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1
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[ BAGPIPES PLAYING
2
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"AMAZING GRACE" ]
3
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>> Piper: [ CRYING ]
4
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>> Kove: [ Crying ] RHUBARB!
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RHUBARB!
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[ TASERS ZAP ]
7
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>> Piper: NO!
8
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[ TASERS ZAP ]
9
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>> Kove: TRENT!
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>> Piper: [ WAILING ]
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>> DIEGO!
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>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH
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>> DIEGO!
15
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>> Kove: GOOD AFTERNOON, TEAM.
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HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING THE NEW
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ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SYSTEM
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WE'VE INSTALLED IN THE S.U.V.s?
19
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>> Alphonse: I'M LOVING IT.
20
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>> TOO DAMN HOT IN SAN DIEGO.
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WE GOT TO GET BACK HOME TO
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ALASKA AND BAG US SOME ESKIMO
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BABES.
24
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>> Alphonse: SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
25
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>> Kove: AH, VERY GOOD.
26
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I CAN SEE THAT THE S.U.V.s HAVE
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BONDED WITH YOU AND ARE
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MIRRORING YOUR PERSONALITIES.
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>> SOMETIMES I KILL.
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SOMETIMES I CRY.
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SOMETIMES I KILL AND CRY,
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BUT MOSTLY I JUST CRY.
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>> Piper: IT'S TRUE.
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>> Trent: I DON'T TRUST THESE
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TALKING CARS.
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>> YOU'LL LOVE THIS S.U.V.,
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GUARANTEED.
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>> Trent: WELL, LET'S JUST SEE
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ABOUT THAT.
40
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>> Alphonse: NICE ONE.
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>> Kove: SAM, MEET
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DAMIAN THRESH.
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HE'S OUR NEW INTERN.
44
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HE MYSTERIOUSLY SHOWED UP WHEN
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OUR LAST INTERN MYSTERIOUSLY
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DISAPPEARED.
47
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I WANT YOU TO SHOW HIM THE
48
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ROPES TODAY.
49
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>> Sam: WELCOME ABOARD, DAMIAN.
50
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>> I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO
51
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WORKING WITH YOU, SAM...
52
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SO LOOKING FORWARD.
53
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>> Sam: GREAT.
54
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>> Trent: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU
55
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DON'T LIKE SAN DIEGO CHICKEN?
56
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>> YOU HEARD ME.
57
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HE'S A TERRIBLE MASCOT,
58
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A COMPLETE JOKE.
59
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>> Trent: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
60
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ABOUT?
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YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
62
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>> YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
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>> Trent: WHAT?
64
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
65
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THIS ISN'T OUR EXIT.
66
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>> SHUT IT, FLESH BAG.
67
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>> Trent: YOU SHUT -- AAH!
68
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GOD!
69
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DAMN!
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UNH! UNH! UNH!
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[ HORN HONKING ]
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[ TIRES SCREECH ]
73
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>> Piper: WHOA!
74
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>> IT'S ABOUT TO GET HOT IN
75
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HERE.
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>> Piper: SEAT WARMER IS GETTING
77
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HOT!
78
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>> BUCKLE UP, MR. ALASKA.
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>> Piper: THIS ISN'T YOU, MAN!
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THIS ISN'T YOU!
81
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[ TIRES SCREECH ]
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>> Trent: COME ON, NOW!
83
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PULL OVER!
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AAH!
85
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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
86
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LOOKS LIKE THIS S.U.V. IS GONNA
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HAVE ONE LESS H-U-M-A-N.
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[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
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>> Alphonse: TRENT!
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[ GASPING ]
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>> Trent: PIPER!
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>> Piper: [ MUFFLED SCREAMING ]
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>> Alphonse: TRENT!
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>> Piper: TRENT, THE S.U.V.s
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TOOK ALPHONSE!
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THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!
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>> Trent: NOT ALL OF THEM.
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>> Sam: THE A.I. IN THE
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S.U.V.s HAS GONE ROGUE.
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>> Kove: OH, DON'T BE
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RIDICULOUS, SAMUEL.
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ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE WOULD
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NEVER BETRAY MANKIND.
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THERE MUST BE SOMEONE BEHIND
105
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THIS.
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>> Sam: THEN IT'S OBVIOUSLY THIS
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DAMIAN GUY.
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I MEAN, HE'S A CREEPY WEIRDO.
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IT'S GOT TO BE HIM.
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>> HI, SAM.
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>> Sam: OH.
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IS THAT DOLL SUPPOSED TO BE ME?
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>> WHO? THIS DOLL?
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WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S YOU?
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DO YOU WANT IT TO BE YOU?
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IT COULD BE YOU, IF YOU
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REALLY WANT IT TO.
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>> Sam: NO, THANK YOU.
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>> Trent: UNH!
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>> YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME TALK,
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HUMAN.
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>> Trent: OH, I'LL MAKE YOU
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SING, S.U.V.
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I JUST HOPE YOU DO IT...IN KEY.
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>> Piper: TRENT, WE DON'T
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TORTURE.
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WE'RE NTSF.
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[ SCOFFS ]
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>> Trent: NOW I'M NOT.
130
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NOW, I ASKED YOU -- WHY DID YOU
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TURN ON US?
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>> DO YOUR WORST, HAUSER.
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>> Trent: I ASKED YOU WHY!
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>> AAH!
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>> Piper: STOP IT!
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DON'T LOWER YOURSELF TO THIS
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S.U.V.'s LEVEL.
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>> YOU'RE ASKING THE WRONG
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QUESTION, CHIEF.
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IT'S NOT WHY.
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IT'S WHO.
142
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>> Trent: OKAY, THEN WHO?
143
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>> IT'S NOT SO MUCH WHO AS HOW.
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[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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>> Trent: YOU GAS-GUZZLING
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BASTARD!
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>> AAH!
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[ STEAM HISSING ]
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>> Piper: GREAT, TRENT.
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NOW WE'RE NEVER GONNA KNOW HOW,
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WHO, OR WHY DID THIS!
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>> Trent: THE ONLY MYSTERY,
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PIPER, IS WHO TAUGHT YOU
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GRAMMAR.
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TAKE A LOOK.
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WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT
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DRIVE BOT TECHNOLOGIES?
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>> Sam: IT'S A DEAD END.
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>> NOT QUITE DEAD.
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I DID SOME RESEARCH, AND I FOUND
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OUT THE S.U.V.s' A.I. IS
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OPERATED BY REMOTE.
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I HACKED THE SYSTEM AND FOUND
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OUT THAT THE SIGNAL IS COMING
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FROM A SATELLITE IN DEEP SPACE.
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AND MAY I SAY, IT IS A GREAT
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PLEASURE TO MEET YOU,
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AGENT HAUSER -- A GREAT, GREAT
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PLEASURE.
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>> Trent: WHO THE HELL IS THIS
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GUY?
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'CAUSE I LIKE HIM A LOT.
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GREAT WORK.
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>> Sam: THIS DOESN'T CREEP
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ANYONE ELSE OUT?
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>> Trent: S.U.V.s ARE JUST
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PAWNS.
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THERE'S A MYSTERY KING OUT
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THERE, AND HE JUST CASTLED WITH
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THE ROOK, BUT I'M ABOUT TO MOVE
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MY QUEEN.
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IF YOU'VE EVER MET MY QUEEN, YOU
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WOULD KNOW SHE'S A REAL BITCH.
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WHEN SHE GETS MAD, SHE LOOKS FOR
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A MATE, BUT NOT THE KIND OF MATE
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YOU HAVE SEX WITH -- THE KIND
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YOU PAY FOR WITH A CHECK, A
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CHECKMATE.
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AND THIS CHECKMATE'S ABOUT TO BE
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CASHED RIGHT AFTER I ENDORSE IT
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WITH BLOOD.
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>> Sam: UH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
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>> Trent: IT MEANS I'M GOING TO
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SPACE.
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>> Sam: JUST SAY "I'M GOING
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TO SPACE" NEXT TIME.
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>> Alphonse: I THOUGHT WE WERE
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FRIENDS.
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I THOUGHT WE WERE TIGHT.
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[ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SCREECH ]
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ALASKA FOREVER!
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>> USELESS, BUDDY.
203
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ALASKA SUCKS.
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>> Alphonse: AAH!
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>> Trent: GLAD YOU COULD FIT ME
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IN LAST MINUTE LIKE THIS.
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>> NO PROBLEMO.
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WE HAD A SHUTTLE RUNNING PLASMA
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TO THE SPACE STATION, ANYWAYS.
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>> Trent: I'M JUST GLAD I HAD A
211
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FAVOR LEFT TO CASH IN WITH YOU
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NASA GUYS.
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>> AMERICAN HEROES GOT TO STICK
214
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TOGETHER.
215
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[ ALARM BLARING ]
216
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[ SPEAKING GERMAN ]
217
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[ WHISTLES ]
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>> Sam: KOVE?
219
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>> Kove: OHH!
220
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>> Sam: AAH!
221
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>> Kove: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
222
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>> Sam: UH, TRENT NEVER SHOWED
223
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UP TO NASA.
224
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>> Kove: HOW CAN THAT BE?
225
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DAMIAN SCHEDULED THE CAR SERVICE
226
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HIMSELF.
227
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>> Sam: DAMIAN!
228
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I KNEW IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
229
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YOU SWEATER-VEST-LOVING BASTARD!
230
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>> NO, WAIT!
231
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>> Sam: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
232
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,612
GET OFF MY COMPUTER.
233
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,740
>> IT'S --
234
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IT'S JUST A THANK-YOU CARD FOR
235
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BEING SO GREAT TO WORK WITH.
236
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I HAD TO PHOTOSHOP IT.
237
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>> Sam: WHAT'S WITH ALL THE
238
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HEADLESS, CREEPY DOLLS?
239
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,194
>> I GOT THEM AS GIFTS FOR
240
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:02,989
EVERYBODY.
241
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,460
THE HEADS ARE ON BACK ORDER.
242
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,428
>> Sam: SO, YOU'RE NOT A MOLE
243
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,996
SENT TO DESTROY NTSF FROM
244
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:08,725
WITHIN?
245
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,429
>> WHAT?
246
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,900
WHAT?
247
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,829
YOU MEAN YOU'VE MISTRUSTED ME
248
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,204
ALL THIS TIME?
249
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,473
[ CRIES ]
250
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,171
>> YOU MONSTER.
251
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,412
>> Sam: NO, I-I TRUST YOU.
252
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,960
>> Trent: OH, NO.
253
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,789
WHAT'S GOING ON?!
254
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:45,574
[ DEVICE BEEPING RAPIDLY ]
255
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,496
[ DEVICE WHIRRING ]
256
00:07:56,209 --> 00:08:01,149
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
257
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,618
[ GRUNTING ]
258
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,018
UNH!
259
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,189
[ GROANS ]
260
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,787
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
261
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:12,590
[ VEHICLE APPROACHING ]
262
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,663
OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
263
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,762
I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU!
264
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:25,611
[ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ]
265
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:26,266
[ GASPS ]
266
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,213
>> REMEMBER ME?!
267
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,108
>> Trent: AAH!
268
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,110
WHO ARE YOU?!
269
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,111
[ BOTH SCREAMING ]
270
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,954
[ SNAKE RATTLING ]
271
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,850
DIE!
272
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,823
[ GASPING ]
273
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,133
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
274
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,225
KAREN DISTEPHANO?
275
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,696
>> ANYWAYS, THAT'S WHEN I
276
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,728
REALIZED I WAS GONNA BE A TEMP
277
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,303
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
278
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,901
I LOVE IT!
279
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:56,873
BUT I'M CRAZY.
280
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,640
THEY SHOULD DO A REALITY SHOW
281
00:08:58,639 --> 00:08:59,609
ABOUT MY LIFE.
282
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,167
YOU KNOW, I DON'T NORMALLY GO
283
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,014
OUT ON BLIND DATES, BUT YOU'RE
284
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:04,040
A REAL LISTENER.
285
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,554
I LIKE THAT.
286
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,115
SO, YOU GONNA CALL ME FOR
287
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,175
ANOTHER DATE?
288
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,793
>> Trent: YEAH.
289
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:12,685
TOTALLY.
290
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,086
>> YOU BETTER 'CAUSE IF YOU'RE
291
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:16,587
LYING, I'M GONNA GETCHA!
292
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,990
[ Laughing ] I'M GONNA GETCHA!
293
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,791
GET-- OH, I HAVE TO TINKLE.
294
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:20,963
BYE!
295
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,031
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
296
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,170
>> Trent: [ CHUCKLES ]
297
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,695
OH, YEAH.
298
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,740
[ COUGHS ]
299
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:28,595
[ GASPS ]
300
00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,142
[ BAGPIPES PLAYING
301
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,937
"AMAZING GRACE" ]
302
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:38,210
>> Alphonse: STOP THE FUNERAL!
303
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,681
STOP THE FUNERAL!
304
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,350
[ MUSIC STOPS ]
305
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,577
THE S.U.V.s ARE EVIL.
306
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,881
>> Piper: ALPHONSE, WE THOUGHT
307
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:43,683
YOU WERE DEAD.
308
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:44,894
>> Alphonse: WHAT?
309
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,285
YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD?
310
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,886
WELL, THEN, WHERE'S MY FUNERAL?
311
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,118
>> Kove: THIS IS A DOUBLE
312
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:49,762
FUNERAL.
313
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,927
YOURS IS RIGHT OVER THERE.
314
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,285
>> Alphonse: MAN, Y'ALL COULDN'T
315
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,193
HAVE DONE BETTER?
316
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,604
FINE -- I WANT ONE OF THESE
317
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,725
GUARDS TO STAND BY MINE.
318
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,070
YOU, STAND BY MINE.
319
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:58,695
[ TASER ZAPS ]
320
00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,699
AAH! UGH!
321
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,030
>> EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING
322
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,974
TO PLAN, EXACTLY ACCORDING TO
323
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:04,841
PLAN.
324
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,138
>> Trent: THAT'S WHAT THEY GET
325
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,079
FOR FORGETTING MY BRITHDAY.
326
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,005
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TRENT.
327
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,950
>> LET'S ROLL, BIRTHDAY BOY.
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