Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> Frankenstein: ELIZABETH,

BEHOLD!

MY GREATEST CREATION YET!

I HAVE TAKEN 10 DEAD CATS AND

RESURRECTED THEM TO CREATE...

[ ZAP! ]

...MANPUSSY!

[ CATS MEWING ]

ISN'T HE ADORABLE?

>> UGH. VICTOR.

YOU REALLY PUT THE "'ORRIBLE"

IN "ADORABLE."

>> Frankenstein: NYUK, NYUK,

NYUK.

>> BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU ARE REALLY

SPENDING FAR TOO MUCH TIME IN

THAT LAB AND NOT ENOUGH AROUND

MY VAGINA.

>> Frankenstein: OH!

IS YOUR LITTLE VAGINA FEELING

NEGLECTED?

HERE -- LET ME HELP.

HI, MR. VAGINA!

PUT 'ER THERE, PAL!

LONG TIME NO SEE, OLD MAN!

>> "NYUK NYUK," AS YOU SAY.

WELL, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS.

I WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY.

>> Frankenstein: FOR GOODNESS'

SAKES, ELIZABETH, I DON'T HAVE

TIME TO HAVE A BABY WITH YOU.

I'M CREATING LIFE!

>> HA! THAT'S NOT LIFE.

WOMEN CREATE LIFE, AND WE DO IT

NATURALLY.

>> Frankenstein: NATURALLY?

WITH MR. VAGINA OVER THERE?

WHY, HE DOESN'T EVEN MAKE

SPARKS!

[ ZAP! ]

>> NYUK NYUK!

>> SPARKS AREN'T EVERYTHING!

>> Frankenstein: YES, THEY ARE.

THEY'RE LITERALLY EVERYTHING!

>> YOU THINK IT'S SO EASY FOR A

MAN TO CREATE WHATEVER, YOU GO

MAKE A BABY WITHOUT A WOMAN'S

VAGINA.

>> Frankenstein: I WILL!

AND IF YOU THINK IT'S SO EASY

MAKING MONSTERS, THEN YOU

GO MAKE ONE WITHOUT HAVING A

RAVING-MAD BRAIN!

>> I WILL!

>> Frankenstein: HUH!

>> HUH!

>> HUH!

[ CATS MEWING ]

HUH!

[ COUGHING ]

>> [ CAT MEWS ]

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME

* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL

* IS THE WORLD

* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE

>> AAH!

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

>> Frankenstein: THERE.

THAT SHOULD HAVE LOOSENED IT.

NOW PULL IT OUT!

>> Polidori: ARE YOU SURE?

HOW WILL YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT

AROUSED IF YOU DON'T HAVE A

PENIS?

>> Frankenstein: NYUK, NYUK,

POLIDORI.

YOU KNOW I'M NEVER AROUSED.

NOW PULL!

>> Polidori: [ GRUNTING ]

IT'S FIGHTING ME!

>> Frankenstein: COME ON,

POLLYDOLLY!

LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS, MAN!

>> Polidori: MY LEGS ARE MY OWN

AFFAIR.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ POP! ]

>> Frankenstein: THERE.

NOW TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT.

>> Polidori: OH, DON'T WORRY

ABOUT THAT.

>> [ HUMMING ]

>> DO YOU THINK HE'LL LIKE ME

WHEN HE'S ALL SEWN TOGETHER?

>> WELL, HE SHOULD.

I GAVE HIM THE BRAIN OF A

PUPPY!

>> AWW.

>> NEXT, WE JUST SEW YOUR

EVERYDAY HOUSEHOLD FORK TO

MR. HIDEOUS RIGHT...ABOUT...

THERE, SHOVE IT IN THE TOASTER,

PULL DOWN THAT OL' LEVER,

THEN...

[ ZAP! ]

...PRESTO!

[ FOOSH! ]

>> OH, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!

OH...IT'S RUINED!

>> IS IT READY?! IS IT READY?!

OHHH.

I THINK THAT PIECE MIGHT STILL

BE GOOD.

[ FOOSH! ]

AAH!

>> UGH!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: NO, MORE TO THE

LEFT.

IT'S NOT QUITE CENTERED.

THERE! THERE!

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

[ CLANK! CLANK! ]

[ WHIR! ]

>> Polidori: THERE. IT'S DONE.

>> Frankenstein: YGOR, BRING ME

THE MIRROR.

[ SCREECH! ]

BEHOLD!

THE FIRST FULLY FUNCTIONING MALE

VAGINA!

[ ANGELIC SINGING ]

GOOD EVENING. SORRY I'M LATE.

HOW'S MONSTER-MAKING TREATIN'

YA?

>> JUST FINE, THANK YOU.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

>> Frankenstein: NOTHING.

NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

>> HMM.

HAIRCUT?

>> Frankenstein: UNH-UNH.

>> UM...

OH -- YOU SHAVED YOUR BEARD.

>> Frankenstein: NEVER HAD A

BEARD.

>> I'VE GOT IT!

YOU'RE WEARING GLASSES!

>> Frankenstein: I AM NOT

WEARING GLASSES!

I HAVE A VAGINA!

>> OH!

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> Frankenstein: UH-HUH.

WHO'S THE HIGHLY EVOLVED

SPECIES NOW?

>> OH, MY GOD!

I LOVE IT!

>> Frankenstein: LOVE IT? NO!

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HATE IT!

WE'RE IN A BATTLE OF THE SEXES!

>> OH, POO. BATTLES ARE FOR MEN.

SIT DOWN. WE HAVE TO CHAT.

>> Frankenstein: BUT --

>> MEN ARE SO CLUELESS, AREN'T

THEY?

SO GOAL-ORIENTED.

>> Frankenstein: WELL...YEAH.

>> OH, I KNEW YOU'D AGREE!

LET'S GO SHOPPING!

WE'RE GOING TO BE SUCH GOOD

FRIENDS!

>> Frankenstein: FRIENDS?

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> OH, ISN'T THIS JUST THE BEST

WAY TO SPEND THE DAY?

>> Frankenstein: UM...YEAH,

BUT I THINK I SHOULD GET BACK TO

WORK.

>> [ CHUCKLES ] VICTOR.

WOW. HI.

>> Frankenstein: OH. JEKYLL, HI.

UH, ELIZABETH WAS JUST JOKING

AROU--

>> NO, NO.

YOU LOOK QUITE FETCHING IN THAT

HAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? DOUBLE DATE.

CHECK IT OUT.

ELIZABETH, I GOT JUST THE GUY

FOR YOU.

MMPH! WHAA!

LOVE YOUR BREASTS.

WOMEN! I LOVE CHICKS!

HOW 'BOUT YOU TWO COMING BACK TO

OUR PLACE?

>> NOT WITH YOU.

COME, VICTOR.

WE'RE LATE TO MEET THE GIRLS.

>> Frankenstein: THE GIRLS?

>> LESBIANS.

>> OH, YOO-HOO! WE'RE HERE!

>> HI, BOYS.

>> OH! WHAT DO WE HAVE?

>> THEY'RE HERE TO BALANCE OUT

THE SAUSAGE PARTY.

>> Frankenstein: UM, WHAT DOES

EVERYONE WANT TO DRINK?

>> OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

STAY HERE AND FLIRT AWHILE.

>> Frankenstein: YEAH, YEAH.

IN A SEC.

I'M JUST...GOING TO GO SAY HI TO

A FRIEND.

HI, JOE.

>> WELL, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN, LOOKIN'

GOOD!

>> Frankenstein: OH, JOE, I FEEL

AWFUL.

YOU SEE, I GAVE MYSELF A VAGINA

TO PROVE TO ELIZABETH THAT WOMEN

ARE WORTHLESS AND THAT MEN CAN

DO EVERYTHING.

BUT NOW SHE'S JUST MADE ME INTO

ONE OF THE GIRLS!

>> OH, NO.

YOU'RE NOT JUST ONE OF THE

GIRLS.

YOU'RE A SPECIAL WOMAN, MAN.

>> Frankenstein: THANK YOU, JOE.

>> YOU'RE THE REAL DEAL, BABY.

>> Frankenstein: REALLY?

>> NOW, COME ON.

LEMME BUY YA A LITTLE DRINKY.

>> Frankenstein: WHOO!

[ LAUGHS ]

OKAY.

>> NO, NO! HIS DRINKS ARE ON ME!

>> I'VE GOT THIS ONE!

>> Frankenstein: GET IN LINE,

BOYS!

>> NO, NO. HIS DRINKS ARE ON ME.

>> Frankenstein: WOW.

I'VE NEVER FELT SO POWERFUL IN

ALL MY LIFE!

>> YEAH, I GOT TONS OF IRONS

ON THE FIRE.

YOU KNOW -- BITING NECKS, I'M

ENSLAVING WEREWOLVES, RUNNING

AWAY SCARED FROM VAMPIRE

HUNTERS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN IT RAIN, IT

POURS.

HEH HEH HEH.

>> THAT SLUT!

>> SLUT! WHERE? GIMME, GIMME!

>> Frankenstein: OH, HOO HOO

HOO!

FELLOWS, PLEASE!

OH, YOU'RE JUST BEING SO BAD!

I'M GETTING SO DRUNK!

>> VA-VA-VA-VICTOR!

>> UGH! WHAT?!

DRACULA, COME BACK!

>> Frankenstein: I MEAN, I HAVE

NO CONTROL OVER WHAT I'LL DO

NEXT.

>> STAND ASIDE, LOSERS.

THE PRINCE OF TALL, DARKNESS,

AND HANDSOME IS HERE!

>> Frankenstein: OH, DRACULA!

[ CHUCKLES ]

I NEVER!

>> NO, YOU NEVER.

BUT YOU WILL TONIGHT -- IN MY

PANTS!

>> Frankenstein: [ CHUCKLES ]

BUT I SIMPLY HAVE NOTHING TO

WEAR.

>> FEAR NOT! I'VE GOT A PLASTIC!

>> Frankenstein: OOOOOOOH!

[ WOMEN SCOFF ]

>> TELL ME ABOUT IT.

BRAH'S BOGARTING THE CHOICEST

MUFF.

[ WOMEN GASP ]

>> Frankenstein: MMM! MMM!

THIS CAVIAR IS EXPENSIVELY

DIVINE.

>> WATCH IT!

DON'T SPILL ANY ON YOUR NEW...

$12,000 FUR COAT!

>> Frankenstein: WHAT?

THIS OLD THING?

ALREADY SICK OF IT.

MORE CAVIAR!

[ SPLAT! ]

MMM! KEEP IT COMING!

>> MARKET PRICE?

YEESH LOUISE!

SO...HOW ABOUT I JUST COME IN

FOR A SECOND?

>> Frankenstein: OH, NO, YOU.

NOT TONIGHT.

UGH! I HAVE SUCH A HEADACHE.

>> OH.

>> Frankenstein: YEAH.

>> SO, EH...NOTHING TONIGHT?

>> Frankenstein: OHH, I WISH!

I WISH, I WISH, I WISH!

DARN YOU, GOD!

WHY A HEADACHE TONIGHT?!

>> OKAY. SO...MAYBE...TOMORROW?

>> Frankenstein: DEFINITELY

TOMORROW.

[ GASPS ] DINNER FIRST?

>> OH. Y-YEAH.

>> Frankenstein: GREAT! BYE-BYE!

THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE

CORVETTE.

>> NO PROB. I, UH, WALK HOME.

>> Frankenstein: [ LAUGHS ]

WHAT A SAP.

>> [ SIGHS ]

>> Frankenstein: [ GIGGLES ]

>> WELL, HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT

WITH DRACULA?

>> Frankenstein: [ SIGHS ]

JUST AMAZING.

OH! IT GIVES ME GOOSE PIMPLES!

SO POWERFUL!

>> POWERFUL?

REALLY, VICTOR, HE'S JUST A MAN.

>> Frankenstein: MAN? HA!

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT MEN HERE,

ELIZABETH.

IT'S WOMEN WHO ARE THE MORE

POWERFUL OF THE TWO SEXES!

>> WHAT?

>> Frankenstein: I MEAN, DESPITE

THE OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR INTELLECT

OF MEN, EVERYTHING A MAN DOES

WITH THAT INTELLECT IS BECAUSE

OF WOMEN'S VAGINAS.

AND NOW I'VE GOT THE ADVANTAGE

OF HAVING BOTH THOSE POWERS.

I NEED MORE, MORE, MORE!

>> HA!

IF YOU'RE SO POWERFUL, WHY

DIDN'T YOU EVEN DO WHAT YOU SET

OUT TO DO -- CREATE A LIFE?

>> Frankenstein: EW.

BUT THAT WOULD MEAN LETTING A

MAN ENTER ME, AND THEN I'D LOSE

ALL MY POWER.

UNLESS...

[ DING! ]

>> VICTOR!

YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF --

>> Frankenstein: YES!

THERE'S ONLY ONE PENIS THAT I'D

EVER ALLOW TO ENTER THIS VAGINA,

AND IT'S MY OWN!

WHO BETTER TO PLANT THE SEMEN

THAN MYSELF?

THINK OF THE ULTIMATE POTENCY

THAT WILL GIVE ME!

WHY, I'LL BE THE MOTHER AND THE

FATHER!

I'LL BE OMNIPOTENT!

>> NOT IF I SCREW YOU FIRST WITH

YOUR PENIS!

>> Frankenstein: YOU WOULDN'T!

>> OH, WOULDN'T I?

>> Frankenstein: UUAH!

[ ZIP! ]

>> [ PANTING ]

>> Frankenstein: SUCK ON THIS

LAMP!

NOT THE FACE! AAH!

>> OHH, MY HAIR! OHH!

>> Polidori: LOOK, OBVIOUSLY I

LOVE YOU.

I MEAN, YOU'RE REALLY HOT.

YOU TURN ME ON SO MUCH.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU

JUST SEXUALLY ANYMORE.

I HAVE TOO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU.

[ BLUB! ]

YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

OH, DASH IT ALL! LET'S ELOPE!

>> Both: AAH!

>> Polidori: WHAT'S GOING ON

HERE?!

[ High-pitched ] AAAAAAAAAAAH!

>> Frankenstein: GIVE ME THAT

JAR, POLIDORI.

>> Polidori: STAY AWAY FROM YOUR

PENIS!

>> NO, POLIDORI!

THAT'S RIGHTFULLY MINE!

>> Polidori: OH, LORD, I'M GOING

TO FAINT.

>> Frankenstein: GET AWAY,

ELIZABETH!

YOU'RE RAVING!

>> I' RAVING?!

YOU WANT TO PENETRATE YOURSELF!

>> Polidori: YOU'RE BOTH MAD!

>> Frankenstein: NO! DON'T!

YOU'LL HURT HIM!

>> NO!

[ WHISTLE! ]

>> Frankenstein: [ Slow-motion ]

N-O-O-O-O-O-O!

[ SHATTER! ]

STAND BACK!

I'M A GENIUS! I CAN SALVAGE IT!

[ CATS YOWLING, MEWING ]

OHH! AAH!

[ CATS SLURPING ]

YGOR.

FETCH ME THE JUMBO LITTER BOX

AND A BOTTLE OF TUNA-FLAVORED

LAXATIVES.

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT!

>> Frankenstein: AND A BOX OF

TAMPONS, PLEASE.

>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT

IT!

>> * WITHOUT YOU, MY FRIEND,

OUR SOLAR SYSTEM FEELS SMALL *

* SO SAD TO SEE YOU GO

* I WON'T FORGET YOU

>> Frankenstein: [ WHIMPERS ]