Original subtitles

>> SO, PEOPLE ACTUALLY PAY

MONEY, AND THEY BRING THEIR

FAMILIES AND THEIR KIDS --

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THAT'S WHAT A ZOO IS?

[ LAUGHS ] I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST

A PRISON FOR CRAZY ANIMALS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ BELL DINGS ]

>> [ Swedish accent ] EVERYBODY,

PUT DOWN YOUR KIBBLE!

[ GUN COCKS ]

>> OH, GOD! OH, GOD!

DON'T HURT ME!

HURT HER!

>> DON'T WORRY.

WE'RE NOT HERE FOR YOUR MONEY.

WE'RE HERE FOR YOUR FOOD!

GO!

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

>> GIVE ME THAT!

>> I NEED THAT.

>> BITCH!

>> [ Muffled ] GIVE ME THAT

BACK!

>> TIME!

WE'RE THE DOGGIE-BAG CREW.

AS LONG AS SAN DIEGANS EAT FOOD

WHILE THE SWEDISH PEOPLE GO

HUNGRY, WE'LL TAKE THE FOOD

RIGHT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]

>> AREN'T YOU GONNA DO

SOMETHING?

>> ARE YOU KIDDING?

THEY'RE WAY TOO FAST.

>> NO, THEY'RE NOT.

>> YOU GOT A LUCKY BOY THERE.

>> I THINK WE CAN GET THEM.

>> SHUT YOUR MOUTH, JOAN EMBERY.

[ BELL DINGS, HORN HONKS ]

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> THIS ISN'T OVER!

YOU STOLE MY PORK CHOP!

I WANT YOU DEAD!

>> DIEGO!

>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH

* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH

>> DIEGO!

>> SO, THIS IS THE SECURITY

FOOTAGE OF THE ROBBERY, HUH?

WAIT. THAT'S NOT ME.

>> Kove: THAT'S RIGHT.

I HIRED A PRODUCTION TEAM TO

WRITE AND SHOOT AN EXACT

REPRODUCTION OF THE SURVEILLANCE

TAPE IN THE SAME LOCATION WITH

ACTORS.

>> Sam: IT'S RIDICULOUSLY

EXPENSIVE.

>> Kove: I CAN'T STAND

BLACK-AND-WHITE SECURITY

FOOTAGE.

>> Sam: OUR INTEL SHOWS THAT

THIS DOGGIE-BAG CREW HAS BEEN

STEALING FOOD FROM SAN DIEGO AND

SENDING IT BACK TO THEIR HOME

COUNTRY OF SWEDEN TO PREVENT

FAMINE.

>> [ SIGHS ] THESE SWEDES ARE

KILLING ME.

>> Kove: I CAN ASSURE YOU,

MR. PRESIDENT, OUR ENTIRE TEAM

IS FOCUSED ON THIS CASE.

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

>> YOU'RE NEW HERE.

ARE YOU SWEDISH?

>> Trent: YEAH.

NAME'S OSLO.

>> I LIKE YOUR ACCENT.

>> Trent: THANKS.

>> DO YOU V.R.?

>> Trent: DOES THE SWEDISH

GOVERNMENT INSTALL ELK FENCES ON

THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAYS TO

PREVENT ELK ATTACKS?

>> SOMETIMES, BUT THE

EFFECTIVENESS HAS BEEN

INCONCLUSIVELY PROVEN.

>> Trent: GUESS I'LL JUST PUT ON

THESE V.R. GLASSES.

>> I HOPE YOU LIKE TO RACE.

>> Trent: YEAH.

>> THEY'RE UPSIDE DOWN.

>> Trent: MAYBE YOU'RE UPSIDE

DOWN.

>> WELCOME, SWEDES!

TONIGHT, WE BATTLE IN

CYBERSPACE.

[ CROWD CHEERS ]

THE RULES ARE SIMPLE.

THERE ARE NO RULES -- ONLY

WINNERS AND LOSERS.

DOES ANYONE DARE TO RACE THE

UNDEFEATED...DOGGIE BAG CREW?

>> Trent: I WILL.

[ CROWD MURMURS ]

>> DOGGIE BAG CREW, DO YOU

ACCEPT?

>> PREPARE TO BE KIPPERED,

DUMSKALLE.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> ON YOUR MARK...GET SET...

JACK IN!

[ GAME MUSIC PLAYS, BEEPING ]

[ CHEERING ]

>> YEAH!

[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]

[ BIKE BELL RINGS ]

>> Trent: YEAH!

>> NO!

AAH!

NO!

NO!

NO-O.

>> WINNER!

>> THE...IS DEFEATED?

>> NO!

>> I LIKED YOUR MOVES OUT THERE.

IT'S OBVIOUS YOU WANTED IT.

>> Trent: SOMETIMES I LIKE TO

FINISH ON TOP.

>> SOMETIMES EVEN A TOP NEEDS TO

EXPERIENCE A BOTTOM.

I WANT YOU TO BE IN MY CREW.

I WANT YOU IN MY INNER CIRCLE OF

FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT THE

CONSEQUENCES!

>> YES, BUT, SVEN, WE DON'T TAKE

OUTSIDERS.

>> RELAX, JORGEN.

IF WE CLOSE OURSELVES OFF TO

MYSTERIOUS STRANGERS, THEN WE'D

NEVER LEARN ANYTHING.

>> YES, BUT WE JUST MET THIS

GUY.

HE COULD BE A COP, SVEN.

>> A COP? WITH THAT ASS?

ARE YOU A COP?

>> Trent: WITH THIS ASS?

NO WAY.

>> WORKS FOR ME.

>> Sam: WE JUST GOT WORD FROM

TRENT THAT HE'S INFILTRATED THE

DOGGIE BAG CREW.

>> HOW DO WE KNOW THAT THIS IS

DEFINITELY THE SAME GANG?

>> Sam: WELL, THEY'RE SWEDES,

THEY RIDE MOTORCYCLES, AND THEY

WEAR DOG MASKS.

>> YOU JUST DESCRIBED EVERY

SWEDISH PERSON IN THE WORLD.

>> Sam: I THOUGHT YOU'D SAY

THAT, WHICH IS WHY I CREATED A

PROGRAM THAT ISOLATES AND

MONITORS EVERY SWEDE IN

SAN DIEGO.

SO, IF THERE'S A SWEDE IN THIS

CITY, WE'RE THERE.

JESSIE AND PIPER ARE IN THE

FIELD NOW, UNDERCOVER.

>> WHAT KIND MASSAGE WOULD YOU

LIKE?

>> Jessie: SWEDISH.

>> WHAT'S UP, NEWBIE?

TONIGHT, A BUNCH OF US ARE GOING

TO TIG BITTLY'S AFTER WORK FOR

SOME ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT WINGS.

YOU IN?

>> Jessie: [ SPEAKS SWEDISH ]

>> I DON'T SPEAK SWEDISH.

>> Jessie: THEN HOW DID YOU KNOW

I WAS SPEAKING SWEDISH?

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ]

>> WE ARE THE SPOKES THAT TURN

THE WHEEL OF LIFE THAT PUSHES

THE CHASSIS THAT IS SWEDEN.

AND TO PEDAL, WE NEED FOOD.

>> Trent: RIGHT. [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WE'RE FOOD LIBERATORS.

>> Trent: YES.

>> MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD OF US.

WE ARE THE DOGGIE BAG CREW.

[ LAUGHS ]

WE NEED PEOPLE LIKE YOU TO HELP

US KEEP MOTHER SWEDEN FED.

IF YOU CAN PEDAL LIKE THAT,

VIRTUALLY, IT WILL BE LIKE

TAKING RHUBARB ICE CREAM FROM

A BABY.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> Trent: YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]

>> [ LAUGHS ] TRENT!

>> Trent: YEAH?

>> I CALLED YOU "TRENT HAUSER."

YOU RESPONDED, YEAH?

>> Trent: OH, IT SOUNDED LIKE

YOU SAID, "OSLO."

>> I SAID, "TRENT."

>> I HEARD, "OSLO."

>> Trent: YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

>> OKAY, BUT, THEN, HOW ABOUT

THIS?

EXPLAIN THIS, TRENT.

>> Trent: GOT THAT AT A TWO-BIT

NOVELTY SHOP.

>> NO, THIS IS A REAL NEWSPAPER.

I'VE GOT YOU PRETTY CORNERED.

THERE IS A QUOTE -- "HE'S AT HIS

BEST WHEN HE'S GOING

UNDERCOVER."

>> Trent: THIS IS A NOVELTY GIFT

I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU GUYS,

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M NEW IN

YOUR GANG, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

FUNNY.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> NO WAY.

HEY, BUT THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

THERE'S CLASSIFIED.

THERE'S A LOT OF SECTIONS.

THERE'S A SPORTS SECTIONS WITH

THE SCORES FROM YESTERDAY'S

GAME.

>> Trent: PICKING AT STRAWS

HERE -- I DON'T GO TO YOUR HOUSE

AND, UH...

HEY, LOOK --

>> I'M GUARANTEEING HE'S POLICE

OFFICER.

LET'S GET AWAY FROM HIM.

>> JORGEN IS JEALOUS.

[ LAUGHS ]

>> NO, I'M NOT JEALOUS.

>> Trent: YOU ARE JEALOUS.

>> JORGEN JEALOUS.

>> I THINK WE'RE ALL BEST

FRIENDS.

>> ALL RIGHT, COME ON!

IT IS ENOUGH WITH THE CONSPIRACY

THEORIES.

WE HAVE ACTUAL WORK TO DO.

TOMORROW, WE HAVE OUR FINAL FOOD

LIBERATION FROM RESTAURANT IN

THE AFTERNOON.

>> Trent: AFTERNOON?

I THOUGHT WE ONLY ROB AT NIGHT.

>> OH, NO, IT'S A CHANGE OF

PLANS.

[ HORN HONKS ]

>> Trent: WATCH OUT, O'DONNELL!

>> Kove: TRENT, GET OFF THAT

PEDAL MOTORCYCLE.

>> Trent: IT'S NOT A PEDAL

MOTORCYCLE.

IT'S A PEDICAB.

>> Kove: WHAT'S THE NEW TARGET?

>> Trent: I DON'T KNOW.

THEY CHANGED PLANS.

>> YOU DON'T KNOW?!

WHAT KIND OF HILLBILLY OPERATION

IS THIS?

>> Trent: WAIT, YOU NEED TO

RELAX.

WE ARE BUT JUST THE GEARS ON

THE BIKE OF LIFE.

IF YOU SWITCH THOSE GEARS TOO

EARLY, YOU POP THE CHAIN, IT

TEARS APART.

>> OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE BECOMING ONE OF THEM!

WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF YOU?

ANYBODY ELSE?

PIPER, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

>> Piper: UGGHHH!

I CAN'T EVEN THINK RIGHT NOW!

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD

NAME A DESK "KLAUSNDK."

>> JESSIE, TALK TO ME!

>> Jessie: YOU'RE GETTING IT.

[ CRACKING ]

YEAH. YOU'RE REALLY GETTING IT.

DO YOU HEAR THAT?

THAT'S CRUNCHY, RIGHT?

>> YEAH. YEAH.

SHE'S REALLY TENSE.

>> Kove: TRENT, YOU'RE OUR ONLY

HOPE, BUT YOU HAVE TO GO IN

WITHOUT BACKUP.

YOU UP FOR THIS?

>> Trent: JA.

MM -- I MEAN, YES.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

[ CLOWN HORN HONKS ]

>> WHAT THE...?

>> WHOA.

[ CROWD MURMURS ]

>> YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE...

THE DOGGIE BAG CREW.

[ GUN COCKS ]

DROP YOUR WEAPONS. FBI.

[ GUN COCKS ]

>> INTERPOL!

[ GUN COCKS ]

>> MALL SECURITY.

[ GUN COCKS ]

>> Trent: NTSF:SD:SUV::.

>> WE HAVE GOT TO DO BETTER

BACKGROUND CHECKS!

>> * WOULD YOU SHOOT A FRIEND

AND END A FRIENDSHIP? *

* WOULD YOU CAGE ME UP AND LET

ME ROT AND DIE? *

* YOU AND I ARE THE SAME, YOU

KNOW YOU KNOW IT *

* SO DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY

>> Trent: * IT'S MY JOB TO MAKE

CRIMINALS PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES *

* YOU MUST SUFFER THE PENALTY

AND DO THE TI-I-I-ME *

>> * COME WITH ME NOW,

LEAVE YOUR BADGE BEHIND *

* WE'LL RIDE AND ROB, OUR BOND

WILL BE YOUR NEW JO-O-O-O-B *

>> Trent: * I CAN'T

>> * YOU CAN

>> Trent: * I WANT TO

>> * YOU WON'T

* THEN LET ME GO

>> Trent: WHERE'D HE GO?

I'VE GOT YOU.

>> YOU DIDN'T GET ME.

I'M A POLICE OFFICER --

SAN DIEGO P.D.

>> Trent: IF YOU'RE A POLICE

OFFICER, THEN WHERE'S YOUR

BADGE?

>> RIGHT HERE.

>> Trent: GREAT FORGERY.

>> AAH!

>> [ SIGHS ]

[ SCOFFS ]

AGENT HAUSER.

>> Trent: I THOUGHT I'D FIND YOU

HERE.

I'VE COME HERE FOR ONE THING --

TO PUT YOU UNDER ARREST.

* WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL, YOU

AND I *

* IF WE WERE BORN ON THE SAME

SIDE OF THE TRACK *

>> * BUT WHERE WE'RE GOING,

THERE'S NO COMING BACK *

>> Both: * NO COMING BA-A-A-CK

>> [ GROANS ]

>> Trent: [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> YEAH!

KOVE, THAT WAS AMAZING!

YOUR RE-ENACTMENT VIDEOS ARE

JUST GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

>> Piper: AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A

VERY COURAGEOUS CHOICE TO LET

TRENT PLAY HIMSELF.

>> Jessie: AND I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU LET SVEN PLAY SVEN.

HE'S A NATURAL.

>> Sam: GUYS, WE JUST GOT WORD

BACK FROM SUNDANCE.

>> Kove: OH.

>> Sam: WE DIDN'T GET IN.

>> OH, COME ON!

>> Kove: FINE.

WE'LL HIT SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST AND

SLAMDANCE, AND WE'LL HIT 'EM

HARD.

SAM, GET ME ALL THE DETAILS ON

TORONTO A.S.A.P.

THERE'S MORE THAN ONE PLAYER IN

THE FESTIVAL CIRCUIT GAME.

[ VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS ]