 GO OUT BACK AND CHECK THE FUSE 147 00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:25,843 BOX. 148 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:26,669 >> Jessie: OKAY. 149 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,814 I'LL LEAVE MY CAMERAS HERE AND 150 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:29,409 MY TINSEL. 151 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,780 >> Sam: SO, SAM, IF YOU DON'T 152 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,008 BELIEVE THAT CHRISTMAS WAS 153 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,312 JESUS' BIRTHDAY, WHEN DO YOU 154 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,254 THINK HE WAS BORN? 155 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:35,018 >> Sam: WELL... 156 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,275 >> Jessie: IS IT ON, GUYS? 157 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:36,924 >> All: NO. 158 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:37,747 >> Sam: UNH-UNH. 159 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:38,951 >> Jessie: HOW ABOUT NOW? 160 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:39,592 >> All: NO! 161 00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:40,447 >> Sam: STILL NO. 162 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,594 >> Jessie: HOW ABOUT -- 163 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,589 AAAAAAAAAAAAH! 164 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,961 >> Trent: COME ON, JESSIE! 165 00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,488 STOP SCREAMING, AND JUST FLIP 166 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,534 FUSES! 167 00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,829 >> Piper: TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH. 168 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,600 WHERE'D YOU GO, THE ELECTRICITY 169 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,699 STORE? 170 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,042 [ ALL GASP ] 171 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,837 >> Sam: JESSIE? 172 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,307 >> Trent: CANDY CANE... 173 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,524 AND BLOOD... 174 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,816 CANDY CANE AGAIN. 175 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,218 LOOKS LIKE TONIGHT... 176 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:14,890 HAS BECOME... 177 00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,718 SILENT NIGHT... 178 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,194 AND A DEADLY NIGHT. 179 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:20,292 NO OTHER REASON FOR IT, RIGHT? 180 00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:21,364 >> Alphonse: IT'S HAPPENING, 181 00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,402 JUST AS THE SONG FORETELLS. 182 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,226 >> Piper: WHAT SONG? 183 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,470 >> Alphonse: AN OLD ESKIMO SONG, 184 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,525 "THE 12 KILLS OF CHRISTMAS." 185 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:27,904 [ High-pitched ] * THE FIRST 186 00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,741 KILL'S BY CANDY CANE * 187 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:32,207 * THE SECOND KILL'S BEHEADING 188 00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,535 >> Kove: WHY ARE YOU USING THAT 189 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:33,911 VOICE? 190 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:34,837 >> Alphonse: BECAUSE 191 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,142 "THE 12 KILLS OF CHRISTMAS" IS 192 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,243 SUNG BY A CHOIR OF WEEPING 193 00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:37,754 ORPHANS. 194 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,075 >> Trent: SO, HE KILLS EVERY DAY 195 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:39,709 FOR 12 DAYS? 196 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,913 >> Alphonse: NO, SANTA KILLS 197 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,084 12 PEOPLE EACH TIME SOMEONE 198 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,082 OPENS A PRESENT EARLY. 199 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,353 >> Piper: WELL, THAT'S GREAT. 200 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,692 I MEAN, THERE'S ONLY SIX OF US. 201 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,016 >> Alphonse: NO, HE CAN KILL SIX 202 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:47,420 OF US. 203 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,761 HE JUST CAN'T KILL MORE THAN 12. 204 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,056 >> Sam: WHAT IF THERE ARE MORE 205 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:50,587 THAN 12? 206 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:51,531 >> I'M CONFUSED. 207 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:52,925 THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 208 00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,226 >> Alphonse: WELL, THEN, HE 209 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:54,727 STOPS. 210 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,058 BASICALLY, THE CUTOFF IS 12 211 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:56,603 PEOPLE. 212 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:57,597 HE CAN'T KILL MORE. 213 00:04:57,598 --> 00:04:58,828 >> Sam: CHRISTMAS IS SO 214 00:04:58,832 --> 00:04:59,402 COMPLICATED. 215 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,070 >> Trent: KOVE? 216 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:00,597 >> Kove: MM? 217 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,701 >> Trent: I THINK RIGHT NOW 218 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:02,902 WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO GET OUR 219 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:03,743 CELLPHONES AND GUNS. 220 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,607 >> Kove: GOOD THINKING, TRENT. 221 00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,906 OH, MY GOD! 222 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,837 THIS SACK IS FILLED WITH COAL! 223 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,753 >> Alphonse: * SACKS WITH GUNS 224 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,345 AND CELLPHONES WILL BE TURNED 225 00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:14,918 INTO COAL * 226 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,045 >> Piper: ENOUGH, ALPHONSE! 227 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,019 >> Alphonse: IT'S TRUE! 228 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,017 >> Piper: YOU CAN SING. 229 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,048 >> Kove: WE NEED TO STICK 230 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:19,552 TOGETHER. 231 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,753 JESSIE WAS VULNERABLE BECAUSE 232 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:21,624 SHE LEFT THE GROUP. 233 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:22,922 WE HAVE TO WATCH EACH OTHER'S 234 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:23,293 BACKS! 235 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,120 >> Trent: AGREED. 236 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:24,894 LET'S SPLIT UP. 237 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,092 ALPHONSE, YOU STAY HERE WITH 238 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,463 YOUR EYES CLOSED, SEE IF YOU CAN 239 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,201 HEAR ANYTHING. 240 00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,395 >> Alphonse: I'M NOT WAITING 241 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:30,057 HERE TO DIE! 242 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:30,903 I'M GOING TO HIDE! 243 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:31,728 >> Piper: WHERE?! 244 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:32,932 >> Alphonse: * SANTA DOESN'T 245 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:33,773 LOOKS IN CLOSETS * 246 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,097 >> Piper: WHY DON'T WE JUST GET 247 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,142 THE HELL OUT OF HERE?! 248 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,296 >> Kove: HAVE YOU GONE MAD? 249 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,714 SANTA BUTCHERED THE FIRST PERSON 250 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,706 TO STEP OUT THAT DOOR. 251 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,037 OUR ONLY CHANCE IS TO FIGHT HIM 252 00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,141 RIGHT HERE ON OUR HOME TURF. 253 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:42,642 [ CLATTER ] 254 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:43,313 >> HO, HO, HO! 255 00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,280 >> Kove: QUICKLY, TO THE 256 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,947 BASEMENT! 257 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:49,978 OH! 258 00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:54,053 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 259 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,464 >> Piper: WHAT IS IT? 260 00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,956 >> Kove: NO. 261 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,557 IT'S MY PRIZED BOTTLE OF 1978 262 00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,259 MONTRACHET. 263 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,959 WHOEVER DID THIS IS GOING TO PAY 264 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:01,761 DEARLY. 265 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,062 >> Trent: [ SCREAMS ] 266 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,603 >> Piper: IT'S COMING FROM 267 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:07,098 UPSTAIRS! 268 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,300 >> * THE LAST KILL OF 269 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,241 CHRISTMAS... * 270 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,736 >> Piper: OKAY, WILL SOMEONE 271 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,108 JUST TURN THAT THING OFF? 272 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,735 >> THAT WAS THE HARLEM WEEPING 273 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,181 ORPHAN CHOIR WITH THAT OLD 274 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,735 CHESTNUT, "THE 12 KILLS OF" -- 275 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,354 [ RADIO CLICKS OFF ] 276 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,275 >> Kove: NOW, LISTEN, YOU TWO. 277 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,650 THIS IS A TRULY TERRIFYING 278 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,149 SITUATION THAT MOST PROBABLY 279 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,750 WILL END IN DEATH FOR MOST, IF 280 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:25,592 NOT ALL, OF US. 281 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,786 BUT WE MUST NOT PANIC. 282 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,287 WE NEED TO STICK TOGETHER NO 283 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,858 MATTER WHAT, AND MOST IMPORTANT 284 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,087 OF ALL, DON'T GIVE UP! 285 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,661 THIS IS CHRISTMAS, AND I'LL BE 286 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:33,930 DAMNED IF I'LL LET SOME 287 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,597 YULETIDE-HATING, MURDEROUS SANTA 288 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,026 STEAL HOPE FROM OUR HEARTS! 289 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,530 OH, YES, WE WILL WEATHER THIS 290 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,132 STORM AND LIVE TO SEE LIGHT OF 291 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,443 ANOTHER DAY, I SWEAR IT. 292 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,435 GOD WILL BLESS US ALL. 293 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,707 EVERYONE EXCEPT SAM. 294 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,477 >> Piper: I THINK I FOUND TRENT, 295 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:51,876 YOU GUYS. 296 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:52,809 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 297 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,053 >> Kove: I CAN'T TAKE IT 298 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:54,617 ANYMORE. 299 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:55,945 >> Sam: KOVE, WHAT ARE YOU 300 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:56,379 DOING? 301 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:57,993 >> Kove: ENJOY GETTING MURDERED, 302 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:58,485 LOSERS. 303 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:02,386 [ GRUNTS ] 304 00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:04,389 >> Sam: HOW'D SHE TIE THAT NOOSE 305 00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:05,131 SO FAST? 306 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,925 >> Piper: [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 307 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,570 >> Sam: THIS CRAP WOULD NEVER 308 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,467 HAPPEN DURING HANUKKAH. 309 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:15,338 >> Piper: DAMN IT, SAM! 310 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,495 WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST BELIEVE IN 311 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,004 CHRISTMAS?! 312 00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:17,874 >> Sam: I DO BELIEVE IN 313 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:18,371 CHRISTMAS! 314 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,511 I JUST DON'T BELIEVE THAT JESUS 315 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,637 WAS SOME MAGICAL CREATURE THAT 316 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,681 COULD TURN FISH INTO BEER, OR 317 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:22,475 WHATEVER YOU GUYS -- 318 00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,536 >> Piper: HE TURNED FISH INTO 319 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,384 WINE AND BEARS INTO BEER! 320 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,548 >> HO, HO, HO. 321 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:28,578 >> Sam: OH, MY GOD. 322 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,152 LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! 323 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,150 >> Piper: COME ON! 324 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,191 >> Sam: I'M TRYING! 325 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,015 IT WON'T OPEN! 326 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:36,020 >> Piper: UPSTAIRS! 327 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,323 >> HO, HO, HO. 328 00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,534 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] 329 00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,686 YOU OPENED GIFTS. 330 00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,664 >> Sam: NO, YOU -- I DIDN'T EVEN 331 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,833 GET A GIFT, SIR. 332 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,171 >> Piper: BACK DOOR! 333 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,865 >> AND HE'S STANDING OUT THERE. 334 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,337 HE'S GOING, "AIYEE! AIYEE!" 335 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,695 [ LAUGHS ] 336 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,914 [ OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS ] 337 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:55,005 >> Piper: [ WHIMPERS ] 338 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:55,738 OH, NO. 339 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,383 >> Trent: HEY, SANTA! 340 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,847 NEXT TIME YOU GIVE SOMEBODY 341 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,506 HEAD, YOU BETTER FINISH THE JOB. 342 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,414 >> Both: TRENT? 343 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:02,724 >> Trent: THAT'S RIGHT. 344 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:04,346 MY HEAD FELL OFF, AND I TIED IT 345 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,451 BACK ON WITH TINSEL. 346 00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:06,292 >> [ GRUNTS ] 347 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,716 >> Piper: WHOA! 348 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,061 >> Sam: OH, BAD MISTAKE! 349 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:09,516 WHOA! 350 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:10,423 >> Piper: WHOA! 351 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,563 ALL RIGHT, SAM. TO THE GARAGE! 352 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,590 >> Sam: OKAY! 353 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,434 >> Piper: SAM, WHAT ARE YOU 354 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:15,898 DOING?! 355 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,296 >> Sam: PICKING UP THE CAMERA TO 356 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:19,427 FILM. 357 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,772 WAIT. WHY DON'T WE JUST GO OUT 358 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,068 INTO THE WOODS OR SOMETHING? 359 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,369 >> Piper: STOP ASKING SO MANY 360 00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,610 LOGIC-BASED QUESTIONS, SAM! 361 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:25,465 [ DOOR OPENS ] 362 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:26,612 >> Sam: OH, MY GOD! 363 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,307 WAIT. WHY DOES SANTA HAVE A FLIP 364 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:28,908 CAM? 365 00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,309 >> A GIFT WAS OPENED BEFORE ITS 366 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:31,981 TIME. 367 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:36,119 NOW YOUR BLOOD WILL BE MINE. 368 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,946 >> Sam: PIPER, WHAT'S HAPPENING? 369 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,752 PIPER? 370 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,394 OH, MY GOD. 371 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:41,988 OH, MY GOD! 372 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,059 WHAT HAPPENED TO HER? 373 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,456 THE IRONIC THING IS THAT SHE WAS 374 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,887 REALLY AFRAID OF DOLLS, AND NOW 375 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:46,493 SHE IS ONE. 376 00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:47,963 OKAY, THERE'S GOT TO BE A WAY TO 377 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:48,961 REVERSE THIS PROCESS. 378 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:49,932 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 379 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,160 PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH HER. 380 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,604 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 381 00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,401 OH, MY GOD! 382 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,839 OH, MY GOD. 383 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,511 >> HO, HO, HO. 384 00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:03,439 >> Sam: REALLY? 385 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,953 HOW DID YOU GET HERE SO FAST? 386 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,445 THERE'S NO WAY -- OH, MY GOD. 387 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:07,776 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? 388 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:10,181 >> DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL. 389 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,793 [ DRILL WHIRRING ] 390 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,085 I MADE IT OUT OF BRAINS. 391 00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,357 >> Sam: IS THAT ANTI-SEMITIC? 392 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,755 IT SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE, BUT 393 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:17,657 I'M NOT QUITE SURE. 394 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:18,928 >> DO YOU BELIEVE IN ME YET, 395 00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:19,286 SAM? 396 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,432 >> Sam: I BELIEVE, OKAY?! 397 00:09:20,427 --> 00:09:22,257 I BELIEVE! 398 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,502 >> GOOD. 399 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,126 [ CHUCKLES ] 400 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,432 [ Chuckling ] OH, GOD! 401 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,703 [ Mockingly ] OH, MY GOD! 402 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,971 I -- DI-DI-DI-DI-DI-DI. 403 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,439 >> Sam: MR. PRESIDENT OF THE 404 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:30,867 NAVY? 405 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,271 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? 406 00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,372 YOU KILLED EVERYONE! 407 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,843 >> Kove: NO, HE DIDN'T, SAM. 408 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,442 >> Alphonse: THAT WAS A TRICK. 409 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,113 >> Jessie: WE JUST WANTED YOU TO 410 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:39,611 SELL OUT YOUR OWN BELIEFS AND 411 00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:40,453 BUY INTO OURS. 412 00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:41,647 >> Trent: AND YOU DID. 413 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,679 YOU DID REAL GOOD. 414 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,653 WELCOME TO CLUB CHRISTIAN. 415 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,852 >> Kove: YOU'VE EARNED THIS, 416 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:46,193 SAM. 417 00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:47,116 >> Sam: [ STAMMERS ] 418 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,360 M-MY FIRST CHRISTMAS PRESENT. 419 00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:51,055 >> Kove: YES. 420 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,728 >> Sam: IT'S JUST ANOTHER FLIP 421 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:53,186 CAM. 422 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,863 PIPER, HOW DID YOU TURN INTO A 423 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,802 DOLL? 424 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,797 >> Piper: YOGA. 425 00:09:58,799 --> 00:09:59,969 LOTS OF YOGA. 426 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:05,207 [ LAUGHTER ] 427 00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:06,905 >> I HOPE THIS HAS BEEN A GOOD 428 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,177 LESSON FOR YOU. 429 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:10,475 I HOPE YOU FINALLY REALIZE THAT 430 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,847 CHRISTMAS IS THE BEST HOLIDAY 431 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,246 AND EVERY OTHER HOLIDAY IS THE 432 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:16,318 WORST. 433 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,216 SO... 434 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,047 >> All: FROM OUR FAMILY TO 435 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,762 YOURS, MERRY CHRISTMAS. 436 00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:22,755 [ "WE WISH YOU A MERRY 437 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,556 CHRISTMAS" PLAYS ] 438 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,388 >> AGE, SEX, LOCATION. 439 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,932 WHERE IS EVERYBODY FROM? 440 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:01,728 [ GROANS ] 26985

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