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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:09,582 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 2 00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:10,377 >> VIRGIL ANTE. 3 00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:10,778 >> YEAH! 4 00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:11,808 >> HE'S SUCH A BADASS! 5 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,382 >> YOU ALL KNOW HIM AS THE DARK, 6 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,781 GOTHIC POET WARRIOR FIGHTING A 7 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:16,422 CORRUPT CIVILIZATION IN A CITY 8 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,117 GONE MAD. 9 00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:17,588 >> YEAH! 10 00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:19,215 >> BUT I THOUGHT THAT WAS KIND 11 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,720 OF A BUMMER, SO I CHANGED IT UP. 12 00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:21,761 BEHOLD! 13 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,385 [ ALL GASP ] 14 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,891 MY NEW VIRGIL ANTE -- MIGRATED 15 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:28,603 SOUTH FROM GRIM CITY TO MIAMI, 16 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:29,226 F.L.A. 17 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,760 >> IS THIS SOME SORT OF A JOKE?! 18 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,504 >> KIND OF PART DON DRAPER, PART 19 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,130 BATMAN. 20 00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:33,674 >> JUDAS! 21 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,297 >> YOU'RE WELCOME. QUESTIONS? 22 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:36,403 >> OH, THIS STINKS! 23 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:36,844 >> YEAH? 24 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,307 >> VIRGIL ANTE IS A DARK 25 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:38,766 AVENGER. 26 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,242 HE CAN'T LIVE IN MIAMI. 27 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,581 >> WELL, HE DOESN'T LIVE IN 28 00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:42,175 MIAMI. 29 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,736 HE LIVES IN COCONUT GROVE. NEXT! 30 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,354 >> WHAT ABOUT THE VILLAINS OF 31 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:45,906 GRIM CITY? 32 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,253 WHO'S HE GONNA FIGHT? 33 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,678 >> CLUB KID, PAPARAZZO, 34 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,682 LeBRON JAMES. 35 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,293 >> I HAVE A QUESTION. 36 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:52,915 >> IT'S CROWLEY MOREHOUSE! 37 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,460 >> CROWLEY MOREHOUSE! 38 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,185 >> OH. 39 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,359 IF IT ISN'T CROWLEY MOREHOUSE, 40 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,488 MY EX-PARTNER. 41 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,262 >> VIRGIL ANTE IS MY CHARACTER. 42 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,202 I BIRTHED HIM WITH PEN AND INK, 43 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,627 AND YOU STOLE HIM AWAY. 44 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,602 >> I DIDN'T HEAR A QUESTION IN 45 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,640 THERE, CROWLEY. 46 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,765 >> FINE. HERE'S ONE. 47 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,540 AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF?! 48 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,269 >> YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! 49 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,544 >> YEAH, YOU RUINED IT! 50 00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:15,882 >> I THINK MY HEAD'S GONNA 51 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:16,606 EXPLODE. 52 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,280 [ ALL GASP ] 53 00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,949 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 54 00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:23,817 >> DIEGO! 55 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:26,947 >> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH 56 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:31,294 * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH 57 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,632 >> DIEGO! 58 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,857 >> Trent: OUT OF MY WAY, NERDS! 59 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:36,863 PIPER, WHAT DO WE GOT? 60 00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:37,974 >> Piper: HEAD EXPLOSION. 61 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,395 WITNESSES VIDEOTAPED THE EVENT, 62 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,470 CUT IT TOGETHER ON THEIR 63 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:41,798 iPHONES, AND THEN UPLOADED IT TO 64 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:42,502 THE INTERNET. 65 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:43,673 >> Trent: YEAH, BUT HAVE YOU 66 00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:44,541 SEEN THE REMIX? 67 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:45,808 >> MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE. 68 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:46,966 MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE. 69 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,244 MY HEAD'S GONNA EXPLODE. 70 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:48,812 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 71 00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:49,839 JESSIE, WHAT DO YOU GOT? 72 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,253 >> Jessie: LOOKS LIKE A BRAIN 73 00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:51,545 BOMB? 74 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,705 >> Trent: DOES IT LOOK LIKE A 75 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:53,883 BRAIN BOMB, OR IS IT A BRAIN 76 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:54,381 BOMB? 77 00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,552 I NEED ANSWERS, NOT EXCUSES, 78 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:55,879 JESSIE. 79 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:56,753 >> Jessie: THIS IS 80 00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:57,650 TAD McMILRTHY, MY 81 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:58,891 SECOND-FAVORITE GRAPHIC NOVELIST 82 00:01:58,886 --> 00:01:59,686 OF ALL TIME. 83 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,217 I ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET HIM. 84 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,662 DOING HIS AUTOPSY IS THE NEXT 85 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:03,356 BEST THING. 86 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,757 >> Piper: THESE COMIC BOOKS ARE 87 00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:05,658 SO MISOGYNISTIC. 88 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,329 >> TAD McMILRTHY'S OWN BRAINS ON 89 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,658 A FIRST-EDITION REBOOT -- IT'S 90 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,862 GOT TO BE WORTH A FORTUNE. 91 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,233 I'LL GIVE YOU 200 BUCKS. 92 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,332 >> I'LL GIVE YOU $400. 93 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:13,503 >> Jessie: SORRY, BOYS. 94 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,741 THIS IS GOING IN MY PRIVATE 95 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,565 COLLECTION. 96 00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,439 >> Trent: OCD DETECTIVE, WHAT DO 97 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:17,938 YOU GOT? 98 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,738 >> UM, WELL, THE MURDERER WAS 99 00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:20,670 DEFINITELY IN THE ROOM. 100 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,844 HE WAS, UH -- GOD, PLEASE STOP 101 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:22,842 MAKING ME WORK THESE CRIME 102 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:23,343 SCENES. 103 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:23,944 THEY'RE SO DIRTY! 104 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,254 I GOT TO GET BACK TO THERAPY! 105 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,246 >> Trent: HEY, GREAT JOB. 106 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:28,847 >> AH, COME ON, MAN! GEEZ. OH! 107 00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,449 OH! GOD, UGH! 108 00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:31,021 >> Trent: WHOA. 109 00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:31,888 WHO IS THAT MAGICIAN? 110 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:32,685 >> Jessie: THAT'S 111 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:33,786 CROWLEY MOREHOUSE, MY FIRST 112 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:34,917 FAVORITE COMIC-BOOK AUTHOR AND 113 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:35,892 OUR NUMBER-ONE SUSPECT. 114 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:36,959 >> Trent: WELL, BAG HIM AND 115 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,287 BOARD HIM 'CAUSE THIS GUY'S A 116 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,462 COLLECTOR'S EDITION, AND I WANT 117 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:40,860 TO KEEP HIM GEN MINT 10. 118 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,761 >> Piper: I DIDN'T FOLLOW THAT. 119 00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:43,733 >> Jessie: I DID. 120 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,301 >> Alphonse: NOW I'M GONNA ASK 121 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,299 YOU O MORE TIME! 122 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:49,300 IN ENGLISH, WHAT...IS...YOUR... 123 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,713 PLAN?! 124 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,365 >> CORMAMIN LINDUA ELE LLE. 125 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,984 >> Alphonse: S.A.M., YOU KNOW 126 00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,435 OVER 10,000 LANGUAGES. 127 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,714 WHAT IS HE SPEAKING? 128 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,311 >> UM, SPANISH I THINK. 129 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:00,713 >> Alphonse: DAMN IT! 130 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,984 IT'S NOT SPANISH, MAN! 131 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,423 >> Kove: HE'S NOT COOPERATING. 132 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,718 WITH NO EVIDENCE TO LINK HIM TO 133 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:06,919 THE MURDER, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE 134 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:07,790 TO CUT HIM LOOSE. 135 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:08,918 >> Piper: IF HE DIDN'T MAKE 136 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,322 McMILRTHY'S HEAD EXPLODE, WHO 137 00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:10,594 DID? 138 00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:11,661 >> Kove: INTEL SUGGESTS A 139 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,399 TERRORIST GROUP CALLED FAN BOYZ. 140 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,595 THE "Z" MEANS THAT THEY ARE 141 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:16,996 INDEED CRAZY AND DON'T SUBSCRIBE 142 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,567 TO THE NORMAL RULES OF GRAMMAR. 143 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,466 THEY'RE COMIC-BOOK PURISTS, AND 144 00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:22,338 THEY WORSHIP CROWLEY MOREHOUSE 145 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:22,796 LIKE A GOD. 146 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,313 >> Jessie: COMIC-BOOK STORE WAS 147 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,405 MOST LIKELY A TRIAL RUN. 148 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,466 THEIR NEXT TARGET WILL BE 149 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:27,484 SOMEBODY AT COMIC-CON. 150 00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:28,605 >> Trent: SHUT UP, JESSIE! 151 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,639 KOVE DOES SPEECHES. 152 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,083 >> Kove: GAIL, WHAT DOES YOUR 153 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,578 WOMEN'S INTUITION TELL YOU? 154 00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:33,950 >> MM, I JUST HAVE A FEELING 155 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,417 THEY'RE GONNA STRIKE TODAY. 156 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,676 AND I HAVE A FEELING THERE'S 157 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,094 STILL SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN 158 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:38,785 YOU TWO. 159 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:39,786 >> Kove: REALLY? 160 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,357 TRENT, YOU AND PIPER GO TO 161 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:41,915 COMIC-CON. 162 00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,422 KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR 163 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:43,924 FAN BOYZ. 164 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,764 THEY ALWAYS WEAR THE VIRGIL ANTE 165 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,599 MASK AND HAT. 166 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:50,925 >> Trent: WHERE DID KOVE GO? 167 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:51,831 >> [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] 168 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,032 >> Trent: THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. 169 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,473 WE'LL NEVER FIND THE BOMBER IN 170 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,698 THIS HAYSTACK OF NERDS, GEEKS, 171 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,103 FREAKS, AND COSPLAY FANS. 172 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,444 [ GRUNTS ] COME ON! 173 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:58,939 DAMN IT! 174 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,939 THERE ARE FAN BOYZ EVERYWHERE! 175 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,012 OH, BOY. 176 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,051 >> Alphonse: I CAN'T GET 177 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,345 ANYTHING OUT OF MOREHOUSE. 178 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:07,517 HE JUST KEEPS SAYING, "TUVAH, 179 00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:07,875 TUVAH." 180 00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:08,951 >> Jessie: THAT'S UVISH! 181 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:09,979 >> Alphonse: WHAT'S UVISH? 182 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,453 >> Jessie: VIRGIL ANTE'S SECRET 183 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:11,852 LANGUAGE. 184 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:12,692 ONLY HE SPEAKS IT. 185 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:13,516 ONLY HE KNOWS IT. 186 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,691 >> Alphonse: WELL, GOOD LUCK 187 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,958 FINDING ANYBODY WHO SPEAKS THAT 188 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:16,516 LANGUAGE. 189 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,494 >> Jessie: I'M FLUENT. 190 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,031 CAMEELO FLAN! 191 00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,125 >> Alphonse: WHAT DOES THAT 192 00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:19,626 MEAN? 193 00:04:19,627 --> 00:04:20,787 >> Jessie: IT MEANS VáMONOS! 194 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:21,904 >> Alphonse: WHAT DOES THAT 195 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:22,395 MEAN? 196 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:23,656 >> Jessie: IT MEANS, "LET'S GO." 197 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:24,974 >> Alphonse: NOW, WHAT DOES THAT 198 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:25,965 MEAN? 199 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,396 [ INDISTINCT TALKING ] 200 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,573 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] 201 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:33,143 >> [ LAUGHS ] 202 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,410 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 203 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:34,838 OH, YEAH. 204 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:35,982 >> Trent: MR. PRESIDENT? 205 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,476 >> 50 BUCKS FOR A PICTURE, 30 IF 206 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:38,478 YOU WANT ME TO SIGN. 207 00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:39,649 IF YOU WANT ME TO MAKE EYE 208 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:40,677 CONTACT, IT'S 60 BUCKS. 209 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,021 >> Piper: SIR, YOU WRITE COMICS? 210 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,045 >> HELL YEAH, I DO! 211 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,690 KIDS TODAY WILL BUY ANYTHING SO 212 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:45,915 LONG AS IT'S GOT A SET OF 213 00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:46,819 KNOCKERS IN IT! 214 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,390 >> Piper: THAT IS SO CYNICAL. 215 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,889 WHAT KIDS REALLY NEED IS QUALITY 216 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,530 STORIES, NOT JUST MINDLESS T&A. 217 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:52,155 >> EXCUSE ME. 218 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,759 I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT "POTN" 219 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:54,831 ISSUE NUMBER THREE. 220 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:55,398 >> WHAT?! 221 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,656 >> YOU ESTABLISHED IN THE FIRST 222 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:57,934 ISSUE THAT YOU HAD A THREE WAY 223 00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:58,901 WITH PENNY POISON AND 224 00:04:58,899 --> 00:04:59,669 KATRINA EVIL. 225 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:00,067 >> UH-HUH. 226 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,537 >> THEN IN ISSUE FIVE, YOU SAID 227 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:02,835 YOU WISHED YOU HAD ONE. 228 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:03,666 WHICH IS IT? 229 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,441 >> I TOLD YOU CONTINUITY NERDS 230 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,539 TO STAY AWAY FROM MY BOOTH! 231 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:08,441 [ GRUNTS ] 232 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,012 >> AGH! 233 00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,009 >> Jessie: GULY GULY GULY ROJO 234 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,011 TRAJIO GUNIA. 235 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,182 >> MACA-TOO GOLALILY LA. 236 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,681 >> Jessie: [ LAUGHING ] 237 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:17,084 THANK YOU. 238 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,424 >> Alphonse: WHAT THE HELL DID 239 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:18,749 HE SAY? 240 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,892 >> Jessie: HE KEEPS SAYING THE 241 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,017 GUILTY WILL BE PURGED IN THE 242 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,191 FIERY RIVER OF VENGEANCE, BUT HE 243 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,119 WON'T SAY WHEN OR HOW. 244 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,193 >> I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THAT. 245 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,561 >> Alphonse: MAYBE IT WOULD BE A 246 00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:26,759 GOOD THING IF COMIC-CON DID GET 247 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:27,130 BLOWN UP. 248 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,197 >> Jessie: ALPHONSE, THAT'S 249 00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:28,755 TERRIBLE! 250 00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:29,862 AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF? 251 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:30,433 [ GASPS ] 252 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,201 THE DETONATOR'S ACTIVATED! 253 00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,428 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 254 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,573 >> Alphonse: THAT WE SHOULD GET 255 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,437 THE HELL OUT OF HERE?! 256 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,565 >> Jessie: NO, IT MEANS THE BOMB 257 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:36,639 IS ACTIVATED BY THE QUESTION, 258 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:37,737 AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF YOURSELF? 259 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,208 OH, MY GOD, COMIC-CON! 260 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,036 THE Q&As! 261 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,210 >> Alphonse: HEY, JESSIE, WHAT'S 262 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:45,979 UVISH FOR, YOU'RE SCREWED?! 263 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,779 >> Jessie: GNAR GNAR POOPIE 264 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:50,221 BAHR? 265 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:50,647 NO? 266 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,921 >> Piper: ACCORDING TO JESSIE, 267 00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:53,219 WE JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHICH 268 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,720 ONE OF THE SPEAKERS THE FAN BOYZ 269 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:55,492 IS TARGETING. 270 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,719 >> Trent: WHICH ONE OF THEM IS 271 00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:57,764 BASTARDIZING A BELOVED 272 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:58,728 COMIC-BOOK PROPERTY? 273 00:05:58,726 --> 00:05:59,886 >> Piper: ACCORDING TO THIS 274 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:00,893 GUIDE, ALL OF THEM. 275 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:01,904 >> Trent: DAMN IT! 276 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,055 WE'RE NOT RYAN SEACREST. 277 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,673 WE CAN'T BE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE. 278 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:05,995 >> WELL, I WOULD LOVE TO HELP 279 00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:07,129 YOU, BUT I GOTS TO GO. 280 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,674 HANK SCHILLER'S DOING A Q&A 281 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,939 ABOUT HOW HE'S TURNING HIS 282 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,637 CLASSIC COMIC "LUCIFURIOUS" INTO 283 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,669 A BROADWAY MUSICAL. 284 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:13,913 >> Trent: WAIT A SECOND. 285 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,977 "LUCIFURIOUS," COMIC, MUSICAL, 286 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,507 TURNING, BROADWAY, LYRICS. 287 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,754 INTO?! 288 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,949 HANK SCHILLER'S THE TARGET! 289 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,158 [ BEEPING ] 290 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,915 >> OH, NO, DUDE, I'M TURNING 291 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,833 THIS PROPERTY INTO AN E-BOOK, A 292 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:32,925 VIDEO GAME, KIDS CARTOON. 293 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,156 WE'RE DOING A SERIES OF MOVIES. 294 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,501 >> EXCUSE ME, MR. SCHILLER. 295 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:35,956 >> HANG ON. 296 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,003 >> I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN. 297 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:37,967 CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG? 298 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,165 >> NO THANKS. I DON'T -- AAH! 299 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,636 HEY, MAN, GET OFF ME! 300 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:42,095 OHH! 301 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,002 I JUST GOT HUG-RAPED BY SOME 302 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,614 NERD BEAR! 303 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:46,006 [ GROANS ] 304 00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,166 ANYWAY, DUDE, SORRY ABOUT THE 305 00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:47,884 LONG MESSAGE. 306 00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,135 GIVE ME A CALL BACK WHEN YOU GET 307 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:49,942 A CHANCE, OKAY? 308 00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:50,943 LATER! 309 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,014 >> Jessie: REMEMBER, THE 310 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,182 QUESTION TRIGGERS THE BOMB'S 311 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:53,680 TIMER. 312 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:54,851 WHEN HE STOPS ANSWERING, IT 313 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:55,278 DETONATES. 314 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,782 >> Trent: Got it. Anything else? 315 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,054 >> Jessie: ALSO, CAN YOU ASK HIM 316 00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,821 IF LUCIFURIOUS' FATHER IS ALSO 317 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,520 HIS SON? 318 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,161 >> Trent: What?! No. Got to go. 319 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,685 >> Jessie: HELLO? HELLO? 320 00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:04,161 >> WHO WAS THAT? 321 00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:04,857 >> Trent: JESSIE. 322 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:05,558 >> WHAT'D SHE SAY? 323 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,529 >> Trent: SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THE 324 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:06,957 BRAIN BOMBS. 325 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,830 >> Piper: WHAT ABOUT THE BRAIN 326 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:08,128 BOMBS? 327 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,058 >> Trent: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN WE 328 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:09,702 STOP RUNNING. 329 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:10,627 >> WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL US 330 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:10,901 NOW?! 331 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:11,828 >> Trent: 'CAUSE I CAN'T RUN AND 332 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,632 TALK AT THE SAME TIME! 333 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,233 >> YOU'RE DOING IT NOW! 334 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,173 >> Trent: NO, I'M NOT! 335 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,038 >> SOME PEOPLE SAY THE REASON I 336 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,807 TURNED "LUCIFURIOUS" INTO A 337 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,636 MUSICAL WAS BECAUSE I WAS PAID 338 00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:21,681 $20 MILLION. 339 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,805 NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM 340 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:24,981 THE TRUTH. 341 00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:28,148 I WAS PAID $25 MILLION. 342 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,818 GET IT RIGHT, GUYS. 343 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:32,989 >> I HAVE A QUESTION. 344 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,016 >> NERD WITH A MASK. 345 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:34,821 LET'S DO IT. 346 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:35,992 >> AREN'T YOU ASHAMED OF 347 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:36,659 YOURSELF? 348 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,927 >> Trent: THAT'S THE TRIGGER 349 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:38,585 QUESTION! 350 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:39,892 >> IF MAKING $25 MILLION IS 351 00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,333 SHAMEFUL, THEN I DON'T WANT TO 352 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:42,028 BE PROUD. 353 00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:42,729 [ LAUGHS ] 354 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,160 ALL RIGHT, I THINK WE'RE DONE 355 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:44,934 HERE, RIGHT? 356 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:45,772 >> Trent: NO! 357 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,096 SCHILLER, YOU HAVE A BOMB IN 358 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,770 YOUR BRAIN, AND IT WILL EXPLODE 359 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,269 IF YOU STOP ANSWERING QUESTIONS. 360 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,670 >> I DO HEAR A BEEPING. 361 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,072 IT'S GETTING FASTER, SO PLEASE 362 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,583 ASK ME A QUESTION, I GUESS. 363 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,275 >> Trent: OKAY, UH, HOW ARE YOU? 364 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,336 >> I'M, UH, I'M PRETTY SCARED 365 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:57,884 RIGHT NOW. 366 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:58,878 I'M GONNA BE HONEST WITH YOU. 367 00:07:58,879 --> 00:07:59,879 >> Trent: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO 368 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,180 DO. 369 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,010 I'VE NEVER HAD A CASUAL 370 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:01,924 CONVERSATION IN MY LIFE. 371 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:02,945 >> COME ON, PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP 372 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:03,220 ME! 373 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,276 >> Trent: OKAY, UM, UH... 374 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,694 >> IT'S GETTING FASTER AGAIN. 375 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,886 >> Trent: WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE 376 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:07,187 TIES? 377 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,287 >> Piper: I HAVE AN IDEA! 378 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:08,958 >> THE TIES? 379 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:09,756 >> Trent: YEAH. 380 00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:10,957 >> OKAY, OKAY, I BUY THEM AT A 381 00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:13,058 PLACE IN PASADENA. 382 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,760 >> Jessie: INNOCENT LIVES ARE AT 383 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,502 STAKE. 384 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,137 >> THERE IS NO SOLUTION. 385 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,135 IF SCHILLER WANTS TO LIVE, HE 386 00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,207 MUST ANSWER QUESTIONS FOR THE 387 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,206 REST OF HIS LIFE. 388 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,937 >> AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA RETCON 389 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,382 THAT HE WAS A ROBOT THE WHOLE 390 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:30,977 TIME?! 391 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,208 WHAT AM I -- AN IDIOT?! 392 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,782 >> Piper: HEY, BEARDO, YOU'RE 393 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:34,721 COMING WITH ME. 394 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:34,975 >> OH! 395 00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:35,922 >> Trent: WHAT I DO ASK? 396 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:36,376 >> COME ON. 397 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:36,883 >> UH... 398 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:37,994 >> HEY, MAN, I NEED YOU TO ASK 399 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:38,745 ANOTHER QUESTION! 400 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:39,892 >> CALAMARI OR POTATO SKINS -- 401 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:40,947 WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE BETTER? 402 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:41,994 >> Trent: CALAMARI OR POTATO 403 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,089 SKINS -- WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE 404 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:43,620 BETTER? 405 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:44,894 >> C-CALAMARI. 406 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:45,392 >> [ SPITS ] 407 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,762 >> Trent: YOUR MOTHER -- WHAT 408 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,060 WAS THAT, UH, WHOLE THING ABOUT? 409 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,061 >> HER BEING MY PARENT?! 410 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,232 YOUR QUESTIONS ARE TERRIBLE! 411 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,260 KEEP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! 412 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,674 >> Trent: HOW DID YOU GET HERE 413 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:52,996 TODAY? 414 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,100 HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING 415 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:54,401 UP? 416 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,741 WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? 417 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:56,396 >> BASEBALL PLAYER! 418 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,243 I'M FREAKING OUT! 419 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,937 ONE CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT BECAUSE 420 00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,409 IT'S CALLED FRENCH TOAST, IT WAS 421 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:01,307 MADE IN FRANCE. 422 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:02,778 >> Trent: SHIRTS -- FOR OR 423 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:03,236 AGAINST? 424 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:03,843 >> WHAT?! 425 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,084 I-I'M FOR SHIRTS -- FOR MEN, 426 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,148 AGAINST SHIRTS FOR WOMEN. 427 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,406 >> Trent: IF YOU HAD THE CHOICE 428 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,854 BETWEEN MEETING SHAMU OR GOING 429 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,079 TO A PADRES GAME, WHAT DO YOU 430 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:10,353 PICK? 431 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,350 >> CAN I DO ANYTHING?! 432 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:12,691 >> Trent: IT'S VIDEOTAPED. 433 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,986 >> OKAY, THEN THE PADRES GAME -- 434 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,157 THE PADRES GAME, OBVIOUSLY! 435 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,685 >> Trent: MAMAS PANTS, UNICORNS, 436 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,760 P-PRETZELS, THE PRESIDENT, JFK 437 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:19,859 ASSASSINATION! 438 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,030 I LIKE JACK. I CAN'T TALK. 439 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,198 >> PLEASE, SOMEBODY ASK A 440 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:22,825 QUESTION! 441 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:23,760 DO YOU HEAR THIS?! 442 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,364 >> MY VOICE... 443 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,834 >> [ Crying ] PLEASE DON'T DO 444 00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:26,333 THIS TO ME! 445 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,843 >> Piper: I'VE GOT SOMEONE WHO 446 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:28,665 HAS A QUESTION! 447 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,169 [ BEEPING ] 448 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,099 >> IN ISSUE 18 OF 449 00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,373 "LUCIFURIOUS UNBOUND," HE USES 450 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:32,841 THE FORK WITH HIS RIGHT HAND. 451 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,110 WAS THAT A COMMENTARY ON THE 452 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,937 U.S. SHIFT TO CONSERVATISM? 453 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:36,843 >> OH, THANK GOD. 454 00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,154 THIS COUNTRY AND THIS BOOK IS 455 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:39,305 MOVING TOWARDS THE RIGHT. 456 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,882 >> WAS THE HELL WAR -- WAS THAT 457 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,281 THE IRAQ WAR OR THE AFGHANISTAN 458 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:42,782 WAR? 459 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,453 >> THE UNFOUGHT WAR WITH IRAN 460 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,452 THAT IS IMMINENT. 461 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,023 >> DO YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA 462 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:48,461 HAPPEN? 463 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,115 >> ABSOLUTELY, AND IT WILL BE 464 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,293 CHRONICLED IN THE NEXT 465 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,331 "LUCIFURIOUS" BOOK. 466 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,025 >> Kove: SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON HAS 467 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,197 ONCE AGAIN BEEN SAVED. 468 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,955 THANKS TO TRENT AND PIPER'S PLAN 469 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,474 OF PAIRING SCHILLER WITH A SUPER 470 00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,465 FAN, HE'LL BE ANSWERING 471 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:00,796 QUESTIONS FOR THE REST OF HIS 472 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,001 LIFE, WHICH WILL NOW BE A VERY 473 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:02,802 LONG LIFE INDEED. 474 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,073 >> Jessie: BUT THAT WAS MY PLAN! 475 00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,171 >> Kove: STAY IN YOUR LANE, 476 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:05,712 JESSIE. 477 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,866 TRENT AND PIPER SAVED THE DAY. 478 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,014 >> Piper: I'M JUST GLAD IT'S 479 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:08,478 OVER WITH. 480 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,835 I COULDN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THAT 481 00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:11,143 PIGGISH EXPLOITATION OF WOMEN. 482 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,354 >> Kove: SPEAKING OF WHICH, BY 483 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,305 WAY OF A THANK YOU, 484 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,483 HANK SCHILLER HAS SENT US ALL 485 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,921 ADVANCED COPIES OF HIS NEWEST 486 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,316 GRAPHIC NOVEL. 487 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,018 "PIPER'S PERIL." 488 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,320 >> Piper: UGH, THIS IS... 489 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,992 ACTUALLY VERY, VERY GOOD. 490 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,833 AND THE LIKENESS IS JUST -- IT'S 491 00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,358 LIKE THEY TOOK A PHOTOGRAPH OF 492 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:29,902 ME. 493 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:30,857 HOW DID THEY... 494 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:31,904 >> OH, GOD! AGH! 495 00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:33,329 GET ME OUT OF THIS THING! 496 00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,743 I GOT TO TAKE A PISS! 497 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,235 I GOT TO TAKE A WICKED PISS, 498 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:36,836 MAN! 499 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:37,337 COME ON! 500 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:39,707 [ LAUGHTER ] 501 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,352 >> I DON'T KNOW! 502 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,946 DOES HE WEAR A CAPE?! 503 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,448 DOES HE?! I DON'T KNOW! 504 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,119 WHAT? 505 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:50,517 YES! 506 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,847 STOOL! CHAIR! 507 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:53,853 CHOOL! STAIR! 508 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,364 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M 509 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,415 SAYING ANYMORE. 510 00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,433 FELLA, YOU JUST ASKED, DO I LIKE 511 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,185 DRAWING BOOKS, AND WHILE I 512 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,063 APPRECIATE THAT IT STOPPED THE 513 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,802 BOMB, THIS IS A COMIC-BOOK 514 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:04,457 CONVENTION. 515 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:07,704 YOU'RE LIKE A NEXT-LEVEL IDIOT. 31829

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