Original subtitles

>> LIVE AT THE SCARRIOTT

CONVENTION CENTER, THE GREAT

JOHN BELUSHI!

>> JUST ONE PERFORMANCE, SO

HURRY!

>> LISTEN TO ME -- TICKETS WILL

NOT LAST!

ALL YOU PEOPLE DRIVE ME CRAZY!

>> A DUVET BRAHEEMSON

PRODUCTION.

>> [ Chuckling ] MY BAD!

>> "MY BAD."

>> I LIKE THE CATCHPHRASE, BOSS.

>> WHY ARE YOU EVEN STILL HERE,

McMANN?

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PICK UP

BELUSHI!

>> YES, SIR.

>> UGH.

>> [ CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY ]

MR. BELUSHI!

>> [ BELCHES ]

>> TEE HEE HEE! YOU'RE SO GREAT!

[ MOTORCYCLE BUZZING ]

>> [ SIGHS, HICCUPS ]

[ SMACKS LIPS ]

OH, MR. BELUSHI!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

>> AHH!

WHAT THE --

[ CHOMP! ]

>> BLEH!

>> JOHN BELUSHI!

MAN, YOU'RE GREAT!

DO THAT EYEBROW THING!

[ TING! ]

>> HE'S MY FAVORITE FROM "SNL"!

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

>> OOH!

>> LL-LL-LL-LL-LL-LL!

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

I LOVE THIS CHARISMATIC,

FUN-LOVING DUDE!

>> DRACULA, I SUPPOSE I HATE YOU

MORE THAN ANYTHIN' ELSE IN THIS

WORLD, BUT FOR ONCE, WE AGREE ON

SOMETHIN'.

THIS GUY'S THE REAL DEAL,

LUCILLE!

[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

>> YAY!

>> YAY! WE LOVE HIS PEE!

[ ALL CHEERING ]

>> BRAHS, THIS IS NOT ALL GOOD.

HE'S GONNA KILL HIMSELF!

>> THAT IS A LOT OF EVERYTHING.

>> HE'S MAKING ME A LITTLE

NERVOUS.

>> McMANN, YOU KNOW THIS SHOW'S

SOLD OUT.

IF HE KEEPS THIS UP, HE'S GONNA

ELVIS PRESLEY, MAMA CASS, AND

SID VICIOUS HIMSELF ALL AT ONCE!

THEN I'M GONNA O.J. SIMPSON YOU

RIGHT BEFORE I KURT COBAIN

MYSELF!

>> B-B-BUT HE WON'T LISTEN TO

ME, SIR.

HE'S OUT OF CONTROL!

>> ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE HIM TO

FRANKENSTEIN'S PLACE AND

LINDSAY LOHAN HIM.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ SCREECHES ]

>> [ HOWLS ]

>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND

* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL

* TAKE MY HAND

* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE

FRANKENHOLE *

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ WOLF HOWLS ]

>> [ Screeching ] WINK!

>> Frankenstein: HA! YOU SEE?

I TOLD YOU THERE'S A LITTLE

THINGY INSIDE!

>> Ygor: [ Chuckling ]

DR. HENRY JEKYLL TO SEE YOU.

>> Frankenstein: OH, GREAT.

>> HEY, VICTOR!

I KNOW, IT'S ME -- IT'S THE

ANNOYING GUY.

>> Frankenstein: IT'S A BAD

TIME.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A THING.

>> JUST, CAN YOU JUST -- I-I'M

REALLY, REALLY, REALLY EXCITED

ABOUT THIS ONE.

AND, UM, YOU KNOW, I-IT'S MORE

TRANSFORMATIVE.

I MEAN, THAT'S -- THAT'S MY

WHEELHOUSE.

>> Frankenstein: TELL ME ALL

ABOUT IT.

>> THIS IS A REVOLUTIONARY NEW

SERUM.

>> Frankenstein: SERUM?

>> IT MAKES A HUMAN INTO THE

WORST VERSION OF ITS TRUE SELF.

>> Frankenstein: WHAT'S IT

CALLED -- "MARRIAGE"?

[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]

>> YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT OF

PEOPLE WHO -- WHO WOULD SAY THAT

DIGGING UP BODIES AND SEWING

THEM TOGETHER IS LOW-HANGING

FRUIT.

>> Frankenstein: WHY WOULD I

TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY?

YOU START OFF AS A DOCTOR, YOU

TAKE A SERUM, YOU BECOME

MR. SO-AND-SO.

I MEAN, HOW DO YOU TAKE NOTES?

>> I-I-I OBSERVE FROM WITHIN!

>> Frankenstein: FROM WITHIN?

>> IS THIS A COMPETITION?

IS SCIENCE A COMPETITION?

ANYBODY? YGOR?

OKAY, LOOK, OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE THE

MORE RESPECTED PERSON.

YOU'VE DEVELOPED TIME TRAVEL.

YOU'VE GOT CADAVERS WALKING

AROUND --

>> Frankenstein: OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

>> I CAN SEE YOU'RE IN ONE OF

YOUR MOODS, AND, UH, I KNOW I'M

GONNA GET MY FEELINGS HURT

PRETTY SOON.

I WILL LEAVE A SAMPLE HERE.

>> Frankenstein: HERE'S THE

DEAL -- NO ONE WANTS TO BECOME

THEIR OWN MONSTER, YOU IDIOT!

>> I REALLY D-DON'T LIKE IT WHEN

YOU IM-IMPUGN MY INTELLIGENCE,

OKAY?

>> Frankenstein: YOU'RE AN

IDIOT -- THAT'S WHY.

>> OKAY, I PROBABLY TOLD YOU

THIS BEFORE.

I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE

[ Distorting ] CALL ME AN IDIOT!

[ SNARLS ]

>> Frankenstein: HERE WE GO!

HERE WE GO, EVERYBODY!

LOOK AT YOU!

[ Laughing ] YOU CAN'T EVEN

CONTROL IT!

AND IT'S YOU!

WRITE DOWN SOME NOTES, IF YOU

WOULD.

>> DAY THREE...

>> Frankenstein: OH, HERE WE GO.

>> UGH! MONSTER!

>> Frankenstein: WAIT.

YOU -- YOU DREW A PICTURE OF A

TREE.

>> JUST HOLD ON A SECOND!

HERE'S THE THING.

>> Frankenstein: I'M NOT

LISTENING UNTIL YOU TURN BACK

INTO A DOCTOR AGAIN.

>> I HATE YOU!

>> Frankenstein: I'M GOING TO

ESCORT YOU TO THE DOOR.

>> I KNOW HOW TO SAY IT WITH...

>> Frankenstein: THAT WILL DO,

SIR.

THANK YOU.

>> ARGH!

>> DOC, BRAH, HELP!

>> Frankenstein: OH. YOU.

WHAT DO YOU WANT --

OH, MY GOD! JOHN BELUSHI!

I'M HIS BIGGEST FAN!

>> DOC, THIS DUDER'S WAY OUT OF

CONTROL.

HE, LIKE, SCARFS, GUZZLES,

TOKES, SHOOTS, SNORTS, AND

BOGARTS EVERYTHING HE SEES.

>> Frankenstein: BUT THAT'S WHAT

MAKES HIM SO MUCH FUN!

>> YEAH, BUT HE'S GONNA END UP

LIKE FARLEY, BRAH -- AND BEFORE

THE SHOW!

YOU GOT TO HELP!

>> Frankenstein: HMM.

I DO WANT TO SEE THAT SHOW.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL FIX HIM SO HE

CAN CONSUME AS MUCH AS HE WANTS

WITHOUT HARMING HIMSELF.

>> RAD!

DOC, YOU ARE TOTALLY SAVING MY

SWEET, TIGHT, LITTLE ASS.

>> Frankenstein: EXCUSE ME WHILE

I GET A FEW THINGS.

[ Singsong voice ] NOW, DON'T

LET HIM DRINK THAT SERUM.

>> YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS,

BROLISSIMO.

>> [ GRUNTS ]

[ TING! ]

[ CLATTER! ]

[ GULPS ]

[ BELCHES ]

UNH!

[ GRUNTING ]

AAH!

HELLO, HANDSOME!

>> Frankenstein: [ HUMMING ]

AI!

JIM BELUSHI?!

>> IN THE FLESHAROO, KANGAROO.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S NOT

FUNNY.

>> YOU'RE TELLIN' ME WHAT'S

FUNNY, BUCKO?

>> Frankenstein: NO.

I'M TELLING YOU WHAT'S NOT --

AND IT'S YOU.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH JOHN?

NO!

DAMN IT, JOHN!

>> I'M OUTTA HERE.

GOT TO GO FIND THE NEAREST

HOUSE OF BLUES.

[ To tune of "Bad to the Bone" ]

* BAH-NAH-NAH-NAH

* I'M OUTTA HERE

* BAH-NAH-NAH-NAH

* GOTTA FIND THE

* BAH-NAH-NAH-NAH

* NEAREST HOUSE OF

* BAH-NAH-NAH-LU-U-U-U-ES!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> [ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOD!

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> BETTER THAN GOD --

JIM BELUSHI.

>> [ SCREAMS ]

>> LET THE PAR-TAY...BE-GAY-N!

[ SCARF! SCARF! ]

>> THAT...DOESN'T...RHYME!

ARRRRRRRRGH!

>> [ GASPS ]

>> I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE

THAT, LIKE MYSELF [SLURPS]

PEOPLE RUN SCREAMING AT THE VERY

SIGHT OF YOU.

>> YEP.

[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

I'M LIKE THE BEATLES.

[ LIQUID GUSHING ]

AH. THAT'S GOOD.

UP TO THE TIPPY-TOP.

>> THERE IS A LAVATORY IN THE

BACK, YOU KNOW.

>> NAH, TOO FAR.

[ SNIFFS ]

PLUS, I GET TO GRAB A SNORT OF

THE OL' ESSENCE.

[ SNORTS DEEPLY ]

>> OHH!

>> DISGUSTING!

WE HATE HIS PEE!

>> BOO!

>> HEY...WHO'S THE FIRE BUSH?

>> SHE IS INVOLVED WITH

VAMPIRE GANDHI.

>> GANDHI?

PBFFFFFFFFFT!

HEY, HOW 'BOUT SCREWIN' A

BELUSHI?

>> GROSS!

>> OH, YOU BRUTE!

>> CHECK OUT THIS MOVE.

[ Strained ] HEY, WHAT'S MY

EYEBROW DOING?

>> NOTHING.

>> ALL RIGHT. HOW 'BOUT NOW?

>> AAAAAAAH!

YOU'RE ANTI-CHARMING.

>> HEY! DON'T EVER SAY --

[ STOMACH GURGLES ]

WHOA.

UH...I THINK I NEED TO...CRACK

ONE OFF!

[ Distorting ] N-O-O-O-O-O-O!

AAAAH-OWWWWWW!

HUH.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: UNFORTUNATELY,

JOHN, YOU INGESTED ONE OF THE

STUPIDEST POTIONS IN MONSTER

HISTORY -- A POTION SO GOOFY

THAT IT MAKES YOU -- GET THIS --

A HIDEOUS VERSION OF YOURSELF.

>> [ GASPS ] JIM.

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S RIGHT --

THE WOR BELUSHI.

>> WILL HE BE BACK?

>> Frankenstein: HOPEFULLY NOT.

IN THE MEANTIME, LET'S GO TO MY

LAB AND MAKE YOU INDESTRUCTIBLE.

AND THEN...

WE'LL PARTY OUR ASSES OFF!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

SEE?

HE CAN GO FOR DAYS AND NOT HARM

HIMSELF AT ALL.

>> AH, BRAH, YOU TOTALLY SAVED

THE DAY'S HOT, SWEET, LITTLE

ASS.

>> YEAH, HE'S GREAT, BUT AS FOR

ME, I'M ALL WRAPPED UP RIGHT

NOW.

NYUK, NYUK, NYUK.

>> WHAT?

>> Frankenstein: [ SCOFFS ]

HE'S ALWAYS DOING THAT STALE

PUN.

>> THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR BEING

ALL WRAPPED UP!

>> N-O-O-O-O!

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

>> Frankenstein: GOOD HEAVENS!

THIS MUMMY'S HACKNEYED MATERIAL

HAS TRIGGERED THE JIM BELUSHI IN

JOHN BELUSHI.

>> [ GROANING ]

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH JOHN?

>> Frankenstein: [ CHUCKLES

NERVOUSLY ]

I THINK HE, UH, UM, GOT SOME

BABY LAXATIVE MIXED UP WITH HIS

BLOW.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

>> YEAH!

RIDE 'EM, COWBOY!

>> WHAT COWBOY?

>> IS IT A JOKE?

>> UH, THE COWBOY IN YOUR PANTS!

* DOW-NOWW-NA-NOWW

* CIGARS AND PEE JARS

* SWEET HOME CHICAGO

* DOWW-NA-NOWW-NOWW

[ RAPID FOOTSTEPS, DOOR CLOSES ]

>> Frankenstein: NOW YOU'VE DONE

IT!

YOU'VE DRIVEN EVERYONE OUT!

EXCEPT THIS MORON.

I MUST FIND A WAY TO BRING JOHN

BACK.

>> DO NOT SAY THAT NAME AROUND

ME!

HE'S GONE NOW, AND HE'S NEVER

COMING BACK!

IN FACT, I GOT AN IDEA.

[ CHUCKLES ]

COME ON, MUMMY.

WE'RE GONNA DO THE BEST BLUES

SHOW EVER!

>> I CAN REALLY WRAP MYSELF UP

IN THAT ROLE.

NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!

>> WHOO! WE WANT JOHN!

>> JOHN'S GONNA BE SO GOOD.

>> JOHN!

>> FOOD FIGHT!

>> * YEAH, WE GOT THE BLUES

* THE BLUES, THE BLUES

* YEAH, WE GOT THE...

>> WE WANT JOHN!

>> WE HATE THIS PIG!

>> BOO!

>> AW, THANK YOU!

AND NOW, A QUICK SCENE FROM

"THE BLUES BROTHERS."

AND, AS A GIFT TO JOHN BELUSHI,

I'M GONNA DO IT HOW I WOULD HAVE

DONE IT.

>> IT'S 106 MILES TO CHICAGO, WE

GOT A TRUNK FULL OF URINE JARS,

AND I'M ALL WRAPPED UP IN THIS.

>> HIT IT!

>> GET OFF THAT DAMN STAGE!

>> WE WANT THE ONE WITH THE

CHARM!

>> Frankenstein: WHERE'S THAT

IDIOT JEKYLL?

>> VICTOR! HERE'S THE ANTIDOTE!

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S COCAINE.

>> I KNOW.

IT'LL BRING HIM BACK OUT.

AND HE SHOULD ONLY DO A LITTLE

BIT.

>> Frankenstein: THAT'S SO

STUPID!

>> [ GRUNTING ]

>> Frankenstein: NO ONE DOES A

LITTLE BIT OF COKE!

BESIDES, I MADE HIM STRONG

ENOUGH TO DO THE COKE OF

10 JOHN BELUSHIS.

>> YEAH, BUT I MADE THE COKE

STRONG ENOUGH FOR

11 JOHN BELUSHIS.

>> Frankenstein: GREAT.

IDIOT.

>> [ Distorting ] ARGH!

>> Frankenstein: OH, JOHN!

>> DON'T MENTION THAT NAME!

>> Frankenstein: Look -- I have

an eight ball.

>> NO!

>> Frankenstein: WHOO-HOO-HOO!

>> NO! IT'LL BRING HIM BACK!

I'M THE FUNNY ONE!

[ Distorting ] N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!

[ CROWD GASPS ]

>> IT WAS JOHN ALL ALONG?

>> HOW COULD JIM BELUSHI HAVE

ANYTHING TO DO WITH

JOHN BELUSHI?!

>> I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

>> Frankenstein: JOHN!

YOU'RE BACK!

>> [ SNORTS ]

>> Frankenstein: OH, THANK GOD!

[ CROWD CHEERS ]

>> [ GRUNTS ] SON OF A --

[ CROWD BOOS ]

NO!

[ CROWD CHEERS ]

UH-OH.

[ CROWD BOOS ]

NO!

[ CROWD CHEERS ]

[ CROWD BOOS ]

[ CROWD CHEERS ]

[ CROWD BOOS, CHEERS ]

[ CROWD BOOS, CHEERS ]

[ CROWD BOOS, CHEERS ]

[ CROWD BOOS, CHEERS ]

[ CROWD BOOS, CHEERS ]

>> HOORAY! I LOVE IT!

>> [ SNORTS ]

>> Frankenstein: NO!

ONLY A LITTLE!

THAT COKE'S TOO STRONG!

>> I DON'T CARE!

I MUST DIE!

JIM BELUSHI MUST NOT COME BACK!

>> Frankenstein: NO!

WE LOVE YOU!

>> [ SNORTS ]

I MUST KILL HIM!!

>> Frankenstein: DON'T GO!

WE CAN HELP YOU!

>> [ GROANS ]

>> HOLY CRAP!

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

NYUK, NYUK, NYUK!

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

>> Frankenstein: N-O-O-O-O-O!

[ CROWD GASPS ]

[ GASPS ]

WE LOVED YOU, JOHN.

BUT AT LEAST, IN THE END, YOU

DIED NOBLY, TRYING TO PROTECT

THE WORLD FROM THE TERRORIZING

MEDIOCRITY OF YOUR HIDEOUSLY

UNTALENTED LESSER SELF.

[ INHALES ]

Call Chateau Marmont.

Tell them we have to dump

another body.

>> I'M FREE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M FRE-E-E-E-E-E!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

CHICAGO.