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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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[ HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER ]
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>> BLECHHH!
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>> BLECHHH!
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>> Frankenstein: QUIT CROWDING
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ME!
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DAMNED AMATEURS!
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SOME OF US HAVE BEEN IN A BAR
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BEFORE.
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>> HEY, WHO DO I HAVE TO SUCK ON
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THE NECK UNTIL THEY DIE TO GET A
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DRINK AROUND HERE?
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AAAH!
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>> [ Southern accent ] YOU'RE IN
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MY SEAT, YOU FANCY-PANTS
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MOSQUITER.
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>> [ MOANS ]
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>> AW, DUDE!
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HE WAS GETTING ME MY LONG ISLAND
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ICED TEA.
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MY BAD.
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>> WHY IS THIS PLACE SO DAMN
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IRRITATIN' AT NIGHT?
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>> Frankenstein: SAME THING
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EVERY YEAR, JOE.
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ALL THESE IDIOTS ARE IN TOWN FOR
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THAT STUPID SCARY MONSTER
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CONTEST.
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>> WELL, I'M SHAKIN' IN MY DAMN
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BOOTS.
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>> WOW! DR. FRANKENSTEIN!
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CAN YOU SIGN MY BRAIN?
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>> Frankenstein: WOULD YOU GET
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LOST, KID?
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I'M DRINKING HERE!
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>> OHH, BUT YOU'RE MY FAVORITE
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MAD SCIENTIST EVER,
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DR. FRANKENSTEIN.
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>> [ Scottish accent ] HMPH!
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I THINK YOU MEAN "MISTER."
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>> Frankenstein: OH, GREAT.
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>> WOW! DR. MOREAU!
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WILL YOU SIGN MY BRAIN?
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>> OF COURSE. I'D BE DELIGHTED.
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YOU KNOW, YOUNG MAN, THE
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SCARY MONSTER CONTEST IS
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SPONSORED BY THE SOCIETY OF
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ILL-ADVISED EXPERIMENTATION, AND
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WE DON'T ALLOW "MISTERS" TO
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ENTER -- DOCTORS ONLY, I'M
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AFRAID.
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>> Frankenstein: YEAH, YOU'RE
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AFRAID -- AFRAID I'LL WALK AWAY
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WITH FIRST PRIZE!
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>> TELL YOU WHAT, FRANKENSTEIN.
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WE'LL GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO PROVE
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IT.
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THIS YEAR, WE'LL ALLOW YOU TO
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ENTER THE CONTEST.
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[ Singsong voice ] THAT'LL BE
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REALLY HILARIOUS!
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>> Frankenstein: YOU'RE ON.
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I'LL BE THERE, AND THEN WE'LL
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SEE WHO'S LAUGHING.
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[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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>> YAH! YAH!
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>> Frankenstein: I'LL SHOW THOSE
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HACKS.
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THIS WILL BE MY OPPORTUNITY TO
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PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT I AM
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THE GREATEST SCIENTIST THAT EVER
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LI-I-I-VED!
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> MAN, YOU AIN'T EVEN A DOCTOR?
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>> Frankenstein: [ SIGHS ]
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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>> [ SCREECHES ]
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>> [ HOWLS ]
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>> * BEYOND SPACE AND TIME
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* STRANGER THAN THE SOUL
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* IS THE WORLD
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* DEEP INSIDE THE FRANKENHOLE
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>> AAH!
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>> * LEAVE ALL HOPE BEHIND
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* GIVE UP ALL CONTROL
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* TAKE MY HAND
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* WE'RE GOING DOWN THE
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FRANKENHOLE *
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>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
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>> Frankenstein: ALL RIGHT, WE
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HAVE A SCARY MONSTER CONTEST TO
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WIN, SO LET'S START FROM THE
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TOP.
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>> SCARY MONSTER CONTEST?
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YOU KNOW, I'M A --
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>> Frankenstein: YES -- A
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JANITOR, SO SWEEP UP AND QUIT
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INTERRUPTING!
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>> Polidori: SO, WHAT SHOULD
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STICK OUT OF THE MONSTER'S
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SKULL?
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HORNS? PENISES? PUPPIES?
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>> ROOOOAR!
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I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF
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BLOOD-CURDLING!
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[ BOTH LAUGH ]
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>> Frankenstein: YOU COULDN'T
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SCARE ANYBODY.
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>> Polidori: YOU'RE AFRAID OF
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FIRE.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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>> I'LL SHOW YOU GENUINE TERROR!
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ROOOAR!
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GRRROWL!
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>> Frankenstein: GIVE...ME...
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THOSE...ARMS!
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>> [ GRUNTS ]
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>> Frankenstein: OH, YEAH,
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THAT WAS REAL MATURE.
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>> [ CRYING ]
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[ MOANS ]
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[ SOBBING ]
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STUPID MONSTER CONTEST.
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[ SNIFFLES ]
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>> AWWW!
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>> HEY!
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HOW ABOUT PAYIN' A LITTLE BIT
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MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR REGULARS,
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YOU STUPID UNEMPLOYED ACTOR?
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THIS PLACE IS GOIN' TO HELL.
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HEY! WHAT THE --
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[ WOLF HOWLS ]
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DRACULA.
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I'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR THIS
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MOMENT MY WHOLE LIFE.
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[ GUN COCKS ]
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>> WHOA!
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KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, BRAH!
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>> GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU DANG
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NAB GOOFAMAN!
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>> NO CAN DO.
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CHECK OUT THE SIGNAGE, DUDAGE.
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>> WHERE'D ALL THAT CRAP COME
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FROM?
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>> JUST BOUGHT THE BAR, BRAH.
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NEW OWNER, NEW RULES.
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IT'S A CHILLAX ZONE FOR GOOD
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TIMES ONLY, BRAH.
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HEY, WE'D ALL LIKE TO MAKE THE
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RULES, AND I JUST DID.
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PSYCH! J.K.!
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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>> "J.K."
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NOW, HOW MUCH DAMN TIME YOU
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THINK THAT YOU'RE SAVIN' BY
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ABBREVIATIN'?
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THERE'S POWER IN WORDS!
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>> OKAY, WHAT KIND OF DIPPING
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SAUCE WOULD YOU BROS LIKE WITH
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YOUR CHICKEN WINGS?
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WE GOT BARBECUE, RANCH, BLOOD.
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>> Both: BLOOD!
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>> RANCH.
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NO -- BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD.
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>> "J.K.," MY ASS!
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WHAT THE HELL'S THAT
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PEOPLE-SUCKER DOING WITH THE FAT
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EGGHEAD?
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>> Frankenstein: QUICKLY --
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NEXT PAGE, NEXT PAGE!
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>> Polidori: [ SIGHS ]
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THIS WOULD BE A LITTLE EASIER
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WITH ARMS, YOU KNOW.
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>> Frankenstein: OH, QUIT
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COMPLAINING.
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WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO.
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CHOP-CHOP!
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>> Polidori: OHH...
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>> VICTOR!
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>> Frankenstein: WHAT NOW?!
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>> I WAS CLEANING OUT THE
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MORGUE, AND I JUST HAD TO SHOW
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YOU WHAT I FOUND.
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WASN'T HE SUCH A SCARY CREATION?
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>> Frankenstein: UGH.
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IT'S AMAZING WHAT PEOPLE USED TO
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THINK WAS SCARY.
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NOW, PLEASE, ELIZABETH!
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>> VICTOR, I INSIST THAT YOU
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ENTER THE CREATURE IN THE
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CONTEST.
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>> Frankenstein: DON'T BE
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RIDICULOUS!
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THIS IS FAR TOO IMPORTANT.
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>> [ Singsong voice ] I'LL
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MANGLE YOUR TESTICLES.
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>> Frankenstein: [ Singsong
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voice ] YGORRR!
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BRING ME A BOX OF OCTOPUS
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TENTACLES.
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I NEED TO SPRUCE UP THE CREATURE
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FOR THE SCARY MONSTER CONTEST!
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>> Ygor: [ Laughing ] YOU GOT
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IT!
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>> Frankenstein: Yeah, I'm gonna
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get it -- gonna get it right in
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the balls.
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>> You have no idea.
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>> Frankenstein: [ LAUGHS ]
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
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[ MONKEYS HOWLING ]
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[ BAT CHITTERING ]
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[ BAT SCREECHES ]
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[ ZIPPER CLOSES ]
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>> I KNOW YOU'RE AN EROTIC
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MONSTER, DRACULA, SO I HOPE YOU
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DON'T MIND BITING THIS HIDEOUS
218
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BEASTIE.
219
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>> AH, IT'S OKAY.
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YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WITH TON
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OF CHICKS.
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THE DOGS ALWAYS GO THAT EXTRA
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MILE.
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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>> GOOD.
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THEN ALL YOU NEED DO IS GIVE HER
227
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YOUR KISS OF UNDEATH, AND
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TOGETHER WE WILL CREATE THE
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SCARIEST...MONSTER...EVERRRRR!
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>> LOVELY!
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ANYTHING THAT WILL FOIL MY LEAST
232
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FAVORITE JERK EVER -- VICTOR
233
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"STUPIDHEAD" FRANKENSTEIN!
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HUH!
235
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[ GULPING ]
236
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[ INDISTINCT VOICE, LAUGHTER ]
237
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>> HOLY GUACAMOLEMAN!
238
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THEY'RE MAKIN' A SUPER VAMPIRE!
239
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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
240
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>> [ GROWLS ]
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[ ALL SCREAM ]
242
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[ ALL SIGH ]
243
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>> [ ROARS ]
244
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>> SO, LET'S GIVE A BIG ROUND
245
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OF APPLAUSE TO
246
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TIPPY THE REPTILIAN APE!
247
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[ STAPLES CLICK ]
248
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,130
>> Frankenstein: HOLD STILL!
249
00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:52,533
>> I FEEL I WAS PRETTY GROTESQUE
250
00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:53,467
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
251
00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:54,797
>> Frankenstein: WHO'S THE MAD
252
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:55,870
SCIENTIST HERE, GENIUS?
253
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,430
>> YOU.
254
00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:57,473
>> Frankenstein: AND DON'T YOU
255
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:58,297
FORGET IT!
256
00:06:58,533 --> 00:07:00,433
>> Polidori: WELL, IT'S ABOUT
257
00:07:00,433 --> 00:07:02,633
TIME.
258
00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:04,627
UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE, BUT
259
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,073
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I HAVEN'T
260
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:07,327
BEEN ABLE TO DO IN A WHILE.
261
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:08,273
[ TOILET FLUSHES ]
262
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:08,627
>> WELL!
263
00:07:08,633 --> 00:07:09,433
YOU ACTUALLY SHOWED UP,
264
00:07:09,433 --> 00:07:09,933
FRANKENSTEIN.
265
00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:10,833
>> Frankenstein: [ SCOFFS ]
266
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:12,373
OF COURSE I SHOWED UP.
267
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:14,067
WE'LL JUST SEE WHO CAN MAKE A
268
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:14,997
SCARY MONSTER.
269
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,830
AND WHAT DID YOU DO, MENGELE?
270
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:18,573
DID YOU SEW ANOTHER PAIR OF
271
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,667
TWINS TOGETHER?
272
00:07:19,667 --> 00:07:20,967
>> [ SCOFFS ] NEIN!
273
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:22,797
E-EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.
274
00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:34,633
>> Frankenstein: [ GRUNTING ]
275
00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:36,703
>> BLARGH!
276
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,530
[ GROWLS ]
277
00:07:43,267 --> 00:07:45,327
>> [ ROARS ]
278
00:07:45,333 --> 00:07:46,003
>> OH! OH!
279
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,200
I DID HER! I DID HER!
280
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,270
>> NICE, BRAH!
281
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:50,567
HIGH FIVE!
282
00:07:50,567 --> 00:07:51,567
>> Frankenstein: SUPER
283
00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,427
VAMPIRE/MONSTER COMBO?
284
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:55,233
YOU'RE GONNA GET SLAUGHTERED OUT
285
00:07:55,233 --> 00:07:56,103
THERE, NANCY.
286
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,870
>>THINK HE'S JUST GILDING A
287
00:07:57,867 --> 00:07:59,327
LILY WITH ALL THESE DUMB
288
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,803
TENTACLES AND WHATNOTS.
289
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,430
YOU WERE SUFFICIENTLY HORRIFIC
290
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:03,633
THE WAY YOU WERE.
291
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:06,173
>> BUT I'M NOT SCARY AT ALL.
292
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:08,367
>> OH, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
293
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:10,227
NOW, YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE WHO
294
00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:10,903
YOU ARE.
295
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,170
AND DON'T YOU WORRY.
296
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I KNOW EVERYTHING WILL END UP
297
00:08:13,867 --> 00:08:15,427
JUST FINE.
298
00:08:15,433 --> 00:08:17,403
>> AND NEXT UP, NUMBER 37, THE
299
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,230
REANIMATED FLESH CREATURE --
300
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:20,873
NOW WITH TENTACLES -- OF
301
00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:23,197
DR. VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN!
302
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:23,530
OH!
303
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I'M SORRY, LADIES AND
304
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,200
GENTLEMEN.
305
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,370
THAT'S MR. VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN.
306
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NOT DR. -- MR.
307
00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:30,903
>> Frankenstein: COME ON.
308
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LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
309
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,433
[ ONE PERSON CLAPPING ]
310
00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:36,073
[ FEEDBACK ]
311
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:37,897
[ SPOTLIGHT CLACKS ]
312
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,473
[ MAN COUGHS ]
313
00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:41,927
>> Frankenstein: [ GULPS ]
314
00:08:41,933 --> 00:08:43,233
>> [ INHALES DEEPLY ]
315
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I WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO
316
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:47,533
MAKE MY CREATOR PROUD THIS EVE.
317
00:08:47,533 --> 00:08:50,103
'TIS ALL I HAVE EVER STRIVED
318
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:50,830
FOR.
319
00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:53,473
BUT EVEN THOUGH I AM AN UTTER
320
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:54,967
MONSTROSITY...
321
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,867
[ Voice breaking ] I STILL FAIL
322
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,667
TO BRING FEAR INTO THE HUMAN
323
00:08:58,667 --> 00:08:59,297
HEART.
324
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:00,130
[ INHALES ]
325
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,673
I'VE PROVEN TO BE A
326
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:04,027
DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE VERY MAN
327
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:05,903
WHO CREATED ME!
328
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,470
WHO BREATHED LIFE INTO ME!
329
00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:12,327
THE PAIN THAT I FEEL NOW HAS
330
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:15,233
BECOME COMPLETELY UNBEARABLE.
331
00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:17,133
[ SOBS ]
332
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:18,633
>> A PERFECT SCORE!
333
00:09:18,633 --> 00:09:20,203
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
334
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:20,870
>> ATTABOY!
335
00:09:20,867 --> 00:09:22,367
>> Frankenstein: I DON'T BELIEVE
336
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:22,697
IT!
337
00:09:22,700 --> 00:09:24,000
>> OF COURSE, I KNEW IT ALL
338
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:24,470
ALONG.
339
00:09:24,467 --> 00:09:25,627
BEING THE WIFE OF A MAD
340
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,073
SCIENTIST, IT WAS OBVIOUS WHAT
341
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,367
WOULD SCARE THOSE REPRESSED
342
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,597
NERDS THE MOST.
343
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,900
>> Frankenstein: WHAT?
344
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,070
>> EMOTION.
345
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:35,997
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]
346
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,770
>> AHH, GOOD ON YA, MATE.
347
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:39,597
>> Frankenstein: GOOD JOB, KID.
348
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:43,473
>> HIII-YAHHH!
349
00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:45,997
>> AND OUR SECOND PRIZE GOES TO
350
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,200
DR. MOREAU'S SUPER VAMPIRE
351
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,100
MONSTER.
352
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,570
[ LIGHT APPLAUSE ]
353
00:09:51,567 --> 00:09:53,397
[ AUDIENCE MURMURS ]
354
00:09:55,867 --> 00:09:58,097
>> I REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT
355
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,300
THE SUPER VAMPIRE COULDN'T BE
356
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,400
HERE TONIGHT -- OR ANY OTHER
357
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,100
NIGHT.
358
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,300
BUT I'LL BE ACCEPTING THIS AWARD
359
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:08,370
ON HIS BEHALF, A-AND I'M SURE
360
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:09,897
THAT HE'D LIKE TO THANK HIS
361
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:13,000
MAMA, HIS AGENT, AND GOD -- WHO
362
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,130
DON'T GIVE A LOUIS PASTEUR ABOUT
363
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:16,233
SCIENCE.
364
00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:18,773
SO SUCK IT, ALL Y'ALL!
365
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:19,827
[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]
366
00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:21,333
NOW, PERSONALLY, I'D LIKE TO
367
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,933
THANK THE SOUTH, AND I'LL TELL
368
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,433
YOU ANOTHER DAMN THING, TOO.
369
00:10:24,433 --> 00:10:26,273
THE SOUTH IS THE GREATEST REGION
370
00:10:26,267 --> 00:10:27,297
IN THIS COUNTRY.
371
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:28,300
IN THE WORDS OF
372
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,670
MARTIN LUTHER KING --
373
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:31,827
GET YOUR UNHOLY PAWS OFF ME!
374
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,103
AAAH! SON OF A BITCH!
375
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,930
SOMEBODY GET ME SOME DAMN TOMATO
376
00:10:34,933 --> 00:10:35,503
JUICE!
377
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:36,870
GET ME SOME VODKA, TOO!
378
00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,267
HELL, JUST BRING ME A DAMN
379
00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:39,067
BLOODY MARY!
380
00:10:39,067 --> 00:10:40,597
>> OH, JUST ONE MORE THING --
381
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,700
CONGRATULATIONS, DEPUTY DOCTOR.
382
00:10:43,933 --> 00:10:45,633
>> OH, DARLING, THAT'S ADORABLE.
383
00:10:45,633 --> 00:10:47,033
>> Frankenstein: IT'S NOT
384
00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:47,673
ADORABLE!
385
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:50,227
>> NO -- IT'S OFFICIAL.
386
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,133
>> Frankenstein: DON'T TOUCH.
387
00:10:57,767 --> 00:10:58,767
[ DOOR CREAKS ]
388
00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:00,097
>> Polidori: OH, YOU.
389
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,870
I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE TOO LATE.
390
00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:03,197
I'VE MET SOMEONE ELSE.
391
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,470
>> SQUAWK! IT'S A LIVING!
23733