Original subtitles

>> Both: * ...YOU

>> Frankenstein: HMPH.

>> NOW, THEN, BLOW OUT THE

CANDLES.

>> OH! OH!

PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!

>> BUT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY.

>> Frankenstein: "CREATED BY A

MAN DAY" PARTY.

>> [ EXHALING SHARPLY ]

>> [ CLAPS ]

YAY!

WHAT DID YOU WISH FOR?

>> NO! DON'T ASK HIM THAT!

>> I BESEECHED THE BIRTHDAY GODS

TO GRANT ME THE ONLY THING I

EVER WANTED, YET HAVE NEVER

POSSESSED.

>> Frankenstein: HERE WE GO!

EVERY YEAR!

>> MY ONLY WISH IS TO KNOW FROM

WHENCE I CAME.

FOR THEN, I WILL COME TO KNOW MY

PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE.

ALL I WANT IS...

>> Both: AN IDENTITY.

>> Frankenstein: IT'S NOT

OFFICIALLY HIS BIRTHDAY UNTIL

HE RUINS IT!

>> YOU CANNOT FATHOM PAIN SUCH

AS MINE.

>> Frankenstein: LOOK, WE ALL

WANT SOMETHING WE CAN'T HAVE.

TAKE ME, FOR INSTANCE.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MANAGE A

BAND.

>> YOU HAVE?

>> Frankenstein: YEE, KIND OF.

>> KIND OF?!

I DON'T KIND OF WANT TO KNOW

FROM WHENCE I CAME!

>> YOU KNOW, WE CONSIDER

OURSELVES YOUR FAMILY.

>> YES, AND I VALUE THAT, BUT

THOU ARE NOT OF MY BLOOD, MY

GENETICS.

>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT!

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU CAME

FROM?!

TORSO, LEFT LEG, RIGHT LEG, LEFT

ARM, MOST OF FACE, RIGHT ARM,

REST OF FACE AND BRAIN.

THERE! HAPPY?

>> NO, FOR NOW I SEE THAT IT IS

MY LOT TO HAVE BEEN ORPHANED BY

SO MANY LOVED ONES.

>> Frankenstein: LOVED ONES?

[ CHUCKLES ]

ARE YOU NUTS?

THESE PEOPLE DID NOT EXACTLY

VOLUNTEER THEIR PARTS, YOU KNOW.

>> YOU MEAN, YOU MURDERED WHAT

WAS LEFT OF MY FAMILY?!

>> Frankenstein: YOU ARE REALLY

SOMETHING.

YES, I MURDERED SOME OF THEM --

TO GIVE YOU LIFE FROM THE DEAD,

NITWIT!

>> THEN YOU CAN GIVE THEM THEIR

LIVES BACK.

BRING THEM TO LIFE SO THAT WE

CAN REUNITE.

>> Frankenstein: [ GRUNTING ]

OKAY. I WILL MAKE YOU A DEAL.

IF I BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE,

DO YOU PROMISE TO SHUT UP --

AND I MEAN A-SHUUUUUUUUUT UP --

ABOUT YOUR IDENTITY CRISIS FOR

ALL ETERNITY?

>> OH, YES! YES! I DO PROMISE!

[ CRUNCH! ]

DEEP IN MY SOUL, I ALWAYS --

>> Frankenstein: STARTING NOW!

YGOR, START DIGGING!

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> VICTOR SAYS THE BODIES ARE

PREPARED AND READY TO BE

REVIVED.

>> [ INHALES SHARPLY ]

VERY NERVOUS HERE.

>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO WHEN

I'M NERVOUS?

I GO...

[ SPEAKING GIBBERISH ]

>> [ SPEAKING GIBBERISH ]

>> BETTER?

>> NO.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

WHAT IF THEY REJECT ME?

>> NOW, WHY WOULD ANYONE REJECT

YOU?

COME ON!

>> Frankenstein: CREATURE, ALLOW

ME TO SHOW YOU FROM WHENCE YOU

CAME!

I GIVE YOU...

AN ODD COLLECTION OF STRANGERS!

>> [ GASPS ]

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

MY PARTS CAME FROM THIS HANDSOME

ARRAY OF CORPSES?

>> Frankenstein: YES.

NOW, SINCE YOU ARE AN AMALGAM

OF ALL OF THEM, THEY CAN ONLY

BE BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE IF YOU

ARE ALL WIRED TOGETHER.

YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE THE BATTERY

THAT WILL POWER THEM.

ARE YOU READY?

>> [ SPEAKING GIBBERISH ]

>> I AM READY.

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

AAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAH!

>> Frankenstein: THEY'RE ALIVE.

[ ALL MOANING ]

ALI-I-I-I-I-I-VE!

>> OH, SALUTATIONS.

IT IS AN HONOR TO MEET ALL OF

YOU.

[ INHALES SHARPLY ]

MY FAMILY.

>> HMM.

FUNNY -- YOU DON'T LOOK JEWISH.

NONE OF YA.

>> OH, MY LEFT LEG IS.

>> YEAH, MY LEFT LEG USED TO BE.

NOW, WHERE IS THE KAFAFTA THING?

>> RIGHT HERE -- ON ME.

>> WHAT?!

>> UM, HI.

MY NAME IS

ELIZABETH FRANKENSTEIN, AND MY

HUSBAND, VICTOR, HERE...

>> Frankenstein: HI.

>> ...CREATED THIS LIVING

CREATURE OUT OF YOUR DEAD FLESH.

>> WOW. THAT'S DEPRESSING.

>> YEAH! I NEED MY PECS AND ABS.

>> AND I'D LIKE THE REST OF MY

FACE FOR A PTA MEETING.

>> WHLAAAAH...

CARPET NICKELS.

>> I'M GETTING UNHOOKED FROM

THIS GOLEM RIGHT NOW!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

>> NO!

I'LL NEVER LET ANY OF YOU DIE!

YOU'RE MY FAMILY.

[ SOBBING ]

>> WILL YOU DO SOMETHING?

>> Frankenstein: WHAT?

IT'S GOING FINE!

THEY'RE A PERFECTLY NORMAL

DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.

>> [ Sternly ] VICTOR.

>> Frankenstein: OH, ALL RIGHT!

EVERYONE, PLEASE!

YES, YOU ARE ALL DIFFERENT.

THAT'S TRUE.

BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES A FAMILY

RICH WITH POSSIBILITIES.

YOU MUST FIND A COMMON INTEREST.

>> HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED

TO DO THAT?

>> Frankenstein: NOW, HERE I

HAVE A BOOK OF EVERY POSSIBLE

INTEREST KNOWN TO MANKIND.

I'M GOING TO SIT HERE AND READ

OFF THE LIST UNTIL YOU ALL AGREE

ON ONE OF THEM.

OKAY.

"AARDVARK ANTICS."

>> AH!

OOH.

>> Frankenstein: "AARDVARK

BURGERS."

>> AH! OOH.

>> Frankenstein: OOH!

"AARDVARK CINEMA."

>> SKIP THE AARDVARKS!

>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT, ALL

RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

"ABDOMINAL ATHLETICS."

>> HMM?

>> Frankenstein: "SINGAPOREAN

XYLOPHONES."

>> MM.

>> Frankenstein: OOH, OOH!

"SINGAPOREAN YARN."

>> I CAN PROBABLY GET INTO THAT.

>> OOH! ME TOO!

>> Frankenstein: GREAT!

ANYONE ELSE?

>> MNH-MNH.

>> Frankenstein: OH, COME ON!

OPEN YOUR MINDS, PEOPLE!

NO ONE?

FINE!

"SINGAPOREAN ZOOS."

>> MM...

>> Frankenstein: "SINGING."

>> OH!

I USED TO BE IN A CHURCH CHOIR!

THAT WAS FUN!

* DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO

>> Frankenstein: YES.

YES, YES, YES! GOOD!

>> AND I USED TO SING ALONG WITH

FOUR SEASONS RECORDS.

[ High-pitched ] * AHH AHH-AHH

>> Frankenstein: OOH! FANTASTIC!

>> I'M ACTUALLY, UH, PRETTY GOOD

AT THE BARITONE VERSION OF THE

"MAGIC FLUTE."

>> Frankenstein: OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S THREE OF YOU!

>> * A-AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

HA *

* HA-AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

HA *

* HA-AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA *

>> * THE ROSES OF...

>> * MLA-AHH...

>> * AHHHH AHH-AHH

>> * DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO

>> Frankenstein: HA HA!

AMAZING!

>> YOU ALL CAME TOGETHER IN

SPITE OF YOUR DIFFERENCES!

>> Frankenstein: YES, AND

THERE'S AN OPEN MIC DOWN AT THE

PUB TOMORROW NIGHT.

YOU SHOULD ALL DO IT AS A FAMILY

ACT.

>> THAT WOULD BE SO EXCITING!

WHAT A FAMILY MEMORY THAT WOULD

BE.

OOH! I CAN PLAY MY BANJO!

>> Frankenstein: AND I CAN

FULFILL MY MILD DREAM OF

MANAGING A BAND!

>> HERE -- IN ORDER TO LOOK MORE

LIKE A FAMILY, WEAR THESE WIGS.

>> Frankenstein: GREAT THINKING!

PUT THEM ON SO I CAN GET A

PICTURE FOR THE FLIER!

>> I'M NOT WEARING THIS NAZI

WIG!

>> AWW.

>> Frankenstein: Don't worry.

I'll Photoshop it in.

NOW, SAY CHEESE!

>> CHEESE!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

>> [ German accent ] MEIN

FUHRER!

LOOK AT THIS GROUP PERFORMING IN

SOMEWHERE IN EASTERN EUROPE.

>> [ GASPS ]

IT CAN'T BE!

AND YET THEY LOOK SO MUCH LIKE

THE VAN DER TROMPEL FAMILY!

COULD THEY HAVE GOTTEN AWAY

FROM THE GESTAPO AND CHANGED

THEIR NAME?!

[ Sadly ] HOW I MISS THAT

FAMILY.

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO HEAR

THEM IN CONCERT AGAIN BEFORE I

GOT RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR

ALL.

I MUST ATTEND THAT OPEN MIC!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> NOW, GET A GOOD NIGHT'S

SLEEP.

>> Frankenstein: YES, TOMORROW'S

THE BIG SHOW.

NOW, DON'T GET EXCITED, BUT I

EVEN HEARD HITLER'S COMING

THROUGH A FRANKENHOLE TO BE

THERE!

>> I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY I

AM TO FINALLY FIND A PLACE IN

THIS LIFE, A SENSE OF BELONGING

SOMEWHERE.

SLEEP WELL.

I LOVE YOU ALL.

[ SNORING ]

>> He's asleep.

>> Let's get him.

[ GUN COCKS ]

>> MOVE AWAY FROM HIM AND DROP

THOSE KNIVES.

>> ARE YOU FREAKIN' CRAZY?

I NEED MY PECS AND ABS BACK.

>> NO! NOT UNTIL I KILL HITLER.

YOU'RE ALL PLAYING THAT SHOW.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> WELL, PARDNERS -- NYUK

NYUK -- FOR MY LAST BIT OF

DOWN-HOME POLITICAL HUMOR, I'D

LIKE TO SAY THAT, UH,

POLITICIANS -- NYUK NYUK --

SHOULD TAKE A CUE FROM MUMMIES

AND WRAP THINGS UP.

NYUK NYUK!

THANKS, PARDNERS!

YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT CROWD!

[ AUDIENCE CHANTING "WE WANT THE

IT'S-ALIVE-INGSTONS" ]

>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, BRAHS

AND BRAHSEEMAS, UP NEXT, WE ARE

PROUD TO PRESENT THE

IT'S-ALIVE-INGSTON FAMILY OF

SONG!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> OOH, I HOPE THEY'RE STILL

GOOD!

[ High-pitched ] ME TOO!

>> OH, YOU LIKE EVERYTHING.

[ BANJO PLAYS ]

[ ALL INHALE SHARPLY ]

>> ALL RIGHT, HITLER, PREPARE TO

GET NAKIFTAD!

>> NO!

>> MEIN FUHRER! GET DOWN!

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE RUINING THE SONG!

>> NOW!

GIVE US OUR PARTS BACK!

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

[ "MAGIC FLUTE" PLAYS ]

>> AAH!

>> [ WHIMPERING ]

>> WELL, THAT WAS A BUST.

AAH!

>> THAT'S FOR LITTLE

ANNIE FRANK.

HEY, THAT WAS FUN.

>> OKAY, UP NEXT -- NOSFERATU

AND RUSTY BOY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> SUCCESS HAS DESTROYED MY

FAMILY.

>> Frankenstein: OH, WHO CARES

ABOUT YOUR STUPID FAMILY?!

THE CAREER I KINDA WANTED IS

FINISHED!

[ WHIMPERS ]

>> WELL, YOU ALWAYS HAVE US AS

YOUR FAMILY, YOU KNOW.

>> I KNOW.

>> I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND THAT

WE'RE NOT ACTUAL BLOOD

RELATIVES, THOUGH.

>> NO.

THIS EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT ME

THAT [SNIFFLES] FAMILIES --

REAL FAMILIES ARE PERHAPS THE

WORST THING IN THE WORLD EVER.

>> THAT'S MY BOY!

[ ALL "AWW" ]

>> MOMMY.

>> Frankenstein: OH, WOULD YOU

TWO SHUUUUUUUUT UP?!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ GLASS CLINKS ]

>> OKAY, LADIES AND

GENTLE-BRAHS, PUT YOUR HANDS

TOGETHER FOR IMPRESSIONIST

EXTRAORDINAIRE COUNT CHOCOLATEY!

>> THANK YOU!

YOU KNOW I ALWAYS WONDERED, WHAT

IF FAMOUS ACTOR BELA LUGOSI

PLAYED COUNT DRACULA IN A MOVIE?

I THINK IT WOULD GO SOMETHING

LIKE THIS.

[ Normal voice ] GOOD EVENING.

I'M COUNT DRACULA IN A MOVIE!

[ LAUGHTER ]

THANK YOU.

AND NOW, FOR MY NEXT IMPRESSION,

WHAT IF I PLAYED COUNT DRACULA

IN A MOVIE?