Original subtitles

(NEW AGE MEDITATION MUSIC PLAYS)

(RAY SNIFFS, SWALLOWS)

(DOOR RATTLES)

Mate.

I just had the best idea for a new business.

You know how people like to make sex tapes?

Right. Fuck. What's this shit?

- Turn that shit off. - (MUSIC STOPS)

We go into business together, right?

Making home porn.

We go round to people's houses

with a camera, lights and all the gear

and shoot sex tapes.

Why would anybody want to do that?

Mate, people will love it.

I wouldn't.

Yeah, but you're a prude. Mate, this is a great idea.

You sure you don't want to get in on this?

I came up with a name for the business.

- (EXHALES) Mm-hm? - You ready?

Mm.

'Home-o Erotic'. Right?

But the 'homo' is spelt H-O-M-E-O.

Home-o Erotic. Get it?

Do you know what 'homoerotic' means?

Yeah.

It means 'gay'.

Like, gay sex.

Really?

Mm.

Oh, fuck.

It took me, like, an hour to come up with that.

(RAY GROANS)

(SIGHS)

GARY: It's gotta be...

... Gary's...

(CLICKS FINGERS)

'Gary's Glitter Productions'.

Hmm?

He was a pedo.

Oh. Yeah.

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Yeah, that wouldn't work.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

- Here we are. - Thanks a lot.

- Have a great day. - See you.

'Bye.

(LORIKEETS CHIRP)

(LIGHT ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Buy a new bag, you cheap bastard.

- Wow, look at you, eh? - (LAUGHS)

How you going, mate? All right?

What's this? When are you due?

- Piss off. - (LAUGHS)

- You good? - Oh, really good. Look at me.

So, when are you gonna come back and train?

Eh, I've been training at home.

So, how's Brucey?

He passed, mate, about a year ago.

Oh, shit.

- Yeah. - Sorry, mate.

Oh, I heard he wasn't too good.

- Yeah, yeah, so... - Ah, that's fucked.

Yeah, what are you gonna do, mate? You know...

You holding up all right?

Not too bad, you know.

COACH: Come on. Hands up, hands up.

This place hasn't changed.

Just how I like it.

How's Killy going? All right?

- He's good. Really good. - Yeah?

Yeah. So, what about you?

You still cracking heads?

- Every now and then. - You're not getting any younger.

What else am I gonna do?

Start a gym?

Yeah, but I gotta make some money.

There's more important things than money.

- Is there? - Yeah.

This place hasn't made me rich,

but I love what I do.

I love coming in here every day.

- It's my life. - Mm.

Do you love what you do, aside from money?

COACH: Come on!

Not particularly.

You've got to ask yourself, "Why am I doing it?"

- (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) - (LAID-BACK ROCK PLAYS)

(CHANTS) Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

(MAN DRUMS ON PANELLING)

(LORIKEETS CHIRP)

(FRIDGE HUMS)

(APPLE CRUNCHES)

Piu-piu! Piu-piu!

Piu!

Piu. (BLOWS)

(PISTOL CLICKS)

Thought you were pretty smart, didn't you?

Well, time to die.

(GUNSHOT BLASTS)

(DOGS BARK IN DISTANCE)

Oh, fuck.

(CAR APPROACHES)

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

Oh, shit.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- What's going on? - Nothing.

Couldn't get the passionfruit yoghurt, all right?

(SNIFFS) So...

(SNIFFS)

(SIGHS)

Hey.

Come inside.

(EXHALES)

'Sup?

You tell me.

What?

It's not mine.

Cut the crap, Princess.

It's yours, not mine.

Why are you such a smart-arse all of a sudden?

Why do you have a gun?

Doesn't matter why I got a gun.

What matters is you shouldn't be playing with it.

If you didn't have a gun,

then I wouldn't be playing with it, now, would I?

(EXHALES)

- So, where's the hole? - What hole?

The hole you made when you fired the pistol.

How do you know I fired it?

Smell the gunpowder.

So, why have you got a gun?

- Burglars. - Burglars?

Yeah, you know what burglars are, don't you?

Can we go shooting?

- Nup. - Why not?

'Cause I said.

Please!

Nup.

(SAFE BEEPS)

(LOCK CLICKS)

(SIGHS)

If you took me shooting,

then, you know, you can teach me and stuff.

Don't go in my room again, all right?

Huh? Don't eye-roll me.

- Cut it out, I said. - My eyes are closed.

How can I eye-roll when my eyes are closed?

I don't know, but I know you're doing it.

- What a jerk. - 'Scuse me?

Nothing.

(SIGHS)

How do I know your medicine is true medicine?

Very easy.

(MAN ON TV SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Get some 20 hunters with me.

When all is ready, I will rob the base...

(MAN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

There's a very pleasant cross-breeze

here at the ground...

Mm, Superman, right?

He's flying around, cruising around Metropolis,

looking for bad guys, right?

He's flying around, flying around.

And all of a sudden, he looks down.

- He sees Wonder Woman, right? - Mm, mm.

She's starkers.

Buck naked, all oiled up,

sunbaking on top of this building.

- Right? - Mm-hm. Mm.

Straightaway, instant boner.

Cracks a fat. Super fat, right?

He thinks to himself, "With my super speed,

"I could fly down there, root her,

"give her a quick couple of pumps

and then be out of there before she even knows what hit her."

- Huh? - Mm. Mm.

So, he zooms down, 10,000 miles an hour,

gives her a quick couple of pumps, blows his load

and he's gone in, like, half a second,

- right? - Yeah.

Wonder Woman jumps to her feet and goes,

"What the fuck was that?!"

The Invisible Man goes,

"I don't know, but my arsehole's fucking killing me."

(LAUGHS)

- Fucked him up the arse. - (CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

COMMENTATOR: ... beautifully, right off the meat of the bat.

Superman would be able to see him, though.

No, he wouldn't. He's invisible.

Yeah, but, like, in real life,

'cause he's got that fuckin', um, X-ray vision.

Yeah, but X-ray vision helps you to see through shit.

It doesn't help you to see stuff that's invisible.

What about that heat vision thing he's got?

He sees infrared

- and all that kind of crap. - Oh, mate,

it's a joke. It's a joke.

What does the Starship 'Enterprise'

and toilet paper have in common?

Don't know. What?

They both search Uranus for Klingons.

- Eh. - Don't like it?

Eh, it's not bad.

Superman joke's better.

Mm.

Oh, mate...

... I know you just got out,

- but I need you to do me a favour. - Here we go.

I need you to go to my house,

grab something for me.

What?

- You know my stash spot? - Mm.

I need you to go in there and grab the black plastic bag.

What's in it? Your pee-pee movies?

- No, I've already got those. - Oh, good.

- Just grab the black bag. - All right.

Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.

(LORIKEETS CHIRP)

(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)

('WHERE I STOOD' BY MISSY HIGGINS PLAYS ON STEREO)

_

In you come.

MISSY HIGGINS: ♪ And I don't know ♪

♪ If I could stand another hand upon you ♪

♪ All I know is that... ♪

Hello, Ray.

How you going?

Where are these things you need?

Basement.

After you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

You right?

Are you right?

Future's female, is it?

Sure is.

What's in the bag, Ray? Your pee-pee movies?

They were Gary's.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

How'd you go?

Tat's new boyfriend's a bit of a cunt.

Mm. Should have shot her.

Yeah.

So, what's this?

Open it.

What is it?

- A Vajankle. - A what?

A Vajankle.

What do you do with it?

You jerk off with it.

You've had your cock in this?

Yeah. Oi!

Here, here, here, have a look.

See? You put your cock in it.

You put your cock in this part with the vagina

and then you play with the foot.

What?

Why would you put your cock in a foot?

'Cause I've got a foot fetish.

(PHONE RINGS)

- You need help, mate. - (RINGING CONTINUES)

Don't knock it till you try it, Ray.

- Hello? - RAFAEL: Hey, Ray, you free?

Yeah, mate, what's up?

I've got a job for you.

Okay. What is it?

(ROLLER DOOR HUMS AND RATTLES)

This way.

Just down here.

(SNIFFS)

In here.

(LOW, AIRY CHORDS)

Just gonna stand there, are you?

What happened?

Does it fuckin' matter? Look, get this bitch out of here.

My folks are gonna be home in, like, an hour or so.

She's somebody's daughter, fuckhead.

Get around that side.

- Lift her up. - Yep.

(GRUNTS)

Go around.

(GRUNTS)

- Get the door. - Okay.

(DIALS PHONE)

(OUTBOUND PHONE CALL RINGS)

RAFAEL: How'd you go?

Yeah, good.

What do you want me to do with it?

Take it out to Dural. Bramble Road, lot three.

There's a piggery out the back of the farmhouse there.

Feed it to the pigs.

Okay.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(LOW, SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

RADIO HOST: Hey, Samantha C. How are you tonight?

SAMANTHA: Hello, Steve. Thanks for taking my call.

RADIO HOST: My pleasure, darling.

Now, tell us all how you met

your sweetheart, Lachlan C.

SAMANTHA: Well, I was on the train home one night

and I was carrying a big stack of stuff...

(PIGS SNORT AND SQUEAL)

SAMANTHA: ... between me and the groper

and kind of protected me, you know?

And that was Lachlan.

- RADIO HOST: Your knight in shining armour. - SAMANTHA: Yeah, we...

(PIGS SQUEAL)

(PIGS SQUEAL)

(PIGS SQUEAL AND SNORT)

(PIGS SQUEAL)

(SOW GRUNTS)

(RADIO CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

RADIO HOST: Samantha, this is a fantastic romantic story.

I really hope your fears are unfounded.

(SIGHS)

Stay with us here at Radio 1128 for better music like this:

'Stay With Me (Baby)', Lorraine Ellison.

(PIG GRUNTS NEARBY)

LORRAINE ELLISON: ♪ Where did you go ♪

♪ When things went wrong, baby? ♪

♪ Who did you run to... ♪

- (GRUNTS) - ♪ And find a shoulder ♪

♪ To lay your head upon? ♪

♪ Baby, wasn't I there? ♪

♪ Didn't I take good care of you? ♪

♪ No, no, I can't believe you're leaving me ♪

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

♪ Stay with me, baby ♪

♪ Please stay with me, baby ♪

♪ Oh, stay with me, baby ♪

♪ I can't go on ♪

♪ Who did you touch ♪

♪ When you needed tenderness? ♪

♪ I gave you so much ♪

♪ And in return ♪

♪ I found happiness... ♪