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[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
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[ CELLPHONES BEEPING, RINGING ]
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[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]
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>> SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK,
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DR. SPANKY?
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SPANKY!
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>> Trent: [ LAUGHS ]
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>> AT THE NEXT INTERSECTION,
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TURN RIGHT.
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>> Trent: DON'T TELL ME HOW TO
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GET TO WORK, YOU STUPID GPS.
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I'M A HUMAN BEING.
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YOU'RE JUST A COMPUTER.
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>> Kove: I DON'T LIKE IT.
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IT'S ALMOST 10:00 A.M., AND
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THERE HASN'T BEEN A SINGLE
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TERRORIST ATTACK ON SAN DIEGO.
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>> Alphonse: NOTHING IN VIRTUAL
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SAN DIEGO, EITHER.
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>> Kove: ROBOT S.A.M.,
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ROBOT S.A.M.A.N.T.H.A., REPORT.
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>> NOTHING.
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>> NOTHING HERE.
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[ BEEPING ]
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>> [ CHUCKLES ]
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>> TURN LEFT ONTO GOVERNOR'S --
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[ WHIRRING ]
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>> Trent: THE HELL?
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>> WILL YOU MARRY ME?
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[ WHIRRING ]
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[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
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>> Piper: NO!
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WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT?
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UGH!
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>> Trent: COME ON, COMPUTER!
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WAKE UP!
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I DON'T NEED YOU.
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I KNOW SAN DIEGO LIKE TNT KNOWS
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DRAMA.
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I'LL BE AT WORK IN NO TIME.
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>> DIEGO!
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>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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>> DIEGO!
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>> Kove: SAM, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
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ALL THE BLEEP-BLOOPS AND
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BLINK-BLINKS HAVE GONE OUT.
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>> Sam: I DON'T KNOW.
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THE ENTIRE SYSTEM HAS GONE WHAT
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IS TECHNICALLY KNOWN AS
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"KA-BLUNGO."
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>> Kove: TOUCHER, WHAT DO YOU
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KNOW?
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>> I CAN TELL YOU, BUT FIRST I
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NEED TO TOUCH A 12-YEAR-OLD
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AUTISTIC CHILD.
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>> Jessie: WELL, THAT'S
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CERTAINLY CREEPY.
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>> HEY!
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DON'T ASSUME THE WORST.
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I ONLY TOUCH THEIR SHOULDERS.
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TOUCHING YOUNG BOYS IS WHAT
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ALLOWS ME TO SEE THE FUTURE.
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IT'S MY GIFT AND MY CURSE.
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>> Piper: WI-FI IS DOWN.
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PHONES ARE DOWN.
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I'VE GOT TO GET BACK ONLINE.
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I'M MISSING ALL OF
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KELLY OXFORD'S FUNNY TWEETS.
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>> Kove: PIPER, YOUR TWITTER
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FRIENDS ARE NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT
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NOW.
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>> Piper: UGH!
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THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS.
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THEY'RE MY FOLLOWERS!
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>> Kove: WHERE'S TRENT?!
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>> ALBERT, SHOULDERS.
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I SEE SOMEONE EATING A PIZZA.
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>> Trent: MEXICO?
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SINCE WHEN DID THEY MOVE MEXICO
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TO SAN DIEGO?
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>> Kove: GOODBYE.
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WITNESSES REPORT SEEING A
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BUNCH OF FILTHY SCUMBAGS WITH
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MICROWAVES JUST BEFORE THE DIRTY
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BOMB WENT OFF THIS MORNING.
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>> Alphonse: SOUNDS LIKE THE
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MOLE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TAKE OVER
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SAN DIEGO AGAIN.
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>> Sam: OH, EW.
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WHAT IS THAT?
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>> Kove: THIS IS A TELEPHONE.
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>> Jessie: UM, IT'S PRONOUNCED
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"CELLPHONE."
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>> Sam: UH-HUH.
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>> Kove: THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE
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USED BEFORE CELLPHONES.
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>> Piper: SIRI? FROYO.
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[ SLAMS RECEIVER ]
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>> Kove: HERE, LET ME EXPLAIN.
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I'LL MAKE A CRUDE DRAWING.
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I'M GUESSING THESE MICROWAVES
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WERE RIGGED TO EMIT AN
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ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE.
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PUT ENOUGH OF THEM TOGETHER,
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SYNCHRONIZED...
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AND YOU'LL FREEZE UP EVERY
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MICROCHIP IN SOUTHERN SAN DIEGO.
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>> Sam: WOW.
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>> Kove: WE'RE DEALING WITH
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TECHNOLOGY TERRORISTS.
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SAM, YOU KNOW ABOUT TECHNOLOGY.
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>> Sam: HUH?
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>> Kove: I WANT YOU TO
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INFILTRATE THEIR GROUP AND SEE
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WHAT THEY'RE UP TO.
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TAKE JESSIE WITH YOU.
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>> Jessie: ME?
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>> Kove: YOU'RE AMISH.
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YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THEIR LUDDITE
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PHILOSOPHY.
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PLUS, YOU ALREADY LOOK LIKE A
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HOMELESS DRIFTER, SO YOU'LL FIT
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RIGHT IN.
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>> Sam: CAREFUL.
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>> Jessie: WOW!
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LOOKS LIKE A RUSSIAN IKEA
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COMMERCIAL.
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GREETINGS, MOLE PERSON!
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WE MEAN YOU NO HARM.
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>> WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
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HUH?
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DO I LOOK LIKE A FILTHY ANIMAL
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TO YOU?
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DO I LOOK LIKE A FILTHY ANIMAL
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TO YOU?!
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YOU KNOW, I'M A HUMAN BEING.
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THE MOLE PEOPLE ARE ONE FLOOR
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BELOW.
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>> ALL HAIL THE PRAIRIE DOG
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KING!
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>> GREETINGS TO MY PRAIRIE DOG
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PEOPLE!
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THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN!
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
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>> Kove: WHILE SAM AND JESSIE
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ARE WORKING UNDERGROUND, I WANT
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YOU TWO TO TRY AND FIND A
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PATTERN TO THE DIRTY BOMB
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LOCATIONS FROM THIS MORNING.
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>> Alphonse: WHAT THE HELL IS
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THAT?
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>> Kove: THIS IS A "BOOK."
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WE CAN USE IT TO SEE MAPS OF ALL
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OF SAN DIEGO.
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>> Piper: GOT IT!
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IT DOESN'T WORK!
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>> Kove: PIPER.
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SEE?
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IT'S LIKE AN iPAD MADE OF PAPER.
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>> Alphonse: DAMN!
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YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT SO MUCH.
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>> Kove: THERE ARE A LOT OF
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THINGS ABOUT ME YOU DON'T KNOW.
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>> Piper: WE'D LOVE TO HEAR.
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>> Kove: WELL, THEN...LET'S TAKE
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A TRIP.
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>> TODAY, WE TOOK DOWN
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SOUTHERN SAN DIEGO.
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>> YES!
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>> TOMORROW, LA JOLLA.
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BUT BEFORE WE DO THIS, IT IS
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IMPERATIVE FOR US TO REMEMBER
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WHY WE ARE DOING IT.
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>> OH, BROTHER, I CAN'T BELIEVE
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WE'RE GONNA HEAR THIS STORY
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AGAIN.
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>> I ONCE OWNED THE LARGEST
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CHAIN OF MALL BOOKSTORES IN THE
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WORLD.
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LIFE WAS GOOD THEN.
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THEN CAME THE COMPUTERS, THE
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INTERNET, THE KINDLERS, AND
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"THE CLOUD."
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ANYWAY, WITHIN MONTHS, THE
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STORES BEGAN TO CLOSE.
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I WAS BROKE.
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I HAD NOTHING TO MY NAME BUT MY
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BELOVED BOOKS.
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AND THEN YOU, MY -- MY FAITHFUL
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FORMER EMPLOYEES, CAME WITH ME
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DOWN HERE TO CREATE A NEW
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SOCIETY -- A SOCIETY FREE OF THE
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INTERNET AND ITS NEGATIVE IMPACT
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ON BRICK-AND-MORTAR BUSINESSES.
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WHAT THE HELL IS "THE CLOUD"?
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WHERE THE HELL IS THIS CLOUD?
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IT'S CERTAINLY NOT IN THE SKY.
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YOU CAN'T SEE IT.
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>> OH, GET ON WITH IT.
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>> AND SO TODAY, WE DETONATE...
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THE TECHNOLOGY-SMASHING BOMB.
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
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>> HE'S GOT SOME BETTER NAMES,
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BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT ALL
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JUST KIND OF COMES OFF THE TOP
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OF HIS HEAD.
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>> Trent: GLOBAL WARMING MY ASS.
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THERE -- IT'S -- THE CITY HALL
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MUST BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
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>> [ GROWLS ]
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>> Trent: I DON'T HAVE ANY
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CHANGE.
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>> Kove: AND THAT IS HOW I
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MURDERED LEE HARVEY OSWALD.
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>> Piper: TALKING FACE-TO-FACE
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IS SO MUCH MORE ENGAGING THAN
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READING TWEETS.
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>> Kove: YOU SEE?
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WE'RE LEARNING SO MUCH ABOUT
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EACH OTHER.
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>> Piper: YEAH, I MEAN FOR
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EXAMPLE, I NEVER REALIZED THAT
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YOU WERE BLACK.
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>> Alphonse: AND I NEVER
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REALIZED YOU WERE A WOMAN.
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>> Kove: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A
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SECRET ABOUT ME?
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>> Piper: YES!
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>> Kove: I WAS BORN IN A SHOEBOX
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WITH A FULL SET OF TEETH.
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>> Piper: [ GASPS ]
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>> Sam: IF DALTON SETS THIS
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THING OFF, IT'LL BE BACK TO THE
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DARK AGES -- BICYCLES AND 2-D
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MOVIES.
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>> Jessie: NO, NOT 2-D.
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HOW WOULD SCORSESE ESTABLISH
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DEPTH?
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>> Sam: I THINK I CAN DEFUSE
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THIS THING, BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT
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TO DISTRACT DALTON.
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>> Jessie: HOW?
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>> Sam: SEDUCE HIM.
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>> Jessie: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
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DO THAT!
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>> Sam: I know you don't know
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how to do that, but you have to
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for San Diego.
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>> Jessie: UGH!
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>> YOU SHOULD BE PREPARING FOR
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THE ATTACK.
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>> Jessie: OH, I'M GOING TO
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ATTACK SOMETHING ALL RIGHT.
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I'M GOING TO ATTACK THAT
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[BLEEP] [BLEEP]
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THROBBING [BLEEP] [BLEEP]
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MY HANDS [BLEEP] AND [BLEEP]
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LIKE IT IS A CHICKEN.
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[ GROWLS ]
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>> OH, MY GOD!
262
00:07:59,046 --> 00:07:59,946
>> Sam: WHAT IS THIS?
263
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:00,707
A DRIVE SCREWER?
264
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:01,854
I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO
265
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:02,579
THIS OLD-SCHOOL.
266
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,753
PROBLEM IS, I NEVER WENT TO
267
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:04,181
OLD SCHOOL.
268
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,194
I WENT TO ST. MARY'S.
269
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,585
>> Jessie: AND YOUR [BLEEP] ARE
270
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,787
STILL ATTACHED TO YOUR [BLEEP]
271
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,888
AND YOUR [BLEEP] IS IN YOUR
272
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,120
WALLET.
273
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:15,704
>> Sam: CAN'T OPEN THIS.
274
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,296
WELL, I'LL BE.
275
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:20,267
>> Jessie: OVER AND [BLEEP] WITH
276
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,367
OR WITHOUT SOAP.
277
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,699
BOOP.
278
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,644
>> Sam: I GOT TO DISABLE THIS.
279
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:28,639
[ MICROWAVE BEEPING ]
280
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:29,642
THAT'S IT!
281
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,283
I SHORT-CIRCUITED IT!
282
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,078
I short-circuited it.
283
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,880
JESSIE!
284
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,822
DIFFUSED THE BOMB.
285
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:39,047
>> OH, THIS SEDUCTION WAS JUST A
286
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,052
DISTRACTION.
287
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,923
WELL, IN THAT CASE, IT WAS
288
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,622
RELATIVELY SUCCESSFUL.
289
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,394
>> Jessie: THANKS.
290
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,891
>> Sam: THE JIG IS UP, DALTON.
291
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:47,163
NTSF:SD:SUV:: -- WE'RE HERE TO
292
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,400
TAKE YOU TOPSIDE AND ARREST
293
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:48,895
YOU.
294
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,396
>> ALL RIGHT [SIGHS] I'LL GO
295
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,157
WITH YOU.
296
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,904
JUST GIVE ME A FEW MOMENTS.
297
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,740
I'M GONNA GET A FEW BOOKS JUST
298
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,165
TO READ WHILE I'M IN JAIL.
299
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,739
>> Sam: YEAH, I GET IT.
300
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:58,908
>> Jessie: NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK.
301
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,066
>> Sam: I MEAN, WHAT WOULD YOU
302
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,173
TAKE TO JAIL IF YOU NEEDED TO
303
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,784
READ SOMETHING, I MEAN...
304
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:07,077
HE DIDN'T GET BOOKS, DID HE?
305
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,280
>> Jessie: [ GASPS ]
306
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,081
HE'S HEADED DOWN TO THE MOLE
307
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,153
PEOPLE'S TUNNELS.
308
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,791
SHOULD WE GO AFTER HIM?
309
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,346
>> THE MOLE PEOPLE ARE TEARING
310
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:15,264
ME TO PIECES!
311
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,655
[ GRUMBLING ]
312
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:17,287
>> Sam: NO.
313
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,090
SOUNDS LIKE HE'S DEAD ALREADY.
314
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,132
>> Jessie: YOU'RE ALL FREE.
315
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:24,128
ENJOY THE SURFACE OF SAN DIEGO
316
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,931
AND YOUR NEWFOUND FREEDOM.
317
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,704
>> Sam: UM, HOWEVER, YOU'RE ALL
318
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,302
UNDER ARREST AND WILL BE TRIED
319
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,443
AS TECH TERRORISTS.
320
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,168
AND YOU'LL PROBABLY SPEND THE
321
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,043
REST OF YOUR LIVES IN JAIL, JUST
322
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:35,942
SO YOU KNOW.
323
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,753
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
324
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,362
>> WILL YOU MARRY ME?
325
00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:00,204
>> NO.
326
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,840
>> Kove: I'M MADEA.
327
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,135
>> Piper: YES!
328
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,806
>> Kove: YES! YES!
329
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:07,365
[ WHIRRING ]
330
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:10,984
>> Piper: OH, THANK GOD!
331
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,308
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO!
332
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,912
I MISSED A GROUPON FOR
333
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,984
SHEETROCK.
334
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,324
>> Alphonse: FINALLY.
335
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,218
I'M BACK WITH MY REAL FRIENDS!
336
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:23,060
>> Kove: ALONE ONCE AGAIN.
337
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,826
WAIT A MINUTE.
338
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,485
WHERE'S TRENT?
339
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:27,933
>> Trent: NO.
340
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,898
NO!
341
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,327
YOU FINALLY DID IT.
342
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,831
[ Laughing ] YOU FINALLY DID IT!
343
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,344
YOU MOVED THE STATUE OF LIBERTY
344
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,065
TO SAN DIEGO.
345
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,940
DAMN YOU!
346
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,139
DAMN YOU TO HELL!
21282
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