Original subtitles

>> [ HUMMING ]

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[ SIGHS ]

I KNOW YOU'RE THERE, GRIFFIN.

I MEAN, I SUPPOSE IF YOU WEREN'T

AT THIS POINT, I'D BE INSULTED.

[ SIGHS ]

TOWEL, PLEASE.

>> [ GROAN ]

OH!

WHOOPS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> AHH, OOH-OOH!

HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?

>> BECAUSE YOU'RE A PERVERT.

THAT'S HOW.

YOU'RE ALWAYS HERE WHEN I

BATHE.

>> SO, I SUPPOSE I SHOULD BE

TAKING A NICE LEISURELY STROLL

OUTSIDE INSTEAD.

>> GOD FORBID.

>> HA!

YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BEING

INVISIBLE.

IT'S A BLOODBATH OUT THERE --

BIRD AND BUGS!

>> IT'LL BE A BLOODBATH IN HERE

IF VICTOR CATCHES YOU.

YOU KNOW HOW UNBELIEVABLY

JEALOUS HE GETS.

>> HA! JUST LET HIM CATCH ME!

I'M THE INVISIBLE MAN!

[ LAUGHS MANICALLY ]

>> Frankenstein: HOW DARE YOU?!

>> I DIDN'T TOUCH HER!

>> DEAR, PLEASE.

I'M NAKED.

>> SO AM I!

>> Frankenstein: ME JEALOUS?

HA!

THAT'S A REAL LAUGH, ELIZABETH!

A REAL LAUGH!

I MEAN, "A," I AM A HANDSOME,

YOUNG, IMMORTAL GENIUS WHO IS

THREATENED BY ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!

AND "B," JEALOUSY IS A WASTE OF

BRAIN ACTIVITY!

I HAVE MANY MORE IMPORTANT

THINGS TO DO THAN BE

"UNBELIEVABLY JEALOUS"!

>> [ Flatly ] OKAY.

YOU CAUGHT ME.

>> Frankenstein: HELLO, GRIFFIN.

HOPE YOU'RE WELL.

>> UM, I'M OKAY, I GUESS.

>> Frankenstein: GOOD, GOOD!

OFF TO WORK!

TAKE CARE, OLD BOY!

>> HEY!

>> HA HA!

>> WHAT?!

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

>> LIKE WHAT?

>> MEN.

>> SERIOUSLY, LIKE WHAT?

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> [ PANTING ]

>> HEY, MAN.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU BELONGED TO

THIS HEALTH CLUB.

>> Frankenstein: [ SIGHS ]

WITH ALL THE TIME ELIZABETH

SPENDS IN OUR BATHROOM, I NEED A

MEMBERSHIP HERE JUST TO MAKE MY

LITTLE DOODY.

>> LITTLE DOODY?!

VICTOR, IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL

YOUR SCRAWNY GENITALIA THAT IS

NOW WITHERING PATHETICALLY IN

THE PRESENCE OF MY OVERGROWN

MEMBER?

>> Frankenstein: IT'S NOT EVEN

THAT BIG OF A DIFFERENCE.

>> WELL, WITH THE LADIES, EVEN A

SMIDGEN HELPS TO...

SQUIDGE 'EM!

>> Frankenstein: "SQUIDGE 'EM"?

WHAT LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING?

>> LOOK AT YOU!

HE IS SO JEALOUS, KNOWING THAT

THIS BIG FELLER OF MINE HAS BEEN

INSIDE YOUR WIFE!

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU DOUGHNUT!

[ SCREECHES ]

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S THE

SECOND TIME TODAY SOMEONE'S

INSINUATED THAT I WAS JEALOUS.

FIRST ELIZABETH WITH THE

INVISIBLE MAN...

>> THAT GUY?

MAN, I SAW HIM WHEN HE WAS

VISIBLE, AND THAT DUDE NEEDED A

NOSE JOB LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

>> Frankenstein: AND SHE THOUGHT

I'D BE JEALOUS OF HIM!

>> LOOK, MAN, IF YOU DON'T ACT

JEALOUS, HELL, THAT'S PROOF

ENOUGH, AIN'T IT?

>> Frankenstein: YOU'RE RIGHT,

JOE.

MY ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN MY

WORDS.

IN FACT, I'LL EVEN TAKE FURTHER

ACTION AND TAKE OUT A SINGLES AD

IN THE LOCAL PAPER SOLICITING

MEN TO COME AND HAVE SEX WITH MY

WIFE!

>> I THINK THAT MIGHT BE GOIN'

JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO FAR.

>> Frankenstein: NONSENSE!

YGOR, WRITE THIS DOWN!

"WANTED -- ANY AND ALL MEN TO

HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH MY

LOVING AND CARING WIFE.

NO STRINGS OR JEALOUSY

ATTACHED!"

OH!

AH, HELLO, GRIFFIN.

WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU.

>> OH?

GOOD, I HOPE.

>> Frankenstein: WELL, YOU

INSPIRED THIS AD I'M PUTTING IN

THE LOCAL PAPER FOR MEN TO COME

AROUND MY PLACE TO SCREW

ELIZABETH.

>> REALLY?

COUNT ME IN.

[ WHISTLE! ]

>> Frankenstein: [ SHUDDERS ]

OH, MY GOD! IT'S HUGE!

>> WHAT?

>> Frankenstein: UM, YOUR NOSE.

>> DAMN STEAM!

YOU DON'T HAVE A STREAM BATH IN

YOUR HOUSE, DO YOU?

>> Frankenstein: NO.

>> OH, GREAT!

DON'T LET ME STOP YOU WRITING

THAT AD.

>> Frankenstein: HUH?

OH, OH. YES, YES.

[ CHUCKLES ]

QUITE RIGHT.

UM...

"MY WIFE IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL AND

HEALTHY FEMALE.

NO STDs.

ALTHOUGH, SHE...IS...

ALLERGIC TO LARGE PENISES!"

YES!

"SO NONE OF THOSE PLEASE.

ALL OTHERS INTERESTED, COME AND

GET IT THIS FRIDAY NIGHT!"

YGOR, WRITE DOWN MY ADDRESS AND

CALL IT IN TO THE PAPER FOR

IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION!

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT.

>> SO, HOW LARGE A PENIS IS SHE

ALLERGIC TO?

>> Frankenstein: OH, ABOUT,

UH...THIIIIIIIIS BIG.

[ TING! ]

>> OH.

>> Frankenstein: [ CHUCKLES ]

SORRY, OLD CORK.

[ BIRD CHIRPS ]

>> OW!

DAMN IT!

KICK YOU IN THE WATER!

[ SIGHS ]

>> COME ON, KITTY!

>> MEOW.

>> HELLO, LITTLE PEASANT GIRL.

>> OH!

WHO'S THERE?

>> ME, JACK GRIFFIN.

THE INVISIBLE MAN!

>> ARE YOU A MONSTER?

>> OH, HO, HO, HEAVENS, NO!

I'M A BRILLIANT MAD SCIENTIST

WHO HAS CREATED A SERUM FOR

INVISIBILITY.

UNFORTUNATELY, I'VE YET TO

CREATE A SERUM FOR...

VISIBILITY.

>> YOU DON'T NEED A SERUM FOR

THAT!

>> NOT MOST PEOPLE, NO.

BUT I DO.

>> MEOW.

>> AND YET I STILL ENJOY LIFE,

AND THOUGH I'M INVISIBLE, IT'S

BETTER THAN MOST HAVE IT AROUND

HERE.

I MEAN, I'M INVISIBLE, YES, BUT

AT LEAST I'M NOT AN UGLY

MONSTER.

>> WERE YOU UGLY WHEN YOU

WEREN'T INVISIBLE?

>> MEOW.

>> EH, I...

NO.

I DID ALL RIGHT, UH, DATED A

LITTLE.

WENT STEADY WITH A CUTE-ENOUGH

BIRD, YOU KNOW.

SHE WAS FINE.

I, UH [CHUCKLES] I THINK SHE

BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE I WAS

OBSESSED WITH MY WORK.

>> REALLY?

>> MEOW?

>> I SAID "I THINK"!

>> MEOW!

>> SORRY!

SO, HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR CLOTHES

INVISIBLE?

>> MEOW?

>> HOW'S THAT?

>> WELL, A SERUM'S NOT A POTION.

WHEN YOU DRINK IT, IT GOES INTO

YOUR BODY, NOT YOUR CLOTHES.

>> MEOW.

>> YEAH.

THAT'S TRUE, I, UH, SUPPOSE.

>> SO...

>> MEOW...

>> WELL, MY CLOTHES AREN'T

INVISIBLE, PER SE.

>> MEOW?

>> I...

TAKE THEM OFF.

>> WAIT, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT

YOU'RE TALKING TO A POOR LITTLE

PEASANT GIRL WHILE YOU'RE...

NAKED?

>> MEOW?

>> YES.

>> AAH!

>> ALL RIGHT! I'M LEAVING!

DON'T SCREAM!

OW! OUCH!

OH, BUGS IN MY TEETH!

[ SPITS ]

>> Frankenstein: [ LAUGHS

MANIACALLY ]

OH, THIS IS EXCELLENT!

>> WHAT'S SO EXCELLENT?

>> OOH, OOH!

UM, UH, J-J-JUST THE OBITUARIES!

DO YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE

ACTUALLY DIED OF OLD AGE?

IN OUR LITTLE TOWN!

>> IMAGINE THAT!

LET ME SEE.

>> Frankenstein: OH [LAUGHS]

[ STAMMERING ]

>> THOSE AREN'T THE OBITUARIES!

YOU'RE READING THE SINGLES ADS!

>> Frankenstein: ARE THEY?

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

WELL [STAMMERING]

AAH!

>> ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME

JEALOUS?

>> Frankenstein: NO, NO!

THE OPPOSITE.

>> WELL, I AM NOT GOING TO STICK

AROUND HERE AND BE MADE A FOOL

OF!

GOODBYE!

>> Frankenstein: NO, WAIT!

ELIZABETH!

I NEED YOU HERE TONIGHT!

OH, DOODY!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> WHOA!

FRANKENSTEIN'S GIVING AWAY FREE

MUFF TONIGHT AT HIS PLACE FOR

ANYONE WITH AN

UNDER-AVERAGE-SIZE DONG!

>> LET'S GO!

>> YEAH! I'VE GOT A LITTLE ONE!

>> OH, YEAH?

YOU, TOO?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> AAAAAHHH!

>> MARINA! SHUT UP!

YOU HAVE TO STOP ALL THIS

SCREAMING!

>> FATHER, THE INVISIBLE MAN!

HE SCARED ME!

>> SO WHAT?

THAT'S WHAT MONSTERS DO FOR A

LIVING -- SCARE!

>> WELL, BUT HE --

HE WAS NAKED, PAPA!

[ CRYING ]

>> W-W-WHAT?!

BURN THE INVISIBLE MAN!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ FIRE CRACKLING ]

>> GET THE NAKED ONE!

>> MEOW.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> COME ON, BRAH!

WE'RE HORNY OUT HERE!

>> SINGLE FILE.

ONE AT A TIME.

UNZIP YOUR FLIES SO I CAN SEE

YOUR MINISCULE MANHOOD.

[ ZIP! ]

TOO BIG.

>> THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID, BRAH.

>> Frankenstein: ANY SIGN OF

ELIZABETH?

>> NOT HIDE NOR HAIR.

>> Frankenstein: DAMN IT!

I'VE GOT DOZENS OF IMPATIENT

LITTLE PENISES IN THERE!

>> OH, YES. THE SMALLEST.

>> YEAH, IT'S TINY!

WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

>> I CAN'T EVEN SEE MINE.

>> Frankenstein: OOH,

EVERYTHING'S SO PERFECT!

IF ONLY ELIZABETH --

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

OH, THERE YOU ARE!

>> ALLERGIC TO LARGE PENISES?!

>> Frankenstein: DON'T TURN THIS

ON ME!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

>> FOILED AGAIN, FRANKENSTEIN!

I TOOK HER TO A TAFFY PULL!

>> Frankenstein: SOUNDS YUMMY.

NOW GET IN THERE AND LET ME

PROVE TO YOU THAT I'M NOT

JEALOUS!

>> I AM NOT GOING IN THERE!

>> Frankenstein: OH, YES, YOU

ARE!

BECAUSE I...AM...OPEN!

>> WELL, MY LEGS ARE NOT!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

>> SORRY, VICTOR, BUT I HAVE TO

GO IN YOUR CASTLE!

>> Frankenstein: HOLD UP!

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING,

GRIFFIN?

I TOLD YOU ABOUT ELIZABETH'S

CONDITION!

>> I GOT A REDUCTION!

LET ME THROUGH!

>> Frankenstein: OH, OKAY.

UH, OFF YOU GO THEN.

>> [ PANTING ]

>> HE'S IN THERE!

BLOW UP THE CASTLE!

>> HE'S IN THERE!

HE'S IN THERE!

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

NOW BLOW IT UP!

OH, HELL YES!

>> Both: NO!

>> WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

YOUR JEALOUSY OF LARGER PENISES

KILLED A HUGE PERCENTAGE OF THE

TOWN'S MALE POPULATION.

>> CORRECTION!

YOU HAVE KILLED OFF EVERY MAN

WITH SMALLER PENIS THAN YOU.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES,

MR. SMALLEST PENIS IN THE TOWN

NOW?!

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU DOUGHNUT!

[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]

>> [ GROANS ]

[ GROANING CONTINUES ]

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[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

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[ WHIMPERS ]