Original subtitles

>> [ German accent ] DANKE

SCHOEN, GENTLEMEN.

ALWAYS A PLEASURE TAKING YOUR

MONEY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> Trent: GUNNAR GEIRHART.

I TOLD YOU BACK IN CóRDOBA, IF

YOU STEP FOOT IN THE

UNITED STATES AGAIN, I'D BE ALL

OVER YOU LIKE ROSS ON RACHEL.

AND, WHOOP, THERE IT IS.

>> VERY GOOD, AGENT JOHNSON.

YOU HAVE FOUND ME.

UNFORTUNATELY, YOU CANNOT ARREST

ME.

WE ARE NOT IN THE UNITED STATES.

>> Trent: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

WE'RE IN SAN DIEGO.

>> NO. YOU ARE IN SAN DIEGO.

I AM IN MéJICO.

THIS CASINO WAS BUILT STRADDLING

THE BORDER, AND YOU, TRENT, YET

AGAIN, ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE.

>> YEAH...DUMBASS.

>> Trent: I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A

PIÑATA AT A QUINCEAÑERA!

>> IS THIS THE KINDER?

OH, LOOK.

SO SORRY, AGENT HAUSER.

OR SHOULD I SAY, "LOS CIENTO.

ME TENGO QUE IR."

>> Trent: YOU MAY HAVE WON THIS

TIME, GUNNAR, BUT NEXT TIME, I

ASSURE YOU, I'LL HAVE THE

WINNING HAND.

>> AAH!

>> Trent: SORRY.

>> DIEGO!

>> * OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH

* OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH

>> DIEGO!

>> Kove: GUNNAR GEIRHART?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> Trent: WE HAVE A CHANCE TO

CUT THIS MALIGNANT CYST OUT OF

SOCIETY'S PROSTATE.

WE NEED TO TAKE IT!

>> Kove: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

THIS PERSONAL VENDETTA OF YOURS

MUST COME TO AN END.

NOW GET OFF MY VISION BOARD.

YOU'RE SMUDGING MY PUFFY PAINT.

>> Trent: GUNNAR GEIRHART IS

TAKING A CRUISE ON THE

ACAPULCO PRINCESS.

>> Kove: LET IT GO.

THOSE ARE INTERNATIONAL WATERS.

IT'S THE D.I.P.I.D.'s PROBLEM

NOW.

>> Trent: UGH!

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

FOR 20 MINUTES, THAT CRUISE SHIP

WILL BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO

SAN DIEGO TO BE IN NTSF:SD:SUV::

JURISDICITION.

I NEED TO TAKE THIS SHOT!

>> Kove: PERMISSION DENIED!

NOW FOR SOME SPARKLES.

>> Trent: YOUR SPARKLES CAN GO

STRAIGHT TO HELL!

[ Dial tone ]

HELLO? YEAH.

GET OUT OF HERE.

PIPER, ALPHONSE, AND I WON A

CRUISE ON THE ACAPULCO PRINCESS?

JUST FOR LISTENING TO MY

FAVORITE OLDIES?!

[ CHUCKLES ] SURE, I'LL SAY IT!

KGZR PLAYS MY FAVORITE OLDIES.

OKAY, GREAT.

>> Piper: WE WON A CRUISE?!

>> Trent: THAT'S RIGHT.

WE LEAVE TOMORROW.

PACK YOUR BAGS.

SAM, LET'S TALK.

THAT WAS A LIE.

I'M TAKING DOWN GUNNAR GEIRHART,

AND I NEED YOUR HELP.

>> Sam: YEAH, SURE. ANYTHING.

>> Trent: YOU NEED TO KEEP KOVE

IN HER OFFICE FOR THE NEXT

72 HOURS.

SHE CAN'T KNOW THAT WE'RE GONE

OR WHERE WE'RE GOING.

>> Sam: WTF? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

>> Trent: DON'T SCREW ME ON THIS

ONE.

[ AIR HORN BLOWS ]

>> Piper: HEY, GUYS!

>> BABE, CHECK IT OUT.

FREE FLOWER NECKLACES.

>> Piper: WHOA.

>> Trent: WHO THE HELL IS THIS

GUY?

>> Piper: OH, THIS IS MY FIANCé,

TUCKER.

I BROUGHT HIM ALONG BECAUSE

WE'RE ON VACATION.

>> SO, THESE ARE THE GUYS WHO

WORK FOR YOU AT THE COFFEE CUP?

[ CHUCKLES ]

I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

>> Piper: UM, TUCKER MAKES

CLOCKS.

>> THEY'RE NOT CLOCKS, BABE.

THEY'RE TIMEPIECES.

I'LL SMELL YOU FOOLS LATER.

>> Piper: ISN'T HE GREAT?

>> Alphonse: YOU TOLD HIM WE

WORKED AT A COFFEE SHOP AND WE

WORK FOR YOU?

>> Piper: YEAH, YOU DO.

AND YOU ALMOST GOT FIRED LAST

WEEK, SO THAT'S A WARNING.

>> YOU KNOW IT'S DANGEROUS FOR

ME TO BE SEEN WITH YOU.

>> Trent: [ SCOFFS ]

>> WE COULD BOTH LOSE OUR JOBS.

I CAN'T AFFORD TO LEAVE MY BABY

MOTHERLESS.

>> Trent: RELAX.

NO ONE AT THE D.I.P.I.D. WILL

KNOW YOU WERE INVOLVED.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GET ME A

SEAT AT GUNNAR'S TABLE AND FRONT

ME THE MONEY.

>> OKAY.

I CAN DO THAT.

>> Trent: [ SCOFFS ]

ONE MORE THING.

DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

>> OKAY. REALLY NOT AN ISSUE.

>> Trent: YOU'RE GONNA FRONT ME

THE MONEY, YOU'RE GONNA GET ME A

SEAT AT HIS TABLE, AND YOU'RE

NOT GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH ME?

>> YOU JUST NEED TO KEEP HIM

OCCUPIED UNTIL EXACTLY

11:09 P.M.

THAT'S WHEN WE ENTER SAN DIEGO

WATERS.

>> Trent: AND I NEED YOU TO

REMEMBER JUST ONE THING.

WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER, I'M JUST

GONNA BREAK YOUR HEART.

SURE, SEX WILL BE FANTASTIC.

BUT THAT'S NOTHING TO HANG YOUR

HAT ON.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WE ALMOST KISSED.

>> AHOY.

>> Sam: HEY.

>> Kove: END OF BUSINESS.

TIME TO GO HOME.

>> Sam: WAIT. UH...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

LOOK, YOU CAN'T.

UH, I MEAN...

LET'S HANG.

WE NEVER GET TO HANG.

>> Kove: OKAY.

YOU'VE GOT ME FOR FIVE MINUTES.

>> Sam: I WAS WONDERING HOW YOU

MAKE YOUR VISION BOARDS.

SPECIAL KIND OF GLUE OR...

>> Kove: OH, IT ISN'T THE GLUE

THAT MAKES THEM SPECIAL.

NO.

FIRST YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT YOU WANT TO MANIFEST IN

YOUR LIFE -- WEALTH, A

RELATIONSHIP, POWER, DEPTH.

>> Sam: POWER.

>> Kove: POWER?

YES, WE'LL START WITH POWER.

>> CHECK IT OUT.

FREE BOOZE!

YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TIP.

>> Piper: ALPHONSE, IS HE THE

BEST OR WHAT?

>> Alphonse: HE'S NOT THE BEST.

>> Trent: WE NEED TO TALK.

>> HEY, T-BAG, YOU GONNA KICK A

FEW BACK, OR DO COFFEE GUYS ONLY

DRINK EXPRESSO?

>> Trent: TAKE A WALK, TUCKER.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

OH, WHATEVER, MAN.

I WAS GONNA DANCE, ANYWAY.

MONSIEUR?

[ LAUGHS ]

>> Trent: LOOK, I LIED TO YOU.

THIS IS NOT A TRIP.

GUNNAR GEIRHART'S ABOARD.

>> Alphonse: [ LAUGHS ]

MAN, YOU FUNNY! STOP PLAYING.

>> Trent: DO I LOOK LIKE

JEFF DUNHAM?

'CAUSE I'M NOT JOKING.

SOBER UP QUICK.

TAKE HIM DOWN SOON.

>> Alphonse: OKAY, WELL, THAT

AIN'T HOW DRINKING WORKS, SO YOU

TAKE HIM DOWN SOON.

>> Piper: WE OUGHT TO FINISH

THESE FIRST, 'CAUSE WE ORDERED

THEM.

>> Sam: HOW'S THIS?

LET'S DO ANOTHER ONE.

>> Kove: NO, SAM, ENOUGH IS

ENOUGH.

WE'RE DONE HERE.

>> Sam: NO, NO. STAY.

UH, WE SHOULD STAY HERE.

>> Kove: NO, SAM, ENOUGH IS

ENOUGH.

>> Sam: BECAUSE I WANT TO MAKE

LOVE TO YOU.

>> Kove: SAMUEL!

>> Sam: OH, CRAP.

SHOULD WE MEET IN THE MIDDLE, OR

I'LL COME TO YOU?

>> Kove: SAMUEL...

WATCH OUT FOR THE PUFFY PAINT.

>> Sam: WELL, HERE WE GO.

[ ROBOT WHIRS ]

>> Trent: [ SNIFFS ]

MMM.

YOU KNOW, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU

DRESS UP, I'M STILL NOT GONNA

MARRY YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> I'M SO HEARTBROKEN.

BUT DO YOU THINK WE CAN WORK

TOGETHER AS PROFESSIONALS?

>> Trent: ALL DEPENDS ON YOU,

'CAUSE I GUARANTEE YOU SINCE THE

MOMENT YOU'VE LEFT, YOU'VE BEEN

THINKING ABOUT MY FLESH TOUCHING

YOUR FLESH AND CREATING A

WRITHING FLESHY PILE.

>> GROSS.

>> Trent: WOMEN.

>> 42 MINUTES, THIS SHIP IS IN

INTERNATIONAL WATERS.

GOOD LUCK.

>> Trent: SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

IT'S PRETTY DESPERATE.

JUST STOP IT.

>> Piper: WE'RE READY.

>> Trent: YOU STILL DRUNK?

>> Alphonse: "ARE YOU STILL

DRUNK?"

THIS DUDE.

>> Trent: GET IN POSITION.

DEAL US IN.

>> AGENT HAUSER, YOU CANNOT

ARREST ME.

INTERNATIONAL WATERS.

>> Trent: I'M NOT HERE TO ARREST

YOU.

I'M HERE TO PLAY A GAME.

YOU LIKE GAMES, DON'T YOU?

>> YES, I DO, WHEN THE DECK IS

STACKED IN MY FAVOR.

>> Trent: [ CHUCKLES ]

WELL, REMEMBER THIS -- THE HOUSE

ALWAYS WINS.

>> BUT NEITHER ONE OF US IS THE

HOUSE.

>> Trent: BUT I'M AGENT HAUSER.

>> IN GERMAN, MY NAME MEANS --

AND THIS IS THE LITERAL

TRANSLATION --

>> GENTLEMEN!

PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO PLAY

CARDS HERE.

>> Trent: SORRY. I'M SORRY.

>> I APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY.

>> Trent: APOLOGIZED FIRST,

SO...

>> I APOLOGIZE MORE.

>> Trent: I MEANT IT WHEN I

SAID --

>> MINE WAS ENTIRELY SINCERE.

>> Trent: YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET IT

REGISTER, REALLY.

YOU JUST SAID IT.

THAT WAS -- IT ISN'T AN APOLOGY

IF YOU DON'T ACTUALLY THINK

ABOUT IT.

>> OH, MY GOSH! OH, MY GOSH!

>> LEE WINS AGAIN.

>> I'VE NEVER PLAYED POKER

BEFORE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

>> NOW!

>> Trent: GAME'S UP, GEIRHART.

UNBEKNOWNST TO YOU, THIS SHIP IS

IN SAN DIEGO WATERS.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN DEALT A

FULL HOUSE.

>> A FULL HOUSE?

THAT'S A VERY GOOD HAND.

>> Trent: BUT I HAVE A STRAIGHT.

>> A FULL HOUSE BEATS A

STRAIGHT.

>> Trent: SO SAYS MRS. LEE.

>> WELL, I GUESS YOU HAVE

FINALLY GOT ME.

TIME TO GET OUT THE HANDCUFFS.

OH, BOY.

I WOULD REALLY HATE THE PRISON,

WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GOING.

>> Trent: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> YO MIGHT BE IN SAN DIEGO.

I AM STILL IN THE INTERNATIONAL

WATERS, OUT OF YOUR JURISDICTION

YET AGAIN.

>> Trent: SAM, IS THIS TRUE?

>> Sam: I'M PULLING IT UP.

ONE SECOND, TRENT.

>> Kove: WHERE ARE YOU, SAMMY?

>> Sam: KEEP LOOKING, MA'AM.

OOH.

[ COMPUTER BEEPING ]

YES, IT'S TRUE.

A SMALL PART OF THE SHIP IS

STILL IN INTERNATIONAL WATERS.

IF YOU ARREST HIM NOW, YOU COULD

CREATE AN INTERNATIONAL

INCIDENT.

WAIT, WAIT.

THE LINE -- THE LINE'S MOVING.

IT'S HEADING TOWARDS THE STERN.

GO.

OKAY, GO DOWN THE STAIRS.

SPLIT UP.

IT'S MOVING DOWN THE HALLWAY.

IT STOPPED AT THE ELEVATOR.

>> Trent: GOT YOU, YOU SON OF A

BITCH.

>> [ Singsong voice ] YOU CAN'T

CROSS THE LINE.

YOU CAN'T CROSS THE LINE.

>> Sam: NO, WAIT.

IT'S STILL MOVING.

IT'S ON THE MOVE AGAIN.

IT'S JUST NEAR HIS FEET.

JUST PAST THE BIRD -- THE BIG

BIRD.

IT'S ON THE MOVE AGAIN.

>> Trent: COME HERE!

>> Sam: IT'S JUST PAST THE LEMON

TREE.

>> Trent: WHICH ONE?

>> Sam: THE ONE ON THE RIGHT.

NO, NO, WAIT!

THE ONE ON THE LEFT!

IT'S ON THE MOVE AGAIN.

>> OH!

>> FREEZE!

>> OH!

>> [ GASPS ]

>> NOTHING PERSONAL.

>> OKAY.

[ GASPS ]

TRENT...

YOU WERE RIGHT.

I DID FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU.

>> Trent: I TOLD YOU SO.

>> WILL YOU TAKE CARE OF MY

BABY?

>> Trent: THAT WOULD BE...

EXTREMELY INCONVENIENT FOR ME.

>> OH.

>> FREE FOOD.

>> [ GRUNTS ]

>> Sam: TRENT, THE LINE'S RIGHT

ON HIM.

HE'S ALL YOURS, TRENT.

>> Trent: I TOLD YOU, GUNNAR.

>> NO! NO! NO! NO!

>> Trent: YOU SHOULD HAVE

FOLDED.

YOU'VE GOT A LOSING HAND.

[ SQUISH ]

[ GRUNTS ]

>> W-WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

>> Trent: STARBUCKS MANAGER!

>> Kove: WELL, YOU FINALLY GOT

YOUR MAN.

>> Trent: SORRY I HAD TO GO

BEHIND YOUR BACK.

>> Kove: NOT AT ALL.

THIS IS EXACTLY...

HOW I VISIONED IT.