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[ HORNS BLARING ]
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>> Hyralius: [ Asian accent ]
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OH, NO!
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ROOK OUT BEROW!
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I CLUSH YOU RONG TIME!
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[ LAUGHS ]
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[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]
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OH! SO SOLLY!
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ME SO HORNY!
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[ LAUGHS ]
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HEY!
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NICE SHOOTING, TOJO!
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MAYBE YOU TRY NOT SQUINTING BOTH
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EYES WHEN YOU AIM.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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OH, BOY!
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I AM HYRALIUS!
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[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
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[ GONG! ]
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[ PEOPLE SCREAMING ]
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OOH! WHOO-HOO!
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SZECHUAN-STYLE!
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SPICY-HOT!
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>> THIS IS MOST TERRIBLE.
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THIS MONSTER IS WORSE THAN
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GODZILLA, MOTHRA, AND RODAN
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COMBINED.
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>> YES.
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HYRALIUS THREATENS TO DESTROY
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NOT ONLY OUR CITIES, BUT OUR
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ENTIRE CULTURE.
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>> Hyralius: [ LAUGHS ]
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TSK TSK TSK!
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TYPICAL ASIAN DRIVER!
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HEY!
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MAYBE YOU BETTER STICK TO THE
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LICKSHAW!
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[ METAL CLANGING ]
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OH!
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SOLLY ABOUT ALL THAT CLANGING.
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I'M JUST NAMING YOUR CHILDREN.
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THERE'S, UH, CLING CLANG,
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CLONG GONG, BING BOOM.
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[ LAUGHS ]
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>> OH! MONSTER!
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MOST RACIST MONSTER!
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>> GENERAL, AS DEVASTATING AS IT
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IS, YOUR MEN TO NEED TO CEASE
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FIRE.
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HYRALIUS MUST NOT BE KILLED
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BEFORE WE CAN STUDY HIM.
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SOMEHOW, WE OURSELVES HAVE MADE
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THIS MONSTER, NOT THE WESTERN
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WORLD.
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WE MUST LEARN WHY HE HAS RAISED
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HIS UGLY HEAD IN THE FIRST
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PLACE.
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>> BUT YOU'VE ALREADY TRIED
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EVERY KNOWN SCIENTIFIC METHOD --
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BOOING, SHAMING,
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RACIAL-SENSITIVITY WORKSHOPS.
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NOTHING HAS WORKED!
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>> YOU MUST GIVE ME TIME!
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>> DOCTOR, HUMILIATION IS THE
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GREATEST FEAR OF EVERY ASIAN.
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WELL, NOT EVERY ASIAN.
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I DON'T MEAN TO STEREOTYPE.
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I mean, it's mostly the Koreans,
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really.
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ANYWAY, WE'RE RIDDING OUR LAND
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OF THIS ABOMINATION ONCE AND FOR
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ALL.
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WE ARE SENDING HIM TO A PLACE
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WHERE HE'LL NEVER COME BACK --
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WHERE HE BELONGS.
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>> HE BELONGS HERE!
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HE IS OUR PROBLEM!
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>> ENOUGH!
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WE WILL LURE HYRALIUS INTO THE
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FRANKENHOLE BY MAKING A HOLOGRAM
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OF A GIANT CAMERA.
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HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RESIST
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SUCH A PERFECT COMEDIC PROP.
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>> YOU'LL JUST MAKE HIM STRONGER
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WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT!
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>> AIM THE HOLO-GUN 30 DEGREES
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LATITUDE, 20 LONGITUDE!
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[ CAR HORNS BLARING ]
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[ HOLO-GUN CREAKING ]
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FIRE!
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>> GOD HELP US.
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[ HOLOGRAM HUMMING ]
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>> Hyralius: OOH!
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CRICKY CRICKY CRICKY!
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SAY "TAIWANESE"!
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BIRD'S EYE!
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I MEAN, BANZAI!
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[ ENGINE SPUTTERING ]
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>> HURRY! WE'RE LATE!
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>> Frankenstein: HEY!
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I DON'T SEE HOW I'M IN CHARGE OF
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THE REFRESHMENTS WHEN YOU'RE THE
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ONE THAT HAS THE HOUSEWORK
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CHROMOSOME!
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>> BECAUSE EVERYBODY LOVES YOUR
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COOKIES!
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>> Frankenstein: GAH!
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WHY DO I HAVE TO BE GOOD AT
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EVERYTHING?!
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>> Hyralius: OH, NO!
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WHERE AM I?
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TOTO-SAN, ME NOT IN KANSASHIMA
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ANYMORE!
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>> WE MONSTERS NEED TO COME
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TOGETHER.
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>> YOU CHANGED BACK AGAIN!
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>> DAMN IT!
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HOLD ON.
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[ TWINKLE! ]
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>> [ As Mr. Hyde ] HOW'S THAT?
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>> Monsters: BETTER!
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>> COOL!
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WE NEED TO COME TOGETHER AS
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MONSTERS, FOR, YOU SEE, THERE'S
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A NEW CREATURE OUT THERE -- A
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VICIOUS, HORRIBLE CREATURE
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CALLED APATHY.
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>> THAT'S TOO SIMPLISTIC.
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THE NEW MONSTER IS MAN'S
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INHUMANITY TO MAN.
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>> HUMANS ARE THE REAL MONSTERS!
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WE'RE JUST COMING OFF AS SILLY
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TO EVERYONE.
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>> [ MUNCHING ]
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>> Frankenstein: NO MORE!
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YOU'VE ALREADY HAD THREE!
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>> I CAN'T HELP IT.
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I'M REALLY WRAPPED UP IN YOUR
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COOKIES.
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>> Frankenstein: SNORE!
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>> THE REAL QUESTION IS, HOW ARE
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WE GOING TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
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AGAIN?
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>> Frankenstein: HOW?!
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YOU GLORIOUS NINCOMPOOPS!
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HOW ABOUT BY NOT HOLDING THESE
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INANE TOWN HALL MEETINGS?
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[ Mockingly ] OH!
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ORGANIZED GATHERINGS ARE REALLY
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SCARY!
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[ Normal voice ] THIS REGION HAS
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BECOME FAR TOO DOMESTICATED.
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WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING TO SHAKE
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THINGS UP!
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[ RUMBLING ]
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[ GLASS SHATTERING ]
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>> WHOA, MAN!
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DID THE GOLDARN PLACE JUST
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SHAKE?
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>> YEAH, BRAH.
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>> LOOK! OUT THERE!
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A GIANT, GOOFY CREATURE!
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>> Hyralius: AW!
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BLOO-HOO!
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MY OWN PEOPLE SCORN ME!
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ME NO LIKED ANYMO--
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I MEAN, RIKED ANYMORE!
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ME NO RIKED!
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BLOO-HOO!
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>> LOOK AT THAT THING!
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SO FAKE-LOOKING, EVEN!
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>> YOU CAN PRACTICALLY SEE THE
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ZIPPER!
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>> THOSE TEETH ARE PRETTY SCARY,
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THOUGH.
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>> All: YEAH, SCARY TEETH.
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>> NO!
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THOSE TEETH ARE NOT ENOUGH!
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THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF
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THING THAT WILL LAUGH US RIGHT
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OUT OF THE SPOOKY WORLD!
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>> LET'S KI-I-ILL IT!
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>> Monsters: YEAH! KILL IT!
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>> NO!
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HYRALIUS MUST BE TAKEN ALIVE!
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>> WHO ARE YOU?!
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>> I AM DR. YAKIMA ORIGAMI.
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[ GONG! ]
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I HAVE COME FROM MY HOME IN
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JAPAN IN SEARCH OF THIS MONSTER.
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>> UM, I WOULDN'T NECESSARILY
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CALL THAT THING A MONSTER.
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>> HE IS A MONSTER TO EVERY
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ASIAN.
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HE STRIKES FEAR AND HORROR
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WHEREVER HE GOES.
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>> Monsters: REALLY?
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DO TELL, DO TELL.
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>> SUFFICE IT TO SAY, HE HAS
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TERRORIZED ALL OF ASIA FOR
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YEARS.
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THERE WILL BE NO REST UNTIL WE
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STUDY HIM AS ONE STUDIES A VIRUS
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OR A PART IN A SCHOOL PLAY.
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>> AND WE SHOULD STUDY HIM, TOO,
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SO WE CAN LEARN HOW TO AT LEAST
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SCARE ASIAN PEOPLE.
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>> WELL, THEN, LET'S JUST CATCH
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THE SUCKER.
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>> YEAH, BRAHS.
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LET'S MAKE A REALLY BIG FORTUNE
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COOKIE AND LURE THAT BADASS INTO
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A REALLY BIG CAGE.
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>> IT'S NOT SO EASY.
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WE'VE ALREADY FOOLED HIM WITH
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DECOYS.
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HE'LL NOT SO EASILY BE TRICKED
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AGAIN.
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>> Frankenstein: STAND ASIDE,
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ORIGAMI.
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WHAT YOU NEED HERE IS A MAD
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SCIENTIST!
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IT WILL BE THE MOST DELICIOUS
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FORTUNE COOKIE I HAVE EVER
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BAKED!
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>> THE BEST!
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ARIGATO, HAI!
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ARIGATO, ARIGATO, ARIGATO, HAI!
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ARIGATO, ARIGATO, ARIGATO, HAI!
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ARIGATO, ARIGATO, ARIGATO, HAI!
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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ARIGATO, ARIGATO, ARIGATO, HAI!
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HAI!
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ARIGATO, ARIGATO, ARIGATO, HAI!
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HAI!
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ARIGATO, ARIGATO, ARIGATO-O-O-O!
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>> Frankenstein: THERE!
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THIS WILL WORK PERFECTLY.
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>> I DON'T KNOW.
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>> Frankenstein: BECAUSE YOU'RE
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DUMB.
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THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T KNOW.
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>> WELL...
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>> Frankenstein: NO! ADMIT IT!
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YOU'RE DUMB.
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>> LET'S JUST SAY I HOPE IT
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WORKS -- FOR BOTH OUR CULTURES.
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>> Frankenstein: YGOR!
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TURN ON THE FANS!
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>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT
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IT!
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[ METAL CLANKS, ENGINE WHIRS ]
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>> Hyralius: OH, ME SO RONELY.
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NOBODY ALOUND TO JOKE TO.
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[ SNIFFS ]
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MMM! WHAT'S THAT I SMERR?
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FORTUNE CLOOKIE!
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FORTUNE CLOOKIE! YAY! YAY!
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FORTUNE CLOOKIE!
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FORTUNE CLOOKIE! YAY! YAY!
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[ Singsong voice ] OH, RITTLE
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FORTUNE CLOOKIE!
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HERE I CO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ME!
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>> Frankenstein: [ CHUCKLES ]
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IT'S WORKING! YEAH!
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[ CRUNCH! CRUNCH! ]
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00:06:41,933 --> 00:06:45,103
>> MMM! NUM, NUM, NUM!
268
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,130
LET'S SEE FORTUNE!
269
00:06:46,133 --> 00:06:47,633
>> Frankenstein: OKAY, HERE'S
270
00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:48,733
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
271
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:49,773
>> Hyralius: WHAT?
272
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:52,797
NO! THIS CAN'T BE!
273
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,070
I AM BEING HONORED AS BEST ASIAN
274
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:56,567
MONSTER OF THE YEAR?
275
00:06:56,567 --> 00:06:58,727
>> Frankenstein: THAT'S RIGHT!
276
00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:00,733
HYRALIUS -- MUTANT MONSTER!
277
00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,573
YOU ARE THE WINNER OF THE
278
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:04,497
B.A.M.M.Y. AWARD!
279
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:07,300
>> Hyralius: WHAT? WHO? ME?
280
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:08,200
THE B.A.M.M.Y.?
281
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:08,930
[ APPLAUSE ]
282
00:07:08,933 --> 00:07:09,433
OH!
283
00:07:09,433 --> 00:07:11,203
[ American accent ] WOW.
284
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,600
OH, THIS IS GREAT.
285
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,500
[ CLONG! ]
286
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,100
WHOO!
287
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,130
MAN, THIS IS SUCH AN HONOR.
288
00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:17,003
IT REALLY IS.
289
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,670
>> Frankenstein: IN YOUR FACE!
290
00:07:18,667 --> 00:07:20,427
WE CAPTURED HIM. YOU'RE WELCOME.
291
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:21,103
>> NO.
292
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,730
WE ARE HIS CAPTIVES --
293
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,303
HIS CAPTIVE AUDIENCE.
294
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:25,000
JUST OBSERVE.
295
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,070
>> Hyralius: [ SIGHS ]
296
00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:27,467
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I'D LIKE TO
297
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:28,727
THANK THE LETTER "L" AND THE
298
00:07:28,733 --> 00:07:30,203
LETTER "R" FOR SWITCHING PLACES.
299
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:30,730
NO, WAIT.
300
00:07:30,733 --> 00:07:32,573
I MEAN, THE LETTER "R" AND THE
301
00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:33,427
LETTER "L."
302
00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:34,373
[ LAUGHTER ]
303
00:07:34,367 --> 00:07:36,197
GOSH. NOW I'M REALLY CONFUSED.
304
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,070
[ LAUGHTER ]
305
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,827
>> THIS GUY'S NOT THAT SCARY,
306
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,503
BUT HE REALLY IS HILARIOUS!
307
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,230
>> YOU HAVE IT BACKWARDS, MY
308
00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:42,673
FRIEND.
309
00:07:42,667 --> 00:07:43,367
HE IS HYRALIUS.
310
00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:44,597
HE IS THE MOST FRIGHTFUL THING
311
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:45,400
KNOWN TO MANKIND.
312
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,130
BUT HE'S A HACK.
313
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,433
>> Hyralius: OH, LET ME GET THIS
314
00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:47,933
MASK OFF.
315
00:07:47,933 --> 00:07:49,173
>> Frankenstein: OH, HE'S TAKING
316
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:49,797
OFF HIS MASK!
317
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,100
Shh!
318
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:51,170
I WANT TO HEAR WHAT HE SAYS
319
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,667
NEXT.
320
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:54,497
>> Hyralius: BUT SERIOUSLY...
321
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,470
YOU KNOW, I'M NOTHING BUT PROUD
322
00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:58,267
OF MY PEOPLE AND MY CULTURE.
323
00:07:58,267 --> 00:08:00,167
SO IT JUST SEEMS STRANGE THAT
324
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:02,067
THE SOURCE OF THAT PRIDE WOULD
325
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,067
STAND IN THE WAY OF ME MAKING MY
326
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:04,727
LIVING.
327
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:06,403
I MEAN, LOOK -- ALL I REALLY
328
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,130
WANT TO DO IS FEED MY WIFE AND
329
00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:09,933
KIDS, GIVE THEM A GOOD LIFE,
330
00:08:09,933 --> 00:08:11,103
A GOOD, LOVING HOME.
331
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:12,630
AND IF I CAN DO THAT WITH MY
332
00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:14,333
WACKY SHTICK, I MEAN, WHY NOT?
333
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:15,903
WHO CARES IF THE WAY I SMASH
334
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:17,630
SCHOOL BUSES AND GET TANGLED IN
335
00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:19,103
HIGH-VOLTAGE WIRES IS BY
336
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:20,870
WEARING BUCK TEETH AND A POINTY,
337
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:21,497
ROUND HAT?
338
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:22,970
I MEAN, THAT'S HOW I BRING HOME
339
00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:24,867
THE BACON.
340
00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:27,797
LAUGHTER BREEDS LOVE, PEOPLE,
341
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,170
AND THAT'S ALL I WANT.
342
00:08:30,167 --> 00:08:31,667
[ SNIFFLES ]
343
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:34,597
I'M JUST A HACK WHO WANTS LOVE.
344
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,100
OKAY?
345
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,930
WE LIVE IN A CULTURE OF WARS AND
346
00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:41,073
OF GENOCIDE, AND...
347
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:42,567
IT'S JUST AN ACCENT, PEOPLE.
348
00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:45,667
GET OVER IT.
349
00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,827
JUST GET OVER YOURSELF.
350
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:51,273
[ SNIFFLES ]
351
00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:53,527
I KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
352
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,433
I'M A DOCTOR.
353
00:08:57,867 --> 00:08:59,297
WELL, RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU
354
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,200
HAVE A TERMINAL DEGREE.
355
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,697
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
356
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:06,730
[ ALL SNIFFLE ]
357
00:09:06,733 --> 00:09:07,703
>> HE'S RIGHT.
358
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,570
WHO CARES HOW STUPID WE LOOK, AS
359
00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:11,297
LONG AS OUR PEOPLE DON'T COME
360
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,830
OFF AS VIOLENT AND SCARY.
361
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:13,803
>> AND HE'S SO
362
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,600
RIDICULOUS-LOOKING, WE'LL ONLY
363
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,400
LOOK SCARIER TO EVERYONE ELSE.
364
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,370
HE'S A TRUE MARTYR TO OUR CAUSE.
365
00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:22,997
>> Frankenstein: ATTABOY,
366
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:23,770
HYRALIUS!
367
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:24,397
ATTABOY.
368
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,070
>> Hyralius: OKAY, ANYWAY, UH,
369
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,497
THANKS TO MY BODY DOUBLE,
370
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,230
CAM LEEBURG, MY MOM AND MY DAD,
371
00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:30,773
AND, OF COURSE, THIS LITTLE
372
00:09:30,767 --> 00:09:32,167
KNUCKLEHEAD RIGHT HERE.
373
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:32,927
[ LAUGHS ]
374
00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:33,833
LOVE YOU ALL!
375
00:09:33,833 --> 00:09:36,733
NO TICKY NO RAUNDRY, PEOPLE!
376
00:09:36,733 --> 00:09:37,573
[ GROWLING ]
377
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:38,027
YEAH!
378
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,603
GONNA TAKE THIS LITTLE BABY
379
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,470
HOME AND SHOW IT A GOOD TIME.
380
00:09:41,467 --> 00:09:42,727
[ LAUGHTER ]
381
00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:44,373
ME SO HORNY!
382
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:46,797
OH, ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!
383
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,700
THANK YOU, GUYS.
384
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,200
THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU.
385
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,670
WHOO!
386
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:51,867
YEAH!
387
00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:54,227
WE DID IT!
388
00:09:54,233 --> 00:09:56,803
WHOO! YEAH!
389
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,630
YEAH!
390
00:10:40,633 --> 00:10:41,473
>> HI. KEN HERE.
391
00:10:41,467 --> 00:10:42,397
IT'S A GOOD-A SHOW.
392
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:43,100
CAN I GO NOW?
393
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,600
>> YEAH, YEAH. YOU'RE DONE.
23749
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