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>> Alphonse: [ LAUGHS ]
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SHE WANT TACOS? BUY TACOS.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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SO HOW LONG YOU IN TOWN?
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>> WELL, I'M ACTUALLY WORKING ON
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A CASE.
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>> Alphonse: OH, YEAH?
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>> OH, MY GOD.
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LOOK AT THAT GUY PRETENDING TO
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TALK TO HIS DOG.
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LONELY MUCH?
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>> Alphonse: I'M NOT PRETENDING.
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I'M FROM ALASKA, AND UP IN
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ALASKA, WE ALL HAVE PSYCHIC
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LINKS WITH OUR DOGS.
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>> WHICH EXPLAINS WHY YOU CAN
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HEAR THEM.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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>> Alphonse: [ LAUGHS ]
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GOOD ONE, BUSTER.
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SO, ABOUT THIS CASE YOU'RE
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WORKING ON, ANY DETAILS?
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>> WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
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PRIDERICIDE CHEMICALS?
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>> Alphonse: PRIDERICIDE?
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I KNOW THEY'RE THE FIRST
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ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY
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CHEMICAL PLANT IN ALASKA, AND
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FROM WHAT I READ ON DRUDGE,
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THEY'RE DOING GOOD WORK.
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>> I THINK THEY'RE UP TO NO
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GOOD.
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I'M GONNA SNIFF AROUND THEIR
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CORPORATE H.Q., SEE WHAT I CAN
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DIG UP.
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>> Alphonse: MAN, I WISH WE WERE
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STILL PARTNERS.
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>> YOU COULD ALWAYS COME BACK TO
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NSTF:AK:CANOE::.
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>> Alphonse: AFTER WHAT I DID TO
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MY FATHER?
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NO WAY.
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>> THAT WAS YEARS AGO, MAN.
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>> Alphonse: MAYBE.
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LOOK, I GOT TO GO MELT AN IGLOO,
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SO ORDER US ANOTHER ROUND.
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[ SILENCED GUNSHOT ]
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>> [ BARKS ]
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[ CROWD GASPS ]
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>> Alphonse: NO!
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>> DIEGO!
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>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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>> DIEGO!
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>> Kove: THE NEW ZEALAND MAFIA
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IS RUNNING CIRCLES AROUND US.
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WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
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>> Piper: MAYBE WE COULD JUST
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SKIP THIS CASE?
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>> Trent: THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
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>> Jessie: SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
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>> Piper: LET'S JUST NOT DO IT.
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>> Trent: MAYBE WE CAN JUST TAKE
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A PASS.
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>> Kove: AH, YOU'RE LATE.
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>> Alphonse: I NEED TO GO ON
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LEAVE.
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>> Kove: WHAT? WHY?
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>> Alphonse: MY PARTNER WAS
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MURDERED LAST NIGHT.
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>> Piper: OH, MY GOD.
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I WAS KILLED?
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>> Alphonse: NO, MY OLD PARTNER
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IN ALASKA.
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I HAVE A FEELING SOMETHING HE
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WAS INVESTIGATING PUT HIM IN
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DANGER.
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>> Kove: PERMISSION DENIED.
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I CAN'T HAVE YOU LEAVING ON SOME
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PERSONAL VENDETTA.
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NO ONE IS LEAVING UNTIL WE SOLVE
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THIS CASE.
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>> Alphonse: THEN I QUIT.
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>> Trent: SO, IF HE QUITS, DOES
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THAT MEAN HE DOESN'T HAVE TO
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SOLVE THE NEW ZEALAND MAFIA
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CASE?
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>> Kove: I GUESS SO.
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>> Trent: OH.
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I QUIT.
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>> Piper: ME TOO.
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>> Trent: ALPHONSE, HOLD UP.
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WE'RE COMING WITH YOU.
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>> Sam: WELL, I QUIT TOO, THEN.
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>> Kove: NO, SAM.
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I'M ORDERING A STOPGAP.
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>> Sam: OH, YOU DON'T NEED ME,
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THOUGH.
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ALL I DO IS THE COMPUTERS.
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>> Kove: I KNOW.
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IT'S LIKE YOU'RE HALF A PERSON.
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THAT'S WHY I NEED YOU TO START
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INTERVIEWING NEW MEMBERS OF THE
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TEAM TO REPLACE THESE OTHERS.
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KOVE OUT.
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>> WELL, WELL, WELL.
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LOOK WHAT THE OTTER DRAGGED IN.
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>> Alphonse: NICE TO SEE YOU,
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TOO, DAD.
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I ONLY CAME HERE TO INVESTIGATE
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BUSTER'S MURDER.
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I DIDN'T COME FOR FORGIVENESS.
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>> GOOD, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER
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GET IT.
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YOU BETRAYED ME AND EVERYONE AT
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NTSF:AK:CANOE:: WHEN YOU USED
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YOUR PORTABLE ELECTRIC TELEPHONE
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TO RESCUE ME FROM THAT ICE HOLE.
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>> Alphonse: I SAVED YOUR LIFE.
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>> YOU KNOW OUR WAYS!
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SON, IT WAS MY TIME TO DIE.
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MOTHER ALASKA WAS CALLING ME
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HOME, AND WHEN YOU BETRAYED
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THAT, YOU WERE NO LONGER MY SON.
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SO, WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS?
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HAVE YOU GUYS EVER BEEN TO
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ALASKA BEFORE?
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>> All: NO.
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>> RIGHT. COME WITH ME.
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WE GOT TO GO GET SOME SALMON
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HEADS.
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>> Sam: THANK YOU FOR COMING IN
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TO MEET WITH US.
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[ CLEARS THROAT ]
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UM, SO YOU'RE A REMEMBERER?
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>> YES, I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.
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IT'S MY BLESSING AND MY CURSE.
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>> Sam: WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A
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LOOK AT THESE PHOTOS FROM THE
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LAST NEW ZEALAND MAFIA ROBBERY
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AND JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU
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REMEMBER.
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>> [ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
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[ INDISTINCT VOICES ]
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I REMEMBER...
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>> Sam: YEAH?
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>> ...YOU GIVING ME THESE
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PHOTOS...
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>> Sam: YEAH.
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>> ...OF A ROBBERY.
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>> Sam: YOU SHOULD GO BACK A
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LITTLE FURTHER IN TIME, MAYBE.
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>> SHH. I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER.
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IT HURTS.
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>> Alphonse: TIME TO FIND, WHAT
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I LIKE TO CALL, CLUES.
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OZONE PROJECT?
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>> HEY!
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THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA.
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>> Alphonse: [ Jamaican accent ]
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OH, HEY, MAN.
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IT'S ME -- JAMAICAN JIM, AND I'M
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FROM THE ISLAND OF JAMAICA.
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I'M JUST HERE LOOKING FOR ME
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JAMAICAN BOBSLED.
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>> OKAY. I BELIEVE YOU.
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GOOD LUCK.
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>> AND THIS IS DOWNTOWN ALASKA.
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EVERYTHING YOU CAN GET IN YOUR
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SAN DIEGO STRIP MALLS CAN BE
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FOUND HERE, ALSO.
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NAME ANYTHING.
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>> Jessie: A BOOK.
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>> THIS TREE.
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THIS TREE IS THE BEST BOOK.
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>> Piper: WHAT ABOUT A KOREAN
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NAIL SALON?
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>> KOREAN NAIL SALON...
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BAM, RIGHT THERE.
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>> GIRL, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
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THAT.
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I'M GETTING MY NAILS DONE.
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>> WATCH OUT FOR THE BEAR TRAP.
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WE CALL THOSE "ALASKAN
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POTHOLES."
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>> Jessie: WHAT ARE THEY FOR?
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>> TRAPPING BEARS
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>> Sam: YOU ARE THE LETTERER.
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WHY DO THEY CALL YOU
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"THE LETTERER"?
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>> LETTERS ARE SYMBOLS.
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IN ANCIENT EGYPT TIMES, SEE,
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THEY ENCODED EVERYTHING WITH
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LETTERS.
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>> Sam: YEAH.
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>> LIKE, TAKE THIS NEWSPAPER.
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THESE LETTERS...THEY SPEAK TO
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ME.
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[ GASPS ]
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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OH, HERE.
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"NEW ZEALAND MAFIA THREATENS
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SAFETY OF SAN DIEGO."
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>> Sam: WE SHOULD JUST CALL YOU
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"THE READER."
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>> UH...HOW ABOUT
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"THE READERER."
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>> HEY!
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HOW'D YOU GET INTO THIS OFFICE?
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>> Alphonse: [ Effeminate
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voice ] OH, HEY.
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I'M LAMONT.
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I'M FROM SAN FRAN-CHEESY.
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ANYWHO, I WAS TALKING TO MY
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FRIEND TRAVON WHO WAS SAYING
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THAT IF YOU WERE EVER IN ALASKA,
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YOU SHOULD STOP BY A CHEMICAL
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PLANT AND CHECK OUT THE
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TRUCK-DRIVER LOGS.
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>> OH, YEAH.
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I HEARD SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
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SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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ENJOY YOUR EVENING.
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>> Piper: THIS SALMON IS
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DELICIOUS.
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I'VE BEEN EATING IT ALL DAY, AND
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I'M NOT EVEN SICK OF IT.
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>> Trent: YEAH, I MEAN, I COULD
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EAT THIS MORNING, NOON, AND
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NIGHT.
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>> YEP, THERE IS NO PLACE BETTER
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THAN ALASKA.
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>> Trent: YOU SAYING THAT ALASKA
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IS BETTER THAN SAN DIEGO?
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'CAUSE I AGREE.
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OH, MY GOD.
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WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?
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>> MORE SALMON, ANYONE?
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>> Piper: MORE SALMON.
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>> Alphonse: [ Normal voice ]
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THEY'RE GONNA DESTROY THE OZONE.
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>> WHO'S THAT?
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YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
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>> Alphonse: HEY, IT'S ME --
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FUTTERMAN.
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AND I'M FUTTERMAN'S MAMA.
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>> WAIT A SECOND.
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YOU'RE NOT FUTTERMAN.
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YOU'RE THAT GUY WHO'S WITH THE
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GAY DUDE AND THE JAMAICAN.
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>> Alphonse: OOPS.
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>> WHERE YOU GOING?
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GET BACK HERE.
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>> Sam: OHH, I'M GONNA TAKE A
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WHIZ.
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HOLD DOWN THE FORT, HUH?
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>> YOUR FREQUENT URINATION IS
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TROUBLING.
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>> HEY, SAM, SAM, SAM.
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I HEAR -- I HEAR YOU'RE...
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I HEAR YOU'RE INTERVIEWING FOR
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NEW AGENTS.
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>> Sam: YOU'RE THE MAIL-ROOM
265
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:18,808
GUY, JASON.
266
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,006
>> NO, NO, BUT -- BUT...I DON'T
267
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,807
REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THE YEAR
268
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,679
2006, SO WHAT I'M PRETTY SURE --
269
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,547
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT DURING THAT
270
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,176
MISSING YEAR, I WAS TRAINED AS A
271
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,580
GOVERNMENT ASSASSIN.
272
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,082
>> Sam: I GO PEE.
273
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,253
>> [ GRUNTING ]
274
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,252
[ LAUGHS ]
275
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,253
OH, SORRY.
276
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,264
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, SORRY.
277
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,985
HERE YOU GO. SORRY.
278
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,330
ASSASSIN INSTINCTS -- BOOM.
279
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,325
JUST KICKED RIGHT IN.
280
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,326
>> Sam: NO, I SAW HIM.
281
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:41,597
>> HEY, PSST.
282
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,655
>> Sam: YEAH.
283
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,333
>> I GOT A MEMO FOR YOU.
284
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,831
THE MEMO SAYS THAT THE
285
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,003
NEW ZEALAND MAFIA?
286
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000
TRANSPORTING AN OZONE
287
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,672
ERADICATION SYSTEM TO ALASKA.
288
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,672
>> Sam: I HAVE TO TELL -- I
289
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,773
HAVE TO TELL TRENT ABOUT THIS.
290
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,944
GIVE ME THE MAIL.
291
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,013
>> WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
292
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:57,950
>> Sam: YOU OPENED IT.
293
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:58,575
>> NOTHING.
294
00:07:58,579 --> 00:07:59,679
>> Sam: DON'T READ THE MAIL,
295
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,680
JASON.
296
00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:01,851
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
297
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,349
WHOA, WHOA, WHAT AN ATTITUDE.
298
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:05,721
HEY, COME HERE. COME HERE.
299
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:06,689
ATTACK ME.
300
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:11,787
>> Alphonse: DAD!
301
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,292
DAD!
302
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,863
OH, I FIGURED OUT WHY BUSTER WAS
303
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:16,763
MURDERED.
304
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,204
PRIDERICIDE CHEMICAL IS WORKING
305
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,868
ON A DEVICE TO DESTROY THE OZONE
306
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:20,897
LAYER, WHICH WILL --
307
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,071
>> SEPARATE ALASKA FROM THE U.S.
308
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:25,070
I'M SURPRISED IT TOOK YOU THIS
309
00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,272
LONG TO FIND OUT.
310
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,143
>> Alphonse: YOU KNEW?
311
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,711
>> KNEW?
312
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:33,051
IT'S MY PLAN, SON.
313
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,646
I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH THE
314
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,048
NEW ZEALAND MAFIA TO HELP
315
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,619
TRANSPORT THE PARTS FROM
316
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,618
SAN DIEGO, WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO
317
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,790
PUT YOUR OLD PARTNER TO SLEEP.
318
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:44,289
HE WAS GETTING A BIT TOO CLOSE.
319
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,631
>> Alphonse: YOU WERE IN
320
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,956
SAN DIEGO AND YOU DIDN'T -- YOU
321
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:47,830
DIDN'T CALL ME?
322
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,328
>> WELL, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S...
323
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,900
LISTEN, ALPHONSE.
324
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,240
COME HOME.
325
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:58,065
TAKE YOUR PLACE BY MY SIDE AS
326
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,241
PRINCE OF ALASKA.
327
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,109
>> Alphonse: WELL, I REFUSE.
328
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:02,908
NOW WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
329
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:03,910
KILL ME?
330
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,811
>> I COULD NEVER KILL MY ONLY
331
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:06,253
SON.
332
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:08,246
I'M GONNA HAVE YOUR FRIENDS DO
333
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:09,118
IT FOR ME.
334
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:12,116
>> All: [ GROANING ]
335
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,249
>> Alphonse: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
336
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,094
TO THEM?!
337
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,988
>> SALMON IN SMALL DOSES IS
338
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,690
BENEFICIAL FOR ANXIETY,
339
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,832
DEPRESSION, AND
340
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,257
MACULAR DEGENERATION.
341
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,361
BUT IN HIGH DOSES...
342
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,102
>> Alphonse: IT'S A MIND-CONTROL
343
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:24,667
FISH.
344
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:25,325
>> BINGO.
345
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,372
>> Sam: YO, ALPHONSE.
346
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,936
YOUR DAD'S A TERRORIST TRYING TO
347
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,195
SEPARATE ALASKA FROM THE U.S.
348
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,102
HEY, WHO ARE YOU? I'M SAM.
349
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,114
>> I'M HIS DAD.
350
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,165
>> Sam: YOU'RE THE GUY I WAS
351
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:33,873
TALKING ABOUT.
352
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,044
>> Alphonse: GIVE ME YOUR FOOD.
353
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,142
>> Sam: WHY? THAT'S MY FOOD.
354
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:36,943
>> Alphonse: TRENT!
355
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:37,984
>> Sam: I HAVEN'T EATEN IT YET.
356
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:38,808
>> Alphonse: THE HIGH
357
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:39,882
CHOLESTEROL WILL COUNTERACT THE
358
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,220
FISH OIL.
359
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,775
DAD!
360
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,454
DAD!
361
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,453
DAD!
362
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,964
>> OVER HERE, SON!
363
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:50,817
[ GRUNTS ]
364
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:51,834
AH, GEEZ.
365
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,455
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
366
00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:55,030
I STEPPED IN AN ALASKAN POTHOLE.
367
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,328
>> Alphonse: I'M CALLING FOR
368
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:56,829
HELP.
369
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:57,330
>> NO, NO.
370
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,700
>> Alphonse: YOU'RE GONNA DIE.
371
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,699
>> I'M ALREADY DEAD, SON.
372
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,742
BUT YOU SAVED ME.
373
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,296
>> Alphonse: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
374
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,844
>> I'M TALKING IN THE
375
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,009
SPIRITUAL...
376
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,138
METAPHORICAL SENSE.
377
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,742
>> Alphonse: OH, I GOT IT.
378
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,314
>> I WAS A FOOL TO THINK THAT --
379
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,982
THAT I COULD KEEP THE BEAUTY OF
380
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,081
ALASKA ALL TO MYSELF.
381
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,322
>> Alphonse: I'LL STAY.
382
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,816
I'LL COME BACK TO ALASKA.
383
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:18,748
I'LL BE PRINCE.
384
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:21,052
>> * SWING LOW
385
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,997
>> Trent: SO, YOUR FATHER WAS A
386
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,503
HOMICIDAL MANIAC BENT ON
387
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,214
ECOLOGICAL DESTRUCTION AND
388
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,206
ISOLATIONISM.
389
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:42,077
>> Alphonse: YEAH, BUT WE MADE
390
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,945
UP, SO IT'S ALL GOOD.
391
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,845
>> Trent: OKAY.
392
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,147
OKAY.
393
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,922
>> I CRACKED THE CASE...
394
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:52,788
OF THESE DONUTS.
395
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,516
>> COMING THIS FLAG DAY TO
396
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,761
ADULT SWIM...
397
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:56,916
HE'S TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT AND
398
00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:57,934
FIND THE CROOKS.
399
00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,225
>> [ PANTING ]
400
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,200
SLOW DOWN!
401
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,525
HEY, IT'S ME FUTTERMAN.
402
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:07,701
>> HE'S FUTTERMAN.
24593
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